I just need to type out everything in my head before it explodes. Today is just a horrid day for me, and probably having my period and cramping like mad is definitely not a help I am sure.
I have been trying to lose weight inconsistently this past year. I have always been heavy, and knowing that 40 is looming on the horizon, I so want to see soem positive changes in my body before then. My birthday was about a week ago. so now I am 39. I am now 39, have never been thin, and am now the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I feel thwarted every time I try to lose weight, nothing I do seems to make a difference, and when I am able to do some positive things to get moving I am in pain. I have injured my back in a car accident, my knee in a horseback riding accident, my neck in another car accident, etc. Several years ago I broke my foot and then rebroke it a year later, and it hasn't healed right. If I walked more than 1/2 mile I am in pain for hours, if not days, following. I have watched my diet carefully, eating only 1200 to 1300 calories, cut out refined carbs and sweets, watched my proteins and fats, etc. and there is no change for me. I had my thyroid tested a few months ago, and it was normal. On the low side of normal but it was normal.
Today I went to an endocrinologist to talk to him about being insulin resistent. I seem to have a lot of the symptoms that point to this being an issue for me. Having read that women with insulin resistance and PCOS have had success with taking Glucophage and had positive results with the way they feel, and had it help with weight loss, I was hoping the endo would help. He ordered blood tests, but pretty much told me that if the results of the hormone levels were normal my only options were exercise *which as I have explained above is difficult for me to do in any form because of past injuries* or weight loss surgery.
I am so disgusted with my body...I am so upset with yet another doctor basically telling me "oh well, your genetics are at fault. Exercise more or deal with being fat". I am crying as I type this because I am so depressed and disgusted. I am so tired of reaching for help and being slapped down, and being told that I am just basically a lazy cow. I am tired of feeling like crap all the time, sick to death of not feeling "normal", and I don't think I can do this anymore.
One of my best friends recently had weight loss surgery and looks great! She has lost 85 pounds since October, and as happy as I am for her I have to admit it just makes me feel even the more so like crap.
I don't know what I am trying to say...I just am sad, depressed,hormonal and want something good to happen for me with my weight. I have been having migraines almost constantly this past year and that also has been effecting my energy level. I just don't know what to do anymore.
If one more person says to me " just start exercising" I am going to both puke and scream and do them damage. How do you exercise when you are almost in constant pain in one form or another? How do you get moving when it hurts to turn your head for a migraine, or lift an arm for the pain in your neck? I am just at the end of my mental resources here right now....*crying*
03-24-2005, 06:48 AM
You are so over whelmed and frustrated by your situation and believe nothing you do can be of any benefit, your scared of being over weight for ever, and your panicking. Just remember the old saying "baby steps" and "positive changes" POSITIVE changes. You are in so much pain when you exercise that it is very negative and makes the whole weight loss experience feel hopeless, now in fear of you both screaming and puking at me :) I am not about to suggest you do "exercise" to calm yourself and recharge your body, may I suggest meditation. Lie in a favorite comfortable part of your home, close your eyes and repeat With every breath in I become recharged, with every breath out I become relaxed recharged.....relaxed...... visualise your self being healthy fit and strong and laughing, do this whenever you get stressed out and frustrated with this situation. You don't need to run a marathon to lose weight just a little lifestyle tweek here and there slowly but surely will fix permanent lifestyle changes, so it may take a while, but what masterpeice doesn't whilst it's under construction. :)
03-24-2005, 01:12 PM
I totally agree with the recommendation for meditation. The more stressed out and upset you get about the pain, the more you focus on it, the worse it will get. Meditation can interrupt that horrible feedback loop.
Have you seen a doctor (or doctors) about your migraines? Looked into potential food triggers etc? One thing that really helps relieve my friend's debilitating migraines is peppermint oil, the straight essential oil. She will put it straight on her temples when she starts to feel one coming on. It works better for her than any of the prescription medicines she's been prescribed over the years.
If you can start to get your pain under better control, try to do some gentle stretching to gain back some of the mobility you've lost from the inactivity caused by all of your injuries. Gentle swimming is a good no impact activity. If you can afford it, I highly recommend seeing a physical therapist.
Don't give up on yourself!!
03-24-2005, 02:46 PM
I share a lot of your issues -- overweight all my life, with low normal thyroid, with PCOS and (possible) insulin resistance. I've suffered from migraines all my life. I also felt a sense of panic at the age of 39 and started on my current journey. While I haven't suffered the accidents you have, I do have very bad knees which limit the types of activities I can do. So ...
I hear you.
First of all, about the PCOS: My blood work was "normal" yet my doctors (internist, endo, and gynecologist) still gave me that diagnosis because I had so many symptoms. They did put me on birth control and glucophage (metformin) to try to jump start my periods, deal with some of the other symptoms, and manage the possible but formally undiagnosed insulin resistance. I had already lost about 40 pounds when I started seeing this group of doctors and finally (after 10 years of trying to get someone to listen to me about my symptoms) got this diagnosis. They told me right off the bat to NOT expect the metformin to make me lose weight any faster. They were right -- I have seen the same stories you have about women miraculously dropping weight after starting the medication, but that is NOT the norm. In fact at my recent checkup last week my doctor said she get so discouraged with her other PCOS patients who expect the medication to do the work for them. Anyway, the medication HAS helped some of the symptoms, but I can't say it's affected my weight loss in a significant way.
So, you have a lot of challenges, which makes it harder for you than it is for others. That doesn't mean it's impossible, it just means that your results won't come as quickly or as spectacularly as they will for some other people. One of the worst things you can do is to play the comparison game -- this is true of anyone trying to lose weight. We all have individual bodies and histories and challenges, and the only person you need to focus on is YOU.
Let's look at things you CAN do.
First, you CAN congratulate yourself for trying to eat a healthier diet and keep your calories under control. It's important to recognize the accomplishments we have, no matter how small. Success builds on success, and if you feel that your accomplishments so far don't matter, you'll never build up the confidence and optimism you need. Spend some time every day acknowledging what you did RIGHT, whether they are meeting specific goals or just staying on track in general.
Second, along the lines of the last bit, you CAN meditate. I agree with the others that this can be a very positive, helpful activity. You can either do it alone, or with a guided meditation or relaxation tape. At the beginning of my program I used a tape called A Meditation for Weight Loss by Belleruth Naperstek; I got it from Amazon.com. There is a 20-minute guided meditation on one side, and a series of affirmations you can listen to at any time on the other side. Or, another thing that might help is just daily journaling -- spend some time alone and quiet with paper and pen and write down events, feelings, etc.
Third, continuing the thread, YOGA is a marvelous activity, even for those of us with flexibility and mobility challenges. I don't know how limiting your injuries are in relation to a typical yoga class, but there are a million different styles and levels of yoga. Yoga meets you where you are -- no matter what your limitations or abilities you can do yoga in some form. I recommend a real class over tapes. Yoga, done right, is good for body, mind, AND soul. It's really calming and refreshing and helps you get in touch with your body and respect and love it for what it is. It is an incredibly positive experience. I started taking yoga when I weighed about 230, and I wouldn't miss my weekly class for the world.
Fourth, for more vigorous activity, there are things you may be able to do even with your physical challenges. The ones that come to mind immediately are swimming, water aerobics or water therapy, and "chair aerobics." If you go to www.collagevideo.com, you can go to their specialty section and look at the videos designed for people with mobility issues. You can still work up a good sweat sitting in a chair. Another thought: I belong to a fitness center associated with a rehab facility, and they have "hand bikes" -- you sit at the machine and use your arms to "pedal." Finally, you can do strength training. Building muscle is one of the best things you can do to increase your metabolism; the more muscle you have, the more calories your body will burn even at rest. Also, keep in mind that all activity adds up. If you can't walk 1/2 a mile at one go, then walk a block several times a day. Do what you CAN, rather than concentrating on what you CAN'T.
Ask your doctors about pain relief (both for the body pain and the headaches). Ask them to refer you for physical therapy to learn how to improve your condition and exercise safely. If your doctors are unsympathetic, then FIND NEW DOCTORS. There is no reason to put up with unsupportive caregivers -- remember, they work for YOU.
Good for you for coming here in your search for answers, and DON'T GIVE UP. You DON'T have to live the rest of your life seriously overweight and depressed. There ARE solutions -- sometimes you just have to get creative, and work on developing a more optimistic mind set. It CAN be done. I've lost 165 pounds so far and am still going strong. It's taken me over 3-1/2 years to get this far, so my results have come much more slowly than others. But, I decided when I started that I didn't care how long it took me, as long as I got there. If you lose 1 pound per month, you'll have lost 12 pounds in a year. EVERYTHING COUNTS -- every accomplishment, every ounce lost, every step taken. Let that fuel your engine, and keep pushing and experimenting and searching until you find what works for you, however slowly.
The Avon Lady
03-24-2005, 03:11 PM
I know how you are feeling..............I have been stuck at the same weight now for 6 weeks. gaining 2 pounds once a month and then going right back down to it. I am an epileptic. I did not know this until I had a total thyroidectomy. I had 2 seizures as I was coming out of my anesthesia. Anyway, I spoke to my neurogist, he told me that the medication he has me on does make losing weight tougher. Are you on any medications? such as blood pressure, etc.(I take 4- blood pressure, synthroid, and 2 seizure meds + multivitamin) If you do take meds, check the side effects.
Also, My co-worker here has had bad neck and back problems. She now goes to the Chiropractor and a water aerobics class. Water aerobics is less stressful on your joints.
Not to mention Fun. Maybe talk to your doctor about this possibility and if their are any in your area. I hope this was helpful.
P.S. My doctor told me I had to work out for 1 hr a day vigoursly to maybe accomplish anything. !/2 hr and I am exausted. This is my dissapointment.
03-29-2005, 12:37 PM
I just finished typing out a very similar vent to my friends on the WW board not more than 30 minutes ago!!! I have had back pain for about 8 years with the current flare-up lasting 6 months. I've been to the Dr. several times, on Naproxen and every possible OTC med, been to physio, until he told me there was nothing else he could offer me, tried the Chiropractor.Joined a gym this past December, but struggle to do exercises that don't irritatate my back. I am goin back to the DR. on Friday, but I don't have high hopes for any new relief. I'm not sure whether I need a stronger pain med that provides more consistent relief,perhaps I need therapy for the depression and anxiety I believe I am experiencing. I have often wondered if all the losses I have had in the last 10 years have manifested themselves out in my back pain because I haven't dealt with them completely?? I have considered trying Yoga, but am relunctant because I have no real diaganosis for my back pain. I have had an xray and a CT scan, which showed nothing unusual. Very frustrating!!!!!!!
Would love to hear from anyone else that understands our struggles and can provide support and insight.
03-29-2005, 04:36 PM
ai yi yi!!!! it's a horrible horrible situation. the pain, the inability to move, the fact that you're controlling your food intake and nothing is happening. the lack of medical help, or even medical understanding... you have my deepest sympathy. and the best i can do is to second ALL the great advice that the others have given.
trust me. i know what you're going through, having been bedridden, hospitalized, and in a nursing home. whatever steps you take to reverse the decline will help.
but if you decide that WLS is something you want to consider, please realize that it requires the same persistence and lifelong change in habits as losing it the old fashioned way does.
and you'll always be welcome on the wls forum.... it's not a choice for everyone - it's one only you can make. but it's not a quick fix by any means. the fact that your friend is dropping huge amounts of weight is a good thing, but it's up to her to make the right choices to (1) maximize her weight loss and (2) KEEP IT OFF!! which is the most important thing.