100 lb. Club - Is This Your Little Secret?

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01-04-2006, 04:35 PM
I have said this in the past and I still feel the same way, I keep my "diet", "weightloss journey", "healthy change", whatever you want to call it, to myself. Besides my bf, no one knows that I have started this journey. And I want to keep it that way. I don't even really talk in depth with my bf. It's a private thing, and I don't want the food police chasin my *** all the time. I don't want ppl asking me how it's going or watching me. I don't need the added pressure. When I do this, it becomes the "main project". It probably borders on obsession. It always has to me on my mind. Otherwise, it will be placed on the back burner. BUT, I don't want ppl giving me their advice, opinion or even just the "looks". I think this is why this support group is such a positive and needed thing in my life. Because I need the support from all of you.

Even when ppl ask me (obviously in the past when I lost 60 lbs) I was embarressed to answer the questions. Yes, I loved the compliments. But I don't want to answer the questions "Are you losing weight"? "How much more"? What size are you now"? "Are you exercising"? "How much have you lost"? "How"? I don't like it and feel uncomfortable. Not here. But out there in the everyday world. At work, with about 17 women in the office. Weight is a big topic. I stay out of it.

Am I the only one?

01-04-2006, 04:37 PM
Yes, thats the way it starts and then some how the word gets around that I'm on a diet and it pisses me off when they say YOUR GONNA GAIN 500lbs from eating this or drinking that. You should be incouraging. *rolls eyes* I started this back in Nov, and Only DH knew about it. Then my stepdaughter figured it out and spilled it to all of DH's family, SO now they know and are always on my @SS. It gets old....

01-04-2006, 04:41 PM
Kinda sort of. My fiance, mother, and one brother (my fitness idol) know about it. It's no one else's business and I don't care for anyone else's input (except ya'lls of course, but ya'll are special ;) !)

01-04-2006, 04:41 PM
yep, i should have kept mine a little bit more secret. my live-in boyfriend obviously knows since we eat together, but I shouldn't have told my mom. She likes to tell me that if I want to keep a man, I need to lose some weight and she is a little bit too "encouraging" if you know what I mean. She is constantly saying, "oh, you'll feel so much better" or "then people will know how gorgeous you are/were" ARGH!!

Anywho, I'm not telling anyone else. People will obviously notice when I start dropping tonnage, but there's no need for me to broadcast it.

01-04-2006, 05:07 PM
I started out that way - just started to do my thing and not mention it to anyone. Only hubby and my sister knew (and everyone on this board ;)).

When people start to notice, the questions start to come and it begins to get harder. I find many people (not all) are extremely nosey/curious about how I'm losing weight. I just say "eating less and moving more" which is basically what I'm going. I found that as soon as I start going in to any more detail I begin to get critized. It's a hard path to follow.

I certainly understand why people don't want to go tell it on the mountains.


01-04-2006, 05:09 PM
I kept mine a secret for a long time. I didn't admit to going to the gym every morning before work and I didn't make a big fuss about what I was eating (you know how some people insist on telling EVERYONE about what they can and can't eat - that wasn't me at all). I'd plan my treats for times when I'd be eating with other people so that they wouldn't notice - on the assumption that all the meals I eat alone would balance it out if they were good. Essentially I thought it was none of their business, and I don't like being talked about or gossiped about (which would inevitably happen if I made a big thing of being on a diet at work - and it did start when people noticed)

I didn't want to set myself up for failure or put myself in a position where I constantly got questioned or lectured on it. After a while people started to notice, obviously, and I realised why I was glad I'd not made a big thing about it!

I still hate admitting how much I've lost because it indirectly tells them how much I used to weigh (which isn't something I'd plan on revealing voluntarily, but they can do the maths of roughly how much I weigh now and add 88lb to that number. I hate it when people come to me and tell me that they've been discussing what size clothes they think I wear and want me to settle the argument. I also hate people quizzing me about what they should do when I really don't know what would fit in with their life, what they like to eat, what their triggers are etc. People treat me like I have all the answers when I really don't, only the answers for me.

On the other hand, sometimes I wish I had been a bit more forceful about the changes I've made. Now even though I do make better choices in company than I used to, I still don't make as good choices as the choices I make when I'm alone. This leads some people to assume that my loss is entirely down to exercise and that I can therefore still eat (and want to eat) the lorry loads of chocolate they bought me for Christmas. Maybe I should have been clearer that I don't want quite that much of the stuff any more!

01-04-2006, 05:18 PM
"I hate it when people come to me and tell me that they've been discussing what size clothes they think I wear and want me to settle the argument"

That is crazy! This is why I won't "spread the word". And compared to almost all women at work, I am one of the most private. They spill everything. Even things I don't want to know.

Guess am not alone.

01-04-2006, 05:19 PM
I didn't tell anyone but my husband. After a while of course it became obvious to everyone and the questions started. It was flattering and uncomfortable at the same time. I hated it when people really interrogated me. I realized after a while though, that 99% percent of the people that pestered me for specifics, "What are you doing!?" were hoping that I'd name some miracle drug or packaged diet. They generally lost interest in me after I said I was eating less and exercising more ;)

01-04-2006, 05:24 PM
"I hate it when people come to me and tell me that they've been discussing what size clothes they think I wear and want me to settle the argument"

That is crazy! This is why I won't "spread the word". And compared to almost all women at work, I am one of the most private. They spill everything. Even things I don't want to know.

Guess am not alone.

Are you serious??? How nosy are they? I would have to answer something like "Wow not much going on in your life eh???"

To add my 2 cents......

I think some people are malicious in thier intent but other are looking for the MIRACLE CURE for weight loss and need to know there is something out there that will take it off fast. I get that way. I see a friend's success and I am all over it. I want to know what I can do to be like them and drop the weight. My heart hopes for the magic cure when my brain knows it will take a lot longer than that. I guess the search for the miracle cure is what keeps all the diet companies in business. It's funny this thread came up. I was just getting off the scale (to feed my morning scale weigh in addiction unfortunately) and the scale has not moved. I tried to think through what put on these twenty pounds I gained since June.....why would I think it would of come off in two days??? I guess I am still on the quest for a MIRACLE cure.

As far as keeping it a secret? I just don't say anything unless asked. I see others being made to feel guilty when they lose weight and want that brownie or whatever. People say "Wow you are eating that and you lost weight????" or some other knucklehead respone. Drives me nuts. So I just keep a low profile and wait to see if I can lose enough for anyone to notice.

01-04-2006, 06:09 PM
Thank God there are others that feel the same way. I was listening to some "diet expert" the other day that said one of the best ways to stay on plan is to tell others and get their support. IMHO that is total crap. What you will get is a bunch of criticism and people who can't mind their own business. I do not want people's input because I have found most of them to be grossly ill informed and weight bigots which is something they will never admit. When they see a "fatty" on a diet they think it is their mission to "help" them by monitoring their food intake and exercise schedule offering their "informed suggestion" The only people I will listen to about weight are people who have had serious weight problems and gotten it under control. They are the ones who understand the struggle and pain not people who have battled that extra 5-10 lbs.

I lost a lot of weight a few years back and people kept asking me how much I had lost and (this one gags me) "What is your secret?" I noticed that many treated me in such a manner that said that having mortified my flesh enough to suit their expectation I had somehow redeemed myself and therefor was worthy to join the human race. When asked how much I had lost I said "I don't know I don't weight myself" For the most part that is true. I refuse to be held hostage to a scale. I weigh about every 6 months to a year. I keep track of my progress by how my clothes fit and how I feel. These people can not imagine not weighing themselves daily. I feel very strongly that the number on the scale is something I cannot relate to in an objective manner. I get very caught up in getting the number lower and it becomes a total obsession. I think women in particular let their scale dictate what their level of self esteem will be on any given day. It's a neurotic behavior but it is a socially acceptable neurosis and one we are trained in from an early age. If constantly monitoring my weight on the scale would keep me thin it would have done it by now. It has not therefor it is time to rethink that basic hypothesis.

Yesterday at work my co-worker were all talking about joining Weight Watcher. They are maybe 10-20 lbs over weight. I was told that I should join. I just smiled sweetly and went on about my business. I refuse to get sucked back into the diet mentality again. I know where my weakness is and what must be done to change it. I don't need to weigh in weekly to take responsibility for myself. I am sure that works for many people put for me it just totally aggravated my tendency toward compulsive eating.

01-04-2006, 06:10 PM
I completely agree...I hate telling people I am on a diet. I have only told a couple of people at work, mainly because one of the girls that I work with is dieting with me, kind of...

Pretty much all of the girls that I do work with (I work in a small office of about 8 people.) are trying to lose weight and they are really encouraging and aren't food ****'s that follow me around and ask me if I should be eating that. Or... my pet peeve is people that try to break you- when they know that you are on a diet and they flaunt brownies or ice cream in front of you, trying to get you to crack.

I never tell my family, I don't know why, I am sure they would be encouraging but it is just an uncomfortable topic for me. I hate the questions of what I am doing, how much I used to weigh, how much I weigh now... etc.

I also have to be completely obsessed with it all the time otherwise I let myself have too much freedom and cheat constantly. I have to set little goals along the way to keep me motivated.

I suppose I have been fairly lucky. I have always been chunkier throughout my life and I have never had anyone make fun of me or say snooty remarks about my weight (except for my ex-boyfriend, hence the EX part now...) to my face anyway... It just doesn't feel natural to me to be as big as I am- eventhough I have never known anything else.

But you are not alone, that's why I love this board so much. :)

01-04-2006, 06:58 PM
I'm a freak!!!! (I knew that already) When I started I told everyone, my team leader at work, all my friends, even the lady in the pub (who used to get me a diet coke as soon as she saw me darken the door, and then started by the lemon diet coke just for me!!!) I felt I needed to hold myself accountable by being really open about it. I told everyone how much I weighed, what dress size I was, everything.

And as a result, I only get compliments, no questions. I've found other people's attitudes really good, and haven't encountered any *****iness or untoward questions.

So whatever works for you, maybe I just have nice friends and colleagues!!!

01-04-2006, 07:08 PM
I'm with Kylie, I announced it to just about everyone that I'm working on getting healthy and that includes eating better and exercising. I too don't need the food police. I do have my hubby to question me at least if I'm going to eat something that is unhealthy. It may be something I've planned into the day and wouldn't put me over calories. I do like the accountability that people may be watching me. It helps me to keep in line.

01-04-2006, 08:23 PM
I work with a bunch of guys, so they're oblivious to most things. I'm sure they'll notice eventually but I doubt they'll think to say much. Actually, we have talked about it a little. Almost everyone where I work could be considered overweight, and more than half of us obese, so it does come up now and then. Most people are doing something to get healthier and/or lose weight, anything from exercise and working out, to following a specific diet plan.

The thing is, right now I'm still pretty heavy, and I've cut down to about 1500-1800 calories. And, since I (unintentionally) follow the 90/10 plan to an extent, I still eat 'fun foods'. Like, the past two days I've had a chocolate bar in the mid-afternoon. I'm craving chocolate, and if I didn't have one, I know I'd attack the Hershey Kisses and devour much more than a candy bar's worth. I just eat healthy (well, try to, some) the rest of the time, and budget in the calories. And it works for me. But man, people see you losing weight and you eat a candy bar, they freak out.

01-04-2006, 08:44 PM
I took the opposite approach as well. I told everyone and their dog. I wanted the extra accountability. However, that being said, I think each person has to find what works best for him or her. If keeping it a super secret helps - then I say 007 is the word. :cool:

01-04-2006, 08:55 PM
Mine is kind of a mixture but it was never like a big announcement to people. My family noticed that I stopped getting chips and started eating veg and fruit and things and my sister has become my diet buddy (we keep buying each other chocolate as a joke...lol...my step-dad has had a lot of choccy since we started!) Other people I didn't really want to know, like my biological dad because I knew he would make really dodgy comments like 'about time too...' or he would try to give me really stupid tips on how to cut back on food, one of his favourites is 'use olive oil...its not really fat...'. I guess I'm hoping that I want people to just notice that I'm getting thinner rather than telling them I'm dieting and make them feel like they have to lie to me...


01-04-2006, 09:52 PM
I've experienced both.
During past "attempts" I kept it a secret..but I think the problem was that I fully intended, or knew deep down that I'd fail.

This time around beginning last April 19th...the first couple of weeks were secret..but then I spilled the beans to everyone in my close circle. I wanted the accountability, and I wanted them to be proud of me (I attribute this to my first real "click")

Today, after a long streak of doing really well..and then a 2-3 month period of doing not so well..I'm a bit torn on how much I should have shared.
My Mom definitely does make comments that sting a bit sometimes..but I really believe that those comments aren't meant to hurt me..and wouldn't if I had a "normal" concept of myself. Generally, my family and friends are incredibly supportive, and I am thankful for them every day
I am constantly getting the "So, how's it going?" and the "How much have you lost now?"
To tell the truth, those kinds of comment only bother me when I know I'm not doing very well..when I'm feeling ashamed, and not proud of myself.

I have no idea which is the better road (even for me..:lol:)...certainly, it's a very personal choice!


01-04-2006, 10:25 PM
You know, I attend weekly meetings about weight loss at Methodist Hospital in Houston. One of the things I had to learn to let go of was thinking I had to be perfect. Progress, never perfection. If I have eaten off plan, I go in and say - "Wow, I had a crappy week - I way ate off plan." I then get suggestions or just talk about how to avoid making those poor choices in the future.

The worst thing is when you see people come in week after week and swear up and down, I ate exactly right and I gained weight. Now, that might happen to you once in a while and could be water weight - true enough. But, week in and week out? If you can't be honest with yourself and admit when you make poor choices - how can you ever hope to correct those behaviors?

It is a process - learning to replace old behaviors with new ones. It is not fast, it is not sexy - it just takes keeping after it - making progress. LOL man, if I had a dollar for every time I made a poor choice in the last 20 months, I would have some real money. :) Stress is the one thing I have to continue to work on. Dealing with stress in a health non-food way is the major behavioral chance I need to make a complete part of who I am. I am not there yet, but I get a little closer everyday.

I wish you all the very best in your individual journeys to fitness!

01-04-2006, 11:04 PM
When I got started I didn't tell anyone but it wasn't because I felt the need to keep it a secret. I approached it as, "this is how I'll live from now on" so weight loss was, to a degree, secondary to lifestyle. Of course, my intent was to lose weight but my goal was to get everything else (exercise, health, etc.) in order knowing that weight loss would be a by product of that. So, secret? No. But it wasn't necessarily up for discussion either.

Of course, as my weight loss became obvious people started to take notice. I had lost a significant amount of weight before I actually began updating my wardrobe. So, it did seem to the outside world as if I had lost a dramatic amount of weight in a very short period of time. Obviously, that wasn't the case but they couldn't see it until I was wearing clothes that fit properly. I was always amused by people who asked how I had lost the weight. I would tell them that I ate less and moved more. Their response was always the same, "No, really, what did you do?" As soon as I convinced them that was all there was to it they lost interest. Every single time. I guess it isn't glamorous enough. LOL.

I don't usually worry too much about what people think. I was somewhat uncomfortable over the holidays because I felt like everyone was watching what I ate. Not to police me, but to see for themselves what was working for me. The problem was that how I ate over the holidays wasn't typical. It wasn't out of control or anything but certainly more indulgent than usual. I don't know, it just seemed weird. But, I've never had any of the more personal questions or comments that some of you have - at least none that bothered me.

01-04-2006, 11:07 PM
I didn't really tell anyone at first, except my husband and one colleague. Then people at the office knew I was eating better (they saw my lunches everyday), but I didn't make a big deal of it. Then they heard I joined a gym. Few people have said anything to me yet, but I can see them looking at me, trying to tell if I've lost, or how much? I have started to be more open about it, but in a casual way.

I'm ambivalent about people finding out. On the one hand, I have told a few even how much I've lost and like Helen, can see them start to do the math. I don't like the idea of being judged. On the other hand, I've been working hard at this for months and it's nice to have that acknowldged!

01-05-2006, 01:19 AM
In the past I have announced it to the world. But, I have grown sick of falling off the wagon and having everyone know about it. This time obviously DH knows, my parents knows and a few select others. I don't get into details...just changing my lifestyle.

01-05-2006, 01:33 AM
I dont care who knows. I just started a new job & everyone knows that for the most part I eat healthy, with a few slips here & there.

My family knows b/c of my kidney thing, as do my friends.

Anyone at this new job who makes a comment to me is going to be sorry. :)

01-05-2006, 05:12 AM
I also want to add I do tell my boyfriend. He is awesome. He loves me so much and tells me he wants me to live a long life. He says he worries about my health. He even goes to the doctor's with me when I get my current tests done even though hospitals scare him. He is Korean so he has a different view of skinny and fat. They think a size 10 or 12 is obese. My boyfriend is unique for his culture and very western in his thinking. He says he wants me to be healthy because "he loves me for me".

01-05-2006, 08:08 AM
I don't feel there is a wrong or right way to go about it. It depends a lot on the environment you are in. If the people who are round you are already judgmental about your weight it is a strong possibility they will be more than happy to tell you exactly what to do and how to do it. They also will be more than willing to point out any slips you may have. I have also discovered that many of them seem to take perverse delight in trying to get you to fail by nonverbal sabotage. On the other hand if you have people who are really supportive of your efforts they will be on your side in a real way and less critical of small mistakes.

I feel the need to keep my efforts secret not because I plan to fail but because I need to room to find what works for me in my own time and in my own way. I think all of us have heard a few million pieces of advice on weight loss and most of it contradictory. Finding what works for you is a personal journey and to undertake it successfully you need people who are your team or you need to go it alone. Ultimately it comes down to being responsible for your own eating and no one can do that for you. No amount of support or lack of support from others will determine what goes in your mouth only you can do that.

Let me give an example. Fifteen years ago I had a VERY bad problem with alcohol. I did the AA route very diligently for about a year but could not seem to get or stay sober. I did everything to the best of my ability. I shared everything with my group and spoke to my sponsor daily. What I didn't do was listen to myself. One day I had an epiphany. I realized that it is my responsibility to stay sober and that no amount of talking will take the place of me monitoring my own behavior. I came to see that I did not need others to explain to me were I was wrong. What I needed was to see what needed to be done and do it.

When I came to this realization I got rid of my sponsor. I saw that the constant review of my past mistakes and the dark predictions for my future were not helping. I came up with as simple way to sponsor myself. It is called "Read the damn book and follow the directions exactly". The more I did this the more I came to see that the group was also a stumbling block. I found that I did not need to dwell on my past and also I needed to be a lot less self involved and stop talking about how I feel all the time and just get on with living my life. There is a certain amount of feeling your feeling that is good but it can run in a form of narcissism that is very unhealthy. My biggest step was when I realized I no longer need to thinking of myself solely as an alcoholic and I needed to stop referring to myself that way. That was a big step because I saw there is much more to me than just my drinking problem and I needed to look at all the parts. This epiphany did not go over well with the group since it questioned some of the basic tenants of the program. I stopped doing meetings and since that time for the past 15 years have been sober.

The biggest leap in understand was learning to be responsible and to stop looking to others to do for me what I was not willing to do for myself. Some support is good. That is why I come here. The support you get needs to be the kind that brings you to your own wholeness not support to live up to other people's expectations. I can see my environment is hostile to fat people and I can use people on my side. I also need to see my environment around me for what it is and have stop expecting leopards to change their spots.

01-05-2006, 09:41 AM
The first couple of times I tried, I told everyone that I was starting on this day.. and doing this and that. I always failed at keeping to it. This last time I started differently. I didn't tell anyone. I just got it in my head, I'm starting on this Monday and that's it!

I didn't even tell my husband to start with for a couple days after. Now my whole family knows but no one else. I don't need for advice from people who have "known people that have done this or that and have lost weight". Or that I'm not eating this and I should be doing that! AHHH!

01-05-2006, 10:08 AM
A great thread, a lot of insight provided that is for sure. f(x), I could have written that post myself. For me, it has always been my "dirty" little secret, though in retrospect, it is probably pretty detrimental to me to think about it in that way, like I was ashamed of how I was (am). I guess because I was so disappointed in letting myself become the way I became, that I did not want anyone else to know that I was losing the weight, so that one day, ta dah! I am a thin person. That being said, how could people not realize? I mean once you lose 90 lbs, I think people will notice (and they did). I have always been uncomfortable with the unvariable questions that are asked when people begin to notice. "Have you lost weight?" Why do I always have such hard time admitting to it? I will grudgingly admit to losing weight. Then comes the dreaded question, "How much have you lost?". I know most of the time people are trying to be supportive, but I really have problems answering the question. I guess the whole embarrassment of having to admit how much I have gained (as Helen said, people can do the math). I envy people who can shout it to the rooftops. Losing weight is a big accomplishment, I have to work on being proud on how far I have come. I will get to that point.

I know I kind of went off topic a wee bit. I keep my weight loss journey prety quiet, except on this wonderful forum, because that is who I am. I feel that it is my own private battle. Sort of along the lines of thinking, I got myself into this, now I have to get myself out of this.

01-05-2006, 10:28 AM
I wish no one knew, but I told my husband and best friend, and of course they mention it to people. Like my best friend talked to her boyfriend about joining a gym with me and such, so I am sure eventually everyone will know.

I don't like it because I feel like everyone is watching me, and whenever they see me they are checking to see if I have lost weight.

01-05-2006, 11:44 AM
I'm like JennasMom, I don't want people to be monitoring my behaviour. I don't feel that I am responsible to anyone but myself. I know that when my mom talks to me about losing weight it makes me want to go out and eat 10 Big Macs! Her idea of losing weight is either not eating at all or eating foods like chicken nuggets and green beans everyday. Don't get me started on how many times she's told me not to eat bread. You'd think I ate a loaf of bread everyday! Dh doesn't really care that much as long as I am not depriving him of the foods he wants to eat. I want to be able to share successes with people but I don't want my nose rubbed in my failures. Not that I have the sort of family that would do that but I just hate the feeling of being judged all the time. I find it best to keep my weight loss efforts to myself and here of course!

01-05-2006, 12:23 PM
I didn't announce my resolve to lose weight to anyone other than my hubby, but neither did I intentionally keep it secret. Like lucky, I didn't replace my clothes with better-fitting ones timeously, and it took a fair while before anyone noticed that I'd dropped some weight. Now I regularly get comments and questions, I just answer them simply. I don't go on about it, but if someone asks, I have no problem telling them what I've lost, and how I've done it.

There's always the inevitable questions of how much I weigh now and what I weighed before, and I answer truthfully. I mean, people can/could see how fat I am/was, so I don't get precious about it. :shrug: Other people's opinions of me concern me far less than my own--not necessarily a positive thing given my skewed self-perception.

When the food police question whether I should be eating a particular food, I just say, "yes", and leave it at that. It's only happened a couple of times.

I have had one ludicrous comment that I shouldn't lose any more weight lest I look too skinny! :rofl: I still have 21 pounds to drop before I even move out of the "obese" category, let alone get to a healthy size. Some people! :rolleyes:

01-05-2006, 01:00 PM
I have had one ludicrous comment that I shouldn't lose any more weight lest I look too skinny! I still have 21 pounds to drop before I even move out of the "obese" category, let alone get to a healthy size.

First off congradulations on your weight loss. That is something you have worked hard for and can be very proud of. :carrot: That comment goes to show that it is truly impossible to please everyone. I notice something like that last night on the tube were they were talking about some Hollywood starlet who is currently anorexic but had been fat before. (Well, fat by Hollywood standards.) The situation is absurd. It seems that anorexia is held up as a beauty standard and then people who attain it are open to criticism of that too. Over all it seems that being anorexic is still more socially acceptable than being fat. I think there are very few people who have an objective attitude about weight and it takes some strong inner motivation to remain true to yourself in all the conflicting messages and role models. It is hard to understand how we have become so messed up on this issue. :dizzy:

01-05-2006, 03:00 PM
I haven't said anything, but my husband kinda knows because I told him to buy a new scale (complete with the fat percentage thingy). As we are new in this area, I left all my food police at home (best friend whose weigh all of a bit of nothing her whole life and goes on "cutbacks"). I'm just glad I found this site.

01-05-2006, 08:47 PM
I wanted to respond to everyone, because so many things said were right on the $. But everyone said so much, am fried! Hahaha. Good topic. I guess we all have to find what works for us and what doesn't. It's not a huge secret that I keep locked away from everyone close to me. I am just not comfortable speaking to ppl about me weight, ppl am not close with or who would understand.

And the other thing, I keep thinking of "future engagements", where I can be like "tah-dah LOOK AT ME"!!!, like am working on a big hush hush surprise or something. How my mind works sometimes. Heehee.

I too was told after once losing 60 lbs, I was about 190 "I don't think you should lose more weight, your gonna be too skinny". Are you kidding me? Go talk to America and my Dr. and tell them the same thing. I did feel REALLY good then, so 170 will work good for me. I am 5'7. But am gonna work this body into a hard & curvy 170 lb 30 yr old woman!!!