100 lb. Club - I want to stay fat because... (Part Two, the serious version)




synger
01-09-2006, 12:14 PM
I enjoyed the previous tongue-in-cheek thread so much (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71670&page=3) that I posted a link to it on my blog. One of my friends said something about it that really hit home, though. She said that she had some serious reasons she wanted to stay fat, and that although she was trying to work on them, they were still there. It made me think a lot.

So here is a more serious version of the game. Think about it.

---------------

I want to stay fat because...

I feel safe and secure behind the layer of blubber. No one has to notice me when all they can see is fat.

I am used to the idea of being obese. I am scared of having to re-learn what it is like to be thin.

While I do not think fat is sexy, I'm used to it and so is my husband. The thought of sagging skin grosses me out.

My husband is secure with me at this weight, even though he's extremely supportive of my weight-loss efforts and wants me to be healthy. I do not want him to feel threatened by a trimmer wife who might attract unwanted attention from other males.

I do not want to have to watch everything I eat and think about exercise every day for the rest of my life. If I just go on with my life, nothing will change, but it's much easier.


Jen415
01-09-2006, 12:33 PM
I want to stay fat because:

--I have NEVER been thin, and it scares me.

--I am afraid being thin won't solve all of my problems in life.

--I'm lazy.

Charbar
01-09-2006, 12:58 PM
excellent thread!

but the sad part.. and sometimes I wonder if THIS is holding me back.

I know there must be a reason I want to stay fat.. or else I would have changed this years ago. But - I have no idea. I remember watching Dr. Phil.. him always asking.. so what's your payoff? I have no payoff at this size!

Sure, I understand a rape victim wanting to "hide behind her fat" - but me? I just don't get it!

Anyone willing to shead some light on this would be great. Oprah has said it too - "there's more to you being fat besides eating too much - you have to dig deeper" - or she said something like that.

This question really drives me nuts!


Heva2015
01-09-2006, 01:09 PM
Hi
I was actually thinking about this in the shower last night. It really scares me losing weight because I will suddenly have male attention and I'm not sure how I'll cope with having choice even though I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend I feel like he feels secure with me being overweight and it might change everything. I'm worried I'll still think I'm fat when I'm thin and it might turn into an eating disorder. I'm worried it won't solve all my problems.

mousie
01-09-2006, 01:36 PM
excellent thread!

but the sad part.. and sometimes I wonder if THIS is holding me back.

I know there must be a reason I want to stay fat.. or else I would have changed this years ago. But - I have no idea. I remember watching Dr. Phil.. him always asking.. so what's your payoff? I have no payoff at this size!

Sure, I understand a rape victim wanting to "hide behind her fat" - but me? I just don't get it!

Anyone willing to shead some light on this would be great. Oprah has said it too - "there's more to you being fat besides eating too much - you have to dig deeper" - or she said something like that.

This question really drives me nuts!

Your 'payoff' could be something as basic as "changing and losing weight requires consistent effort, and right now I don't want to take that time away from other things in my life." So you stay fat because it's easier, and because it doesn't challenge the things you've set as priorities.

Or it could be that, as a busy person with several claims on your time, food is the way you reward/take care of yourself, and taking away food takes away the 'only' consistent pampering you give yourself.

Holding on to your weight isn't always because of some diabolical, victim-like past event.

Yogini
01-09-2006, 01:52 PM
I'll miss my full, round breasts which will deflate and turn a little saggy :( The same thing will happen to my belly...the smooth skin on my belly will be replaced by scores of sagging skin and wrinkly stretch marks :( The upper arm area will sag as well :(

So, in short, sagging skin is the only thing that worries me about losing a lot of weight.

jillybean720
01-09-2006, 02:08 PM
Much like Jen and Heva said, I was always very afraid of losing weight because it might not solve all my problems. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember, back to when I was about 7 years old, I think. In school, I complained that the boys and the popular girls didn't like me because I was fat. I complained that I didn't get a job because I was fat, so the interviewer didn't like me. I complained that I didn't get the lead in the school musical because I was too fat to fit the part. I cried myself to sleep most nights feeling sorry for myself and ashamed of what I was--I knew life would be perfect if I weighed much less.

However, had I lost the weight, I figured life would be so much better. Boys would pay attention to me, girls would see me as a friend instead of a freak, I would look good in a normal business suit, and I could play roles other than the old grandmother parts! But then I thought, my God, what if it's not true? What if I do lose the weight and look completely normal on the outside and NOTHING CHANGES?! That would mean there's SOMETHING ELSE WRONG WITH ME, and who really wants to face that reality?

I know now that that is silly. I see how much I have changed in the past 4 years. I am a completely different person, yet I am still obese. I have a good (boring, but good ;) ) job and a boyfriend who loves me no matter how much I weigh. I live in a spacious apartment in a nice neighborhood and get along with all of my coworkers, and I'm STILL fat. I see now that it's about perception and realization, not about size. I spent YEARS being afraid to lose weight, but now I'm up to the challenge :D

YP1
01-09-2006, 03:04 PM
I'm still scared of losing all the weight and putting it back on again. Sometimes I wonder in my more depressed moments whether it wouldn't be better to stay fat and relatively happy than to lose it all, give myself a taste of being thin and then to disappoint myself by losing it.

I'm scared of statistics that say I'll regain and of putting myself through all this effort for no net result after a few years.

(I battle this fear, and am winning at the moment, but it still keeps bugging me)

barbygirl43
01-09-2006, 03:10 PM
I don't have the same hangups as many where I use my weight as a weapon against the world.
I want to stay fat because it's way easier than being healthy. I takes little to no effort on my part.

I'm also with Helen and I think the fear of failing would be a big reason to stay fat.

jillybean720
01-09-2006, 03:57 PM
I don't want to stay fat. Yes it is a lot easier to be fat, and saggy skin after weight loss is a slight concern. But to exchange that for health is not something I want to do. I want to be a healthy active mommy (in the future) and I can't do that where I am at now. That's my truth. :)
To be clear, I don't think any of us wants to STAY fat--if we did, we wouldn't be here! We're just voicing reasons as to why losing weight can be so intimidating and how scary it can be, but we are all here to face those fears :^:

DishyFishy
01-09-2006, 04:02 PM
I'm scared of statistics that say I'll regain and of putting myself through all this effort for no net result after a few years.The [few] stats I've seen* touting this are based upon studies of people who followed some sort of commercial plan. The studies show that those who do it on their own have far greater success at keeping the weight off.

*Even 3+ years after I moved here I still have unpacked boxes :o, but I'll see if I can dig out some of the reports I have, and post more details.

comebacktotexas15
01-09-2006, 04:09 PM
i want to stay fat because the saggy skin. its just easier than haveing to keep toneing up my body which can take a LONG time. besides i give my mom something to pic on. that way i am use to her, and she wont find something else

ScarlettDrawl
01-09-2006, 04:09 PM
To be clear, I don't think any of us wants to STAY fat--if we did, we wouldn't be here! We're just voicing reasons as to why losing weight can be so intimidating and how scary it can be, but we are all here to face those fears :^:

I wasn't implying that you do. I was saying that for every reason why losing weight can be intimidating and scary, there is a far better reason why you shouldn't let your fears get the best of you (my future children, for me!). And again, I'm not saying that anyone here does...I'm speaking for myself (as only I can do). For every reason I thought of (for myself) in answering this thread, I thought of how limited my success would be if I let those fears stop me (my honest truth as I mentioned in my earlier post). I know why we are all here, the same reason I'm here. I would not dare judge someone based on their own personal feelings and opinions. ;)

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear" -- Mark Twain

YP1
01-09-2006, 04:13 PM
The [few] stats I've seen* touting this are based upon studies of people who followed some sort of commercial plan. The studies show that those who do it on their own have far greater success at keeping the weight off.

*Even 3+ years after I moved here I still have unpacked boxes :o, but I'll see if I can dig out some of the reports I have, and post more details.

No-one said the fears have to be rational ;)

treefrogtoes
01-09-2006, 04:35 PM
I sometimes joke about putting what I've lost back on because of the saggy skin. Also, I now have my 'monthly' monthly rather than quarterly like I did when I was heavier! Grr...

Charbar
01-09-2006, 04:48 PM
Holding on to your weight isn't always because of some diabolical, victim-like past event.

wow.. never thought of that. So my payoff could be I can remain to be lazy :?: that doesn't sound too good. But I don't want to be. My payoff could be that people will not have high expectations of me - so they are satisfied or impressed when I - the fat girl - can do the same things other "normal" people can do. Interesting...

Sheila53
01-09-2006, 04:55 PM
Sometimes I think it's because I can blame my fat for my fears and everything else. If I'm not fat, then I have to face the fact that I'm scared of taking risks. Fat keeps me safe from putting myself out there to possibly get hurt. If someone doesn't like me it's because I'm fat, not because of some other reason that I might have to work on.

Rebeca
01-09-2006, 05:08 PM
GIrls I have a little piece of advice to you...hiding behind fat is not going to make the world different! If you do not want your bfs or dhs to feel unsecure because you are "prettier" than before stop and think about how secure your relationship actually is... Besides there is no man in the world worth someone feeling bad about themselves just to make them feel secure!!! WHen someone is loosing weight they have to love themselves enough and think that they ARE worth of having a wonderful body and feeling great about themselves... just being the best they can be!!!
Good luck to all of us!!!

shedilbry
01-09-2006, 05:28 PM
i secretly want to stay fat because...

i dont want to meet men
its just easy
i'm comfortable in my shell and if i lost my weight that would mean i'd have no more excuses for me to live my life the way i'm living it.

cagirlygirl
01-09-2006, 05:40 PM
There was a thread on this topic a few weeks ago over on the "chicks in control board". Here's the link: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70767

And here's what I posted there:

I've never been a "normal" weight, either. I've been fat since I was in diapers. For me, the scariest thing about finally losing this weight is the "what if"...

Because this is all I've ever known, I find that I attribute everything bad that happens (or good that doesn't happen) to being a fat girl. Here's how it works: I think, "I'm invisible because I'm fat". Or, "No guy will date me because I'm fat". Or, "I can't do that because I'm fat". Or, I won't get that promotion because I'm fat".

So then the Big Scary Question: What if I lose the weight, and it turns out that all that stuff wasn't just because I'm fat? What if I get thin and I'm still invisible. And no guy wants to date me. And I still don't get that promotion. I'd have to deal with the possibility that I'm not good enough, cute enough, smart enough after all. That the flaw is actually in me, and not in my fat. And that, that is SCARY to me.

But here's the kicker - the thought that it took almost 33 years to fall out of my brain: What if it goes the other way? What if I'm not invisible anymore, and my new self-confidence opens doors for me that I never imagined. That would be pretty cool. And that's what got me going. And that's why I will succeed.

Sorry - that was way too many words :blah: It feels good to finally articulate it, though. Thanks for the great thread!

It was the first time I'd really thought about the "why" and been able to articulate it clearly. I can honestly say it's made a difference in my outlook lately. Hope the rest of you find some comfort in it, too! :grouphug:

cheers! :hat:
paula

Heather
01-09-2006, 07:11 PM
charbar -- I always thought that there had to be a reason why I was fat too, and could never come up with it. I'm starting to think a big part of it was that I just wasn't willing to do what it takes before. I liked eating and didn't like exercising and seemed to get a lot of what I wanted anyway. I was smart and did well in school, and fat didn't really get in the way of that. I know I also hid behind my fat a lot, but I had good self-esteem in many areas...

I think I would want to stay fat because it's easier and because I don't want to fail and gain it all back again.

But I'm learning that the consequences of staying fat are perhaps more than I want to pay for the convenience, if that makes any sense.

activeadventurer
01-09-2006, 07:35 PM
I love this thread. I think it really goes to the heart of weight loss. I have been thin for a significant part of my life in my teens and twenties after being a very fat child. And as an adult I lost 80#, was thin and kept it off for 5 years. The most amazing thing was when people wanted to talk to me about my weight loss, they couldn't believe it when I told them that I had the same problems as when I was fat but now I had nothing to blame it on, (if only I were thin...was my mantra) I can still remember the face of this one woman telling me I was lying and that simply wasn't true.

Every one has there own unique experience. What I experienced after being thin as an adult for a few years is that school still stressed me out, I was still uncomfortable around many men and my family situation was still pretty chaotic. It didn't really change much inside me. I just bought different clothes and had to deal with my fears around the opposite sex more often!

Losing weight now feels like an act of self love and self preservation. I had given up hope that I could lose weight as an older adult when two years ago I lost 50 pounds. It wasn't losing the weight that has given me hope, it has been maintaining 40#s of that weight loss (I regained 10 lbs last year after my surgery for uterine cancer) for 2 years that has given me hope. Hope that this year I can lose another 50-80 #s. I feel like I needed those two years to readjust my psyche. In what way I have no idea.

Ali, my doctor of many years ago told me that studies have shown that people who lose weight " on their own" ,i.e., not with a commercial weight loss group, are much more likely to keep it off. I am not sure if those were the kind of studies you were talking about.

:hug: Denise

activeadventurer
01-09-2006, 07:40 PM
I forgot to say, I want to stay fat because

I fear change, even good ones
That I will look worse not better (the saggy skin thing)
That I will buy into the idea (for me) that the "perfect body" leads to the "perfect life". This has led me previously to feeling bad about myself for no good reason.

Denise

famograham
01-09-2006, 08:03 PM
Sheila!!
I cannot possibly put it better for myself!!
I'm just going to have to oughtright steal your words, because well....that's EXACTLY how I feel..scared of facing other fears..having no excuse to do things I'm afraid to do.



Sometimes I think it's because I can blame my fat for my fears and everything else. If I'm not fat, then I have to face the fact that I'm scared of taking risks. Fat keeps me safe from putting myself out there to possibly get hurt. If someone doesn't like me it's because I'm fat, not because of some other reason that I might have to work on.

Thank you for making clear the thought I was trying to gather, Sheila :hug:
xoxo
Linda

futuresurferchick
01-09-2006, 10:05 PM
Every. single. thing. that you have all said is exactly the way I feel! Saggy skin, laziness, fear of higher expectations, fear of gaining it all back, fear of finding out there is more wrong with me than I thought, and all the other things that have already been said, they are SO true for me.

To add a few:

1. As I have never been thin... I'm afraid to find out that I'm ugly as a thin person.
2. As I have never been thin, who I am as a person has a lot to do with my weight. So if I lose the weight, where does that leave my identity?
3. I've read so many weight loss stories where people who have lost weight have lost friends, and I am scared to find out that good friends of mine won't like me anymore.
4. Fear of my weight loss being noticed, of compliments, especially from classmates at school, and also from family.
5. There are a lot of things I want to do with my life... I have a lot of dreams. If I lose all the weight, I will have no excuse not to do them! And no excuse if I fail.


As you can tell I have thought a lot about this...... haha... having said all of that, I DO want to lose weight, I am ready to face all of these challenges.

I think that it can be therepeutic to talk about these things and let them out, but endlessly psychoanalyzing myself without action became yet another barrier for me to get over. Digging deep can be important but it can also be another excuse to sit around waiting for action, if you know what I mean. I finally had to tell myself that I was done trying to dig deep and uncover my innermost reasons for being overweight, and just get on with losing it already! That is just me though, you might have a different experience. :)

H-ko
01-09-2006, 10:33 PM
I think I have used it as an excuse to be lazy and to push people away - before they have a chance to hurt me (what an optimist!). Right now, all strangers see is fat. What if I lose the fat - what will protect me then? It's a lot easier to be rejected for something you *could* change than to be rejected for yourself. I'm not saying I do this consciously, but I think that is part of my "deep down" reason.

Heather
01-09-2006, 11:09 PM
I would be interested to hear whether people who have lost the weight had these fears, and whether these fears were realized. Denise touched on it, some.

I, too, would love to know what the research says, but I also know how misleading research can be, especially if it's not good research or from 2ndhand reports.

wip
01-09-2006, 11:52 PM
Good thread folks. I really appreciate all your insights. I've been wondering about this for the last year on and off (since I read Dr. Phil). My thoughts:

1. It is easier to eat more and move less. Requires less effort and planning on my part.

2. The "deeper" reason - I've been fat and slim. My slim self met and married a man, was miserable and gained like crazy (80 lbs in a year), 3 years later he left me for another slim woman. Woke up and looked after myself again - lost all weight. Met and married another man (hottie no less). Fast forward 3 babies and career advancement - me VERY fat and somewhat unhappy (there I admitted it). Worried cute hubby may follow path of first. Am I "testing" him? Daring him? :( :?: If that's true I better smarten up!!!

I really think the first is the most significant barrier for me. I am just back at the gym and LOVE the way I feel after. (Not so much during :p ). I'm hoping that the body awareness will encourage more postive thoughts, better coping skills and ultimately healthier choices. Reason #2 is a little inner voice that I think is just my inner teenager :mad: making up excuses!

t0rn
01-10-2006, 12:14 AM
Suppose I'd like to stay fat so that it wouldn't be as hard to trust people. Kind of have this fear that I won't be able to really trust anyone when I'm thin. I'll always be thinking of how they would've never accepted me as a fat person.

I'd also like to stay fat so that I could "win" I suppose. Do the things that I want and be able to tell people that I really don't care that they dislike the fact that I'm overweight. I'd like to show them that I can be fat and happy at the same time. Eh. I'd like to show others like myself that they're not worthless and they can be everything that they want to be and still be overweight. Hm.

taekwondomom
01-10-2006, 04:37 AM
I have never been very good at making or having friends. I always assume people can't like me or seriously want to be my friend and hang out with me because I am fat. Even if the other person is fat too. I fear learning that even with out my 'fat bubble' I will still not be worthy enough of friends.
I also use my fat as an excuse not to try new things. That way I can't try them and fail.
Third of all, and perhaps this is part of my current weightloss stall issues; I'm afraid of trying to lose weight and embarrassing myself by failing OR succeeding at losing my weigh, looking fabulous, then gaining it all back.

DollyR
01-10-2006, 05:24 AM
I might put a little twist on the wording instead of saying "I want to stay fat" I want to say "I will stay fat because":

I have this obsession with food. It drives to the brink at moments I can not describe. I can go at something with a wild abandon that scares me sometimes. I find myself just whipping through a bag of chips in five to ten minutes and then licking my salty fingers. It makes me so made that I let myself get to that point where nothing but nothing can stop me.

I also have a food love affair. I like all of it. I have nothing except a few odd local delicacies that I can not eat (pig livers, live (yes live) octopus) I love the smell, the size of the large portions and the textures as I chew. The only thing I hate is the stuffed sensation I get at the end where I can't move and just want to sleep.

Both of these are soooo hard to give up.

Like an addict in a daze....................

ChocLabLover
01-10-2006, 09:44 AM
I might put a little twist on the wording instead of saying "I want to stay fat" I want to say "I will stay fat because":

I have this obsession with food. It drives to the brink at moments I can not describe. I can go at something with a wild abandon that scares me sometimes. I find myself just whipping through a bag of chips in five to ten minutes and then licking my salty fingers. It makes me so made that I let myself get to that point where nothing but nothing can stop me.

I also have a food love affair. I like all of it. I have nothing except a few odd local delicacies that I can not eat (pig livers, live (yes live) octopus) I love the smell, the size of the large portions and the textures as I chew. The only thing I hate is the stuffed sensation I get at the end where I can't move and just want to sleep.

Both of these are soooo hard to give up.

Like an addict in a daze....................

Amen sister! That about sums it up for me. It is trying to get over that all consuming love of food that is the battle. For me it will be the inner fat child having a temper tantrum every time I say no to something I want to eat that is bad for me.

Jenniffer
01-10-2006, 11:00 AM
Seriously...

I want to stay fat because I am afraid.

FS72
01-10-2006, 11:07 AM
I want to stay fat because in my warped way of thinking its easier. But really its harder to be this big. It maybe hard to lose it but it will still be easier to be thin.

I am also a little afraid of learning to "live again".

But fear or not if I am going to see my son grow up I am going to have to step up to the plate and put in the hard work. Like it or not lol

Felicia

djs06
01-13-2006, 01:31 AM
oh my gosh... reading this made me feel so GOOD.

Not because I want you all to be miserable and stay overweight.

Because I know that I"M NOT ALONE.

I've tried explaining to my skinny friends that my fat is like a shell- only people who really want to get past it will try, adn they won't have ulterior motives. Of course this is a very flawed logic, and even though I know it's wrong, it feels SAFE becuase i've known it for so long.

People who aren't overweight don't understand. I could sit here and talk about having meaningless sex because I want love (which isn't the case, I'm just pulling out something I've heard a lot of) and they'll understand, but they wont understand how being fat is a defense mechanism.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It's really helpful.

cambri
01-13-2006, 03:11 PM
This is a really good thread. I'm scared to lose weight because I've never been skinny. I've been fat since I was a toddler.

Just the fear of not knowing what it's like scares me. I've never really been one for taking risks and jumping into the unknown.

I just don't know what my role would be if I wasn't "The Fat Girl" and that scares me. Who am I? While I'm losing weight, I'm trying to get to know and love myself. I don't want to be the fat girl. I'm moving to Florida and I finally have the chance to start over...and just be Cambri, not the fat girl, and that's what keeps me going.

stacylambert
01-14-2006, 01:24 AM
All mine have been mentioned but I'll go ahead:

1) Right now life is hard because I'm fat. That's why I can't find a job or friends, why the landlord gives me grief, why noone will talk to me at the gym, etc etc.
2) Right now men have no interest in me because I'm fat. But what if i lose weight and they still don't look at me? What if I don't even have "a pretty face"?
3) I have a very addictive personality. Before it was food (well still kind of is). Now it's anything related to losing weight/weight training. But when I'm "done", what will I do with myself?

Stinger766
01-14-2006, 01:56 PM
Great thread!

I agree with pretty much everything everyone has said!

I want to stay fat because:

1) It's easier from a practical stand point to eat whatever is handy and not cook healthy meals (although I still make healthy meals for my son so that makes no sense!)
2) I'm worried about sagging skin
3) I don't know who I would be as a thin person because I've been heavy since I was 20
4) I don't handle the attention from men well when I'm thinner because I'm worried they will hurt me like all the men have before
5) I'm worried I'll have a chip on my shoulder to men because they weren't interested when I was heavier and I'm the same person either way
6) Like Stacy, I feel like I've traded an addiction to food for an addiction to weight loss and what will be next after I'm done losing weight?
7) I'm worried that the relationships I have with my overweight friends will change (I saw this when I lost weight the last time)
8) I'm worried as many others that losing weight won't change the problems I have in relationships with men and won't attract more men and I'll find out there is something worse wrong with me than being fat

I will say though that being a person that lost 96 lbs in 10 months and then gaining all but 17 lbs of it back in following 13 months, I'm not afraid of gaining back. I found a plan that works for me so I know physically I can do it. It's the mental part that I have issues with.

Serval87
01-23-2011, 11:39 PM
I want to stay fat, because food is a big pleasure for me, and my life has very little pleasure to begin with.

I feel like if I take my junk foods away ... then what do I have left to enjoy?

I think about food so much. I will look forward to my next meal like a child looks forward to Christmas morning, and I will try to make it as good as possible by pairing foods I love together with a movie or show that I want to see. What will I look forward to when I'm not allowed to eat these foods or as much of these foods anymore?

AZ Sunrises
01-24-2011, 01:08 AM
I'm a cute fat chick and still get attention, but I like being invisible to most men. I have a healthy sense of confidence in intimate situations, and knowing that I'm going to be left with hanging slabs of skin leaves me less than enthusiastic. I'd rather be a cute fat chick than an unattractive thinner one. I work in a male-dominated industry, and I'm one of the few women that the guys take seriously...and I wonder if that will change as I become more traditionally attractive. I'm lazy and really don't like to exercise or watching what I eat. I like that women don't exhibit jealousy toward me.

Asherdoodles87
01-24-2011, 02:07 AM
I want to stay fat because I have a fear that I will develop an ego like I am better then other people.

Also, I have a fear that if I lose the weight I will leave my boyfriend of a year if other men finally pay attention to me. I love my boyfriend, but I don't know how I will feel if other men are actually interested in me.

I want to stay fat because I am afraid I may not even love myself thin.

I want to stay fat because I have a fear of loose skin...

Eliana
01-24-2011, 10:13 AM
I want to stay fat because it's way easier than being healthy. I takes little to no effort on my part.

I'm also with Helen and I think the fear of failing would be a big reason to stay fat.

This thread really surprises me because I do not have any of these fears. I'm reading it with great interest in how different we are all wired. Barbygirl, yours in particular took me by surprise. ;) I have to disagree and say that staying fat is not easier! :no: It may seem like it in the moment. It's easier for a moment to give in to whatever temptation is in front of you, but it is so, so much easier in every way to be thin! I painted my dining room yesterday and got up and down off a kitchen chair while working my way around the ceiling. The last time I did this at 235 pounds I was so sore the next day. This time, not a bit of soreness. It's no different than the squats I do at the gym all the time. It was a non-event, not a workout at all. The other example I can give is heart burn. I used to have such bad attacks. It was painful, scary and hard! Those are gone, not a concern in the least little bit. Everything is easier including getting in and out of my car, bringing in groceries, shopping, running upstairs just to turn off a forgotten light, standing at the sink to do dishes, tieing my shoes, picking things up off the floor, mopping the floor, getting up from the couch, just everything.

I can't speak to the mental things. I have been mentally thin all along. Now if you reversed this scenario and asked my why I was afraid of getting fat, I'd have the biggest list ever for you!

lottie63
01-24-2011, 10:27 AM
*Sigh*

My bf is a 'chubby chaser'....we've been together since we were 14 and 15 respectively...I was never thin, but once I hit 260 in 2004 I got sick of it and lost 70 lbs. He was surprised at how much he liked me that way...

Then I gained it back and we didn't have sex for 5 months.

I'm kind of scarred by that. We had a big fight, and I gained 40 more lbs.

I kind of wonder if it was because I was mad. Because he was attracted to me at 260 before, but after I lost and regained he wasn't.

I was resentful. I still am a little and it's been about 5 years since that happened. He said he's sorry, and he doesn't think like that anymore. I can SEE where he's coming from ....but...I dunno. The last time I got down to about where I am now, I started regaining. I honestly worry that I'll be resentful of him for being more attracted to me again as I lose, which is stupid, but, it's how I feel.

MablesGirl
01-24-2011, 11:35 AM
I understand all of these!

Eliana - I don't think barbygirl meant LIFE was easier. She said if was easier to stay fat. It's so much easier to drive by McDonald's for dinner than to have shopped for healthy food, planned a meal, cooked a meal, and then cleaned up after a healthy meal. It's easier to stay on the couch watching TV than to drag your low-energy self (from being overweight and no exercise) to the gym. LIFE is not easier, by no means. But the steps required to stay fat are easier than the steps required to get thin. Much like others have said.

Along with some of the other reasons, for me, I love my husband, but what if the things that need work do not get better when I lose weight? What steps do I take then?

Eliana
01-24-2011, 11:58 AM
Volleyball, yes, and no. I guess it goes back to what Robin always said about "choose your hard". :D That's why I like the method of keeping everything simple in my plan.

u2can
01-24-2011, 11:59 AM
I don't WANT to stay fat, however there are fears that are making my motivation that much weaker. I restart a commitment every few weeks, to exercise more, eat healthier, etc. I make it about 3 days and then find myself thinking much like many have stated previously; things are not good now, but what if after all this work, they aren't any better? Why should I bother?

This time around, I find myself thinking and saying to myself "Self.... ;)"

Even if most things aren't better, or changed YOU will be
Your health WILL improve
You will have more energy
You will be able to do more fun activities without feeling like you're holding everyone else back

The final thought that really excites me is...
You will have accomplished a major goal! You will have SUCCEEDED!!

Losing weight is not easy, it's not easy being obese, however staying obese takes less concentrated effort than making that change. Not making those efforts over the last 15+ years has gotten me right here, in the same obese body that it was 15 years ago. I'm making the change today! I'll keep making the change each with each & every choice I make, even if my choice is a poor one for that moment. My goal is not to succeed immediately, but step by step. This board (and my lurking) gives me encouragement & motivation.

Essa415
01-24-2011, 12:22 PM
I'm a cute fat chick and still get attention, but I like being invisible to most men. I have a healthy sense of confidence in intimate situations, and knowing that I'm going to be left with hanging slabs of skin leaves me less than enthusiastic. I'd rather be a cute fat chick than an unattractive thinner one. I work in a male-dominated industry, and I'm one of the few women that the guys take seriously...and I wonder if that will change as I become more traditionally attractive. I'm lazy and really don't like to exercise or watching what I eat. I like that women don't exhibit jealousy toward me.

I was about to post something on here but this is exactly what I was about to say... you took the words right out of my mouth, right down to how men in my workplace will treat me.

Ky30
01-24-2011, 12:31 PM
I want to stay fat

- So I can just eat away my marriage problems and not have to deal with them
- because that's all I've ever known
- so I can eat whatever the heck I want

sept15lija
01-24-2011, 03:10 PM
I want to stay fat because I think somehow it protects me. I've been physically pushed around in my past, and it's more difficult to push a 250 pound person than a 150 pound person. But the fact is I can't protect myself against someone a lot stronger than me anyways, so why hide behidn it?? This is also why I'm looking into self defense classes, I think it would do wonders for me to know I CAN kick butt if I had to!!

Samantha1776
01-24-2011, 05:29 PM
I have a very good life. I am well educated, I have a fiance who spoils me rotten, I have a very nice face, I have had a job lined up since before I even finished Uni. If I was thin as well, catty people would dislike me more.

At my current weight they can relish the fact my body is well outside the cultural norm for beauty, and therefore accept me. If I were thin, they would be hard pressed to find something to makes themselves feel better about.


On the other hand I am very much looking forward to being thin as I know it will make my mother hugely insecure. I don't speak to her, she hurt me very badly, and it will be a very sweet revenge.

Robsia
01-24-2011, 05:43 PM
I think for me, I stayed fat for so long because:

a) I enjoyed food and eating and I didn't want to give it up. And by eating, I mean eating far too much of the wrong things, like a whole cake or a whole packer of biscuits after my daughter had gone to bed. I didn't want to have to stop doing that because I liked it.

b) I was scared that losing weight would mean having to do exercise, and I was very scared of exercise. I was no good at it and thought I never would be. I hated the burning feeling in my throat and the pain in my muscles every time I tried to do something.

c) I knew it would be a long hard slog and would be hard work and I didn't want it enough to be willing to put in the work necessary at that point.

d) I was delusional and still thought I looked OK, just a bit chubby, but not really fat.

Once I figured out d) was wrong, then c) and a) fell into place (although a) was hard!!). B) took a lot longer, I didn't really start exercising properly and getting myself fit until I had lost most of my weight. And yes, it was hard and I did get the burning feeling in my throat and it was bloody hard for a while, but I am SO glad that I persevered.

I feel so proud of myself, and THAT feels better than eating a whole cake any day of the week.

Suzanne 3FC
01-24-2011, 08:41 PM
Volleyball, yes, and no. I guess it goes back to what Robin always said about "choose your hard". :D That's why I like the method of keeping everything simple in my plan.

That was actually Dek6 that said this, though it was so popular that other members copied her.

Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Choose your hard.

Makes perfect sense :)

Bettysgarden
01-24-2011, 11:40 PM
Hello,
This thread is the best thing I have read regarding weight loss. I know what to eat, I know how to work out. I go so far and stop. I lose weight and regain not out of laziness I regain enough until I feel safe and comfortable again. I lose 10 ,regain 5, lose 10 again, regain 5 or 8. After 5 years, I am 50 pounds down but it feels more of an emotional battle than a food battle. And when I try to imagine myself thin, I envision myself thin,but also alone, uncomfortable and afraid. I want to lose weight to be healthy but its an exhaustive amount of work, a long hard lonely battle and I dont know what it will feel like when I get there. It feels like I will have to work hard to be safe and that the emotional work may be too much to bear.

Until this thread, I didn't know anyone else had any feelings remotely close to mine.

Mae

debuneko
01-25-2011, 12:26 AM
This question is one that should be asked more and without value judgments and useless comparisons. It's very important to ask this question because before you decide to lose weight, you should know that you are giving up something of value to you. What you lose is personal, and not to be scrutinized and have fingers wagged at by others. Everyone has irrational thinking and less than perfect ways of dealing with them. Some of the people who lose weight cling to their fears and act on them, but society says that undereating and overexercising to deal with your fears is okay, but being fat is not. Don't let anyone mock or judge the things which you gained of value from being fat.

For me, it is mainly of value in being out of the game. I prefer not to go out and about too much. I prefer not to be around too many people. When I weighed much more, I essentially was too disabled to go out and do things I didn't want to do anyway. This was not about being lazy. I'm not a lazy person at all. In fact, I'm currently suffering a back injury and have to stay in bed and it is excruciating doing nothing. This is about my biological nature and being very sensitive to noise, lights, crowds, etc. People don't respect this nature or even recognize that it is an issue for some people. Being very overweight helped me opt out. It's been very hard pushing myself back into the game of life. Not everyone is joyful at the prospect of being liberated to go out in public, fit in restaurant chairs, or whatever people think will be great when they are smaller. It has been excruciating adjusting to this, but it is getting easier.

As I have continued to lose weight, I've felt increasingly vulnerable physically. Not only do men look at me more and differently (which I do not like at all - I'm not one of those women who is complimented by being sized up by random strangers as a sexual commodity), but I feel that I could not "take them" in an assault as I once may have.

Finally, I was comfortable with my self-image, negative as it was. It was the image I grew up with as loathsome, ugly, and worthless. Building an entirely different sense of self is hard and confusing. People often believe that they can't wait to love themselves more, but you will find that deeply embedded feelings of your own value do not vanish as you lose weight, particularly if you are the type of person who rejects that a person's value lies in their physical appearance (and most people with weight issues have spent their lives trying not to be so shallow). You are simply left empty and confused, especially in the long transitional period between "very fat" and "thin". When you get to the end, it's not a transformation. It's a transition.

There's a huge psychological price to pay with weight loss. There's also the potential for a huge gain psychologically, but you first have to recognize what you're giving up (again, not in terms of food, work, commitment, etc.) before you can fully embrace what you might gain. Not considering your losses when you decide to lose weight is like buying a new house without thinking about the reality of selling your old one. Bad as it might be and much as you may prefer the new one, the old one is your home and you're going to have a lot tied up in it mentally that doesn't simply evaporate from consideration because the new place is going to be nicer.

livb528
01-25-2011, 02:28 AM
I've been "the fat girl" since junior high and cannot really identify with myself as a thin person... it's just not how I see myself, I guess. And to echo what a lot of people have said, I do not like attention and being thin means being noticed more.

Also, if I were thin, I couldn't emotional eat anymore. Even though I always feel horrible afterwards, it's always such a comforting thing while I'm doing it. I just did it today while stressed out... But for long term weight loss, I know I need to learn how to deal with emotions without numbing them with food, and I have no idea how I'll do that. It's a crutch I've always had. I'm not going to lie, I might miss it. In a strange way, it kind of feels like a part of me.

rachael
01-25-2011, 11:48 AM
I was thinking about whoever said it's easier to go to McDonald's, etc. I totally thought that it was easier to go to McDonald's before. Now I think it's easier to just go grocery shopping once a week and have food in the house. I don't have to stress about what we're going to eat every day. I don't have to worry about spending money I don't have on buying lunch out every day. The food in my house is healthy and easy, but now it's hard for me to go to McDonald's. I have to think about what I can eat there and my choices are limited, so often nothing sounds good. I don't know. The transition was hard, but now the hards have switched.

sept15lija
01-25-2011, 11:57 AM
I was thinking about whoever said it's easier to go to McDonald's, etc. I totally thought that it was easier to go to McDonald's before. Now I think it's easier to just go grocery shopping once a week and have food in the house. I don't have to stress about what we're going to eat every day. I don't have to worry about spending money I don't have on buying lunch out every day. The food in my house is healthy and easy, but now it's hard for me to go to McDonald's. I have to think about what I can eat there and my choices are limited, so often nothing sounds good. I don't know. The transition was hard, but now the hards have switched.

I completely agree with you. If I know I'll be eating out, I get a little stressed because I don't always know the choices I'll have. This is why I love restaurants with online nutritional information, that way I can plan ahead.

NorthernExposure
01-25-2011, 01:59 PM
The one thing I haven't really thought about until I read this thread is the idea brough up by a couple of you:

Staying fat makes you more acceptable to other WOMEN, because even if you're smart, funny, cute, etc., you're not a threat because you're fat.

Interesting.

I'm not sure if this applies to me, but it might. I guess all of that just fits into the whole "fat girl" role...you're the funny friend, everyone's sister...but when it comes to traditional female competition, you're a non-combatant.

In your mind, no matter how much you excel in other areas of your life, no one could ever possibly be jealous of you because you're fat. The friends you have when you're fat are your *real* friends because they're genuinely happy for you when you get that promotion, buy your first house, etc. Whereas if you were thin, they would most certainly be jealous of those things.

In essence, being fat is almost like being physically handicapped. If you succeed at something, the reaction is "Oh, look at her! What an inspiration!" As opposed to "That b****. Why does everything always go right for HER?"

The only thing you are NOT allowed to succeed at if you're fat (especially if you have fat friends) is to LOSE WEIGHT.

Of course all the above is very messed-up thinking...but like someone else said, it doesn't have to be rational!

Ahzuri
01-25-2011, 02:28 PM
I want to stay fat because I'm afraid to see what I'll look like when I'm thin. I have for ages thought I am ugly because I am fat (I guess that what teasing does to you) so what if I still see myself as ugly when I'm thin?

I want to stay fat because I am terrified I'll have lots of skin left over

I want to stay fat because I haven't been thin since I was a child, my mom told me she thought I looked emaciated as a child (though I wasn't) and that isn't something I want.