Weight Loss Support - Does any else get annoyed by comments?




icedragon6669
11-28-2005, 05:43 PM
I am a little frustrated today, it is starting to happen and I feel annoyed, which wants to make me throw in the towel!
I like getting compliments! that is nice, but i am starting to get snidy remarks, and they make me soooo mad!

for instance, my best friends neighbour whom i pass 2-3 times a day keep saying to me yesterday "don't lose any more weight" she said it 2-3 times each time i saw her!.:( I know she is not being mean, but geez enough already.
Then i went to pick my DD from a friends and the mother started in on it "oh god you've lost more weight... blah blah, I am trying to lose, i want to lose.... but i need to see a gastrologist.... blah blah":dizzy:
They weren't negative, but the intent behind them gets to me! I get tired of hearing it from EVERYONE! these are not too bad, but it is the start and usually i can only put up with it for a week or 2, until i give up and say i cannot handle it anymore!
My SIL will start saying... she needs to start excercising , running, dieting...
Then my MIL will say, how the **** can i lose weight.. she has tried... this and that....:devil:
Then the mothers at school start on.... WOW you look good! (but you know that behind your back they are probably saying... gee how long till she gains it back):?:
They are not blatent out right mean, but after hearing it 2-3 times every day it wears me out, if I want to lose weight and be "normal" i should be able to without everybody butting their noses in and commenting. Everyone seems to know everything about me and my weight! Can't they say stuff like "gee you look good" and leave it at that, no they have to start on how, why, where, when!!!!!!!


Ok I am getting close to my goal, but I want my BMI to be 24.9 or less (i just want to get in the normal range) but everyone starts on my case even when I start getting close to it?

My mother is coming up on Sunday ! (and i need to brace myself for it) she thinks at 200 pounds I am looking too skinny!!!!!!! at 190 she thinks i am anorexic! I don't know how to cope with it all the time!

Everytime i get here i get so angry at people i just start grabbing at the food again!

Anyone have this!!!!!!!!


funniegrrl
11-28-2005, 06:23 PM
Yeah, it seems to be a common phenomenon. There are all kinds of reasons for it, some positive some negative. I just stopped trying to figure out WHY they were doing it, 'cause it doesn't matter. I went through a period where I was REALLY annoyed or even uncomfortable, but as time as gone on I've learned to just let it roll off my back.

lucky
11-28-2005, 10:32 PM
I learned to roll with it. I found it helped to give people the benefit of the doubt. There is no question that there will be people who make sugar coated insults out of jealousy but they are few and far between. Most people are just astounded by what you have accomplished (everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight, even people who just need to shed 10 pounds). I am sure they are making an honest effort to compliment you even if their words lack tact. As for people like your mom, well, I am sure she has your best interests at heart. Moms will always be moms, after all.

The flip side of all of this is that people will eventually stop commenting on your weight. And you will meet new people who have no idea you were ever heavy to begin with. For me, that was just a bothersome. What always annoyed me about people's recaction to my weight loss was that it practically took over who I was. Part of the reason I began losing was that I didn't want my weight to define me anymore. Then, all of a sudden, it was ALL people defined me by (or so it seemed). I've been hanging around 135 for a while now and the "new" has worn off and I only get comments from people who haven't seen me in a while. I've got to say that I miss them a little bit. All that fuss about not wanting to be defined by my weight and, as it turns out, it really is a big part of who I am. In hindsight, I wish I had relished all of those compliments (even the misguided ones) a little more while they lasted!


Universityprincess
11-28-2005, 10:36 PM
I havent experinced this yet, but my mother has. In total she has lost 150 lbs over the years and now she is working on it some more and she'll get comments from SOME people telling her not to lose anymore. I think it's jealousy and/or fear. Fear that you will become something different...maybe more outgoing...possibly competition to them in dating...

Jewelz76
11-28-2005, 10:47 PM
I also get those remarks. Just the other day I was told I looked anorexic and if I lost any more weight I was going to look very unhealthy. Go figure? Course it hurts my feelings.. but, I honestly believe what my dad said to me. People are forgetting what a healthy weight was 30-40 years ago.

Gitterdone
11-28-2005, 11:21 PM
I actually thought that this was written with the comments from here as the intention....and I was going to agree.

Sometimes, I feel that I don't get recognized or responses from some people who's goals are more challenging than mine. It gets frusterating, I have the same problem as some of you!....I can't loose weight! And for some of you, you have lost more weight in one month vs what I have lost in one year! Props to that!!!!!!!! I just don't want to be discriminated against because my goal is shorter, because its just as hard for me to "get going" as the rest of you. :) My goal may be shorter, but I don't look at it as being any easier. :) I

RocksAnn
11-28-2005, 11:42 PM
I really don't give a _____ what others think. I'm losing this weight for me and me only!

I've heard that I'll never lose enough weight to look that good. Well.....I say, "I may be ugly on the outside but, you are ugly on the inside and the outside!!" :rolleyes: ;)

Tani
11-29-2005, 12:05 PM
I had a really irritating weight loss related "compliment" yesterday. A guy came up to me and said "You look like you went back on your diet" Argh. Maybe it's just me, but I found this really irritating. I just smiled politely, though and mumbled something about having added more exercise to my daily routine.

I try to understand that the masses don't understand what a four letter loaded word (heh) diet is. This poor guy doesn't know that "dieting" is what made my weight spiral up in the first place.

But then I took back my benefit of the doubt, as he started to tell me how he's been trying so hard to get his adult daughter to lose weight. How he knows she's a big girl and will never "be a ballerina" but that she really needs to lose a few pounds. Arrrrrghhhhhh Through gritted teeth I suggested that perhaps worrying about someone eles weight wasn't the most productive use of his time. :lol:

blues4miles
11-29-2005, 12:25 PM
Icedragon I know what you mean. I think the hardest for me, is that it is some degree of jealousy. This has been okay for me coming from some people, but from others I can't stand it. In the case of those who wish that they too could drop down to my weight, then they tell me I should stop losing, I think to myself that if they were my weight they'd want to take off a few more lbs too. So yes it's frustrating when you consider that if they were losing weight, they'd be just as ambitious. Then the others who I can't take it from are those who are skinnier than me. Like a coworker of mine who weighs about 110 lbs and was complaining that if she went back on the bc pill she might gain 5 or 10 lbs, or that when she decides to have kids she might 'balloon up to 135 lbs.' I just had to laugh at her. Her telling me I shouldn't worry so much about losing anymore, but what must all these people really be thinking? I think the worst of it is, it's not a compliment that makes you feel good about yourself or good about what you've done, they always make me feel worse in the end.

Psychego
11-29-2005, 12:33 PM
Icedragon,

You are not alone in thinking of giving up. I have thought about it, but have never given up my diet. I'm a male and I even get jealous remarks form women. Especially older women who I think care for my health and think that I'm not eating enough. It's even tougher for a guy to deal with this because you hardly see a guy slimming down so much, and so they try to stop you. Comments do hurt or affect you even when they are not said with bad intentions. My negativity tries to find a way to see the underlying message of that something someone said. I even start thinking that maybe people (mostly women) who compliment me start talking sh*$ once I exit the breakroom.
However, you have to start thinking that you are doing this for you and you only. This is my second time at losing weight and so I know that the comments tend to diminish. As another postee said, you start missing them. I have even been told I look anorexic when I'm 30 to 35 pounds overweight.
As I lose more weight, the comments are a bit harsher too. But all you have to focus on is how people will treat you once you reach your goal. You will meet people who will see you thin and never would have imagined that you had lost weight.
It's hard to keep the momentum, but at this point, it's too late to turn back now. Don't give up. I'm very weakminded, but I will not let that derail me. I have goals and dreams as an "anorexic" looking male, but I will not allow anyone to hinder them. It's your body and your life and only you have control of it. Good luck!:hug:

Brania
11-29-2005, 01:04 PM
It never ceases to amaze me what some people feel they have a right to comment on. I am disabled and I am in severe pain. I let that play a major factor in gaining the majority of the weight I've put on. Well I'm fighting back and trying to lose the weight so I can become healthier and in turn hopefully my pain will lessen in the process. I was at a major function that required a substantial amount of walking and stairs of which I am unable to do. I have a power chair for such events. Riding in a crowded elevator a women looked down at me and asked in a very rude tone-"Well, What are YOU recovering from?" The elevator grew quiet as everyone waited for my answer. I was in shock. I stuttered out an answer. I am so mad at myself. I can never think of a quick comeback. I've thought of a million since then. I am so tired of people trying to make me fell less or undeserving. My family does this so I do recognize it. This has bugged me. People, even strangers that don't even know you get some sort of perverse pleasure in embarassing or debasing you using the guise of concern when they are being down right nosey or rude. There is a meaness in their character. It is meant to hurt, don't let it fool you.

Tealeaf
11-29-2005, 02:41 PM
I've gotten nothing but what appear to be genuine compliments to my face. What goes on behind my back, of course, I don't know about. But even though I do like being told how good I look now, there is a nagging sense about it. I'm still a good 60 to 70 pounds overweight. I still look fat. If I look "good" now, how in the world were these people seeing me before? It's not a good feeling, at all.

I can only echo what others have said in this thread. You are losing for yourself, not for the benefit of others. It doesn't really matter what they say or do, you're still responsible for yourself. If you go on a binge because you are mad at others, you will only be hurting your own efforts, while rewarding theirs to shoot you down.

I did not change my whole life to make other jealous. If they become so, that is their choice.

icedragon6669
11-29-2005, 09:48 PM
Thanks everyone.

I know i cannot take it to heart! but sometimes it does eat away at me mentally!
i said to my best friend that her neighbour s**ts me! and she laughed and said "by god you look good!, don't let that crone get to you!"
And i did have a guy admit to having a perv, when i stopped to face him! (he was about to lock up his shop but waited to see if i was going in! when i didn't he said oh well , it was worth the wait, to have a perv!) that i take as a compliment.

Jawsmum. YES! it does feel like it is all about my weight , not who i am! I was sick of being just the "fat" person, that was all i was, now i am just the one who lost lots of weight. One day i hope to be just ME!
I realise once i maintain a lower weight for a while, it will all go away, and i am waiting for that day! I just need to think up some wise crack replies! instead of hanging my head and just saying "yes, sure"

I know about naturally skinny people complaining about 5-10 pounds as well! one neighbour of mine was whinging her 10 year old jeans(size 8) were a little tight! I felt like running up to my cupboard and pulling out my size 24 and saying "maybe these will fit then!" LOL

Gitterdone - i think anyone here making an effort to a healthier life is amazing, some people do lose weight easily without too much extra work, just like some people are naturally skinny, no matter what they eat! some struggle at losing 1 pound at a time. I guarantee after i get to my goal this is a forum i need to stay with! sometimes you can forget the struggle, and start turning to old comfortable ways, and the reminder that this is for life! Not just a "diet" but a whole change of habits, and change of emotions, this is something that i need to keep with. I cheer everyone on! i think just by being on 3FC means that you are postive about making some changes.

On Monday i just felt like sticking a sign on my forehead, saying YES i have lost weight, and i plan to lose a little more... SO WHAT!!!!!!! GET OVER IT!

Brania that is horrible! I am glad you are still postive, i am sure you can suceed! Maybe if some of these other people had some disability they will see that it is not just an excuse. And comments like that are what would lead me to a full plate of food! it is a big vicious circle. I find it hard when my kids (9 and 6 ) sometimes ask me "why has that man only got one leg?" right in front of him. But i try to be honest and not rude!I say maybe he had a car accident, maybe he was born with a disability, but look it doesn't stop him going out and doing the things he wants to do! isn't that great. Sometimes people are that narrow minded they need to debase someone else to make themselves feel better!

Good luck everyone!

Tealeaf
11-30-2005, 01:36 PM
I know it can be a little annoying for those of us who have had to deal with being significantly overweight to hear from our friends who are much closer to a healthier weight complain about gaining 5 or 10 pounds. Still, I don't think that they are doing anything wrong. If someone is gaining weight and are unhappy about where they are at, they are unhappy with their weight, period. It doesn't matter if were talking 10 pounds or 110 pounds. Gaining weight is hard on the ego regardless of the size you started at or are at now, really.

I know this isn't the main focus of this thread, but I do sense a bit of the feeling of "Oh how rude of you to talk to me about your weight unless you are fat as me!" going on. And really, I think that's a bit oversensitive and misplaced.

lucky
11-30-2005, 03:22 PM
I just wanted to tack another thought onto what Tealeaf said.

I agree that those of us who have struggled with our weight (myself included) tend to be oversensitive to other people's comments. In my opinion, a big part of the problem is that we can't know exactly HOW other people see us and so we often assume that they are coming from an "she is/was too fat" attitude. For example, it used to drive me CRAZY when my sister (whose "fat" clothes are an 8) would complain about needing to lose 5 pounds and then say that I looked fine. It wasn't until I opened up to her about my weight, including telling her what my starting weight was, that I realized she had been being sincere. She honest to goodness did not see me as fat. She recognized that I was overweight but since she looked at me as a person and not a size or shape it never really occured to her that her comments might have seemed insensitive to me.

Even people who aren't close friends or family didn't see me as fat as I was. Sometimes it takes losing weight for people to realize how heavy we were to begin with . That often leads to a "shocked" reaction when we see someone for the first time in a while. I have a friend who had her teeth whitened. There was a HUGE difference - but I never noticed that they were discolored in the first place. So, I am sure my reaction to her smile was much like what some of us are getting because of our weight loss. And, I can assure you, that none of the compliments I paid her were intended as anything but just that, compliments.

On top of that, it is also impossible to know how these people see themselves. I have not been overweight all of my life. But, for as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. At 115 pounds I felt as fat as when I was 214. Being fat isn't just a number on the scale - it is a mentality. So, I think we have to be careful when interpreting what people have to say about our weight loss, especially if that person is what we consider thin.

All in all, I honestly believe that other people don't put nearly as much stock into our weight as we think they do. So, it is important that we not put too much stock into what they have to say about it. It is much easier to maintain a positive attitude about our weight loss if we assume those who notice it and comment have good intentions.

Finally, I will say this. I am nearing my goal weight - I'm not where I want to be yet but I can pass for fit and trim (with my clothes on anyway!). I still have plenty of friends who are obese and, like it or not, the dynamic between us has changed. It has been a real eye-opener to experience life on this side of the scale. There is no secret club of thin people who are constantly judging our weights. More often than not we are judging ourselves and, therefore, assume that everyone else is too.

Star
11-30-2005, 03:27 PM
Icedragon: you wrote "On Monday i just felt like sticking a sign on my forehead, saying YES i have lost weight, and i plan to lose a little more... SO WHAT!!!!!!! GET OVER IT!"

I like that idea - roll with it.......lol

PhysDom
11-30-2005, 03:37 PM
Thanks for that, Jawsmom...
It's always good to think of things from all sorts of angles.

LLV
11-30-2005, 04:25 PM
I just wanted to tack another thought onto what Tealeaf said.

I agree that those of us who have struggled with our weight (myself included) tend to be oversensitive to other people's comments. In my opinion, a big part of the problem is that we can't know exactly HOW other people see us and so we often assume that they are coming from an "she is/was too fat" attitude. For example, it used to drive me CRAZY when my sister (whose "fat" clothes are an 8) would complain about needing to lose 5 pounds
I think, in my honest opinion, 'thin' people will say those things just to piss us off. Not all of them, but some of them. Like when I was heavy, I took my son to a Halloween party that his Aunt Karen throws for all the kids every year. Her daughter-in-law, Tiffany, was there. Beautiful girl, perfect body, sitting with her perfect little friends. And yes, I'll admit, I was jealous of her. She could walk around in a pair of tight jeans and I was floating around in clothes 3 sizes too big, even though I was over 200 pounds. And knowing I was within earshot, they'd all sit there complaining about how fat they were.

It pissed me off royally. Because I KNEW they were doing that just to be spiteful and make me feel bad. Well now I can walk past them in MY tight jeans and it's very odd, they don't complain about being "fat" anymore.

Tealeaf
12-01-2005, 02:32 AM
I would be willing to bet that not all of her perfect little friends felt that they were perfect.

I really don't think that most thin people are really capable of putting themselves in the shoes of those of us who have significant weight issues. Maybe the kids were trying to be spiteful, maybe they weren't. I don't know, I wasn't there and in the heads of the girls making those comments. But I do know that it is easy to project one's feelings on to someone else. If you are jealous and angry at someone, it would be very easy to preceive anything they say as being spiteful.

That said, I know that thin people are perfect capable of being mean and spiteful. But still, when they are talking about their weight issues, I think it's more likely that they are trying to take a stab at empathizing with us, if they are thinking about us at all. Which, honestly, I don't think they do most of the time. Most people are alot more self preoccupied than spiteful.

lucky
12-01-2005, 11:31 AM
I'm riding Annie's coattails again...

I agree, ANYBODY, can be mean and spiteful. Here is what I've figured out since I've lost weight. Anybody who might have said something negative about my weight (whether it was sugar coated as a compliment or out right mean) didn't like me for one reason or the other. They didn't dislike me because I was fat, they just disliked me period. That is fine by me - there are plenty of people I don't like all that much. Usually, it is just matter of having a personality conflict, nothing nasty. But, if someone happens to be one of those mean, spiteful types then they are aware of how to push people's buttons. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that a fat person's sensitive spot is their weight. So, those same people may not have my weight to target anymore but, I assure you, they will still be able to find SOMETHING to take a jab at. I'm not out to win a popularity contest. I try to be the best person I know how to be. That includes being healthy, fit, and happy with myself. That's all I can do. Most of the time I manage to be a decent, caring person but sometimes I fail miserably. I try and remember that when someone rubs me the wrong way. Maybe their behavior is a result of a really rotten day (week, year, life). We all have them. Maybe they are just snotty and judgemental by nature. It doesn't really matter. I have very little control beyond how I treat them so there isn't much sense in wasting time fretting over how they treat me.

angel-eyes
12-01-2005, 01:56 PM
phew....alot of great posts!!! I've seen it both ways, a polite remark of 'how good you look' from someone you barely know and another remark that is a backhanded compliment from a loved one. We all like affirmation of how well we are doing and I think at times when we might be frustrated or at a low point...take the comment with too much sensitivity. Come on now.....losing weight, being heavy, over eating, why we eat....are all emotions wrapped up in all of us.

A relative of mine, does this tai chi stuff and on a visit last year, said to me...." if you do this excercise...it will help you lose weight" ....I smiled politely and nodded my head where in fact I wanted to rip out her jugular!!!:devil: Nice that she thinks to offer suggestions, maybe I should offer suggestions on how to deal with her constant bad breath? This from a woman (the nursery rhyme "Jack Spratt could eat no fat" comes to mind.....)will sit down to dinner for a nice baked ham and will precisely trim off the 1/8" of fat/rind off the edges. She freaks out if she gains 3 lbs....OH MY!!!:eek: You can imagine how happy I am that she is coming to visit at Christmas time this year!!! hmmm, I might be a little bitter still about that one.:D

LovesBassets
12-01-2005, 03:56 PM
I only get annoyed by my Mom's comments -- things like "I knew you would finally be thin one day" and "you must come visit me so I can show you off to my friends."

But then again, for the last 33 years most of her comments have annoyed me :dizzy: .

TBJ333
12-01-2005, 04:49 PM
I do think that thin people judge us as having no willpower. I'm ashamed to say this, but in the interest of being open... when I'm losing weight, sometimes I think to myself,"Why can't that obese person cut out just one soda a day? She'd lose a third of a pound a week and be 15 lbs. lighter every year. It isn't that hard..."

I forget that it is that hard, that I used to drink three cans of pop a day. I remind myself that judging people is rarely the right thing to do, especially when I don't have the perspective that they have. Thin people probably often think the same thing. "Just cut out two hundred calories a day. Just go for one fifteen minute walk a day." As if forming new habits were easy.

Please don't hate me for admitting that I sometimes think this way! I am trying to stop myself from thinking those thoughts. I'm just writing them here so that we can know that thin people think and say stupid things because they don't have our perspective, because they think a lifestyle change is easy, because they either never had to do it, or they've succeeded and now they wonder why someone else can't.

LovesBassets
12-01-2005, 04:59 PM
I do think that thin people judge us as having no willpower. I'm ashamed to say this, but in the interest of being open... when I'm losing weight, sometimes I think to myself,"Why can't that obese person cut out just one soda a day? She'd lose a third of a pound a week and be 15 lbs. lighter every year. It isn't that hard..."

I forget that it is that hard, that I used to drink three cans of pop a day. I remind myself that judging people is rarely the right thing to do, especially when I don't have the perspective that they have. Thin people probably often think the same thing. "Just cut out two hundred calories a day. Just go for one fifteen minute walk a day." As if forming new habits were easy.

Please don't hate me for admitting that I sometimes think this way! I am trying to stop myself from thinking those thoughts. I'm just writing them here so that we can know that thin people think and say stupid things because they don't have our perspective, because they think a lifestyle change is easy, because they either never had to do it, or they've succeeded and now they wonder why someone else can't.

I admit I often have similar thoughts. I think it comes from feeling like if I can do it, THEY can do it -- and I'd love to give them a few tips! There was a woman at my gym the other day who was fairly heavy. I was on the elliptical and (since there's nothing else to watch) I was kinda observing her. She was just sort of puttering around, picking up a weight here and there...And all I wanted to do was run over to her and show her what to do!! I felt so frustrated because she OBVIOUSLY has the motivation (she's AT the gym, after all) but I felt like she wasn't getting anywhere. And yesterday, I saw a woman who was probably *officially* obese at the gas station. She was buying 2 Hershey bars. And I thought, "I wonder if she's happy with her weight? I wonder if she's tried to lose?" Now that's actually really none of my business -- but in a weird way I was worried about her...

I don't know if it's so much about judging people as it is feeling like you want other people to succeed in their weight loss, too, because you know just how good it feels and how much every single sacrifice you make is absolutely, positively, 100% WORTH IT.

Does that make sense?

PhysDom
12-01-2005, 05:10 PM
TBJ333 and LovesBassetts-
I think that that -does- make sense!

It's reasonable to want to give advice or tips or help someone at the gym or think that maybe someone should try a little harder... and it's also reasonable to know that it's not all that easy...

The difference, I think, is the point when someone decides to open up their trap and share their potentionally hurtful thoughts with others.

Yes, we all think things better left unsaid. So do that -- keep it unsaid.

LovesBassets
12-01-2005, 07:39 PM
The difference, I think, is the point when someone decides to open up their trap and share their potentionally hurtful thoughts with others.

Yes, we all think things better left unsaid. So do that -- keep it unsaid.

Agreed 100%, definitely. I know if someone had said something to me about "how to lose weight" when I was 189 lbs -- or NOW for that matter -- I would want to SMACK them :devil: . Unless, of course, I'd actually ASKED for advice in the first place! I think some people don't see that boundary, though -- the distinction between offering helpful advice when asked and just openly sharing unsolicited opinions/"wisdom". I think this is especially true of relatives who knew you as a little kid and seem to think they can offer you any old advice they want.

blues4miles
12-01-2005, 08:09 PM
Hm, have to agree with a lot of what's been said, and it's really made me think. I think regardless of your weight, a lot of people have a mentality about being 'fat.' So when someone who weighs maybe 130 or 140 lbs says something, and it sounds offensive because you think at least they have it better than some, it's because they are self-critical not critical of others. I do think though that there are angry/mean thin people out there. Like the thin people who REALLY don't eat a lot, to the point of being unhealthy, and then it's not so much that they offer advice that is disheartening but that they think to themselves; it is okay for my fat friend to be fat but not myself, she's just not as smart as me.

I take diet advice from heavier people more seriously I think as well. I know that if I SEE someone is overweight, I know it's probably something they've struggled with, they've probably dieted more than the 'thin' people you see. Even personally I sometimes feel like a fat person living in a thinner body. I know personally my own struggle in my mind, even when others have not seen me at my heaviest of weights. But I think that irregardless of who is making a comment, it is usually with the best intentions. Yes, many thin people have never had weight problems and can be mean and insensitive. But I like many others get comments from my one of my parents a lot, when both of my parents have been very overweight and sometimes obese ever since I was born. I know that it is said with love, not wanting me to suffer in the same ways they have.

Also, can't remember who said it but the mention of the sister who made comments I think was totally appropriate too. I think when a friend who is thinner may comment that THEY need to lose weight, but will assure a more overweight friend that they don't, it's because they really think their friend looks good. That friend does not see me as overweight at all, and their comments about my weight is meant to reassure me and their comments about themselves are because it doesn't matter how thin you are you will always struggle with self-criticism.

LLV
12-01-2005, 08:13 PM
Please don't hate me for admitting that I sometimes think this way! I am trying to stop myself from thinking those thoughts.
I perfectly understand and admit to having the same thoughts. Even when I was heavy.

Like one time we went to a huge food buffet. Even when I was heavy I didn't go in making an oinker of myself, I always watched how much I ate (even though, at the time, I was obviously eating more than I needed to) and this woman that sat at the table next to us came back to sit down after getting her food. She was a large woman. Very large. I don't know how much she weighed, probably close to 300 pounds. And her plate was literally PILED a mile high with fried chicken. It almost disgusted me. I remember thinking to myself, my gosh, it's no wonder she's so big, how can any one person eat that much food? She should be ashamed of herself.

But at the same time it made me feel sad. Not only sad for her, but sad that I was even thinking such things because I realized that sometimes people just can't help it. Then it dawned on me that that was the same excuse I used for myself, because yes, people CAN help it. There's no reason in the entire world to eat that much food. She not only ate it all, she went back for seconds. Then had dessert. A plate piled with ice cream over cake.

I felt bad for the way I was thinking, but that was just plain crazy. Then I went home and took a look at myself in the mirror and realized I wasn't too far off from that myself :(

icedragon6669
12-01-2005, 11:12 PM
One time a salesperson walked up to me in the street! I was about 200 pounds and at the time, i was ok with that weight! and this person was walking around handing out leaflets on nutri-slim (or something like that), I felt targetted!!!!! i actually remember looking around to see, who was watching, and watched the guy to see who else he was giving the leaflets to! (and the thing was it was only me!) so he thought i was fat! and i even turned to DH and said "am i really that FAT! and cried all the way home" considering i am 5 11 and 200 pounds only puts my BMI at 29 which is only overweight! NOT obese... had my weight stayed at that and not gone up i would have been happy!

All of you are correct! i too think thoughts when i see some people, and i too sometimes sigh at someone and think, if only you knew how much better you would feel about yourself if you gave a healthier lifestyle a go! or do you really need to have those chips! or one of my biggest thoughts lately is " thats gotta be tough, being that big!" then i think Gosh i was that big once!, and how bad did it feel to be inside myself at that size, and you really feel sorry for people. But if i walked up to them and said hey there, need a friend to help you! they would hit me! i would hit me! LOL! i would be totally disgusted and think to myself , oh god this person thinks i am a whale, then that would turn that into I am a whale, then i would run out to the nearest store and buy.... more food, to drown my sorrows.

But i think we all know to keep those thoughts to ourselves! Sometimes there a times, when a friend will open up, about being big! and that is an opportunity to offer advise, even then though i am reluctant that they take it wrong. Some people will ask how i do it (losing weight) and i will trivialize it with " i've been doing some walking and eating better! cutting out the junk food" but really it is more like "i have been working my guts out! sweating hard, and eating fairly strictly! under 1800 Cal"

But apart from that losing weight can be a very personal battle, and to have people "butting in" really angers me!
I think some compliments are really good , like "look at you", or being checked out! , it is when the compliment is more like advice..... "don't loss anymore", "you need to... ", "you should.... " and the saddest part is the person saying it expects you to follow it!!!!!!!!

I am glad this forum is here, to be able to share your thoughts! and be so honest! its amazing to find, people who have the same thoughts and ideas.

Now if i can survive hurricane MOTHER on Sunday!!!!!!! (she thinks a BMI of under 30 is anorexic!!!!!!!)

Cheers
Sonja

Tealeaf
12-02-2005, 04:02 AM
I think that one hurdle alot of us who have had some success losing weight have to clear the the desire to "convert" those who appear as though they are not as concious about their health as we feel they ought to be. Unfortunately, it's alot easier to be annoying and insulting, or even be hurtful, than it is to be motivating.

LLV
12-02-2005, 08:46 AM
One time a salesperson walked up to me in the street! I was about 200 pounds and at the time, i was ok with that weight!
It's so funny you say that because for a long time, even when I was heavy, I didn't see myself as fat. But - at the same time - I knew I was. If that makes any sense. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure some of you understand what I mean. I guess I was just in denial.

Tani
12-02-2005, 11:17 AM
Oh this thread is turning very cathartic for me! I'm glad to see so many other people feel the same way. I struggle with my inner fitness **** all the time. It's natural I think. I feel so much better these days. I'm so estactically happy to be fit and healthy and I wish everybody could feel this way too. I'm also and older sister, so bossiness comes naturally :lol: I would never ever open my mouth and give the advice that wants to come out though.

It even makes me uncomfortable when people *ask* for advice, because they never seem to actually want to hear my real thoughts on the subject. They want a quick fix or a magic pill, so when I talk about exercising every day and moderating my food intake they just go blank and stop listening.