100 lb. Club - Does it ever end?

View Full Version : Does it ever end?

11-02-2005, 03:33 PM
I know the answer and it's no. I still battle with the old me. Monday night I was feeling down so what did I do. I headed to Wendy's for a triple cheeseburger and fries. Then to McDonald's for a Flurry. I almost had myself talked out of it but I just kept driving and ended up there anyway.

I just wish we could turn a switch off where that type of want would never happen again. I hate the thought of the constant battle the rest of my life. I guess that is my lot in life and I will have to bear it. I know I'm never turning back to what I was but it sure is hard to win the mind games.

I will say it has gotten easier. This battle does not occur as much but it does still happen at least a couple times a month.

11-02-2005, 03:43 PM
Yeah, that kind of stinks. The only way I quelled my appetite for McDonald's was quite accidental, actually ... I'd gotten a 3-day food poisoning bout from a luke-warm burger served to me there, and I haven't been able to eat their burgers since.

I'm glad you posted this, because I keep thinking once the weight is off it will be "over". I can re-frame this in my mind to be like a cigarette craving - it will always resurface, but the time between cravings will increase, and the intensity will lessen as time goes on.

11-02-2005, 03:51 PM
I wish it did end Howie! For the past couple of days I've been having thoughts of getting back into the old habits. I keep thinking "well, you've been good, on day won't be too bad", etc. The negative thoughts keep entering into my head and I know they will stay there.

As you might know, I had a severe problem with alcohol. Thoughts of going to the bar are still there as well and I haven't been inside of a bar for several months now. No matter what your addictions are, I think the thoughts will still be there from time to time (maybe they won't be as often, but they will still be there).

If there was a way to prevent those self-destructive thoughts I'd sure like to know!

11-02-2005, 03:55 PM
Howie, that's a battle we all face. At least for you, the recurrence has dwindled down considerably.

A few days ago, when I was upset about some things, I drove straight from class to Steak and Shake where I planned to get my old favorites (bacon steakburger, those lovely yet disgusting greasy little fries, and a huge strawberry shake). I had my own mini-drama in the parking lot in my car which ended with me not getting out, starting my car back up, and driving home where I cooked a healthy dinner for me and my sweetheart. I'd be lying if I said that everyday just about I have some urge or another. But I resist and press on...

11-02-2005, 03:57 PM
You all are not alone. I will get back on track and be going good for a while, then something will happen, and the old way of comforting myself takes over and it is a struggle to get back on track.

11-02-2005, 03:58 PM
Yep it would be nice if you could have that part of the brain removed.

Matt, which would you say was easier the alcohol or food addiction. I often think that food is harder because you can't give it up like you can alcohol and cigarettes. However I have never had to deal with those addictions. My dad had both alcohol and cigarettes addictions but did not have a problem with food. All and all I think I would take the food problem over the alcohol.

Good for you on staying out of the bars and keeping clean. That is a great accomplishment.

11-02-2005, 04:00 PM
I'd love to get that magic pill or silver bullet or whatever you want to call it. Unfortunately, I don't think it exists--dang! From what I hear from the Maintainers, it gets better, but never really goes away. Since we can't cut food out completely like you can other addictive substances, I guess we're stuck with just learning how to cope when we fall off the wagon, so to speak. I still self-medicate with food even after three years on this journey. And I still hate myself in the morning. However, I have noticed that I do it less and less, and I can get myself out of it after one day or even one really bad meal. That's progress!

Howie, when you feel a cheeseburger attack coming on, can you call Kimberley for support? I know--sometimes we just want it when we want it and we want it now and nobody is going to talk us out of it. For me, it's very childlike behavior.

11-02-2005, 04:02 PM
Oh, Howie....how I hear what you are saying.

You are probably aware that I, too, have been having a hard time lately.
Yesterday was my first day back on plan after over two weeks of nastiness.

You know you're not going back where you once were, and so do I....but it sure is hard sometimes. I also struggle with the idea that it will always be difficult.

I'm here for you...and know what you're going through :grouphug:


11-02-2005, 04:05 PM
I battle this all the time. Why do we have to battle it at all? Why can't it be re-learned or something. I remember you posting a ways back that you used to get 2 burgers and fries so you've made progress in only getting one meal. :)

11-02-2005, 04:08 PM
Seeing as I've given in to those cravings and have not been here in a while(even slinking back through replying rather then making my own post :o ),I can so relate...and really wish it wasn't as hard as it is.I want to win the battle of the bulge...but I sometimes wonder for how long I can continue,especially if I have to work so hard at it for the rest of my life.I'm not giving up though.

Now,I can't speak from experience for alcohol,but I know that for myself,starting a better way of eating is easier in the beginning then quitting smoking...but after a while,the cravings for wanting the bad foods and more of it are alot more stronger then my want for a cigarette.I'd still like one from time to time,but not nearly as badly as the want for food.

11-02-2005, 04:28 PM
I know the answer and it's no. I still battle with the old me. ..... I just wish we could turn a switch off where that type of want would never happen again. I hate the thought of the constant battle the rest of my life. I guess that is my lot in life and I will have to bear it. I know I'm never turning back to what I was but it sure is hard to win the mind games.

I will say it has gotten easier. This battle does not occur as much but it does still happen at least a couple times a month.

I hear you and you're not alone! I've been struggling with how I'm going to handle Thanksgiving: I love cooking all that good food, and then eating it. I don't love what it does to me. It is definitely a mind game, a mind game that gets especially tough when the stress level rises, and it has been a really tough year so far. I guess that's part of the reason we come here, to chat to people who understand and support us in the good fight.

Well, you can look back, Howie, and see what a fantastic job you've done, you and Kimberley. You two just look wonderful. I know it's aggravating and can get you down, but a slip up a month pales in comparison.

11-02-2005, 05:45 PM
Howie: Man oh man, do I ever relate!

Our addiction is the worst kind--we can't stop eating! Alcoholics can put down the bottle, smokers can lay down the ciggies, but we still have to eat to live.

It sucks. BUT....we do our best, forgive ourselves when we go astray, then get back on track. And we work hard to figure out what it is that makes us stray in the first place---NOT an easy task.

Thanks for bringing this up!

11-02-2005, 06:26 PM
I completely agree - quitting smoking was much, much easier for me than losing weight has been. Quitting smoking, for me, meant little more than running out of smokes one night, knowing there would be cravings, and never doing it again. It's been four smoke-free years, but I also packed on about 50 pounds. On to the next challenge, huh!?

ScarlettDrawl - awesome ending to your story! The next time I find myself in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, I am going to tell myself that a mini-drama in the parking lot is better than a bacon double cheeseburger and fries on the hips!

11-02-2005, 09:16 PM
Thanks for all the kind replies. It helps having all of you here.

Sheila in answer to the question can I call Kimberley? Yes I probably could but she has been struggling lately also and it might turn into both of us going off. I don't want to do that to her. Even so I just did not want to call her at the time. I wanted the food and was not going to call. Oh cheeseburger why ya gotta taste so good. :burger:

The last two burgers that I had were not even that good but man this one just hit the spot. Guess I had to keep trying. Oh well it's in the past and that is where it will stay. The battle goes on.

Linda I did know you have been having struggles lately. I noticed many have said they are having a hard time lately. That is one reason why I posted this. We need to know there are others going though the same thing and how hard it is. But we have support here and it helps. Thanks for you post.

11-02-2005, 09:20 PM
Oh Howie.. it's like how you lose so much you should get a free mental food pass. Is this how drug addicts feel? The worst part is.. if you didn't tell us - we wouldn't know. You can cheat- even a little cheat - or a one day bender and everyone says.. oh it's okay. But if where drugs it would be different. ...

So the sad news you are telling us.. is that this battle is NEVER going to end? sad :(

11-02-2005, 09:25 PM
Yep it's strange to think of it that way but your right. A drug addict would be really looked down on by some if they failed but with food it's just food. So there is not as much condemnation.

As far as the battle ending. I don't see that happening sorry to say. I can say that it is well worth the fight though. It still amazes me how my body feels and looks. I will fight the rest of my life to keep thin if that is what it takes. I don't want to go back to the way I felt.

11-02-2005, 09:27 PM
Good for you Howie.. sounds like you have the right attitude. Maybe as dieters should we accept slip ups.. just as part of life? The important thing is that we get back on the horse? Food is not a drug for us.. more like a nasty mother in law? ;)

11-02-2005, 11:16 PM
Well, Howie, in case you haven't figured it out yet I thought I would throw out just one more, "you aren't alone." I have reached my initial goal of 135. I have not struggled much lately but I certainly have in the past and I most definately expect to again. I will say that the more weight I lose the harder it is when I lose a battle with food. At the begining of my program there just wasn't much at stake. But now, when I give in and overeat not only do I feel physically ill but I am also overcome by fear. In the bottom of my heart I know this is it for me. I am manageing my weight and refuse to let myself fall back into my old lifestyle in spite of the occasional slip up. Still, every indulgence is a reminder that I could end up right back where I started. And that scares the stew out of me.

I try to keep everything in perspective. One meal is a drop in the bucket compared to the thousands of others I'll eat for the rest of my life. Like you, I've had to accept that there is not an on /off switch and so I'm stuck with being hyper aware of my food choices from here on out. It isn't a perfect situation but it is far better than living a life of obesity again.

11-02-2005, 11:17 PM
Addictions, no matter to what are evil creatures. My hubby quit drinking 9 years ago, 3 months before he met me. I truly admire him for staying sober. Wouldn't say he is an alcoholic, but certainly a serious problem drinker. The smell actually makes him ill these days. So, good for you Matt. I know 'second hand" how destructive it can be. Shannon- I can't believe how strong and committed you are. WTG!!!
Howie, hang in there. You've come SO far. We all have a lot to learn from you.

Have any of you watched "supersize me"? Friends who have say it made them believe they will never again eat fast food. Having said that, they already have pretty healthy habits. Its on my "to watch list" though.

11-03-2005, 12:01 AM
Still, every indulgence is a reminder that I could end up right back where I started. And that scares the stew out of me.

OMG, this scares me everyday!! I have lost before, only to gain it back and more. The thought of going back to my SW again makes me shudder.... and I'm only 40 pounds away from my it -- I hope to get a long way further

And yet, we'd be foolish not to think about it. I don't know what the actual stats are on what % of people gain weight back, but I'm willing to bet it's really high! Just look at how people disappear from this board... some return, but many don't, and a lot of those who don't come back gained some or all of the weight back. I only have to look at my own past to see how.

So on the one hand, one bad meal is only one bad meal, and one bad day is only one bad day... they won't hurt us in the long run. Very true. But are we all scared that it ISN'T just one meal? I know that's my fear.

Right now I'm running with the notion that this IS for life, and therefore slipups are okay, but that this IS for life, and big slipups cannot therefore be everyday occurances.

I think some "neverfats" worry about this too... but I wonder how frequently??

11-03-2005, 09:11 AM
Howie, not to sound redundant but it will be a struggle for the rest of our lives. We can not "quit" cold turkey, unfortunately. I think the difference for everyone on the forum, is that they (we) are all reaching out for help, whereas before (at least) I have would struggle alone, only to allow the weight to gain back (and then some). :o You do you best, and some days you win and some days you lose, but with self awareness, in the end you will win the war. Let's gor for it everyone!!! :high: :cheer: :cheer:

11-03-2005, 09:38 AM
Howie i have to say our eating habits seem to be very similar, my weekness is the wendy's tripple burger combo.. Just reading that you had one makes me want it more - what a crazy fight.

11-03-2005, 12:59 PM
Sherri I have watched it and am going to get the DVD so I can show others. It is a great movie to watch. It did help me to stay away from fast food for the most part but when you got that battle going on in your mind on the way to the drive thru your not thinking to much about anything else.

Sorry for the food porn Nash. That is why I hate to tell Kimberley when I have eaten something bad. I know it can trigger the same reaction in her. So I usally wait until the next day. Funny pizza is my favorite food but burgers are my biggest comfort food. I'm glad it's not pizza because I can still enjoy it without going crazy.

11-03-2005, 03:21 PM
Have any of you watched "supersize me"? Friends who have say it made them believe they will never again eat fast food. Having said that, they already have pretty healthy habits. Its on my "to watch list" though.

I highly recommmend Super Size Me to anybody whose eaten at a fast-food restaurant! My teenaged son watched it in his high-school health class, and now he understands why I discourage him from eating there. Health issues aside, there are plenty of social and economic reasons not to eat fast food. It didn't change my eating habits drastically and immediately, but it added to the repertoire of knowledge I have about the industry. I also recommend reading Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060938455/qid=1131045273/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-6147861-3483054?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) by Eric Schlosser and Fat Land : How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0618380604/ref=pd_sim_b_4/103-6147861-3483054?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance) by Greg Critser. Between these three sources of media, I've gotten to the point where, when I eat fast food, I feel exploited. That puts a damper on enjoying a juicy burger.

11-03-2005, 03:41 PM
I also recommend reading Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal by Eric Schlosser.

I found this book to be very disturbing and very eye-opening, too. If anyone out there wants to read Fast Food Nation, I'd be happy to drop my copy in the mail for the promise of its eventual return and/or future as a book to be passed on to the next person who wants to read it.

Ah, topic: I quit smoking two years ago and the days and weeks immediately following my last cigarette were much harder than the first days and weeks of my new healthy lifeplan. Now, I don't ever think of cigarettes (except to be bothered by them), but food is always there, sometimes as a pleasure, sometimes as a struggle. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that changing one's poor eating habits permanently requires the sort of intestinal fortitude, grace and determination that it takes to give up heroin.

Goddess Jessica
11-03-2005, 05:44 PM
LOL - Howie, can I tell you that even though I can totally sympathize with your struggle, I naughtily enjoyed your food porn? I'm imagining that food right now. God, it's good. I might need a cigarette after this! ;)

11-04-2005, 02:07 AM
I just saw this thread. *Sigh* I hear you, lover-friend of mine.

It is so discouraging sometimes, isn't it? I get so tired of having to watch ever little calorie and account for it, while some around me can eat just terribly and suffer no consequences (no readily obvious consequences, anyway).

But then I think of how far we've come, not just in losing weight, but in gaining understanding. I also am dreadfully fearful of gaining it back -- it's just somewhere I cannot go.

11-04-2005, 08:52 AM
BELIVE ME-- Its no fun to let go and give in. I did this with my pregnancy and I can't seem to get back on track yet. I've gained all my loss back and I feel disgusting, and really angry with myself. I know in my heart, that I will eventually get back on the right track but, I let meyself go. After all that hard work and only being 8 lbs away from my ultimate goal--- this time last year. I could cry all day long. BUT I know that eventually, I'll get my act together and get with the program. You DON'T want to feel this way. You are so much better off staying on track-- and one bad meal wont hurt-- as long as one bad meal doesn't turn into 50 bad meals etc. ... Howie, you and kIm are such inspirations. Keep up the good work.

11-04-2005, 02:03 PM
You can do it Gretchen. I know exactly what you are going though. I've been there too. You will find your niche again just keep trying. I miss seeing you around here. The place is not the same. You added so much to the site. You are one of the people that really helped me get going and I thank you for that. I always looked forward to your inspirational post.

Kimberley, we have each other so I know we are not going to let each other gain this weight back. So don't worry this feeling will get better and we will make it together.

11-04-2005, 06:35 PM
Thanks everybody for your posts. It takes courage to just let it hang out there. I remember reading about a series of research studies that said the two hardest addictions to quit are food and cigarettes. They rated both of these as more difficult than heroin or alcohol !!!


11-04-2005, 11:25 PM
Hi Howie.

Your post actually made me cry. Like everyone else here I understand exactly what you're going through. Please, please, please remember how great of a job you're doing and don't let yourself be derailed or discouraged. I can't imagine that anyone here deserve more respect or support than you for what you've done for yourself and for all the support I continually see you giving everyone else.

I wish you much continued success.

11-04-2005, 11:31 PM
Thanks Ingrid. I'm not letting it derail me. Just wanted to share and vent. Thanks for you kind words.

11-05-2005, 02:54 AM
This topic really made me think. This past week I've been eating a lot of chocolate and chips and it is almost like an automatic impulse to reach for this stuff when I'm not even hungry. I know a lot of it is boredom and other emotional eating so that is what I have to learn to cope with. However I need to develop something that is going to stop me before I even reach for that chocolate, something that say "hey, you don't need that, you are just bored, get out of the house and take a walk" but that little voice is drowning in a sea of fat and just can't be heard! :D I really and truly hope that this won't be a battle I'll be fighting forever. My sincere hope is that when I learn to cope with whatever emotional baggage keeps me fat that I won't have the impulse to reach for chocolate or other fattening foods, that I'll eat when I am hungry and I'll have the intelligence to pick healthy food.

11-05-2005, 03:09 AM
Jen, I can tell you this: If you can free your house of the chocolate chips and chips, it'll make it easier to hear the good voices. LOL I went through the same thing with ice cream about a week ago. Of course, if others in your household eat that stuff and aren't on plan with ya, I know that can be difficult.

So, if that's the case, shout like a crazy woman: "NOOOPE! Not gonna go there, chips! I'm taking a walk!". ;)

11-05-2005, 06:28 AM
generally I've kept our house free of a lot of stuff like chips, chocolate and cookies but with Halloween and this gift basket I just can't keep my little paws out of the goodies!

11-05-2005, 10:04 AM
Congratulations, I just saw the pictures on Gardenwifes blog.... You and the wife did an awesome, inspiring job..... and I whine about my 60 lb I need to lose.... God Bless you on your weight loss journey... India

11-05-2005, 03:47 PM
Thank you! Your encouragement means so much. This site is the best. :)

11-05-2005, 04:25 PM
LOL - Howie, can I tell you that even though I can totally sympathize with your struggle, I naughtily enjoyed your food porn? I'm imagining that food right now. God, it's good. I might need a cigarette after this! ;)

you food slut! LOL You almost made me pee my pants! :rofl:

You guys all rock. What you all say is incrediable - when I read these message I yell at my screen "yeah yeah - that's what I was thinking!"

11-05-2005, 06:28 PM
Jessica, I completely missed your comment until Dana quoted it -- we posted at the same time. You slay me!

It's funny, the other night we were watching some show and one of the people was smoking. At that moment, I vividly remembered the sensation of drawing smoke into my lungs, felt the tickle, and for that moment I thought a cigarette sounded good.

Now, I have to tell you, I have not smoked since 1984; I really hate being around smoke now because it messes with my sinuses and sometimes gives me a headache. But some old neural pathway sparked and for a split second, I thought one sounded great. The mind does funky things sometimes!

I guess my point is, the thoughts can pop out of nowhere, years later. I've heard it said that it's not a sin for the birds of temptation to land on your head, but you'd darned sure not let them build a nest there. ;)

11-07-2005, 04:41 AM
I'm sorry you had a bad day - I, too, am such an emotional eater. When upset, I just think <insert bad food porn here> sounds SO good! If I have a hard day with my kiddos - I think, "Hey! I deserve this!" Bad food makes me feel goooood. <sigh>

It'll always be there - I still haven't quite come to terms with that, even though, in the back of my mind, I know that losing weight isn't a cure-all to all my food issues. :( I just wish that working so hard and losing weight would free me of my "food" prison.

Gretchen ~ I'm so sorry you are struggling! I've BTDT! Pregnancy and the hormones associated with it, really screw with your body. You'll get back to it - remember, your body is still adjusting...I have read that it can take up to 6 months for you to completely heal. PLUS - I know you had a bit of a traumatic experience - I did too with both my kids and it really affects you. (((HUGS))) Hang in there!

11-07-2005, 10:38 AM
Howie, I first read your post last week but wanted to think about it for a little while before I responded. I thought about it all weekend - does it really end? I'm not sure if it really will for me. My biggest problem was lack of exercise, portion size sure didn't help either, but mainly it was the lack of exercise.

I thought about that for a long time. Am I going to continue this exercise program that I'm on now for the rest of my life? Well, the thing is I don't like to exercise at all. Sure I feel good when I'm finished, but I hate it while I'm doing it and I dread heading down in my basement for another run on the treadmill. It's easier now and I have more stamina, but I still hate it.

Right how I have a goal, and that goal is to lose weight. That's what keeps me going - keeps me putting one foot right in front of the other and finish my time on the treadmill or another lap around the pool. Once I've reached my goal will I be able to continue on with this or will I give it up? Surely if I give it up I'll be right back to where I started in the matter of a year. What will be my motivator then? How am I going to maintain this forever? It's quite a scary thought. I still don't have any of the answers that I thought I would come to after contemplating this for a while.

I'm sorry that you had a rough time of it last week but I want to say thank you for making me think about this. I still have a lot to figure out.


11-08-2005, 02:51 PM
What a great thread.

I agree completely with everyone, it will never end. I think we will always have a love affair with food, at least in our minds. It's a realtionship that many of us have been involved in very heavily for years. When we break it off and start to get healthy, that's all we are focused on, but when it starts to get routine, the love of that food and the void it filled comes lurking back. It's like an old love that you keep bumping into. But as you guys said, a bad choice is just one bad choice and it's really the next choice that matters. Howie, I know you and Kimberly will be successful and meet your final goal.

11-10-2005, 10:42 AM
I find it a comfort to know that I am not the only one that has this struggle, I can tell you that when I give into the need for Mc D's, now that I am trying to make healthier choices, I will get a cheese burger happy meal instead of a larger meal.