100 lb. Club - Really, really, really struggling.
03-21-2005, 04:43 PM
As most of you know I started out this year on fire, actually dropping 11 pounds since the beginning of the year. Well about 3 weeks ago or so, stress hit my life and I fill like I'm trying to swim upstream and my energy is quickly leaving me. I just cannot get back on track and get focused. Nothing makes me happy when I do well. (I'm swimming in a sweater that fit me tight 3 weeks ago, I completed the president's fitness challenge on friday, I'm still getting in my exercise about 5x a week, etc) but I just don't know what's wrong.
Last night I caught myself wanting to binge just because I could. I wasn't hungry. There wasn't anything I was craving. I just wanted to stuff my face because I could and I did. Then I realized I was sabatoging myself and managed to quit. Then this morning I managed a 2.5 pound loss from last week (and the week before) and I thought to myself that I don't deserve to be thin if I can't stay on program. This is not the Dawnyal that I know.
Yes, I've been having problems with the kids and yes I think we'll always have money problems so I don't know what is wrong. I'm about ready to have my IUD taken out just because I'm not sure if that is part of my problem. I'm getting yet another migraine--those didn't start until I got pregnant with William and now I get them about once a month. This is the third one this month though and now my ovaries and other female stuff is cramping (sorry guys if TMI) and I jsut went through this these past two weeks before that. I need to schedule my yearly checkup but I'm not sure if I want to just go through the health dept. here or find a new doc. I think I'll talk to the boss and see if I can get a booklet for our insurance.
If you got this far, thanks for taking the time to listen. I know my "down" spirit has been a pain lately.
03-21-2005, 04:53 PM
Glad you shared. That is one of the nice things about this place ~ part of what we are here for ~ to help each other through the good times and bad times. Hang in there ~ don't give up.
03-21-2005, 06:49 PM
Dawnyal - we all have down feelings... don't feel bad for it. You are a wonderful caring person, don't ever forget that! It's really impressive to me how you manage to lose weight with all the things going on in your life. Remember, this too shall pass (it's a quote from someone, dunno who, but I like it). Just hold on, get to the doctor! You are never a pain! You are always encouraging me, congratulating me, you rock girl!
03-21-2005, 08:33 PM
Dawnyal, sorry to hear you're struggling. We all go through our individual hellfire times, and it's so good we can encourage each other here when it happens. You can do this. Feeling stressed and turning to food is nothing new for any of us - we understand! Maybe you feel like all you do is deny, deny, deny when it comes to things you enjoy? Would it help to set aside some time to reward yourself with something you enjoy?
I know you're a busy lady with a heck of a lot going on in your life, but maybe you need some sane moments to just sit and relish a great cup of coffee, or to take a drive in the country. You deal with a lot of emotional withdrawals on a daily basis...So what things are major deposits in the your emotional bank? And what can we do to help encourage you?
03-22-2005, 11:09 AM
Hey, Dawnyal, I'm glad that you are brave and open enough to share your struggle with us. I was wondering if these points where it suddenly just gets harder are the mental equivalent of a plateau. I agree with Gardenwife that making some major deposits in your emotional bank is a good idea -- just like your body finally rebelling after a period of time of dieting, I think your mentality gets tired of always saying "I can't ...." So just like kicking off of a weight plateau, either you wait it out (think of it as spiritual muscle building) or decide to approach it in a different way (not saying to give up what's working for you, but try something different to distract your mind off of the habits you're ingraining, maybe something that has nothing to do with weight loss).
But it does sound like something else is going on physically and it is a good idea to get in to see the doctor. As well, you do have a lot of life stuff going. You have been doing great and you can do this!
03-22-2005, 11:16 AM
((Hugs)) Dawn. When you go to the doctor, maybe you could talk with him/her about whether you might be clinically depressed.
Please don't beat yourself up about the binge. I don't think we'll ever be binge-free. But you stopped it! you realized what you were doing! Look how far you've come.
03-22-2005, 11:22 AM
Thanks all for the support, advice, and encouragement. I really think I may be suffering from depression. About 4 times a year (with the changing of the seasons) I do go through a slump but it just feels different this time. And it's not just the weight loss. I'm going to talk with the boss this morning about finding a doc (and my taxes, different story, but we need our refund before I can see a doc).
I also had a killer migraine yesterday when I wrote that. After heading home, stopping at the grandma-in-laws storm shelter to let a tornado pass over, I got home took some meds and slept most of the evening and night away and woke up feeling better. Still not myself and still feeling sad in general but better.
03-22-2005, 01:14 PM
hormones can really wack a person out emotionally, if that might be the problem. I can usually tell if it's my hormones by the calendar. A week until my TOM? ok, that's why I just screamed at the mailman! :lol:
Also, I've had problems with depression in the past, and I know from experience that it's a very treatable condition. Even for people that have to take medication, they don't necessarily have to do so for life. I took anti-depressants for a year and have never suffered from serious depression since (it's been about 10 years).
As for the seasonal depression, whew! I am so glad this winter is coming to a close!
I'm sure it's also possible to suffer from a combination of things, pms, plus the seasonal, plus whatever. I love what Aimee wrote, this too shall pass. It's true. Take care.
03-22-2005, 06:27 PM
:write: Hey, Dawnyal - just wanted to say I'm thinking about you today!
03-22-2005, 08:21 PM
big hugs girl. just lettin ya know i'm thinkin about ya. hope you are feeling better soon.
I also started having migraines around TOM after my son was born. My dr changed my birth control a bit and that helped some. Sounds like you are going through a rough time right now. I think an assessment by your dr is a good idea but I"m not too quick to jump on the depression bandwagon. My husband takes meds for depression and in some ways I think some sessions with a therapist would be a better solution but its not one he's willing to undertake. It is too easy to throw pills at a problem and hope that does it. I also took medication for some depression symptoms but I found the side affects of the meds were worse than the actual feelings I was having. I went off them and tried to find better coping skills. I'm definately NOT saying that if you are depressed that it is a bad thing or it is bad to take medication for it as meds can be a life saver for some people. I would just try other therapies first before starting medication if I had to go through the same thing again.
03-23-2005, 12:46 PM
How are you doing Dawnyal. I'm sorry things have been going so rough for you. I know you can beat this thing.
03-23-2005, 12:52 PM
I think some sessions with a therapist would be a better solution but its not one he's willing to undertake. It is too easy to throw pills at a problem and hope that does it. I also took medication for some depression symptoms but I found the side affects of the meds were worse than the actual feelings I was having. I went off them and tried to find better coping skills. I'm definately NOT saying that if you are depressed that it is a bad thing or it is bad to take medication for it as meds can be a life saver for some people. I would just try other therapies first before starting medication if I had to go through the same thing again.
I worked with a therapist for a while before I took any medication. I think for those who feel they need it, therapy can be a great way to deal with personal issues and just changing bad patterns of thinking. The medication was what dramatically turned around the depression I was having.
I'm only speaking about my experiences, I know everybody is different and has different needs. Good luck, Dawnyal!
03-23-2005, 01:46 PM
Thanks everyone for thinking about me. I finally had a chance to actually sit down and talk with Jeff last night. I think we are going to try the "let's find new birth control method" first and see if the IUD is what's causing my problems. I haven't been myself this past year. I have no sex drive to speak of (sorry if TMI), my cycle hasn't been even normal, I still have bad mood swings like I did when I was PG, etc. So in the next couple of weeks I get to research some alternatives and find something that will work for us.
I am doing better today. I'm still having a bad migraine (3 days now). The pain will come and go. I took the migraine medication for it earlier this morning and now it's just a dull ache.
As for the weight loss front, I'm back on track with my exercise and eating. Just going to take it meal by meal/day by day.
03-23-2005, 03:02 PM
I'm so sorry you're struggling right now Dawnyal. But you've got the right idea, just taking it one step at a time until you make your way through this funk. I love your determination and how you never give up! This new lifestyle is all about making it work no matter what kind of obstacles life throws your way, and you're doing a fabulous job!! Just stick with it day after day, minute after minute, and you will find your way through. Good luck sweetie, I'm thinking about you. :grouphug:
03-23-2005, 03:32 PM
Glad to hear you are doing better on your eating and exercise. Also glad to hear you have a plan to find out whats going on.
03-24-2005, 01:54 PM
I have been reading all of your posts and I am glad that you are doing a bit better. Sometimes we just need to take a break from expecting so much from our selves. Yoour weight loss so far this year has been great but maybe it is time you sit back and not let the stress of having to lose all the time get to you. It is ok to just relax a bit and say ok I have lost and I will not over do and put that weight back on but I will relax a bit and be good to myself. Hormones can really be hard on our bodies when they are not functioning right. You are right to see a doc to check all things out and have a piece of mind that all is well in that department. Remember when you are checking out the BC department that most deal with you hormones and it will take awhile for all to settle in your body. I will keep you in my prayers that you may find peace in your life and start moving forward agaiN.
03-25-2005, 11:40 AM
Dawnyal, I know this is late but I just wanted to chime in and wish you the best. Take it day by day, like you said. I'm glad you're doing better OP, but I really hope that you'll find a way to figure out what's got you down in the dumps and kick its butt. :grouphug:
03-25-2005, 12:02 PM
I'm still doing better. I'm having issues with the MIL and as soon as she goes back to work next week Jeff and I will sit down and have a long talk about her and the relationship she has with Chris and the lack of relationship she has with Lilly and William. I have tried to let it go that she ignores my children. I've prayed about it, tried deep breathing techniques but as each day goes by and she's home (she lives a mile from us) and she makes zero effort to see them yet Chris has spent most of these past 2 weeks with her, it just agonizes me. I don't know how to get over her feelings. Other than that, the stress has all but dissappeared. Still been getting in my exercise and staying OP and looking forward to Easter. It is one of my favorite holidays.
03-28-2005, 08:50 PM
First let me thank u.. it was ur web site that led me to this site! and i love it!! ty ty ty!
I hope u are feeling better! I take a medication called topamax that is a migraine preventative.. i never knew but the migraines can also come in ur tummy as well as ur head!
so u may want to ask ur dr about a migraine preventative a side effect of this medication is appetite suppression.. thats always a good thing!!