I have tried hard... do well in the beginning of the day... then binge at the end. I don't think I can do this. Something must be wrong with me, I must have a food addiction. I haven't been able to stop thinking about food since I've been on here and trying to lose weight. I am so tired and achey all the time, very hard to exercise. I have though, been exercising 30 mins a day - nothing but a 2lb gain.
I don't think I can make choices. I mean, if I'm on a diet that has a lot of options and choices, I'll make bad ones. I think I may need a strict routine, structure, and a doctors help. I am at my wits end.
I know I just started again but feel like giving up, accepting that I'm not meant to have a happy existence.
I so appreciate all the great advice here, time spent posting to me; I'm just now worthy of it. I have no self control or will power.
Yeah, I'm acting like a baby. Sorry.
I'm just letting it all out there.
What can I do in regards to seeing a doc about losing weight in a structured way? Damnit, how embarassing... but I must seek help. I can't make meals and go food shopping, I just lose control. I simply can't do it anymore.
I have been pondering over liquid diets, looked a bunch up, thinking mostly now about SlimFast... is it safe? Could it be the answer? I was, a few months ago, thinking about WW but now that I've come to the conclusion that I have no control over my eating, WW wouldn't work - I'd never track the points, I'd go way over, I'd become more obsessive.
I think I need to go on liquids and pills or something drastic 'cos I really am helpless by myself. I try so hard but lose my mind - I panic when I feel hungry - and I feel hungry all the time - I have no energy to exercise - I think about food and eating 24/7 - when there is food near me, I can't help but get hungry - and I get very anxious when I'm not eating and someone else is.
I'm a freak.
Something must be seriously wrong with me. I don't think, no, I KNOW I am not strong enough to do this. Please, guide me?! Where should I go? How would insurance play a part? Ahhh!
04-18-2005, 11:02 PM
I think all of us here have a food adiction. That is why we all have 100 or more lbs to lose. As far as thinking about food 24/7 I did when I started and I still do to some extent. It does get easier. You just have to get past that first shock. I have taken to eating 4 or 5 small meals during the day. This helps with staying on plan later in the day. I eat every couple of hours that way I'm never to hungry. I don't think the liquid diet is your answer. They are unhealthy and usally lead to more weight gain. I find counting calories and writing it down works best for me but everyone is different.
One thing is for sure. You are worthy of our time and you do deserve a happy existence. Don't let that self hate creep in and keep you from doing what you want most in life. It's a hard road but you can do this. No one can do it for you though. It's going to have to come from within but I know you have it within you.
04-18-2005, 11:44 PM
You are not a freak - you're someone who feels overwhelmed, extremely anxious and out of control. Personally, I don't think liquid diets are the answer. If you truly feel things are as desperate and hopeless as you relate here, then its likely you need more help than the support we can give and medical intervention is needed. Do you currently have medical insurance? Have you ever spoken to your GP about your weight concerns? Please don't feel embarrassed to go to the doctor for help - obesity is not something to be ashamed of, especially when you're doing your utmost to remedy the condition. Medical structure and supervision may be the answer for you. You owe it to yourself to find out.
Although you may need more right now than what we can provide, please understand that you ARE worthy of our attention, as much as anyone else here who is struggling. We understand in a way many others cannot. Please keep posting and keep us updated. We care. :)
04-19-2005, 12:57 AM
You are NOT out of control - we are all addicted to food, that is why we are here. I think about food ALL the time. When I start thinking about it, I have to remember how miserable I feel. I have to remember how unhealthy I am. I have to remember that I am the ONLY one that can change ME.
Granted, I am now on a Drs. diet. It wasn't easy at first. But now I have to make myself eat something. I've only been on it for 3 weeks but it is exactly what you need, and what I needed.
She has everything written out for me to go by. She tells me what to eat everyday of the week. No calorie counting or point counting. I just eat what she has down for me and *poof* it works. Will it work if I cheat? **** NO! So I keep that in mind. I know how horrible I feel when I gain. I get upset and depressed and swear I'm going to be obese for the rest of my life.
Remember this, it didn't take us a week to gain all this weight and it won't fall off of us in a week. It takes time. Our bodies WILL fight against us. YOU have to show your body who's boss.
04-19-2005, 03:06 AM
Just a friendly reminder not to do those liquid diets.. I tried "Hollywood Gold" in my much younger days.. and I ended up in the hospital. Was it worth the pain and the week I had to take off work? Most definitely not! You just have to find what works for you, and pills or liquid diets.. just don't work. Also, no weight loss plan will work unless you are ready for it.. so you have to do some soul searching to find out if you are ready or not... and heck, you've already lost 10 pounds. I have a very stubborn metabolism, and it takes me over a month to lose 10 pounds.
04-19-2005, 04:31 AM
Please don't give up on yourself. It does sound like you are in a very difficult place right now, and as Jill says, it might be a good idea to get some support from a Doctor - you have every right to that. Not sure if it will help, but here are a couple of things I have learned:
- I think that chosing to live a healthy life is in essence about valuing, respecting and loving yourself enough to do that. Sometimes, when life is tough, or when we are feeling particularly bad, we lose the ability to feel caring towards ourselves in that way. Sometimes we never had that ability in the first place.... Its not easy to learn to put yourself first, and to take care of yourself, but there are many examples around here of people who have done that!
- My own experience is that junk/processed/high sugar food is highly addictive; don't think you are 'weak' because you can't resist it, I am convinced there is a chemical/biochemical thing going on there. We all have different ways around this - some people go the 'occasional treat' route, and other people cut it out completely - it helps to experiment a bit and find what works best for you.
Please keep posting, and coming here - we are all here to support you.....
04-19-2005, 07:38 AM
I agree with the above posters. Yes a liquid diet is NOT a lifestyle change, you need to get yourself into a pattern of something you can do for the rest of your life. Also we all have food issues or we wouldn't be here. I too get more obsessed with food as I try to lose weight, I'm always thinking about my next meal and what I will have. BUT you have to understand even if you start the day out good and then "blow it" you are probably still eating some healthier stuff than you were a month ago. If you can afford a doctor/nutritionist then by all means try it and see what works for you. Also don't totally count out Weight Watchers as an option, I know you said you are sure you'd go over your points but you may find it does work for you. I challenge myself with my WW points to get the most bang for my points :lol: kinda like a game until you get used to it. Good luck with whatever you decide but also you might wanna consider some sort of counseling to help you deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents! :D Have a great day!
04-19-2005, 10:32 AM
Definitely stay away from the liquid diets. I tried one once - felt miserable, tired, and was never satisfied. Besides, once the diet is over, you will start eating again and deal with the same problems you are going through now. So like the others, I recommend seeing your doctor. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, maybe from a nutritional counselor. Call your insurance and find out what they cover. Some insurances cover counseling or medical weight loss programs. Others may offer a discount on weight loss programs. (For example, mine just offers a discount on WW.) Like Kimberly, I found WW to be a great program for me. I stopped over eating. I discovered that I could eat smaller portions and still be satisfied. I view the points system like a game too. I think of it as shopping. I have so many points to "spend" every day so I look for "bargain" foods. Everyone has to find his/her own plan and what works for them. Please don't give up. Losing this weight is the best thing you can do for yourself. It takes time, but it is worth it. And you are worth the effort.
04-19-2005, 12:42 PM
You do sound really anxious, you might have an anxiety disorder and the eating disorder may be a symptom or part of that. There are psychologists who specialize in eating disorders who might be able to help you. I've been there. Lots of pyschologists work on a sliding scale according to your income; sometimes Women Centers will even have free or very low cost treatment. It's worth checking into -- I know it can be tough when you're feeling overwhelmed. If you have a friend or relative who could help you out, you might consider that.
I think so many men and women suffer from these same things. Hang in there, there actually is lots of help out there!!!!
04-19-2005, 02:18 PM
The only thing I want to add to the excellent commentary already here is a few specific suggestions.
First, while I now eat in a way that I make lots of choices every day, when I started I needed structure, too. I joined Jenny Craig. It's a good program because you CAN take the plan which is very specific and follow it to a T, or you can make substitutions using exchanges, OR you can do a more personalized plan where you make even more choices. It's a great way to have that structure in the beginning, then you can transition to more choices when you are ready. You also have a personal one-on-one meeting with a counselor every week. You can call it "accountability" if that will help you, or you can look at it simply as a time where you can talk about your issues and get personalized advice on the plan. So, you might look into JC.
If not, I would look into seeing a registered dietitian who specializes in weight loss for people like us. You can go to www.eatright.org for referrals and info.
You might also look into Overeaters Anonymous. Even if group meetings aren't your thing, a book written by an OA member might help -- it's called The Thin Books and it was a great help to me when I was getting started on this journey. You'll find that your thought patterns and the way you deal with food are NOT unique, and this book gives you some concrete ideas for turning that thinking around.
As others have said, you are NOT a freak, you are not hopeless, there is nothing "wrong" with you that's not wrong with lots of other people. Remember that changing your habits and losing weight is a PROCESS. You can't turn on a dime and suddenly be a different person. If you look at this as a learning period, you start to see that you've already learned a lot you didn't know before. Let that ENCOURAGE you rather than discourage you.
04-19-2005, 02:24 PM
I feel your pain. We all do. This is hard hard stuff. If it wansn't, none of us would be here to support eachother and dieting wouldn't be a billion dollar industry.
I wish I could bottle some of my enthusiasm and send it your way. For some reason, THIS time around - I'm having little trouble. But I've been where you are babe.
You're so so young. You have to remember that you deserve it. I wish I had made the commitment at 23. I'm very nearly 30 now and I think of what time I wasted being fat in my 20's.
Please don't give up. And please trust me when I say the hard work and effort is so worth it. If you keep at it, you'll be here at 30 thanking us all for the encouragement. You'll be pleased you stuck with it kiddo.
04-19-2005, 03:25 PM
I agree that liquid diets are not the answer. You need to feel satisfied and chewing has a lot to do with that!! I use a diet plan given to me *for* me by a nutritionist. I had my PCP refer me and my insurance covered up to six vists to see her. Definately worth it!!! She molded it around what my body needs to lose weight effectively... Don't give up on yourself and all you've accomplished thus far!!! You CAN do it!!!!
04-19-2005, 05:18 PM
You've been given a lot of good advice, but I just wanted to say that you really can do this. I know it's over whelming and discouraging, but just continue with the healthiest choices that you can make and eventually you'll see changes in the way you feel and then changes in the way you look.
Going to see a Registered Dietician is an excellent idea, however in the end it is up to you to put what they say into effect. The only way to lose weight tho is to consume less calories and/or excersise more. No magic pill will help you, and the meal shakes are not meant to be life-long diet changes. Sorry if that sounds discouraging, but it's up to you to make this change for yourself, and therapy or a doctor can help you to do that, but in the end it's still up to you.
Take small steps, for me I stopped drinking soda and went to diet...that was my first step and it was something I could do easily without changing a lot of food. Don't focus so much on losing the weight tho, remember that you are becoming more healthy.
04-20-2005, 01:07 AM
As always I really appreciate the replies, but this time, they really were important because of how lowly I am feeling. I can't get past this defeatist attitude.
dragonwoman64, you hit the nail on the head. I do have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and Panic disorder (I get panic attacks). Not fun. While I'll on the subject I might as well mention I also have very bad depression and am highly sensitive, not like you all couldn't guess that, lol.
I do think I should see someone, though my mother keeps telling me that I'm strong enough to do this on my own. She compares herself to me, saying how if *she* chould do it, my god, I can. She has lost 100 lbs 4 different times in her life.
But if not to for my weight, I should see someone for mental health. I just hate hate hate the idea of being on drugs, dealing with their side effects, more bills I can't afford. Been there, done that, several times. Nothing good ever came out of it.
A big problem is how I feel about myself in general - even way before I had body image issues and weight problems I didn't like myself, I didn't take c/o myself and I never thought I could do anything well, really. I've mentioned before, I have always been a pessimist with low self esteem. I see the glass half empty. doesn't mean I'm not friendly or kind, I just hate myself and don't see life as being this grand, bright adventure. I see it as struggle and quite often, misery. I truly have been working on reversing that, though. It's just very very hard to change your brain.
I am filled with anxiety thinking about calling the doc, the insurance company (yes I have insurance, Aetna, but my hub says they don't provide mental health, or we don't have it, something like that), making the arrangements, spending the money I don't have, etc. Yes, I am probably just finding more ways to put this off. I'm the queen of excuses and I'm only hurting myself.
It's late now. I'll try to force myself to ring my gp office in the morning. Make appt with him first then see what he says about a weight loss program, if he can refer me to someone or what. This will be so embrassing for me. I've been avoiding going to see him for other problems because of how big I've gotten. He's a very nice doctor, very friendly, knows me well but that makes it more nervewracking to me. If it was a stranger, I may feel better. I dunno. Gosh, I'm overthinking too much once again. I gotta try to stop that.
I wish bettering my life didn't cost so much money, take up so much time, and use up so much energy. I feel what's the point? Ah. I gotta get out of this mentality. Obviously a big part of me is desperate for change, to lose this fat... or I wouldn't be on here.
I'm amazed at how honest I am here. I just let it all out, lol.
You all are so awesome. Thank you for listening and caring. What an impressive bunch.
I'll check back soon.
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow feeling totally different, revved up, ready to go lose weight and take control of my life. Ah, that would be nice, yes indeedydoo.
04-20-2005, 10:14 AM
Amber, the advice you got here is great (I can use it, too!). I just wanted to address your insurance concerns. I would call Aetna and find out if seeing a therapist is covered. But even if you don't do that (I know it's overwhelming when you're depressed. I've been there!), talk to your primary care doctor. S/he can give you meds, if appropriate, and they can make a world of difference. Remember, depression and anxiety are biochemically-based. It's not an issue of being "strong" enough to handle it yourself. Would you tell a child with Type I diabetes to be "strong" enough to handle it without insulin? Of course not! My doctor told me that once the mind's biochemistry is altered to the extent that you suffer from clinical depression, it can get "stuck" like that, and meds are necessary (usually not forever) to correct things.
Good luck! And you are so worth it!
04-20-2005, 01:03 PM
Such great advice here and you are worth it. I agree that sometimes that is the hardest part is to admit you need help with something. You can check for community mental health facilities and such to seek counseling. Most of them are on a sliding pay scale basis and can be really helpful.
04-20-2005, 02:58 PM
I do think I should see someone, though my mother keeps telling me that I'm strong enough to do this on my own. She compares herself to me, saying how if *she* chould do it, my god, I can. She has lost 100 lbs 4 different times in her life. But if not to for my weight, I should see someone for mental health.
I remember getting very depressed at the end of college and telling my dad about it. He said basically, life is tough, suck it up! That devestated me. I don't think he meant to be insensitive, he just didn't know how to deal with what I was experiencing. I think part of it was a generational thing too, he fought in WWII and had a very independent mindset.
I can tell you from my experience getting treated for anxiety, is that there are lots of choices and if you should opt for medication (I did, Prozac), I'm blown away by the advances that have been made. It was like going from night to day, that's how much a difference it made. I in no way wanted to take any kind of med and really fought that. I didn't want to experience any side effects, or be labeled as mentally ill. Looking back I feel like that by waiting I truly prolonged my suffering so much more than I needed to.
You deserve to be able to function normally. Don't let money be the obstacle (I was about your age and just starting out and VERY poor, lol). Let hubby know how serious it is. Money has one function in life, what good it can bring to you or others. Don't wait another day!
04-20-2005, 08:02 PM
For one thing, NEVER feel guilty about obsessing over food. Like everyone has said, we all have let food control our lives at one time or another or we wouldnt be here. I have post its all over my desk with little sayings and quotes to keep me on track. "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" " Is the taste now going to be so great that its worth wearing later" etc. etc. I have my weight posted up too. But do I still think about food, Heck yeah. But now, slowly but surely Im learning to eat to live, not live to eat. I did seek help for my overeating through a well known organization for overeating and I found out that I wasnt as bad off as I thought. Alot of insurances do offer help. My company offers 8 sessions a year for free with any kind of counsler. So seek out help, from counslers, friends, and us of course. As far as the liquid diets and pills go. Definitely not healthy. I have tried it all, from the cabbage soup to pills. I have found that WW works the best for me. And I found that I love food and no restrictions. So with the point system I can eat anything I want within my point range. and you will be suprised that if you make very healthy choices, you can eat so much food that if you get hungry you must not have a stomach. Most veggies are free. So think about it, if you have a HUGE salad with cucumbers, alfalfa sprouts, onions, peppers lettuce, fresh spinach, broccoli and cauliflor with even a chicken breast thrown on there, and you dip the tines of your fork in some reduced fat dressing thats only like 5 pts or less. And I can guarentee if you eat it slowly and enjoy every bite you will be full. But if you choose to use your 5 pts on processed food, you will be still hungry and setting yourself up for a binge. We all slide off the wagon, I did yesterday at a funeral luncheon big time. But I wrote down everything I ate (it was terrible) and how many pts it was. Then I seen what I could of ate and it was very depressing. So dont give up on WW. It could work wonders if the choices are good. And when it comes down to it, with the pills and the powders, yeah you lose weight. But do you learn how to eat. NO. Are you filling your body with healthy vitamans in a way that they are absorbed like there meant to be, NO. So hang in there and try it for a month. Stock your shelves with only healthy stuff and you will be fine. I started out using a smaller plate too. But know I just visually divide it into 3 sections and fill the half with veggies, one section with a small baked potatoe or something carbby (is that even a word) and a 3 or 4 oz piece of protein for dinner. It works great. And remember slow and steady wins the race. I eat 6 mini meals a day and Im averaging 1.25 a week loss. But I need to get obsessed about exercise now, so I can get on the ball and just feel better all the way around. Well I have rambled on enough. Keep us posted on your progress, thats what were here for. God knows they have listened to me ramble on, and on.
04-21-2005, 01:08 AM
Hi, Amberoo - Just catching up on 3FC tonight and read your update. The advice these folks give is so true, every bit of it! And do you notice the common thread woven throughout every person's words? *ahem*
You are worth it.
Nothing mind-boggling, and yet it really is mind-boggling to consider, especially when you've told yourself the opposite your whole life. Believe me, I know! But how we feel about it doesn't change the fact that it's true. You ARE worth this. Tell yourself those words when you get up in the morning, when you decide what to wear, when you struggle with getting up and going for a walk, with making a healthy choice for a snack or a meal...Tell yourself that simple truth, and tell it often.
04-21-2005, 08:35 PM
Thank you thank you everyone.
Yes, great advice given, as usual, I'm very grateful.
I just need to take the advice and really use it, make it sink it, stay in my mind through even the darkest, hardest times.
I made a doctors appt! First appt in a looonnnggg time. I'm SO nervous. I have several things I want to talk about with him that I don't even know if I should mention my weight as it's such a big thing to deal with. I want to get my ears cleaned, alergey meds, migraine meds refilled, talk about my muscle hardness, etc, etc. I have a lot to talk about, and I know I can't unload everything on him at once.
I was thinking all day today, about healthy foods I should be eating and how to eat ONLY them. I am considering making a list, a nice long list of foods for every meal, mood and craving that will be OK for me to eat. So, I won't have to think or react, just pick, fix, and feed my body nutrients automatically. I'm thinking a two sided sheet of paper, make a few copies of it, stick them each into a sheet protector so wherever I am, I'll have one. Is this a good or bad idea? I NEED some kind of STRUCTURE, RULES or else I'll just mindlessly buy and stuff myself with junk.
I'm thinking drinking ONLY 0 cal beverages. Do you think that's possible? I'd have to lose weight by making this change alone, wouldn't you think? Especially with my (regular) Coca Cola addiction?
Food list, that will take more thought. Instead of naming all the many fruits and veggies out there, I'm just going to allow them all - in bold letters I'll say something like EAT YOUR FRUITS AND VEGGIES!
Now, I don't eat red meat but do like chicken and turkey and seafood.
What about canned/boxed/frozen and processed foods, are there any quick yet not that bad for ya ones? Like, broth? Lean cuisine? Popcorn? Rice cakes?
I'm going back and forth trying to decide if I should cut out all bread. I know that isn't a smart idea in the long run as all food groups are important, but I'm really just talking about the "whites". What's good is that I prefer whole wheat over white to begin with... but I get caught on the whites when they are hidden in things, even pizza, I forget that has simple carbs I should avoid.
...Am I maybe on the right track with this or should I not even try this system? I know it's said that you shouldn't have any "illegal" foods as that would make you even more obsessed but I really can't just stick with small portions and control myself. I think I have to totally elliminate certain trigger foods/drinks or forget about this weight loss thing.
Any tips or feedback - greatly appreciated!
Maybe I can find the WW 0-5 point foods somewhere online and add them to my food list? The idea is to not have to think about anything. Making that happen will of course demand a lot of thinking, lol. I want to list a variety of foods so I don't feel trapped or bored. But all the foods must be weight loss "safe". I am not the type of person who can eat one chip or one piece of chocolate as a treat. I can't hold myself back like that, at least not yet. Maybe once I drop a significant ammount of lbs, then I'll have no problem controlling my intake even of rich foods, 'cos I won't want to gain anything back and I'll have developed a new way of thinking about food, and eating it. That's my plan.
Since I have yet to find a diet that is right for me, I need to combine from several, the smartest tips, the foods I will eat and will satisfy me, and create my own personal system. I can't afford a fancy diet or nutritionist or even a few new books... yet I won't qualify for free help from the state or government. I'm on my own. Me, the internet, the library and you all!!
04-22-2005, 11:59 PM
Does anyone think that the above idea is a good one?
04-23-2005, 01:13 AM
Amberoo, check out http://deliciousdecisions.org -- it's really straightforward. Nothing complicated, just common sense approach. Don't have time to comment on all the rest tonight - we're leaving for the weekend early Saturday and still aren't asleep. Yie!
04-23-2005, 01:53 PM
Congrats on making the doctor's appoitment! I'd say make a list of questions in order of importance to you and then go over as much as you can.
I know I have certain trigger foods that I try to just not have around. That's a good place to start. I keep chips out of the house.
You can look at a lot of books in the library, Dr. Phil's food supplement book has a TON of information and specific nutritional data and calories for foods. That's a great place to start.
I'm always changing my dieting and eating program to make it better and to fit my lifestyle better. Even going from winter to spring, we're out running around more, doing a lot of walking, so I need to alter my exercise routine. And I have more outside temptations that I have to deal with.
04-24-2005, 03:17 AM
I think that you've really outlined it for yourself.
You know what you need to do, you just listed much of it in your post above ;)
I was thing about what you said about structure, rules...like you need something concrete to use as a tool. Boy, do I understand that!
I recently found (well, found a long time ago but just started USING ;) ) the website Fitday.com http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/Index.html
I think you might like it, you enter your goals, the activities you do, the foods you eat..and you get all kinds of reports on your progress...I'm especially like the one that tells me how much I need to lose per week in order to reach my goal weight by my chosen date...it reminds me that if I keep going..I WILL get there!!!!! It's perfect for me because it gives me something concrete to look at and work toward. And it's FREE.
I'm new here just this week and I can truly feel the difference this time.
You can do it!!!!!
Do you need a buddy? I'd like that..if you need it!
You can Private message me if you'd like.
Keep posting...we all understand those feelings you're having.