Location: Misery... Uh, I mean Missouri... Moving to Germany in December '05
Posts: 73
Something has to give...
Hello all. Let me introduce myself.
Short Life Bio: My name is Candy (not my real name) and I am almost 29 years old. I am married to an Air Force firefighter and we have two daughters who are almost 7 and 5. I used to be in the Air Force, but got out when I got pregnant with my first daughter. We are stationed, for the time being, in Missouri. We have orders to move to Germany this coming December for a minimum of 4 years. I am a full-time college student and will be graduating with a BA in Sociology from CMSU in December of this year... right before we move.
Short Weight Bio: I never had a weight problem until I got pregnant and gained 80 pounds that did not come off after the birth. It has been a battle ever since... almost 7 years now. After my first daughter was born, I did BFL. My husband really believed in the program and was/is a weight lifter himself. My results were amazing and I lost almost half of the wieght I had gained with one round... Then I got pregnant again and gained it back.
Since then, I have tried WW, Atkins, South Beach, and too many more to post. I failed on all of them. With school, kids, and moving... I am just tired. I need my health back and I want to feel good about myself again. I don't even know who I am anymore. There are so many things I have accomplished, so why not this??? Why can't I do this? I always feel hungry for sweets, candy, and fast food.
Well... Anyway. A new chapter in my life is starting this December, I want to enter into it as a healthy and attractive woman. I want to graduate in December feeling good about myself, not only mentally, but physically too. I want to move to Germany and meet new people as someone who is proud to look people in the eye.
I have to be honest... After all of these failures, I am not feeling positive about my ability to make bFL work. I guess I just need some advice from all of you. I am starting to not like myself, and that is not how I want to live my life. My daughter saw a diet product being advertised on the tv with the before and after pics of the spokeswoman... she turned to me and said, "Mommy, I wonder what you would like if you weren't fat."
Location: Misery... Uh, I mean Missouri... Moving to Germany in December '05
Posts: 73
Also... I have class all day on Tuesday and Thursday with no break for lunch. I end up getting out of class at 315 and driving to the first fast food joint I see to load up because I am so hungry by then. Any suggestions for those days?
Candy, I've not done BFL so can't advise you specifically, but I can give you a couple of general pointers. As long as you're thinking that the program won't work for you, it won't. Negative self-talk is one of things that many of us - me included - need to get rid of. It may sound phoney or silly to say positive things that you don't think you believe, but the more you do it, the more you'll believe it. And from experience I'll tell you that it helps to say them out loud, no matter how stupid you feel. I've always done better when I tell people - and myself - how I'm going to succeed, and not just in general terms, but what my plan is, the steps, the mini-goals, etc. I've also used positive affirmations, mostly in the car by myself, and find they help drive out the negative talk.
On a more practical note, can you take food to eat between classes on those days you go straight through. Things like hard boiled eggs, string cheese, cut up fruit and veggies, cut up slices of chicken, small containers of cottage cheese or yogurt, a smoothie or protein shake. All these will travel well, and ward off that fast-food devil. Again, it's a matter of planning, and positive thoughts. As soon as you think "I'm not going for fast-food" your mind focuses on the "fast-food" part of the sentence. Instead try telling yourself, "I'm choosing to eat healthier."
Yup, planning planning planning. The busier you are, the more necessary it is, even though you may feel you don't have time for it. I would DEFINITELY pack food to eat between or even in class. All the things Pat mentioned, plus the classic sandwich (whole grain bread, veggies, low-fat protein, you know the drill) can be a lifesaver. This will not only keep you from being unreasonably hungry and prone to binging on unhealthy stuff, but you NEED to eat every 3 to 4 hours anyway. Waiting a long time between meals/snacks not only depresses your metabolism, but sets up your body and mind for a binge due to drops in blood sugar, feelings of deprivation, etc. Ya gotta eat more frequently.
If you don't want to do a formal "program," then don't. You probably know enough about what to eat and how to exercise from previous attempts. If you want some organized way to keep track, look at www.fitday.com. You can log what you eat every day plus use their excellent info on basic nutrition. If you would like something to guide you in exercise, take a look at Kathy Smith's Lift Weights to Lose Weight video, either the original or the new vol. 2. Both are efficient workouts you can do at home with dumbells. Add that to some walking, biking, etc. and you've got a well-rounded program. Kathy also has a new, more comprehensive program (that includes an eating guide as well) at www.kathysmith.com if you ARE looking for something more programmed. You might also want to cruise over to www.stumputous.com/weights.html and read Krista's many excellent articles (including the "rants") about how to be fit in a no-nonsense, I-have-a-busy-life kind of way.
I also concur whole-heartedly about the positive self-talk. You have to start telling yourself what you CAN do rather than what you CAN'T. One of the "bibles" around here is the book Thin for Life. I highly recommend picking up a copy and let it inspire you.
I concur with everything that was said above... 1. You have to plan, plan, and when you're finished planning, plan some more!! 2. I personally have to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours or I get ravenous and want to devour everything in sight! 3. Plan your workouts too, doesn't matter what you do, but just DO IT!! 4. Yep, read the LWL bible Thin for Life, there's a great discussion at the top of the Maintainers forum about it that our Meg started...But get the book and high light stuff in it... 5. If you possibly can come here regularly and chat we will encourage you as best we can, we promise that, someone is always here to lend an ear...
Hope this all helps... take care, and y'all come back now ya hear?! TTFN ...
Location: Misery... Uh, I mean Missouri... Moving to Germany in December '05
Posts: 73
One of my problems has always been that I plan, plan, plan until I am so sick of thinking about it... then, I burn out. I have a talent for making up these wonderful plans... all laid out on Word and Spreadsheets...
I don't know. I understand that negative self talk is destructive. For the last dozen attempts, I have been so determined and positive... SURE that I could do it. After experiencing failure after failure, I think I just ran out of that kind of hope. I don't mean to talk badly about myself, but that is how I really feel. It is also hard to be in school with so many young, cute, fit 20 year olds. It just reminds me of how horrible I look and feel. My husband is fitness freak to boot. He eats right 100% of the time, works out religiously, and experiences no temptation. It should make things easier for me, but it just makes me feel more like a failure.
Sorry to keep whining. I am going to start BFL on April 11th, the day after we get back from a family weekend vacation. I can't imagine feeling any lower than I do right now... Maybe this really is rock bottom for me. God I hope so. I don't want to know what it would feel like to feel any worse about myself.
Yikes. It really does sound like you are having to deal with some major issues here. I of course can't presume to give you an in depth review of what might be best for you, but can only tell you what is working for me right now.
I currently weigh in at about 244. A couple of months ago, I was at 258. Any way you want to cut the cake, I am what you would call a big girl. And I always have been. And a good part of me, a part I am not entirely sure I can argue with, believes that I always will be.
I think that the one of the key thoughts for me is keep in mind that I am not competing with other people to get fitter. Yes, there will always be people who are in better shape than I am. ****, there will always be people who are in alot better shape than me. But you know what? Good for them. This weight loss/ weight lifting program I am isn't about them; it's all about me. I'm simply trying to be a bit better than I was before. And I can be, a little bit. I can see it already.
I wish there was a way I could help you more. All I can say is set realistic goals, and try to accomplish them in a realisitic way. And don't worry about what the rest of world seems to be doing. Do what you want to be better, in your own way. Compare your success to your old self, not to what others seem to be at.
In the end, I firmly believe that optimistic trying beats the pants off of just giving up because you don't think that you measure up.
edit: Cause this post of mine just wasn't long enough (insert heavy sarcasm)....
I'd like to point out that might not need any particular diet plan at all. I am using the "exercise more, and eating less, while picking healthier foods" diet. Sure, it doen't come with a sexy name, costly diet program, or fancy system, but it really does seem to be working. Less calories in than calories expended = weight loss. It really doesn't have to be any more complex than that.
Tealeaf, you are so right - this is not a competition. It's about our health, well-being, and feeling good about ourselves.
Candy, one other thing I wanted to mention, which I'm sure you know, is that you don't have to everything 100% on day 1! Sometimes you have to kind of sneak up on a new plan - baby steps, adding in or upping something each few days til all of a sudden you're doing it all and it wasn't painful! It's the same way you can move from whole milk to skim. Start adding a little 2% to the whole, til in a week or so you're drinking straight 2%, then do the same from 2% down to skim. I for one do much better easing into a change that way rather than have to run flat up against it!
OK, based on your last post I'm going to contradict myself ...
For us compulsive types, I also think there is such a thing as too much planning, because if we do one thing not according to plan, we can feel the whole thing is blown and pointless.
So, when I say plan, plan, plan ... this is what worked for me when I started my program, and I did things this way for a good year before I felt really grounded:
With food, I religiously went to the grocery store at the same time, the same day each week. I made sure I had the kitchen stocked with the healthy foods I needed for the next 7 days. This kept me on track because I always had what I needed on hand and there was no, "Oh I don't have any green vegetables I'll just skip it" or have potatoes or whatever instead.
I had a general plan for the week, but that was basically because I eat on a template every day. The specific items are interchangeable, but I know that breakfast is going to be milk and a starch serving or two; lunch will be two starches, two meats, a vegetable, a fat, and a fruit; afternoon snack will be yogurt and fruit; etc. I don't do a detailed menu for the whole week, but I do plan out each day the day before.
Each night I made sure I had a concrete mental plan for the next day's food, if not a written plan. I'm not a morning person, so I reduced my chances for "Oh I don't have time this morning I'll just wing it today" by laying out what I needed for breakfast and pre-packing my lunch and all my snacks for work. I also knew what I would be having for dinner that next night so when I got home from work, hungry and in a hurry, there would be no room for "what do I feel like?"
I also made some contingency plans, thinking about the potential what-ifs. What if that meeting runs long and I don't get to eat lunch on time? Etc. What if I go to that party and they don't have anything I can safely eat without triggering a binge? What if I go out to lunch as planned but the restaurant doesn't have anything that's obviously on my plan?
With exercise I had to take a different approach. I was so out of shape and had no stamina. Rather than plan out an "optimal" cardio-and-weights routine (yes, in Word and/or Excel) I had to start very small. I knew that if I set up a comprehensive program and didn't follow through one day, or found it too challenging, I'd just chuck the whole thing, feel like a failure, etc. So, my first exercise goal was LITERALLY to do 5 minutes on my exercise bike for the week. I know that sounds silly, but saying I'd do 5 minutes every day, or 3 days, was too much pressure. I had to set goals that I felt were so easily doable that I could feel that reaching them was no sweat, pun not intended. That 5 minutes was torture, but it got me started.
So, be wary of the compulsion to plan things to the nth degree if failing to meet the plan leads to feelings of inadequacy or failure. One of the concepts discussed in the OA book The Thin Books is the tendency towards "all or nothing" thinking, where small accomplishments are dismissed because they fall short of grand goals. When you're trapped by all-or-nothing thinking, that sense of perfectionism can be really disheartening. You think you're doing the right thing by setting your sights high and looking for the best possible plan, but you could just be setting yourself up to always feel like a failure.
I would say to NOT start BFL if all you feel is an impending sense of doom. Start smaller. Take a 5-minute walk break twice a day. Park in the furthest spot from the door of the store, take the stairs, etc.-- all those silly things you hear about over and over to just get some more "natural" activity into your day. You can do that, can't you? Sure you can! That's no big deal, that's a low-pressure committment. Pick one thing that would make you take a few more steps than you normally do, and commit to that for a week. Then next week, add one more thing. The idea here is not to necessarily pump up your calorie burn in a big way, but to get you started doing SOMETHING and pump up your confidence and optimism. Get a calendar and sticky stars like they use in preschool and give yourself a star every day you accomplish whatever goal you set. Maybe a gold star for activity goals and a green star for food goals, or whatever. Don't worry so much about the days that don't get stars, but pat yourself on the back for the days you DO get stars.
Trust me, I am by nature a cynical, the-glass-is-half-empty kind of person. I lived in the "it's really no use" world for many years. Successes in weight loss were always short-lived, I constantly compared myself with people who naturally or through hard work were thin and healthy, and cursed my rotten fate. I finally realized that when I started dealing with the cards I had, rather than bemoaning the cards I didn't have, I could make progress. I agree with the others -- you are not your husband or anyone else, and feeling down on yourself because this is harder for you than it is for them is pointless. It doesn't teach you anything and it doesn't help. Just concentrate on what YOU have to do. Operating on the principle that you SHOULD be like them doesn't do a thing to help you do what you need to do to make this work for you. You can only work with what you have -- wishing you were different only brings you down more. Banish those thoughts that bring you down; only allow those thoughts that lift you up. That means stop comparing yourself to others; set reasonable goals; pat yourself on the back when you meet a challenge or a goal; learn from mistakes and unmet goals and move on.
Location: Misery... Uh, I mean Missouri... Moving to Germany in December '05
Posts: 73
funniegrrl- You hit the nail on the head. If I can't do something perfectly, I feel like a failure. Case in point... school. I have gotten all the way to my senior year of college (graduating in December) with a 4.0 cum GPA. This semester, it is pretty evident that I will be getting a "B" at best, likely a "C" in one of my classes. My GPA will drop to about a 3.9 something, and I am totally upset about it. I feel like a failure. I KNOW this is so stupid to feel so horrible about one class, but I can't help feeling let down by myself! It is insane that I feel so upset over a lack of "perfection".
The thing is... I am not a perfectionist with most things. I am a perfectionist with my grades because I have gotten all A's up until now. That is years of being used to getting perfect grades. I am a perfectionist with my weight because
1) I was thin and fit up until the point where my daughter was born
AND
2) I lost weight in the past, so I know that I was once capable of losing weight.
Now here is a thought from deep in my brain that I wish I could overcome... When I realized that I was not going to pull off an "A" in this class I am taking, guess what I thought to myself...? I said, "Finally I am getting what I deserve. I am not smart enough to have all A's, so now I will no longer be a pretender. I won't have to worry about someone 'finding me out'."
It seems pretty strange. On one hand, I am upset about losing the perfection that I have managed to hold onto. On the other hand, I feel that my failure is deserved.
Actually, typing out all of this is really helpful. It helps me realize that I do know why my thinking is faulty and messed up. Now... If I just start to believe the positive things I try to tell myself. I used to pride myself on being smart. Hey... It was okay to be fat as long as I could claim intelligence. Now I don't even have that anymore. One thing that I am still proud of is the fact that I will have finished my BA degree in 2.5 years, which is a year and a half sooner than normal.
Thanks all for the encouragement and advice. I really appreciate it. BFL is still on for April 11th, but I am starting to integrate a little of the eating and cardio portions now.
Just remember, Bill Phillips always says "Progress, not Perfection". It's really what it's all about. Progress will get you results - maybe not the optimum ones that you'd like, but it will keep you moving in the right direction.
Now here is a thought from deep in my brain that I wish I could overcome... When I realized that I was not going to pull off an "A" in this class I am taking, guess what I thought to myself...? I said, "Finally I am getting what I deserve. I am not smart enough to have all A's, so now I will no longer be a pretender. I won't have to worry about someone 'finding me out'."
It seems pretty strange. On one hand, I am upset about losing the perfection that I have managed to hold onto. On the other hand, I feel that my failure is deserved.
Boy, when did you take up residence in MY head? I understand exactly what you are saying and have thought the same thing. Finally an old boss (well, he was not really that old and he was my boss at the time) told me to just be late on something and let a deadline slip. I think his exact words were "just be a day or two late, and I guarantee you that the earth will not fall out of its orbit. Relax and do the best you can. That is all I ask." So, the earth did not fall out of its orbit, I was not fired or even demoted, the person asking for the work gave me an extension, I was still able to make my mortgage payment, my husband didn't leave me, kids did not spit on me in the street ... you get the idea.
I agree with what everyone else has said. Relax, this is not a race, but a new way of living and something you will be doing for the rest of your life. Small changes that become habits result in permanent changes. PIck one thing and do that for 2 weeks (eat a good breakfast, more vegetables at your meals, 30 min of exercise 3x a week, try a new move every week) and you will get there. We are here and cheering you on!
I can hardly add to all the excellent advice above. However I am wondering why do you wait until april 11th ? IMO this could be a way to indulge yourself because "you are going on a plan". The risk is that there will ALWAYS be a reason to start later than sooner, so taking this into account and planning around it might have a higher chance of success. I notice a lot of planning around christmas, easter and other holidays both on this thread and at the maintainers.
Rabbit -- My thoughs exactly!! Why wait for Spring do it now!! In this case why wait, period! We can ALWAYS find excuses, ALWAYS... My motto in the last few years has been: '' My next healthy or clean meal is only 2 hours away '' I and truly try to stick with it...
Location: Misery... Uh, I mean Missouri... Moving to Germany in December '05
Posts: 73
I am waiting until April 10th actually, counting that as my free day. The reason I am waiting is because it is less than a week away, and I don't want to start my challenge off on a bad note! Psychologically, that will lead me to feel like a failure, which will lead me to quit. I am trying to be aware of my weaknesses, and work through them instead of stepping right into one that could cause me to feel beaten again.
Being gone Friday, Saturday, and Sunday is going to make it unlikely that I can stay on plan anyway. We will be on a train most of Friday and Sunday, and then Saturday we will be at the zoo all day.
Anyway... If I had already been on plan and used to the routine when this vacation came up, I would stick to the plan as much as possible. I just don't see a good reason to start when I know I will be at my weakest. I want to do everything I can this time to convince myself that I am strong and capable.
You have to remember... Even if YOU are capable of doing certain things, doesn't mean that everyone else is too. We all have our own weakness and I am just trying to be aware, mindful, and smart about my own. Since failure is such a crusher for me, even just perceived failure, I want to make sure that I am 100% available when I start my challenge. Then, once I get used to it and it becomes routine, trips, distractions, etc. will not be a problem.
Something has to give...
welcome to LWL !! WE LUVS newbies 
!!
