What we really want in a weight loss support group, boils down to one concept; we are looking for a sanctuary.
Sanctuary means different things to different people. Sanctuary is a place of peace, rest, safety, and rejuvenation. It keeps our spirit and our sanity intact.
Many of us who have a long journey down the weight loss path find ourselves in need of a break. Sometimes our bodies crave it, and sometimes the choice isn't ours, but circumstances forces it upon us. Other times, we need the clamoring throng to cheer us along our way as we breeze past milestones and overcome obstacles.
Sanctuary can be all that as well. It is what you need and when you need it. Sanctuary can be found in good friends who aren’t afraid of your truths and in an open, honest atmosphere.
Sanctuary isn’t judgmental, neither does it discriminate or ask to be censured. It is open to anyone with a desire to share, and especially those in need of and willing to offer support
03-08-2005, 10:21 PM
I know you are all just waiting for my opinion on the talking!!! :lol: I was in an aerobics class once where these to people talked all the time. They were friends and used this time to "catch up". It was very distracting because you couldn't hear the instructors instructions. Our instructor made it clear, nicely, that they had to respect everyone else there also. I think in a class that the instructor has to keep control. There were two others there, a Mom and daughter, who made comments periodically and no one cared. Done :soap: (I only wrote this so I could this smiley!!)
:cheer: Kat: Great loss.
Skitt: Great to see your post. What is G.I. Diet? I want the "someone cooks for me" diet!!! ;)
Cheryll: I love the chocolate graham crackers but I want to eat more than I should. But then, I suppose it's better to eat too much of them than other chocolate. :(
I find myself wondering how it is possible for the rate of obesity to have such a high percentage - where are all those people? :lol: I wonder that too because it doesn't seem true in MY world.
I know I've let my weight hold me back in a lot of areas. I guess that is part of my motivation - I'm tired of missing out and being limited by my size. I know I use my fat as protection but have let it get to the point where I miss out on life too.
. And I don't care what emotional, mental, or phyiscal problems I've got I am still the ONLY person who controls what goes into my mouth or whether or not I exercise. I LOVE controlling things so why I haven't done better at it with food and exercise :?: Maybe it's like you said before it's a way to punish myself.
Anyway, keep sharing your rants - as you can tell by my constant quotes they are hitting home with me.
You know how we are bombarded with images of "perfect" women? Of course, we all KNOW how touched up these magazine photos are but we, or at least I, still find myself feeling less than adequate when I look at them.
Well, I came across this website and thought it was interesting. It was put up by a guy whose job it is to actually retouch or photoshop the pictures. Two in particular are of models. Now, even in the unretouched photos they are very attractive women with better than average physiques. But they aren't nearly as close to perfect as one might think - not any closer than some of the more attractive women I know in real life anyway.
So, like I said, I know pictures of women in magazines are too good to be true but this site helped me be decidedly unaffected by them. Thought you all might be entertained by it as well.
Okay, i guess its my turn to get up on that soap box. I know why i over eat. It all comes down to my childhood. The only memories i have of my dad are not very pleasant ones. The abuse my sisters and brother endured was not a physical one, but verbal. I can remember one time when i was about 13 and my body was starting to change. I was very shy and for me, the weight came first before i grew tall. I hope you know what i mean. Anyway, my father made it a point to find out just how much i weighed. He would ask me when we were visiting friends, in front of my friends or just about anywhere when we were in public. I can still here his voice in my head. One day i was sick of him asking me, so i told him. 150 pounds at age 13. He told everyone. I felt embarrassed and helpless. This man was my father and yet he made me feel stupid and worthless. Well, that day i took control of one thing, my food. Instead of not eating, i started eating anything and everything. The way i looked at it back then was, if my dad wanted this thin perfect daughter, then that is the one thing i was not going to be. It was my way of hurting him the way he hurt me all my childhood. Of corse now that I'm a grown woman, i can see that i was hurting myself more than i was hurting him. To this day, I have to remind myself that i am worth all the work and effort i put into getting myself in shape.
When i turned 18 i moved out and never looked back. It wasn't till my dad died about 3 years ago that i started talking to my mom again. All those years wasted. I try not to think or talk about my childhood. To depresseing. I know the scares are still there, and when i think of him all i want to do is reach for that bag of potato chips. So i push those memories so far down that no one will ever see the scares and the pain and i do that with food. Ever so often, one comes to the surface and that is when i start eating and cant stop.
I have a picture of my mom, brother and sisters that was taken in the hospital about an hour after my dad died. There we are, smiling happy faces. How sad.
Well its late and i must get some sleep. Thanks for listening.
03-09-2005, 12:36 AM
jawsmom, just popped onto your thread and saw the link to the retouching site. Great stuff. It was entertaining. I especially liked the way he took the belly off the black guy! :lol:
03-09-2005, 01:13 AM
Hi, everyone. I used to be a regular at 3FC, but I've not been on in a long time.
It was really nice to come here and read what everyone's said on their soap box. After seeing the site that jawsmom (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/member.php?u=34999) shared with us, I don't feel like I have to meet certain standards as bad as I did. I'll post that link on my journal.
My husband recently told me he wanted me to look like Lindsay Lohan. Hah, I'll jump right on that. I hate feeling like I have to meet someone's standard, and up until recently, I was always really concerned with what people thought of me. My first boyfriend told me he wanted to get me 'the ultimate hourglass figure'... Okay, so he wanted me to be Catherine Zeta-Jones? It seems like my whole life, I've been striving to be what someone else wanted me to be.
I caught my husband cheating on me two months ago with a girl who is tiny compared to me. She's big into sports and she's pretty, and blah blah blah. It was about two weeks before that that he told me he wanted me to look like Lindsay Lohan. I've never been thin. He met me right after I turned 18 and I weighed 206 pounds. I weigh less now than I did then, and he married me when I was at 215. I'm not entirely sure where his sudden fascination with skinny women came from, but I've decided that I really don't care what he thinks of me anymore. What really matters is what I think of myself, so I'm going to work really hard for me.
I got teased a lot in high school for wearing green shirts because I looked like a planet, or for having my own gravitational pull. People can be so ridiculously cruel. I seriously can't think of a time I've been happy in my own skin. When the 'you're fat' comments started really bad, I was twelve-years-old. The only thing I really remember from that time in my life was a tall, slender girl named Porcha who would tease me about my weight on a daily basis. I was 13 when the planet jokes started, 14 when my boyfriend said I should have 'the ultimate hour glass figure', 15 when my best friend told me I was disgusting, 16 when my uncle told me I was nasty because I weighed 20 pounds more than he did and was half his age and a foot shorter, and 17 when I really did get fat. I didn't become obsessed with my weight until I was about 18. I started taking diet pills and it got pretty ugly. I've been on the Atkins diet, I've been on diet pills, I've been bulimic, I've been anorexic, and all because other people hated the way I look. I hated it, too, but I was never really doing it for myself.
I've been down this road so many times for the wrong reason. Deep down, it's always really been about someone else, but I want it to be about me this time. I want to be able to say I'm perfectly healthy, and I want to live an active life. I want to go out and play ball with my friends, and I want to be able to run, and all the great things that come with being fit.
My diatribe is done!
03-09-2005, 01:47 AM
michi, heh there. I just was surfing the threads, dropped in here and then here you are! Remember, from the 21-day challenge, wasn't it? Wow, sorry to hear you're having such a time with the husband. Are you staying with him after he cheated on you? I'd dump him for sure! Really do something for YOU. Well, I already am a regular on three other threads, don't know if I should join this one. Just wanted to say hi and good to hear from you. Best of luck. More power to you michi! :strong:
c bo be
03-09-2005, 08:23 AM
Gloria: Hi sweetie, I just read your post and it brings tears to my eyes. I guess I can relate because I had a similar situation but with my mom. Not physical abuse but mental. I have to get busy and head to work, but when I get a chance sometime today I want to send you a private message. You are not weak but a very strong person to endure your childhood and still be here. You are strong, worthy of being your best. Anyway, gotta go but will catch ya later. Sniff, sniff. Cheryll
03-09-2005, 11:04 AM
Gloria and Cheryll, bless you both. I have to say that I grew up with two incredible, loving parents. But, my mom grew up with a verbally and physically abusive father. She was the oldest and grew up trying to protect and take care of everyone else. To this day she can't stop trying to solve everyone else's problems and sees shortcomings in herself that just aren't there. Of course, she grew up in a time that the wife in that situation didn't have many options. It wasn't like my grandmother could walk out, get a job, and take care of her three children. And society certainly turned a blind eye - my gradfather, till the day he died, was one of the most loved and respected men in their community. Anyway, my mom also married at 17 or 18 probably as much as an escape as for love. I know how fortunate that my sister and I are that our parent's marriage has not only survived but flouished. From the time she married my mom set out to prove her dad wrong. Not just in the lifestyle that she led but in the way she raised her children. Well, she says she was doing it to prove him long. Personally, I think she was still just striving to please him and make him proud. Today she battles alcoholism. Now this is a women that I never saw so much as have a glass of wine with dinner until well after I had graduated college. Which, by the way, was never an option for my sister or I. My mother made very clear that we WOULD be well educated because she wanted us to be able to "escape" and take care of ourselves if we ever had to. I guess my point is, that a person has to face these demons at some point. You can only bury them for so long. In my mothers case, she was able to bury them for as long as she had to in order to take care of her family. But as soon as we were grown and on our own she didn't have important enough to focus on and, sure enough, here come all of those feelings and emotions. And I have to say, it is so frustrating for my sister and I. We want her to see herself the way WE see her but she isn't going to get there without some professional help. And she says she's too old for that. We feel so helpless and, quite frankly, angry. I feel like we'll work it all out as a family but it is so very tiring in the meantime.
Michi, I am sorry you are facing such difficult issues in your marriage. Just remember that you can't control other people - only yourself. So figure out what YOU know is right and then bite the bullet and do it. As hard as it is to do we all have to put ourselves first sometimes and this is definately your time. And make no mistake, your husband is living in a fantasy world. Lindsey Lohan is BELOW AVERAGE in the looks department. Have him google for some pictures of her without make up and lighting. I know a TON of girls much, much prettier than her. Does she have a great body? Well sure she does - she BOUGHT it. Let us not forget that she has record and production companies shelling out a lot of money to market her in such a way that will sell CDs and movie tickets.
One of the best quotes I EVER heard from a celebrity was by Cindy Crawford who said, "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford!"
As for this super skinner trend we see, well, I think a good friend of mine said it best, "I don't want to date or marry a woman as skinny as that - it would be like humping a bag of elbows. Those girls need to eat a sammich."
And, let me ask you this. Does your husband look anything like Brad Pitt? Jude Law? George Clooney? I didn't think so. His issues with you and/or your looks are just that. HIS ISSUES. I have yet to meet a person who treats other people with so little respect because they feel good about themselves. None of his actions are a reflection on you - they just show how little he thinks of himself. Degrading other people is just a means to an end - it's the easiest way to make yourself seem better by comparison. But it doesn't work. Everyone but him sees it for what it is. And I bet he's convinced you it is true too. Well, I don't know you but I can say for certain that he is NOT better than you. None of us are better than anyone. Period.
Okay, on a MUCH lighter note. I found two really great things. I am a fanatic about my house smelling good. If any of you use plugins, they have a fabulous new scent called Suddenly Spring. There is also an air freshening spray in the same scent. I love them. They really do smell like spring - not too perfumey. Also, my sister gave me some scented candles and air spray that are AWESOME. They are by Trapp. My favorite scent is "Bobs Flower Shop." Unlike any other scented candles I've ever tried these actually smell good the entire time they burn, not just the first couple of minutes. And they are strong enough that you don't need one in every room. I lit one in my kitchen and another in our den and they made the whole downstairs smell good. We buy them at our local pharmacy (family run, not a chain). But I found that I can order them in bulk on the internet cheaper than I can buy them. So, she and I are going to place an order together so we can take advantage of the discount and free shipping and just split the candles.
Alrighty, the gym sucked last night. I really am not burned out but I just didn't have it in me last night. I did not give my all in the class and couldn't even finish 20 minutes on the eliptical or bike. So, I give myself credit for showing up and giving some effort. It was better than nothing and having not skipped all together means that I don't feel "off track."
So what does everyone have going on today? We've got cold (okay, okay, 53 isn't COLD but everything is relative!), rainy weather so I'll have to fight the boredom munchies. Usually, the kids would keep me busy but they are both feeling a little under the weather so I expect them to be a little lazy today. OOOH, I hope they get cranky and fight all day - that would be GREAT! That way I'll be bored AND stressed. That always makes it easier to eat LESS. LOL!
You all take care. I'll be back later to check in on everyone.
03-09-2005, 11:08 AM
Hello redballoon and michireiko. I hope you do join us. I have learned that no one in this group expect anyone to be anything but what they are. You can talk about anything here, even if you have a different opinion from everyone else, thats okay to. That is what makes us strong. You don't have to tip toe or walk on egg shells here.
michireiko-I have learned that trying to live up to someone's expectations of what they think you should be, will send you into depression, and that can be very damaging not only to yourself, but to everyone around you. Been there, done that. It doesn't work. My wonderful husband of 32 years even tried that crap on me when we were first married. I think he wanted a leave it to Beaver family with me being June Cleaver. Well, i don't ware high heals, and i don't wear dresses. My house is not always picture perfect clean, and thats okay. My name is Gloria, not June Cleaver. If your husband thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the hill, then i say he will never see the beautiful person you are now.
Well, i hope both of you join us. Its a great palce to be.
Talk to you soon.
03-09-2005, 01:16 PM
Hey everyone :)
Day One accomplished, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. The power went out here for just over an hour, and I decided to get outside and spend some time with neighbors and family. It was brighter outside, so everyone was out and about. My neighbor, Jenny, and I took off for a walk, and I actually made it an entire mile! Wahoo! Jenny needed a break from her little ones and I needed to be out in some sunshine because the house was getting me down. Worked for both of us, plus I got the major feeling of accomplishment over walking that far. :)
Day Two is starting off well enough. I'm a bit bluesy this morning because some money didn't come through that was supposed to be here, and I have sososo many medical bills waiting to be paid. I've eaten a healthy breakfast and snack already, but cravings are just waiting around the corner, for some reason. I'm going to get up and go for a walk really fast here to get my head screwed back on straight.
I loved what everyone had to say about body image. I really am usually the largest person in any given room, but sometimes it appears to me like everyone else is a size 10 and under around me. I think that isn't necessarily the wrong impression. The larger you are, the more likely you are to hide out in your own house and venture out only when necessary. When I think of it that way, I get kind of impressed with myself and my own inner strength. I'm out there doing it instead of hiding inside my little cocoon.
I remember how I used to look at morbidly obese people walking down the streets and pity them, but now I look at them and cheer them on. They are out and moving! They aren't letting the world's opinion drag them down and keep them hidden away, out of sight.
The same goes for the gym. I know at water aerobics I had to choose whether to be offended or happy over a comment someone made to me. She said that I was really brave to be in their class. Well, I was there having fun and exercising. Being brave never even came to mind. Until her comment, I had never thought about being the largest person in the class. I decided to not let it get me down. There were tiny little women there in their 80's with all sorts of loose, hanging skin, and women who were 8 months pregnant, swollen bellies, ankles and all. Everyone had their own reason to be there, and it was a fantastic melting pot. I decided that if my being the largest person in a swimsuit made it easier for someone else to get in the pool, then so be it! I was doing something that made me feel terrific. :)
Redballoon and Michireiko, glad to meet you both! You are both most welcome here, and we would love getting to know you better.
Michireiko, I am sorry you are having a tough time. Sometimes situations like this can bring on major personal growth. I know from personal experience that you can come out the other end stronger and more resilient, even though sometimes it feels like you are in the fires of **** first. *HUGS*
Tricia, smell goods are so nice! Right now there are enough things coming into bloom that I have just been opening windows and letting it all in. I even picked up some flowers yesterday and left them sitting on my dining table because the scent was so springy and wonderful. They will get planted this afternoon, but it was nice to enjoy them all this morning. :)
Kat, thank you for the dusting off speech. :) I know you and Lucky have both been there, because I have seen it happen. From what I'm reading, sounds like everyone else has been as well. Thanks for not giving me the :drill: and knowing what I really needed was an open and accepting heart.
I have a limited window of opportunity for that walk, and it is diminishing swiftly! I could sit here for hours longer doing replies and getting my head clear, but the walk will do me a lot of good as well.
See you later!
03-09-2005, 06:24 PM
Most of you already know how much i love graphics. Well, i was thinking about the link that Tricia posted and was wondering how i could put my face in there and have it touched up. Well, i did it and low and behold, i look just like Cindy Crawford. All i had to do was change my eyes, nose, lips, hair, shape of my face, body starting at my neck and working my way down and place a mole above my lip and there you have it. Cindy Crawfords twin sister. Just kidding. Talk to you soon.
03-09-2005, 11:05 PM
Anybody remember me saying that you can tell when I am having trouble staying on plan because I'll be posting every half hour? Well, here I am again! I've had a few less than 1500 calories today so I am right on track. But, I've had the munchies today and with another hour or so before bedtime I still have time to blow it. The interesting thing is that I've come to really dislike that overly full feeling. And the longer I do this the quicker I get to that point. Knock on wood, but sometimes it can be a real chore to eat enough these days. So, right now I'm actually toeing the line of feeling too full. For whatever reason, though, I've got the urge to nitpick through the kitchen. I don't know why I even have to debate this with myself. I already feel close to yucky from being stuffed and I know eating more will make me feel physically ill. Why on earth is snacking even a condsideration at this point? It just doesn't make any sense. Thank goodness for our SANCTUARY or I would have already shoveled all but the kitchen sink in my mouth by now!
Come to think of it, all day today I've been having a "fat" day. You know when you first lose any amount of weight you feel thin regardless of your actual size. I've lost a decent amount of weight but I've been hovering in the 169-171 range so long that I am used to it and don't feel any thinner at this weight then I did at 214 - if that makes sense. I guess what I mean is that I've been below my highest weight for so long that how I feel now isn't compared to 214 anymore, so 169 just doesn't feel as thin as, say 180 did by comparison. There is a BIG physical difference between 214 and 180. Not such a big one between 180 and 169. So, the 1 lb loses just aren't making the mental impact that they were a month or so ago.
Now I am just rambling incoherently. Forgive me, please.
And there you have it. I've whittled away enough time that if I go piddle getting my face washed and teeth brushed it will be bedtime and I'll have avoided ingesting a single extra calorie. THIS SANCUTARY IS AWESOME!
Catch you all in the a.m.
03-10-2005, 02:59 AM
jawsmom, you can do this! Hang in there! :cheer: :cheer:
03-10-2005, 03:02 AM
qsilver, 5dogs thanks so much for the welcome. I just may join up. This thread sounds like you have a bunch of sweet people. Problem is I already am a regular on three others and may be spreading myself too thin (I wish!!) but maybe I can do it!
03-10-2005, 05:46 AM
Ok, people, third little post in a row there and I haven't even really "joined" the thread. I posted this on the other threads and just thought someone here might enjoy it. I just think it's a great quote, think of this when you're beaten down by life and in danger of losing sight of your dreams. . .
* * * * * * *
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
it is real,
it is possible,
it is YOURS."
* * * * * * *
03-10-2005, 10:31 AM
Good morning to all. Its a beautiful day in the neighbor hood. Okay, i woke up this morning with hubby singing the Mr. Rogers song. He's such a great guy.
Redballoon, i see you are in Tokyo. My son was an exchange student in Japan about 8 years ago. He met his now wife there who was also an exchange student. When Will came back a year later, he had changed considerably. His social skills had improved and he was no longer a child/man but this responsible adult. Gosh darn good looking to.
I agree with you Tricia. This SANCTUARY is a great place to be. I think of it as having a lot of good friends at my fingertips. I've only been here about a month but it has changed my whole outlook on life and the struggles i have with losing weight. Telling people about my ups and downs of daily routine events helps tremendously, but i have also found that reading about how other people go through the same ups and downs helps me feel like I'm not the only one in the boat and the boat is not sinking.
My food consumption this week has been good but the exercise thing has been almost nonexistent. Went to the Y on sunday and i think i might have pulled a muscle because my side hurt come monday morning. I took monday off so i wouldn't do any more damage, come tuesday, it was cold and windy so didn't go into the pool or do any kind of exercising. No excuse for that one. Yesterday (Wednesday) it was cold, rainy and nasty. Still no exercise. I am starting to wonder what is going on with me.
Cheyrll, did you get my message?
How was your walk Andria? I find it amazing how a good walk, fresh air and good music can do wonders for the sole.
Have to get this day started so will ta ta for now.
03-10-2005, 01:15 PM
Hey everyone :)
Good morning! The walk yesterday was really good. I made it a mile again! That makes twice since surgery. :) I'm not sure if I could do it again today. My leg swelled some yesterday and stayed that way through the rest of the day. I'm going to ask for Tony's input on that one, but common sense says to walk a shorter distance. :)
The day had a really interesting end. I was called in to work from 6-11:30. When I arrived, the girls were in the middle of a goodbye group. Four girls are graduating our program today, and they have this huge group where the graduating student says something to each girl and the girls say something to her. It was really tender, and I felt honored to be there. One of the girls graduating is a favorite of mine. She really touched my heart, and it is hard to see her go, even though I am truly happy for her. The best thing about this goodbye group is that the student is also allowed to say something to staff and we are allowed to say something to her in return. I was sobbing so hard when she told me how much she loves me and how much of an impact I have had on her life. You can't stop tears like that from running down your face.
I slept in this morning, and my day needs to get moving! The work rotation starts again tonight, plus I want to attend that graduation ceremony this evening. Busy day ahead of me... Blah! I want to stay home and be a vegetable! :lol:
c bo be
03-10-2005, 03:47 PM
Gloria, I got your message. Thanks for sharing. I sent you another private message.
Also, I'm on my 5th day of counting calories on my nutricounter and I've lost 4 lbs.
Plus, I've exercised 3 days so far this week. I feel like my spirit has been lifted and feel more in control. I have had cravings today for sweets, though. Really bad. I sometimes buy those little bags of snack cookies that are 100 cal. a bag. today I had some choc. cookies and dipped them in sugar free pudding snack. tot. cal. 160.
This weekend will be the real test. We are having people over for cards on frid. night and our euchre club meets on sat. night. Everyone brings tons of food. I must be strong. I am making a big plate of fruit, and some other low cal snack to nibble on.
Plus one of my weight watcher recipies for choc. peanut butter pie. It's made with low fat choc. ice cream. only 170 cal. Hopefully I will not endulge in all the other junk food.
Anyway, I have to work tonight. honor society is having a big spaghetti dinner tonight for parents and I will be cooking the food.
03-10-2005, 04:23 PM
Andria, I know just how you feel. My knee doesn't give me much trouble but I do get occasional swelling. Probably not as bad as you since you so recently had your surgery but certainly enough to be annoying. I usually just switch my exercise to something with less impact, like riding a bike. The worst part is that I know whatever exercise I've done isn't the culprit - it's the weight my poor knees have to withstand while I do that exercise! I never do anything with high impact but when you are overweight there isn't such a thing as NO impact. Oh, well, just one more thing to add to the list of reasons I HAVE to keep going.
Okay, guys. I took my first yoga/pilates class this morning. It was a good workout but, I gotta say, I didn't love it like everyone else seems to. No reason really. I think I've just programed myself to need that "winded" feel when I'm done exercising. I'm going to keep going to the class though. Like I said, it was a good workout and I may grow to like it more as I get more accustom to the stances and all. Anyway, went to the yoga/pilates class then stayed for a low impact aerobics class, walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes and then did my weights. I LOVE doing my exercise before lunch. It doesn't feel like such a chore for some reason. Maybe because I'm not juggling quite so much around the time.
And I am proud to report that we met Greg for lunch at the club and I did really well. I had a small cup of vegetable beef soup and a small side salad. I did have regular ranch dressing (they don't have light and I DON'T like vinegarettes on salad) but I measured out 1 tablespoon so not too much damage was done. Just as we were getting ready to leave a group of ladies (all tan, thin, and fit) came in from playing tennis and were seated behind us. Of the six, three ordered cheeseburgers and fries (the burgers there are 1/2 lb and AWESOME), one ordered a Cobb salad which is loaded with bacon, cheese, eggs, etc., one ordered a Philly CheeseSteak with fries, and the other fried chicken strips (6 per order) and fries. I have to tell you, it was all I could do not to stay long enough to see if they ate it all. Of course, it is none of my business, but I am facinated by people who seemingly eat whatever they want and stay trim. I guess SEEMINGLY is the key word. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
It is time for me to start getting some after school snacks together. Hope you all have terrific afternoon!
03-10-2005, 07:02 PM
Tricia, my husband is one of those people who can eat anything and not gain an ounce. He has been like that since the day we were married and its so frustrating to see him eating ice cream every night. I know that if the junk food were not in the house, i wouldn't eat it. When i try to hide it from myself, he gets upset because he cant find it. One day he wanted to know where the oreo's were. "Top shelf in the pantry, behind the mixing bowls and napkins". He ended up taking everything down just to find them. Can you tell i LOVE oreo's and milk?
Did not exercise today. Just cant get myself jump started. Have any of you been through this? I was doing so good and i read all your post how your walking and doing yoga/pilates classes and here i am, nothing. Maybe tomorrow i will start again.
Have to get supper started so will sine off.
03-10-2005, 09:39 PM
Oh, Gloria, I know just what you mean. Greg is the same way. And when he does put on a few pounds you can't tell. Then when he decides to lose it - BAM - it is gone without me ever knowing he was ever trying to lose. And without a step of exercise.
I absolutely go through phases when I just don't want to exercise. I just try to remember that it isn't usually the workout that I don't want to do. It's the getting changed, putting on my shoes, driving there, that I don't feel like. Only on very rare occasions have I forced myself to the gym and not felt good when I was done and left wondering why on Earth I didn't want to go in the first place. There is that rare trip, though, when I get there and my heart just isn't in it. I don't work as hard or as long but I give myself credit for doing SOMETHING. Nobody is 100% all of the time. I just try to remember that the longer I put it off the harder it is going to be. And, if I take too much time off I've effectively wasted all of the effort I've done so far because it doesn't take long to lose the stamina and strength I've built.
My inlaws are coming down to visit in April. I am trying to plan ahead because I know it will be a challenge to keep up my good work in the food department. I consider myself very close to them, especially my MIL, but even after 9 years of marriage I feel like I have to impress them. And since cooking is my best talent I like to make all of our southern favorites. On top of that, they are going to keep the kids for a few days during their stay so that Greg and I can get away together. I can't wait but I'm already trying to find something that we can do that won't revovle around food. It has been a long time that I planned an outing that didn't! It has always been about what favorite restaraunt we can vist, etc. I guess this is the type of stuff the experts are talking about when they speak of lifestyle changes opposed to diets, huh?
Talk to you all in the morning!
03-11-2005, 11:37 AM
I have a problem that i would like your thoughts on. I have an aunt (my fathers sister) whom i talk to by way of I.M. buddy. We started talking to each other this way about three years ago and she has helped me deal with my feelings about my father. We never had any long conversations face to face till i invited her to come and visit us here in Florida last year. When she came down, i discovered that her mannerisms are just like my father. My aunt even sounds like my dad. When she was here all i wanted to do was scream and tell her to shut up! Now, when i talk to her by way of the computer, all i can think of is a female version of my dad. I don't know what to do. She is a nice lady, but my childhood was bad enough when i went through it, i don't want to relive it again every time i talk to her. Also, before she came down and we talked through the I.M. buddy, all we ever talked about was my dad, now that i am starting to deal with my anger, she still just wants to talk about how rotten things were when i was little. Even when i try to change the subject, she brings us back to the same topic.
Do you have any advice for me?
03-11-2005, 12:08 PM
Hey! I have a lot of catching up to do....gonna read everything and be back later!
03-11-2005, 08:22 PM
Like Kat, I have to catch up - but I just got home from the dentist and have to let the Advil kick in first!!! You wouldn't want to hear what I have to say now!!!! OUCH... :(
03-11-2005, 08:34 PM
Tricia, i was going to respond to your post but now i cant find it. Is anyone else having trouble or is it just me?
03-12-2005, 01:32 AM
It isn't you Gloria, I deleted it. I came back later and re-read my post and, while I meant all that I said, I realized that some of it was stuff that I wouldn't have wanted my in-laws to read. I know they would never actually find their way here but I felt like if it wasn't something I would be comfortable with them seeing then it isn't post on a public forum. Sort of the old rule if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. I wanted to rethink what I had to say and try to make my point without being so critical of my FIL.
I think that you may have to be politely blunt to your aunt and tell her that you don't want to discuss your childhood with her anymore. Make sure she knows that you may want her to be there for you eventually but, for now, you need to do it on your own. She may be addressing her own history through you. Perhaps the apple didn't fall far from the tree and she has similar memories of her own, maybe even directly related to your dad instead of hers.
I don't have any advice as to being irritated by her mannerisms, etc. But I bet they won't bother you as much once you've come to terms with the relationship you had with your dad. I think it has to be similar to when you lose someone that you love any reminder of them will bring tears to your eyes. But as you come to grips with the loss, memories don't have the same emotional impact. They may be just as potent but we react to them differently as time goes by. So, maybe once you've gotten to a more comfortable place emotionally you won't have such a strong reaction to the similarities she shares with your father.
You are doing the right thing by facing your feelings head on. It will take a lot of courage and a lot of work. But you are up to the task and will emerge a stronger more empowered woman in the end.
Now, on a diet and fitness note - I went shopping today. I decided that the reason I am relying so heavily on the scale is because I haven't been able to see my progress since I'm still swallowed up clothes in too big of sizes. I didn't get much, just a pair of pants and a new pair of boots. But, the pants were size 12 and are actually fairly loose. Wouldn't have been able to fit a 10 yet though, darn it. Anyway, it was just the pick me up I needed. It felt really good to go out (I had a Mary Kay party to attend) and feel comfortable and confident in how I looked. I had a lot of compliments and that also made me feel good. It was all just what I needed. I have to admit I think I was starting to run out of steam. I wasn't ready to give up but I didn't want to jump through all of the hoops for what seemed like nothing either. So, I've talked to Greg and he has agreed to hang out with the kids tomorrow so that I can do a little more shopping. I don't want much - just a few outfits so that I can feel good about all of the hard work I'm doing. I can't believe I am actually looking forward to it. Shopping hasn't been enjoyable for me in a long, long time. I tell you, being short AND fat does not make finding clothes any fun!