General chatter - 15 and dating?
02-01-2006, 01:41 AM
DD will be 15 and wants to start dating and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't want her to go out with her bf by her self I just don't trust any boys driving sex ect.... I did let her go to the movies with one boy but I made her take her sister and she told me he was driving to fast.I think they like to show off and don't unstand they could kill my baby girl.
I just need some help doing whats right for her and maybe letting go of her a litttle so she don't hate me.
Will you girls tell me what you think.
02-01-2006, 01:51 AM
I think stopping her dating would be the worst thing you could do, you would only drive her further away. You might not trust boys, but do you trust your daughters judgement? Perhaps have a talk to her about "what if" situations, and how she would respond to them. Like what if your date was driving too fast, and you felt scared? What if your date said if you really loved him you'd sleep with him?
Instill your daughter with tools to handle tricky situations, and help her develop the judgement so she knows what to do, and dates with confidence. My mum had a rule that I could not go out in a car with anyone under 18. It worked for us, we either had to date locally or catch busses!
And my mum gave the best sex education too. But us kids reacted different ways. I was 21 when I first slept with a guy (and married ;) ) but my sister was a teenager.
At the end of the day, you can't control your kids, the best you can do is direct them the right way, and be there if things go wrong.
02-01-2006, 03:42 AM
Basically, have a talk with her, tell her to come to you anytime with any problems she may be having. Just keep an open relationship with her! If she's not comfortable with someone's driving, then she needs to know to not get into that car with the guy again if he doesn't respect that. Again, this is a little tricky because some girls are mature at 15, and some aren't. At this age, def have rules such as curfews, meeting the guys, etc.
02-01-2006, 12:42 PM
I started dating at 14... mind, I've only dated a couple of guys in these last nearly 5 years, but my parents didn't have much of a problem with it because they trusted me.
Last year I went to visit my then-boyfriend up in Toronto, Canada for a month. I was up front to my mom about what the arrangements would be. I told her I would be sleeping in his room. She got very very upset and basically said that if I went and got myself pregnant, I could just stay with my boyfriend. Now, she has had to deal with two of her four daughters getting pregnant as teenagers, so her reaction is somewhat understandable... but the problem was that I was nothing like them. I slept in the same bed with my boyfriend for a month, and we never had sex. I'm still a virgin at almost 19.
The moral of the story is to encourage your daughter to be honest with you. Be honest with her about how you feel, but don't be like my mother and yell at her when she says something that you don't like. It'll discourage her to come to you when she really needs you. Keep up the lines of communication, ask her how things are going. Let her know that you're there for her no matter what, but you want her to make good decisions. Teach her how to make those decisions. And most of all, set RULES on dating. Meet the guys, set curfews, and set limits on where they can go. Protect her, but let her have some breathing room.
02-01-2006, 12:50 PM
You've got to trust that she's learned good stuff up until now. Let her know that she is accountable. She will be brought to task if she breaks the rules. Suggest 'strongly' group dates, going out with a bunch or another couple.
I did not tell my daughter how old she had to be before she dated. She went out a few times in highschool, mostly in groups. She did have a couple of special fellows and is now engaged to a great guy (both 22).
She showed the good judgement I trusted she'd have.
02-01-2006, 02:22 PM
I don't think stopping her from dating is the wrong thing to do as someone said...of course it totally depends on the girl. My kids (2 boys & 1 girl) were told from the beginning that they could not date until they were 16, (yes, 16) and they did not have a problem with that at all. They did not turn on me, get mad, etc. I think that's a big problem with kids now days...they don't have rules. Parents let their kids do what they want and that's when they end up in trouble. Too we always are honest with the kids about everything. It's funny to me how some parents will not talk to their kids about sex or other stuff. They've got to know that they can talk to you about anything.
02-01-2006, 02:26 PM
Definitely keep an open relationship with her and tell her she can come to you for anything. My parents were very strict and didn't allow me to date until I was 16 (I'm 23 now) and that was the rule. I had to wait. Then when that time came, I wasn't allowed to ride in cars with the boy unless they came in the house to get me so they could meet him. They didn't give him 20 questions, but just hi, nice to meet you, Jen's curfew is 10, so make sure she's back on time, etc. I didn't mind it, it was nice to finally have my parents trust me. I needed the boundaries though! Good luck!
02-01-2006, 03:59 PM
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP
I'm going let her date, but she will have to be around other people like go to school games ,bowlig,movies as long as other friends are with her. No riding in a car with a boy until I get to know him and can trust his driving.
We are open about sex and I know all I can do is hope that she waits ,but I did get some condoms and put them away where she knows where they are and told her if she going to have sex to be safe.I let her know that I wanted her to wait. I did get her a phone that she is to keep with her all the time when she's out so I can call and if she's going to be late she can call me .
02-05-2006, 07:55 PM
Plb@m, I think you went about that in exactly the right way. I know a lot of girls who went kind of wild in high school because their parents were really strict (or at least they felt that their parents were) and they felt the need to rebel. I'm sure your daughter knows that you trust and support her, and are there for her, and that's the best you can do.