100 lb. Club - insecurity- vent
12-02-2005, 01:35 PM
This is related to weight loss- the journey of weightloss. It seems kind of silly but I just want to get it out.
I have been dressing better, making sure to look extra nice everyday. I wear makeup everyday but I've been putting more care into and putting on base and bronzer and eyeliner, I'm usually wearing lipstick and mascara only.
A few weeks ago I saw a pic of myself and I have a crease that is vertical on my forehead and goes towards my nose. It just looked so prominent so I cut my hair with bangs in it. I did this because I don't want to go for botox just yet :)
I've been going to the gym and although I'm not perfectly following the diet I've been doing decent and I feel better and clothes fit better.
Okay, so here's the story. I'm sitting in the car this a.m. and my dh(?) is saying you look very nice today, you makeup looks good...then he says and your bangs? they look great makes me feel like giving myself a prep roll. (for those that don't know a prep roll is an 80's style of rolling up your pants) I was astonished, embarrassed and just felt stupid all at once. I said 'What are you trying to say' and he said 'don't worry they're coming back in style' so now its even worse. And its not just that it is so much more and maybe since it came from the man I love it hurt 10x worse than it should have. Its like no matter what he says my feelings were hurt pretty bad. I explained that I have no self esteem so even if it was a joke, it hurt, and I don't know how you want me to take that.
I guess its not just about the bangs, its everything rolled into one- I have a dang crease on my forehead I'm trying to cover with bangs and now my bangs make me look silly apparently. I start thinking I have my weight to deal with and its all external but it bugs me so bad. I feel like now its like oh look at the big girl with mall bangs. By the way they aren't mall bangs and I thought they looked good until today.
12-02-2005, 01:41 PM
Men! I swear, do they think before they speak!!
I think you need to realize that we are all pretty insecure and I'm sure your bangs look just fine. I think you'd know if they didn't.
Yes, bangs are not all that popular right now, but I have ALWAYS had them.
:hug: Sorry you had an icky day.
12-02-2005, 02:08 PM
Geez, men are so completely clueless! I'm sure he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt your feelings, (I hope!) but it still hurt nevertheless, and you have every right to feel this way. I think we all find those little (even though they feel huge) things that we absolutely cannot stand about ourselves and focus entirely too much attention on them. But the thing is, if we ever do get the chance to fix these things, then there's always something else just waiting for that negative attention. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can never be 100% happy because we are our own worst critics, we'll always find something else to pick at. And to tell you the truth, I almost garantee that nobody else even notices that annoying little line, with or without the bangs. So do whatever the **** makes you happy and makes you feel most comfortable with yourself, and tell everyone else to just stuff it if they don't like it! And you know what else I hate? Why is it that we let other people's words have so much darn power over us, when it's the words we say to ourselves that are most powerful of all? I just don't get it, but I'm definitely guilty of it myself, much moreso than I'd even care to admit.
So, chin up sweetie, and proudly display your crease or your bangs or whatever else you want, 'cause the only one who can make you happy is you.
12-02-2005, 02:13 PM
Forget about what is "in" and what is "out". If you look better with bangs (and many of us do) then it is fine to wear them. The same goes for any fashion statement you ever want to make. I don't care how trendy something is it will look silly on some people and it is even sillier for them to try and get away with wearing it.
We are all insecure about something, some more than others. But, try not to blow things out of proportion. I am sure that line on your forehead is a lot more noticable to you than anyone else and I am sure your husband wasn't TRYING to make you feel bad. He just made a joke that happened to backfire on him. Remember, he did start by saying how nice you looked. The guy just put his foot in his mouth - it happens to all of us.
You will never be able to impress everybody so as long as YOU are happy with your appearance that is all that matters. I honestly believe that it isn't how we look that makes us attractive but whether or not we like how we look. It is the air of confidence that we project when we have a good hair day, or wear our favorite outfit, etc.
You are obviously working to improve yourself and that is going to shine through if you let it.
12-02-2005, 02:14 PM
Yep we don't always think before we speak. Sorry you're feeling so down. Just keep your resolve to do what is right for you and you will get to your goal and will feel so much better about yourself. I know it's hard right now to feel good about yourself but you should. You're a great person and you need to be good to yourself.
12-02-2005, 02:48 PM
I'm with everyone else - I'm sure you hair looks great and that your husband didn't mean anything bad by his comment. I go through similar experiences with my hubby. I purchased some new clothes, fitted, 3/4 length sleeve, collared shirts. They are very nice and quite in style (or so it seems, as all of the stores are carrying them). Well hubby tells me I look like an 80 year old woman when I wear them because the colours in one of them reminds him of a blouse his grandmother once had. I think what your husband said is similar to that. Just because it reminds him of a different time and place doesn't mean that it's not applicable to here and now. I hope this rough patch passes for you quickly. You're doing so great!
12-02-2005, 03:03 PM
ok to bring you up to speed... im 35 that means in 1985 i was 15.
I loved the fashion then i still love it now. I LIKE my hair from the 80's. (it fell on my way to get this pict taken) i like the music. (apparently so did everyone else bacause everyone is doing 80's cover tunes!) i keep my pants tight at the ankle. if they arnt, i prep roll them. i hunt for slouch socks. and i want my leg warmers back.
I would have taken what your husband said as a COMPLEMENT! Maybe i'm out there. i'm so out of style my teen cringes. but i dont care, it's what I like. if you like your hair with bangs Wear them! you are on a journey to a whole new you.
i know it hurts. i also know he wasnt trying to hurt you. men are just stupid with their mouths sometimes. above all else love yourself. he said you looked good. im sure he meant that.
:hug: i hope you feel better about it all soon:hug:
12-02-2005, 03:03 PM
I agree with the others. If you like your bangs and feel great with them then by all means keep them. My best friend, bless her heart, still wears the ratted bangs. She never gave them up and to this day still curls them up tight, rats them and sprays a ton of hair sprays on them. Even though it is out of style with the rest of the world it looks great on her. I'm sure she could go in and get a makeover and find a new do that looks just as good as what she has now but she likes her bangs.
Okay - So you know the men are dumb and don't think before they speak UNLESS it's a lie.....
Who cares if bangs are in or out, if you like them and they look good that is all that matters.
About the line between your eyebrows, I have the same thing - HATE IT! I say go ahead and give yourself the gift of Botox for Christmas, then you can wear your hair however you want or shave bald for that matter.......
12-02-2005, 03:25 PM
:hug: I'm sorry you feel so badly about yourself. If it makes you feel any better, I know a lot of people with bangs who look very good with them. I never knew they weren't "in fashion." But hey, what do men know about style anyway? :lol: Keep your chin up. I'm sure he wasn't trying to be hurtful but at least you let him know.
12-02-2005, 03:33 PM
Just about 7 weeks ago I had my bangs cut back in and everyone, I mean EVERYONE, I know told me how much better I looked with some height at the top of my hair and I know that it is true.....it's what looks best on you. Nothing is out of style, style is personal taste and what looks good on each person. So fooey on anyone who says otherwise!
Besides, my hair dresser had just come back from a hair styling conference where she was told all the 80s hairstyles are BACK!! :)
I've almost always had bangs, my face is really long and I look funny without them. :) I've been seeing lots more people with them recently too.
I'm sure your husband didn't mean anything by his comment, but it's human nature to try to overanalyze things like that, especially when you're already feeling vunerable. As you keep taking care of yourself and keep on, well keeping on... It will get better :)
12-02-2005, 04:07 PM
For the last 2 years all magazines SCREAMED ...long, straight, SLEEK hair....(very 70s if I remember high school correctly)
Now the mags. say BIG HAIR, BIG CURLS is the way to go.....(so we've graduated to the '80s)
The 80s were great! i had a baby, got a divorce and made a fortune in real estate....The 90s seemed kind of boring....
Now we've come full circle...I'm sure your bangs look great. BTW, I'm 48 and had those vert. lines (too much stress)....if you don't want to do Bo-tox, try a good facial, some home microdermabrasion and there is a ton of temporary choices.....cruise through Sephora website for ideas.
my little lines are pretty much gone with some good peels and facials. (both home and dermatol. versions)
I'll send your husband some chocolate shoes for the next time he puts his foot in his mouth...
12-02-2005, 04:09 PM
I see hairstyles in magazines all of the time with bangs. I am sorry you feel so down but men can say the DUMBEST things. Mine is better than most but even he can come up with something insensitive every once in awhile. You are fixing up, so wear it proudly!
12-02-2005, 04:15 PM
I think I look better with bangs regardless. I have a very very short forehead and when I grow out my bangs they just fall forward, not too mention I have a prominent wrinkle. :carrot:
I think I've gotten over it a little. He emailed and said he never meant to hurt my feelings and he was very very sorry, but I'm still waiting for my flower delivery.
I am going to keep them and keep in mind I'm doing it for me. I know no one else notices the CREASE in my forehead but every picture it looks like a long dark line, it is so big it gets a shadow...:o I guess I'll just remind myself that I need the bangs for me and so I don't get so paranoid about the crease. Its so crazy I care about a crease...
Thank you all for you kind words. It wouldn't have been so bad had he not turned around and put in a 2nd jab. Part of this journey is because I've been wanting to be a better person and 50% of the reason is for him/us our marriage, sex everything and what better way than to feel better about myself first. Any I tried to explain its not just bangs its all the above, I feel like I went backwards a few steps this a.m. and its so frustrating.
12-02-2005, 05:18 PM
Man oh man. I know the feeling. Men do say the dumbest things. Last night, my fiance felt the need to mention some girl he used to go with and her BIG KNOCKERS:doh: :foot: ! So yeah, I'm expecting my flowers soon too;) .
Anywho! I'm glad you are feeling better. We women need to start trusting ourselves when we look in the mirror and say "you look hot today". It's not easy though.
12-02-2005, 05:37 PM
Yeah, I have been feeling good everyday. feeling like everyone can tell I just feel better and I'm happier (for the most part) and then boom!
I do need to start some affirmations or something!!!
12-03-2005, 03:34 AM
First of all please try not to take his words so much to heart. Think about the fact he started out the conversation with you look very nice today. Sometimes knowing that someone is trying very hard to make marked improvements makes others think they have to 'over' compliment. Possibly your dh fell right into this trap, ergo the retort by adding don't worry they're coming back in style.
Please try to focus on the fact that no matter what he, even though is the one you love, or anyone else says it's really what you 'feel' that matters. I know you said your self-esteem is nothing right now but please don't let anyone other than yourself be the fuel for jump starting it. We are all ultimately responsible for ourselves and from what I can see of your progress you have done just that, MADE PROGRESS. Don't throw that away on comments that are just as likely to have been made during moments of insecurity...when they don't know what to say.
Guys very often don't know much about fashion so just consider the source. I work as a hair dresser and I can say for a fact bangs have never really gone out. It seems slightly more popular now to wear them longer and swept to the side with a side part. However regular bangs are equally as common. I have worn bangs ever since I was in high school because I have a high forehead and creases. I guess I got an early start on the wrinkly forehead thing. I personally am not fond of the current hairstyle because I think this straight shapeless look is not very flattering to many women. It is better to have a style that accents your best features than to look like what some silly fashion magazine dictate as the best look for this season's clones.