Weight Loss Support - Don't know how to dress myself anymore




CoolMom75
06-28-2005, 02:33 AM
I hardly shop for myself, and now that I'm officially out of the bigger sizes, I'm feeling lost in the department store. I never was a suave dresser, but I can't seem to break out of jeans and t-shirt mode.

At Meir & Frank tonight, I found myself wandering toward the "woman's" sizes. I know they are too big. And the smaller sizes always seem to have a size 2 right in front. That makes me walk away, certain my size won't look good.

I'm 15 pounds from my goal, and I still imagine myself to be chubby. Does anyone else have a hard time dressing themselves?? I don't know what to wear anymore.

This might be because I have two small children at home, and have no life(??). Feeling a little whiny tonight. :(


kykaree
06-28-2005, 02:39 AM
Do any of your stores have free personal shoppers? Some of ours do, and that's what I am planning to do, once I get smaller and out of the big sizes (bring it on!!!!!!!), to learn what suits me.

I think seeing yourself as big is an ongoing issue for a lot of people. I know one of the maintainers, Meg (you'll notice her avatar picture where is standing in one leg of her big lady trousers) still sees herself as obese, in her head.

Experiment, go into clothes shops and try stuff on just for fun, even things you would never wear in a million years, and enjoy your new figure, and I am sooooooo envious and can't wait to join you in the "normal" side of the store!!! LOL

KTna
06-28-2005, 10:55 AM
I am in the exact same place, I bring in sizes to the dressing room thinking they will NEVER fit, and most of the time they do. But when I put on clothes I see myself the way I always have, I see the flaws, I do not see any progress, the sizes are smaller - but not in my head.

I think for me it is a major body image problem, I don't think I see what is really there. I keep thinking the next size down and I will look good, that has happened twice, and still I have the same mental problem.

I don't think a personal shopper would be able to help me, because it is in my head I think. But that is a great idea to find things that look great on you. One thing that I have found makes it worse is wearing the old clothes, the ones that are too big, it makes you look so bad.

Yesterday I tried on some capris in an 8 (YAY THEY FIT) that are the same as the 14s that I have been wearing. I decided that I don't like the way they fit now, even in the proper size, so I have to keep looking for the right cut for me new size.

Do you find that shopping is at least more enjoyable for you? I sometimes think that it is, but sometimes I feel like people are judging me still, or looking at the size I have in my hand and thinking "yeah, right". But really that is what my inner voice is saying, not the other people.

Good luck, and have fun trying new things.


HoosierHeather
06-28-2005, 11:06 AM
CoolMom,

First, congratulations on 40lb weight loss! Wow.

I don't really have any good advice for you, because I have the opposite problem. Until a couple of years ago, I was always very thin, and having to shop in the "women's" departments has been a huge adjustment to me. I still think I should be able to pick up a size 8 or 10 from the "normal" rack and it'll look great in the dressing room... then I am devastated when I can't pull the pants up past my knees. :( I should know better, but in our minds, it's like we have a permanent mental picture of ourselves, no matter what the reality is.

Do you have a friend who can go with you? Someone who will be honest about what does & doesn't look good on you? I think that would help a lot.

sherpamelissa
06-28-2005, 11:26 AM
I would try Old Navy. The clothes are fairly cheap compared to a lot of other stores. They are also very trendy, so I think it will help you look more stylish. The clearance racks there are normally filled with bargains.

haleys
06-28-2005, 11:36 AM
watch oprah! seriously, she has those makeovers all the time and the women they make over really loook good. you can't really ever go wrong with a knee length skirt, and most stores now carry cute knee length skirts. if you pair it with a cute matching top, you're set. you've lost 40 pounds, show it off in more fitted clothing (not too tight--which can be unappealing on everyone) but fitted to your body.

Knitting_a_Conundrum
06-28-2005, 11:43 AM
Oh, what wonderful problems losing weight gives us. :D You might also start reading mags like In Style and Lucky to get ideas about what to wear.

Lots of fashion places on the internet, too, where you can windowshop. Here are a couple of index sites I go to just to look while I am getting reoriented myself (just hitting size 16, which opens all sorts of doors.)

http://www.onlineclothingstores.com/Womensclothing.htm

http://nickscape.net/womens_fashions.htm

Both sites have links to a wide variety of internet stores, most run by major companies...it's a way of getting an idea of what you like without the intimidation of dealing with all those tiny sizes. :dizzy: Before I started looking, I didn't even know where the cut off on sizes were for a lot of these places.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/weight-tracker/img/bar-blue2/button-blue/lb/252/125/215/.png (http://www.3fatchicks.com/weight-tracker/index.php)

almostheaven
06-28-2005, 11:44 AM
I would take several sizes of the same item to the dressing room until I finally got used to being able to pick the correct size pretty much the first time. I spend hours in a dressing room trying on and choosing or discarding items. I can try on 50 pieces of clothing and buy 3. LOL

Knitting_a_Conundrum
06-28-2005, 11:54 AM
That's what I did over the weekend...went shopping mostly to see what size I can fit in now...and found myself buying a pair of jeans in a size 18 (my last pair were a size 24)...when I tried on the 20 and saw that they were too big I was so happy....and the 18 is only tight (snug, not too tight to wear) across my abdomen (apple shape at work. If I had the waist I ought to, I would be in a 14/16).

I didn't go there to really buy clothes, but it made me so happy, I bought'em!

paperclippy
06-28-2005, 12:01 PM
Another thing you might want to take a look at is TLC's What Not To Wear. If you google it, they have a message board on their website with all sorts of advice. You can also look through recaps of the episodes, where they summarize the "rules" for what sort of clothes look good. They have lots of different body types on the show, so there is a good chance someone who looks like you got made over by them!

CoolMom75
06-28-2005, 02:40 PM
Wow! 3FC is the greatest! So much great advice here. :thanks:

I am going to check out the TLC site, and maybe talk my sister into going shopping with me. I do need to just grab a bunch of sizes, and dive in.


KTna....I can totally relate to hoping I look better at the "next size down," probably because its true :lol: , but it is frustruating that we can't be happy with ourselves in the mean time. (and dress appropriately!) It seems I'm always dressing too baggy or too small, wearing the old size, or planning ahead for the next. ;)

aphil
06-28-2005, 04:36 PM
I think you are just going to need some time to lose your "fat" mentality. It takes a while. :) I still see my old size 20 khaki pants wearing body-even though I now wear a 14 pants, and even a 12 in tops.
If you are not a "trendsetter" type of dresser, and are into more comfortable clothing rather than fashion clothing-I would suggest looking in sporting goods type stores, or the exercise clothing section at places like Target. (They have cute Mossimo stuff) You may find that rather than a plain old t-shirt and jeans, that you would look good in (and be comfortable to boot) in a pair of athletic styled pants, maybe with a matching tank. They have some really cute ones that color coordinate, and you could use them for running errands and working out, but look a little more "pulled together".
If you love jeans-you can easily make jeans look nicer as well. Nix the regular styled t-shirt for a more stylish "fitted" t-shirt and wear some cute flip flop sandals with them (Target/Wal-Mart/Payless/Old Navy have them cheap in a zillion colors) that match. Very comfortable, but cuter than a baggier regular styled tee.
Another way to mke jeans look better is with black. Wear a nice black top with them, and a nice pair of black dressier sandals or slides and you will look great.

MorticiaAddams
06-28-2005, 04:58 PM
Going thru that myself.
Ive been heavy all my life and had the thinking that Im in these sizes and thats that.
Now that I lost some weight. I still cant get those sizes out of my head.
And the last time I bought some pants I was wearing a size 32 and could never shop at the store I worked at. And a co worker suggested a smaller size to try on I was like theres no way im getting even my thighs into those.
And when I did I was in total shock. I fit into a size 21. We have a few off sizes there so im getting close to a 20.
I still after putting on those jeans can not see myself as being smaller. I still see myself and feel like im that 32.
It will take some time. And I can say that no matter how many people stop me and say whow what are you doing ? I still feel like what im not doing nothing. Until they ask me about my weight loss.
I never thought this mental image of myself would stay with me for this long. Its strange. my husband thinks that im even smaller then when I met him and I really dont think so.
Some things still need a lot of work. I guess I keep thinking im bigger than I am so I can talk myself out of something when I want it.
Like wanting a pizza or some chips or something. I kind of tell myself that Im in no shape for those and all that other stuff.
Guess I do it to myself. I never stopped to think about it unitl now but its me of course. Telling myself these things, I should have known better.

CoolMom75
06-28-2005, 08:34 PM
I think you're right Aphil. It probably doesn't help, that my body still looks saggy baggy in the mirror (still not swim suit material). I'm hoping it will start to tighten a little more.

Morticia...I see you're almost to your birthday goal. Way to go! :)

carla49
06-29-2005, 12:33 AM
The last time I lost weight I realized that I had unrealistic expectations about what the loss would mean. Even though I was quite slim, my basic body shape (apple) had of course not changed, and I still couldn't wear the trendy clothes I wanted. I had to be realistic and find styles that worked with my imperfect, yet quite attractive new figure. (And then of course life intervened, and now I wish I could once again be that thick-waisted slim woman with no cellulite.)

Anyway, I got a little off-track there, but I'm trying to say that it may take time to get used to the new you and find the styles that look good on you after years of just buying whatever fit. I'd never thought of personal shoppers or TLC, but maybe I should try them myself, so I can look a little less like a very large brick!

Congrats on your inspiring success.

Carla

CoolMom75
06-29-2005, 01:59 AM
" a very large brick.." LOL Hi, Brick! Nice to meet ya. I'm the saggy baggy elephant. :lol: Gotta have a sense of humor, eh?

I was talking to my sister, and made a comment, "I wasn't invited to the bachelorette party because they don't want your fat older sister tagging along...?" Then I realized (to myself) that I am not "fat" anymore, and my sister is now heavier than me. Its so weird how the mental image of myself is so much stronger than reality.

subpremeprincess
06-30-2005, 11:32 AM
Congratulations to all who are pursuing their goals and achieving them. This is an interesting thread and I just thought I would post a note because I too am re-learning how to shop.
Ladies repeat after me: I love my body. I am working hard to lose weight and heal myself. I promise to love my body and appreciate my curves. I know that continued success can only come through love of self, not criticisim. I am beautiful.
If necessary repeat this daily until you believe it :smug:
Now for some clothing suggestions.It is a good thing to invest in new clothing as you lose weight because baggy clothes actually make you look larger. There are a lot of pretty A-line skirts (very flattering ) out there for summer, and they are pretty cheap right now. Long layered skirts with a basic camisole tank top are also a good choice. Try not to invest too much money unless you plan to have your clothing tailored. Target has a decent selection of tops for summer. If you pick up a Marie Claire magazine they usually have a section where real women are dressed appropriately according to their figures. They also have a section where they suggest different blouses, pants, jeans etc. based on your figure. Good Luck! :wave:

Sub

debi d
06-30-2005, 12:11 PM
Lane Bryant is a great place to shop. They specialize in clothes for women with a body. Unlike other places that are more interested in dressing the manequins, than the people. They are trendy, know to show off the beautiful legs of women.. Also, don't buy anything and wear it thinking that it will fit better in 5-10lbs.. tight clothes are the worst for telling the whole truth about our bodies.. it is better to look classy, than trendy. Trends come and go, but class is forever..

haleys
06-30-2005, 01:13 PM
Have to disagree about Lane Bryant, I'm big and I don't even fit into their clothes, normall I'm a 16/18 in regular stores and I can't even fit into their smallest size.