100 lb. Club - I need advice

View Full Version : I need advice

09-14-2005, 12:55 AM
Ok here I am getting closer to being in the 100's. I don't know why but the closer I get the more I don't want to be there! I mean I really do but I find I hold myself back. I have no idea why I'm pulling back. Has anyone had this problem. Last time I was very close 203. I know for a fact I got cold feet and gained. I've been doing alot of thinking and I can't come up with why I do that to myself. I guess for some reason I'm scared. I think I should try and stay away from the scale now but I know I won't. Sorry if this is confusing I'm once again think typing.

09-14-2005, 01:27 AM
I did the exact same thing. I was once at 137 (with a goal of 135) down from an all time high of 233. After that weigh in I didn't weigh in for months and when I did I was in the 160's. Fast forward a year later and I'm up at 214. Like you, I have struggled with a reason that I did this to myself. :?: :?: It's very frustrating. I haven't been sexually abused, have had great friends, good boyfriends and relationships for the most part, and have a great family. So I really have no concrete reason to be scared of this success. None of the things that you hear about contributing to a fear of thinness apply. What if you concentrated on times a week you workout/stick to eating plan instead of weight until you're over this hump? If you find what works, please share! I definately don't want to see this weight for a third time. :o

09-14-2005, 02:10 AM
Many struggle with this, myself included. The only suggestion I have is to get the book "Changing for Good" by Prochaska and have a read through it. There are sections based on relapse and sections based on meeting goals.

Good luck with your struggle, you are not alone here. Keep working at getting yourself healthy and maybe measure your success by how your clothes fit and leave the scale alone for awhile. To your health....

09-14-2005, 05:29 AM
I don't have any good advice b/c I think I'm doing the same thing right now. I've gotten stuck at this EXACT same place before - several times! 277!!??! WHY that weight? I don't even know - it's so ridiculous. I'm clueless

I'll just offer (((HUGS)))) and let me know if you figure it all out.

09-14-2005, 09:20 AM
Hello. I don't have an real good advice because I've only tried to lose weight one other time and only relapsed because I started a new relationship and lost focus. A reason I would maybe be scared to get below 200 or reach my goal weight would be the fear of gaining back or once you get there and don't have any weight to lose, what is there to work on? Also, it can be scary because what if when you reach your goal, you're still not completely happy with yourself? Those are all reasons I am trying to be happy with who I am now so that weight loss is really just for health reasons and I am not a number... Don't know if that helps at all but that's my two cents. ;)

09-14-2005, 09:32 AM
I have had the same experience myself several times over my life. I have gotten to (or very close) to my goal weight, and then stopped all the good habits and relapsed into the bad habits. This may sound stupid, but in my mind at the time was the following reoccurring thought: "Well, I am thin now, so I can eat whatever I want", which of course was a bad way of thinking.

I also think that I sabotaged myself, because as I got closer to goal, everything that I thought was going to happen to me when I got thin (popularity (high school), the guy I had a crush on would drop to his kness and ask me to marry him ;), Harrison Ford would realize I am his soulmate :lol3: ).

Seriously though, when I got to goal and nothing "magical" happened :wizard: I was a little disappointed. I am not saying my thinking was logical or was correct, but that was my feeling at the time. Now that I finally recognize what is going on, I can change my thinking and not do the self sabotaging that I have done in the past.

09-14-2005, 09:41 AM
Hi Mez - sorry I don't have any real advice for you on this one. You've gotten some good feedback already and I'm sure the ladies and gents on this board will more than help you shed a little light.

I do want to say that I don't think you should let all the hard work you've done so far slide away. I'd certainly take the time to examine your thoughts and try to figure this thing out so you can continue moving forward.


09-14-2005, 10:53 AM

I don't have the magic answer to why we do this to ourselves, either, but I just went through something very similar. It took me literally two months to get from 168 to 165, because I knew that was the 100 pound mark. It's not something I did on purpose (at least consciously), but I know something was going on mentally that kept me from hitting that goal. But then, once I hit it, it didn't feel like anything had changed at all.

My advice is just to keep on doin' what you're doing. If it takes a little longer to hit your goal because of "head stuff," so be it. I think you'll see, too, that it's truly a head thing and nothing really will change once you hit that point.

In my experience, weight loss is probably 75% just keeping on, even when you don't feel like it. It breaks my heart when people stop when it gets rough, because I just want to tell them -- keep plugging away, and you *will* get there. And then it will seem like no time at all.

You're doing fantastic. Keep up the good work!

09-14-2005, 11:32 AM
My feeling is it could be an emotional response to entering unfamiliar territory (for those who've been large all their life and are nervous about the idea of adjusting to a new persona), or, for those who became overweight later in life, relating being thin to unhappy experiences. In my case, I did not become dangerously overweight until I was at a point in my life where I was fairly stress-free and relaxed. While being obese and unhealthy wasn't my idea of true happiness, I still tend to equate being thin with certain times in my life that were painful (miserable marriage, nasty divorce, financial woes, my daughter's crippling illness and so on). While I know its an unreasonable fear, it is a mental block I struggle with. By chance can you relate to that, Mez?

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and hope you can figure out what's happening and come to terms with it so you can continue successfully on your journey. :)

09-14-2005, 11:39 AM
I went through the same thing at around 145 or so. At the time my goal weight was 135 and I was inching closer to it. Nothing in particular caused it. Like happydaisy, I don't have any reason for my weight issues. I've struggled with depression and self esteem issues just like most people but I've never had reason to believe that I couldn't accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

I came to the conclusion (after the fact, BTW) that it wasn't one big issue stopping me but probably a lot of little ones that were difficult to identify. I am sure I was somewhat afraid of the unknown, a little nervous that I'd get there and it wouldn't be enough, worried that people's expectations of me would change, concerned about the budget I'd need to replace my old clothes, thoughts of not being able to maintain the weight....and probably 1000's of other worry wart type thoughts. And, honestly, I was probably a little tired of the effort my new "lifestyle" was taking. I knew I wanted to reach my goal but I was bored of what I was doing but without the energy to figure out what to do instead. Also, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes when the "new" of something wears off I start creating obstacles for no good reason. Maybe subconciously I think it will keep things interesting - I don't know.

I did exactly what Jennifer suggested. I just kept plugging along. I did change up my exercise routine and started adding some new foods here and there too. That helped keep me focused since I actually had to think again about what I was doing. I did a little clothes shopping (I don't even remember if I bought anything) and that helped keep me going because the smaller sizes helped me to see the difference all of my work had made.

I sincerely think this is one of those things that will pass as long as you recongnize that it is happening - and obviously you have. Personally, I wouldn't try to over think it too much. Just acknowledging that it is happening might be enough to keep doing what you know must in order to keep losing.

09-14-2005, 03:15 PM
I love all the awesome insight into what is a truly puzzling quandary. What if, subconsciously, you're thinking that if you never actually make it to Onederland, then you won't have to be accountable to yourself to remain there? You know, like you can't ever be a failure if you never really succeed? I dunno, but it's an interesting mental block, worth researching further. Let us know if you experience any "ah ha" moments about it, I'd love to get your take on it if you're able to uncover your own reasons behind the feelings.


09-14-2005, 03:39 PM
I've never got anywhere near to a "goal weight", I've never had a goal weight, but at about 210 I started to get scared and wonder where I was going. For me it was fear of the unknown mainly. Also I'm not a particularly sexual person, and I've never been interested in appearances or image, so I started to scare myself with the potential power of my body if it wasn't hidden behind pounds and pounds of fat. I'd never had to deal with unwanted attention or anything like that, and didn't know whether I'd be able to deal with it if I got thin. It was the shift from thinking of myself in purely mind/intellectual terms to realising that I have a body, and that a certain degree of power and vulnerability comes along with that.

Finally, the other thing was the fear of doing this every day for the rest of my life. I worked through it, just keeping on doing what I was doing and I realised that wasn't such a bad thing, but the realisation that I'd have to keep doing this indefinitely really worried me for a while.

09-14-2005, 04:30 PM
Hugs To Everyone!!! :grouphug: Thanks so so much for your insight! I thought I was the only one that has ever felt that way. I worried there was something wrong with me because I DO want to be in the 100's So SOOOOOO BAD and here I am worried, scared and I have no idea what else my subconscious is doing to me. :devil:
You know it wasn't till last night that I realized that it was ME not any problem or family member that stopped ME from getting to 100's it was Me ME ME!
1st I was mad at myself then I kept trying to think why? Geez you must be weird and all those other things we say to ourselves.

So this is what I have decided. (I still haven't put my finger on the WHY) but I going to get to onelander. Every time I have that funny feeling I'm going to think something positive! I know I have a fight ahead of me but I'm strong and I know I'm not alone with this. Humm I guess I am kind of normal. :)
Rolling up my sleeves to kick some subconscious butt!!! :sumo:

09-14-2005, 05:38 PM
thats so weird. i have/had this too. i had no idea until the scale said 199.8. we just went camping for 3 days with 8 of the 11 kids. i decided to just eat what they were having to make things easier. i was right at 200 and instead of being excited that onederland was coming i was happy to stay or even gain a bit. i was too busy to think about it much. yesterday I made it to Onederland. my dh was more excited than me. I just felt odd. Maybe I'm afraid. I'm not sure.

But you aren't alone thats for sure! I think you have the right idea, just think of something positive. Oh and thanks for bringing this up as I was feeling like I had to be the only one lol

Catherine mom to 11
mabear's homepage (http://www.plomp.com/mabear)
http://www.3fatchicks.com/weight-tracker/img/bar007/chick01/lb/272/155/199/ (http://www.3fatchicks.com/weight-tracker/index.php)

09-15-2005, 12:43 AM
Hey a friend (thanks Red) gave me some wonderful links to what maybe the problem. I found them extreamly interesting and helpful! I'm also going to Post them in a new thread so others hopefully get an insite to what maybe happening.


09-15-2005, 01:08 AM
Couldn't read any of those, Mez...they all said they were moved or unavailable!

They look very interesting, though.
I just made it to onederland five pounds ago, and low and behold...we may have something here! It's so weird. I just got out of a plateau that began right when I hit 199. I don't know how to explain how I feel either, exactly. It's almost like the weak person inside me is going..."Come on, you DID it...199 isn't so bad is it?Lets stay here for a while"...
And then there are twinges of all the changes to come, and even though they're wonderful changes and I really do want them...I'm still really scared!
I don't know, it must be some kind of metamorphic psychosis....:lol:
So much joy...and also so much soul searching and healing, which can be scary and painful.

This must (or should be!) a documented phenomenon,
Up for a study anyone? :lol:

Just wanted to say....add me to the list!

09-15-2005, 10:18 AM
I'm going to try those links again-




Ok sorry here they are again.

09-15-2005, 11:41 AM
Thank you so much for posting this. (I had planned on responding yesterday but got a massive migraine and was lucky to just concentrate on work.) I haven't checked out your links yet either although I plan on after typing this.

I think we each have one of those numbers that are more mental challenges to us. I've seen many on here hurdle right over their numbers and make it to goal while others (like me) make it to their number only to backslide back down for whatever reason. I think beverly is probably right and it's a fear of failure. My number was 252 (the highest I had ever been at one point while I had always maintained between 220-230 in college). I got down to 250 in March and have pretty much spun out of control ever since, gaining 20 pounds back.

It's like I told myself I could maintain at 250 for a while, get used to living there and then move on. Well I moved on all right but not in the direction I wanted to go. I'm sure that when I get back down to 250 (and I WILL), my next weight hurdle for me to overcome will be 225 (what I maintained in college) and then probably 195 (what I weighed graduating high school) followed by 175 (what I weighed starting my senior year in high school). Those are my numbers as I'm sure all of y'all will have different number hurdles.

It's all in how we handle our hurdles. Do we jump over them and keep on heading to the next one, do we stumble a bit and gain our footing before heading to the next one, do we fall down and stay down for a while before heading to the next one or do we just give up and head home, not worrying about any more hurdles?

I know for me I fell down and stayed down and was well on my way to heading home. It's time for me to regroup, replan my steps to get over that hurdle so I can jump over it with flying colors and head to the next one.

09-16-2005, 09:28 AM
Dawnyal, you hit the nail on the head! It is a hurlle and WE will win! I like the way you look at it!

09-17-2005, 11:42 AM
GOOD articles. I thought the first one was the best - great insight and I could really relate to it. 6 years ago, I joined WW and lost 38 pounds - getting down to 198...and then I gained it all back (plus more after having kids) - this explains SO much. I knew I felt that way, but to see it in print, really helps.

The quiz on the last link says I'm "OK" - :lol: That's a first! ;) :p