100 lb. Club - Help needed - please

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03-31-2005, 01:16 AM

It's hard to think about how I got here, at this weight. I get very upset and filled with regret because it has held me back from doing so much.

I'm now 23 (just turned in March) and can not fatham being 100lbs overweight for another year of my life.

It is so frightening, so embarassing, so upsetting. I don't know what to do with myself - I'm so miserable yet still can't get motivated, get find the energy to get myself into shape.

Please, please, how the heck do I get started on such a big task? How in the world do I find (and keep) motivation?

A big problem is that I don't SEE it happening. I can not believe that I can do it. I feel almost as if my body won't allow it or that it just can't happen. I think to myself that it's impossible, that it will happen to slow or not at all.

Thank you so much.

PS- I don't have any extra money to spend. I need to lose weight for free (on my own). But how!?

03-31-2005, 02:52 AM
Last time I checked you don't need money to lose weight so don't worry about that. I count calories and watch my fat intake. If I were you I would set small goals. Try losing 10 lbs and then try another 10 ect... Don't look at the big picture. As far as it coming off slow. It probably will. Its a long process. But even if you only lose 1 lb a week that's 52 lbs in a year and within two years you will be at your goal.

You can do it just get started and get determined. Getting started is the hardest part of losing weight. So once you get that over with your half way there.

03-31-2005, 03:53 AM
try your darndest not to think of the big picture. Every time I do that, I have to FORCE my mind to concentrate on the here and now. Cut calorie and fat intake, and go for walks every day. DO NOT look at the scale! That makes it soooo hard. What I do, is keep trying on clothes, and see how lose they have gotten. My motivation just came to me one day. I was sick and tired of being overweight. I forced myself to the gym, along with the skinnies, lol, and just started. The next day, I went back, etc. I would not allow myself excuses to not go. Once I overcame the initial 'starting' phase, I am in a routine, and feel so proud of myself. I still have a ways to go, but I am encouraged by the results of simply cutting calories and fat, and getting off my butt. You can do it!!!

03-31-2005, 03:56 AM
Amberoo, every one of us here understands your struggle and your fears. Howie's right about setting really small goals. You can do this, if you're ready to. Sounds like you're reaching the point all must - getting so sick of where you are, you know it's time for change.

Now, practically speaking: What are your favorite foods? Do you enjoy cooking?

Inca's Momma
03-31-2005, 10:21 AM
I agree with the other Kimberley. You must be ready to do this and reach that point. Having been "dieting halfheartedly for years" myself I know it doesn't work unless you really want it. Just take small baby steps to get ya moving in the right direction. Go for a 10 minute walk, switch a snack to a fruit or vegetable instead of junk food, drink water instead of a soda, etc. Good luck and check back here often, there are lots of sources of inspiration on this board.

03-31-2005, 12:08 PM
Amberoo, You can do this! I completely understand not having the money to do a "diet" plan. But I have to agree with others and say that it doens't have to cost more money to lose weight. My husband and I have been trying to lose weight... well... forever and we finally realized that all that pre-processed food cost us as much or more than we spend now on healthy whole foods. I know that sounds like it couldn't be true but think about it this way... A meal in a box can cost upwards of five bucks. My husband and I could eat that in one meal and it should have fed 5 people. Now I buy the fixins for a low fat low calorie high fiber meal for 5 dollars and there was no difference in the food budget. The key is your portion sizes. Also, excersize is FREE FREE FREE I don't care what those advertisements for all those gyms say, not that there is anything wrong with going to the gym they can be very very helpful, You can get in shape and feel better about yourself without going to the gym. You can walk, clean the house while dancing around, heck turn on the music and dance around like crazy for half an hour, use the laundry detergent bottles as weights, play at the park with your kids, anything can be excersize it all in the amount of effort you put into it. My biggest hurdle was getting of the couch and actually doing something. Now, I don't let myself sit down until I have done some form of excersize, made dinner and cleaned up. I know it's tough when you have to work, I work 40-60 hours a week but now, I don't think I could end my day with out my nightly walk. Most of all you have to understand it's not easy, it's not always fun, it's not always going to come off when you want it to but it will happen it will eventually HAVE to come off if you stick with it. This is a journey and sometimes it is very hard to deal with, my best move was finding this place and these wonderful understanding, very supportive friends. You can do this! I know you can!

03-31-2005, 12:13 PM
I know from experience it can feel overwhelming sometimes. Hang in there! Sometimes just changing a small habit can make a big difference -- cutting out coke for instance. And changing the small habits one at a time adds up. Start out cutting out something, then add a walk every other day, then a walk every day. Whatever fits your life.

I know concentrating on the small steps, like others here have said, has worked for me. I only have to not eat that piece of chocolate today. I only have to get out and do that walk today. It's a project that takes time and effort. I'm sure you *can* do it. Even if you have doubts, and who doesn't from time to time, just stick to it and I guarentee you that you'll have success. For me it's an up and down battle, but sticking to it I'm managed to see my weight go down over time.

03-31-2005, 12:37 PM
I was overweight all my life. At your age I was probably 100 pounds overweight, too. Despite some temporary drops, over time I gained more and more until at 39 I was double the weight I should be. Now, 3-1/2 years later, I'm within about 15 pounds of my final goal, the least I've weighed since about the 4th grade. Trust me, I know all about the embarrassment, the misery, the despair. I've spent large portions of my life right there, and before I started my current program I was so mortified I could barely move. But, I was determined to live the last half of my life as a normal person. Face it, I was determined to HAVE a last half of my life instead of dying young.

I won't lie and tell you this is easy, or fast. But, it is so worth it I cannot even begin to tell you the benefits you will reap. And, once you make up your mind to do it, it's like there's no holding you back. Sometimes you start the process and trudge along before that mindset really clicks in. It WILL, though, if you encourage it and nurture it. If you take every step of the way grudgingly, mourning your old food habits and the protection food and a fat body gave you, then you won't make it. But, if you take one day at a time and focus on the positive, then before long you'll find that this is just an integral part of your life, challenges and all.

The first thing I would recommend is going to the library and checking out the book Thin for Life. This is not a diet book but has a series of "lessons" learned from people who have lost a significant amount of weight and taken it off. In fact, the maintainers' group here on 3FC has a discussion group going about this book in their library section. This book will help you start to think about this process and maintenance in a positive way, offer practical advice, and also give you some very good "success stories" and role models. Also, if you think you may be a compulsive overeater, I highly recommend the book called The Thin Books. It was a real eye-opener for me about how my thought patterns and impulses were behind my overeating.

Second, start reading the maintainers' forum here, expecially the "stickies." There is a wealth of information there about what losing & maintaining are all about.

Third, you HAVE to start talking to yourself in a positive way, EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT RIGHT NOW. Here's the thing -- You believe what you hear if you hear it often enough. Your post is filled with negative self-talk: Self-hatred, believing that you can't lose, setting up impossible goals (you not only want to lose, but you want to lose quickly), etc. One of the things that Thin for Life talks about is positive self-talk. Even if you don't think it's true, STOP telling yourself you can't and START telling yourself you can. If it helps, don't think about losing 100 pounds, think about losing 10 pounds as the others suggested. I haven't lost 165 pounds -- I lost 10 pounds, then 15 more, then I got to 299, then to 280, etc. Set whatever goal you think is doable, and keep telling yourself it's doable. Then, when you reach it, you will feel validated and a wee bit more confident, and you can let that feeling of success fuel your next goal.

The other thing I want to mention is that it really helped me to stop thinking about "dieting" and "losing weight" and start thinking about permanent lifestyle changes. I realized that whatever I did would have to be something I could live with the rest of my days. I had to think of my obesity as a disease that had to be managed. I wanted to turn around my eating habits not just to lose weight but to have a healthier body. I wanted to change my use of food as a drug for the sake of my overall mental health, not just to lose weight. I wanted to be more active because being active is GOOD for me, not just to burn more calories. It's not about doing things you loathe to become slim -- it's about developing a healthier mindset which allows you to enjoy healthy food and activity, the BYPRODUCT of which is a thinner body.

I know you are scared and apprehensive and you feel trapped. Trapped by the fat, imprisoned by desire for food, and paralyzed by the idea of the amount of work and mental effort this is going to take. As you've seen, that's perfectly normal. After all, in a way you will be turning your life upside down in order to get where you want to go, and sometimes that seems too daunting. You'll be stepping outside of your comfort zone daily, hourly. Then, if you do get there, then what? What will life as a thin person be? What if it doesn't solve all my problems? Etc. Yes it's all very scary. But, it's also a grand adventure. Always remember that if you're being pushed out of your comfort zone -- by going for a walk, or turning down dessert, or finding some other way to cope with emotion besides a drive-through -- you're building a better, stronger you. You're building a person who is not only healthy physically, but mentally. Your body will start to thrive rather than exist. It will become more than just a shell to carry your brain around, it will become a source of enjoyment all on its own. You'll start to live as a full person again, rather than a person trapped inside a protective, alienating coating of fat.

You can do this, I know you can. I am very proud of you for trying to come to terms with this so early in life, and for coming here for help. Just try to remember, one pound at a time, one day at a time, one bite at a time. You won't be perfect, you'll make plenty of mistakes. That's OK. As long as you keep that long-term view and keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there. How long it takes doesn't matter, because you're going to be walking this path the rest of your life.

P.S. If you are looking for information on how to build a good eating program, I recommend www.fitday.com. Setting up an account is free. It is primarily a web site where you can log your food and activity, but they have lots of good information on healthy eating that you can read and apply.

03-31-2005, 03:27 PM
I'm generally a shy person but have been feeling sooo incredibly down and desperate that I forced myself to post on this bored last night. I felt very embarrassed, and that nobody would reply, but now I'm so glad I did.

I'm really so thrilled that you all have responded to me. You have such kind hearts.

Now... I'm naturally a pessimist. I haven't been able to change that yet. Even before my weight problem, I always saw the glass half empty. Suffering from depression and anxiety certainly doesn't help. I just can't see myself being thin, in my mind, it's impossible. The fat won't come off. I'll always be round and flabby and uncomfortable. My thighs will always rub together. My arms will always flap in the wind. My face will always be a boneless circle.

I do believe I am a compulsive overeater. Not only do I love bad-for-you foods and mindlessly eat them, but I feed my emotions. If I'm sad, I'll eat, bored, eat, happy, eat!

I don't love to cook, but I love to eat. I love to order out and I love to snack. I look forward to eating way too much, and I put way too much thought into what I'll be eating next, and next, etc. I hate the feeling of being hungry, it almost panics me.

Strange as it sounds, I love veggies, whole grains and healthy foods (I was a vegetarian several years ago) I just don't like to prepare them. And they are usually more expensive so I use that as an excuse. I'm a lazy eater, like things prepared for me already, therefore, I buy a lot of processed, pre-packaged junk. Laziness is a big part of my problem.

I don't eat potato chips or candy bars very often (though I am a chocoholic and crave salt). I binge more on foods like cheeses and breads and cakes and ice cream. I never used to eat sooo much pizza and sandwiches, used to be a salad and chicken breast girl but now when I eat those foods they are loaded with junk and battered and fried, etc.

I have been thinking hard about my habits, I've come up with what I feel are the main problems and factors that got me, and keep me here:

Soda - I never used to drink it, growing up I never had it. Once drank only water and tea. I met my hubby, that's practically all he drank, I now am addicted to regular coke.

How often I eat - I am hungry an hour or two after I eat. At night it's especially out of control, sometimes I go on an all nighter binge then go to sleep.

Marriage - Not an excuse or problem, just a factor. I was a different person before I got married. I ate heathier, I drank better liquids, I moved more. Now being married for 3 1/2 yrs I've gained 60lbs! Gasp! I now eat foods that I never ate before (lots of Italian cuisine), I never exercise and I snack all the time. It's very difficult to exercise and diet when you are married to someone who can eat whatever they like and don't need to lose weight.

Lack of Exercise - I never move around. I'm tired and achey all the time. I don't feel 23, I feel 73. I never get out into the world and walk because I've become fearful of leaving the house (I only go out when needed, to work or get food). I'm terribly unmotivated. I'm exhausted and stiff. I do have a treadmill but it bores the **** out of me. I must learn to force myself on it.

Metabolism - It's nonexistent, practically. A love of food and very slow metabolism runs in my family. Almost everyone is obese. The only reason why I wasn't a fat child is because I played so many sports, I was always burning the cals I took in.

Negative Mindset I hate myself. It's hard to get motivated and stay encouraged to lose weight when you despise everything about yourself. Not only that, I don't see it happening. I can't envision losing weight. I feel it's impossible mentally and physically. I worry that it just won't come off or if it does, that I'll have sagging skin all over. I think the worst and don't allow myself to even try to succeed. I know this is a big problem and I must get over it to get anywhere.

Wow. OK, well, that was a lot of looking inwards and admitting embarassing habits. I've gotta do it though, right? I must be honest.

Now, where do I go from here?? :?:

03-31-2005, 03:57 PM
Hi and welcome. Sometimes the hardest step to take is the one where we admit we have a problem and ask someone else for help. Here is a great diet I've heard people use http://www.changeone.com/. You should be able to check out the book from your library. Also, I saw your laundry list up there and I think any sane person seeing it would be overwhelmed. Why not take one of those "problems" and work on it. Don't worry about how much weight you have to lose, etc. Let's cut out pop/soda this week or start walking for 5 minutes. Some people think they need to be doing 30-60 minutes of exercise a day starting out. If you aren't doing any now, then 5 minutes is great. The next day try 6 or even 7. Work your way up.

03-31-2005, 04:45 PM
Funniegrrl - Wow! That was very powerful! A co worker of mine is having WLS soon and her shrink told her to read Thin for Life... She said it's very good at solving the mindset of weightloss. I'm hoping to borrow it from her this weekend!

Amberoo - We are all so proud that you are able to ask for help! The Fabulous people here are always willing to share knowledge of offer words of encouragement. I had the same hunger problem that you do now; hungry only a couple hours after you eat. Most of that comes from pre-packaged or pre-prepaired foods. I try to make a real meal every night with enough for my lunch the next day. I also bring enough healthy snacks (fruit, veges, dry cereal) along with me to work so I don't even have the thought of raiding the vending machine for crap. It helps me to write down what I eat so I'm accountable for it. I sure as **** don't ever want to write down that I ate a Big Mac and a half a bag of Dorito's!!! (It's happened... years ago). In January of this year I decided to do the weight loss thing again. This time, it's different for me. I don't want the same things to eat of even have it in the house anymore. I've been on a low fat lifestyle for 3 months now and during that time I've managed to brainwash myself into believing that if I were to eat a potato chip or a dorito that I would most likely barf. I was a huge salty snack freak, (no pun intended on the huge part ;) ) and I am not a big fan of getting sick, but this is my way of getting away from that addiction. I hope you are able to have your husband help you steer away from the pitfalls (keeping Coke out of the home) and maybe you could have him go for walks with you? I wish you the best of luck at finding the beautiful and fabolous person inside!

03-31-2005, 06:21 PM
babygirl43, you're right, it is very overwhelming looking back on what I wrote.
I've gotta take it slowly and tackle one "problem" at a time. And thank you for the link.

treefrogtoes, thank you for the encouragement and tips. I know we must keep coke out of the house! Gosh, how many times have I tried that!? It lasted one day... and my hub is so sweet, if I ask him, he'll bring some home for me. I know that isn't a good thing. We gotta take a stand and just NOT allow it, no two ways about it. Act like it's poison, I suppose.

Thank you for all the support, everyone is so lovely here.

03-31-2005, 06:25 PM
Okay, maybe start out with this rule: I can have a can of Coke, but FIRST I have to drink 20oz of water and wait 15 minutes. Period.

03-31-2005, 08:25 PM
That's a good one. And the idea is to not want/need it after gulping down the water and waiting, right?

Hmmm. I wonder if that'll work on me. Worth a try, right? OK. There's coke in the house right now, only 3 cans left. I've been thinking, should I get more this weekend (of course I shouldn't but I really do feel addicted to it) or should I try to go off cold turkey?

03-31-2005, 09:18 PM
Welcome, Amberoo! I'm *right there* with you on many of your worries.... I'm 17 and have been "half heartedly dieting" since I was 12. I have about 80lbs. to lose myself, but I'm trying not to think of it like that because.... 80lbs. 100lbs. ****, 30lbs. even is DAUNTING. I'm concentrating more on "today." As in "today, I will pretend I am 'Skinny Apryl'" And it has been working the last week or so.

You should join the "April Points Challenge" to keep on track. The best mod in the entire forum runs it and it's fun to compete. :)

Here's what I'd do with the coke. Buy, let's say, 12 cans. (Never bottles because there is 20oz in there and you feel obligated to drink the whole thing!) Have one can for "dessert" until you can kick the habit completely. Or let's say, 1 can with dinner. Or something. You really don't need the soda though, that's 140calories per can that provides you with absolutely nothing. Think on it! :)

Good luck.

03-31-2005, 10:10 PM
Good point about the cans - yes! Better yet, if you buy them, get the little half-cans they sell now. My MIL gets those because she never wants an entire can at once.

04-01-2005, 03:17 AM
Hi Amberoo,
All of these gals here understand what you are going through. The fact that you made this first step on venting your concerns, is AWESOME. I used to be a negative thinker also, and it's soooo tough! You can slowly train yourself to think more positively, but, as with anything else, it takes dedication and time. The depression and anxiety thing, boyohboy, can I relate. I've had the worst panic attacks, the **** on earth kind, along with depression on and off all my life. Luckily, my doctor made me start zoloft a few years back, and that coupled with therapy and behavior modification has changed my life immensly. You can do it, it is in you. But, it won't be easy. It won't be impossible either, and that is what counts. You are so young, If I had started to take care of myself mentally and physically at 23, I'd have longer time to enjoy myself! (I just turned 38). I like the idea of the small cans of coke, and the drinking the water then waiting. I know it sounds hard, but trust me, once you do it ONCE, you will be sooo proud of yourself, and you'll realize it's doable!!! Since you are hesitant to leave your home, maybe you can do it little by little. do something in your front yard for an hour , next day walk to the end of your street and back, next day a little farther. there is a beginning for everything! And again, don't look at the big picture. Anything in "the big picture" will be overwhelming! It's like, hmmm, raising children. If I'd seen the big picture of dirty diapers, booboos and homework, whining, etc...i'd of been so intimidated ! But day by day, it's all in a days work of having kids and enjoying them. When you work out, or try to change your eating habits and your way of thinking, it's a day by day process. Enjoy the effort you give yourself daily to make you healthy.
It's in there girl!!
be well,

04-01-2005, 04:53 AM
Hello Amberoo, I am so glad you found this group of fabulous people!!!! I so echo the one habit at a time approach. Don't worry too much about the scales either, you didn't gain 60lbs over night and you won't lose it over night either.

Stay positive and keep smiling. You are doing this for you, don't panic, don't get desperate. I would strongly recommend Dr Phil's key to weight loss book (can't recall the exact title) I don't agree with everything he says, but it's a pretty sensible approach, and might help you with some of the emotional and automatic reasons you eat rather than doing something else.

I used to suffer from anxiety and depression, and get the occasional relapses now and then. I do find the exercise helps a lot with managing my mood swings. And eating good food and avoiding excess sugar helps as well.

My biggest message to you is to stay positive, don't disappear into self-loathing. Concentrate on the positive things in your life and make them more positive!!! And we're all here to cheer you on and help you when it gets tough.

Amanda Panda
04-01-2005, 01:57 PM
Hi Amberoo,

Reading your post reminded me so much of me - the depression, the feeling that you can't lose weight and are somehow 'terminally fat', lethargy, liking healthy foods but ordering take out because you can't be bothered to prepare and cook a meal - you are just like me!

The good news is that I have broken out of these traps and am now eating healthily and exercising 6 days out of 7 - so you can do it too!

Firstly, if you are not already doing it, you need to address your depression - either with counselling or a good anti depressant. When you are very depressed it is so hard to take action on anything - you know you are fat and unhappy, but feeling no motivation to do anything about it makes you more fat and unhappy! I refused anti depressants for years, but when I eventualy gave in they gave me the boost I needed to attempt to break out of my rut and make some positive changes in my lifestyle.

I agree that small steps are the way to go - my first step was to say to myself 'you can eat anything you want this week as long as you don't order take out'. This helped me to get into the habit (and discipline) of preparing meals, and over time it got easier and easier to prepare healthy low fat food. At one point, I was ordering take out pizza 4 or 5 times a week - now I have them about once a month, which is manageable.

Also, introducing some exercise will really boost your mood. Believe me, I know how hard it is to start exercising when your body and mind have absolutely no energy - but this is a rut that you need to break out of and the more you move the more enrgy you will have. You will just have to force yourself to do it to begin with, but I bet you you will feel better for it and will soon look forward to your exercise sessions.

I agree wholeheartedly with funniegrrl when she says you need to start talking to yourself more positively - stop beating yourself up every day, it is very emotionally draining and saps your energy! Start to be more kind and gentle to yourself - speak to yourself as you would a little child.This takes practice, but gets esier as time goes on. I understand 100% that you don't believe that you are able to lose 100+lb, I feel exactly the same most of the time! But I tell myself daily that I AM going to succeed - there are people on this forum who have lost 50lb, 100lb, 150lb and 180lb!! They all started out just like you and me - and seeing their success makes me KNOW that it is possible! Check out the maintainers forum and the Success forum for inspiration.

Never be afraid to ask for help here, that's why we are all here - to help eachother!

Good Luck and stick around!

Love Amanda x

04-01-2005, 06:09 PM
Hi I am new here. I turned 21 in Dec and am looking for some support. If your interested in being a buddy let me know :) I use slim fast but you can count your calorie and fat intake each day I aim for 1500 calories a day. Drink lots of water it helps! Good luck!

04-04-2005, 10:55 AM
Wow...there is some good stuff on this thread. Funniegirl...your post in particular was very motivational. I have been very half assed at my weight loss attempts as of late. Your post is giving me a new kick start.

A month ago, I went to my doc for an annual exam and made a comment about my weight gain. She said everyone gains weight in their first year of marraige....it's normal. I have gained 30 pounds...which seems unbelievable when I type that, but I have. I think her comment gave me yet another excuse to not monitor my intake as carefully...or skip a week of workouts. I know I need to stop making excuses and get serious about this!!

Donna B.
04-04-2005, 05:55 PM

I have 103 pounds until my goal weight, I just started last week. I understand your feelings of panic and hopelessness. Have you ever spoken to anyone about how you feel? The way I was able to take hold of my life was to stop beating myself up. Stop delaying the good things in life "until you lose weight". I have suffered from depression in the past, and it was difficult to get to the point where I felt I deserved to be healthy and happy no matter what weight I am. I ate my feelings to feel better and hated myself for the way I looked. It's a vicious cyle. Maybe you're not as lazy as you think? Maybe you are in the midst of a depression? There is help out there Amber. Stay strong and believe that you are a good person.

The day you really believe you deserve good things, is the day your life will change.

Take it from someone who has been there.

04-05-2005, 03:07 PM
You've got some great advice here. I was a very compulsive overeater. You might want to take a look at
That helped me. I think Doc Phil's book is a good resource too, as an outline and a guide on how to approach the overall weight loss game, which can be overwhelming, since there are so many factors that can be involved.

I think it's great that you wrote out where you are and what you want to deal with. It will help you to create a plan.

good luck and be sure to keep posting no matter what happens. I guarantee that you'll find people who can relate to what you're going through and will be able to commiserate and give support.

funniegirl, your post was amazing. Wish we could sticky that to go back to.

04-05-2005, 10:33 PM
Hey, Amberoo -- where are you? Haven't heard from you in a few days - just checking in. How goes it?

04-06-2005, 06:35 PM
Hi Gardenwife, everybody...

Thank you for checking in, Gardenwife. Thank you for all the comments, you wonderful people you!

dargonwoman64, you're right, I have been given great advice on this board, even in this thread alone. I'm amazed at how caring and smart you all are.

I printed out what funniegrrl wrote after I had read it 5 times... I realized I need to have it with me... What a post.

"The day you really believe you deserve good things, is the day your life will change." That is lovely, thank you. I hope that day comes soon. I need positive change and direction sooo badly.

I often feel silly, ya know? Like I should be able to just SLAP myself and SNAP out of this, out of depression, out of fatness, out of this miserable cycle I've been stuck in. I should be able to turn my life around and DO what I want, stop thinking about it all the time and actually move my short chubby legs towards my goals. I'm not helpless (though I certainly feel like it). I am a capable person. I physically CAN lose weight!

Amanda Panda, thank you for your input. It really helps knowing someone else understand just what I'm going through. It's hard to believe, 'cos I always feel like I'm such a weirdo, like I'm nuts, but it's reassuring, it's calming, to hear other's stories. I feel slightly more "normal" in my ways.

togger, did you feel the 30lbs coming on or did it seem like they appeared out of nowhere? Though I'm usually aware of how badly I treat myself, the actually fat on my body just seemed to appear one day. I knew I wasn't eating right for a long time, but it didn't sink in just how big I had gotten, even when looking in the mirror, until recently. It was like I was fat blind. I felt it but was in such denial and depression that it didn't really register. Now that it has, I'm overwhelmed by it.

Thank you EVERYONE for your replies. Gosh, they mean so much. Whenever I come on here, I reread them all again. I think that's an important thing for me to do.

04-08-2005, 01:57 PM
I've struggled most of my life, and finally gave up on myself. It brought my health to a dangerous place. I am only now getting back on track. Think about everything you eat when you eat it. Ask yourself, "Do I need this physically or emotionally?" If emotionally, don't eat it. Get yourself away from it. It injures you just as much as if it burned or cut you. Give yourself a cup of herbal tea or a warm bubblebath, or just get out of the house and walk.
Even the simple, fresh air will comfort you when you allow yourself to feel joy that you took control, even if for just one minute that it took to choose to feel good about yourself and walk away from that temptation
Consider a log ($1 for a spiral notebook?). When things are slow and you would be sitting around tempted to snack, write yourself a pat on the back (as simple as, "I made healthy choices this hour!") for getting through even each hour with healthy choices. As you see yourself accumulating hours, recognize that you CAN accumulate healthy days, then weeks.... Literally give yourself a star on your calendar for each day you made mostly healthy choices. As you build your confidence that you can do it, you WILL do it.

Make a choice of how you want to eat, considering if you can reasonably stick with it. For instance, I can't do Atkins, as I feel bloated and worse when I eat red meat. So I am on a low fat diet, almost entirely vegan, except that I have 1/2 cup skim milk with breakfast.

Choose an activity that you would love to develop and do that during those times when you would otherwise be snacking, overeating, or just sitting too much. For instance, if you love art, draw, or go to the library and get books to study the masters. If you are involved with something you can love, you'll feel less need to hurt yourself with inappropriate food choices. If you love to sew, make a quilt. It will keep your hands busy, your mind distracted, and enhance your self-esteem by your accomplishment. Allow yourself to be happy.

You've got to move. Walking is a great place to start an exercise plan as it requires nothing special, yet it is enough to improve your heart and metabolism, as well as burn off excess.

Drinking the water allows our bodies to detox more easily.

Know that we are here for you and that being in your shoes ourselves, we care about you.

04-09-2005, 12:37 PM
Thank you, Sea. Thursday I didn't do so good. I kinda went crazy on some baked goods. But though I was feeling totally hopeless, I forced myself on the treadmill to try and burn some of those stupid empty cals I put into my body. I was on for 30 minutes straight! Eh, not very impressive but I tell ya, with my impatience and hate for exercise, it felt like I was on for 300 minutes.

I probably should use a log. The thought does overwhelm me a bit, to have to write down everything I feel and eat when I feel and eat it... Not to forget anything, really examine myself, to be honest. I can't hide a pack of muffins from myself, ya know?

Looking in the mirror this morning, I felt very disgusting. I allowed myself to really SEE my body for what it is, to try to shock me into getting going quicker. Took a while, I've been in denial for so long. I started to panic of course, then cry, then panic again. Feelings of dread consumed me... It's been warm, lovely spring weather the past few days but for someone like me, it can't be enjoyed.

I noticed how my arms never looked so bad, my legs were never so lumpy and close together, from the knee up. I want to ask, will losing weight make them less "tight"? They get so sore when I walk for a long period of time (which is an hour for me). Have I ruined my body?? Will my arms eventually go down as I lose weight and not be so damn tight in t-shirt sleeves? When I buy shirts that are actually my size, with looser sleeves, I look pregnant! They are oddly shapped, really long in the torso and long scooped neck, looks weird on my body.

Will dropping 10, 20, 30, 50 lbs help my body transform back to a more youthful shape? Will I feel my age for once? What I mean is, will I be so lumpy and soft and slow? Will I actually have energy throughout the day? Can the flab go away, or will it hang around? My mother says I am stupid for worrying about all this, that I'm trying to find an excuse not to do it - and that I'm way too young and haven't been this fat nearly as long enough as it would take to do damage like that where I'd have to get flab removed.
But why do I worry about that so much? I do have a large belly, that's my worst spot. I have stretch marks, but who doesn't right? I mean, even thin ppl have them? I dunno. And my butt and upper thighs. Ugh. So thick and lumpy. I know my face will go back to "normal" but what about my bod?

What if I look and feel worse than I do now?

I think I'm starting to get upset again. This is such an emotional rollercoaster for me.

Why why why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just stop the bad thoughts, and MOVE by body and SHUT my mouth?

04-09-2005, 01:10 PM
amberoo, you are so much like me its unbelieveable! I am 21 in a few days, and at 230, utterly disgusted with myself. Ive tried to lose weight before but just cant seem to get it off. Ive just started the southbeach diet...i did join online, but now that i bought the book(20.00) I feel I dont need the online version,and this site is free, so here is all the encouragement and help that I need! Im really hoping I Can finally lose the weight also. Im embarrassed when people ask me my weight, People tellm e I look likke im about 180...but still thats a lot also...
I am also a shy person, however after 2 children am becoming less shy about certain things. If you would like a weight loss buddy, Id be happy to be yours, you can email me at knbferguson@hotmail.com

04-09-2005, 02:56 PM
Honey, I can guarantee you will not feel worse. It's worth every trial and denial to get healthy. Make that your focus. I know the world tells us we women have to fit an ideal body type, but c'mon, look at how that type has changed through the decades. Look at how women are pressured here into unrealistic and unhealthy ideals.

Don't expect instant results - that just plain doesn't happen. We didn't become obese overnight, and we can't lose the extra pounds overnight, either. Give yourself grace, push on, and keep telling yourself this: I AM WORTH IT. Because you ARE.

04-09-2005, 07:56 PM
Hey Amberoo, I have suffered with anxiety, and panic attacks for the last 3-4 years. It got to the point where I was having a panic attack from the time I woke up, until I got to work, and then the whole way home. Which totalled about 5 hours a day, I was exhausted, moody, and would cry more than I ever thought I could. I don't believe in taking drugs for them, I did once, and it made me into a zombie. So I've learnt to get to an almost meditative zone when I'm having to do scary things. I have a great book, "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook". I would definitely give it a try if you can get your hands on it, my mom gave it to me luckily. I wish you the best of luck, it's a very tough thing to deal with. Keep at 'er!


04-10-2005, 10:14 AM
Hi There!

Not much to add. You've gotten some great advise. All I can add it that you need to remember, you are in control here! You are responsible for everything you put in your mouth! I tell myself that everytime I think about eating something I know that I shouldn't. Birthday cake being passed around? Excuse yourself to the bathroom for 5 minutes and think about what really matters to you. That cake? Or losing weight and feeling good about yourself? Which one is sweeter? Take a long look in the mirror, see yourself as you are and as you want to be. Still want that cake?

You can do this! If I can, you can! I admire you starting so young. I waited till I was 32, depressed and in pain to start. 10 months later I am 91 pounds lighter (GOD BLESS DR. ATKINS!!!). You can do it! Exercise if free and so is maintaining control. Take a walk everyday! Dance around the living room! Put on some great music and use your stairs as a step trainer. YOU CAN DO THIS! Start small, and grow bigger. As you do, you'll start big and grow smaller!

Good luck!

04-10-2005, 05:59 PM
I often feel silly, ya know? Like I should be able to just SLAP myself and SNAP out of this, out of depression, out of fatness, out of this miserable cycle I've been stuck in. I should be able to turn my life around and DO what I want, stop thinking about it all the time and actually move my short chubby legs towards my goals. I'm not helpless (though I certainly feel like it). I am a capable person. I physically CAN lose weight!

I think it can get very easy to get caught up on the numbers. I think equally important for me was to change lots of bad habits (including thought patterns). All that for me took lots of small steps. I don't know, maybe it's like there's a bunch of lessons to be learned and you just can't rush it. I think it's completely true that you can turn your life around and that you're physically and mentally capable of losing the weight, but I feel like there's lots more happening than losing the weight. Hope that makes some sense to you.

04-11-2005, 02:05 PM
Amber, I was quite concerned when I read the post revealing so much grief aimed at yourself. It was like a mirror of my own struggles. It helps to focus more on where we are going instead of where we are coming from. Focusing so much anger/depression at ourselves can lead to binges. I used to get offended that others assumed, because of my weight, that I binged. I finally reallized that those days when I was so down on myself that I simply gave in and snacked little bits throughout the day, often for 2 or 3 days, were just slow binges and that I couldn't afford to continue hurting myself that way. You can't run a race looking behind you. We have to look forward to reach the goal. We can do it !

04-11-2005, 02:12 PM
Easy Veggie Chilli
1 64 oz Can V8
1 lge onion, chopped
3 16 oz cans kidney beans
cayenne and or crushed chilli pepper

This is as simple as it gets, yet tastes great. Sometimes I'll add bell pepper or jalapenos. It makes a big pot and it freezes well, making it great for carrying to work for lunches. It's filling, and as you can see, very low fat.
The V8 or vegetable juice is what makes this. Don't sub plain tomato juice.

04-14-2005, 07:54 AM
This has been a great thread for me to read. I too, am "free dieting", just watching the calories and fat, plus logging in everything I put into my mouth. Little by little I hope it works. Much success to you all. :D