Hi everyone. Here it is, mid December. Again. I am thinking about New Year's resolutions. Again. Lose weight, work out regularly, eat healthier, and do weight training. Again, again, again, again. And yet another year goes by, and I am the same both emotionally and weight. Again.
Why is it, I do the same things, get the same results, and am never able to make a permanent change? What do I need to do to get off the hamster wheel, and live the life I truly want and deserve?
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? If so, come join me. I am looking for friends, old and new, to work through these issues with. To try and figure out what issues are holding me back from making permanent, life affirming, positive changes. To give a hand up when needed. To keep focused on the bigger picture.
Please, join me. Let this be the year we kill the monkeys!
12-18-2005, 09:08 PM
I'll kill your monkey if you kill my monkey! LOL!
12-19-2005, 07:00 AM
My monkey is Stress Eating.
I am not a stupid woman. I understand the concept of taking in fewer calories than you burn to lose weight. I understand the concept of healthy food choices. I can even follow it for awhile. But, for most of my life, when something stressful happens (good or bad stress), I turn to food. It's like there is something inside me that thinks if I only get the right amount of calories in, it will make it easier to discipline a staff, deal with the family holiday, cope with feeling lonely. And I don't know how to break that.
What's your monkey?
12-19-2005, 07:47 AM
I have your monkey's twin on my back! This year I'm doing this with a different mind set (or I'm TRYING to do this with a different mind set!) as I've been going to WW for about 17 weeks. I do hear the leaders voice in my head whenever I look at things like cheese cubes on a cheese platter (3 points each! Gasp!) I have 2 Monkeys!
The Stress Eating monkey.... I am addicted to sugar. I try to "medicate" my emotional needs by stuffing my face. Cookies, cake, comfort foods.....that's my poison! DUHHH!
I've also got the darn Yo-Yo Monkey to deal with........ I have done this before.... and I couldn't maintain the mind set! ....sigh....This time I didn't get back to my SW...but I was headed there when I decided that I'd had enough! That is why I've decided to do it with WW.....and all the good "brain washing" that goes with!
I had gotten to 10s.....from 22s......and now I'm in 16Ws again....down from 18s.....again...... Yo..............yo..........Gotta.....fix.....the. ....brain..... Need...to...be.....in....control....all....the.... time!
12-19-2005, 03:43 PM
Jolly Girl, though I don't like the thought of harming animals :o - I've had a monkey on my back that keeps growing each year (doesn't pay rent and he's heavy!). I'm also not one to make resolutions yet, so far, I'm been fending off the office goodies that make a daily appearance.
Like you, Hatteras, I can't do sugar without ugly consequences. It all looks enticing and promising going down, but within a few short minutes, I can feel the tired, insatiable hunger for more coursing through my bloodstream. I become so weak and tired as the day continues, until the thought of hitting the gym after work feels like torture.
I don't want to live like this!
Sorry to shout; I just had to vent.
I'm going to begin, today, by making myself accountable and will post in the "Exercise" (whew, almost forgot how that word is spelled) forums again.
Thanks for listening and motivating me to keep going.
12-19-2005, 11:54 PM
Good evening everyone! In honor of the new movie, my monkey is Kong.
I overeat for so many different reasons. I say stress eat, but I really emotion eat. Stress, yes. That is a huge one. But also happy - hey, lets go eat to celebrate. Bored - don't have enough to do? Keep one hand in the food! Sad - my friend just told me about a divorce. The first thing I offer to do is feed her. You name it, I eat. And hunger? I don't know when I last really felt hunger. I usually eat so often for so many other reasons, I don't recognize hunger.
I know part of my problem is self esteem. I am afraid I am not good enough, so I use weight as protection. See, then it stops being about me and my issues, and it becomes about everyone else not liking someone who is overweight.
I try to think how I would treat a child or teenager with these issues. What I would tell her. Use that to deal with the inner demons, vs yelling at myself for "being bad."
What do you do?
12-20-2005, 01:38 AM
Hope you guys don't mind if I join! I have a monkey - FEAR! I am afraid that when anything happens (stress, emotions or big decisions) I will not chose right. I "eat" all of the decisions & consequences before they happen! My monkey keeps me scared & I want him gone!!!!
12-20-2005, 07:08 AM
Good morning. Hey, Carafre, of course you can join. I pretty much talk to anyone who talks to me:)
I think Fear is huge. I know I get afraid of what life would be like, if I didn't have my weight as an excuse. Fear of the unknown leads me to eat. HEck, everything leads me to eat.
12-20-2005, 12:17 PM
Fear of the unknown leads me to eat. HEck, everything leads me to eat.
Oh yeah. I believe my fear is in feeling out of control. Recently, at work, a coworker shrugged off some responsibilities that fell on my desk. This happens again and again and though our supervisor is aware and making efforts to resolve matters, the first thing I think about is grabbing some chocolate (all too plentiful in our office). There wasn't a desire (or true hunger) to consume ANYTHING until I had to deal with more conflict.
I know I can't change this person who is so annoying, wouldn't want to try, yet I realized a direct correlation of these emotions yesterday. Nope, can't change the situation, but I can pop some sweet "medication" to ease my hurt. It's a backwards way of trying to acquire some sort of control. The irony is, I feel more capable when I acknowledge my feelings and do something nice for myself. But I need constant reminders until this becomes a habit over the bingeing.
My mother is an overeater and I'm just also seeing the link to experiencing food cravings almost immediately after telephone conversations with her.
Maybe it would be best for me to ask myself what it is I am truly hungry for?
12-20-2005, 04:28 PM
Oh, Thinna, do I ever hear you. I had to go in and cover some stuff at work today unexpectedly. Immediately, I too started wanting junk food. Like if I can consume just the right amount of calories, the problem will be solved. I wish I could ask myself if I were truly hungry. this behavior is so automatic, most of the time, I have already eaten whatever before I even realize what I am doing.
12-20-2005, 04:46 PM
My monkey, not taking care of me first, everyone else is more important, let me put your needs before mine, and then when Im pissed and hurt that I did this, I eat! Nice huh! Learned it from my grandma, let me scarafice and sacrafice, and then eat the hurt away, that you would ask me to even do that!! Oh its so text book case of crazies!! I will beat this, i work everyday on standing up for myself, and not doing crap for people that a-they can do themselves, but are lazy, and b-going out of my way to help someone that doesnt even appreciate it, Im breaking down all those co-dependent relationhips, and nurturing the ones, that are on a more healthy and equal footing.
12-20-2005, 08:01 PM
Geee happytx....... Sounds like I wrote your post myself! ...sigh... While it is great to hear that I'm not alone in my "text book case of crazies", knowing that someone else is as miserable as I am makes me sad! I do come from a long line of crazies! ...and MAN, am I *looking forward* to spending time over the next few weeks with them...NOT! I will be in total control in front of them...cause that will make them crazy! THEN after spending hours with them, I will return home and eat the house 'cause they caused me to feel so insane and so angry! I've spent less than an hour them so far in Dec....and I usually leave with my jaw clenched so tight! (Do you know what I'm trying to say? I can NOT possibly be related to them! ;) ) Gee, I turned this into a tragic sounding rant! :) Guess I know that my weightloss isn't just a "size of my butt" thing! Like I said...CRAZY! ...sigh...
12-21-2005, 07:48 AM
I don't think wightloss is just a "size of butt thing" (love that :)) for any of us. For me, I KNOW it is about self esteem and self love. It goes back to that question of "Would you talk to a small child, the way you talk to yourself?" My inner voices, inner tapes are just vicious. "You're not good enough." "Nobody likes you." "you will never accomplish anything" - these all get cranked up when I am stressed, and I guess I eat, because then I can blame everything on being fat, not on how "bad" I really am (at least as the tapes told me.)
I don't even know where that stems from, either. My parents were very supportive of me when I was little. Perhaps, too supportive. Maybe this comes from the need to be perfect. Who knows.
Anyone else have these inner dialogues going on, which knock you down when you aren't looking??
12-22-2005, 05:20 PM
OK. Seems like everyone else's monkeys must be taking a vacation to Bermuda or something. Kong is still very much here, however.
So, the question of the day is: How to stop the automatic response for food when stressed? How do you even recognize when you start?
I turn to food so routinely, that I don't even realize what I am doing, until after the damage is done. I don't know how to stop it. I KNOW food won't solve anything. I KNOW eating all these calories is why I am overweight (duh!). I just seem to reach for food the way some people reach for a cigarette.
I am trying to figure out what I need to have in place so that I can finally kill Kong this year. So that December 2006, I am wondering where the year went, and why my extra pounds couldn't go with it.
12-22-2005, 05:33 PM
How about having healthy food choices of food available for those stressful moments? Maybe if you already know what you are going to eat over the course of the day you can better avoid the trigger foods...brainpower is easier for me than willpower....just a thought...my monkey is controlling my calorie intake. So perhaps I should practice what I preach...:o Easier said than done as I am well aware.
12-22-2005, 09:36 PM
Gina, that was going to be my suggestion too!:D
Knowing my history of overeating and not honoring portion controls, I'm unable to have anything at home that isn't healthy. Anything I have in quantity, I don't have a tendency to overeat (frozen vegetables, dried beans, celery, carrots). And, even if I did get a little :flow1:wild:flow1: and dive into the veggies, doubtful little damage would be done.
My downfall when stressed is sweets, quickly followed by salty foods. When I get those cravings lately, I've been mentally reminding myself of the sickly, sleepy feelings I experience after consuming sugar - for now, it's holding my sweet-toothed wolf at bay.
12-22-2005, 09:45 PM
Well, my inner dialogue actually tries to save me but I shut it up sometimes. I get so stressed and find myself roaming the kitchen. Next thing I know I am halfway through a binge. My inner voice tells me to stop that eating won't solve anything, it tells me that I will feel really bad after eating. But I put a metal zip on the voices lip. I only do these things when I am not eating healthy or exercising. I don't have stress eating when I am on routine. It's when I am truly unable to exercise b/c of illness or injury that set me down a spiral. I start to feel the fears. Fear of losing control, fear of losing weight and fear of losing my invisibility. I know it's not right but that's how I feel.
12-22-2005, 11:51 PM
Unfortunately, Carafre, that "good" inner voice seems to be on vacation for me. I only have the ones that say bad things to me (Man, do I sound like a scary Sybil person!). But you know what I mean. Those negative tapes of how I will never be good enough, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Jean and Gina, I do try what you suggest. Typically I make out a menu, shop off it, and buy healthier substitutes for my cravings. But I will find whatever excuse I need to put me where I can get the food when I want it. Sad really. I need to wake that good voice up again.
So now I need a monkey killing alarm clock?????
12-27-2005, 11:43 AM
Good morning all. It has been real quiet here - I know it is hard to stay in touch over the holidays. I actually have been doing ok. I hope you all have too.
So, trying to figure out what tools i need to kill Kong in 2006. Do I need to join a group? Tried that before. Started to be successful, then - not so much. What else can I do, to finally get rid of these hold habits and defense mechanisms which are holding me back? How can I find my inner energy again?
I used to do martial arts. I was strong, and had passion. i need to find that woman again.