Weight Loss Support - At the side of the road, bewildered....




alteaon
12-21-2005, 09:06 AM
Hello... I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but this is the only place I can think of to take it....yesterday at work we did our gift exchange...set against a back drop of food....yes, I ate more than I should have. I woke up yesterday morning ravenous from the start, and oatmeal and fruits did nothing to help me. The woman who got my name, her name is Paula. Paula lost a lot of weight recently, and never, ever, lets me forget it. She knows that I am trying, but she gets me home made bread, fudge, chocololate... in the break room I was talking to her as I had lunch ( an unsatisfying salad), when everyone else leaves, she looks at me ( I am sitting w/ my legs crossed), and says " I weigh 135. I haven't weighed that since high school." She is 55. This is not the only time she's mentioned this to me. She makes comments about what I eat or don't eat, what I do or don't do. It really makes me feel like giving up. Why do people do this?

She lost her weight on WW, which works well for her. I can't do it anymore because I am just so burndt out on it. I have lost about ten lbs in the last month, just by watching what I eat. had gone 21 days with out soda or chocolate until yesterday. HOwever, I eat more at work during our holiday thing than I do at family's houses, because I am not at someone's house for 8 hours. Other people gave me chocolate, which I will give to my family or someone else. Aside from Paula, the other woman gives homemade chocolate and candy trays to everyoen every years. THere's not sabotage intended...Paula also got me an issue of O magazine, yarn, knitting needles and a knitting basket..when I got all her presents, I thought, "wow. Maybe I am making too much about this, and I should just calm down,", and then the whole thing happenned in the break room. I normally wouldn't care, but this is going on all the freakin' time, adn I"m having a hard time keeping myself positive.

I have never weighed 135. Not even in high school . Paula is about five five or five six. . I am five seven. I guess I feel so...I don't know..like am I ever going to make it? I would love to weigh 140 something. I'd probably pass out, or the scale would be wrong.

Currently my scale says I weigh 155-157, which would make sense, but deep down, I still think it's wrong. It's touchy about how you stand on it and such, so I have to try it numerous times a morning to make sure there is some consistency to what it says. I am wondering if it is even possible for me to weigh something remotely close to what I'm supposed to, what my liscence says, to be able to stand up and have the light of day shine between my thighs....

The other day my husband and I were watching the RMA's, and the pussycat dolls were on. DH knows a lot about them...adn I doubt it's because of thier music :o ...they have that song, "Don't cha", I sometimes wonder if he hears it as ," Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me, don't cha wish your girlfriend had an *** like me,....don't cha wish your girlfriend was toned like me, don't cha wish your girlfriend was lithe like me..",

THere are so many girls/women around here who are nothing but skin and bones, no curves to speak of, just angular shoulders and elbows...but I"d rather be that way than I am right now. I'm also a pear shape, so there's no hidin' this *** o mine.

Between all the temptation, and my own internal dialogue..I know that I should see the stories of other people losing as inspirational, but lately, it just seems like it is something everyone else gets except for me.
To give all an idea of what I look like: I am five seven, I wear a 32-32 men's pants usually because I detest tight jeans. If I wear something that is more fitted, I wear a 30-32. With the measuring tape, my measurements are: 37.5-29.5-37.5. I used to think this wasn't too bad, but then I read a post with someone complaining about how big thier butt was, with a measurement of 36...

Counting calories, points, or whatever doesn't work for me. It causes me to get really, really obsessed with what I eat, when I'm going to eat, ect..my life then revolves around food.. What was working for me is trying to eat when I am hungry and not eat when I am not. I know that I should see yesterday as just a set back, a bump in the road, but compounded with how down I am, how self critical I am, and the fact that Paula never fails to mention something to me about how much I weigh vrs her or whatever..it just really gets to me. I'm kind of on autopilot today. Thankfully, the idea of food repulses me right now.

Out--


srmb60
12-21-2005, 09:26 AM
There are a hundred things I should be doing instead of posting but I wanted to say something to you sweetie. First of all, you are not a pear, you're a perfect hour glass. Vavoom!
Secondly, you have a husband so somebody loves you.
And this Paula. Apparently she is proud of her accomplishment. She's done good. She just isn't nice and unfortunately there is a few of those folks around.
Sure you can lose 10 more pounds. Do you have to? Do you want to? You probably look just fine. How do you feel healthy-wise?
We all have downers and we all have doubts. This Paula and the TV show just happened along at a touchy time for you.
Chin up! And come back here. We'll support you and work with you through any of this carp. OK?

mehitabelx
12-21-2005, 09:31 AM
alteaon,

i'm sorry you're feeling so discouraged. it's a rough time of year.

but really, you've accomplished so much! you've done wonderfully. you've just gotta learn not to compare yourself to others. it'll drive you crazy. your measurements and weight sound fine to me. you're taller than alot of people and where a 36" butt would be big on a small girl, it can be perfect for someone who's built on a bigger scale. personally, i'd love to have your measurements. but i'm an even bigger girl. in the end, you can't worry about anyone else. if you feel good, that's all that matters.

as for this Paula, i can't speak to her motivation. but is it possible that she isn't meaning to dig at you? people don't always understand what effect their words have. i would suggest telling her (calmly and without making it sound like you're accusing her of anything) how you feel when she says stuff to you. if her intentions are good, then she'll adapt her behavior. if she doesn't, you'll know to put her on your mental ignore list. it is possible that she doesn't want anyone else to lose weight, but that's her own issue. and you don't have to let it change your behavior or feelings.


feel better. you're doing great. :)


kristin


yogachick30
12-21-2005, 09:48 AM
Try to change your perception of Paula. It sounds to me as if she is very insecure and she is projecting it onto you. Do not allow her to plant seeds of doubt in your heart. You are perfect just the way you are in this moment. It is her that needs to change not you. If you can, have compassion for Paula b/c she is not happy with herself. If she was then she would spead positivity not negativity. It is her ego that is telling you about her "135lb weight loss" and has an underhanded motive about giving you sweets. Don't play into it. Rise above and shine my dear!

Betty925
12-21-2005, 10:16 AM
Hi. I agree with everyone else. Don't compare yourself to anyone. You are special and unique. Just take it one day at a time and one pound at a time and before you know it you will look up and have lost lots of weight. You should do this for yourself regardless of what others say or do. I have a husband who is, unconsiously I think, sabotoging my healthy eating plan. He is obese but refuses to do anything about it and loves to eat out and fuses if I don't eat. But anyway, hang it there. Do this for you and don't let what others say to you discourage you in any way.

Betty

LLV
12-21-2005, 10:26 AM
Try to change your perception of Paula. It sounds to me as if she is very insecure and she is projecting it onto you. Do not allow her to plant seeds of doubt in your heart. You are perfect just the way you are in this moment. It is her that needs to change not you. If you can, have compassion for Paula b/c she is not happy with herself. If she was then she would spead positivity not negativity. It is her ego that is telling you about her "135lb weight loss" and has an underhanded motive about giving you sweets. Don't play into it. Rise above and shine my dear!
Wow, excellent post. And I'm going to second it!

Jen415
12-21-2005, 11:16 AM
The only thing I can add to all this great advice is--

LOVE YOURSELF. It makes all the rest of that crap just roll right off you...

suechef
12-21-2005, 12:21 PM
It's ironic how relative body image is. I look at your measurements, alteaon, and think they sound fantastic! You are a healthy weight for your height, which is the same as mine. I'm about ten pounds heavier than you right now, but I'm feeling pretty good about it since I'm still going down, I'm eating right, exercising lots, and know that I'm working hard toward my goal.

One sort of rule that I have is not to compare myself to anyone except myself. This journey is about me, not about anyone else. I can't help it if other people are younger, prettier, fitter, whatever. But I can do the best I can with what I've got, and as long as I'm doing that I'm able to feel good about me. I do look at others who are fitter & look for inspiration there, because I know they work hard at it, especially when they're a little older (I'm 42).

(Digression)... I was chatting at the gym with an overweight friend who is working pretty half-heartedly at getting in shape (she is 16 and I'd guess carrying an extra 30 pounds). Madonna's new song came on and I made a crack about how I hope I am that fit when I get to be her age (which I darn well will be!!!); my friend started talking about how it's easy for her because she's so rich & has trainers, etc. I disagreed: she may have help, but she's the one doing the sweating, she's the one choosing to eat healthy foods. And as my husband pointed out, she could fire her trainer whenever she wanted! It's about will. Not willpower, exactly, but the will/desire to do what it takes. I also pointed out to my friend the heroine of Million Dollar Baby, which we had just watched. That person had nothing in the world; she was a waitress who chose to spend every spare moment in the boxing gym. She had the will & desire to be the best she could be, just like Madonna. Everyone's definition is different, but it helps to have one that's yours alone.

End of digression. Anyway, lighten up on yourself, clearly you look just fine, now allow yourself to see it! :)

cheerio,
Sue

icedragon6669
12-21-2005, 08:31 PM
You think you are pear shaped!
I was curious i don't measure myself!
i think i am getting to the point i am happy, and don't want to lose much more
my measurements are this:
37.5
31.6
42.4!
and i don't think my butt is big (but there was a time where it was huge!!!!!)
I am 5 11 though.

It is hard when someone seems to be constantly rubbing your nose into it that they have suceeded really well! they do that usually because they need the boast, and it usually means they are not that confident and are always fishing for responses to boast their ego.

I find i get comments from people like today someone i hadn't seen for a while pulled me up and said "how much have you lost, wow you look good! how did you do it? what do you do?" and i humbly just mumble that from my biggest i lost about 100 pounds, then i say i walk, and bought a treadmill" all the while trying to get away from the conversation. She even asked my 9 yo. DD what she thought of mum losing all that weight? and was she proud of her mum? and honestly i don't think my DD even realised i was so fat, or really took notice that i have been losing, i am just mum! and we don't make a big deal of about weight in front of my daughters, i try to teach them about being healthy!

Some people constantly need to be noticed, some people hate being noticed, i just wanted to be happy within myself! Paula sounds like someone that needs to be noticed for the work she has done.

I would use the saying "water off a ducks back" just take it with a pinch of salt, and don't really take it to heart.
You sound like you have done really well, and you must look good having lost all the weight you already have, just think about how you see and feel about yourself, beauty comes from within! and don't worry what the old goat says about it! When she brings you sweets, put them aside say thanks, they will nicely for a snack later, then give then to someone else to eat later (DH's are good at eating food that i shouldn't! or in my case i give it to the kids, or wait till they have friends over, and give it out! ).

JayEll
12-25-2005, 11:23 AM
I'm going to be really radical here and say that you can actually throw away foods that you shouldn't eat and that you can't give away! I know, it's a "sin" and all that, but part of my problem with weight loss is the idea that it's wrong to "waste" food.

On the other stuff--alteaon, I know you were "venting" and I hope it helped. But I was struck by how many things you said _don't_ work for you. Try to focus on what _does_ work for you and on what you need to change if it doesn't.

Your co-worker Paula probably sees you eat some things at some times, and other things at other times, and so she's confused. She is trying to be helpful and failing. She may not remember that she already told you about her weight. Next time she mentions it, say, "Yes, you've told me that several times." Try to say it with a smile--why begrudge her that little victory?

Good for you for wanting to get those pounds down now, when you have less to lose than a lot of people. It shouldn't take you terribly long--maybe 4 months--to get rid of it. It's all about persistence and not giving up on whatever plan you've chosen.

Jay

dietcokeaddict
12-25-2005, 01:40 PM
Okay, well oddly enough, I am in high school, and I know a girl who acts exactly like your paula!

She has lost some weight (and is probably one of the skinniest girls I know) and makes sure everyone knows about it. She alway gives people sweets and then gloats about how well she is doing on her diet... of course she can be a lot tackier and more obnoxious about it because she is in high school, but honestly... people like that probably don't get enough attention (or so they think) or just crave tons of attention for their accomplishments. I'm not saying anyone's weight loss should go unnoticed, never! but people who flaunt it and try to make others feel bad about it are probably thinking "gosh, I lost this weight but it didn't make my life perfect. People aren't giving me constant complements anymore!? I'd better make them notice me!!!"

You are doing fabulous. Holiday stress is just wonderful, isn't it?

;)

CBETA
12-25-2005, 03:13 PM
I'm going to be really radical here and say that you can actually throw away foods that you shouldn't eat and that you can't give away! I know, it's a "sin" and all that, but part of my problem with weight loss is the idea that it's wrong to "waste" food.

hmm this might sound ridiculous, but you might be on to something....
Could Paula be doing the same thing. Someone gave it to her and she wants to give it to you. Why would she do it? Because she again does not want it to go to waste. If she gives it to you, you will most likely eat it and yes enjoy the taste of it. But you are not all happy about this solution, so pass the buck to someone esle. Give it away to your family, or just to a neighboor. Paula is 55, and of course might have grandchildren...but even then she might want to give it to them, so that they never have to experience the hardship of weight loss. Day by day I see parents who steer away their kids from McDonalds, from chocolate, from white bread, to firmly plant the taste of vegies, rather than hight sugar packed carbs. On the other hand it could be Paula's relatives who think she is too thin now, who tried to congrat her with chocolates....Whatever that might be just be generous and give it to someone who really needs...may be even a homeless, or second harvest bank....

p.s. This made think of anothere interesting thing.
An office setting. One needs to get a present for 20 some people. There is nothing easier than go get some chocolate. Inexpensive, takes little time and thought, brings joy and looks good wrapped. In the past I normally found some high end type chocolate bars, and gave everyone one. It was simple and all. But now since realizing that I might set someone for failuture, I will have to think harder and perhaps give them something else instead....

alteaon
12-29-2005, 12:16 PM
Hello,

I wanted to thank everyone for thier words and advice. Lately, there are some days I do well, some days I don't... I just wanted to point out that I didn't mean to be so negative in my post. The reason I mentioned what doesn't work for me is so that, if anyone were to give me advice, they knew what I had tried.

Like most people, it takes a while to find what really does not and what really does work for you. I find that counting things doesn't work well for me because I get so obsessed with it that I don't enjoy food or anything else for that matter. That's not healthy for me, and I find it's not something I can live with for the long term.

The holidays have been stressful, although enjoyable. Money is annoying as usual..I have my good days and my bad days, and instead of berating myself for not losing weight, and in some cases gaining weight, I am getting better at chalking it off to bad decisions and using as a learning thing...If I was defined only by the size of my thighs, it'd be sad, no matter how toned and thin they would be.

jennywrenn
12-30-2005, 10:30 PM
dear alteaon.

where are you getting your goal weight from? I hope it's safe and healthy for you at 5'7''. I am 5'6'' and shooting for 155. I have a friend who is about my height and structure and weighs 150's and she looks fine in her many sorts of tiny little dresses. She's the kind of friend who it's hard to go out with because of the attention she gets. I Know I couldn't weigh 130-140 without looking sick. Those charts are unrealistic. DO WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU!

TBJ333
12-31-2005, 03:35 PM
Hi there!

Alteon, you're doing great. You've lost a lot so far, and your weight is normal for your height. I'm the same weight and height as you... 155 is a tricky place to be at our height, kind of in-between sizes. But it's a healthy weight.

People like Paula act that way because they think their success depends on where they stand in relation to other people. So if other people start doing well, then someone like Paula starts to think that she's not doing so well anymore. If she measures success by how much better she is than you, and then all of a sudden you've improved and she's not so superior anymore, then to her twisted thinking, she's failed. Your success makes her think she's failing, so she sabotages you.

Don't fall into the same trap! I bet a lot of the stick-thin women have to obsess about what they eat... and you are avoiding that. So in a way, you win. :D

Good luck! :)