General chatter - just a wedding question

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01-29-2006, 11:10 PM
I know this has nothing to do with losing weight, but I wanted women's opinions. When and how do you let guests know where you are registered for your wedding? I don't want to be tacky. Do I put it on bridal shower invites? Can I invite men to bridal showers, like brothers, friends, my fiance and his friends? I'm the only daughter in my family, so I've never been through this before.

01-29-2006, 11:35 PM
I've always heard of it put on the shower invitations which are generally done by the friend who is giving the shower. Congratulations!! :smug:

01-30-2006, 12:18 AM
One of my girlfriends put a small card in the wedding invites. The card with the registry info was just as pretty as the invitation card. It was simple and straight forward, not tacky at all.
As far as bridal showers men usually don't attend those. However, you could always have a pre-wedding get together which combines both men and women for cocktails or something nice like that.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

01-30-2006, 12:18 AM
Let your immediate family and wedding party know where you are registered. The person giving the shower for you should include that in the shower invite.

As far as your shower goes, its usually up to the person giving it to decide who to invite, however, there is no reason you can't talk to that person and share your wishes at having a both sex shower!

By telling your family and wedding party about your registrations, anyone that should be invited to the wedding, who wasnt at the shower, will be able to find out easily where you are registered, should they wish to know.

01-30-2006, 05:22 PM
Never put it in the wedding invitations! That makes it seem as if people have to buy their way into your wedding. I am also more & more seeing the "rule" that merely being invited to a wedding makes it necessary to give a gift. :nono:

The absolute proper way to let folks know where you are registered is through word-of-mouth. In this happy little world, people will be falling over themselves to buy something for you and will call your mother or future mother-in-law, and one of them will let the person know. In reality, the info will be probably be put in the shower invitations, and you will get together with your girlfriends to kvetch about how no one got you something off of your registry. Because in reality very few people do. I think my husband and I got something off the registry from his aunt, and at my brother's wedding my husband & I were the only ones to do so.

Oh, & ideally the shower guest list will be drawn from the wedding guest list. You shouldn't invite anyone to the shower who isn't going to be invited to the wedding, because then it looks like a total gift-grab.

01-30-2006, 05:32 PM
Word of mouth is generally best regarding registries. You don't want to seem like you're begging for presents.

Most bridal showers are gals only, but "Jack and Jill" showers are becoming more common. If you tell your family/friends who will give you the shower that you'd rather have a wedding party with guys and gals, I'm sure they'd go along with it.

And etiquette-wise, Monstermomma is right on the money. :)

01-30-2006, 05:40 PM
I have to echo the registry being in the shower invites, also, everyone I know including myself all had at least one couples shower, so everyone male and female knew where we were registered.

And Monstermomma is absolutly right on the no registry info inside the wedding invites, and the only thing different I can add to that, is that almost everything we got, was bought off our registry, and I never buy a gift that is not on the registry, unless its for the lingerie shower. :-) So I think everyone is diffrent in that regards. Good Luck!

01-30-2006, 07:03 PM
Shower invites: yes! Wedding invites: NO.

Everyone has already said why you shouldn't include them in your wedding invites. It's just good manners.

That said, my husband didn't want to be left out of the shower festivities so we had a couples shower and it was a TON of fun. Invite whoever you want! :)

Good luck!

01-30-2006, 11:22 PM
My wife and I have had several wedding invitations that included where the kids were registered. We have NEVER been offended, I think if you are invited to the wedding it is only proper to bring a gift. I would much rather bring something the kids wanted and could use, rather than doubling up on something or giving them something that a 51 year old thinks is cool! Most of the kids have registered at Target and Home Depot for crying out loud. we don't get into the "tacky" stuff around here ~~ we go to enjoy the moment and the celebration of our friends!

01-31-2006, 12:47 AM
We had a wedding website for all of our guests, and we put the info on there. Also, we made sure our family and bridal party knew, and let it get around by word of mouth. Did not put anything at all about it in our invites.

01-31-2006, 10:07 AM
Sorry, I think it is tacky to solicit gifts on invitations. Word of mouth is okay. I hope you have a wide selection of prices. I'm tired of registeries with impossibly priced items.

01-31-2006, 05:16 PM
I had a friend who had a sectional sofa on his registry, from like Eddie Bauer. LOL My husband and I had a HUGE flat screen on our registry. When you looked at the comments about the product I wrote, this is (my husband's) contribution to the list. :)

01-31-2006, 05:38 PM
The traditional etiquette has been that a friend--not a relative--gives the shower for the bride. Relatives don't host the shower because it's considered tacky to solicit gifts for a member of one's own family. Registry information is spread by word of mouth, rather than included in the invitations, although the store where you register may try to tell you otherwise. Also, traditional etiquette is that only those who attend the reception, not the wedding itself, are "expected" to give wedding gifts.

I realize that some of these rules may seem a little old-fashioned and rigid, but I happen to like them because I think they show respect for the invited guests. They make a lot of sense to me. :)

02-01-2006, 12:41 AM
Thank you all for the grea advice! It was also nice to get advice from the menfolks:) I already knew it's horribel to put it in the wedding invites, so don't worry about that. I do like the idea of a couple's shower. My fiance and I are a little untraditional in some reguards (He wants his bachelor party to be at an arcade, the nerd!) so i think the couple's shower would be fun.
And no, I would nver put overpriced crap in a registry. I'm registering at Target and Walmart. I don't see the point in having a huge china and silverware service (what the **** would I do with a gravy boat?) or other superfluous things of that nature. I guess I'm low maintenence.
One thing I will NOT be doing at my wedding is doing that weird thing where people pay money to dance with the bride. You know, where they pay for the "priviledge" of dancing with her so she and the groom and can have cash for the honeymoon? I saw that done at a wedding and thought it was teh tackiest thing I'd ever seen! My wedding guests are exactly that --guests-- and it is my honor to have them there sharing that money with us.
Anyway, bless you all for the wonderful advice! I think I'll just stick with word of mouth:) although obviously I wouldn't be hurt at all if some people didn't bring gifts. I'll be thrilled to see them no matter what!

02-01-2006, 12:42 AM
Oh my lord, could I have misspelled any more words? *smacks her forehead*

02-01-2006, 09:58 AM
HUMM ~~ Must be something wrong with me again.....I never felt that the "money" dance was tacky . I always found it to be a nice way while dancing to congratulate the bride personally and thank them for thinking that I was special enough to be invited to their wedding. I have never had one count the money I pinned on her. Enjoy your wedding day ~

02-02-2006, 12:36 AM
Perhaps "tacky" was too strong a word; I just don't want my family or friends to feel obligated to pay to dance with me. I should have phrased my concern differently! Thank you EZMONEY:)

02-03-2006, 09:52 AM
Wow, I guess my family and friends are a lot more easygoing than most people. It's generally accepted that people buy gifts for weddings whether you say anything about it in the invitation or not. I have been invited to weddings and had the gift registry info included in the invite, and NEVER did I think it was tacky. Rather, I found it extremely helpful since I have friends who live very far away, and I'm not exactly buddy-buddy with their parents or soon-to-be in-laws :dizzy:

When my sister asked me about this, I told her to include the registry info in the invites. I would say about half of their guest list (at least) is from out of town since she grew up in CT, he grew up in NY/NJ, he has family in Asia, and they both now live in Va Beach. Because of how spread out we all are, we are also not doing a bridal shower (BTW, I always understood that the Maid of Honor was to give the shower regardless of whether she happened to be a friend or a relative).

Also, I have been to weddings with the "dollar dance." It's actually a lot of fun, and no one is REQUIRED to participate. If you feel obligated (which you never should), you can just give a buck or one will be keeping track of who gives how much. I was Maid of Honor, so I was collecting the money for the bride, and an uncle gave $50 for the dance--now tell me a newly-married couple can't use that kind of generosity and support!

I don't know--I guess in my opinion, it's the couple's wedding, so they should be able to do things however they want. Things that just plain make good common sense shouldn't be considered tacky :dizzy:

ADDING: Just before I hit submit on this post, a coworker came into my cube to chat, and I brought the topic up with her, and she made some very valid points.

Originally, gift registries were only used for things like fine China, crystal, and silver, not necessarily everyday items like today. This is why it was often considered tacky to include them in the invites--the gifts on the registry were more expensive and, therefore, "asking" for them in such a way was socially frowned upon. However, I now often see things like bed sheets, bath towels, small kitchen appaliances, and such that most people can afford, so I think the etiquette or the matter has not progressed/changed to catch up with the idea behind the registry (and this is probably also why older women feel it is such bad etiquette whereas I, at 23, don't think it's such a bad idea).
Things like the "dollar dance" (or whatever you call it) may seem to tacky to some, yet in some areas, it is simply tradition. My coworker being from the South said she would NEVER do that at a wedding and was even a little put off by it when she attended a wedding where this took place. On the other hand, I grew up in CT, and I think I have been to more weddings that DID include this dance than those that did not. My coworkers also said that the wedding she attended where they did it was in PA, so maybe it is more of a Northeastern regional area tradition.