100 lb. Club - So sad but true.




View Full Version : So sad but true.


tolose85
11-04-2005, 09:04 AM
Enough is enough. I am so upset with myslef. Do you realize that this time last year, I was nearly at my goal? I don't quite know what happened. In actuality, I do know what happened. I got pregnant and gave myself the ticket to all food buffets. I cannot believe I let this happen to me. I feel so embarrased about my weight now, I feel so ugly and like everyone is laughing at me.. I am a failure at this. I tried once since I gave birth, to get back onto my plan. I couldn't. My time restraints are so pressing. I make sloppy food choices and totally wrong choices. I know better so why do I continue to choose the wrong path? I know what to do. I keep telling myself that I start again next week-- this is not a good sign. Food makes me so happy lately. My life has changed and I have this wonderful son. My home life is totally wonderful. I couldn't be happier with my new family. I don't know why I can't control my eating. I truly feel like a fat blob. I have nothing to wear, I am embarrased to eat infront of people because the selections I am making are terrible. Normally, I am a positive person, with an awesome outlook on life but lately, that person has escaped me. All of you who know me, KNOW this isn't who I used to be. I need some encouragement right about now. Help me get back on track please. I am so jealous of all of you who kept up with this I am also very proud. I just wish I could be a part of that group. Instead, I find myself back at square 1 starting all over again. I know once I get myself going, I will be ok. But to get myself going has become the real problem. I'd love your feedback. Help!!


Heather
11-04-2005, 09:41 AM
Gretchen -- I have been there before. About 6 years ago I started doing it all right. Food, exercise... I went from 250 to about 217 and was feeling great. Okay, I wasn't close to a goal, like you, but I was totally in control.

And then, I lost "it" (long story for later) -- the edge, the motivation, whatever keeps us on track. In 6 years I gained all that weight back plus 45 pounds. Fat blob indeed!! As the weight piled on I completely gave up. Why bother? I would try to maintain a light exercise regime, but couldn't be bothered to worry about food at all. I tried, halfheartedly, but nothing really got me going.

And I'm back -- I started over (another story for later). And I'm almost down to my starting point 6 years ago (I keep thinking how pathetic to be excited to get back to a weight I hated!). And I'm still scared to lose "it" again.

Remember you can start with small steps! Start making some better choices -- walk a little, etc. You have a son and you want to be healthy for HIM! I think sometimes getting started is one of the hardest things.

I wrote myself a letter that I may need in the future, if I ever start gaining back the weight, to try and remind myself of WHY I'm doing this in the first place. Maybe you could do that too.

The letter is below. Good luck, and keep us posted!!!
-------------------------------------------
Well, hey there Future Self!!

You did it, didn’t you? You’ve ditched the plan and fallen off the wagon, haven’t you? You’ve maybe gained back some (a lot?!) of the weight you lost, and you’re feeling out of control right now. You can’t help but war with yourself over the food you feel you shouldn’t have, and you quit exercising. Or worse, maybe you’ve just totally given up, again. In fact, I know you pretty well, and I bet you’re feeling kinda sorry for yourself huh? Poor thing…

But that attitude will get you nowhere. QUIT IT!!!!!

You. Can. Do. This!

I want you to think back to why you started this whole journey in the first place. Recall, if you will:
• You weighed just under 300 pounds by your scale, and probably over 300 on any other scale. That’s a lot of you!
• You had a bad fall and were in a lot of pain and had trouble moving – do you want your weight keep you in stiffness and pain?
• What about your dad and his diabetes? Your MIL and her back? What about not being able to stand up from the floor with any kind of grace whatsoever because of your weight? What about just feeling like a hippo all the time?
• What about being able to do the things you want to do and buy the clothes you want to buy? Remember the great feeling of shopping in your closet? Don't you want to shop in normal stores? Take trips without worrying about flights and seat sizes and accomodations?
• And while we’re at it, let’s talk about food. I know you think that those Cheetos and Fritos and especially that Ice Cream and Macaroni and Cheese give you comfort, but they don’t. No one’s saying you can’t have them – you will have to moderate them. And believe me when I tell you that you LOVE fruit! And yummy veggies, and Kashi bars!!! You’re not giving up foods you love, you’re finding new food friends. And I bet you miss that feeling of control you had about those trigger foods too. Remember: you could walk away from the candy on the secretary’s desk EVERY DAY!
• And exercise! You didn’t always like starting, but you really liked walking to the music, releasing some stress, feeling what you body could do!
• Oh, and what about how you feel at the end of the day? Are you tired? Taking naps again? Well, when you ate better, you didn’t get so many low blood sugar dips!! You can be that way again!
• You’ve been in control of your health before and loved it! You can love it again!

Okay, I know, it’s not so easy. The problem is you think it’s all insurmountable. Something little happened, and you got off track, and then something else, and then it snowballed and pretty soon there went all the good habits right out the window. I know all about it, because it’s happened before!

So, how can you get it back? Baby steps! Remember?
• If you’ve stopped journaling your food – get back to it ASAP! Remember how it helped you learn good habits? And quickly! Get back to counting calories and fats and all. It’s easy and you actually liked it!!
• Take back your attitude about food. Keep asking yourself: is this worth it to me in the long run? Sometimes the answer will be yes, but often it will be no, and you’ll feel proud of yourself when you resist!
• And get moving again. You may not love it all the time, but it helps you so much!!
• Remember, you don’t have to make changes all at once. Gradually build in more healthy behaviors. But don’t wait for some mythical “better” time in the future. Take control now!
• Finally, go back to reading 3fc! You were inspired by those stories, and talking about your story helped keep you going too! There’s support there for you.

Remember your pledge to yourself: to be healthier at 50 than you were at 39 (or the fast approaching 40). That’s what’s important, not the taste of that food or the TV shows you're probably watching too much of.

And you can do it. I, more than anyone else, know you can!! It's easy: Eat Less. Move More.

Good luck!
Sincerely,
Your healthier and thinning past self.

phantastica
11-04-2005, 09:55 AM
Your body just went through an amazing, exhausting miracle - giving birth. When I had my son (15 years ago, so this might be outdated), they said it can take up to a full year for the body to heal completely from childbirth. I know that's not a free ticket to eat whatever you want, but try to keep in mind a portion of that weight is baby weight.

Also, you are in what is called the "baby blur" ... that happens for probably two years, where you are so busy taking care of the baby that you forgot that you have needs too. It's difficult to take time out to prepare a healthy meal when your bigger priority is in the other room crying, or getting into the garbage, or eating a morsel of who-knows-what on the floor, etc.

I'm sure it'll require some crafty planning (as does everything after the birth of a baby), but I know you can do it again! Personally, I had to line up every other area of my life in order to get myself in the mindset to lose (and I've only lost 15 pounds so far, so I'm not even going to pretend I know what I'm talking about).

I wish I had some more practical ideas about how to exercise with a baby. I can offer you support and words of encouragement, though! And almost reaching goal is phenomenal! You did it once, and you will do it again.

I'm off to write a Future Self letter! That's a good idea. I'm also going to write one for when I've reached goal. :)


ChocLabLover
11-04-2005, 09:59 AM
Gretchen, first of all here is a big :grouphug: Believe me, you are not alone in your struggles. Please remember that you have experienced a HUGE change in your life with having a baby. That will take some time to adjust to a new little person demanding your time 24/7. Just the fact that you are reaching out for help means you are on the right track to begin with instead of sliding further and trying to take back control. I think a lot of us have been struggling lately, maybe it is the weather, who knows. :shrug: How to get the motivation back or the drive? Breaking through the psychological barrier is tough. I would suggest taking it one step at time. Logically, of course you know what to eat and what not too eat, but sometimes the heart does not always agree with the head and throws a temper tantrum :tantrum: until you give it what it wants. It is tough to annoy the little :devil: voice that says "But it tastes so good!" You can do this! :cheer: Take it one step at time. Maybe in the beginning, just start by writing everything down and then gradually start to plan out you day, even if it is just one day at a time. I think once Carson is a little older, you will find that a little easier. Forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up about the past choices you have been making. Look at today as a brand new day, without any mistakes in it. Maybe set up just one goal to accomplish for the day, even something simple as I will drink 8 glasses of water today. By accomplishing the one goal a day, you can increase once you feel comfortable and get back into your groove. Cheers!

Heather
11-04-2005, 10:11 AM
phantastica -- A Reached Goal letter to my future self!! That's a great idea! If you're willing, I'd love to see it when you're done!

tolose85
11-04-2005, 10:12 AM
I just know that this isn't how I am. (well, it is but it isn't). My knees hurt, my rolls stick out, I find myself tugging at my shirts all the time, I WILL NOT wear anything to draw attention to me, my hair is always up, a quickie make-up job for work and that's it. I used to be so stylish, always with the hair and make-up, neat trendy clothes, and I felt PROUD! These days, I feel like such a dried up old lady. I need to try to find some time to focus on myslef but it is so hard. I work full time, I have adjusted my schedule and I work 6:30am to 3:00pm I commute an hour each way, I am leaving my home at 5:30 every morning which means I get up at 4:00am. When I get home (at 4:00pm) I pick up Carson, unload the diaper bag, repack it for the next day, take out the bottles, wash them, re-fill them, Feed Carson, give him a quick bath, change him into his PJ's get him down for a nap, make dinner, eat quickly, clean up the dishes, pick up all the stuff lying around from the night before, throw a load of laundry in and by this time it's 9:00 and time to feed Carson again. I feel SO guilty for not spending more time with Carson--I've tried so hard to incorporate some me time, but truthfully, I can't even squeeze it in. I am also making a career change, I actually have a 4th round interview with the VP and HR people on Monday-- the job will be much closer to home, potentially a little more demanding (Its a Branch Manager for a staffing company) a lot more $$ and more time at home (during my sons awake hours anyway). All around I think that move will be a much better one for our family. My husband will change shifts so that we can completely eliminate child care and I think that I will potentially find some time to get to Curves or something. I need to come up with a plan...........

AnnieFannie
11-04-2005, 10:53 AM
Sounds like you have a lot going on Gretchen. You just have to take one day at a time. I can relate to the working full-time and then coming home to having to everything. It's hard to do sometimes. And to find time for yourself.. well can be impossible. I hope you get the new job. I think it might help you feel more stettled. You will definitely be able to get in some me time.

wyllenn good idea with the letter to your future self. I might have to write one too. :)

barbygirl43
11-04-2005, 11:35 AM
When you had Carson you joined that new mama club. People don't talk about it much and I would say the majority of women who have a newborn (either through natural or adoption) will experience this. Before the baby came along you only had to focus on you (and Jeremy of course). But now that baby is here that focus shifts to him and your needs take a back seat. I'm not sure why this happens but it seems like no matter how hard you try to get yourself in the front seat you stay strapped in the back.

It's even harder for you because you have the been there done that t-shirt (that no longer fits) and now you can't get back there and it's like hitting your head against the wall.

Since I went through the same thing after having William, I'll give you a few tips on how you can get back on track.
1) Take a long walk one of these evenings, either with the baby or by yourself. It will not only get you back to exercising but will help you to get your head cleared and back on track.
2) Start making small changes. Eat a healthy breakfast, for one week. Prepare you a lunch the night before the next so you know you are getting a healthy meal. Then plan in a couple of healthy snacks.
3) Because it is so overwhelming right now trying to do it all again, give yourself permission to only do a couple of things right now. That was hard for me to do when I fell off the wagon. I was eating great, exercising well and then I stopped. When I tried to start again I would do well for a few days only to give up again because I couldn't do it. I finally had to tell myself that I'm actually starting over and if that means only working on 1-2 healthy meals a day and 15 minutes of exercise so be it. I'm working on it. I since added in eating 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snack and aiming for 1 hour of exercise a day 6x a week.

Because your main focal point in your life shifted from you to Carson, I can tell you that you will not be able to do the old plan you once did. Not right now anyway. I know that once you do start getting back on track the pieces will fall into place and it will get a lot easier to juggle baby/work/hubby/diet and exercise.

The other posters are right that it will take your body a good year to heal from having the baby.

I remember your fire and spunk and I know that once you are able to find it there will be not stopping you and that you will get this weight back off. There is no reason for you to hang your head and be ashamed of your food choices.

goalnorolls
11-04-2005, 11:55 AM
I too had a child - now 2 years ago- when I gave birth I was 50 lbs less than I am now. Now its only 30lbs more so I am making a difference. Being pregnant is hard on the body. Hormonally your body tells you things you need. So many times I've read where someone has gained 70 lbs.
You are in the right place. Just know that we've all done this. I know so many times in my recent life I have said 'If I had just stayed on plan on <insert any diet here> I wouldn't weight this much now' I think we all can relate to that.
You have reached a turning point now. You are wondering now how you can fix this and the truth is that you realize you aren't happy. I didn't realize it until I got to 280 lbs. What will be different when you lose weight? How will you feel? How is it going to change your life? use this as your focus. You want to feel better, be healthier, be active with your baby. You aren't doing this because your husband can't stand you or you think people are looking at you funny. Its all within you. You just have to draw from that.
I'm pretty new here but its tremendous to be able to come on and post my struggles and hear its not that bad or how about eating more veges, or drink more water. It helps so much!

lucky
11-04-2005, 11:56 AM
I can relate to how you are feeling. When the twins came along I thought I'd never get to catch my breath much less spend an hour at the gym every day. It will get easier though. As Carson gets older things will start to fall into place. In the meantime, don't try and make everything just so. I know this is hard for a lot of people (I really, really struggled with it) but the dishes in the sink will still be there tomorrow. And the stuff you pick up today will be strewn about again tomorrow. Now, I'm not saying learn to live with a filthy house. But, you have a new baby and it is perfectly okay to relax your standards a bit. If you want to spend more time with Carson (although I bet you are giving him more that enough attention but all new moms want to give their babies 24/7 and it just can't be done) something else will have to give. Everyone around you will understand. And if you need help ask for it. I know that when our first son was born I refused to accept help when it was offered and wouldn't ask for it no matter how overwhelmed I felt. I guess I felt like I should be able to do it all and thought I might be seen as a failure if I didn't. Don't fall into that trap because there isn't any need for it.

As for diet and exercise, do what you can when you can. There are lots of exercises that you can do with your baby - a quick google search will pull up all sorts of ideas. As for food you might consider taking a Saturday afternoon and cooking up a couple of batches of healthy meals for the freezer. I did this when my children were much younder and I still worked and it was a LIFESAVER. I didn't use them everyday but it was great having them there on those days when I just couldn't bring myself to cook.

I know it is easier said than done but make as much effort as you can not to lose yourself just because you've added "mommy" to your resume. You can find that proud woman you once were you just might have to slow down a bit to look for her.

SwimGirl
11-04-2005, 12:03 PM
I don't really have much advice to offer you, that hasn't been said... baby steps! (hmm...) However, I do want to let you know a LOT of people around me are finding they just CAN'T stop eating! Myself included, I thought it was just PMS, but my mom (thank goodness for her) found a lot of people she knows are having the same issue. Generally winter is a time for packing on the pounds, cooler temps, difference in sunlight are all factors. Also, You definitely have a heavy load, and I second Dawnyal, don't do it all.. start slowly. You WILL get there!

-Aimee

lessofsarahtolove
11-04-2005, 01:41 PM
Alright, Gretchengirl, my old friend -- it's you and me, babe. I didn't have a baby, and sure as heck don't have the time constraints you do with a new baby in the house -- but in some other ways we've shared a similar experience.

We were both doing beautifully last year -- we were virtually unstoppable. Remember our phone conversations about how we were doing and how determined we were? Then you had to go get yourself pregnant :lol: -- and I went and got myself cancer. These are the days of our lives :bubbles: .....it all goes into that "Life Happens" category, you know?

Well now here you are back where you started and struggling to find your mojo in the midst of all that you've got going on.....and I'm not quite back where I started, but I DID regain during chemo (I used to say about the steroids, "I'll kick your *** and THEN I'll take your food!" :s: ) and I am STILL not exercising regularly or making responsible food choices consistently -- and I'm looking around for MY mojo in the midst of struggling with a lingering premature (chemo-induced) menopause, diminished energy (they say it'll be a year) and Lorraine's struggle with Lyme Disease -- all while I'm working full time, too, with my own commute from ****. It's all just a freaking LOT, isn't it, Gretchen??? :dizzy:

So here's my proposition: We have a quick daily check-in with one another by phone during our commutes or whatever. Together we can formulate our plans [and it doesn't have to be all or nothing, Gretchen, REMEMBER that!!!] and check in with one another on how we're doing in meeting our commitments to ourselves. Maybe we don't check in on both weekend days, or maybe we do....whatever. We can talk about that.

I do know that while I just don't feel the passion I once did, I'm no less frustrated than you with my regression and regain. You know it's all a head thing -- you know that more than a lot of folks out there. My heart broke a little reading about your shame and diminished self-esteem. :cry: I can relate though -- I'm going through some of the same stuff -- although in some respects going through advanced cancer and hard-core chemo pushed me over a little on the "what the ****, it's my life, screw 'em" side. :lol: If it's any comfort to you, imagine having inch-long hair along with the returning extra chins!!! :o It's just a sad, sad, sad thing.... But life is just too, too short, and too much of a gift to squander with regrets and "if only's." You know? I think we both just need to start living the lives we feel we deserve TODAY -- and that means making the choices that we're proud of. Easier said than done, I know -- I'm right there with you, sister. But maybe we can help one another to remember our capabilities and priorities.

So I offer myself to you and hope you'll accept -- I think it would really help both of us. And if you don't feel like at this point a daily check-in is the right thing at the right time, NO WORRIES! Whatever you need, I'm here for you. I just dug out your 821 number, and I'm going to call you on my way home from work tonight. I'll also PM you my numbers and home and work email addies, so you can contact me as well whenever you get a moment to breathe.

Just know you're not alone, and that things absolutely will improve for you once you start to take some positive steps and see the first little bit of loss. (I'm saying that as much for my own benefit as for yours! :^: )

Hey, and good luck with that job as well!!! Sounds like you're doing GREAT with it, so keep the faith, girlfriend!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. :crossed:

:grouphug:

Inca's Momma
11-04-2005, 02:22 PM
Gretchen I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this. I too am almost back to where I started from. Two weeks after I had Ryan I was down a total of 54 pounds from the year before :carrot: I ate so healthy for him while I was pregnant, but since I had him I'm ashamed to say that I gained almost 35 pounds of that back. Everyone here had some great suggestions and I am going to try and incorporate some of them into my life too. If ya need to talk you know where to find me ;)

howie6267
11-04-2005, 02:40 PM
I'm so glad you posted Sarah. I was just writing to Gretchen on another thread telling her how much her post meant to me when I was starting. You were another one who I really enjoyed reading. You two together were such and inspiration to me.

I know where you both are right now and can relate so much. 14 years ago I lost almost 200 lbs and then when I broke my back(Gretchen got pregnant, Sarah got cancer life happens) I gained almost all of it back. It took me 12 years to get my mojo back. Don't let that happen to you guys. It's too easy to fall back into the old habits. I can tell you one thing. Once you get back on track you will be able to see where you went wrong and you won't be as likely to let it happen again. I know there is something about going though this twice that just opens your eyes to a new way of life.

Next thing is, GRETCHEN you are a beautiful person and are worth the effort to give this gift to yourself. So don't be down on yourself. We tend to think much worse of ourselves than anyone else does.

You both know what to do and Sarah has given a great plan to get you going. So take hold of her hand and use each other as a spring board to get this thing started again. This time next year you will be coming on here as a maintainer. I know you can do it.

boiaby
11-04-2005, 03:20 PM
Gretchen, Sarah, everyone... Its seems that when we start these life changing journeys, we can be so gung ho, take charge, ***-kicking and raring to go, so much so that the feelings can even last for an extended period of time, giving us a false sense of our new selves. But in all actuality, we as mortal human beings, cannot give it 110% with a big 'ol cheesy grins on our faces indefinitely, if we hope to succeed in this journey with honor and authenticity. I guess what I'm trying to say is, when the highs are so high, the inevitable lows are so damn low. So here you are now, completing another turn in the same viscous cycle, and absolutely loathing and blaming yourselves for what? Being human? Life happens, and it always has been, as it always will be your choice as to what you do with the curve balls as they are thrown to you. Yes, things have happened that you had absolutely no control over, so now you must learn to make the best out of what you have. It may sound simple, but what else can we do? And other things have happened that you've had complete control over, but for whatever reasons, you've made some not so great choices, as we all have and will continue to do. So what's my point? Just this; what's done is done, and the only one who can determine your future is you. So you're back to where you started, okay, now what? Keep kicking yourself for it? Or do something about it? The choice is yours.

I’m sorry if my words come across harsh in any way, which is certainly not my intention. My words simply come from a place of love and respect and complete understanding. And Gretchen, knowing you the way I do, I suspect a good ***-kicking is just the motivation you may need to rediscover that elusive mojo. To everyone who is struggling, just know that in one way or another, this really can be done. The power is in you, it always has been.

Beverly

tolose85
11-04-2005, 03:51 PM
I agree it's in me somewhere-- I just wish I could find the time to actually look for it. It's hard right now. I just needed to vent. I really think that its more complex than just letting the past go and moving on, especially juggling this crazy schedule I have right now. Ok so I'll figure it out. Thanks everyone.

Heather
11-04-2005, 11:16 PM
Wow! Gretchen, I know you posted looking for assistance, but I think *I* just had an epiphany while reading Sarah, Howie & Beverly's posts!!!!!

I mentioned before that I was leery of starting all this weight loss over, AGAIN, as I have gained after every loss before (though none of my losses were huge). Sure, this time feels different, many of us say that, but the spectre of gaining everything back and then some has been haunting me... I think about it all the time.

But somehow I realized that it's not something I should be scared of -- not because it can't or won't happen, but because if it happens it happens and I CAN STILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Weight loss may not be forever, but neither is the gain. Life may throw me a curve or 2, but I can get the mojo back if I want it. I guess that's obvious -- heck, I KNOW that's obvious -- but hearing from people who have done it, who are struggling to get back the mojo or who have it again... it makes it more real somehow.

So, Gretchen, thank you for being willing to share your own struggles with the rest of us. Reading about your situation is helping me to understand my own.

Similarly, Howie, I really appreciated your recent post where you shared your recent fast food dalliance.

I think this is why I keep reading here.

Stinger766
11-04-2005, 11:43 PM
Gretchen,

I'm not sure if you remember me but I was right there with you last year. I lost 96 lbs between Jan 12, 2004 and Nov 12, 2004 and now I've gained back 68.5 lbs. I know exactly how you feel. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out right now, finding it unbelievable that someone else feels the same feelings of shame, anger, disgust etc that I do.

I didn't have a baby last year but I am a single mom to a son, 3 1/2. I work full time and I understand exactly how little time there is in the day. I keep reminding myself though that I did my above weight loss after my son was born and he was more demanding then than he is now. I don't know what my problem is.

At the time I quit (and stopped posting here as well) I was a little freaked out that people kept mentioning my weight loss and I was a litle scared that things in my life were changing because of it. I think that and a few failed dating attempts have something to do with it. That's certainly no excuse for what I've done to my poor body but I believe those things to be my two biggest triggers.

I've been ashamed to post here and ashamed to need help in this situation. I'm a very independent person and it's hard for me to admit I need help but I REALLY REALLY do need help and support, especially from people who really understand what I'm going through. You and Sarah and Howie and everyone else as well were so supportive when I was coming here before. In a weird way I feel like I've let everyone else down (my friends, family, the people who supported me when I was here before). I feel like a huge failure and that makes it even harder to get back on track.

I'm sorry that this has turned into a post about me but I was just so relieved to be able to get it off my chest and hear that someone else was brave enough to say all the things I'm not.

I know you can do it. You've proven that in the past. As others have said, your life has made a huge change with the birth of your son. Posting here and getting your feelings out is the first step in getting back to where you were before. YOU CAN DO IT!

I look forward to seeing your future posts and I'll be right there too! I started again this past Monday and I'm in for the long haul too!

Talk to you soon

howie6267
11-04-2005, 11:50 PM
Good for you Ingrid. It's good to see you back posting. That is what is so great about this place. We are all the same. We share the same struggles, thoughts and habits. So we all know so much how one another feels. Therefore we can help each other out. It's not likely we will all be down at the same time. Lord help us if we are. LOL

lessofsarahtolove
11-05-2005, 12:19 AM
Gretchen first you said:

Enough is enough. I am so upset with myslef. Do you realize that this time last year, I was nearly at my goal? I don't quite know what happened. In actuality, I do know what happened. I got pregnant and gave myself the ticket to all food buffets. I cannot believe I let this happen to me. I feel so embarrased about my weight now, I feel so ugly and like everyone is laughing at me.. I am a failure at this. I tried once since I gave birth, to get back onto my plan. I couldn't. My time restraints are so pressing. I make sloppy food choices and totally wrong choices. I know better so why do I continue to choose the wrong path? I know what to do. I keep telling myself that I start again next week-- this is not a good sign. Food makes me so happy lately. My life has changed and I have this wonderful son. My home life is totally wonderful. I couldn't be happier with my new family. I don't know why I can't control my eating. I truly feel like a fat blob. I have nothing to wear, I am embarrased to eat infront of people because the selections I am making are terrible. Normally, I am a positive person, with an awesome outlook on life but lately, that person has escaped me. All of you who know me, KNOW this isn't who I used to be. I need some encouragement right about now. Help me get back on track please. I am so jealous of all of you who kept up with this I am also very proud. I just wish I could be a part of that group. Instead, I find myself back at square 1 starting all over again. I know once I get myself going, I will be ok. But to get myself going has become the real problem. I'd love your feedback. Help!!

Then you said:

I just know that this isn't how I am. (well, it is but it isn't). My knees hurt, my rolls stick out, I find myself tugging at my shirts all the time, I WILL NOT wear anything to draw attention to me, my hair is always up, a quickie make-up job for work and that's it. I used to be so stylish, always with the hair and make-up, neat trendy clothes, and I felt PROUD! These days, I feel like such a dried up old lady. I need to try to find some time to focus on myslef but it is so hard. I work full time, I have adjusted my schedule and I work 6:30am to 3:00pm I commute an hour each way, I am leaving my home at 5:30 every morning which means I get up at 4:00am. When I get home (at 4:00pm) I pick up Carson, unload the diaper bag, repack it for the next day, take out the bottles, wash them, re-fill them, Feed Carson, give him a quick bath, change him into his PJ's get him down for a nap, make dinner, eat quickly, clean up the dishes, pick up all the stuff lying around from the night before, throw a load of laundry in and by this time it's 9:00 and time to feed Carson again. I feel SO guilty for not spending more time with Carson--I've tried so hard to incorporate some me time, but truthfully, I can't even squeeze it in. I am also making a career change, I actually have a 4th round interview with the VP and HR people on Monday-- the job will be much closer to home, potentially a little more demanding (Its a Branch Manager for a staffing company) a lot more $$ and more time at home (during my sons awake hours anyway). All around I think that move will be a much better one for our family. My husband will change shifts so that we can completely eliminate child care and I think that I will potentially find some time to get to Curves or something. I need to come up with a plan...........

Sweetie, all due respect, but what I heard from you wasn't just venting but a cry for help. And in response to that cry came a wave of informed, loving response.

The thing is, that desire for help has to be a lasting one. In response to your call-out to the group, you've received an awful lot of really meaningful, substantial advice and feedback, and I hope that on any helpful level it's what you need and desire. Just remember to revisit it whenever you need that information or frame of reference or those resources to resurface.

We all love you and are here for you, whenever you are ready. Everybody has their "click" moment, and we're here for you whether you're in that moment or not. :goodvibes

The absolute, very, very best to you, Gretchengirl. :grouphug:

Jen
11-05-2005, 12:29 AM
Gretchen, I know where you are coming from. I have a 4 year old son. After he was born I was back down to my prepregnancy weight within 2 weeks and I was determined to lose more and get to my goal weight. I had a year off in maternity leave, you'd think I'd have plenty of time for exercise and healthy eating. My baby took up so much time and energy I just had none for myself. So at this point I am 23 lbs heavier than I was after I lost my "baby" weight. It is maddening that it has crept on over these 4 years and that I can't seem to gather myself together for anything that will help me lose weight. Between my son, my husband, my job, buying a new house (renovating the old house over the summer, selling it, the seach for the new house and the horrors of moving and settling in) I've just not been able to get it together. I think I am finally at point where things are settled and I can start planning what I am going to do.

Like Sarah said, we can do this together, we're kind of all in the same weight range, we just need to challenge each other. I'd be so grateful if you guys could help me out and we can support each other.

irishgreengables
11-05-2005, 01:12 AM
Oh Gretchen...the post-partum period is so demanding. Really, it took me until my youngest was 13 months old to get back on track (and I am a SAHM). I became a mother to 3 children in 11 months (2 by adoption, 1 by birth) and I still think your days sound much more stressful than my early days. You are working 2 full time jobs right now. Give yourself some props for being able to do SO much -- and STILL interview for a new position to boot! I am amazed.

You know, I second what the others have said about giving your body about a year to get back to some normalcy. Maybe this is a good situation where the scale needs to go and your focus needs to be just doing those things that will best nourish your body for all its competing demands -- getting enough sleep, getting some form of exercise (even if that means taking the stairs 2 more times a day or getting in a 20 minute walk at lunch), and eating healthy foods as much as possible. Maybe you could focus on just being healthy right now and wait until Carson is a year old to try and lose weight (although I am guessing a few small changes will cause some weight loss anyway). I know how hard it is to wait. With all that is happening when a baby comes along, you start to feel like a slouch all the time. I remember being so excited when I bought a new mascara and actually wore it when my youngest was like 11 months old. That was a huge step towards normalcy for me. Everyone else seems so glamourous compared to a new mom (in the new mom's eyes, I mean). It is tempting to want to speed up the process and try to get life back to normal. Trust me, at about a year, you discover a new normal and you can start focussing a bit more on YOU for a change (I SO love the idea of the book The Red Tent, a place for moms to go during menstruation and post-partum, surrounded by other moms, without other competing responsibilities. I also want to move to FInland where maternity leave is somewhere close to a year or 2 I believe).

That said, my 16 month old is now calling for some night mommying, so I had better sign off.

Baby steps Gretchen. Think healthy for now and work your way up to weight loss at/after about a year.

wip
11-05-2005, 01:26 AM
Gotta add my 2 cents as well. Like so many, I hear you. I lost 80 lbs by looking after ME about 8 years ago. Met my DH, weight creeping...1st baby (oops gained 30 that stayed on), 6 months later...pregnant again (no net gain) POST PARTUM DEPRESSION (50 lb gain ), a few losses and 4 years go by - -another pregnancy with gestational diabetes this time - looked after myself b/c the health of baby depended on it (net loss of 20 pounds from prepregnancy to 6 wks postpartum :carrot: ). Stayed home for 9 wonderful, crazy months and gained it all back plus some :o . Went back to my crazy full time senior manager job and tried to do it all, balance it all...:tired:

I guess we all have our own stories and my advice echoes others. (if I knew how to quote I would...) What I know: :soap:

- I want to be around for the long haul as a healthy active mommy and wife
- I want to be a good role model for my kids
- I want to find myself again (just started my first blog called "seeking sherri")
- I want to be comfortable in my skin, strong, and positive
- I NEED to make time for me again, without feeling guilty to live the lifestyle I know is the best thing for all of us
- I will succeed if I make small sustainable changes

So, I am more committed this time and more forgiving of my choices as I have gone from pregancy to pregnancy, gaining and losing over and over. This time is different. I know it. Yours will be too if you really want it to be. It just takes a lot of soul searching and strategizing. Put yourself first, even if it feel selfish. It really isn't. When I was struggling with PPD, I was in counseling (same issues re: self care). What the psychiatrist, who is a loving, wonderful woman, told me was that Mother Theresa used to instruct her followers that they must fill their own cups first, for if they didn't they would have nothing to offer others. I probably horribly misquoted her, but you get the idea. I'll quit blathering, hope it helps a little. (I think I helped myself decide to not raid the Hallowe'en candy :lol: ) As you know, there is great support and love here. Take in all in and gather your strength. You can do it! :goodvibes

dragonwoman64
11-05-2005, 03:43 PM
Everybody has their "click" moment, and we're here for you whether you're in that moment or not. :goodvibes
The absolute, very, very best to you, Gretchengirl. :grouphug:

When I first read this thread I wanted to post, but felt like I should hold off because I've never had kids. Really good posts from a lot of people here that I appreciated reading.

I just wanted to add, in the hopes it will help, this is the second time I'm going at this effort, in high school I lost 100 lbs. Losing weight takes a tremendous amount of effort, so you shouldn't beat yourself up that it may take you a little while to get back in the grove, especially with all that you have to take care of now.

I don't consider this second time to be the same as the first, because I've experienced and learned a tremendous amount in that period in between. The number on the scale doesn't mean I'm back to square one. I can't change the fact that I gained back the weight, it was completely due to my eating and not exercising. Every woman I've known that has had a baby has gained weight, biologically I think it would probably be even harmful not to.

I totally agree with what Sarah said above, I had to have a click moment. In your mind you know what you want, the planets are already lining up for you and you'll do what you need to do. Then you'll say to yourself (how many times have I said this to myself??), why did I make myself suffer so much over this? Sometimes the more we fight, the tighter the ropes get.

Sheila53
11-05-2005, 04:33 PM
I have nothing to offer that hasn't already been said, but I give you lots of :grouphug: and know that we'll always be here for you.

scale_challenged
11-05-2005, 05:01 PM
Im pretty new to the site and ive been reading this thread. Gotta say, alot of really heartfelt ideas expressed in a very loving way. I have nothing more really to add except to say, I also have been there....2 kids, demanding schedule...when am i supposed to take care of me? I think Dr. Phil says it all the time...if you dont take care of mom, who will take care of everyone else? You have to carve out time for yourself....and im not only talking exercise, but a bath or whatever makes you feel calm.

The other thing i do and im not sure of your personality, but i plan. I write it down. Most times i go off plan, but just the idea that i have one, makes me feel in control. I send well wishes to all you new mommies and others that are restarting. You did not fail...failing would mean that you quit and stopped trying. This is a mere setback. Keep plugging along...whether you gain 5 pounds or 50, keep plugging along.

Connie

lessofsarahtolove
11-05-2005, 07:39 PM
What a group of sweethearts here! I love us! :love:

Ok, so I've been thinking about you, Gretchen, and I feel like it's important to point out that you hit it last year like it was a full-time job. You were a woman crazed. You were, in your words, "On a mission." And you gave yourself very little leeway at all within the parameters of your plan, which was calorie-counting. As I recall, you rarely went over 800 calories, and once you started exercising regularly, you hit it hard and consistently, without increasing your calories much -- I think a LITTLE? :chin: That's how I remember it, anyway.

I guess what I'm saying here is that you DROVE yourself to achieve your results literally as fast as your body would allow, and you succeeded as a result of it. And you absolutely can succeed again, Grethen, but maybe you'll need to approach it differently this time. I wonder if maybe your difficulty in restarting isn't due in some part to your fear that you won't be as successful this time, or that you won't be able to toe that hard line you drew for yourself before. I know that I feel wierd coming here and not being one of the successful losers when I was before. And I'm going to do some thinking about the suggestion I just made to you within the context of my own experience, and see if maybe it might not apply to me.

I just know that you really held yourself to such a high standard last year, and you were rightfully very proud of your success and loved how positive the experience was for you. The landscape in your world is very, very different this year - as it is for me - and maybe your viewing the sustainability of your plan this time around through last year's lenses. :goodvibes

I believe that you can succeed again this time around, just maybe in a different way, and maybe at a different pace. Remember to be gentle with yourself, and treat yourself with kindness and as much wisdom as you can muster. Ok, my friend?

:grouphug:

Jen
11-05-2005, 11:33 PM
Connie - I totally agree with you about taking care of mom, the problem is that we need to get the rest of the family on board with that as well!

newfiedarling
11-07-2005, 11:06 AM
Gretchen, I've never had children so I can't offer you any type of advice when it comes to post pregnancy weight issues. I can help support you with a shoulder to cry on and words of encouragement. You can do this - you've done it before and you can do it again. When your click moment happens there'll be no holding you back. Until then I'd take the wonderful advice and start baby stepping your way back into it, so when your new click moment does happen you're already ahead of the game.

~Dee

alphabetsoup
11-08-2005, 01:51 AM
Oh Gretchen ~ I so understand. Having a newborn is just so all consuming. They have to be fed all the time, you are on THEIR schedule, baths, dressing them takes forever, the diaper changes that never seem to end (how can one tiny body create so much POOP!) - it's such a huge adjustment - the first baby is the WORST. It turns your life upside down. I got back to normal so much more quickly after #2. ;)

Don't beat yourself up about this. Your life has taken a major change recently - allow yourself to enjoy it. (Easier said than done, huh?) But, really - give yourself a pat on the back for keeping it together - holding down a full-time job, taking care of a family, being a new Mommy and keeping that babe happy and loved! You are doing great! The rest will come - it will! Make a healthy change here and there as you can - but don't spend this time, this PRECIOUS time with that new baby beating yourself up - it's not worth it and you don't deserve to treat yourself this way.

Good luck with the new job - it sounds like it would be a GREAT change!!! <fingers crossed>

(((HUGS))) I so understand!

tolose85
11-08-2005, 08:31 AM
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. There will come a time when I will focus on me and get this rolling again. However, right now is just not the time. While, I will continue to try and make the best choices possible, I just can't give it my all at this point. Im an all or nothing kind of girl-- I always have been I'm either full fledge or farthest from it. I'm working on changing that and trying to discover a happy-medium. My body won't be the same especially after a C-Section. I expeced to go right back down to size after having Carson, it just did not happen. I'm not a thin person by nature, I have to work on it, and I will. I need to get settled. Thanks to everyone for the caring supportive words, thoughts and ideas. It's really great to know how many of you care so much. WOW! I'll get through it with all of your help! :)

Charbar
11-08-2005, 11:48 AM
Gretchen!! Sweetie! I don't think that I have to tell you that I hear ya! I ask myself all the time - how can this sweet tiny little boy be so desrubtive in my life? The fact that you are having such a hard time focusing on yourself right now tells me how selfless you are and that Carson is lucky to have you as his Mom. Don't feel like you failed. You are a great mom and right now that's all that matters. Things will change when you are ready. Love yourself and love your family. Right now - that's enough :)

Hugs to you :grouphug:

Please.. when you have the time - just keep chatting here - we love and miss you!

tolose85
11-08-2005, 01:50 PM
Dana--- I so needed your comment. Thank you :) I do feel like a good Mom and when I'm with Carson, that's all that does matter. I know in time, everything will fall into place. I'm tired and I don't think I could take on any other challenges right now!