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Old 01-29-2006, 10:44 AM   #1  
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Default Where do you go to find friends?

I graduated from highscool in 2003 and I had one best friend. When she moved away I stayed the weekend with her and her mom. Then one weekend while staying with her she introduced me to my husband(he wasnt at the time, but you know what I mean) A year later we were married and my best friend moved again, and hour away. I dont get to go see her but maybe once every two months. Our schedules conflict a lot. The big issue with me is that I dont have any friends now. My husband works a lot and is trying to run a business, be a bartender and start another business all at the same time. I hardly ever get to sit and have a good conversation with him, and when I do(you know how men are) he doesnt want the detail of my female issues or doesnt know what to say because it isnt something that men are supposed to be able to relate with. I miss the girl gossip, go out and hanging out.

So now that I have given enough history to understand my question. I just dont know where to go or what to do to find a friend. I am definatly not desperate, I dont want to put out an ad or go online and get into chat rooms to find one, im just not that kind of person. I guess I just dont know what kind of friend I really want to look for. Im sure that this sounds awfully stupid. I think that the reason I posted this is because I want people to tell me how they met thier friends and maybe even some advise. Thanks.
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Old 01-29-2006, 10:58 AM   #2  
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I have a fantastic group of friends, most of whom I met through people who were friends already, but others throught work, the gymn, going to the pub. Basically being open to every opportunity and talking to people. Have you thought of joining any classes/ clubs etc.. where you'll meet like minded people?

God luck
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:05 AM   #3  
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try craigslist.com. they have links for groups that include activity groups, such as crocheting, chess, even exercise partners!
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:11 AM   #4  
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i dont have any friends either, if i was in MO i'd be your friend clownie

i do have ONE friend but we never do anything with each other, we met at school (i'm back in college again), we ride back and forth with each other and we hang out at lunch, but thats about as far as it has gotten... i am starting to meet some other girls at school tho... hopefully they will turn into friendships and we can start hanging out...

i have a LOT of online friends, but they are just that they are online friends, not a single one of them even lives near me so i never get to see them, infact i have never even met them in person...

i think you could probably make some great friends here tho, even other girls in your area :nod: i know a few of my online friends (i'm on another message board and thats where we all met) have met other girls from their areas and have made friends that way and they hang out... i'm not saying advertise and go runing out trying to find friends through here, but i am saying maybe some of the people you meet here will be in your area and you will become friends thanks to 3FC

have you thought about going back to school?? that could be a great way to meet people... also any type of groups of clubs... maybe a local scrapbooking club or a book club, or a local fitness group like a walking group or something, maybe take a yoga class or something like that...

the school i am going to offers community classes in different things, we have a yoga program we offer and a walking group we offer, scrapbooking, wedding planning, cake decorating, dance different things, they vary semester to semester depending on the turn out or if they have an instructor... but a lot of colleges and like community centers offer things like that

it dont have to be about going specificly to meet people, find something you are interested in... go, have fun, and if ya meet people while you are there even better !

one thing i have learned is unless your a internet person, you really arnt gunna meet anyone by sitting in your house all the time ( exactly why all my friends are online ) ya gotta get out there some where so you can meet people
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:24 AM   #5  
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Whereabouts in MO are ya? I head to KC all the time. The only way I have girlfriends is through my work. Other than that since Dh plays softball I have lots of guy friends.
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:26 AM   #6  
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thanks for the advise. But going out seems to be the problem. I dont know where to go and if I do then I dont want to go alone. I used to go to a pool hall all of the time before I moved here, but im not sure that I want to be friends with someone who is always in a bar/poolhall. I used to want that in a friend but now i dont. I see what you mean about the classes. I have a job but the other girl that works there is not someone that I think I can go hang out with. She isnt right for me, my best friend is perfect because she has had life experiences that helped her to better understand me and my ways. I do have a temper sometimes, as Im sure that most redheads do. She knew from the beginning that it wasnt her and she also knew how to cheer me up within the minute. Maybe I will talk to her and see what she thinks. Of course I met her at school. There are a couple of people that come into my work that I would love to be friends with, but, how does a woman ask another woman to be her friend, especially without it sounding like im hitting on her. LOL, i can see it now. Would you like to hang out some time? ---- "Are you hitting on me?!!!" I never thought that it would be be like this, I always imagined having lots of friends at 21 and still being in the dating scene. But Im married and im in the friend scene. Why does this seem so hard? Life is backwards! Thanks.
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:27 AM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bearcatmo
Whereabouts in MO are ya? I head to KC all the time. The only way I have girlfriends is through my work. Other than that since Dh plays softball I have lots of guy friends.

I live Kansas City
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:38 AM   #8  
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I've hit the big 3-0, but I wanted to offer advice as someone that has to move all the time due to hubbie's job.


Each place I've moved had a different time table for meeting friends, but eventually it happens.

I've met friends through church, school, neighbors, playgrounds, husband's work parties, work, kid's friends moms, through other friends. One friend I even met sitting at a restuarant.

Keep your mind open, be friendly, get out of the house, and give it time.
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:46 AM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clowniefreak
I live Kansas City
now see that just depresses me when i was living out there i was in liberty, just a hop skip and a jump from you, we coulda totaly hung out

i hear ya on the not wanting to do things alone thing... i am the same way... heck i am going to be 26 next month, and dont have a drivers license... one of the reasons (theres a lotta reasons but this is one of them)... i didnt wanna go to the DMV and test by myself

have you thought about going back to school? that is something you could totaly do on your own, and there would be a wide variety of people to chose from.. and the easiest thing is, all ya gotta do is ask some one to borrow a pen or if you smoke ask some one if you can use their lighter, if you see some one from class you think you might like to talk to outside of class walk up to them and be like did you understand what he was talking about yesturday or what did you think of the chapter we had to read... etc. pleanty of reasons and ways to strike up a conversation

then after you have talked to that person the first time it'll be easier to talk to them a second time and before ya know it you'll be talking constantly, and then you can ask them about hanging out some time with out totaly feeling like your hitting on them
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:51 AM   #10  
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Yea I hear you. I just thought it was funny, it was the first thing that I thought about. I think another reason, or maybe the only reason, I dont like to go out by myself is because of my weight. I hate the way it restricts me. Thats one reason why I am losing weight. I think once I get all hot and skinny i will want to go out more and be seen, show off. Speaking of going out I do have to go somewhere today. The thrift store is calling my name. I collect clowns and they have 20% off everything on sundays.
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Old 01-29-2006, 02:44 PM   #11  
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clowns - interesting - i see know why you are a clownie freak.
I ust admit how I meet friends is also thru friends etc - but when I lived in NY it was the hardest time to meet friends ever - it is a lonely town. I tried a few craigslist things- but it didn't work out great - but I still tell people to try it out. I have met the most friends going back to grad school - i have oh so many - but none, in a year, have come as close as my bf from college who still lives back in nyc. so its kinda hard - most girl gossip happens on the phone - and then when one of us gets in a relationship - its a little less talking also - most of my friends are guys because of the ratio of girls to guys in my program, and i went to an all girls undergrad - so it is way different for me.
But I have to say joining groups (I was in a drinking choir) etc is a sure way to have friends - they may not be the close friends you are desiring, but they will be fun to hang out with.
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Old 01-29-2006, 03:15 PM   #12  
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Taking some community ed classes or signing up for a class at a school if it isn't too expensive...that's what I would suggest for normal people...
Or if you are extremely outgoing like my aunt, she has meet friends at the grocery store, anywhere...you name it. She knows people everywhere she goes...I wish I was like that!
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Old 01-29-2006, 03:53 PM   #13  
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I hear ya--I don't have any friends nearby either. I started going to dinners with a group in this area called Metro Women. I found them on Craigslist. Maybe there is a similar group near you or, if not, you could start one! All you have to do is post your story on Craigslist and invite others to join you for a friendly dinner (be sure to m note that it is strictly platonic!), and then make a reservation somewhere! People seem to feel safe this way since you meet in a public place and it's not just one-on-one, plus it's not like a bar or anything. I've been to lots of restaurants I never would have gone to without the group, and it's been a lot of fun. I haven't really made any close friends this way yet, but even just one night out every week or so really helps to get the girly issues out and talked about
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Old 01-29-2006, 08:56 PM   #14  
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I'm in a similar boat. It's really tough to meet friends when you're an adult, and particularly if you're married and many of the people you interact with are not. (I too married fairly young.)

I've made a couple friends through work, and recently was in a community theater play, and really hit it off with another woman there. It takes some time, but if you get involved in some activities you enjoy, you're sure to meet someone with similar interests.
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