Weight Loss Surgery - My decision....Got to the gate and pulled out




charlene1970
10-12-2005, 09:10 AM
Well I went through all the test and paid my fee. Got insurance approval and ultimately the date 3 days prior I decided I am not doing it. Beside being scared of the unknown, My husband made me do some serious soul searching.He took me out to my last supper if you will. He voiced his concerned. He said he knew surgery would be a breeze but what kind of life would it be afterward? He had done more reading and was worried about the calcium loss and ulitmate teeth loss. The pills need to substain nutrients. The complications which could happen anytime after surgery even years down the line. Then He asked me seriously,honestly if I was doing it for health reasons. Honestly I want to be skinny. I want to wear a size 10. Ok my feet hurt and my knees but thats it, I do have gerd but not bad. So I guess my decsion to have surgery was based on vanity. Shame on me. I know people need it. I support all who do..


I am disappointed in my self. I felt stupid afterwards. All I put myself and family and hubby through. I told various family members all who have said they would support me and the overwhelming reponse was Thank God. MY mom says..I love you the way you are. My very supportive mother in law offered to pay for me to go to Jenny Craig , Um I dont think so but thanks. And my husband. ;)
Just replied. I love you for you. Not the number on a scale. Didnt you know that? Well Damnit no I guess I didnt.... why couldnt you say that when I began this journey, why can't you say that all the time? He apologized and said he thought I knew. He wanted me to make the decision and he wanted to support what would make me happy.

Can I say honestly that I happy with my decision. Yes...Cuttung my stomach to lose 70 lbs was NOT the right way to go. Am I happy weighing over 200lbs NO I am not. I am still vain. But that is normal.

I guess what I am try to Ultimately put out there is....If you are not more than 150 lbs over weight do some soul searching. The whole surgery thing is very scary and shouldnt be taken lightly.

Love Char


Jen415
10-12-2005, 10:01 AM
Don't be disappointed or feel stupid. You needed to go through this process to get the truth out of the people who love you. BE thankful you didn't go through it and THEN find it all out. This was the best decision for YOU. Nothing else matters.

So...now what? What is your plan to get healthy?

Remember what Glenda the Good Witch said to Dorothy: "You had the power within you all along" ? I believe that about you.

jiffypop
10-12-2005, 12:38 PM
Charlene - i hope that every single person lurking around this forum, as well as every member of 3fc reads your post. EVERY weight loss plan - including surgery - requires lifelong commitment, but the stakes are higher if people who've had surgery slack off. WLS is a last resort, and cannot just be for 'vanity' [although the definition of vanity is different for everyone and i'm not here to judge].

the changes that we need to make in order to make the most out of the surgery, and to live a healthy life afterwards, are the same ones that everyone else needs to make in order to control their weight.

soooo, here's to a NEW YOU. plan for something healthy in your life. work on being balanced and happy. and you're ALWAYS welcome to hang out with us...

<hi pookarella - how are you feeling?????>


Leenie
10-12-2005, 02:15 PM
Great post !!! :)

MrsJim
10-12-2005, 02:25 PM
Hi Char,

Don't feel silly or stupid. I agree 100% that surgery would not be a good choice for someone who only has 70 lbs to lose. Especially if that person is in good health. Also I do not know how many times you have tried to lose.

I also agree that if you do not have ANY HEALTH issues you should have 2nd thoughts before doing the surgery.

I can't speak for other forums or other websites, but I know that this 3FC WLS forum NEVER EVER tries to talk anyone into getting the surgery. If anything the folks who frequent this forum always encourage newbies to do a lot of research before making any decisions. I think this forum is also very good at giving a BALANCED picture. We point out both the CONS as well as the PROS of the various surgeries.

Some other forums give such a rosy picture and only talk about the PROS of WLS and never the cons. That always irks me. I would never try to influence anyone to get the surgery, I would not want to have that responsibility if they were not happy in the end.

If anything I go too far the OTHER way and I keep asking if they honestly tried dieting and tried it MANY times.

Having said all that I am still glad I had the WLS. I had a heck of a lot more than 70 lbs to lose. I had many HEALTH problems and I had tried dieting & exercising COUNTLESS times and OVER 20 years. So no regrets here. If anything I wish I had done it many years earlier.

The one thing I feel a bit bad about is that I sometimes sense some "anger" from the people who are against WLS towards the folks who had it. I only agree with the anger when I see the folks who had the surgery and then do NOTHING healthy afterwards. They do not exercise or eat healthy. Yes that gets me angry, especially since they seem to be the ones that always wind up on TV :tantrum: But I am here to tell you that there are MANY folks who had WLS who do exercise and who do watch what they eat carefully. Folks like Jiffy and Chickadee and Janet and My4Monkeys and many others here are always trying our best to find a HEALTHY path after WLS.

Char, I wish you lots of luck in your new dieting & exercise program. I hope your husband gives you lots of support and walks the walk.. :goodluck: --Pookie

Pookie...

AWESOME POST!!!

That's all I have to say...you beautifully summed it up in a nutshell! :cool:

funniegrrl
10-12-2005, 02:55 PM
Yes, I agree, there is no reason for you to feel embarrassed or anything else about going through the process, because it taught you a lot, didn't it? Anything that is a learning process is not wasted.

As for Jenny Craig ... not sure why you seem sarcastically against it, but just so you know, I've lost 172 pounds on the program. It may not be right for you, but it IS a good program and I've been very happy with my experience.

Whatever you choose to do, best of luck. I think you are strong and smart to back out of something you realized wasn't right, than to go through with it because of expectations. Sometimes that's the hardest thing of all to do.

phantastica
10-12-2005, 03:57 PM
Wow, that is a great story, Charlene. Thank you for sharing it.

It seems like the WLS is becoming overprescribed ... much like prozac or ritalin. I don't know much about it, except I've seen some phenomenal results and a few nightmare exceptions to the rule. I do agree that soul searching and asking yourself (and answering) some tough questions would be the right way to go.

charlene1970
10-12-2005, 10:30 PM
I really want to stress thats not that I am Anti surgery that is not the case....I do believe peolpe honestly NEED WLS. I researched and know sooooo much and I aint kidding.

Its just that I was caught up in the glamour of it all....Like all I could see were the after pictures. I WANTEDto be the after Picture SOOOOO bad. I havent been in the onderlands in 11 years. In those 11 years I have been on Countless diets. I also have been a faithful gym goer.
So guess I also thought why cant it be me... I have worked so hard.

The other site I was frequenting was all of a sudden seeming like peer pressure. Does that make sense? I just wish so many people didnt consider it as a fix all...It is hard work. But as I said before alot of peolple only see the after picture to be a success. And how come no one come out and says yeah it was horrible I gained weight back and now I have health issues...Well I guess no one wants to brag about that.

I was considered as a lightweight. Hello if I am a lightweight, shouldnt I have been persueded to give a conventional lifestlye another shot? My surgeons office was so nice to me. Then when I called to cancel. I was spoken to rudely. Made me realize what a big business it really is.

As for the Jenny Craig thin I wasnt critcizing JC at all. The sarcasim was directed to my MIL. Like she has a fix all in her pocket for every situation. Know what I mean.???

Just want to repeat I dont want to come off like I am anti surgery...I am not. I am PROUD of the courage and dedication to the people who have been able to use their tool and make their WLS a success. I am really sincere about that.

Good luck to all and Thank you for just being here. I think support is part of the battle and if you have it ...IT makes your problems seem smaller Oh and in my case my waist line too,I hope .

Ps....
Please forgive any typos or mis spelled words. Although I have a college degree and am well educated I cant type to save my life!!!

janet_921
10-12-2005, 10:56 PM
I probably shouldnt be writting any of this tonight...this has not been a good "sharing" day with anyone but, last May 26th I had gastric bypass. Im 5'3" and at the time I weighted 248 lbs..to some thats not alot but..to me it was horrible. My knees and back and hips hurt constantly...I was taking one step at a time cause of the pain. I had sleep apnea, my asthma was very bad, and I truly believed that if I had to stay at that weight...then for me and only me..I would have preferred to die. My doc and I did everything we could to get me to lose weight..and nothing worked long term. Sure I would lose some..only to gain it back in time..I had a gym membership, I walked all the time, worked out all the time and did not lose weight. Also, I had high blood pressure and a screwed up thyroid. So we decided that I would have the surgery.,,and I told my husband, if I dont make it that it was Gods' will and it was totally my decision to have the surgery...that no one could talk me out of it or into it. As far as pills go,...I have all of my life taken lotsss of vitamins..so that was not any kind of problem for me.
Now, today, I have lost 75 lbs ..and NOTHING hurts..I feel better today then I ever did and looked soo much better also but truly that is secondary.
The drawbacks are...when my husband and I go to dinner, no matter what the cost of the dinner I still can eat only about a $1.00 worth of food, the rest of the time..while he is eating I am just enjoying the time with him and the time out. But, a year and 1/2 later that is my only problem, not being able to eat like I could....THANK GOD!!!!
I give Char alot of credit for changing her mind at the last moment. Most ppl by then will do it because they dont want to upset the apple cart. This surgery isnt for anyone..it does take alot of thought..and soul searching..There are alot of cons..though for me...the pros outweight the cons....the fat I was carrying was going to kill me...this I know. My blood pressure kept going higher and higher..Someday Char you might change your mind...who knows..but in the meantime..I sincerely wish you the very best of luck with your weight loss program, you might be one of the lucky ones and do it the 'old fashion way'. Believe me, this is not the easy way either as so many ppl like to think.
Ohh btw....Im 63 yrs old...
Janet

jiffypop
10-12-2005, 11:09 PM
charlene - you've raised some excellent points. there are a couple of people around here who HAVE gained lots of weight back. and you're also right that many people who either didn't lose as much as they wanted or who are gaining or who are unhappy or whatever don't post much. and that's a real shame. we ALL need support, no matter what road we've chosen.

everyone wants to be the AFTER picture, but it takes work, no matter what.

ya done good, char. don't look back. go become your after pic!!!

THE BIG ORANGE BABE
10-30-2005, 05:15 PM
Charlene,

I used to pop in here now and then to say hi to the old gang and in doing so today, I take it by your post that you've decided not to have surgery. I had my stomach stapled in 1981 when there wasn't any support, teaching, etc...My weight stayed off (123 lbs) for about 5yrs, and then slowly
it started creeping back. I don't tell you this because I want to scare you, but to let you know that it's OK to decide what you've decided to do. I've toyed around with a revision for a while now and I've decided NOT to do it.
In my case, there is too much scar tissue and it would be another open surgery. I've recently been diagnosed with diabetes (I've dreaded that one and avoided it for 53yrs) and I'm concentrating on eating the right things and the right portions. This will hopefully get me on the track of losing this spare tire that I've got![/i]

Only you wil know the right thing to do..Believe in yourself! Know that everyone on this entire board is behind you and will support you. GOOD LUCK!!

POOKIE...YOU LOOK GREAT IN YOUR PICTURE.....HOW'S THE REST OF YOU????
I know that looks great too....CONGRATS on what you've done!!!


HEY JIFFY.....where's PEACHIE????? Tell her hello for me...It's been quite a while since I've popped in on y'all! Hope everything is well with both of you!


BOB

iwasskinnyonce
11-29-2005, 11:28 AM
Char....I think you made the RIGHT decision, and furthermore, I think that you can LOSE this weight naturally...I know many people who had surgery and one women I know has a protein absortion problem now and all her hair fell out, she wears a wig. For 70 pounds I don't think the benefit outweigh the risks in your case, it is a VERY serious surgery, no walk in the park, maybe you ought to consider the lapband procedure, it is less expensive and less invasive, less health complications and you loose weight slower and it can be reversed!

christineu
11-29-2005, 02:33 PM
I personally cannot have the surgery due to other health issues- I hang out here because my GI issues are somewhat similar to what people experience post WLS. Even before I developed this GI problem, I never really considered WLS as an option even though I had 100+ pounds to lose- but I was in my 20's and otherwise fairly healthy. I don't know what I would do if it was an option now that I'm at my highest weight and need to lose 150 pounds, so there is no way I can judge what makes one person decide to do it and another not to do it. The one thing I do know, both my personal experience with other types of surgeries and having been a medical case manager, is that our society wants quick fixes. Too many people see any surgery as a quick fix- a short cut to their goal. They do not realize that the few hours you spend in an operating room is only a very tiny part of the whole process. The rest of the healing & recovery is up to you, whether its endless physical therapy after a shoulder surgery or eating properly after WLS.

No surgery is without risk- I am still paying the price for an injury indirectly caused by a knee surgery 17 years ago. Additional, not all problems are fixable by surgery. Since I walk with a cane because of my knee, I often get the comments about how I should get my knee replaced and be done with it, as if that would fix everything. Yes, a knee replacement might help with the pain from the arthritis in my kneecap, but it will do nothing for the damage to the muscles, nerves & support structure around my knee- let alone the imbalances its caused in my hip, back & rest of my body. That would be like expecting WLS to mean you never had to think about food again- that you would automatically pick only the right foods & never be tempted by chocolate.

And then there are the people who think if they have whatever procedure or surgery, that their life will be perfect when they don't have to deal with X-issue anymore. Having realistic goals going into surgery are more important then even the skill of your surgeon in the long run. I think we all know people who had WLS without really considering the long term consequence- if you have no will power & no desire to treat your body with the respect it deserves now, its not like the doctor is going to magically turn on your will power during the surgery- all he is going to do is give you part of the tools to hopefully make it a little easier for you.

I love how the wonderful group of ladies (and men, though I don't think I've seen any yet)- they support people in any part of the WLS process & have been very helpful to me, even though I am not 'one of them'. I do have to say, that some WLS support groups can start to be almost 'cult-like'- either you are one of them or are going to become one of them and there are no other options. Its sad that the doctors office treated you the way it did when you called to cancel; but it was better you found out now then after you had the surgery. You made the correct decision for you at this point in your life- its not saying that you will never consider WLS again if you need to, but you are doing what is right for you & your family. Hopefully you have found some sort of plan you can stick to on your weight loss journey and maybe this whole experience was what you needed to motivate you- who knows!