Weight Loss Support - Change my man's attitude

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12-08-2005, 11:22 PM
I know i've already posted but maybe somebody out there has suggestions on how i can get my fiance to jump on the band wagon. We are both overweight, but it seems to bother me a lot more than him. I have enrolled us both into a gym, but he wants nothing to do with it. He won't help me diet, by constantly bringing home junk food...and my will power can only go so far. I've tried to explain to him how afraid i am of gaining any more weight. My parents are both obese, my father is almost 400 pounds and his health is horrible. He has diabetes, is on oxygen full time, and has had several heart attacks which has left him with only half of a functioning heart. My mother also has diabetes, thankfully that is the only problem her weight issue has caused her. I'm afraid of losing my father because of his weight and unfortunately i can't help but seeing Christopher going down the same road. How do I get him to see that it can happen to him if he doesn't start doing something about it now? I love him to death and I want him and I to share a long, long life together. Were any of you able to get your significant other to decide on a healthy lifestyle and if you did how did you do it?

12-08-2005, 11:37 PM
I would suggest that you lead by example. Losing weight is something that he has to want to do. And there really is nothing that you can do to force him into making that decision. You do, however, have full control over how YOU eat and live. Just because he brings home junk food doesn't mean you have to eat it. It isn't about will power. It is about making a commitment to living a healthier lifestyle. Perhaps as you begin to reap the benefits of eating well, exercising, and losing weight he'll be able to see what he stands to gain by following in your footsteps. In the meantime, I wouldn't hound him. If you go to the gym invite him to come with you. If he declines, leave it at that. Prepare healthy foods and reasonable portions for yourself and making sure that there is always enough for him should he decide to give it a try. If he doesn't, well, you've got an easy lunch for another day.

12-09-2005, 12:28 AM
Yup like Jaws said you cant make him see anything he doesnt want to see.
And you cant make him do anythign he doesnt want to do. If he brings you home anything throw it away after a while im sure he will get the hint that you wont take it. Just say thanks but no thanks.
This is where your you will need to step up to the challenge of not taking the offerings and not eating what you know is bad for you. This is not just something that will happen in your own home but out and about. So just put yourself on notice that this is your chance to show yourself what you know you can do. Push it away and make the right choices. ;)

12-09-2005, 02:02 AM
I agree with the others... and I HAVE an overweight husband who wanted NOTHING to do with changing his lifestyle. I used him as an excuse for years for why I couldn't lose weight. I made a commitment for me, and told him it was NOT about him. He said, "yep". I managed to convince him to leave his Oreos in his office so I wouldn't see them every time I opened the cupboard. That took a lot of convincing!

We started eating healthier at home, I lost weight. Finally he started letting me make a quick breakfast for him... then snacks... He started making comments about using nutridiary, and I told him he shouldn't do it just because I was... not unless he wanted to do it for him. FINALLY a month ago (after I'd lost almost 40 pounds), he decided he wanted to lose weight too (goal: fit in a shirt he loves), and now we are both losing weight together. It's great!

Even though you love him, you can't make him lose weight. Did you ever have someone tell you you should lose weight? Did you take it well?

You have to do this for you... let him decide about himself. He may surprise you, but you'll have to let him do it on his terms... though if he starts to get receptive, nudging can work... :)

Good luck!

12-09-2005, 02:23 AM
My husband is the same. He knows he should lose weight, but thinks he can do it by exercise alone (and with his damaged knees, the mere idea is ridiculous). When we went to Weight Watchers together, he lost weight every week, always more than me, but he whined and moaned so much, I let him quit when he said he could do it at home, then quit myself a few weeks later (and of course, neither of us did it at home).

I told him that as soon as WW has the free sign-up fee, we are both going, and I'm going to try to ignore his griping. We both have already have obesity-related health problems, and I waited almost 37 years for Mr Right (we were just married three years ago), I'm going to wring every drip I can from both our lives, so we can make it to our 50th wedding anniversary.

At the rate we're going, we'll be to see 25.


12-09-2005, 10:18 AM
Colleen, I swear we are married to the same guy. My hubby thinks he can eat junk and run around the block a few times a week and it equal out. The trouble is, he never gets around to running around the block.

My DH is 280, and I have tried and tried to help him lose weight. I always cook healthy and I NEVER keep junk in our house? The result is that he will indulge for breakfast and lunch outside the home and then actually go to a gas station and buy a pint of ice cream or a family size bag of chips when he wants to indulge. I tried getting him to do one day of my program recently, but by lunch he called saying he gave up (even though what I packed for him was WAY more than he normally gets). You just CAN'T make him want to do it. Just be a good example and try not to nag too much. Also, if you do the grocery shopping, you generally have more control over the home environment being healthier or junkier.

What you can (and need to) address is this food pushing/sabotaging he is doing. I had a real come to Jesus about it with my DH, to the point that I was slamming doors (I am going through a LOT of stress outside of this, which is why I probably overreacted). He went from laughing about bringing 2 trigger food homes (1 lb of m&ms and a family size bag of sour cream and onions) to being sorry for it. If he wants to glut out on huge portions of food, that is his choice, but don't model it for our son, and don't bring some for me to share (but watching someone eat so much food doesn't make me hungry...it's gross).


12-09-2005, 11:01 AM
Yeah, what everybody else has already said. ;) Sorry for the bad news, but you just can't motivate other people except by example. The more you nag the more he will most likely resist. Just worry about yourself and he might get inspired to make some changes himself.

12-09-2005, 11:49 AM
An idea for a husabnd/S.O. who brings home junky food: have a separate cabinet for it. I've asked my boyfriend to keep things that he wants just in one cabinet/drawer area, and I just stay out of it.

12-09-2005, 02:23 PM
An idea for a husabnd/S.O. who brings home junky food: have a separate cabinet for it. I've asked my boyfriend to keep things that he wants just in one cabinet/drawer area, and I just stay out of it.
Wow, you have amazing self-control to be able to do that! My bf and I live togethe rnow, and he doesn't eat anything I don't buy. I do the grocery shopping and the cooking (if it were up to him, we'd live on Hot Pockets and cold cereal), so everything in my kitchen is within my normal limits (no major junk food). This makes life SO much easier :^:

12-09-2005, 06:56 PM
Good points Mary,

I have to say we have both been health saboteurs. Before his knee problems and all of the overtime he's been working, I was the one that ate healthy (too much, but healthy) and he was the one with horrible diet and great exercise habits (he would go to the gym for nearly 3 hours. He would walk for 45 minutes, lift weights for 30 minutes, swim for 45 minutes, and then sit in the sauna).

After we married, I started eating a little less healthy and he started exercising less. Wish we would have been better influences on each other.

David will eat whatever I put in front of him (although he will eat around any veggie besides broccoli - what an odd choice for a one veggie person to make)

We grocery shop together, and have been shopping with health in mind, though David just has portion control problems with any carbs, even bland cereals like bran flakes or cheerios.

He's definitely not a food pusher, especially now that he is working so much overtime (he works night shifts, I am now disabled and do not work). I have adjusted my schedule a bit to his, but my body just will not adapt to vampire hours, so we rarely share more than one meal together.

I definitely cannot make him do anything, but since I do not drive, he will be taking me to the weight watcher's meeting anyway, he might as well come along (he is willing). He's also very competitive, and knows he will probably lose more weight than me each week, or at least more consistently (I'm guaranteed to lose less one week a month), so he will lose weight just to spite me LOL.

He also said he didn't like the meetings, but he was always the center of attention in the meetings (as were almost any males that showed up).

I'm actually very lucky, as David will do anything I ask him to do, no matter how stupid he thinks it is (he will just complain long and loud about how stupid he thinks it is).

I have recently discovered that he doesn't always eat the lunch I make for him to take to work, but I don't give him grief about what he does when he's not with me. I have no control over that, and trying to will just drive both of us crazy.


12-09-2005, 07:09 PM
Very tough problem. I know nagging won't help. Maybe discreetly placing lots of mirrors and pictures of him around the house would do the trick. I know that I think of myself as being about 30# thinner than I am, which has always sapped my interest in dieting. After all I am "big boned" and carry the weight well. LOL.

Even now that I have lost almost 100# I am a bit disapointed that I don't look as thin as I feel.

12-09-2005, 07:49 PM
Everyone has already provided GREAT information and advice. I especially liked the one that said lead by example. That's what I did.

In my case, it was my dad that I was concerned about. He is beginning to develop diabetes and has pains in his legs. He eat's pretty much only what my mom fixes for him, but she is a very soft person. She knows what he likes, and feels guilty if she reduces the portions, or removes something from the meal.

I decided to take it upon myself to show him what it's like to be lighter and healthier. I started reducing portions and/or removing several things. I went from 210 to 174, and was feeling great! He seemed impressed, and decided maybe it wasn't so bad to forgo some of the foods that aren't as good for him.

He has been steadily losing weight, and is getting better!

Maybe your husband will follow your example when he sees you beginning to lose weight and getting healthier :)

12-10-2005, 04:33 PM
The picture idea is a very good one. I know I was shocked to see pictures of myself at my inlaws house. Also, when my son started walking I was walking behind him and hovering over him to make sure he didn't fall. Hubby snapped a pic and I swear it looked like my poor child was running from the stay-puff marshmallow monstress.


I am still not crazy about mirrors. Hopefully I physique will catch up with my mental image at some point in the diet.

12-12-2005, 06:25 PM
thanks to everyone for their suggestions....my fiance has finally agreed to start coming to the gym with me at least 3x's a week (no diet though!) If nothing else maybe he'll start to lose weight and that'll give him enough motivation to start dieting. Keeping my fingers crossed

12-12-2005, 06:30 PM
He's going to work out with you? WOW! What an accomplishment! That is great news :)

12-12-2005, 06:49 PM
thanks to everyone for their suggestions....my fiance has finally agreed to start coming to the gym with me at least 3x's a week (no diet though!) If nothing else maybe he'll start to lose weight and that'll give him enough motivation to start dieting. Keeping my fingers crossed

That is how I lost the first 30#!