[AmmiUK]

Hi All,

I went to see a counselor today, it was my first time there and I feel like it was a total waste of time. I just sat there for an hour talking about all the bad things in my life, and that was it. Wasn't there supposed to be more? Where was the counseling? If anything I felt worse leaving there than when I turned up. I just wanted to go pig out. Thankfully I didn't. But if this is all that counseling is about then I can't see how it will help at all. I have to go back in a week, and if it's just like it was today I won't be going back again.

Does anybody have anything good to say about counseling?

Hugs,

Ammi

[MTHead]

When I saw a therapist, we talked more about why I felt the way I did, and tried some exercises to change my thinking. Some people, I guess, just feel the need to vent, but I needed strategies, too, and I made it clear from the get-go that that was what I expected. I read a lot of books the therapist had in her office, and we discussed them. I don't see her anymore, but my anger and anxiety are pretty much under control, or at least I can deal with them more constructively.

It could be that since it was your first visit, the counselor just wanted to hear your issues as you see them, and hopefull next week you will get more out of it. If not, I'd try another therapist. I went through 2 before I found the best - the third time was the charm. It was frustrating until that point, though.

[Leenie]

I wish I could give you some good advice or words to help you along. I still haven't found a good councelor. The one I went to told me to join WW. When I said I was doing Low Carb she talked negative about it and said her mother was on WW and I should try that. AND not to have trigger foods in the house (DUH). Then the next week I went she told me I should try a Low Carb diet. I just shook my head and said, were'nt you listening to anything I was saying these past few weeks. I never went back. Then I had another doctor ask me more questions about my sex life IN FRONT OF MY DD who was 3 years old at the time (I had to bring her with me, I had no one to watch her at the time). I told him it was none of his business!!!! After a few months of his nonsense, I quit him too. SIGH

Don't give up. Its never easy spilling your guts out to a total stranger. It takes more than one visit for them to know you and you to know them. Hopefully you have a really good listener that can help you soon.

HANG IN THERE !!!!!

[AmmiUK]

Thank you both for your replies, I appreciate your input. I don't think I can ask to change my counsellor, she's just the one I have to see provided by the NHS. She seemed nice enough, and I hope that you are right that at my second session she may start offering some advice or do something more than just sit there and listen. I don't need her to be a shoulder to cry on, I can talk to friends about how I am feeling. So I need more than somebody just to talk to. I think that if I do have another hour of just talking to her and she wants me to make another appointment I will ask her where it is all leading to. If I am not happy with her reply then I will just stop seeing her.

I will let you know how I get on next week.

Hugs,

Ammi

[marbleflys]

When I started seeing a psych. it was a last ditch effort.....but I had to do something as I wasn't able to cope with several adverse events (called reactive depression). I had to call my insurance co. for pre-cert. myself. They gave me a list of names of psych. who accepted my insurance. I did some phone work and found someone who sounded OK, and they were located down the street from my office (parking is a big issue around here, there is none).

My first visit was kind of a mutual interview...she asked me at the end if I thought she could help me and did I WANT to come back for a second visit....I did (although I was dragged in kicking and screaming resisting to help myself for 6 months). I lucked out and although it took a lot for me to open up and see myself, 2 years later I'm making better choices, am off anti-depressants, have self-esteem and am recovering from major depression (the reactive escalated) and self-medicating. I still shake my head at my past behavior, but I don't beat myself up about it. (the Forest Gump approach).

Sometimes you have to try different doctors, it's not one size fits all.

[LovesBassets]

Hi Ammi,

I agree 100% with what everyone has said about the fact that this was only your first session. Hang in there! Give it a few tries, at least. S/he needs to get to know you before s/he can be of any help to you. The first few sessions will probably be a lot of talking on your part, because the counselor needs to get a real sense of what your *biggest* issues are.

So my advice is to stick with it for a bit -- think of it as a great opportunity to do nothing but talk about yourself! How often do we have a captive audience who just sits there while we talk about ourselves!?

If after a few sessions you feel that this counselor isn't for you, check with your GP and see if the NHS will give you a referal to a different one. Please don't give up just yet! Therapy/counseling is just like anything new in life...you have to let yourself get comfortable with the experience. Therapy has changed my life. I could go into the whys and hows, etc., but I won't. I just know that if I'd given up on therapy early on (when I wanted to), I wouldn't be who I am today. And I like who I am today -- which is something I never thought was possible.

Good luck.

[carla49]

I found it very helpful to talk to a therapist, but I was kind of in shock following a relationship breakdown. Without her I think I would have gone insane. (By chance, she specialised in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with the military personnel...) Well, actually, I guess I did go a little insane. But like Marble, I don't beat myself up for my behaviour at the time.

My therapist mainly let me do the talking, but would ask me questions. Once I got home I would think about her questions, and sometimes a little light would go on and I'd be able to rethink my way of seeing things. The idea was that I should find my own answers, she was there as a guide. She did give me some advice from time to time, but mainly along the lines of thinking about this or that other way of seeing something.

It did help: I was able to stop blaming myself for someone else's stupid, hurtful choices. And it was great for me to have some one I trusted enough to say what I was really thinking, even if it was totally humiliating.

It is a good idea to ask her how she works; my therapist explained there are different approaches that work for different people, and she would be glad to help me find someone else if I wasn't satisfied. Of course I did pay the thousands of dollars 18 months of therapy cost... (She actually gave me a bulk rate after a while.) Worth every penny. Don't give up too soon!

[AmmiUK]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me, I am glad that counseling has helped you. My depression is reactive, stemming from my first surgery, but I know there is a lot of other stuff in my life that I need to talk about and look at differently if possible. I will definitely take your advice and give counseling a fair shot, and I won't be close minded about it. I really hope it will help me, I want to come off the meds and I want to feel good about my life.

Thanks again,

Hugs,

Ammi

[LovesBassets]

I'm thrilled to hear it, sweetie! By the way, I was in Wales about 2 weeks ago. Up north, though. On Anglesey.

[AmmiUK]

Oh what were you doing in Wales, work or pleasure? I love Swansea, it's a very pretty place, of course it's not Australia, but it could be worse, lol.

Hugs,

Ammi

[LovesBassets]

I lived in Derbyshire for awhile, and the people I lived with (my best friend and her boyfriend) have a caravan. It's on Anglesey this summer. So it was a holiday, not business. I love Wales -- especially Snowdonia and (I have NO idea how to spell this, so I'm going to do it phonetically) the Phlin Peninsula. That's...ah...also in north Wales, if you can figure out what I mean by "Phlin." I have a friend who lives in Nefin (<--- ALSO not spelled right). I think I can spell "Bets-Swy-Coyd" right, though. Maybe . I like it there, too. And Canarvon (ack, misspelled again.) I'm going to give up now, and just say "I love Cymru."

[AmmiUK]

That's cool, my hubby used to live in Staffordshire, Burton on Trent.

Not being native to Wales I am pretty much in the same boat as you when it comes to spelling the welsh names lol, but don't worry I know where you were talking about. I have been to North Wales once, and I loved Caernarfon, it has the best castle.

I am glad you had such a lovely holiday, any plans on visiting again?

Hugs,

Ammi

[carla49]

Hey Bassetts, my father was born in Derbyshire, in a little town called Pilsley. Ever heard of it? He ended up posted to Moose Jaw in Canada during WW2, and fell for my mother, a seductive older woman. (She was 26, he was 20.) So he ended up getting Canadian citizenship as a Canadian war bride!

[kittie]

The only thing I can say is that well sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. But if you find the right therapist then it usually helps. Thats the biggest thing is finding one with good qualifications, and that has experience with the issues you are facing. Don't be afraid to tell him or her that you were kind of expecting more.

[liz321]

I am a huge believer in therapy........I have been on both sides........therapist and patient. Lots of times it is about finding the right "fit".........the bottom line is everyone can benefit from therapy..........no one is exempt........we all have issues, from our past or present and lots of times we have things to learn about ourselves........the best way to fight depression is medication plus therapy. The summer before my son died I was having chest pain/panic attacks, was drinking (not falling down drunk, but to take the edge off), and using work as an escape........I went on paxil for six months and went for therapy...it gave me the tools I needed to "survive" my sons death one year later.........I am sure I would have ended up on a psych ward otherwise....I don't know how to explain it but we all have ways we have learned to cope through our lives........avoiding, eating, drugs, alcohol, passive aggressiveness and other personality disorder traits........we are human.......life is a journey, a process and nobody has it totally together......therapists don't do the work, we do through reading, digging deep, and taking responsibility for our physical and emotional health.....what a therapist says and does is actually such a very small part.......it is what we are willing to say and do.

I hope this helps......life is difficult and once we accept that we can move ahead to do what we need to keep doing to find joy, peace and contentment......self help books, mixed in with fun stuff, practising skills whenever given the opportunity and realizing that it isn't going to be easy is a beginning.

Hugs to you and thanks for sharing........I look forward to getting to know you better and with the support of you and others here continuing on my journey......it is a long long road......

Peace.................Liz