30-Somethings - Being Fat And Single

View Full Version : Being Fat And Single

07-16-2001, 02:44 PM
Hi All,

I haven't posted in a while - been pretty busy with the gigs (whoo hoo! lots o' singing is a good thing). Anyhow...there's been something bothering me that I thought I would bring up for discussion.

It's the age-old "she's got such a pretty face."

I've been a little down lately because I'm alone.....single. So many people around me are getting engaged and married....lots of my friends. While I'm SO happy for them, it's a little depressing for me because I'm single. Not dating anyone. I'm generally ok with that. My life is so crazy and hectic with music, that I usually don't have time to think about it.....but now, approaching my 30th birthday it does.

Being single isn't the thing that bugs me so much, it's the fact that everyone keeps saying: when you're thin, the men will be beating down your door. Yes, that's the reality of our society....and although I'm sure everyone reading this will come to my defense and tell me what I need to hear, I think we all realize that the larger percentage of the masses would find me more attractive if I was thin.

As I lose more and more weight, I think this is going to become more of an issue. WHO I am hasn't changed.....just what I look like and how I care about myself. I've never been down on myself because of my weight. I know I'm attractive, and I really do think I have a lot to offer someone.

I just think that once I start getting attention because I'm *thin* I'll be very wary of it. Almost like the focus has shifted. Before men wouldn't go out with me becuase of what I looked like......now (talking in the future) they go out with me because they DO like the way I look. What about WHO I am? Is that going to matter?

Anyhow....this is just something I'm starting to struggle with. I know there are men out there who like larger women, but my experiences with those men have been BAD.

I'm curious if other people are struggling with this issue...a new self-image problem.

I've enclosed a pic too. Thanks for reading......I really do appreciate it!


P.S> Please note: I do NOT feel bad about myself......I feel bad about how I am perceived as a woman and potential dating partner through society!

07-16-2001, 02:46 PM
Forgot the previous mentioned pic!


ON WW - 18 weeks

07-16-2001, 04:30 PM
You are right on the money girlfriend!!!

People in general treat you differently when you are thin... it makes me sick!! I've maintained my weightloss for a year now and I've noticed a lot in that year.... and I won't soon forget how it was when I was heavy.

And yes, guys are all over the place BUT only YOU can weed out the good ones....

Yeah, guys go for looks at FIRST but then your personality is what makes them fall in love with you... NOT your looks. I'm sorry, but if I'm not physically attracted to someone - I don't want to date them... so it goes both ways.

You will see lots of people acting differently.....

All that matters is what YOU think and you seem fine!!! You are okay to be wary but don't let a great one go because he might not have looked at you before....


Tami 203/176/135
07-23-2001, 12:43 PM
It's not just men that treat you differently when you are heavy-women do too! I've found that people (strangers in the store, etc.) treat me better when I am thinner. It may be that my attitude is different but I don't think that is the reason.

07-24-2001, 12:58 AM
Sweet Taunia...I see myself in you for sure. I'm just turning 30. Single, fat. It sucks. I know that if a guy could just look beyond my size, I know that I would have a million guys after me. I'm always the life of the party. I always put people at ease. I am now divorced and when I was married, I forgot about keeping myself up. Well, now that we are divorced, I am forced to deal with how far I've fallen. But there is one thing I know and that is I have friends and family that love me very much no matter what I weigh. I have a successful job and I go kayaking almost every morning. But just because I'm busy, I still have to come home to an empty house. Just hang in there. Just focus on you. Wear clothes that you feel good in. Take good care of yourself. Get a massage. I have grown to really love my body through massage. Love yourself. Do whatever it takes to boost your self-esteem. I did a 5K walk a few weekends ago. I finished and I am still on a high. I did it. I accomplished it. You can do it, too! We are all here to help you. Email me at anxterrachick@aol.com if you want to chat...we are in the same boat. Rebecca