Weight Loss Support - I feel like just giving up!




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Fusion
06-23-2005, 08:33 AM
I am feeling really horrible and have nearly reached the lowest low. I am not new here but have browsed around a bit and decided to post.

I am usually a head strong women set in my career and usually do not take B.S. from anyone since my last marriage. Without telling my whole life story which would bore the heck out of you I will just sum of the last few years.

I feel and I know I am hard on myself and I can not even go out the door unless I am dressed and have the whole girly thing going on, I know it must be the atmosphere I am in, but now its worse.

I know I am meandering and babbling and I am sure I do not make a lot of sense right now.
Had a horrible abusive marriage before this 5 years ago, (recovered somewhat, except the nightmares), moved on found someone new, happy, happy. 5 years ago I was at the low point of my life, took medication for panic attacks, left me sleepy, and hungry did the total opposite for me, before I knew it I went from a 8 to a 24, lost the weight most of it and need to lose the rest. I slowly got my life back with my new mate it was a slow recovery, and slow crawl, then suddenly I went on SBD and had a major swoosh, and was at an happy 14.

Moved, landed into more stress, the living stress because where I am etc is causing my career to dwindle and other messes that revolve around that, quit the job due to high stress, fell in self pity and gained some weight back lost a little bit but with the stress around me I am going up and down up and down, and sad but true eating something that tastes great or nice is the only highlight in my life at the moment. I have no friends that live near me 6000 miles or so away, no support system.

Some think I am successful and should be happy but add the stress and well it is just yucky! Gained almost 2 (18/20) sizes back and it has to stop there I have come this far. (I secretly tell myself)I have never had to diet really that much my whole life until well 7 or so years ago, and I think stress plus stress = me eating.

I hate the way I feel right now, and since I have always been hard on myself it’s worse, I am now antisocial, do not want to go anywhere and feel like everyone is looking at me because I am a size 18/20. I am so sick of hearing your so pretty, blah balh, but a little chunky, like if the chunkiness was gone I would be just perfect??????? Err! At work it is so boring, I get 0 fresh airs and am at the Desk all day, and want to eat out of stress and out of boredom, I make excuses to cheat. I can not be an 18/20 any longer it is destroying my self esteem and I feel I have no life and do not go for things because of it, I was almost there a year ago, but how do I stay on track, what can I do?

I have all the right stuff to eat, but ….there I go again. I really wish I could say more, but I have to keep my identity to a minimum for now because of work and privacy, I think a few folks may have heard of me or know me, not that I am anything special. I could go on and on but I have said too much already.

I am feeling really depressed and really feel like taking the easy way out.


Flower Power
06-23-2005, 09:05 AM
Fusion sorry to hear that you are blue. We all have ebbs and flows to our life. Where things are great and where things SUCK! You sound like such a strong individual who is just getting stuck in a rut. Believe me you don't want to stay where you are~mentally! I have been fighting with my weight since 4th grade. I have probably lost 100 pounds atleast 4 times in my life. Lots of depression and self hatred. I am 54 and have been diagnosed with diabetes.UGH!!! It has scared me into changing my WHOLE life. I want to live and so do you. You just need to start making small changes in the things that you do. If you are really deep into this depression you might need to go for professional help. We all need it sometime. I think one thing that might really help you clear your mind is to get moving. I take at least a 30 min walk almost daily. Start with whatever you can and add to it. It really does help you to relax and calm down. Even if your not ready to make the food changes right now the exercise will help you to get to that point. I know that you are a strong lady and you can do this. You are worth it. You deserve to be respected by you. Your body and mind need your care right now and you can do it. Cindi

funniegrrl
06-23-2005, 10:15 AM
Hi there --

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, especially given all you've been through. I've been seriously overweight all my life, and as crippling as that has been, in a way I think these situations are worse for people who were not overweight to begin with. Those of us who were "born fat" so to speak have had a lifetime to develop coping skills, and we don't feel alien in our own bodies or feel weird about having to watch what we eat (well, some of us, anyway). So, my heart really goes out to you. Just know that, no matter how we got here or what our pasts are like, we're all in the same boat when we look at that scale and know the number is much higher than it should be.

I think that's a good way to start thinking about it -- I know you feel disheartened or even rebellious about having to deal with this at all, especially on top of everything else. But, one thing I've found is that it's all part of the same big picture. MOST overweight people are hard on themselves, MOST use food to deal with stress, MOST find themselves eating too much because their lives are simply out of balance. Doesn't matter if you're an "emotional eater" who uses food as a drug, or just eats unhealthily because of schedules and lack of enthusiasm about doing the physical and mental work necessary to prepare healthy meals.

You sound a little overwhelmed, and that your lack of control over the situation makes you feel that much more overwhelmed. It's that perfectionism thing that's standing in your way, do you think?. That "do it right or don't do it at all" thing? Where it feels pointless to even try if you can't go all the way right out of the gate? How would you feel about trying to take control of one, tiny aspect of food? Could you say that, for example, you were only going to drink zero-calorie beverages. Let that success give you a little boost, a chance to reflect on the fact that you've made a step towards better health. Then, with that success under your belt, you could take another small step -- adding a vegetable to lunch and dinner beyond what you currently eat. Those small steps can help build your confidence, your sense of control gradually, and those mini-victories can fuel future successes. Just something to consider.

Another thing I would encourage is yoga. If you can find a good class led by a real yogi/yogini (as opposed to an aerobics or pilates instructor), you'll be amazed at the centeredness and calm the class will give you, and how that can start to spill out into the rest of your life. It teaches wonderful stress reduction skills, and helps you make peace with your body and respect it in a way you may not have before. And, don't worry about being an overweight person in class -- I started taking yoga when I weighed 240! I can't recommend it highly enough. I don't even consider it "exercise" -- it's simply one of my favorite things to do now.


almostheaven
06-23-2005, 10:29 AM
Echoing some of the sentiments already expressed. I was there...hated my job, stayed home, didn't get out, didn't know anyone, etc. etc. etc. Though I was starting to get out of a lifelong rut by removing myself from my family, which always kept me down, I was beginning to feel better about myself. But I was still not used to getting out and just going up and talking to total strangers, to holding my head up and enjoying life. With feeling better about myself though, I wanted these things.

So I had to get over my shy spells and I went and joined yoga myself. Going into a strange new program with people I didn't know all by myself, since I knew of no one to go with me and keep me company, was frightening to me. But I adapted. I also started getting out and walking at lunch. It beat sitting in the office eating...the one place that was the most depressive of all. ;) As the weight began to drop, my confidence began to increase even more. I started enjoying shopping, which I used to abhore with a passion. I would look for reasons to get out over opting to stay in...a complete change in me. And I began talking to total strangers. Became close friends with a girl in the office of our apartment complex. I'd seen her for years, lived there for many years, but never spoke to her. Found out she was doing Atkins and she and I ended up going to Wal*Mart and Ruby Tuesdays with one another about once a week and talking about our mutual weight loss.

Got over my shyness of showing my body in a gym setting and went in to use the apt. gym that I had access to and never used. Began talking with a girl on the treadmill there and she was very helpful to me with pointers on maximizing my treadmill workout. Started talking with yet another girl in there after the first moved away. She and I would hold contests on who would exercise the longest each day. LOL

All of the baby steps ran into some huge steps and each one helped pull me out of my shell. That's the best thing for depression. But the suggestion of seeking professional help is also good and may give you the strength to take that first baby step.

Fusion
06-23-2005, 07:43 PM
Thank you dearly and kindly I have had no one to talk to about this, at work it is very competitive and dare I show any weakness which would add more stress in my life. Everyone around me walks in stilettos and Luis V bags just to go to the supermarket and I feel like Ms. Frumpy at the current moment. I need my confidence back so I can feel good about what I wear and not think twice. Briefs Be Gone!

It is hard to chat with my mate about it; he is supportive but aloof if you ladies know what I mean, he knew me when I was thin, knew my at my worst and took my in at my lowest, so I have a lot of respect for him.

Where did my will power go? “How could I let jus two sizes get me so down?” I could swear everyone around me is thinner. Or at least that is how I feel. I have never taken Yoga before but from all the responses this will help with my work stress, atmosphere etc.

I know this sounds so shallow of me and superficial but if I could just go from and 18 to a 14 again I could regain my self esteem back, but doing that and dealing with the stress is so out of balance. I know that is what I need to do but for the last year it has been an up and down struggle.

I guess I have to learn to be more selfish less *****y and put me first? With all of your kind words and inspiration I am going to do my best to meet my weight loss goal.

Since I am stuck in the office all day at the desk on my rear, I decided to head to the gym in the office every other hour and do a set of exercises, hopefully that will build up the endorphins and rid some of the depression to keep me going forward.

Eating has been mostly Macrobiotic and calories a mock SBD.
Thanks for saving me…

MorticiaAddams
06-23-2005, 07:56 PM
The rest have said it like it is. Start with small steps make those accomplishments and then your confindense will return. Im slowly finding that out myself. When you achieve these goals for yourself the others will seem small.
Always put yourself first. And if your starting to workout again. Make it like a appointment that you have to keep each day or every other day however you want to work out right now.
Exersise is not a option its a must do.
You can make small changes in your eating habits as well cuttting out some things, having smaller potions, Eating diffrent styles Example changing the milk you drink if you drink whole drink 2% or cutting out the red meat and eating chicken,turkey, fish,ostrich. Not eating the flour pasta on wheat.
You can do it your strong and if your ready your new body is certainly waiting for you to bring it out and enjoy the world.
Cin

Fusion
06-24-2005, 10:09 PM
Thank you, I can not thank you enough.... I have been sneaking away from my desk to the Company B`s gym every other hour doing reps to rid of at least some of the work stress...

I have recently decided not to suck my stomach in when I am out and about so I can breath and try to remember in a month or two, no more sucking will be required... taking baby steps and trying not to care some much of what others think... with tough work and will power ahead I will turn this size 16/18 (tight) body into a comfortable 12 by the start of fall ...*I hope*


Thank you all kindly for coming to my rescue....

almostheaven
06-24-2005, 11:06 PM
I have recently decided not to suck my stomach in when I am out and about so I can breath and try to remember in a month or two, no more sucking will be required...
That was one of my first lessons in yoga. And it helped me not only relieve stress but also anxiety in dealing with a phobia...to take deep breaths down in the stomach.

LKTS
06-25-2005, 06:45 PM
Just a quick post to say, as have others, that I know where you are coming from. I think lots of us have that feeling that we act like we're completely in control and successful when inside we're stressed, worried and unhappy. Weight and body image are so complicated for anyone nowadays, especially women. It's supposed to be one of those things that you "conquer" or control, but we all have a complex relationship with food and such.

I don't have any brilliant insights ;) just remember to take time for yourself, trust your own instincts, and remember that your own opinion of yourself is more important than what other people think of you. In my life I've been bigger and smaller and I probably will have to deal with the issue of my weight until I die. But if I made it the only thing that showed whether I was a good person, it would be way out of proportion.

Anyway, take it a day at a time, and consider finding some kind of active thing that you really like to do - yoga, maybe, or a dance class, bicycling, walking... I honestly really enjoy lifting weights, and everytime I do I feel better about myself, not just because of the health benefits but because I like it. It always helps me to reconnect myself with my body as something that *does* something, that makes it possible for me to live my life, not just a shell that I haul around with me, worrying about how it looks. Anyway, enough babbling from me :) Remember that you're not alone with these issues.

Fusion
06-25-2005, 10:48 PM
Just a quick post to say, as have others, that I know where you are coming from. I think lots of us have that feeling that we act like we're completely in control and successful when inside we're stressed, worried and unhappy. Weight and body image are so complicated for anyone nowadays, especially women. It's supposed to be one of those things that you "conquer" or control, but we all have a complex relationship with food and such.

I don't have any brilliant insights ;) just remember to take time for yourself, trust your own instincts, and remember that your own opinion of yourself is more important than what other people think of you. In my life I've been bigger and smaller and I probably will have to deal with the issue of my weight until I die. But if I made it the only thing that showed whether I was a good person, it would be way out of proportion.

Anyway, take it a day at a time, and consider finding some kind of active thing that you really like to do - yoga, maybe, or a dance class, bicycling, walking... I honestly really enjoy lifting weights, and everytime I do I feel better about myself, not just because of the health benefits but because I like it. It always helps me to reconnect myself with my body as something that *does* something, that makes it possible for me to live my life, not just a shell that I haul around with me, worrying about how it looks. Anyway, enough babbling from me :) Remember that you're not alone with these issues.


Thank you I appreciate your post, and it is pleasant to know I am not combating this interior skirmish alone, although it feels forlorn.

I am taking it one day at a time and so far doing well. It is dreadfully true, friends, and etc think we are in completely (or do well faking it) (like me) in control and have no idea how apprehensive and dejected we/I am inside.


Thankfully I posted on this site and women here are true, to the point, direct, and do not polish anything which makes it nice for a Diva in Distress like me a haven for comfort.

Thank you!