Weight Loss Support - very unsupportive BF :(




View Full Version : very unsupportive BF :(


breakfastsurreal
06-01-2005, 02:05 AM
OK, when I met him I was around 135, and he has a taste for curvy women I think, he used to tell me I was too skinny...over the past year and half I have gotten up to 210, I think he liked me the most at 160 or so...anyways...that's not the point. A few months ago I bought a bunch of healthy food at the store (ok i went overboard, and spent a LOT of money on stuff i wouldnt eat) and ever since then when I say I want to go on a diet he rolls his eyes at me...I'll admit at the time I wasn't really motivated enough, it was just kind of an impulsive thing and I didn't stick with it for more than a few days...but now I AM serious about it, but he doesn't take me seriously...hes like "suuuure honey, go ahead, youre just gonna waste all that food you buy" He is VERY anti-diet, and refuses to diet with me, which is ok, I understand eating healthy isn't easy for everyone, and you can't MAKE someone go on a diet...I'm willing to go at it alone. But I just wish he supported me. The past few days I have been eating new veggies and stuff and the whole time he would sit there and tell me "I can't believe you are eating that, that is DISGUSTING!" He just makes me feel like I am offending him or something! Any advice on how to get him to be supportive? I know this will kind of motivate me to stick with a diet because I DO want to prove him wrong and lose weight...I kind of think that's the only thing that will make him leave me alone about it.


kykaree
06-01-2005, 03:36 AM
You can't make a man do anything!!!! At first my partner was a nightmare. He would try and make me get him chocolate and cakes (he never eats that stuff normally), he would moan about what we were eating, he would keep teasing me whenever I got ready to exercise. I just smiled a lot and agreed with him a lot. "yes, I will probably give up exercising in a month" "yes, this is just another fad and I won't stick to it", just to make him shut up!!! It annoyed him enough to make him stop.

Well five months on and nearly 40 pound lighter (me that is, he's lost about 10 pounds by accident), it's like he's had a brain transplant. "I am so proud of you" "You look great in your exercise clothes" "Please keep up the exercise, it really helps your moods", he's positive, sweet and supportive.

Just keep positive yourself, do some sighing, rolling your eyes to heaven, moan at us, but to him keep acting like the strongest, healthiest person in the world. He will either get fed up with you, or he will dragged along by your enthusiasm.

Failing that, you could take the direct approach and have a serious conversation, explain to him why it is important to you to lose weight, that you are finding it hard, and his support would really help you. I am not greatly in favour of the direct approach (unless I am just picking the wrong men here!!!!!!) as then they know how important they are, and feel in a stronger position to sabotage your efforts should they start to feel threatened. A bit of reassurance from you that you are doing this for you and for him, not to find another guy certainly wouldn't go astray.

gma22
06-01-2005, 09:31 AM
I want you to listen up! First off, you are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are! If you cannot understand that within yourself, you cannot make someone else understand it. Secondly, we cannot expect support from people as they will always let you down! You must hold your head up high, make a good life decision for yourself and never ever ever give up no matter what anyone says does or doesn't say or do! Thirdly, this is YOUR LIFE and not his. Personally, I think any man who doesn't support a woman in whatever endeavor she undertakes (unless it can get her killed of course :D ) is a jackass and should be kicked to the curb! I am well over 330 and have struggled at one time 2 years ago being over 400 lbs! First off, I have an adorable husband who loves MEEEEEEEEEE not the skin outside or the size outside. He told me the other day when we were talking about weight loss and such, "So, you're are a little chubby." (at this I said, COME ON I AM MORE THAN A LITTLE CHUBBY and laughed) and then he said, "Ok, so you are more than chubby. Don't you know I love YOU and not whether or not you are overweight. Besides, I love your......" Now this man and I have been married almost 33 YEARS and I weighed 185 when we met.

With all that being said, though you can grouse about it and that is fine. You can complain that he is a jerk to high heaven to any or all of your friends, family or us here and that is ok too. Just remember, DON'T EVER EVER LET HIM CONVINCE YOU THAT WHAT HE DOES OR DOESN'T DO IS RIGHT! Ignore the eye rolls, shrugs, the yeah I have heard it befores! In fact, DON'T EVEN DISCUSS THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TRY AGAIN, JUST DO IT!!!!! Please make sure you are doing this for you and not to keep HIM or make HIM happy, ok? The wrong reason for anything means failure!

REMEMBER YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL DARLING AT 200, 100 OR 500 LBS! How can we not be, God made us in HIS image?

Take care and good luck to you!

Faye


blue_sky
06-01-2005, 10:39 AM
I am so sorry to hear that about your BF.... It's hard when those closest to us are not supportive!

Maybe he feels insecure... Like if you lose all that weight you will either gain more self confidence... or be more attractive to other men, and leave him! I think your best bet is to have a serious conversation, and tell him that you are doing this for your health first and foremost, and that he should be supportive of that. Try to get him to stand in your shoes. How would he feel if he was working extra hard for a promotion at work, and you said, "Oh, you'll never be able to get that!!"

Keep us updated on the situation and good luck!!

breakfastsurreal
06-01-2005, 12:02 PM
WOW! Thanks for all the encouraging words! You guys have really helped me to keep my head high with this post, I'll tell ya that! I think he does love me for me, and he doesn't care if I lose weight or stay fat, he just doesn't believe in my level of committment. But I will do like you said kykaree, and everytime he says something, I'll just agree with him :) and work even harder to prove him wrong! You know his being unsupportive might actually be a blessing in disguise now that I think about it...In the past I have always worked harder to achieve things when people didn't believe in me...and I think that might be the case now, I certainly feel a lot more motivated! Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice! :)

unheardkoala
06-01-2005, 12:52 PM
When I quit smoking, my husband was the biggest non supportive person around now 10 months later, not only has he quit too, he's always telling me how proud he is. Now that I'm starting to diet and exercise I know that he will put it down eat junk food infront of me, but I also know that I cook the meal so he'll have to eat what I put infront of him, they'll come around. (and maybe they will loose some pounds too)

breakfastsurreal
06-01-2005, 03:14 PM
When I quit smoking, my husband was the biggest non supportive person around now 10 months later, not only has he quit too, he's always telling me how proud he is. Now that I'm starting to diet and exercise I know that he will put it down eat junk food infront of me, but I also know that I cook the meal so he'll have to eat what I put infront of him, they'll come around. (and maybe they will loose some pounds too)
haha mine will NOT eat what I cook...i went to the store today and bought beans, tomatos, onions, fish, spinach, lettuce, cheese and stuff for me...and then went and bought mini pizzas and pizza rolls and hotdogs and hamburger helper for him...hes sooo stubborn! I wish i could shove some veggies down his throat! lol

AmyLouWho
06-04-2005, 06:04 PM
I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have an unsupportive family. I've always been the "fat one" and have endured plenty of eye-rolling when I try a new diet. I always wished that they would be supportive, but now I realize that they just don't know how to do that because they have never been in my shoes. So, today, I joined the 3FC group and decided that I'm going to try to get support from people who know what it feels like and won't try to sabotage me.

I hope that your boyfriend comes around to see that being supportive to you can only help your relationship. Negative comments are hurtful and unproductive and you deserve better than that. Good luck and know that I'll support you in any way I can..

MorticiaAddams
06-04-2005, 10:00 PM
I guess I would have the feelings like if he cant give you support thru this trial in your life how is he going ot in others.
He cant choose when he wants to support you and when he doesnt.
Its one thing if you were doing something like taking drugs or something elese that would harm you but this is to help you.
Not once in my life have I let any man act like that with me.. Otherwise he would be dealing with my foot up you know where.

Im sure if he had some desire that he would want your support to.
It cant work one way. Im very lucky to have my husband in my life but to this day he knows and Ive told him that I have no problem saying dont let the door hit you on the way out if I get hurt and its something that you did on purpose. Support is something that a spouse or mate give you the whole time you are together thats part of your union. We are women we are strong and if the men in our life cant get with the program then they can find a new network to uplink to. ;)
Do what you need to do make those changes and get out and move more. Be confident and know that you are worth all these changes that you are making in your life. Healthy lifestyle is not only with the body its with the mind as well. Love yourself enough.
Its hard work and its never ever ending. But in the end you will be more happy.
I hope it works out for you and you get what you want in this life time.
You only live once. Do it on your terms .
Cindy

kykaree
06-05-2005, 03:46 AM
Here here Morticia Addams. That's exactly what I said to Colin on a day when I had had enough, about if he couldn't support me in this, how was I expected to believe he would support me in more difficult challenges, like if I got a serious illness.

Maybe I am harsh here Breakfast Surreal, but I wouldn't be buying him his own food. If he won't eat what you prepare, he can go to the store himself, or buy some stuff in and have his own stash of unhealthy food. It shouldn't be up to you to prepare two meals and run around after him, sure if he has your 9 year old son or something (and I still wouldn't do it coz I am mean like that) I could see that you might have to accommodate his needs.

He might not be being supportive, but don't you enable him to be difficult either!!!!

breakfastsurreal
06-06-2005, 02:51 AM
update: my boyfriend is now being really supportive...I think he just didn't think I would stick with my diet...the other night we went out to eat and I asked him for a bite of his macaroni, and he told me "No youre not allowed to have that" he has actually done a 180..but I had to prove myself to him I think...prove that I was serious about this. I have lost 14lbs so now he sees that this isn't some diet im going to try for 3 or 4 days and then just quit. :)

ingrid
06-07-2005, 04:21 PM
Disregard this if it is out of line, but in reading your comments, this was my first reaction....
If he doesn't get or stay supportive, drop him now while you have little invested. Life is too short and there are plenty of men out there that are not jerks or that disparaging.