General chatter - Childfree not by choice




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kykaree
01-26-2006, 02:34 AM
Hello, I was wondering if there is anyone else here who has tried to have kids and isn't able to, and has decided to live Childfree.

Sometimes on the boards its kinda hard to relate when there are so many people who have children, are pregnant, or are trying to conceive.

I'm not looking for pity here, or advice, or prayers or anything like that, just wondering if there's anyone in my cabin on this ship :D


PinkyPie
01-26-2006, 03:45 AM
Hi Kylie
I am childfree, used to be by choice, now it is not by choice. I would like to have a child, but I am no spring chick (I'm 37). My partner has 2 kids from his previous relationship and had a vasectomy. He had it reversed in September but there is no garantee that it will work. So far there is *ahem* nothing swimming in there, if you know what I mean.

While I love my stepkids, we only have them every other weekend and, let's face it, I am NOT their mum (and wouldn't try to replace her anyway).

So, maybe I'm not in the same cabin, but we are in fact across the hall from each other ;)

kykaree
01-26-2006, 06:50 AM
Hey we're in the same cabin!!! I have tried in the past and had two miscarriages. The last one split our relationship up because he couldn't handle my grief. Now I have a brand new partner, we've been together 4 years, he had a vasectomy nearly 20 years ago, so we haven't bothered to have a reversal, and pretty much decided to live childfree.
He has a 20 year old daughter, who I adore, but no subsitute for having your own kids. She's a bit old to buy frilly dresses for ;)


madscientist
01-26-2006, 07:07 AM
I'm childfree by choice. But according to my doctor, I most likely couldn't have kids if I tried anyway so that actually works out. And my husband is fixed. So we will definitely not be having any children that do not have fur, feathers or fins. If we do, I'm calling CNN. Or suing his doctor and mine for malpractice. Whichever :)

I have the same problem as you do sometimes. I just never relate to the pregnancy, conception and kids issues other members talk about. Or people in everyday life for that matter.

The only bit I have is that I basically raised a friends two children until she got it together (she had some problems) and could take care of them properly again. It was a very interesting year and a half and cemented my choice to not have any. They weren't bad kids by any means; given their life, they were fantastic kids and were far from being holy terrors. I just realized that having my own to raise is definitely not an option for me.

We're on the same ship, I think. Perhaps just a different hallway :)

PinkyPie
01-26-2006, 07:35 AM
Hey we're in the same cabin!!! I have tried in the past and had two miscarriages. The last one split our relationship up because he couldn't handle my grief. Now I have a brand new partner, we've been together 4 years, he had a vasectomy nearly 20 years ago, so we haven't bothered to have a reversal, and pretty much decided to live childfree.
He has a 20 year old daughter, who I adore, but no subsitute for having your own kids. She's a bit old to buy frilly dresses for ;)


I split up from my last partner (one of the reasons) because I wanted to at least TALK ABOUT having a family and he wanted none of it. So I've never even gotten that far.

I want you to know, a friend of mine here has a partner who is a bit older than her, had a V 15 years ago or so... they went to Belgium to a special clinic and they were actually able to retrieve swimmers from him! They then did IUI and she got PG on the first attempt. Her daughter was born this past October :) So even if he had the V that long ago, if it's something you want, it's worth looking into.

I can imagine your SD doesn't really want frilly dresses from you, no! :D

2frustrated
01-26-2006, 12:20 PM
Kykaree, you can buy me frilly dresses in June :yes:

My mum went through lots of fertility issues after she had me for about 15 or 16 years till she decided to just about stop trying and then feel pregnant and miscarried. I think they call it something like secondary infertility or something... :dunno:

Jen415
01-26-2006, 02:06 PM
I am childfree by choice now....but many years ago, in my first marriage, I wanted a baby SO MUCH. Went through the whole infertility thing. I got pregnant, but had to terminate due to an ectopic pregnancy. After that, I could not do it anymore. I grieved for a long time. My marriage eventually ended, and my infertility was a big part in it.

Now that I am 40, I wouldn't want to have a baby now, although the thought of having my partner's baby is a very romantic notion.

PinkyPie
01-27-2006, 04:10 AM
I'm glad Kylie started this thread and I'm glad that there are others we can relate to, though I am sorry if it's a painful subject as well.

RobinW
01-27-2006, 11:02 PM
There are a few of us out there, that know exactly how you feel, and how you are treated by others. Im one of them :) I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldnt ever have any kids, it what I was told. People find that very hard to relate to sometimes. I have a daughter now, but those people that tried to make nice once they found out I was pregnant, I did my best to politely and completely keep them out of my life.

I didnt mean to bust in on your thread, but I just wanted you to know that Im out here, and I remember how it felt. All but 2 of my very close friends are childless. Either by choice or medical reasons.

Anyway, Im rambling....:)

Safiyah_is_Fluffy
01-27-2006, 11:25 PM
My husband has cf so his sperm have slow motility and I have had irregular periods since I was 13, I desperately want to have a child and its very painful.

My husbands cousin just got married 2 months ago and they annouced a week ago his wife was pregnant, my husband and his mom were so excited but i just forced a big smile and then went to the bathroom and cried....

hubby is 38 and i am 26 so he's ready now too....to make it even worse we found out he has hep c, (probably from his operations) and now we are using condoms, I just don;t ever know if I will be able to have a child....

I dont know if I could live child free and we don't have the money to adopt...
:(

happydaisy
01-28-2006, 12:58 AM
I'm divorced with one child and very much want another one. Last year my doctor told me she didn't think I'd be able to have any more children (cystic ovaries, etc.) so, we'll see. I'm not in a committed relationship now so it's not much of an option. I have few good friends who are unable to have children and it is a heartbreaking thing for them. We work in a field where we see many parents who do not want/mistreat their children which makes it even more difficult. I'm very thankful for the one I have but always imagined a larger family and would love for him to have siblings.