General chatter - Help! I'm socially handicapped.




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lonelygirl06
01-08-2006, 11:59 AM
Please I need someone to help me with this. I'm 18, and I have no life. Meeting new people is intimidating for me. I don't even know how to meet new people to hang out with. I'm alone in a new apartment and I am so lonely. I cry a lot because it overwhelms me how much of a loser I am.

I really want to meet people my age to hang out with. I'm so introverted it hurts. How can I meet new people? I'm so DESPERATE. :( :?:


BeatlesFan
01-08-2006, 12:02 PM
What are your interets? I'm sure that there is someone near you that likes the same band, appreciates the same art, or loves the same types of movies you do.


Meeting new people can be intimidating, but it can also be a lot of fun. :)

almostheaven
01-08-2006, 12:07 PM
You need to start by talking. I became close friends with a gal at the pool this summer. We were both pregnant, gave us reason to chat. I've also developed a friendship with my favorite waitress at Ruby Tuesdays. I go, whether I have anyone to go with me or not. I just eat and read a book. Again, being pregnant was a factor there, as she has 5 kids and she enjoyed watching my belly grow and now in seeing my son. LOL I also made friends with the gal at my old apt. office. I used the clubhouse at the office to exercise, so we got to talking about our diets. You just need to notice something in another person that you can share a common bond with and open up a conversation. Even if it's just that you like their choice in outfits. Say that's my favorite color, whatever. But until you start a conversation, you'll never get to know them. Do you ever run into people in your apt. building? Best place to start. Knowing your neighbors will take away lonliness quickly. Most likely all the mail boxes are together. So start chatting when picking up mail. Say...hey, I just moved into apt. XX, these seem like nice apts., how long have you lived here, know any good restaurants in the area...etc. etc.


lonelygirl06
01-08-2006, 12:09 PM
I love martial arts, shopping, uhhhh

whoa maybe i need to re-evaluate and get some new interests!

my favorite bands are nirvana, incubus, grungy rock types :)

I love classic art like monet, matisse, etc

i love to read, especially alexandre dumas

i used to play bass, but not so much anymore.


How does one go out and meet people? (this is a serious question)

Most the people I do meet are way older than me, and I'd like to meet people relatively around my age.

almostheaven
01-08-2006, 12:09 PM
Ok, yeah, I'm showing my age. You being 18 and all, change that last question to: Know any good clubs in the area. LOLOL

almostheaven
01-08-2006, 12:10 PM
If you like martial arts, do you take lessons? What about your fellow students? You know you and they have at least one thing in common right off the bat. ;)

lonelygirl06
01-08-2006, 12:11 PM
Thank you, almostheaven :)

It's really hard for me to meet new people, I have really low self esteem and it's really difficult for me to not think they think I am a total dumbass sometimes.

lonelygirl06
01-08-2006, 12:12 PM
Well I teach there as well, and most of the people who train are either way older than me or 12 and under. I tried hanging out with one of the guys from there, and we became good friends, until he started dating this really possessive girl from the dojo so that went kaput.

srmb60
01-08-2006, 12:13 PM
I have a social anxiety disorder so groups of new people are devastating to me. I have few friends, mostly gals I work with and family. You can't have a whole lot more in common than that.

It's my opinion that the few friends I have are VERY good ones and that certainly beats being the belle of the ball.

srmb60
01-08-2006, 12:16 PM
I'm behind in my reading here :)

Friends come in all shapes and sizes. Two of my close friends are ten years younger and ten years older than me.

lonelygirl06
01-08-2006, 12:16 PM
I have 2 friends, but I really want to branch out and meet new people. They are at way different stages in their lives than me (married, children, turning 30) and I really would like to meet new people.

futuresurferchick
01-08-2006, 12:27 PM
I think one of the easiest places to meet people is in school, and for me that's where most of my friends have come from. If you're not in school, maybe you could take a course or class in something you're interested in? Cooking, art, music, whatever. Also, maybe you could ask your 2 friends if they know any younger people they could introduce you to. Most people I've met have been through someone else like that. Good luck! :hug:

killingjanni
01-08-2006, 01:16 PM
Like almostheaven said, you have to start by talking to people.

But where do you meet these people to talk to? Well, it could be anywhere. At school, at the gym... Why not join a club or take a class about something that interests you so you can find people with similar interests?

If you're shy (like me!), talking to people is easier said than done. Sometimes you have to really push yourself out of your comfort zone. But really, what's the worst that could happen? The more you push yourself out of that comfort zone, the easier it becomes. If you don't know what to talk about, ask a lot of questions--people LOVE to talk about themselves.

And then, when you feel comfortable, move your new-found friendship outside of the club/class/whatever setting by asking the person if they want to go out and do something. All you have to say is something like, "Oh, there's this really good movie coming out this weekend. I really want to see it! Did you want to come with me?"

Good luck! *hugs*

icmethinner
01-08-2006, 04:39 PM
Hi - I am sorry you are feeling this way! I used to have a lot more social anxiety than I do now. I was always worried about what people thought about me, had I said something wrong, etc. Then one day I realized - I'm not on stage - everyone is not sitting back waiting to see what I am going to do or say. We all just kind of do and say what we think at the time - EVERYONE says or does something they feel kind of dumb about later, but to the people who see or hear the "dumb" thing, it is just a fleeting moment. They may think for a second, "that was funny" but they forget about it moments later. Nobody is paying nearly as much attention as we think they are!

The other thing I learned is that whoever you present yourself as is what people believe about you. I grew up in extreme poverty in an extremely dysfunctional family and for a long time, I felt like everyone knew that about me and I walked around feeling ashamed - but you know what? They don't know! No one knows anything about you unless you tell them. And if you decide to go out and act confident, guess what? People will believe that you are confident. Think of the most popular person you know, or just someone you know who is really confident- do they never say anything "dumb"? Are they in any way perfect? Do they never make mistakes? There is no perfect person, and you don't have to be either.

Also, I don't know how you feel about religion, but a lot of churches have great groups for people your age who go on skiing trips together, cookouts and all sorts of fun things, so that would be a great place to meet people as well.

Take care - and don't worry!!!

:hug:

Margarita
01-08-2006, 05:14 PM
I have really low self esteem and it's really difficult for me to not think they think I am a total dumbass sometimes.
It might help if you try to get into the habit of not thinking about yourself so much. Learn to concentrate on the other person instead. This can be a big help to get you out of your nervousness.

I also think that taking a class, as one of the other posters suggested, is an excellent idea. A community college will have lots of people in your age group.

lonelygirl06
01-08-2006, 10:23 PM
:D Thank you ALL for such helpful posts!

I was talking to my friend and he really pointed out how busy I really am, (i.e. two jobs, school full time, etc.)

I think sometimes I get down on myself because I feel like, socially, I am behind where everyone else is. But I guess it's just that I have two really close friends and some not so close friends.

But I am transferring to another school in September and moving into the dorms there, so that will give me plenty of opportunity to socialize.

There is a Catholic Campus Ministry organization at my school, and I think I'm going to check them out and get involved with that group.

Again, thank you all for the wonderful suggestions, I really appreciate the help!! :D