Support Groups - Battle of the Bulge #12

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Crime girl
02-13-2005, 10:20 AM
Here is the new thread...enjoy!

Just a reminder- today is weigh in day.


Monday- support day and a good day for tips on staying motivated

Tuesday- support day and a good day for reasons why we want to lose- I think that keeps us motivated more than anything when we reexamine why we want to lose..

Wednesday- "what have I been eating all week day" and I want to start trying to get everyone to share quick recipes or tips on cooking that work for them.

Thursday- "what I have done to move my bootie day" and I want to get everyone to start giving us an idea on how they work exercise into their lives and the things they enjoy doing.

Friday- support and influence day- lets make this a day we talk about anything or anyone that influenced our weight loss for the week- things like friends giving bad foods or a partner that supported our efforts.

Saturday- recap day- lets talk about the things we thought worked for us for the week and those that didn't- this might help us see where we strayed and where we stood firm.

Sunday- weigh in day and reaffirm goal day- give us an idea of your goals for the week, month, and long term.

Have a great day everyone!

02-13-2005, 12:40 PM
CG-hi. I think I will weigh in on Valentine's day to see if I met my 10 pound goal. I hope you and the bf's challenge is going well.

Red-I firmly believe you are how you think you are. It is like a self-fufilling prophecy. If you envision yourself as being successful you will be. If you think you are a failure then you will be. I think that you are a cool lady, now you need to think and know that you are. I think that so many people think negative and that reflects in everything they do and how they do it. We are only given one life and we choose how we live it. For example, I have a patient right now who is 400+ pounds. He is very unmotivated. To me there is not a much worse thing than an unmotivated person. Whenever I see him I try to motivate him but all the motivation in the world that I give him doesn't mean anything if he doesn't believe that he can get better. The mind is a powerful thing and I believe there really is something to do with the mind body connection. There are so many examples of this that I can go on and on. We will not lose weight without determination and the belief that we can do it. We did not gain weight overnight. It took time to gain it and it will take time to lose it. I am so proud of you for going to the gym. You have been there before and you know how empowering it is. The key is consistency. We should be consistent in everything that we do in life. I llok forward to this next challenge b/t us. You will do it. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

When I look back to how I gained the weight I realize that it was emotional eating that caused much of it. This week I plan on trying to keep my eating under control and be in control. I have a choice in losing this weight. I do not want diabetes. I do want to be able to be healthy and not have to worry about others taking care of me. I want to Live Strong. I saw an episode of Oprah the other day featuring Lance Armstrong. When you talk about role models this guy fits the bill. He had testicular cancer, tumors in his brain and lungs. He fought and he fought hard and he went on to win several Tour de France races. Now that is motivation and determination.

We can do this. We need to do this. For ourselves, for our loved ones. This is our life so let's lose this weight!

02-13-2005, 01:51 PM
Hello everyone...

You all seem like a smart dedicated group. That's exactly what I need.

Let me tell you what's up with me...My name's Murphy, I'm 32 and I recently quit my job to finish writing my first book. My job was REALLY tough and hostile, which I why I coudn't just do it in the evenings.

Anyway, I had been having really good success at my weightloss goal. I have been bouncing between 185-200 for years, but when I stuck with weight watchers on the third try, I finally made it down into the 170s. My goal is 160, so you can imagine how exciting that was!

At first, being at home I was doing very well, got down to 168 (wow! WOW!)
But I fell of the wagon and am up to 176. Man! In barely more than a week. Anyway, I really don't want the whole being-right-near-the-fridge part of working at home to take over all my progress.

At the same time, I think that I can find better support on daily boards like these than once a week weigh-ins...

We'll see. But I hope that we can all get to know one another and work on this. It's a lifetime struggle. I have always had to watch my weight. My highest was 230.

Oh yeah, I am 5'11" so, if 160 sounds high to you average-height ladies, it works for me.


I guess that's enough for now. Maybe as time goes on I can put one of those cute indicators at the bottom of my posts...

Nice to meet you all!

02-13-2005, 04:26 PM
Hi Murphy. Welcome to the board! Everyone here is great and there is a lot of support. Our leader, Crime Girl, keeps us on track. She is also writing a book, so you two have that in common. I am originally from Louisiana. What part do you live in?

02-13-2005, 04:40 PM
I should have put L.A.

Los Angeles


I've never been to Louisiana, but I would really like to go. If I'd stayed at my job, I would have been there for a convention in May...

Oh well!

So, CrimeGirl is doing a book too?
My instincts were good!

Thank you!

02-13-2005, 05:08 PM
Hi guys, glad to see someone was writing. I'm not going to spend too much time posting as I want (this is a relative term) to get out and go to the gym before work today and that means a 50-min. walk. It's already going on 6 a.m. here so I have to get moving. Work is an hour earlier now. They keep screwing with the schedules. God, I hate that place! I want out so bad but have not found something I can do and fit in to my juggle. The publishing house work is just too intense to be sitting there staring at manuscripts. I haven't changed. I can't take the morguelike atmosphere. Still, I do some work at home which I can do in bursts of concentration, then do something else. Still, overall the money is ****.

Crime girl -- thanks for the horoscope and the new thread. You seem to think there is someone new in my life or someone coming into it, but there isn't that I can see. I'm not even looking anymore. The other gym is one I actually don't feel comfortable in because the people are not serious enough for me. I love the one I go to but it's a chore to get there. There are other branches but I don't go to them for the very reason that not only are they far but they don't have the feeling I want in them. Still, I'm thinking that too enough these days, with the cold and my busier schedule I make the excuse and a quite legitimate one that I can't go. If I join the one in the neigbhorhood maybe I can see it as a quick fix, a place to just go, quick, do something and get out and home in less than 5 minutes. Because I have to carry everything with me, changes of clothes along with my already rather heavy pack, it becomes quite a drag on my psyche. Demi Moore just doesn't do it for me. She's much too scrawny! But you're right, there are people out there. It's just hard because I'm in Japan and women here just are so totally not like me, so utterly and totally it's not funny. And I don't want to be anything like them at all. Love all your expressions. I can use the "got to see a man about a horse" but since I'm actually with people who would take this seriously, they may think I'm deserting them and then desert me! So Crime girl, did you weigh in? How is your weight coming along? Have you gotten any of the extra you put on recently off again? I know it must be hard with your incredibly hectic schedule but let's at least keep hope!

stormy -- and, how about you? Did you weigh in? I did yesterday and yes I was up from last week. Was 74.6 kg! Ridiculous, but totally understandable. I think a lot was due to the very salty things I've been eating or was eating those past few days just off sugar. I'm not going to fret. I want to make this an interesting journey. Trying to think what things I CAN eat and make them a little more interesting. The other day I put mozarella cheese on an onion bagel and then salsa and mixed Italian herbs sprinkled on top and grilled it in the toaster oven at work. It was delicious!! Stormy, I don't think I'm cool but thanks. I want to look cool too and I don't and this is affecting me. I mean, OK, I could be but I think I sabotage myself because I just see my efforts as nuts, which is what everyone, almost everyone around me says. I find them utterly boring, utterly frustrating, they just don't GET it and yet they pounce on me (when they've been drinking) and really lay into me with the criticism. I really can't understand it. They think they have it all worked out and I look at them and see nothing I would want to emulate at all. Ah, yeah, just a bad crowd. That guy I met the other evening was like, "I think you have so much opportunity" and then he came out with all these very viable ideas I was incredulous (I use that word a lot, don't I? incredibly, incredible, incredulous) and it was SO nice to hear something different. And this guy is so successful. He told me how he risked everything, was worrying about where the next few hundred bucks were going to come from and now he's dealing in matters of hundreds of thousands of dollars (this is the racing business). He said the jump would be scary and he was so right. It didn't sound scary when I had all that Dutch courage flowing through my veins but in the light of a sober day, it sure did, does! Stormy, you are so sweet for trying to motivate your patient. I am the same. I see people and I want to motivate them, want to inspire them. So often they don't see where I've been, don't believe me if I tell them, look at me now and think I'm so different, or hear what I used to do and think I'm just nuts. I don't know what makes it click for someone or if it's a long process but I do think we just have to keep trying. Thank you for being proud of me and believing in me. Yes, I look forward to the next challenge. Good luck with reining in the emotional eating. Sometimes I think we just don't have enough places to put our emotions. Society wants us to be so staid, so controlled and contained. I used to think Japan was bad and America was more open about feelings but now I don't think so. In fact, I think Americans are more afraid of "hurting someone's feelings" AND because they're apt to tell you if they think you're out of line with something you said, give you less freedom than here. In any case, I think we all need something we can express ourselves with so we don't have to try to suppress feelings with food.

doingmybest -- Welcome aboard. I'm not one of the "smart" ones on this thread and the "dedicated" part is doubtful too. :lol: But maybe you can enjoy my input nonetheless. Are you from Louisiana or Los Angeles? What are you writing about? Well, I hope you find the support you're looking for. I hope you give a lot too! ;) 5' 11" Wow! Take off about 10 inches and you've got me. Are you still on WW? I do a lot of work at home but I find I don't overeat much when I'm here. It's when I don't enjoy being where I am (such as at work) that I snack and just eat mindlessly. Still, I am sure never to bring things in to my home so that helps. At work, there can be lots of temptations and that includes all the stores nearby! Well, good luck and let's hear lots from you!

OK, gotta run. I wrote too much as it was. Will not have time for much of a breakfast now otherwise it'll affect my gym work.

Come on people. Where are you all?!?!

02-13-2005, 05:25 PM
Hello All!

Sorry I haven't posted. I don't have internet at my house, so I can only post when I am at work or when I am at my parents or brothers house.

Been doing very good this weekend. I cleaned my house really good yesterday. Took me all day, but I got it done. It was sort of early spring cleaning. I wiped everything down and scrubbed the floors! Which is something I hate to do! I scrubbed the kitchen floor so hard my hand swelled up and I couldn't use it for the rest of the afternoon.

I know today is weigh-in day, but I usually weigh on Mondays, so I will post my weight tomorrow.

Crime Girl - I will be more than happy to send you a copy of my list. Right now it is very small...calories for fruits and things. But, I left a lot of spaces and have been writing in a lot of stuff. I won't send you those because they are meals I eat regularly. You can use the blank spaces to record your own meals.

When I was in college, I also studied on Friday and Saturdays. That is one reason why I watch so much tv now. When I was in school, I never watched anything that wasn't educational! My family used to make so much fun of me! They'd be talking about a show, and I'd have no idea of what they were talking about!

Red - Thanks for the words of wisdom about beliveing in myself and not what others think about me. It took me a long time to get to that point. When I realized what I was doing, it came to me that it was mostly me that had the problem! Now, I just live my life my way. Everybody else can either accept me or leave me!

You are right about purple! It is my favorite color. When I was a little girl, I went through this stage where I wouldn't wear anything but purple. I didn't go a single day without something purple on.

Do you work with mostly men? I do. I was just wondering if you had a mostly male staff. There are very few women in my office. Sometimes, that is great, but sometimes it is a pain in the butt!!

Stormy - Thanks for the suggestion of fitday...that was you, wasn't it? I have tried it before, but since I don't have internet at my house, it wouldn't help my on the weekend. I like to write things down. I enjoy the tactile sensation of putting pen to paper. Plus, my journal is right connecting to the internet or finding the right website.

I think it is wonderful that you try to motivate your patients! Sometimes, a little understanding and kind word can mean a huge difference in someones life.

Murphy - Welcome. I just joind this board recently. It is wonderful. The ladies here are very supportive and helpful. I also tried Weight Watchers. I lost the majority of my weight with them, but it is very expensive and time consuming to stay with them. I know do my own thing and count calories. It is working well for me so far.

My goals for the week are to continue with my eating and exercising. I'd like to also include some weight lifting in my exercise routine. I have several hand weights and think they would be great for my arms.

02-13-2005, 06:43 PM
Murphy, oops L.A. huhg? Big difference b/t that city and the State.

Red, glad you are going to the gym today. Remember, you want to look sexy in you new clothes when you go to M...I forgot (where are you going to cover those horse races?) Your talk of the color red also got me thinking. I think that red also stimulates the appetite. Here in the States many people have painted their dining rooms red. I love the color. It is my second favorite to purple. I like your bagel recipe. I love bagels. I stay away from them as much as possible b/c of the high carbs. My favorite is sundried tomato bagels.

Shan-keep up with the journal. It is great. Also don't be afraid to add the weights. It will make you lose weigh much faster. Muscle burns more fat!

02-13-2005, 10:12 PM
Wow, I feel welcome!

I htink I figured out the wieght slider thingy too..Let's see:

02-14-2005, 12:09 AM
Doinmybest: You can do it! I like your positive attitude. Only 16 pounds left, that is awesome! I have about 20-25 left to lose. I want a 5 pound fudge factor b/c of water weight, etc.

Crime girl
02-14-2005, 12:25 AM
How is everyone tonight??? :D
I just got home from the library where I spent 5 hours reading one article of about 15 that I need to read. It was this 60 page long explanation of ideology and I swear I had to look every other word up in a dictionary! Why do people have to use every big word they ever learned when they write. I mean really- how egoisitic! ;)

Doinmybest- Welcome!! We are glad to have you in our group! It sounds like you just need a little extra support and we can help with that. Normally we are a really chatty group- we are a little off our groove lately. I think we all just got really busy so things will get busier I am hoping!
You are writing a book? Is it nonfiction or fiction? I am working on a mystery novel and a book recaping every memory I can remember- project for me not for publication and for my mom who is doing a similar thing. The mystery is moving slowly but I am in school right now and working so time is limited to work on it. It is more a stress reliever for me and creative outlet but I am going to try to publish it when I finish writing it.
Anyway- glad you decided to join us and look forward to getting to know you better.

stormy- hows it shaking? How is school treating you?
The challenge with the bf is going well- we weigh in on Wed to see who is ahead. I forgot to weigh in today for the board so I will do that tomorrow morning. I have been working out with Maya and doing my DDR game a lot so my legs are SO sore! It feels good though and I am happy I am getting my act together.

Red- You have a unique and thought provoking outlook on life sometimes. I like to see things from your perspective because we are totally different in how we weigh things in our mind. It is a real benefit to read how you approach things.
The gym situation will work itself out- just realize like you said that you can't use the gym being out of the neighborhood as an excuse. You can do it! I know you can. My opinion- go with the gym with the best vibe hands down no matter the location. You have to feel inspired and motivated to work out. It should feel like a treat for yourself so enviroment is important.
As for the horoscope- meeting someone that changes your life might be a totally nonromantic thing. It could be a work buddy, someone you drink with, a guy you meet on the subway, or anyone really. I just have a feeling (and I put it into your horoscope) that the tide is changing with you and in that change is a person that helps you along. I just go with what I feel in your scopes. ;)
As for me- I will weigh in on Wed for official challenge with bf and tomorrow to post on here. I am worried however that the damn scale will betray me yet again and I am not going to take the disappointment well because I have been pretty good. I need to see a difference!
Oh and by the way- did you see Demi Moore in GI Jane? - she was anything but scrawny. She bulked up. Big *** muscles.

Shanberg- Glad to see you on again. It stinks that it can't be from home but get on when you can.
I will PM you my email and thanks for the list. I - like you- think that sometimes it is just easier to write it down- it is portable and you dont have to log on etc to record things. Besides I am always scared I will post my stuff for public consumption and I write when I am eating emotionally so I can try to stop the pattern. Embarasssing stuff to post for just anyone to read. It would be my luck there would be a glich in the system and it would be emailed to everyone who subscribes to fitday how I stuffed my face over something stupid like a bad day. :lol:

Okay well need to go to bed so I am going now. Tomorrow is Monday (for most of us) so it is a support day and also a focus day on how we stay motivated. Anyone got any new tips or tricks they have picked up? What kind of image are you hoping to achieve for yourself or others?

And- here is your question of the day-
What is your favorite-
TV show-
and song-
of all time?
Have a great day everyone!!

02-14-2005, 08:19 AM
Hi guys, wasn't going to write because it's already bedtime but I will a bit anyhow just to stay caught up. Today was good eating wise. I brought chocolates for the guys at work and didn't touch them myself. It wasn't even hard though there were times around 4 or so where I wanted that chocolate or sugar fix. Unfortunately, I've been reaching for the coffee again. Must not start that again. I had been off it in the afternoon. Maybe that's why I was eating chocolate again, the caffeine.


shanberg -- good to hear from you again. It's tough not having the Net at home. Whenever you can get on we love to hear from you! How is your hand?! That sounds awful! Good luck on your weigh-in. It's already Monday night here. I'm so glad to hear I said something that made sense to you and maybe helped you! I do get on the soapbox a bit much. Just ignore me if I start to annoy you! Shanberg, don't think you have or had such a big problem. So many, many people don't believe in themselves or their dreams at one point or another or maybe most of the time for some. I think it's good to err on the "love it or leave it" side of things but I do try to reflect on what others are saying at least to keep my mind open, at least ask, think it over, see a bit of truth in things if it may be there, throw the rest out. . whatever. Reality is such a relative concept, perspectives, taste even moreso. Yes, I work with mostly men. They are exasperating at times. Of course it makes the day go more easily because they are so easily influenced and I have fun with them most of the time. They are much more frank and joke around much more than the women I know and I love that. But they can be so touchy too! Ah well, I don't mind. Except it does get annoying when they make google eyes at every young girl who comes walking down our end of the room. Oh yes, I'm with stormy, definitely don't be afraid of the weights. I love them!!

stormy -- there you go again reminding me of something I have to do! You're psychic! It was Dubai I was thinking of going to but I haven't applied. Can't bring myself to spend so much money when I'm so in debt. It's money I don't have. Tomorrow is the deadline. I sent out some emails to people to ask for advice. If I feel I can cut costs by writing a bit or see the trip as a possible investment by getting to know some other people then maybe I'll decide to go. Tough decision though. Oh, God, a red dining room! Egads! I would feel ill. Do they really do that? Wow. I just had a bagel, my second today. Uh-oh, onion or everything, those are my favorites. Yum.

doinmybest -- hi there. I didn't see stormy's post about Louisiana or your response before i posted mine though I see it was on there before mine. Ok, so it's the city. I have a friend there. Was there end of 2003 too down in, oh, where was that? near venice beach, I'm drawing a blank, I want to say Malibu, Monterey, oh!! I can't think of it, had a nice name. . . . SANTA MONICA, yes, I had to look it up on the Net. Was there to visit my cute young thing, as I called the guy I was with. Things took a bad turn there though. We saw a guy try to commit suicide off the end of the pier at the wharf and I just knew it was an omen. Sure enough, things started going bad. We'd met in Tokyo, hit it off in New York and I flew over from Tokyo to meet in L.A. Ah, at least it was romantic! don't mind me. I'm a hopeless romantic with a razor-edged flipside. Perhaps the term is nuts!

Crime girl -- wow, a lot of reading. Congrats for slogging through it! Uh oh. What did I say? When people start saying I have a "unique and thought-provoking outlook" on things I figure I've either pissed them off or they think I'm, what was that? a bit around the bend, and they're just being very diplomatic about it. :lol: You say it's a benefit to hear how I approach things but I worry. You must realize that I do a lot of quick thinking, quick writing and you mustn't take what I say as being the whole picture. . unless of course it was something you liked! I like the idea of someone changing my thinking. Can't say I can remember anyone today but I'll think about it. Oh, that was yesterday wasn't it. Today was something else romantic sounding. Oh well, I am looking for it, always looking for the romance.

By the way I got to the gym before work! jogged, biked, lifted weights!! Hurrah for me. Went in to Tokyo station, bought chocolates for the guys and then went to work. Was in a great mood most of the early part of the day, started to go downhill because one of the young guys started arguing about something he'd been shirking and I got pissed off at the usual cajoling banter and got honestly angry with him. Like shanberg said, working with guys can be such a pain at times. They have to have their little shows, their little poses and can't be seen as a wimp in front of their buddies. It's tough because I say anything these days! Well, I've get to get to sleep. Good luck with the scale this week Crime Girl. Be consistent. Stay consistent! The scale can't hold out against consistency and you will force it to show a drop in your weight.

Heh, grasshopper, where are you?!?! NBK, michi, Jacque?!!? Come back!! Shane! . . .oops, that was a different thread. . .

02-14-2005, 10:25 AM
Great job hitting the gym, Red! Woohoo! So you spoiled those guys by buying them chocolate,huh? Glad you did not break down and eat any!

CG, school is going ok. Too much work, too little time. I go back this weekend so I have major work to do.

OK I am off to work I'll check in later.

I hope everyone has a great day!

02-14-2005, 10:50 AM
Also, before I leave for work I need to report my final weight loss for my Valentine's Day challenge. I lost 8 pounds not 10 as I hoped to. So for my Easter challenge I will try to lose 6 pounds. I am starting today so please try to keep me accountable!

02-14-2005, 11:03 AM
I actually did it! I dropped below the 260 mark! I lost 1.5 pounds! Wwwheewww!!! I am so totally excited! I can barely sit still! I am pumped beyond belief. I kept getting on and off the scale this morning just to make sure I wasn't imagining or reading it wrong!!!!!

Thank-you all soooo much for your support! You have all been such help and inspiration! Know this...if I can do it, so can you!!!!!!

Red - Don't worry too much about me. I always listen with an open ear. Its when people keep making the same negative comments/actions that I start moving away from them!

I hear ya about the guys! I love them, but sometimes they drive me a little nuts! And, you are right about the drooling over the young things! They'll call me and make a comment about a hottie. I tell them, I'm not gay, call me if its a cute guy! Sounds like your guys are as dramatic as mine. They always blow everything out of proportion! Sometimes its like a Shakespere play around here!

Great job on going to the gym! I know how you feel about not having money. I never have any. I barely make it without bouncing a check each month! Its hard being single, but having the same bills as a couple does. I bought a house, so most of my money goes toward my payment! I love it though! Wouldn't change it for anything!

My hand is okay. I just got a little crazy with the mop! Made my thumb swell like crazy! But it was worth it! My house looks GREAT!!!

Crime Girl - Reading with a takes me back! I did an independent study on summer and had to read a bunch of Supreme Court rulings. Those codgers just love to extemporate ;) ! I had to use a dictionary AND a law book!!! It was horrible! But, to this day, I can read and understand a Supreme Court decision with no problem!

Glad your bet with your BF is working! Motivation is definately important for weight loss.

I didn't realize you were writing a book! Sounds like fun! I LOVE to read! That's all I do in my spare time (when I get some!).

I will send you my list thing! I love it. I just keep adding to it. It makes keeping up with my calories so much easier. My journal is imporatant, too. I, like you, wouldn't want the world to somehow read all my blabbering! It's just easier for me to use a journal. I can take it with me and write whenever I need to vent. It is acutally an appointment book. I just use it like a journal. Saves time having to write the date on the page everytime.

Stormy - Wha't up??? School, school, school...I'm betting! Can I ask what your major is? What year are you? I took a semester for my Master's after I got the job I have was unreal. I never had any time for myself. I think I lived in the library! I decided I needed to reevaluate my future and decided I wanted to buy a house and have some kids. I couldn't do all of that and go to school, so I stopped going after that semester! I can't even imagine going to school and being married! That must really be interesting! Do you ever have you time?

Doinmybest - Do you prefer we use your real name or your screen name? Glad you decided to join. I love to talk, so I tend to post quite a bit....Can I ask what kind of book you are writing? What did you do before you started writing full time?

- question of the day-
What is your favorite-
book-hmmm...I don't have just one. I love anything Sci-fi, crime, horror, historical romance....
movie-I live for the movies. I love the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Resident Evil..
TV show-Stargate Sg-1 and Stargate Atlantis, Monk
and song-My name is not susan...Whitney Houston..pre-psycho
of all time?
Have a great day everyone!!

little grasshopper
02-14-2005, 11:21 AM
Hi guys! I am back from my mini vacation to the Smokies. It was so nice to get away. But someone explain THIS to me PLEASE!!! I go on a week long vacation where food is grammed at me the whole week and I LOSE weight - only to gain it right back when I get home. Then I go on a weekend vacation where people are completely supportive to my eating needs and I eat anything that won't eat me! I am terrified to get on the scales right now! Jeans are back in the closet for now. I was BAD, BAD, BAD!!!

Welcome doingmybest! You must be a very self motivated person to be able to work on a book at home. I wouldn't get past the first page! I use to have to have to go to a coffee house just to study. I would look around the house and come up with too many things I wanted to do instead. (kind of like I'm doing now with cleaning the place :) )

Crime girl - I had something very important to tell you but that was two pages of reading ago and I forgot what it was! I will remember again. All the sugar has been BAD for my brain :) I'm so glad BF is playing nice about the diet and weightloss now! Mine did the total oposite about eating out. He drags me all over the city to places where I can't find food but when he goes on Southbeach - the diet that every place has a special menu for - he can't eat out because he doesn't want cheat! I wanted to smack him - except that I'm not a "smacker." I'd look silly trying to.....

Red - I like the decluttering idea. How far did you get? Did I read all of that right? We are in the process of doing that too...mostly because the friends we spent the weekend with are coming back to NC next week and may stay overnight with us during their trip. We are pretty cluttered right now. Need to get rid of the junk and put things back in their places.

Stormy - your cruise sounds wonderful and a great goal/reward. Plus you get to spent precious time with your family. I use to do a mother daughter thing with my mom once a year but her new job doesn't let her take much time and she doens't budget it for our m/d trips - she's more of a "I want to take monday off" kind of vacation day spender.

Shannon - look at what you started :) I have 4 balls, thank you very much. One is much bigger than the others though - it's a volley ball :) BF found his gift. He likes it. Of course he listed the sports he's willing to try and suddenly Tennis wasn't on his list anymore - AFTER he saw the gift. He's a sporting snob. Use to be in perfect shape - a lean/mean cycling machine! Then he fell in love with big jump type bikes and became this teenager that overtakes office complexes after hours and jumps off their rooftops. I guess you can be chubby and still respected in that "sport." because suddenly he didn't care about his weight or what he he is concerned again and wants to do NOTHING besides ride that bike. NOTHING!!! Don't get me wrong I love bikes too but he's a biking freak!

Well I'd better get to cleaning my house! Talk to everyone later. I might not check in today as it's Valentine's day and I want to spend as much of it as possible with BF.

little grasshopper
02-14-2005, 11:22 AM
I won't beat around the bush - I really need some help getting my plan back into action! I just dont' want to eat healthy food right now. Not at all. I know if I just get through 3 days I'd be fine but they seem SO LONG! Right now!! Help guys!!

02-14-2005, 03:00 PM
Hey everybody!

For no apparent reason, I lost 1.5 pounds this morning...It must be the lifting of my spirits...:)

SHAN- congrats on the new decade! I love it when that happens! Dan, be careful of yourself...I hav NEVER cleaned so hard my hand swelled....

RED- sometimes you feel better after you do better. So just stay the course and give yourself some good self talk. Be your own best friend for encouragement.
How freaky to see a dude try to kill hmself on the pier! Santa Monica is a super -hip place...Quite honestly, I don't spend much time there...I'm more of the greenich-village alternative type.
The west-side of LA is too beautiful for me...

CG- 5 hours on one article? why WHY do people write like that? It's a crime

STORMY- Is it stormy monday? *giggle* I should listen to you all and keep a journal I KNOW that is what I need. it makes all the different. I can't control my behaviour if I'm not paying attention to what it is.

HOPPER- I love writing in coffee shops too. I'm lucky, there are some major good one switint walking distance.
As for trying to eat healthy...Youknow, when I start to eat bad things, it just makes me crave more. I find that if I can just focus on the healthy foods I like and get full on those It is easier to go forward. Good luck! If it were easy, everyone would do it...

Lots of people have asked me what I'm writing about...Okay:
It is a true story of how at age 18, I and my family chose to go to Far East Russia to become missionaries, arriving the day the USSR fell. It is a coming of age story, where the main character tries to come out of evangelical religious tyrrany at the same time as an entire country struggles to recover from political tyrrany.

As to what I used to do...I ran conferencing, mostly the It side for video/web/audio for big international firms. It was/is fun, but now they are hiring two peole to do my job. HA! I think everything works out for the best.

Hey! If you are interested, and have some time, I have a website where I made the story of my leaving into an allegorical parable. :blush: "Miriam the Camel Driver"
I'm proud of it.

NOW I'm going to get my sneaks on and spend some time with Billy Blanks. GO!


02-14-2005, 05:09 PM
Howdy, all...

One last check in before I head for the hills....

Little Grasshopper - I am really glad you had a good time on your mini-vacation! It is always good to get away!

I know how hard it is to come back from relaxation, where you ate what you wanted and didn't think about it (b/c you were on vacation). It's really hard to get your mind wrapped back around eating right and healthy. My only advice is to look at all you have you want to lose all that and slide backwards? I would suggest slowly getting back into the groove. Start off slowly, like you were just beginning. Start incorporating better eating and exercise, adding more and more each day. That might help you out. for the bossy advice!! Yes, it sucks..going from carefree to super careful! Life would be so much easier if we could just eat whatever and never have to worry about where it lands. But, we can't! You have done so good for so long. I can't (and won't) let you give up now! So, buckle up and get back on the horse! Remember that what you put in your mouth today will end up on your butt tomorrow!

Okay, I will stop now. You can get back...just don't give up...

02-14-2005, 05:48 PM
Morning all! A late riding lesson today so I have extra time this morning. I may put in a call to the father. It's still Valentine's Day there. Got two replies to mail I'd sent out about whether to go to Dubai or not. The mag in the States is sending someone so that means no work for me. Guy with the horses thinks the big race times are bad to get people's attention. I think he's right and besides I don't have the money to buy clothes and maybe right now, even if I kick *** for the next five weeks, I won'T look so hot, just sweaty. Friend there, no reply. She'll probably be busy. Hmm. Don't know yet what to do. Probably shouldn't go. Need to concentrate on work here. . . Thanks, everyone, for your congrats on getting to the gym. That felt really good to have done and it's so nice to get some recognition from you all. No one else is going to care anywhere else, in fact, if I tell people at work, they are more likely to feel about themselves and then try to make me feel bad about what I did. They only see the results and not the struggle. Why is it that people don't applaud success unless they know it comes with a struggle and even then would more often than not rather see you trip up at the last moment. Jealousy I guess, a ready excuse for their continued sloth and lack of discipline. It's every bit as hard for me as anyone. I think if I get anywhere it's only because I'm more stubborn. . . isn't that supposed to be a bad trait? Oh, wait, let's just call it perserverance, persistence, tenacity, sticktoitiveness instead. . .


stormy -- yup, I spoiled those guys. Don't know why. And the production people were a loss because they took the chocolate downstairs and I never heard about it. Probably a lot of others ate it and they didn't know who it was from. It was good chocolate too! Oh well, I wasn't really looking for thank-yous and all. Couldn't bear to be stingy and not bring something. I waited to put it out in the morning on my desk. This means, all the guys, already horribly spoiled by the Japanese custom (and these are foreigners!) are going, "Heh, where's my chocolate?" I just say, "yes, where IS your chocolate? That was my very question!" and they don't pursue it because they know I will get angry and also I'm always bringing stuff in anyhow when there's no occasion at all 'cept for the fact that the money was burning a hole in my pocket and I passed by some good-looking stuff on sale or something and I'm a sucker! So yesterday, just when thay all figured I had nothing for them I brought it out and they all (perhaps) felt guilty. :lol: Ah, stormy, you got so close to making your challenge I am ashamed. I am UP from the start of mine. I don't know. It's so discouraging because I thought it was going to be easy. Well, congratulations! Eight pounds is a ton! Hope you're proud. You must feel great!

shanberg -- :cp: Hurrah for you!! :spin: How wonderful that you are below 260. Great! Great! GREAT! I'm so glad for you! Keep at it and you will soon be into the 40s. Eyes on the next step. I hope this lift will be like a strong tailwind pushing you toward your goal. Yes, with the guys at work, it can be fun and then not at all. It's tiring really so some days I just pull my head in and let it all go by without a comment. I think they feel my utter boredom then and it takes away from their fun. Guys are really like so many hot-air balloons. Wow, you have a house. That's cool. I too have more bills than married people with two or three kids because of my animals and the high upkeep costs. But that's my choice and I don't talk about it because most people think raising kids is somehow more important. I say it's not at all. We don't live in a country where they're trying to raise the population or make soldiers. It's their choice too. And a lot of our choices are linked to circumstance as well and decisions we made with what we saw in front of us and what we held in our hearts as being best for us. I have held out. Here, the pay scale is so lopsided, single women lowest, married guys highest. I have to find a way to get around it. Still thinking. Still hoping. I need a dose of courage.

grasshopper -- there you are!! I forgot you were going off again. Didn't you just take a vacation to your grandmother's! Or was that an obligatory visit and this was the real vacation? I'm just jealous. Glad you enjoyed it. It sounds to be like you do well when people are trying to oppose you because it brings out your me-against-the-world thinking and you're a fighter but when you're alone you want to pamper yourself with food. Sounds like you are like me in that you are feeling the deprivation of your restricted diet and overeat. It sounds like you still have to eat less. This is my realization too. I can't be working out like a demon and eating so much and then when the exercise slacks off still eat like an athlete in training. I have to learn to eat less and less and make the food that goes into be highly nutritious so I don't end up looking like so many people around me here, skinny but not healthy-looking and these are people in their 20s. What will they look like 20 years down the road? Like roadkill, no doubt! grass, i am trying to do little bits of decluttering because I now think of it as letting energy into my room, allowing it to flow, cleaning crud because I want to bring good, clean things into my life. I don't see it as becoming less of a slob or as wanting to look good for someone else, to be able to show off my room. I see it now as something purely magical like. It's great! I love the idea. So, grass, come on, get with it with your eating. You don't have to be a major health nut with the eating, just don't be pushing really awful stuff into your mouth. Nowadays, when people suggest a fastfood place, I simply say, nonjudgmental like, "that's not food." and say no more. The garbage is just not an option. That's the real bad stuff. The choices lie elsewhere. Maybe you need to try to find other reasons not to eat certain things other than you're "not allowed" it.

doinmybest -- congratulations to you too! Great that you lost 1.5 lbs! Who knows WHY you lost it. Just rejoice and kick on! You're going to come out A-OK!! Yeah, that guy jumping off the pier and then floundering around in the dark was spooky. It was like he chickened out. We heard the splash as someone went in and then heard him out there crying for help and realized he really wanted help. Luckily the rescue guys went in after him. They had a light and were playing it on him. They were hesitant to jump in I guess there are all sorts of kooks who would hurt you if you went in or who are just kidding. But the guy was calling for help, saying he couldn't swim and he was fully clothed of course and so finally the rescue guy stripped down and dove in and they were able to bring him out. He was crying and obviously just in a sad state emotionally. It was a quiet night and so people heard him. If the ocean had been rougher we wouldn't have been able to. also, though it was dark it was early enough that there were people down at the end of the pier. It's a beautiful place down there, beautiful but eery and scary. I could see how someone feeling fragile could just decide they couldn't handle things anymore and want to give themselves up to it. But hitting the water I guess awakens your survival instincts and the fact that it's not the welcoming place it so seductively seemed to be. I didn't really like Santa Monica as far as the atmosphere went. I mean, it was perfect for what I wanted, an ecape into a kind of fantasy world, which is really what this fling with the guy probably was all about. He is in film and that's why he was there from N.Y. helping with the making of the film. Westwood or something, some fancy area, that's where they were. I met the director and actors and all and it was just so, oh, grown people so full of themselves. So plastic and playing with life, out of touch I'd say, calling their egotistic, neurotic drivel art. Another friend works at the Japnese-American newspaper downtown and that was much more real. We get out of the car and some dude rolls over saying he'd fix our meter for the change. He pulls out a straightened paper clip or something and jiggled in around in the meter to add time. Ok, cool. He's making his living. I admire his resourcefulness. Guy's head is probably working a lot better than those film people. To me, that's life. I just wish people would learn to break out of their boxes and use their resources to better themselves, but how can they do that when no one's helping and they no doubt feel this is their place in life. doinmybest, I'll check out you writing later. I gave it a quick look. You sure are prolific! Have fun with it!


shanberg -- hi there! just saw your post. Have your come down yet from your victory!?!?

02-14-2005, 06:56 PM
Shanberg-congrats on your victory. Doesn't it feel great? You asked what I was going to school for. I work in Physical Therapy (been out for about 7 years) and I am now working on my Doctor of Physical Therapy. I work full time and go to school full time. It is tough but oh well.

Doin-congrats on your weight loss too. Every little bit helps! So you like Tae Bo huh? I do Tae Bo a couple of times a week. I love it! All of my tapes are atleast 4-5 years old. Have you tried any of his new stuff? I saw a cardio DVD at Walmart yesterday but I did not buy it b/c I do not want it if it is the same stuff as the old Tae Bo advanced tapes. Do you happen to know? Which Tae Bo ones do you use?

Red-you will lose for this challenge. I have a feeling that you are more determined this time. Losing weight is not easy but we can and will do it.

GH, I am glad you are back. Do not feel bad about vacation, let it go. You will pick up and get into your routine again. It takes time like everything else but I know you will do it. You seem to be one of those people who are very connected to their bodies. Listen to it! You know what it takes to make you feel good and function. I bought a new video last week. As you know I work out from home. I have been doing Windsor and Denise Austin's Pilates from home but I get bored with it. Well since I like the whole theory behind Pilates I decided to keep doing it. I bought a video by The Crunch called Burn and Firm Pilates. It is a lot of standing Pilates some done with light weights. I have never done much standing Pilates, mainly just mat, but I did like the video. She gives lots of verbal cues and tries to remind people to keep their Pilates form. It will give me a little bit more variety with my Pilates workouts. Do you do much standing Pilates in your class?

little grasshopper
02-14-2005, 10:31 PM
Hi guys - tomorrow I need to get back on track. I'll be avoiding the scales for a while. This has been a major back slide!!! I have two full days though so nights will be the big problem time. Thanks for the support. I do need it!! When I'm weak - I'm really REALLY weak!

Stormy - I have never done standing pilates. One of the trainers I really like is being trained on the machine they use. I am planning to train with her once she is finished with her classes.

Red - Go for the de cluttering!! I like it! I do that sort of - when life gets really hectic I clean my house. I use to clean my office. It cleared my head - and my office :) Today I spent most of the day cleaning. (partly because my new steam buggy arrived and I needed some time to use it :)

Shannon - thank you for the advice - I am going to print it out and keep it. I'll be needing it over the next few days. It's the 3 day hurdle i struggle with. I know I'll be fine once I'm over it.

Well I need to go spend the rest of my night with BF. He got me a tree pruner for V-day. I LOVE it!!!! Very practical and I really really love working in my garden and yard! He knows me so well :)

02-15-2005, 05:26 AM
Hi people. Help! I am feeling stuck and hopeless again. I got on the scale this morning and even though it was AFTER I ate and I usually weigh before, and I had a lot of salty things the day before the number just made me sick. . . . I NEED a sign that I am indeed even ABLE to get this weight off again. I really don't understand it. I'm not eating more than I used to. I guess it is all the exercise and lost muscle mass. Amazing really, what a difference muscle makes. No wonder guys have it easier. Even without exercising they have more muscle. Oh, rant, boo-ho, boo-hoo. I'm just feeling sooooo fat! I went riding, went straight to the gym afterward, jogged, did some leg weight training, took the bus home though. My knees are hurting and my feet and I just thought I shouldn't push it.

grasshopper -- Yeah, I like shannon's words too. I wish I could use them too but I can't because this is the fattest I've been in years. Everyone is so sweet and saying I can do it and I'm really trying it SEEMS but nothing's happening. I just don't understand why this fat is sticking to me like this.

Sweet of the boyfriend to get your pruners. If it made you happy, then good. ;)

What, by the way, is a steam buggy?

Well, how have you been? Any sign of strength yet? What do you think is happening? What do you feel like when you get "weak?"

stormy -- you see me ranting above. That's the way I feel, despite your sweet words. Why is everyone else seeming to be losing weight and I can't make it come off. My body is bulging really grossly, in awful places. I feel like I move so much too. Is perhaps something going wrong with my hormones that this is happening? I don't know. It is just so weird. I guess I'm just going to have to count calories as that's the only true way to know what I'm putting in my mouth everyday. This extra 10 lbs I think is making my knees and feet hurt and that never happened before. This is making me feel really, really out of shape. Ok, sorry for the rant. stormy, when do you ever find time to exercise to your tapes with your busy schedule? Are you doing WW, by the way? I forgot what people were doing what. Really need something to make me feel less fat. Jeez. What is this? Could giving up sugar be making me hold onto water? It's usually the opposite. Could the salty things I've been eating be doing it to this extent. Oh well, just stick it out, stick it out, stick it out!!!

02-15-2005, 08:56 AM
Ok, guys, I'm going to bed. I decided not to go to Dubai after all. It was a really hard decision but I just have to pull my head in a bit with the finances and this wasn't going to be cheap. Sure, 5-star hotel was cheaper than it would have been but it was still expensive for me and what the heck what am I going to do in a five-star hotel alone!!? I feel bad about this because I told people I was going but what the heck, I think I need more of a break, a cheaper and more relaxing one. If I had gone I may have been able to work and get stories and sell them and cover expenses but then I wouldn't have had any holiday and a new country while you're working can be very tiring, especially when you have to focus on the race alone and not the rest of the place. Ok, just wanted to get that off my chest. Good night! Hope to see some life around here when I wake up. :wave:

little grasshopper
02-15-2005, 09:24 AM
Good morning guys. Well today is day one - again. :) I need to be really good and stubborn for 3 days in a row and then I should start feeling like my old self again.

Red - you asked what I feel like when I'm weak - it's mostly and emotional thing. Like I "say" I'm not going to eat that but 10 minutes later it's vanished, except for the crumbs I'm getting rid of still :( It takes me the first three full days of going "cold turkey" and then I start feeling more in control of my food....the first two weeks are the most difficult. I still crave things but it gets better daily. After two weeks it feels like a lifestyle again. And I'm usualy solid. I just played too much when I came back from vacation. Had wine too often, then dessert. Oh, and I tried to get rid of the rice cookies and rice ice cream and found that having no sweets at all in the house is pretty hard for me!! I ended up cheating on things that are bad for me - like peanut butter and honey. Peanut butter is full of hydrogenated oils - a HUGE cause of pain and swelling in the body! I don't touch the stuff, unless I have no other choice at all!!

I'm sorry you're having such a low point. I know it must be exhausting to up and down and I'm really sorry you're having to go through it. Are you reading any books that might help motivate you? Does getting on the scales keep you from gaining or just make you feel horrible about yourself when you do. They don't stop me from gaining - I'm thinking of getting rid of them! Seriously!! As for you hormone question - yes it can easily be hormones. Remember when I found out mine were out of wack and had to start walking 30 minutes a day for stress relaxation. I lost pretty easily then. I need to start doing that again. Any time you're under great stress your hormones have to struggle to keep up and produce the right amount of whatever you'll need at the right time.....all of that can make you gain or lose weight easily. If you tried to focus only on the gym - would you go everyday (or five days a week?) If you could do it 2-3 weeks in a row you'd probably start seeing results you like but the body needs consistency otherwise it stores for the famine.

I wish I was more creative - I'd write you a horoscrope too :) I'm not the creative one - I'm the one that hits my head against the same wall until I've hit it enough to knock it down. Sorry. I will check back in later. Have a great day!

02-15-2005, 10:37 AM
Oh, Red, Red....I am sooo sorry you are having such a hard time. I can feel the frustration through my computer screen. I've been there, oh, have I been there. The work, the agonizing, the doing without...then the complete and total devistation of the scale. Where did I go wrong? Oh, yes, I know where you are coming from.

Okay, I try not to do this, because I feel like a preachy know-it-all, but I think this might help. I learned this in my psych class (thats right, psychology-not health!). When a person goes on a diet, then off, then on, then get the picture...each time the body catches on much faster than the previous time. It goes into protection mode. It senses you are dieting and slows the metabolism down sooner than the previous diet attempt. That is why it is harder to lose each time a person starts a new diet. The body KNOWS what you are up to. That is also the reason people that alternate calories/fat lose faster/easier than those that do not. They are keeping the body from realizing what is going on. Some people call it shocking the system, but what is really happening is the body isn't aware you are dieting. DO NOT LOSE FAT CELLS!!! They shrink as you lose weight (thus, lyposuction). When you stop dieting, your metabolism is still slow (in protection mode), but your intake of fat and calories increases. The fat cells start filling up. Since they were shrunk, they now hold less...which means in order for them to handle the excess material they split. So, instead of 100 fat cells, you now have 200. That is why people who go off a diet for a while gain so fast and so easily.

Okay...I know this isn't very reassuring, but I wanted you to know that what is happening could very well be a result of your body's reaction to your going off your diet. Your body is very smart.

Now, for my take on things....If you want to lose weight, you have to take control of your life. You have to make a concious decision that you are going to lose and you are going to eat right. I know you are having serious mental stress right now. That is definately contributing to your weight issues. I would suggest small, baby steps. Start with something you can change successfully. I had to choose something I knew I would succeed at...if I had failed, I would've stopped right there. You have already started with the gym. Maybe now you can change something in your eating. Add more fruit. Try to eat every two to three hours. Make small meals and snacks. Choose one day of "freedom" where you can eat whatever you want. But, the rest of the week you have to eat on plan and healthy. I know you don't really want to count calories, but I assure you, it is worth it. Once you see what you are eating and putting into your body, you will better be able to make changes that will help you shed the pounds.

I know you can do this. Right now you are having a really hard time just living life and getting through each day. Add your stress over your's no wonder you are feeling so down. I know you were trying a sort of carefree approach to your weight, but I just don't think you can do that. You want to lose too badly (I'm sorry, I know that was harsh). I think if you got back on a "diet," with your going to the gym, that you would lose weight.

Don't let the scale dictate your life. It is an inanimate object that feels nothing...for you or anyone. Anyone that can move to a foreign country and live can win the struggle over weight. I admire you so much for that. I would never be able to move to a different country to live. And you have such a great personality! You are funny and smart.

I want you to succeed. I will do whatever you need to help you get there. I feel like I was a little hard on you, but I am afraid you are going to give in to your grief and quit. If I hurt you, I am sorry, that was not my intention. Please don't give up. Even though I have lost, I still stick out in odd places. Especially my stomach. If that would just shrink my life would be almost perfect.

Hang in there, Red. You are not alone....

02-15-2005, 11:05 AM
Red,things do not always happen on our time. Stay away from the evil scale. Keep exercising and eating as healthy as you can. Do not weigh. I know that it is hard to not do it but just don't. It takes time. You WILL NOT lose overneight. It takes about 8-12 weeks to even notice a change in clothes for some people. I have days like you that I feel really fat. You just need to pull yourself through it. Remember you have control over this and it will come. Consistency is the key!!! Also, for every pound overweight that we are it puts about 7 pounds of extra force through our knees. Crazy huh? For example, I am lugging around an extra 20 pounds. That is 140 extra punds of force through my knees. I have to look back in some of my old physical therapy books, but that may even be 7 pounds PER knee. In fact, now that I am thinking about it I think it is per knee. I am sorry that you can not make that trip. It would have been great for you to get away and also make some connections while you are at it. Well instead of looking good for that let's almost make a plan for you to lose it for your riding. Just think how light and graceful you will feel on Heidi. As far as me finding time for exercise despite my crazy schedule, I HAVE to. I do it for me. It is the one thing that I do for me that I know will make me more productive and also it will be beneficial for everyone b/c it allows me to focus more and have more energy. Months ago (like before Dec) when I wasn't as serious about losing weight, I only exercised 30 mins/day. When I did it, I did it half-***. For example, I would get on the elliptical and watch a tv show while I was working out. I would not concentrate on developing a lean, strong body. My heart was not into it but I went through the motion b/c I have always exercised and I knew that it was something I had to do. When I b/c serious about it and started to work out longer and put my heart and soul into it the weight started to come off. So now it is scheduled in my schedule each day like it is a part of my job.

GH, you will make it through this week. You may have threw your metabolism into overdrive on vacation and that it what made you initially lose a few on vacation. I know that if I eat out on cheat day and weigh myself a day or two later I have lost it. It happens sometimes. You'll do fine and you lose that little bit of extra weight before you know it. Have you got back into your exercise routine since you have been back?

Shan, you are a great support and motivator to this board. Thank you for being who you are!

02-15-2005, 02:31 PM

When I was at my highest, at ~230, I had just been through a tough tough time. I was in a bad relationship, self-esteem in the toilet.

I had pretty much decided, at age 26, that I would never turn a guy's head again.

But then, I changed my mind. I decided that I wanted to be in control of my life, and that beauty was on the inside. That a woman is beautiful until proven otherwise.

I took the took to appreciate my body, and from the safe place of appreciating it and loving what it could do for me, I worked to improve it.

So, Red, and everybody, don't be disgusted with your body. Don't hate differentparts of it. Think about the good things it does for you every day. Appreciate your body and love yourself.

Then it is is makes more sense to do the things that help your body, and help you.

There is no need to stay being sad. Thre are many reasons to have joy at all the good things life has, and the good things our bodies can do and that we can do.

It's true. Turn your thoughts around towards the good things and leave the bad behind.


02-15-2005, 03:59 PM
Hi people. Before 5 a.m. Was going to sleep in a bit but a big tremor had me out of bed fast! They said it wasn't that big but it sure felt big! and some stuff fell off some high places. Scary. I had my coat on. Don't know where I'd go but I just don't want to be under the rubble of my building, which is only 2 stoeys but I'm on the first floor (ground floor). That big quake in Kobe was early in the morning too. I hate these things!

02-15-2005, 04:24 PM
Actually the initial reports (they have them on TV immediately) had the tremor lower but later ones said it was bigger. They use a scale here of I think 1-6 and it's just by feel. They were saying 3 but then upped it to 4 in Tokyo. The center of the quake was northeast of here where I would have been this morning if I'd gone to the racehorse training center. There it was a weak 5. Some stuff feel off my refrigerator and a mirror I have propped up against the wall shifted. That's all I noticed. The water pressure was down but now it's normal again. Oh well, just giving you quake reports. . .
Just looked up the time of the Kobe quake. That was 5:46 a.m. This one was 4:46 a.m. Funny.

02-15-2005, 04:39 PM
I have to tell you about something my horse did yesterday that was just too cute. Sorry to sound like a gushing parent as your eyes glaze over but . . . I had cut up carrots and hung them in a bag next to her stall while I got ready with other stuff and before I picked out her hooves. I always do some stretches with her with the carrots before we head out to get tacked up. I don't think the stall door is usually closed but today I had left it open.

I wasn't away for long, but when I came back in and from the end of the row I see carrot slices strewn all around her stall! I called out her name in a stern voice and when I get to her stall she's up against the back wall looking at me like, "I don't know, it wasn't me. I've been back here all the time."

It was so funny that she thought I was going to get angry. I guess she knew she shouldn't have been trying to get that bag off the hook and eat the carrots! It must have been hard to do too because even with the door open there's a bar across the door and the hook is pretty far away. She must have really, really stretched and then to knock it off the hook too. Ah, it was funny. I just scolded her with my voice a bit but I certainly couldn't be angry. My fault for leaving them there and all and of course she's going to go after them. But that back against the wall!, so funny, so cute. She came forward when I went to pick up all the carrots in her stall and in front and then I said sternly, "Heidi, you're a bad girl!" and she went running off to the back of the stall again. :lol: Gosh, the way she reacted you'd think I was really mean to her which of course I'm not. She just must have thought she'd done a really naughty thing.

Ok, just thought I'd share. I will write about all your lovely responses in a bit. . . .

Crime girl! Where are you?

02-15-2005, 05:33 PM
OK, this must be a record, four posts in a row. It's kind of sad, don't you think, that I'm sitting here writing to myself. No, just kidding. You guys are so sweet that I just love writing to you. It's like, someone actually cares. . . DON'T tell me if it's otherwise! :lol: The earthquake, my horse yesterday, these are my high points in my sorry life. Just kidding again! I love my horse too much I think. The reason it was so cute is that she seems like a very tough horse, very stubborn and headstrong but I have always felt she was very timid actually inside. It's just that she is smart and that's why she is difficult to ride. But she never does anything bad, has no bad habits. Actually, I am hoping to have her as a horse for handicapped people. I think she would be absolutely perfect! She is small, sturdy, has smooth gaits, is healthy, super gentle, is not taken to running off and she is soo cute that everyone just loves her (until they try to ride her) But I am trying to have her do things that are actually against what a disabled rider at low-levels needs, which is a horse that will just move slowly and one who is not spooky. Dressage is all about big movements. But I think she is smart enough to make the distinction and that she could in fact do both. I'm not trying to take her to high levels anyhow. She really looks at the rider and changes her response to "get away" with slacking if she can. I think she would understand there was a handicapped person on her back (other than me!) and would adjust her actions. Anyhow, sorry about that again. . . .going on about nondiet things too much. . . .

OK, well, it's morning and I'm just going to continue doing what was I doing and give it a little more push. I have not had sugar or three other high-calorie things I gave up for Lent now since last Wednesday, a week ago. The sugar is hard but there is no way I'll eat it. I got past Valentine's Day. This is not a hormonally challenging time of month, however. But, I have done this before so I absolutely know I can do it. Funny how past successes give you that sense of just "knowing" you can do it. Great stuff, that.


grasshopper -- reading your post I once again realized just how hard you have it with the incredible amount of restrictions you're under. So, when you say, you're doing bad and cheating and all, it's on an entirely different level from what I may be doing when I'm "cheating," which is more like all stops pulled, bring on the laden wagons, this glutton is chowing down!! So, I really feel for you and all I can say is your "weakness" is just being normal. To do what you need to do to stay "on program" takes a **** of a lot of discipline. To then want to lose weight on top of that, well, that is superwoman stuff. In this way, maybe the pain is a good thing, well, in that it may prevent you from eating the things that give you pain, but wow, I can't really say much except maybe look at the things you CAN eat and try to come up with new and interesting ways of preparing them using new spices and so. I am slowly buying every spice there is and really getting into them. It's fun to use them too because most people, say, at work, are just buying stuff from the convenience store to eat and to be smelling herbs coming from the microwave from my food and saying I've used 10 different spices in the vegetable curry I've made is just sooo different.

No, not reading any motivating books. The scale is a problem but I think the reason I got here in the first place these past months was because I didn't get on the scale at all. I should have probably. As for the gym, my workload is unpredictable and so heavy that I can barely justify going to the gym. When I do go, I have this feeling of I shouldn't be, the same with riding. There is so much work sitting here to be done from the publisher's and I can't bring myself to do much of it. It's so boring and so tedious and involves more sitting, sitting, sitting. I want to scream. I hate writing! editing, proofreading. Rant, rant. And grass, you don't have to be creative to write. Anything is fine and you're ahead of me with the wall-hitting. You hit til the wall comes down. I hit till my head cracks!

stormy -- damn! I should have taken your advice. I thought I would stay away from the scale but then thought, I think I'll see a drop in the numbers, got on and they were UP! :mad: I almost smashed the thing.

to be continued. . .

02-15-2005, 06:22 PM
There, I did a little bit of proofreading and my legs fell asleep and hurt so much. I am having circulation problems or nerve problems, I don't know, with my legs and this sitting on the floor at a low table is really bad for me but I don't have anything else and no space anywhere. There is no room on the computer table because of the big monitor and another computer. This is why I can't spend much time proofing. Really have to do something. You know, that guy in from Hokkaido sneered at the proofreading work and it really has made me hate this stuff even more. It is so NOT me but I have just learned to do this **** because it is work and I am good at it. I am good at a lot of things I don't like at all! More rants. Sorry guys, I am so pissed off at things these days. By the way, I got out a pair of pants that used to be loose on me and I could barely get them over my butt. It's amazing I could as they are not stretchy and that's another thing, this stretch material is killing me! I can ignore a gain in weight so easily. I should force myself to only wear stretchy stuff on "fat" days. OK, so I get these pants on and there is a handspread width between the two sides at the front. Damn! But I will use this pair as my measure, since it's not stretchy and because I can see me getting into them by Easter. . . stormy! did you hear that?!

Crime girl
02-15-2005, 10:12 PM
Okay- I have not been on because I didn't want to bring anyone down and frankly I can ignore when I royally screw up because I am not forced to write about it. I am at wits end. My bf and I both just threw things out the window and ate ALL kinds of REALLY bad things for us. Burgers, candy, fries, big breakfast with fattening foods...etc..etc. I am really upset with myself and fear I will always look like a blimp. I don't want to be fat- I am good at saying that and meaning it until things go bad in my life. I have been under SO much stress lately that I fall under the delusion that I deserve to eat how I want because I am stressed and hate my life. Help!
I am sorry I haven't been responding to everyone but I am also thinking maybe I should turn the reigns of the board over to someone who is not such a screwup. Hate my body like this and have zero willpower to stop myself. Maybe I should get my mouth wired shut. Think that might help???

Now I feel guilty I have dumped all over everyone but didn't want anyone to think I am staying away because of anyone or anything said on the board.
I need to go now- sorry! Red- I am sorry there is such a lack of support. I am happy you are OK through the quakes. Be careful! Your horse story was cute by the way and made me laugh for the first time today so thanks.

Need to go study- have to work tomorrow and have a midterm next Tuesday!

02-15-2005, 11:17 PM
Okay, Crime girl, enough of your nonsense, take it from the biggest moaner on the board, if you think that was a "screwup" you are Little League! And if you think that was "dumping all over everyone" let me tell you that I have been holding back big time! :rofl:

Oh, come on, stop with the "zero willpower," "I suck," "hate my body" (did I miss anything?) oh yes, "will ALWAYS look like a blimp." If you didn't screw up occasionally I don't think I would want to talk to you because I ain't supposed to meet saints till I get to the pearly gates and down here I kind of like someone I can identify with! If you aren't going to dump on us why would you be here on this forum and why would we be here? Do you think we're expecting to hear your life is great and you're losing weight every day and you and your boyfriend are in perpetual bliss. If we were we'd be chatting about our lobotomies not our problems! Zero willpower kind of people don't make time to study after working all day and "I suck," besides being a personal ad crowd pleaser, is a very relative term. Just who are you comparing yourself to? You better not hate your body because it's the only one you've got and it seems to be holding up well. And always a blimp? well, only if you have food orgies like every day now for the next few months, then I may start to worry. Like someone told me, it's just food, no big deal. You shoveled it in. It's over. You're not going to explode and it's not the end of things. It's just another day. Calm down. You don't have to run to the back of your stall and cower. We want you out here because we love you and we need you (and need more people to dump on too!) and we will have no one else as our leader so you better get your act together 'cause we know enough about you now thanks to your little questionnaire! ha! that we're goin' to come lookin' for you if you don't get your butt back here soon!! So THERE!

little grasshopper
02-16-2005, 12:12 AM
hi - looks like I missed a lot. Red - you really know how to write a pep talk!

Crime Girl - On and before Valentines day I had totino's pizza rolls, Ben and Jerry's chubby hubby - the whole thing - cheese sticks, mexican burrito roll things...all I know is they were fried. over the course of 4 days I had 4 bottles of wine...several other kinds of drinks....Cracker barrel...more ice cream, Wendy's value meals - supersized and all twice, mountain dews - enough to keep me awake for days!! And all the candy bars I could fit in my face!!!!! What I'm trying to tell you is I know what I feels like to feel so low because you can't stop putting food in your face. I work in a health food NUT HOUSE!!!! They know EVERY SINGLE time I cheat. I hate going there when I've cheated because I'm letting people down - the docs that treat me for free - the patients that see me as a rock they can get inspiration from......sometimes I just want to knock them off my table and say "It's my turn to cry and whine okay!! Not YOURS!!

I am not trying to say my situation is worse or anything CLOSE to that!! You are in the middle of a REALLY hard year - remember that!!!! I know what it feels like to get that frustrated with yourself, and feel that you've let everyone else down. No one here feels let down.

We want to be here for you - just like you're here for us!! And if that means we listen to you rant and rave all the time - that's what we do!!! You're not even CLOSE to that mark!!

My last year of school I gained 30 pounds, lived on valium, drank way more than I shoudl have and hid all of it but the weight because I was in school for a care taking job - and working in an alternative medicine meca! Add a drug addiction in there and I'd have been their version of an anti christ!! :) I'm so sorry things are stressful for you - but don't beat yourself up because life is incredibly stressful!! You're allowed to fall down - you're allowed to pig out sometimes and you're allowed to feel more stress than you thought possible and never want to come back to this board!!!!!!! You're allowed to feel all those things......but do me a favor - after you feel them...take deep breaths and pop in to see if anything we say makes you feel better. You deserve that!!

I am impressed with how much you deal with daily. I'm impressed with how well you handle the stresses that are constanly pushing you down while you try to climb high. I felt fat and ugly and like a total failure and still do a bit - after my vacation. We all do at times. You're not alone!!! And you can lose this weight - just like the rest of us!!! Like stormy said - sometimes things don't happen in our time......Breath - and then breath again.

We're here for you - no matter what. You're the perfect person to lead us. We don't want perfection - we want sincerity.

02-16-2005, 07:26 AM
OK, finishing my replies to everyone here. Shanberg, stormy and doinmybest, sorry for the lateness. It wasn't that I thought any less of your fantastic posts or anything. I was just writing away and ran out of time. Thank you SOOO much for all your help this morning. I tell you, it made all the difference to get up and read those messages from you. It really helped turn my day around I think. Thank you so so much.

shanberg -- "a great personality," "funny and smart"?!?! Wow, can I hire you Shannon. I need someone like you around me ALL the time. I will send you a monthly bank transfer if you just keep telling me things like this, OK? :spin: And, you had me laughing with your apologies. You don't have to tread easily with me, no walking on eggshells, in fact, you're welcome to throw eggs at me if you like. Then again, you were so sweet, maybe it is the best thing for me. . . yeah, I was really down and have been these past few days. I hear you on the on again off again dieting. And you're probably right, my body really, really knows how to put on fat. It's unbelievable really. You talk about splitting fat cells, 100, 200. I must have about 2 trillion of them! I mean, you should have seen pictures of me as a baby, we are talking ringlets of fat. I looked like a shar pei pup. (See photo below)

Actually, I don't know what's happening to tell the truth but the only way I've ever combatted my fat is through exercise. Nothing else seems to work for me. Well, thanks shan, for your kind words and encouragement. They really meant a lot to me.

stormy -- thank you so much as well. Like I said, I should have stayed away from the scale this morning but didn't. I got back on track though for a bit of exercise today though really, it's not all that much when I think of the hours I spend sitting around doing work. Yes, I hear you on the extra weight burdening the knees. And yes, Heidi, I'm sure would appreciate a lighter me. I owe it to her. Her knees I have to worry about. I did kind of want to go to Dubai but I'm OK with it now. I have to get things together a bit more here. It's too crazy, not having any money ever and then just hoping I'll make some connections. I think you're very right about me just having to put more effort into things. I thought about your saying you do it for yourself and that you HAVE to find time. I used to be like that and had gotten away from it recently. But, you're so right, I must do this. The problem is others use it against me, but I've learned to just keep quiet about it. I have you people to tell so that's more than enough!

doinmybest -- thanks you too. yes, I will love my body. I try to and usually do. It's me inside that I get down on. I am so glad you changed your mind about turning guys' heads and talking control of your life. You are an inspiration doinmybest, reminding us of all the things that are important. We have to shine on, right! :sunny: Thanks for caring. :thanks:

This here below is what I looked like at the age of 1 or so. Not nearly so cute though!

02-16-2005, 11:41 AM
Hope everyone is having a good day.

Red - You sound like you are feeling somewhat better. I am glad you finally poseted something about my earlier post. I was beginning to worry...I am glad I don't have to walk on eggshells. I just have to be careful because I can get really mouthy if I don't watch it!

Your story about Heidi in the stall was great! It reminded me of a story about my dog. He was part Golden Retriever and he loved water. He had a chain outside near my dad's work building. Several years ago, it rained and rained for like a week straight. There was water everywhere. I went out to check on him and could not believe what I saw...he had dug a hole big enough for his body to fit in. It had filled with water. He was in that hole just a bouncing around having the best time! I knew my dad would have a cow because the hole was so big (he was a big dog!). I went and got my mom and brother and we all stood at the edge of the house watching him play. When my dad got home, Buddy tried to jump out of the hole before he was caught, but he was so waterlogged and down in the hole he couldn't get out. My dad yelled out his name and by that time he had made it out of the hole. He looked at my dad with a look that said, "What are you yelling about...I didn't do anything!" He was covered in mud and water and just ran over to my dad like there was nothing wrong! It was soo funny. He knew he was in trouble, so he just pretended like nothing had happened. He wouldn't even walk over to the hole at all! Like it didn't exist! Animals are great! I can totally relate to your relationship with Heidi!

I can't believe you had a quake! I woulda been freaking out and running around yelling, "a quake, a quake!" Nothing like stating the obvious when you are in a panic!!!!

Don't worry about those pants. You will get back into them without any problems.

Little Grasshopper - Wow-you really had a great time on your mini vacation, huh! ;)

How are you doing on your 3 day push? Are you hanging in there? Remember to just take it one meal at a time. If it gets to stressful, take a meal break and then jump back in.

Stormy - Thanks for the sweet words. I have really enjoyed being on this board. I really like everyone and am having a blast writing all the time! Hope things are going well for you.

Doinmybest - How are ya? How's the book going?

Crime Girl - Shame on you for thinking you could bring us down! You don't have to worry about that. I don't know if you all have noticed yet, but I tend to think I can fix everyone else and their problems. Not my own, mind you, but everyone else is fair game!

Okay, so you fell off the what? It happens. You are under a great deal of stress at the moment. I am surprised you only fell off your diet wagon and haven't gone completely postal! You have nothing to apologize for. WE all have been there!

I lurked on this website for a very long time before I choose a group to join...yours. I read your posts and really liked the comraderie and support. I read a LOT of threads and yours was the best. You all do a great job including personal info and still remain on topic of weight loss. There are a lot of other threads that seemed to want to talk about anything but weight issues.

You don't have to hide. We will never judge you. I might fuss at you and give you a scolding, but I will never judge or talk down to you. You are a great motivator and thread leader. You can't abdicate! Sorry, no one else wants the job!

Here is what I am thinking. I think you are putting WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOURSELF!!! You want to lose for graduation and everytime you fall off the wagon your guilt is doubled. You need to stop that immediately! It is okay to slip..and it is okay to slip big time!!! Those slips are what motivate us to keep moving. Maybe you were being too strict on yourself and that is why you caved...your body was telling you something was up and you need to rework your eating. PM your email address. I will send you my diet sheets. I eat what I want when I want. I just count calories. Pick your number and then eat to that number. When I first started, I wasn't sure I could do it. It was a lot like counting points with weight watchers. But, after a while, it got easier and easier. Since I was counting everything I was eating, I didn't feel guilty about eating it. Yesterday, I ate a half a bagel with a half a tablespoon of peanut butter for breakfast and 14 baked lays for lunch...I left work early to get my taxes done and knew I'd be near fast food. I then had points to go get me something. I ate Zaxby's. I still stayed within my points b/c I ate so little during the morning hours. I also know that if I don't eat a big meal in the evening, I will snack all night long. So, I eat small, lite meals throughout the day so I can eat a big meal at nite. These are just some tricks I have learned to help me with my weight loss. That is what you need to do. Make mental notes of what works best for you.

I know that there are some people who can diet 24/7. They eat healthy every single meal! Have you ever read one of the food threads on here? Some of the things people eat are amazing to me. There is no way in hades I could eat those things...especially every meal! I know my limitations and weaknesses. I just accept them and work around them. I have slowly changed them and shaped them. Example, I used to buy a large chicken finger meal at Zaxbys. Now, I buy the regular. I am almost at the point to where I can eat the snack and be full. Small steps. Do I still order the large...heck yea! Sometimes I even eat it all! But its okay. It's a work in progress. That's what dieting really is. It is never ending. Check out the maintainers thread if you think it is. Even though they have reached their goal, they are still fighting the fight!

So, what am I fell off the wagon and tripped the horse. You know what you did wrong. Get over it. Move on. Its okay. Stop beating yourself up about it. Lose the guilt. Stop apologizing. Take a breath and start over. Only, start smaller. Make small changes. And, most importantly, DON'T HIDE!! How can we help you if you don't tell us what is wrong? This thread works both ways. You don't have to be perfect...just be here.

Okay, I've said enough.

Will check back in later....

02-16-2005, 03:43 PM
Hi everyone.

CG-do not feel bad about what you ate. Everyone breaks down and eats like that sometime. It is okay. Just get back on track. People are so hard on themselves. I hate to see that. So what, you messed up-you will get back on track and you will lose the weight. I ate two pieces of chocolate cake yesterday. It was my hubby's bosses birthday and so he brought home the cake. I could have just had one piece but no I had two. Oh well. I worked my butt off working out today and I am not going to let myself feel guilty. If you deny yourself too much you are bound to cheat and sometimes the cheating goes overboard. There is no need to look back it is over and done. CG, I know exactly how it is to be under tremendous pressure. I know that you will get through this. Forgive yourself!

Shan-Goldies are my favorite dogs. I want one but I have three cats and I am way to busy to give a dog attention. You are so tight about small steps. Everything should be done in small steps.

Red-do not worry about what are people think. Really, who cares what other people think? You need to do this for yourself. Did you make it to the gym today? I hope that you are trying to stay away from the scale. This is an example of how evil the scale is. I weighed myself Monday for my Valentine's Day Challenge. Since I began my Easter challenge yesterday I decided to weigh myself. Guess what I gained 4 pounds b/t Monday and Tuesday. The scale lies so do not believe it.

02-16-2005, 04:03 PM
Hi, Stormy!

You have three cats? Wow! That's cool. I like kittens, but not cats. Weird, huh?

How was the cake? It's TOM for me and I am really wanting chocolate right now! Lucky for me, the snack machine is broken, so no cheating for me!!!

Are you the one that does Tae Bo? My brother just bought the new dvds...something about a bootcamp workout? It had a meal plan, an exercise plan, three dvds, resistance bands, and dog tags(no idea). He is totally psyched about it! He used to do Hapkido, so I think this will be good for him.

You are right about those scales...they are evil with their own agenda! You can meet your Easter goal! I will even join your crusade...what is the challenge? Maybe between you, me and red we can all drop some weight in time for the big Easter binge!

Have a great afternoon.

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Crime Girl, where are you? Are you okay?


02-16-2005, 04:42 PM
Hey everybody! I am so excited today! I am packing and getting ready to go to Belgium tomorrow. I'll be having a week vacation with my darling boyfriend. He's in a tizzy, he worries too much.

So I am going to go play all week and see old builings and art museums. Yay! I'll tell you all about it when I get back!

CG- yes, it's disappointing to be weak and do the thing that you don't want to do...But I try to tell myself, 'perfection is not required, but persistence is'

My kitty will miss me.

02-16-2005, 05:12 PM
Morning all. Will try to type fast as I have to get going. I spend so much time on this forum but it IS most definitely worth it. Thank God for ADSL. Before I used to have a dialup connection and it was so expensive and bothersome.

shanberg -- I'm so sorry I didn't get right back to you yesterday but I didn't want to just say thanks and then run off and I typed so much that I ran out of time and had to put off replying to everyone. I tend to be from methodical because I don't want to miss people. I feel bad when I've typed a ton and then get no comment on it. Actually, though, other times I'm glad people have just let all the blabber go by. :lol: You will know me better the more you write, Shan, although hearing as you were a longtime lurker! you probably should already. I think people should be generally less touchy. It's arrogant and egoistic to be touchy about what people say to you, I think. Be glad people bother to talk to you at all is my philosophy. It's like here, people are the champion eggshell walkers of the world and I think it leads to enormous and serious problems. You get people unable to express their emotions, no, unable even to FEEL their emotions and then on the flipside you get a lot of talking behind one's back, backstabbing and a general malaise of passiveness. That I think is the worst. People don't DO anything. They have to follow others. This is the land of no initiative. This is one of the things I love about Americans. They are (or as I remember them) still relatively awake, or willing to be. They still have a good bit of curiosity about life.

Loved your dog story. Animals know what they want and try to get it. I hate to see the way people here relate to horses and animals in general. With the horses especially, they are always trying to shut them up, never communicate, never listen to what they're trying to say and eventually the horses stop trying to talk. I see the horses come in from Europe and they are dying for someone to talk to. Most Japanese think of them, well, as they do their children, put them in a mold, tell them not to stray from it, and don't try to ever talk with them. It is rare to find people who have explored their thoughts and feelings enough to be at all interesting. They like me because I am "so frank" but really I am much more reserved than most Westerners. The older I get though, the more I say. :lol:

I have four cats, by the way, shan. I can understand your liking kittens but not cats. They are very different at first glance, but once you get to know them, you'll see they're not really. And all animals will reflect their owners if they have been with them long enough and not traumatized or deeply influenced by someone else from an early age.

Quakes we have all the time. I'd look like an idiot if I panicked about them anymore. But inside, I am panicking big time! All of Japan has tremors constantly. The other day I was at the stable when all of a sudden all the horses (about 25) kind of startled in the barn. My horse was in the wash rack and she startled too. I couldn't feel anything but one of the stall doors was open and started banging so I figured it was a tremor. I went inside the club house and turned on the TV and sure enough there had been a tremor. They immediately put the report on of how big it was and where it was centered and if there is danger of a tsunami. Since Japan is surrounded by ocean there is always danger of tsunami for the coastal areas. A couple years ago, a whole little town was wiped out up on the north island of Hokkaido by a tsunami. Of course, we all know about the recent one. Japan is up on report and warning systems for them that's why they offered to help. Unfortunately, tsunamis are really rare in that area. That's why they was so much devastation. People didn't realize what could happen.

So, shan, how was your weigh-in? It sounds like you are doing great with your steps and eating less, working on things you can change without putting on too much pressure. Keep it up! You're doing great! :flow1:

stormy -- Hi there. Yeah, the scale, obviously it is just registering water weight with you, there's no way you've gained four pounds. You have the incentive of actually having gotten so near your challenge goal for VDay. You'll do it for Easter. I did get to the gym yesterday. Didn't do all that much except the weights, which was chest and back and I do go heavy with that. I got on the bike for 15 because I figured my knees needed the rest. That makes it four days straight to the gym! At all hours too, straight after riding twice, once early morning before work and yesterday after other work but not late. I feel tighter. I am really like a rock with all this padding on me. I look in the mirror and see the fat but know there's a ton of muscle under it and I just think I have to melt the fat off the top. Instead of getting down about looking like a hulk, which I do, get down about it AND look like a hulk because I'm strong, I have to realize that the fat is from my weeks of slothful ways, NOT what I'm doing NOW. I tend to do well and then see the fat and get discouraged. . . like it was going to disappear all of a sudden just because I've gotten my sorry butt to the gym for a few days! Thanks for your encouragement storm!

doinmybest -- have fun on your trip! Take care and come back and tell us everything!

Crime Girl, grass, NBK, kjk, Jacque, anyone I've forgotten! looking forward to hearing from you real soon!! :wave:

Crime girl
02-16-2005, 05:26 PM
I admit it - I freaked out and frankly I am still freaked. Thanks for all the kind words- they help more than you can possibly know. You all had some good points and I think maybe I am sabatoging myself by expecting perfection in my diet routine. I will try to give myself some breathing room and chill out a tad. :grouphug: Thats from me to you because you guys keep me in line and I can see a glimmer of hope even when I am at my lowest. :D
I can only be on for a minute- I have a midterm next Tuesday and need to study like a fiend until it is over. Sorry I am not responding to each of you. I hope you are all doing great and life is treating you well. I may not be on much until next Wed but I am fine and will try to get back on track and back in a tolerable mindset.
Need to go- thank you all!

02-16-2005, 05:44 PM
Jumped on for one last check in before I head out.

Doinmybest - Belguim!! Wow!! That sounds great! Try to remember everything and give us the 411 when you get back! Bring your kitty a present back since he (she?) will be so miserable without you!! Have fun and be safe!

Crime Girl - Glad you posted a quickie! I was a little worried you had decided to hibernate in the sand! Glad you are at least a little more calm! Hang in there with the studying. Good luck on your exam!!

Red - You are da bomb, girl! You are so great! I cannot believe you live where there are quake tremors and threats of tsunami's!!! I can't wait to tell people I talk to someone that lives in Tokyo!!!!

I am glad you are so good to your horse (and the others, too, I am betting!!). I am like you. I hate it when people get animals, then treat them so terribly. And I don't just mean abuse! Animals are smart. They love people and communicate in their own way. I hate it when people ignore that, or, like you said, try to break them of that! What's the point in having an animal if you aren't going to bond with it???

And you are right about animals taking on their owners personalities!! My dog would tell on me! Actually tell and try to get me in trouble!! I'd tease him with his treats and he'd look at my mom, bark once, look at me, look back at my mom and bark again. He'd keep doing that until she got on to me! It was so weird!!!

Your work environment sounds dreadful. I am not sure I could work there. Then again, I did work at Wal-Mart for five years! There was definate backstabbing, backtalking, and some undbelieveable vendictiveness...and those were just the employees!!! No wonder you have so much stress over your job!

I was thinking earlier about what you said when you are proofing and have to sit in the floor. I saw on tv an advertisement for this tray that you can adjust. It has special legs that slide under the chair you are sitting in so you can use it anywhere. I think it is 20 or 30 dollars, but the offer was you buy one and get another one free (plus shipping and handling). If I see the commercial again, would you like me to write the info down? Is that something you'd be interested in?

I haven't weighed since Monday. I only weigh once a week. I'd go crazy if I weighed every day! I think I am doing okay. My eating is pretty good. It always gets pretty bad during TOM, but I try to keep it under control if I can!!!

Okay, guess that is enough for now. Will be back tomorrow. Hope everyone has a great afternoon!!!!


02-16-2005, 05:49 PM
Crime girl, yeah!! glad to hear from you! Hang in there, kid, you can do it all!!

Shanberg, you are the sweetest!! You make me laugh you're so sweet. How have you ever survived in this cruel world!! Take care and I'll write more later. Off to the horses. :wave:

little grasshopper
02-16-2005, 08:01 PM
Crime girl - you FREAK!! ;) this is a great group to freak out in! You'll be in great company any time it happens :) :) I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Good luck on the midterm and don't sweat the small stuff. You're doing a great job!!

Red - 4 days in a row, huh? That's GREAT! Maybe you can rub off on me some? I haven't been all week - yet. I'm going tomorrow....:) I'm glad you're feeling tighter too! Isn't that GREAT feeling!!!!!

Stormy - I had chocolate cake this weekend too. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped - so now I still want chocolate cake! Ug. Good for you for not freaking out and just hitting the gym. After all, none of us got to our current weights with one cheat a week - or even two or three.....:)

Shannon - I'm glad you're here! Lurker huh :) So you had us all pegged before you even got here :) :) Well you're one of us now :) You're right, the people on this board ARE great! I couldn't make it without them!! I have two dogs and one of them (the only one with a tail) is sitting by a rubbermade box wagging her tail - only everytime it hits the box she scares herself. She still hasn't figured out it's HER OWN TAIL! :) That poor girl is scared of everything!

doingmybest - wow - have a great vacation!!!! That sounds wonderful!!! We look forward to hearing from you when you get back!

okay guys - I had a LONG day. Longest in my history as a massage therapist. Good day just very physically taxing. I need to ice my arms and get a hot bath to soak the sore muscles! Talk to you all soon!!

Oh, eating has been good - except that I'm having Boar's head salami right now - I can't help it!!! I need to cheat on least it's not sugar :) I will allow myself this kind of junk THIS week only - while I get back on track. Exercise has not happened at all!! I am going to the gym tomorrow and kick starting myself back into gear.

Also, am getting a soil analysis and organic seeds for my garden. I'm DETERMINED to have one this year! I love fresh veggies from the yard! Best kind :) See you all later tonight.

02-16-2005, 08:25 PM
Shan-Yes it is me who does Tae Bo. When you have a minute can you find out the name of the bootcamp DVD from your brother? I have one by The Crunch that I love but I would not mind another one.

Doin-Have a great time on your vacation. Enjoy every minute of it.

Red-it is great that you have been to the gym 4 days straight. Does this gym have a swimming pool?

GH-take it one step at a time. Also get back to that gym, it will make you feel so much better. Last night I met a massage therapist and I thought of you. My first connection with one since we moved to Nashville so now I'll have someone to refer my patients to. Maybe I should get a massage first before I refer people to her.

CG-hang in you have a daily countdown to graduation?

little grasshopper
02-16-2005, 11:18 PM
Stormy - I would HIGHLY recommend you get a massage from her first! I keep working on people that have had bodywork before and they have never had textbook stuff done to help their checking glutes when there is low back and hamstring pain - or checking pecs when there is scap pain! There is a huge range of training and we all fall somewhere inside of it. I just hope I fall closer to the effective end. My best friend finds a new massage therapist every 3 months when she ships to a new job location - only 1 out of 6 has treated the areas that are most effective in rehabbing muscles, creating lasting improvement and getting rid of pain - and all have been recommended by hospital staff! (she works at hospitals).

I hate to talk bad about my field but I'd also hate for you to send people to a therapist and have them not be treated as well as you expect! This is your field too though - you're probably more experienced in that area than I am!! And I haven't found a PT here either - so we're kind of in the same boat with different paddles :)

okay guys - I have to get to bed. I watched WEST WING - CRIME GIRL :) And now it's time for beautiful sleep!!! Tomorrow comes way to soon!

02-17-2005, 12:27 AM
Hello. I am new here and stumbled upon your forum by accident. You are all very encouraging. I look forward to reading more posts. Keep up the good work!

02-17-2005, 05:04 AM
Subpremeprincess -- Welcome! :wave: Come on in and chat with us. We'd love to hear from you. Wow, look at you go with the weight loss! Congratulations. We would all love to hear how you've done it. We need all the inspiration we can get!!

02-17-2005, 07:16 AM
Hi there. I made it five in a row at the gym!! I am on a roll. Hope I can keep this up more or less. I feel tons better. Spring was in the air today and I felt great. Tomorrow it's back to cold and rain and it looks like I'm going to be rained out of riding. That always puts me in danger of depression for not being able to go see my horse but let's hope I can keep up my great attitude and get through any down times.

Crime girl -- like I said before I am glad you stopped in for a post. Good luck studying and I hope you will at least stop in here to say hi occasionally! :wave:

shanberg -- How are you doing? It must be hard always writing at work. That's where you write from, right? Can you sneak in writing time or are you not watched or doesn't it matter? In any case, I'm glad you can write to us. I know we all love hearing from you. Thanks for your suggestion for a table that fits on a chair. That would be rather neat but it's OK, I can get a foldup table. I have a few of them but they're all low to the ground. I saw a tall one the other day fairly nearby but don't know how I can get it home. Well, I do know but I just hate putting out any money right now. I will just have to improvise and I do know a way. I just haven't gotten round to doing it. Thanks so much for your offer though :thanks:

grasshopper -- yup, isn't that awesome!? Five days in a row to the gym! I do feel so much stronger and fitter. I have more energy again once I get into it. I think getting off sugar is doing it too. What's your dog without a tail? Was it docked? I guess so, right? There are no tailless dogs naturally are there? I have two tailless cats, Japanese bobtails. I mean, they have tails, just very short ones! Hope you got some rest. Massage therapist work must be really tiring. Good exercise though, right. You must have very strong hands, arms, and torso, no? Your garden sounds great! Good luck with it.

stormy -- no, the gym doesn't have a pool but that's OK as I don't like to swim. It's just so much bother and I'm not very good at it. I'd much rather swim in a pond or lake I guess. The chlorine is very strong here and really hurts my eyes and throat. Do you like to swim?


Well, I should be doing some work but I'm tired. Going to turn in soon. Drinking night tomorrow night. I will try to restrain myself. Sunday and Tuesday I have to meet people for drinks as well. Sunday maybe I can get out of. Tuesday is a must. Drinking is an important part of work here, the socializing is really an offshoot of business and if you want to cultivate connections you have to take part. No problem there but it's a bummer when I was just getting revved about the weight battle again. Alcohol is a real downer even if you have fun. After all, it is a depressant and it is a poison. Ugh, I used to have so much fun drinking. Oh well, I will concentrate on making the people feel happy without chugging myself, maybe. . . maybe. . .

02-17-2005, 09:59 AM
HI everyone,

LGH-I will get one from her first. She works at a very popular day spa here in town. How is getting back into your routine coming?

Red- I love to swim. I am a water baby. I rather swim in the ocean than a pool though. I was just thinking of it to relieve some pressure off of your knees. Running in the water is VERY effective. It gives about 12-30% more resistance than regular running. Be careful with that drinking. Major empty calories. You saying that about drinking and business reminds me of an old episode of Seinfeld. All of these Japanese men get drunk and it is hilarious.

Supremeprin-You have done AWESOME. Tell us your secret! Wow! How long has it taken to lose that much? Are you working out too? Welcome and please try to post so we can get to know you. WE have had several people join us in the last couple of weeks.

02-17-2005, 11:30 AM
How is everyone????

Things are okay for me. I am having a really stressful time at work. It is making me very irritated, so I am having tobe very, very careful with what I say. I get mouthy when I am irritated and I don't hold back!!! :devil:

Little Grasshopper - That story about your dog was great! Made me laugh! Dogs are sooo funny!!

I wish I could grow a garden-I have such a black thumb!!! I planted some plants last year on my vacation. All but two of them died! I am going to have to replace them! Some of them died right away! Poor plants!!!

Stormy - The name of the tae bo dvds are Billy Blanks Bootcamp. You can get them at It costs 49.95 for the set (plus shipping)...came to 55.00. He was very excited about it. He is starting it full blast on Monday (it didn't arrive until Tuesday of this week). I looked in the box and the resistance bands looked very well made!

Red - Wow! You are really kicking serious bootie with the gym!!! You go girl!!!

I do my writing from work. Luckily, nobody hangs over my shoulders or anything. I can pretty much hop on whenever I need to. The afternoons are a little hectic when everybody starts getting back in. I tend to have a high traffic volume through my office-people needing help or just stopping in to talk! I have such a tight budget that I can't afford internet at home. Not to mention my pc is extremely old and would take forever to load!!! I'd just end up shooting it!!

Can you still go visit Heidi even when it rains? You might not be able to ride her, but seeing her and giving her a little love might keep the depression at bay!

Subpremeprincess - Welcome. Great job on your weight loss!! Drop in for a few posts when you can!! This is a great thread!

Okay, gotta go do some work for a while. Will check back in a little later. Have a great day!


02-17-2005, 03:59 PM
Shan- I hope your day is going by a little better. Hang in there! Thank you for letting me know about those tapes. Once your brother starts them let me know how he likes them. Like I said I may be interested if it is different stuff than his old videos. I'll check out the site.

02-17-2005, 05:01 PM
Good morning. Restless night last night. Kept waking up. Sign of overtraining I know but here I am again planning to get to the gym before work this morning. I have other work I should be doing at home but I'm on a roll and just want to go. It's so hard to put the things I WANT into my life while doing the things I HAVE TO do in order to keep the things I want. Not fair. Not fair! But I CAN do it all and I WILL.

Bad dreams last night too were making things unpleasant. Work-related and how they had written me out of the schedule, just like that, no notice, no explanation. I heard they heard I was thinking of joining a publisher's and so they figured I didn't need the job. It is so like them that it could well have not been a dream. I was pissed off in my dream because I wanted to leave on my own terms and the reason I stay now is because of the money. If I can find something to replace it I will be gone! Anymore, it has sunken to new depths of absurdity. We had formed a union and I was reading the minutes from the last week with top management and I could not believe (well, actually I believe ANYTHING at that place now) and it was just insane. They are true idiots and there is no hope for that paper. I want to go in and scream to them they have killed the paper and it used to be a good one. They are literally killing it allowing it to become a rag (not that it was anything great but it had its days and I was there then). I think I was saying that in my dream too so you see it was all real stuff too. Ah well, I was thinking yesterday that whereas a month ago (or less) I was still feeling nostalgic and sad about leaving the place, now I truly don't care. I have lost affection for my coworkers as well. Funny, how circumstances really show what a person is made of. I think I had sunk so low recently but now I'm on my way back up and I am going to use the power I have (and that is GREAT) and pull myself from this place. Something is helping me, I think mostly discipline. I am getting more and more of it. Wish me strength!

Oh yes, yesterday I had a good lesson in that my teacher only had to tell me to keep my head up twice! I have a habit of tilting it down when I ride because this is a habit when I'm thinking. It affects your back muscles, which have to stabilize you and keep you torso totally still. I hadn't realized just how much it does affect you but when I was jogging on the treadmill I finally realized it. It was much easier to run with the head up and the back steady. So I did it on the horse and it must have been what she wanted because she didn't have to correct me. Hurrah! Small progresses.


stormy -- that's right. I remember now you said you love anything with water. Yes, swimming would be good for the knees. Even riding the bike is not the best for me because I am often sore in sensitive places from the saddle (on the horse) that the bike saddle hurts. I wish I could run in the pool, or just tread water but all the pools here are very shallow. They make them that way I guess because it's cheaper. There are deep pools somewhere I guess for athletes but they are rare and I've never seen one and couldn't go find one, it would be too far. Really, they are really shallow. I'm only 5 feet and the water only comes up to my chest. I know about the empty beer calories and you know it's really putting a damper on thoughts of meeting up with people tonight. I arranged this meeting (and next week's) when I was still in my pigging out phase and it sounded great. But whenever I go off sugar I find I don't want to drink at all really and that's where I am now. Oh well, I'll just try to have some nice conversation. A beer or two will make that flow more easily. I have to be really careful though on the way home because with the alcohol in me my resolve plummets and the tempting convenience stores are all around. Wish me luck please!

shanberg -- Sorry to hear you're having a lousy day. You sound like me these days at the office. It's sad. I used to be so quiet and contented-like. I put up with lots of **** but it was never like this these days. Maybe you're in a similar situation and need to move on. Any thoughts in that direction? I can visit Heidi when it rains but really I think I will just have to buckle down and do the work that I've been putting off these past few days because I've been determined to get to the gym. It's a long way out to the club and eats up tons of time. Sometimes I do work on the train but it's probably not worth it. I will get by. Hope you feel better.

02-17-2005, 05:39 PM
Just listening to what has become my favorite song of late, "Counting the Days" by Collective Soul. Love the chorus . . . I see myself rising from my rut, totally empowered, totally rockin'!!

". . . Counting the days (yeah)
Until some freedom can scream my name
Counting the days (yeah)
Until the gods break these chains. . . "

The next song on my iTunes list is Janis Joplin's "Half Moon." We're just past the half moon now and last night as I was walking home, I get into my neighborhood, which is full of little shops in narrow streets. As I walked past a shop I saw a young father holding his little girl in his arms and at the same time I hear the shop people across the way asking him, "What are you looking at?" He was pointing into the sky and I heard him reply, "the moon. The moon is out." And sure enough I look up, knowing it was a half moon and there it is hanging big and bright in the sky. He'd been showing his little girl the moon. Pictures of life caught passing by. I thought, what a great dad, what a lucky little girl. . .

02-17-2005, 06:20 PM
Red-what a sweet story about the little girl and her dad. It reminds me of when I was little. I would look up at night and say "Look it's a pizza moon". They would tell me over and over it is a piece of moon not pizza. I am sorry that work is not going well. So many people are not happy with their jobs. I hope that things work out for you. I am glad that you are going to the gym on a regular basis. Hang in there tonight during your beer drinking meeting. Try not to go overboard. Like everything keep it in moderation. I have friends who smoke when they drink. Only when they drink. Sounds like you are tempted to eat. Usually when I drink I do not like to eat. I just like to talk and unfortunately drink more. You have worked hard so don't go crazy! Try to enjoy yourself!

little grasshopper
02-17-2005, 07:34 PM
Hi everyone!

Shannon - I hope your day got better! It's hard when you really really want to say something but can't! I'm not that great at keeping it inside either...I can but that usually comes with not even dealing with whatever is wrong at the time - it's all or nothing sometimes :)

Stormy - I love your pizza moon story! Very cute!!! I use to love to eat "pie Rust" They told me again and again what it was called but I said it the wrong way for so long that I couldn't change it....You asked me if a picture had made it on the board yet - It hasn't. I took my camera and 2 rolls of film with us this weekend and asked BF to take ONE picture of me - that's all I asked and he kept that darn camera for 2 days and didn't take one picture!!! I've been distracted lately too and have forgotten to get one taken. I'll work on it. It's still the best hair cut I've ever gotten and total strangers ask me about where I got it done. Wal-Mart :)

Red - You're on quite the gym streak!! I'm glad you're feeling so pumped and motivated!!!! We have this stuff here called "butt butter" that cyclists use. I use to use a ton of it when road riding!!! It was the greatest stuff in the world but it probably preventing something different than you're experiencing, huh? It was to prevent rubbing. Keep you from getting "saddle sores" - I got ONE and was a religious butt butter customer from that day forward!

Well guys - I'm beat. Did work out today and did a lot of scouting around for my garden. Found a little old man with a tiller - he is coming out next week (I think) to till the ground for me - now I have to get all the stuff I need mixed into it ready to go! We have clay here but I'm told it's a bit different from clay everywhere else. I didn't know this - but I'm glad I asked someone because if you do what it says to do for clay in the books you'll turn you soil into really dry, hard stuff that no plant can get through.......or so I'm told. I may have bought the world's best sales pitch? :) Anyway I'm very excited and even bought some seeds today. I'm ordering the rest this week. I'll have all kinds of stuff growing :) Talk to everyone soon! Meri

02-18-2005, 02:50 AM
Umm HI, I hope you all remember me. No time to catch up, just snuck into work to see how bad my inbox is (102 emails!!) before monday. I had a wicked holiday.. the Velvet Revolver concert was supreme.. as was meeting Scott Weiland and Slash.. yep that's right!!! he he he he he he he

Well just had to share. I hope you are all well. Welcome to all the newbies. I'll try to catch up properly on monday my time unless it rains and then I'll come in and do some more computer stuff...
Take care
(p.s i can't believe no one missed me! lol)

02-18-2005, 11:58 AM's Friday!!!

I'm sorry I didn't post again yesterday afternoon. I started one, but kept getting interrupted, so I just gave up!

My day was terrible. I tried to do something to help out a team leader and instead it back fired and he got in a little trouble. Not a lot, but I still felt awful! He said it was okay, and I know it is, but I still can't help but to feel very guilty! I felt so bad I had two chocolate cupcakes from the machine in the break room!

Red - I cannot believe you remember your dreams in such vivid detail. I can never remember mine! Sometimes I can remember feelings, but not details.

Great story about the moon. I used to have a telescope when I was a little girl and I would spend hours sitting outside staring at the sky. At one point, I wanted to be an astronaut...until I found out how much math they had to take! That ended that dream right quick like!!

Hope your drink nite went well...what do you drink? I work for a Budweiser distributorship, so I am a little curious about what everyone drinks!

Stormy - I'll give you the 411 on what my brother thinks of the tae bo dvds! He is supposed to start them on Monday. They looked pretty good to me, but I've never done tae bo!!!

Little Grasshopper - Glad your garden project is working out so well for you. My boss has a garden every year. She always brings in the extra veggies she has and they are always so tastey! She and her husband work it all summer. They always have an abundance (her husband gets a little carried away with the number and types of things he plants! good for me, bad for her!!). Are you doing just vegetables, herbs, or a combination of both?

NBK - Glad you are back! Glad you had a great time!! When you say you met Slash, do you mean slash the guitarist from Guns N Roses? Does he still have all that hair??

Good luck getting back into the swing of things! Hop on whenever you get the chance and let us know all about your trip!!

Gotta go. Got get the computer set up to recieve orders. Then am having lunch with some of my guys! Will check back in this afternoon...if I can get left alone long enough!


02-18-2005, 01:33 PM
Hello everyone! When you feel like quitting, know that you are not alone. We can all hang in there together! I have fallen of the weight loss wagon many times but somehow manage to get back on. I have just tried to work harder. I lack self-discipline and have really been trying to stick with my program. I have found that it is very helpful to keep a food journal with my exercises in it. I also am sure to keep a rewards page in the back of it as well. I reward myself for the small things because the small things equal weight loss. If I keep my food journal I reward myself with a new lipstick or cd. The posts that all of you write have also been very helpful. It is hard to stay positive and upbeat when it is 10 degrees outside! Thank God for Leslie Sansone! I also run the stairs in my apartment building too. Remember that we can be our own worst critic or we can choose to be our best coach. If only I could work on that snack before bedtime....

02-18-2005, 04:22 PM
Hi everyone. One last check in before I leave. Will try to check in over the weekend, but not sure if I can.

Today was much better than yesterday! I am excited that it is the weekend, finally!! I have plans to go see my brother this weekend and maybe catch a flick!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.


02-18-2005, 07:35 PM
NBK, welcome back!!!! I missed you big time!! Get your butt in here toute suite and tell us all about your adventures, you groupie you!!

little grasshopper
02-18-2005, 09:59 PM
NBK - welcome back!! Sounds like you had a great vacation! Can't wait to hear the details :)

Shannon - I hope things smoothed over with your co-worker. It an awful feeling when you think you've let someone down or gotten them in trouble. I'm sure he knows you're the goodhearted person you are and has forgotten it already! (just in case - open no ticking packages for a few, okay :) :) ) I'm sure he'd fine. You were probably much harder on yourself than he was.

Guys - the garden thing is overwhelming me. I have this HUGE space and so much needs to be done. I know I can't do it all now but it's just so hard to figure out where to start! I keep seeing things are getting excited - only to remember that I CAN'T do that either....this year :) I do intend to have the veggies garden though. Just a lot more that needs to be done to the yard....gaps in the privacy trees - landscaping around our house and around our back deck......figuring out what to do with this slope that grass seed won't grow Sorry for whining - at least it's keeping me busy and I haven't had time to eat bad food.

okay, BF and I bought board games tonight and we're going to play now. Check in later :)

02-19-2005, 10:26 AM
Hi everyone! i am at school right now. So just a quick hello!

NBK, I want all the details about the meeting with Scott and Slash. Did you get pictures? I hope so. By the way, we did miss you!

Shan, I ordered a couple of the bootcamp ones from the Billy Blanks store. I broke down. I guess I am addicted to these home exercise videos.

GH, good luck with your garden. I am sure it will turn out great!

Subpreme, you have done wonderful in your weightloss so far! Keep it up!

02-19-2005, 04:45 PM
Wow, no action around here again. Where is everyone? Losing momentum it looks like. Stormy, glad you popped in. Sure wish I had room to do videos and stuff at home but there is absolutely none. :(
I am losing enthusiasm again. Mainly because my routine has been disrupted for work that doesn't pay and I don't want to be doing but feel it is linked to possible work in the future. Have to go to the racetrack today, which means I can't ride. Was going to ride yesterday but was rained out. I hate not being able to go out and see my horse and ride. Also, can't get to the gym. Really depressing. :halfempty On top of that the light in my room is broken so it's really dark. There is no light coming in to the room. I don't have time to try to find a light and getting it home on the train is a problem. Really, I was at a store last week trying to get a little table and they only deliver on their terms, which means it's impossible for me because I'm rarely home. The only other way to get it home is to have it mailed by special delivery service, which is expensive. Really, life in Tokyo really sucks a lot of times. Oh well, rant, rant. I am down on life again, my life. Really wish there was some talk going on here that would help lift me up. Guess everyone has other things to do. Grasshopper, your garden dilemma sounds enviable. Just take it section by section. You don't have to have a giant, blooming, vegetable-packed garden right away. What kind of veggies are you planning to grow. We always had the easy ones, cukes, stringbeans, tomatoes. Pumpkins are fun and easy too. The ground was very claylike where I was too. Really, putting in all sorts of stuff can be avoided if you stick to plants that do well in the soil you have. If you want other things though, that's when you have to change the ground. Well, hope we get some people in here soon! :dancer:

little grasshopper
02-19-2005, 10:50 PM
Hi guys. Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend! I had fun all day today playing in the yard. Did I tell you BF gave me a Tree Pruner for V-day. I used it all day long. I'm so tired now!! Worried because there are diseased trees all along the property line and it's on a line that the neighbors seem to think is their property - it's clearly ours....we have several different ways to prove this but they are old and they don't care about our "proof" :) I hope we don't have to take those trees could get messy. We don't need that part of the yard..not like we're using it. I'm fine with leaving it there and letting them grow old in peace, thinking it's their yard....but if the tree is sick enough it's making the rest of my trees sick - it's got to go.

Okay enough about trees. We have decided to not do a full garden this year. Mostly because of cost and the other things that need to be done here. There really is a lot that we want to do - basic landscaping stuff to make our yard more private and nice. For one thing - there is a HUGE pile of dead tree limbs mixed with leaves that borders one side.....HUGE! We burned stuff all day today and it doesn't look like we made a dent in it. Oops - I'm back on trees again....sorry.

garden - too much money in soil amendments. RED - you're right about the native plants doing better - that's true anywhere, but our clay is so hard that it chokes out the roots of new plants pretty easily - it gets to dense - so we have to add all kinds of stuff to give it space and drainage. I'm going to focus on my rose garden (already mostly done) and a border that doens't have much for privacy right now - I've already picked the bushes and will pick them up next week and get them in the ground.

okay - as for food - not great. Cheat day today though. My weight is up but after vacation and then weekend away, I was expecting it to be. I have been good about exercise though. I am going to the gym this week every day - like it or not....I have a light schedule this week. Also I added a veggie mix to my daily stuff - make sure I get my veggies. I have a habit of coming home and deciding I only want meat for dinner. I'm hoping this picks up the slack.

Red - I hope you're feeling better. I'm sorry the weather and work are mucking up your plans! I wish I could send you some of our weather. It's beautiful outside!! Don't let this derail all the great progress you made last week!! You're doing great - good luck with the lamp too! Living in the dark isn't good :)

Everyone have a great weekend!!!

02-20-2005, 04:43 PM
hello! Umm welll I can't stay too long here right now, I have like a billion things to catch up on at work and my boss is being very friendly (i am scared). Anyway Yes I did meet Slash of G'nR fame and Scott Weiland (oh yeah) from STP, but being the kiwi that I am, I was breaking enough social protocols here to even talk to them, let alone ask for a photo! (we have this whole ignore famous people thing happening in NZ) but it was awesome...the concert rocked too. Anyway i think I'll do red's trick and write up a holiday report in word, (so i looks like I am really doing proper work) and then post it. But I'm pleased you missed me! he he!!! ooh yeah, despite feeling like a fat pie the whole time I was away, I got back and I was 73.6 kg!! and am still 73.8 this morning.. now I was up to 75.4 before I left, so either I have lost a truck load of muscles or being on holiday agrees with me!!

toodle pip

02-20-2005, 04:51 PM
Heh, NBK, waiting for that report. Great to hear you lost weight too! I'm just up (out of bed). Have a ton of work to do too. Will check in later. Grass, hi there!
Where is everyone?! Crime girl, still studying hard?

02-20-2005, 10:04 PM
Hello everyone! I am so sick of snow! I am ready to do my walking outdoors, but the weather has been rather uncooperative. I can't wait for spring. Other than the snow, things aren't going too bad here. It's nice to see that everyone is hanging in there. If you get away from your program, just get back to it. I think that always getting back to my program has helped. In the past, I would just say forget about it and have another candy bar. The thought of controlling my diet and exercise previously sent me running to the fridge until I saw a picture of myself : ) I am trying to get into somewhat good shape by my birthday. If I lose 25 pounds by July that would be nice but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. For some reason, everyone seems to think that I don't need to lose anymore weight, but I am sticking to my program. My next step is to add at least 10% to my cardio program this coming week.
Red- hang in could be buried in snow with very little sunshine like me ... : )
if you can't work out, march in place in front of the tv for a little while, it's better than nothing and it may cheer you up a bit

02-20-2005, 11:50 PM
he he he.. i have this picture of red singing the "grand old duke of york" whilst marching, arms swinging to a really seedy japanese anime program.. or that japanese game show for masochists, ENDURANCE!!!

holiday report still coming..i think i have food poisoning.. nothing wants to stay down today...

02-21-2005, 03:35 AM
Hello Everyone,

Ok I am now ready to get focus on my weight issue. I don't eat alot, I just eat the wrong things. Sugar and I are old friends, however my newest friend is Diabetes :( So I now have no choice but to get it under control. I have paid up my gym membership for the whole year and I now have no excuses.

It's now Sunday night at about 11pm.......So Monday morning I am going to get on the scale and see where I stand. I will start my work out regimine on February 28th and I already have my sights set on a skinnier me. I am real excited about getting started but I know I will need motivation to to stay excited.....because the Hostess Honey Bun keeps calling my name :(


02-21-2005, 07:16 AM
Hi people. Finishing up Monday here. Going to write this, then do some more proofing work before I write some more posts and emails. Otherwise I just sit here writing emails and don't do any work! Have to force myself. Well, I got through the day at work and this is Day 13 of no sugar, no nuts etc. on my four-way Lent thing. Even yesterday at the track, despite lots of beer, I turned down sweets and nuts (not hard because the nuts were in little packs with tiny dried fish. Ugh. So, I've stuck to it and I can't say I feel better because at the moment I don't but that is mostly due to the residual hangover and lack of sleep. The other day I had taken a measure of those pants that I wasn't even able to close the top button on. It was a full handspread (thumb to pinkie) apart. But yesterday I tried them on and I was able to button that top button. Ok, so the zipper is gaping madly but still. . .of course this was before all the beer but I do think that cutting out the sugar is still putting me way ahead of the game.


grass -- talk about trees all you want. I love them. hope you can put in some quality time for yourself this week because of your light schedule. It's so nice to be able to do that. Thanks for the encouragement. Though it was hard work, a lot harder than I imagined before, I did see some progress last week so I'm just going to try to keep it up. These past few days, though, work and schedules are really getting in the way of exercise. Still, it's the long haul that counts, right?

NBK -- why do you think your boss is being so friendly? What's up do you think or were you just joking? Male boss? So, you felt like a fat pie, did you!? :lol: Well, glad the scale is down. Probably you weren't stressing and stress eating and you may have been moving more so yeah, maybe a loss is possible.

subpreme -- thinking warm thoughts for you. When is your birthday, July? yes, maybe I'll try marching in place a bit. And NBK, don't laugh!

Tae2tas -- welcome!! :wave: Ouch, diabetes, huh? I'm sorry to hear that. What do you have to do? Do you need to get shots or can you control it with diet? I'm not too up on these things. I am a sugar freak myself and at the moment I've been off it for 13 days. I went off a for a year but slipped back into bad habits. You will have SO much more energy, clearheadedness and few cravings when you go off sugar. I would try to cut way back on caffeine at the same time. They really help each other, the lack of them. The two together fuel each other. There's a no sugar thread over in the clubs forum. I may stop in there as well. Maybe you'd like to be around people who are getting sugar out of their lives. I'm doing it now basically for Lent, but not a religious thing, really just an excuse to get my eating under control. I must easily pack away over 1,000 calories a day of junk sugar food when I'm on the stuff. I'm a vegetarian but I think this is my downfall. Well, good luck. You can do this so just stick with us. We'll help you stay motivated. Remember, Hostess Honey Buns don't love you. They are NOT your friends!!

02-21-2005, 10:07 AM
Hi, all...How is everyone?

I had the worst weekend. My eating was horrible! I came off a stressful week and it spilled over into my weekend. I was so bad, I didn't even weigh this morning! I was afraid of what I'd see. So, now I feel awful and I have a stomachache to boot!

Work seems better this morning. I sat down with my boss on Friday and we talked some things over. Maybe things will get better now...

Little Grasshopper - Glad you are having fun with your tree trimmer...what exactly is that? Is it hard to use? I have a ton of trees around my house and all of them could use some pruning. The previous owner of my house had a plant fetish. I have found flowers and rocks in the oddest to the house, in the yard, and the the woods. Why would anyone want to plant flowers in the woods? He was a very weird man. I had to repaing the entire house b/c he had it painted in the worst clown colors ever. Lime green in the hall, pink and green in the living room, maroon and green in the bedroom. It was a nightmare!

Good luck with the garden/planting. I say do what you can this year and then expand next year.

Stormy - Don't fret the addiction to at home workout dvds! At least you are moving! And, its good to have something you like and enjoy to exercise to. It makes getting up and doing it a lot easier!

Hope school is going well for you.

NBK - Glad you had such a great time on your vacation. Can't wait to read your write up!

Congrats on your loss, too! Isn't it great to go on vacation, have a great time, and come back to a loss! It doesn't get much better than that!

Red - Sorry you are having such a rough time. What kind of light do you have? I hate it when you go to a store, where you are spending your money, and the people won't work with you on the delivery! Do they not understand you are doing them the favor by spending money at their store! What are you going to do? How are you able to do your proofing without light?

Hate it that you couldn't get to the gym or the stables to see Heidi! Maybe you could look at it as a small break from the routine..maybe a shake-up to keep it from getting stale?

Did you bet at the races? Why do they put fish in their nuts? That's really weird and gross!

Hand in there, girl!

Tae2tas - Welcome. Looks like you are doing well with your weightloss beginning. Hate it about the diabetes! This is a great thread, so you will get lots of support here.

CrimeGirl - Guess you are still studying! Good luck with your exam!!

02-21-2005, 10:18 AM
Good morning!

Tae2tas-Welcome!!! Diabetes prevention is one of my reasons for wanting to lose weight. It runs in my family and I do not want it! Are you on insulin or do you take pills such as glucophage? If you start eating the right things and exercising you will get in under control. We will be here for you to help you lose that weight.

GH-I bet your garden will look weight. Plus, gardening is a great way to burn calories!

Red-Hooray on not eating that sugar, despite the beer! Keep it up and do not forget to hit the gym. Remember our challenge!

Shan-so your eating wasn't perfect this weekend. That is okay, just get back to it this week. You can do it!

NBK-are you crazy! No pics! Who cares what they think of you? You LOVE Scott so you should have got a picture. LOL! Glad that you had fun. Where is your trip report?

Subprin-Good luck with your added cardio. You can do it! It will really help the weight come off faster.

CG-good luck with your exam Tuesday. You are half way there!

Ok I am off to work. I'll check in later!

02-21-2005, 03:42 PM
I want to thank you all for the warm welcome. To answer a few questions, I am presently on Glucophage and Avandament, but my doctor just told me last week I will be soon starting insulin( It downed my spirits at first because I really hate needles :().

Soon after discovering I was diabetic, I lost my job, which caused me to go into depression and become agoraphobic. Diabetes doesn't run in either side of my family, however I have recently found out that I may have a condition to where one of the side effect is diabetes.

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I'm normally the upbeat person inspires and keeps everyone else going. For the past year I am the one who has needed to be inspired; however everyone around me has focused more on how diabetes will kill me rather than looking at how I can live a good quality of life with diabetes :?: .

Now that I have depressed you….Let me tell you the good news…….I am now coming out of my depression. I will soon be going back to work and I have now gained control of my life. In other words the “Happy Me” is back. I now want to be apart of a support group where I can help others and keep myself motivated:grouphug:.

Thanks for listening :D

02-21-2005, 03:59 PM
Tae2tas - I am glad you are taking control of your life! I,too, suffer from depression-have for 12 years. Do you take any medication for it? It's one of the hardest things to overcome. Adding that to being overweight and trying to lose's amazing and a miracle we are still around!

Sorry that everyone around you is focusing on the negative aspects of diabetes as opposed to helping you find the positive. Maybe they are all scared and want the bad things up front and out in the open. You seem to have the right attitude, though!

The best part of this thread/group is that everyone here is great at giving support and even better at asking for it. I am like you, I want to be part of a group that is supportive of me and also not afraid to put themselves out there and ask for my help, too. Together, we can do anything!

Subpremeprincess - Sorry I didn't include you in my previous greeting! I didn't mean to overlook you! I was in a hurry and for some reason thought I had you at the top!

How much snow do you get? It rarely snows here and when it does, the grocery stores run out of everything! Even if the weatherman says there is a one in a billion chance it will snow, everyone rushes out for bread and milk! It's somewhat funny, except those few times it fell on my normal shopping day. That was an experience! People can really panic when they want to!!

Okay. Gotta go. Having terrible trouble with my computer program. It rained like crazy here (all day) and the power was knocked off for just a minute. It was enough to completely screw everything up. The line to our Athens branch keeps going down and we keep losing up link status!

Hope everyone is having a great day.

02-21-2005, 05:02 PM
Good morning. Tuesday here. I'm not feeling well. Feel dragged out and like I'm coming down with something. Damn. The drinking is to blame largely and here again I have to meet up with guys tonight. I really don't want to but already canceled once before and as this is kind of work-related I don't think it would be good to cancel. I will try to not drink although again, this is the whole business drinking culture over here. But, a lot of it is me and just not being able or willing to go easy. But I hate NOT wanting to do something and feeling forced to. I will see it as an important lesson in work, business socializing, i.e. pretending to be enjoying yourself and your company when you're NOT!

Today I can finally get out to see my horse and I'm really wanting to cancel out, I feel that bad. One of my cats is sick. Maybe I have whatever he has. Could be the onset of hay fever too. The pollen is supposed to get really bad this week from the cedar trees outside of Tokyo. So many people suffer from it here in Tokyo. They go around wearing these white face masks all the time.

Yesterday I felt pretty sick, dizzy like. It was scary. Don't know what was up. I can scare myself real good too and that just makes it worse. I really wanted to reach for the comfort of the old familiar sugar and sweets but I didn't. I am trying to think of soothing myself with thoughts and words to myself, trying to stay calm and realize that the food doesn't really comfort me. Words are much better, imagining comforting scenarios not food related. That's what I need to focus on, not some mad rush to stuff junk in my face.


shanberg -- Hi there! Good to hear from you again. I missed you. Wow, sorry to hear you had such a bad weekend and now here you are again back at start with work. Well, let's hope things will be better this week at work. It sounds funny with the flowers everywhere. But flowers in the woods sounds pretty. Even if the previous owner was weird, anyone who loves flowers and plants can't be all that bad, don't you think?! :) But those colors do sound horrible. He obviously was into green. Yes, I'm living in the dark. It's awful but I have had no time to try to find a light let alone think of how I can get it home. This delivery dilemma pisses me off too. Everything revolves around the family situation, housewife sitting at home, husband at work. I guess they just don't think there are single working people who can't be sitting around waiting for a delivery person. It sucks and you're right, I shouldn't give a place my money if they can't accomodate me more. That said, I need a light! Right now I have a broken desk lamp that I have propped on my computer and I cleared enough space that I can do the proofing there but the main room is dark, just a 100 watt lightbulb to light the place. Oh well. At least I had that old light to put up. They're hanging lights from the ceiling, fluorescent, ugly things that every little Japanese room has. But they are bright and that's what I want. shan, little dried up baby fish is a snack here so they mix them in with nuts and seaweed and stuff a lot, dried baby shrimp, octupuses, squid. You eat the whole thing, just like that, head, bones, everything. I think it's gross as I'm vegetarian and even if I weren't would think it was gross but I hear it tastes good. You get used to lots of things when you live in different cultures, different countries, you have to and it's a very good thing to be too, open to other ways of life. But I don't want to eat any meat or fish and especially, like someone at work said, don't want to have my food staring back at me!


. . .to be continued

02-21-2005, 05:31 PM
Hi, Red!

Sorry you are feelilng so bad. Sounds like you have a bug or something. The flu is flying around here in the states like a it over there, too? It could also be your sinuses...which is what made you dizzy. You be really careful, since you are in the dark! The fact that you aren't eating sugar is lowers the immune system and can affect your white blood count!

I hope you find a light soon! If push comes to shove, can they not deliver the light to your workplace? At least someone is there that can sign for it if you aren't.

I like flowers, too, but the other owner had so many, my yard and house was infested with spiders. Now, I like spiders, just not that many. They tend to reproduce at alarming rates. I also had dragonflies, beetles, ants, and all kinds of crawly things. I have managed to weed out a lot of the strange plants and put grass down instead. The whole yard looks much better!

I think that putting fish or meat of anykind in with nuts is really gross. I'm not a vegetarian (spelled wrong!!), but I don't eat a lot of meat. I really don't eat anything with eyes. I can't stand that. And I hate going to Red Lobster when its crowded and you stand around waiting on your table and there are all those lobsters and things in the tank. I get so grossed out! I like other cultures and all, but sometimes even the Romans were weird!

Hope you get to feeling better. I am out the door. Just wanted to drop you a line!

Talk to everyone later!


02-21-2005, 05:46 PM
Thanks for the out-the-door message shanberg. I have a few minutes till I have to get out the door myself. Just trying to catch up here.

stormy -- thanks for the reminder about the gym. Well, I mean, I don't need a reminder. I always am thinking I HAVE to get to the gym and often I just can't because I have too many other things to do but yes, sometimes I can and just don't want to. It's very hard to differentiate between "not wanting to" and "not WILLING to" at times. I used to push the line too much and then get sick. My head tends to be stronger than my heart, which is a very good thing when it comes to discipline but can lead to overtraining, not taking rests, not being gentle with myself. On the other hand, if I don't WANT to I can just as easily get too lazy. Long run, long run, have to think of the long run. So, yes, thank you for reminding me about our Easter challenge. Please keep reminding me. I really need that. How is your day going? How have you been with the eating, the exercise? Keep us informed. :sunny:

. . more later

02-22-2005, 02:39 AM
I have a new light!! Hurrah! It is really bright. Didn't go to the gym because I couldn't take the big box with me, no time, but I had my stuff with me so I'm giving myself a pat on the back. Took a taxi home with the light. I was really worried it wasn't going to be the right hookup but it was and it was so simple to attack to the ceiling. So, I'm happy to longer be in the dark, at least in this way!! ;)

02-22-2005, 02:42 AM

Yes I am on meds.... Zoloft has been the choice med and it was pretty helpful, but I am ready to wing myself off of it. I am not a fan of meds. The have a tendency to hold me back even when they help. I guess I have a problem with feeling dependant, but we will save that for Dr. Phil :lol:

02-22-2005, 02:46 AM
Hi Tae, are you still on? Sorry I haven't gotten back to your last posts but I just got home a bit ago and have to run again. Am trying to get some things done here at home first. Will talk later. If you're still there, hop on and I'll chat now. :wave:

02-22-2005, 03:31 AM

I am here. I'm a night owl so you can always catch me in wee hours :)

02-22-2005, 03:54 AM
Hi Tae, I've got to leave soon so I can't really talk now. How are you doing? How was your day? Ah, I see you're on the West Coast. That's why you're still up. It's going on 5 p .m. here so that means it's midnight there.

02-22-2005, 04:06 AM
So, Tae, I'm really sorry to hear that you have diabetes and may have to take insulin but OK, let's not dwell on the downer part of it. What is IS. You're are really doing the right thing getting on here with us and making moves to get your weight down and eat more healthfully.

You really went through some tough times, didn't you, what, with you learning you have diabetes, suffering from depression and losing your job. Wow! When it goes wrong, it really goes wrong, huh? Well, I went through some really stressful times at the end of last year and I'm still suffering because of it. My legs were going numb so much that I couldn't walk too well. I couldn't run and I had been doing a lot of jogging on the treadmill at the gym and heavy weight training. That's just a hobby of mine. Then I was sitting around a lot. I hate going to doctors and never go so I don't really know what's wrong but I know the stress was horrible. Anyhow, I'm pulling out of that and getting back on track and feeling good about it, though of course I have my down days as you will see if you stick around this thread for any length of time. Like shanberg said, most of us here seem to really know when to ask for support and we give it too but the asking is really important so I hope you will to. :sunny:

Don't think you're going to depress us. Heck, it's you with the problems, not us! :lol: Just kidding. No, but really, I don't know how people get funny about hearing other people's problems, I mean, if that person isn't really in their face like calling them at 2 or 3 in the morning or just going on and on and on ad nauseum without letting the other get a word in sideways. So, don't worry, OK?

And heh, Tae, I want you to take off that "I am such a cow!" from you signature. Now, I LOVE cows but I don't think you're saying that because you love them. Come on, kid, don't be down on yourself because you're fat. And look at you go, by the way, did I see that weight tracker move again?! You've lost more, haven't you? Well, whatever, you've really got to start loving yourself. I know that sounds cliched these days but try it in little steps. And calling yourself a cow is not loving yourself. ;)

Well, I've gotta run. Go drinking with some old men. Well, they're not that old but they're older than me so it makes feel better to say that! :lol: BUT, the older Japanese guys always pay for everything!! Hoo-haah! Too much drinking these days, really! But, it's work-related and this is Tokyo and it's so much a part of the culture. This is definitely NOT the place for alcoholics.

Well, hope to hear from you soon. I can read a message on my phone if it's the first one since I last went on the thread but I can't reply. So, catch you soon. :wave:

Heh, Tae, you just got my 999th post! :cp: That's gotta be a lucky post.

02-22-2005, 05:46 AM

Thanks for the thoughtful words. OMG! :fr:...that cow thing was put on so long ago I completely for got all about it. I had first put it on to stop be from pigging out on sweets and as odd as it sounds it helped, but it never got me down it just reminded me if I didn't stop eating the way I was then, I was going to be the size of one. Although I think the cow is so adorable because he looks as if she is laffin' there will never be a cow as sexy as me......just kidding :D .

Red, tell me more about this leg thing. How are you doing these days? I hope alot better even though the end of the year was just a couple of months ago. I understand about not wanting to go to see the doctor. I feel the same way.

Well I guess I might as well get off this computer go to bed. I hope you drank enough for me too :coffee:

little grasshopper
02-22-2005, 10:06 AM
Hi guys. I always seem to write when there is no one around. Get ready I'm down.

My eating has been horrible and it's directly related to stress. The problem child doctor at work is really at it this time. I mean REALLY AT IT. He's so determined that I don't know a damn thing that unless I stroke his ego all the time and act like I have no opinion at all, he spends his time with shared patients proving me wrong instead of fixing the patient. He is extending the same "I know more than you" attitude to the other doc too and is changing just about everything on the other docs patients, meds, name it. You can't tell me that for 3 years you've needed the same supps and now suddenly you need COMPLETELY different stuff.....all of you - at the same time!!!!! Anyway, he's passive agressive and he's very threatened by me - so he uses every chance he gets to prove I'm stupid or tell clients that are seeing me regularly that they are not getting any better and "can't come back to me until he okays it."

The LAST time he adjusted me I walked in and said "my neck is jammed up again, do you have time to adjust me." He starts with "It's probably not jammed...that's almost impossible to do.....(it's been jammed every single time I've ever been adjusted....putting your head through a windshield lets you do the impossible with some things - oh and MOST PEOPLE ARE JAMMED IN THEIR NECKS!). Anyway, he was so determined I wasn't jammed that he twisted my neck repeatedly, trying to prove it was a normal adjustment that was needed - he actually hurt me. I was getting ready to tell him to STOP when he finally FINALLY checked and sure enough I was jammed. He jerked my head so hard - out of anger and when it adjusted he tapped me on the head and said You're done and walked out. I never let him touch me after that. But now he's treating patients the same way.

He did the same thing to Greg (BF) He had a big wreck on his mountain bike. We thought he'd fractured something in his neck but I wanted him to go there first. I wish I hadn't done that now. He's okay now but he went through months of pain because he was only seeing this doctor - he couldn't see the other one at the time....this doctor kept telling him it was all muscle issues that I hadn't worked out yet. He told him over and over that I wasn't doing MY part to get him well. Thankfully Greg believed me when I'd tell him I still thought he was out of alignment. Finally he got in to see the other doctor - months later - because of a flu issue - the other doctor adjusted his neck and he's had full Range of motion and no pain since. AND I HAVEN'T TOUCHED HIM. It wasn't muscle after all that time. The damn doctor was so determined it wasn't something he missed that he didn't check Greg properly and the guy walked around in pain and I walked around feeling like I sucked at what I do because I couldn't even help HIM and I was working on him daily!

This is all coming out now because the office manager caught wind of it and told the head dr. He knew some of it but not all of it. He's asked me to write it all out - petty stuff and all. He wants all of it. Now that I see it all on paper I swear I don't want to go to work today. I just want to stay home and cry. This guy is hurting people and not treating people because of his own ego. EGO. It's not just the way he's treating me. I can deal with that - the guy is a jerk - okay. But now the way he feels about ME is causing him to treat other people differently and hurt them!!!!

I just want to eat until I can't eat anymore. I want to sit down and cry and get drunk and eat everything my heart wants. I don't even care - I just take the stupid meds when the pain kicks in. Plenty of people take them and are fine with it. And yes. The depression side of it has kicked in too. I'm mad and feel stupid for not seeing that keeping my mouth shut about how he's treating me has let him go further and further - and now he's using his passive agressive stuff on patients. I feel so guilty!! I lose his patients left and right. And it's because they aren't getting better - because he's talking trash about they're bodies....when he puts them on the wrong supps and then won't let them move at all - after I give them stretching exercises...he tells them "oh my god - you could have slipped a disk doing that!" I look stupid and they are scared to come back to me!

I'd like 5 minutes in a dark alley with this guy - I'm sure ONE of my four black belts taught me SOMETHING I could use on the guy.

Guys I'm sorry. I'm pissed and sad, and barely keeping it together right now. I have a client in two hours. I am excited partly though - I am adding stuff and changing the feel of my treatment room. Making it more comfortable and nurturing. Getting more music, a set of windchimes ( they won't ring - they just look relaxing). I'm trying to create that relaxing place I saw when I imagined my office years ago. Less like a doctor's office more like a retreat.

I sure wish someone was here right now. I hope you're all doing well though. Please keep this doctor thing and the meeting I have to have with the two of them in your thoughts. It's a hard thing to have to acuse a doctor of letting his ego get in the way of his medicine. Espeically when that doctor sees you as less than an ant.

02-22-2005, 10:57 AM
Hi, all. Finally made it in to work this morning. There was some kind of accident on the expressway and I was detoured through a lot of back roads. It was extremely foggy this morning. Took forever to get bact to the main road! Plus, I am horrible at directions. Once I left my home area, I was in unknown territory. I just knew I was going to have to call work and have someone come and find me. I know that doesn't sound too bad, since I was somewhere I didn't know well. The thing was, the place isn't that far from where I live! It would've been sooooooo embarassing!!!!

Red - Glad you got a light! And that it was the right one and is bright!!!!

Hang in there with the gym thing. I read in a magazine that you are supposed to take a day off after you do weight let your muscles heal. So, if you go every other day, you are still doing great! And, of course, there is always the walking in place method!!! ;)

How was your drink meeting? What do you drink? I work for a Budweiser distributorship, so I find myself always wondering what others drink! Can you even get Bud over there?

Tae - I take Zoloft, too. I took myself off of it after three years on it and I was doing so good. But, then I had a lot of things happen and ended up back where I was when I started. I decided right then and there I would take it forever if it kept me from going back down the blackhole of depression! Lots of people don't like taking meds for long. They feel like they are lacking in something...control, ability to live their life "normal" or whatever. Me, I just care about being happy and able to live my life. Its only one little helps me, doesn't control me! But, to each their own. Plus, if you need it, you can always go back on it!

Little Grasshopper - I am so sorry about that jerk of a doctor! I can't believe he would be so petty as to sabotage you and harm other patients. Sounds like he needs to go back to medical school and relearn the Hypocratic Oath!!!! He also needs to see a shrink-he is the one lacking and is taking it out on you! I hate that!

You know, it is a good thing nothing else happened to both you and Greg. His lack of action could've lead to something worse than just being jammed and out of line! Does he even understand the concept of malpractice lawsuits???? What a jerk!

Okay, I know you are feeling guilty about your patients and not saying something sooner. But, it is NOT your fault!!!! You have done what you are supposed to. He is the one that is to blame. He is the one doing harm to others in an attempt to hurt you. That is bad for a "normal" person, but for a doctor! Who is supposed to help people! And you are NOT stupid! You kept quiet because you didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing he was getting to you. I woulda done the exact same thing! You were in a no win situation. If you said something, he might've been even worse and really tried to sabotage your career. Not saying anything just goaded him furthur. It read like he was trying his best to cause you to blow up-and used anything he could against you.

My advice, write everything down. DON'T feel guilty about it. He did this to himself. All he had to do was the right thing-he choose not to. That was his choice and he is the one that needs to suffer the consequences. You tried to ignore him, but it sounds like it has gotten to the point where to continue ignoring him and trying to keep peace is dangerous- both for you and the other patients. There comes a time when you have to make the hard decision, when you have to say here is my line, I've drawn it and I won't take anymore. If nothing else, think of it as doing it for your patients. They only have you to stand up for them.

Don't let him get to you so much that you give in to your wanting to eat. That is like another victory for him. You are so much better than him. Anger can be a good thing. Wrap it around you like a coat of arms and use it to keep the binging at bay. I do think you need to treat yourself to something...something you wouldn't normally allow yourself. That might help allieviate the internal need to eat and eat and drink and binge. A small outlet can make a big difference to the overall pressure.

I'm not sure if my rambling has helped you in any way. Just know that you are not alone and you are not at fault. The hardest lesson I ever learned was that there are actually people out there that are evil. Not just in the movies, but in actual, real, everday life! I try to look for the good in people, but sometimes there isn't any good to find! That is hard to accept. You can only do so much. I'll say a prayer for you. Just dig down deep-I'm betting there is strenght in you that you haven't found yet, just waiting to be tapped into.

Good luck!

02-22-2005, 11:30 AM
Grass, hang in there. This is teaching you so much about what you will do later probably with your own practice.
I know that sounds lame but I just had to say that so you wouldn't feel bad about hating it all. It really sucks. This guy is a kook, obviously. Don't worry. The patients will see it. You see, they will already recognize it because you're making the lines of demarcation clearer between him and you.
I can't write much now, but just know I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner as we all are.

But come on!! DON'T EAT! Don't let this guy get to you. If you eat or get drunk BECAUSE of him you're just allowing him to TOUCH you. You said you didn't let him touch you anymore but he is violating you big time! Stop him, Grass. Get back in touch with YOU. Come on, deep breaths, this is not as horrible as it seems to you from the perspective of others, the patients. This is for you to know so that you will never go there yourself.

02-22-2005, 11:42 AM
You know Grass, I was reading your message a bit better. You could probably sue this guy for libel or slander or something like this. Maybe get him in enough trouble that he would lose his license. Just think, maybe your being there will be a godsend to people. that you were there and recognized what he was doing and could do something about it. Don't beat yourself up about having it gone on this long. You probably HAD to do that so that he would continue, keep escalating, think he could do more and more and get away without. The very fact that you didn't say anything has caused him to show his true colors! This was absolutely necessary. It wasn't a bad thing. It was the ONLY way it could have happened in order to bring him out in all his monstrousness! Grass, everything is PERFECT!

02-22-2005, 12:08 PM
Hi everyone. Good morning! Red, good night???

I hope everyone is having a good day or I hope that it will get better soon.

Grass, there are a lot of people out there like this guy. Do not let him get the best of you. You know what you are doing. I once dealt with a nurse practioner just like him. She told my patient that I was not stretching her hard enough. I refused to crank on her b/c her surgical pins were coming loose. The NP told the patient that it wasn't the pins but it was "blood pockets" Well sure enough, I was correct. Now she is going to have to go through another surgery to get it corrected. If I would have done what the NP wanted I would have been in trouble. So go with your heart, you know that you are knowledgable. There will always be people like that doctor in your life just don't let him bring you down. He is not worth eating more or drinking more. Those things will just make you feel worse in the end. I hope and pray that your day goes by better.

To everyone else, I am heading out to work so I do not have time to respond to everyone. I just want everyone to remember that you are all great and that I am very proud of each of you. We can and will lose this weight. Remember to accept no mediocre life and live your best today!

little grasshopper
02-22-2005, 12:12 PM
Red - you made me smile. You have a unique way of thinking - I like it. I am taking those deep breaths.

Shannon and Red too - I have written everything out. Aside from feeling a little petty - I wrote the main topics all the "petty feeling" things fall into. That gave a little more credit to the petty stuff I guess. So see the pattern and it's destination makes it not to petty afterall.

I did go shopping for something small - 20 limit and they had a sell. I bought something cute and sweet for my office and I am going to get a CD of nice music to work to. I can hum the ones I have backwards now :)

I am doing better but this is a hard hard thing. I'll be glad when there is a little more settlement to it. Right now it's just in limbo with me dwelling on everything he's done that has hurt or endangered me, BF and patients. Maybe that's exactly what the other Doctor intended. leave me to think about it so I'll finally tell him everything. Either way , that's exaclty what's going to happen.

Thanks guys. I'll check in later. As for food - I promise to do my best. I'm also going to call my gym and set up 2 training sessions to get me back in there. I need a stress break!

02-22-2005, 05:49 PM
Hello everyone. It's good to hear that we are all attempting to stay on task with our weight loss goals. I think that we all have a tendency to beat up on ourselves. I am trying to concentrate on the things that I'm learning and doing right. So far, I've come up with a short list:
1. Learning how to accept compliments
2. Getting back to proper eating after pigging out
3. Keeping active and not being a couch potato
4. Enjoying the challenge of getting in shape
5. Replacing negative self talk with positive self talk

I am sure that we all should be able to think of at least 5 things that are really positive about your diet/fitness program. It is snowing AGAIN on top of the six inches that fell the other day. I think one day I would like to live somewhere like Hawaii...I digress from the subject at hand though. Maybe we could all contribute 5 positive things about our weight loss experience that we could print out and hang on our refrigerator. I love the little things that people do that lead to success. I'm sure most of us have made small changes in order to lose weight. I wasn't really aware that I wasn't focusing on the positive until my mother complimented me the other day. She told me that I was doing a good job maintaining my weight loss. I was only concentrating on how much more I had to go, and not looking at my accomplishments so far. Has anyone else experienced a moment like this? I look forward to reading your posts everyday, I find all of you to be a great inspiration. Take care!

Red - I hope that you feel better. I love horses and I am considering a move to Kentucky!

Shan- Look forward to all the opportunities that you will have to eat properly exercise

NBK - You are so lucky to have met Scott Weiland and Slash...I probably would have broken social protocol to get a picture

Crimegirl- I hope that you plan to enjoy your summer, I know that you are studying hard

Tae2tas - A warm welcome to you. A healthy diet and exercise will keep your diabetes in check, and the more weight you lose you will more than likely see your blood sugar drop and you may not need to continue insulin shots. Have faith and hope

Stormy- Hang in there! I like your optimism : )

LGH- How lucky you are to be able to garden already! Some of us are still buried in snow. Have you thought about using the dead leaves and stuff on your property to make a compost pile? You will save yourself a ton of money in the long run and help out the environment!

02-22-2005, 06:23 PM
Grass, I'm just up. Uh,oh, there's that "unique" word again regarding my comments. Hope I didn't say anything too strange. I get that a lot and I'm a bit worried how to take it. You did say you liked it so I guess I'm OK, right grass? So, how are you doing? It'd be after 5 p.m. by you. What time do you leave the office? I'm hoping you were able to calm down a bit, not because it's not good to rant or get upset, NO, because you need to be cool-headed to really do battle with this guy, and I think that's what you need and want to do. How goes it?

little grasshopper
02-22-2005, 07:58 PM
Red - yes, you're okay! You're great. I have just never considered looking at what he was doing as perfect but you're right - he's hanging himself with the rope I gave him. :) I think I gave him a bit too much though - he's trapping other people in his rope.

I talked to the head doc today. From now on I don't refer anyone to the other doc and I don't have to consult him at all if I find anything going on with one of his patients. I take it to the head doctor from now on. And he's going to recheck all the patients that the doc dismissed because I thought there was something wrong - he said he values my observation skills enough to feel that if I think it's something other than muscle, it should at least be checked...not dismissed. that made me feel much better about the whole thing. He also told me he'd get rid of the doctor before he'd lose me. You can't imagine how much that helped!

So we talk with him about communication and all that stuff later this week. It will be rough talk because he falls under the "don't argue with an idiot - they'll just pull you down and beat at their own game...." catagory. But we're going ot give it an honest try.

okay, tomorrow is a new day - I'm going to do my best to be good tomorrow!!!

02-22-2005, 08:11 PM
OK, grasshopper, glad to hear that! :lol: But again, you didn't go too far. Him trapping other people is what was no doubt necessary to make people wake up to what he was doing. Unfortunately, if you're the only yelling "foul!" you're still likely to be ignored because the head guy still thinks it's something personal between you too. But when others are involved, he, if he has any brains, is going to get a bit worried. I mean, there are such things as malpractice suits, right? It's in HIS interests to check this out, whereas if Mr. Moron is just bothering you it doesn't seem so dangerous. This is really, really perfect and since I take it no one was seriously injured it's not that bad. It's a shame and all that but it could have been SOO much worse and it's getting a stop put to it so man, grass, you're a savior! :cp:

02-22-2005, 09:14 PM
Ok, back again, trying to get caught up with the others. Purple haze, all around, don't know if I'm going up or down. Hmm. just listening to Hendrix here as I recover from last night. No, really, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was quite boring and I was drinking slowly and only had a few beers. Interesting enough as we went to the kind of places I would never go on my own with friends, clublike places for the older Japanese man, usually with money. I don't like these places but accompanying guys to them has given me insights into the culture that most women don't get. These aren't risque places, just clubs and hostess clubs and such. Anyhow, there were chocolate-covered sticks on the counter in the second place we went to and I didn't touch them! Hurrah! Chock one up for resolve! AND, there were these deep-fried potato croquettes that I didn't eat either. They are also on my Lent list of things to give up. I did stop into the convenience store afterward on the way home, and that was always a cue to sugar pig, with the beer in me and all but last night again, nope! just other stuff, rice crackers and bread pieces and a stick of cheese. I was hungry.

OK, so obligatory drinking dates are over and I'm staying away from the beer now for a while! Ugh. I want to get back to the gym and see a loss again. Heh, guys, didn't I tell you that my pants fit better the other day? And I posted a loss for the first time in weeks on Sunday! Hurrah, hurrah. Heh, by the way, should we start a new thread or wait for Crime Girl to come up for air? Crime girl, are we with us?!!? Hoping your test goes ok, One more day, right? It's already Wednesday here and I'm thinking of you. Good luck. You'll ace it I'm sure.


Tae -- Hurrah! :cp: I see the cow is a happy cow now. Yes, no longer are you a cow. I laughed when I saw you'd changed it! :cb: I'm glad it never got you down but do be careful. You can say you like cows and such but somewhere down there is probably a touch of self-flagellation, which may not actually be bad if it's just meant to get your cracking the whip toward a goal you want to meet. But if there is any bit of feeling of self-degradation then I think it's no good. I mean, there's nothing wrong with you to be fat. Ok, health reasons aside and the fact that you give the drooling masses a chance to make fun of you, discriminate you, put you down, is not a good thing to be doing to yourself, but I think the vast majority of people who are fat have more things RIGHT with them and that's why they turn to food. I mean, they're not turning to heroin, murder or turning AK-7s on people, right?! Really, eating and overeating is still a very healthy way to deal with things until you find a way to deal with them that doesn't hurt others AND YOU! Most fat people are beautiful people, where it matters! inside, their minds, their hearts, their spirits, their BEINGS. If you strive to preserve that YOU and lose weight you will only be enhancing your beauty. Don't ever think of yourself as ugly, even if you eat your way past 400 lbs. Ok?

So, the leg thing, Tae, I think it was and is mostly nerves and poor circulation. It started out as my having pain in my legs so much that it hurt to walk and ride (horses). Then the legs were numbing up and it was hard to move them. This was why I gained weight, because I couldn't exercise as much as I was used to. But I think the exercise was also too much. I was so angry at work, so frustrated, so tense. I sometimes would sit there and feel the electricity just running through my legs whenever I thought of something that bothered me which was ALL the time. I was then so pissed off but determined to work out that I would pump myself full of coffee, then go to the gym and work out like a demon. And I really throw myself into the weight. I used to do powerlifting and we're talking heavy! It really gets the adrenalin pumping and feels good but, eventually, I think the combination was just too much. My adrenal glands must have been in the toilet and my body rebelled. My legs are better now. I thank God was cut off from that situation at work and though things are still horrible financially I am fighting my way on my terms. The pain is gone riding. I can feel my legs again, they were totally numb and though there is still some feeling of numbness it is nothing like it was. I am trying to keep moving more than before, do not sit on the floor working as much and being sugar-free is helping too I think because I'm overall calmer, without all the anger with no where to go.

shanberg -- glad you found your way today! Fog is cool but can be very bewildering. Familiar things are no longer recognizable so it was nothing potentially embarassing really. Glad you're ok. Yup, the light is great, almost too bright but I don't care. I knew it was going to be really bright. I need that to get up in the mornings. Usually it's way before dawn when I get up but even if it's bright outside it's dark in my room, so I want a light to wake me up and go, it's a new day, up and at 'em!! Oh, I've taken off way too much time from the gym, but I did ride yesterday. Anyhow, the drinking is behind me and I feel better illness-wise so I'm going to try to do a bit more today.

As for drinking, don't really want to think about it now, these days I tend to just stick with beer and it's usually Japanese beer, whatever the bar serves. They will only serve one type usually here and that's the distributor for the place but if I have a choice I like the fuller beers such as Sapporo Black Label or Yebisu, which is also Sapporo. Bud is much too light for me. I learned beer drinking in Munich, you must realize and there the beer is very full-bodied. I don't like ale, but can stand pale ale. Usually lager is what I like. If I go to an Irish pub here they tend to only have pale ales like Kilkenny and I can drink that though I don't like it. I can't drink Guiness. I think someplaces might have Budweiser here but maybe not. I don't think it would be popular because it's very light and would not be competitive pricewise with the other light beers here and there are tons of them now. They are called "happoshu" or "sparkling hops" because they're not allowed to call it beer. Because of the reduced something, I think hops, they have found a loophole in the beer tax and so can sell it for much cheaper. It's too light for me so I don't drink it but a lot of people don't mind, just as long as they can get drunk on it and the alcohol content is the same. So, anyhow, Bud would be probably be too costly.

stormy -- good to hear from you. Thanks for your encouragement and words of support. I almost made it to the gym yesterday because of you but wasn't able to because i had to get that light home but I'm going to try again today. :flow1:

subprin -- I like your list, especially No. 4, "enjoying the challenge." Mindset is so important. If we look at exercise and eating well as a chore or something we HAVE to do we're more likely to feel burdened by it. If we look at it as a game, a challenge, something to put our thinking caps on about I think it can make it much more interesting, thus something we can stick to. You're very right about looking at your accomplishments and maintaining is an ongoing victory. It is ALSO about weight loss because keeping your weight from increasing still is about DOING. It's not ever a pause, is it? That's why it's so hard. It's not like money in the bank. It's more like juggling, where you just get better and better at it, but you STILL need to keep all the balls going.

So, you're a horse lover too! Allright! Do you ride? Where are you now in the States? You're in the Midwest, right?


Ok, wow, is it late here and it's a gorgeous day out there! I want to get out and enjoy it! Ciao for now!

NBK, kjk, Jacque, CG, anyone else, come in and chat. We miss you! :wave:

02-23-2005, 06:16 AM
Oh, guys, I just got home and found one of my cats dead at the door. I opened the door and when I put my foot up on the step to go in in the dark I hit something. I could just make it out in the dark and I knew it was him, the biggest one. He had been sick and I wanted to take him to the vet if he didn't look better when I got home. He had seemed better this morning. There was blood all over the room. It must have been horrible. It looks like something ruptured inside him. It's so horrible. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for him when he died but it would have been awful. I just feel awful, am sitting here crying. The poor guy, that's the way I found him a few years ago, after a car accident and he miraculously survived after I took him to the vet and he gave him intravenous for two weeks. He was so big and strong it seemed. I never thought he was sick. I don't know what it was. Ah, it was such a shock. Two animals I cared for in one month now have died, that dog and now Tetchan. I just finished cleaning up all the blood. It was everywhere. I wrapped him in a towel and put him in a box but I don't know where I can bury him and I hate to just throw him in the garbage. He's rock hard and the blood wasn't all dry. It must have happened just a couple hours ago. Oh, it's too sad. :cry: I'm kind of in shock, well, just crying. He was such a good cat but I couldn't let him near me like in my bed like the others and I always felt bad about that. He was constantly blowing snot all around and smelled bad, probably from his gums. I would hold him when I was dirty and about to get in the shower and wash all my clothes anyhow. I always felt bad about that but I always tried to pat him and scratch him. It's just too sad. Really, I was just over that dog that died from starvation and exposure. Ah, damn, this is some way to end a day.too sad.

little grasshopper
02-23-2005, 08:33 AM
Red, I'm so sorry about Tetchan!! It sounds like he had a wonderful home though and you CAN be proud of that! That had to be a terrible end to your day, to lose something you loved and cared for so much. I'm really sorry. Cry all you want.

On another front - you're doing so well. Your pants are fitting better (so cool!!!!) and you're hitting that gym and cutting out bad're taking on huge challenges and I'm really impressed and proud of you!!! I just wanted to make sure you know that!

everyone - I'm sorry I haven't addressed you personally, I got caught up in my own stuff and couldn't comment on anyone elses posts. I will read and catch up tonight.

Talk to everyone soon!! I'm fresh and haven't ruined my diet yet today so I'm going to have a good breakfast and start off again. Better footing this time around. Talk to you all later today.

I have an energy appointment today - my hour, not a client. I'm so excited about it. She always does a good job at grounding me.

Crime girl
02-23-2005, 09:55 AM
Hi everyone-
I am finally finished with my exam and I will know next week my results. The reason it is such a big deal is that I am retaking a class for my masters. It is a class in criminological theory that I took my first semester in the department after getting a BA in Accounting. Advanced theory is not a good place for someone with no background in criminology. Anyway- basically I need to pass this class to graduate and if I don't pass it I can not take it again. In my program we get 2 tries and that is it. SO- if I pass the class I graduate and if I fail the class I don't get my masters. Anyway- just wanted you guys to know why I have been gone. I studied for HOURS for the midterm but won't know anything until next Tuesday.

I can't comment to everyone just yet- I have to go to work this morning and I am already running late. Just want to say:

Red- I have to respond to your post. I am so sorry about Tetchan! :cry: That is a horrible thing to have to come home to. I know it is hard but you need to remember that you gave him a life when everyone else had turned their back on him. He didn't care if you only hugged him and petted him when you were ready for a shower. He only saw that you took time to pet him. Don't be hard on yourself! You helped him and cared for him- and I am betting he knew that.
What to do now? Check with his vet and see if they can help with his burial or cremate him for you. Once again- I am so sorry. Wish there was something I could do.

grasshopper- also wanted to say that I am sorry you are having such a struggle at work. That guy sounds like a class A jerk! I am glad that you are going to have an opportunity to let your boss know what is going on. It sounds like the bad doc is jealous of you and is trying to tear you down to make himself look better. I hope he gets his just desserts! Let us know how it works out and write down EVERYTHING! Don't feel guilty and don't hold back. You need to do everything you can to help this place get rid of him and if they are asking you to write everything down they obviously trust your account of things and not his. Hang in there!

Also- welcome to the newbies! Supreme and Tae- welcome!! Sorry I wasn't here to say that when you first came on. (Although I think I may have for supreme but havent had a chance to really talk to you). Anyway- we are happy to have you! :D

Alright- I really need to go. I will try to catch up tonight with everyone else. I have missed talking to you all. Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

02-23-2005, 10:09 AM
Red, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can just cry reading what happened. I think that losing an animal is like losing a family member. When I lost my last animal I cried for months. He will always be in your memory. Try to remember the good! You were so awesome to rescue him. You gave him another chance. Please let us know if you need anything.

02-23-2005, 11:29 AM
Morning, all. Hope everyone is having a great day.

Red - I am soooo sorry about your cat! I know what you are going almost killed me when I had to put my dog down last year! Go ahead and will do you good to mourn for him. You were so sweet to save him like you did. You gave him a home, love and attention when no one else did (or probably would have!). You made the time he had on this earth happy and warm. You will always carry him in your heart and have the memories of the time you spent with him!

Little Grasshopper - Glad you are taking a positive outlook on your situation with (what did Red call him?) Mr. Moron!! Sounds like you have a good plan in action. I am glad the head doc realizes what an asset you are to the practice! I know that had to make you feel great when he told you he'd lose Mr. Moron before you! Glad you also didn't let him goad you into a binge!

What's an energy appointment? Is that like a massage? Hope it goes well and helps get you back into your groove!

Subprin - I liked your list. I love lists of any kind. I make them for everything! They help keep me focused and organized!

Stormy - What's up? How's life treating ya! You seem so busy, how do you have time to get everything accomplished??? Do you ever get a chance to just rest, relax, and breath???? All I can say is you go girl!!!

NBK - Still working on your dissertation of your trip?? Give lots of details! It's probably the only way I will ever get to go there!!! Hope all is well with ya!!

Crime Girl - Welcome Back! You were truly missed! Criminalogical Theory, huh? I remember taking Sociological Theory! Man, was that hard. By that time, all the theories had been discovered, so other sociologists had begun to expand current theories. It was so hard to keep them all straight! I am sure you did great! The waiting is almost as bad as the pre-test stress! Good luck!

Will check back in later.


02-23-2005, 05:39 PM
hi guys sorry no trip report but my food poisoning made me go to hospital to get some anti nausea drugs and then they got worried about my stomach pains and prodded me and of course it hurts when they prod you that hard..long story short on tuesday i had an bad appendix but my lymph nodes on my bowel were enlarged hence the am on my mum's laptop,she's comeup to look after me along with bf..who despite hospitals mking him physically ill stayed with me the whole time, they even out my bed in the lounge in my ward at night so he could sleep next to me. anyway pain killers are losing effect so gotta go. catch you all later..he he i suppose now i count as having weight loss surgery??

02-23-2005, 05:49 PM
NBK - Sorry you got food poisoning! I got that once (a very mild case) from the McDonalds that was in the Wal-Mart I worked at! It hurt like crazy!!!

Glad you are doing better. Will you have to stay in the hospital long? That was really sweet of your BF to stay with you! Talk about love!!!

Try to get some rest! :balloons:

02-23-2005, 09:25 PM
Shan, is that Van Diesal? To answer your question, I do take relax. You have to relax in order to be productive. Exercise is auctually part of my me time. It is very stress relieving for me. I also hike, scuba dive, go to sporting events, etc to relax.

NBK, sorry about the food poisioning. I hope you get better soon. You probably will lose weight after the surgery. It is not the healthiest way to lose but hey a girl has to do what a girl has to do. Just kidding!

Subpreme-You are pretty optismistic as well. It is the only way to get anything done! I love your list. I have to do the same in order to focus on my task at hand. It is a great way to get reminding yourself.

Little GH, was you work day better?

CG-okay you are none with your test, now where are you? Nah, just kidding. Believe me, I know how it is!

Red, how are you? Are you holding up? I'm thinking of you.

02-24-2005, 06:37 AM
Thank you everyone for your warm words. I'm feeling much better now. Just lonely without Tetchan (or Tiger as I called him). He was so sweet, always tried to be so good. I feel bad, thinking I should have known something was wrong with him, should have had him checked, gotten all the shots. It's just that it costs so much. He seemed OK, but if it was parasites I wouldn't know. He was so big I thought he was OK. I guess there are other things that don't eat the food. O, I got through the day but was afraid to come home knowing I would just be missing him so much. But I'll get it over it soon enough. It's certainly not the first time. At least I have the other three. But he was special. There was something very different about him. Anyhow, I just miss him. I'll try to write again soon. Thanks again all of you for writing, taking the time out to write for me. It means a lot and of course it makes me cry all the more. . . I was able to bury him outside my room. I've buried two cats and a dog but none right here. He's the first, except for the mice, birds and such that the cats would bring home.

NBK, hope you're feeling better.

02-24-2005, 10:48 AM
How is everyone?

Stormy - Yep, that is Vin Diesel. I have a slight (huge) crush. I wanted one with his shirt off, but couldn't find one!! Dang it!!

Glad you have figured out a way to relax and have you time! I still am amazed at all you do! Without going insane and buying a gun!!!

Red - Glad you are doing okay. I know it is hard, but try not to blame yourself. (Not to make you cry, but) Last year, my dog started having trouble walking. I thought it was just a side effect of a dog fight he had been in when a neighbors dog came into the yard and grabbed him by the neck. I kept trying to change his diet, thinking if he lost some weight it might help. Then, it got to where he couldn't even walk up and down the stairs of the porch. Two days later, he couldn't even get up. I made an appointment with the vet, but it snowed, so I had to wait. They said if he got worse, to bring him in and they would work him in. My dad had to carry him to the truck. When we got to the vet, they had to take him on a gurney. They did some blood tests and found out he had canine diabetes. DIABETES!! I didn't even know a dog could get that! They said he was so far gone that his liver had serious damage. They did say they might could treat him, but it would be very long, he'd have to stay there (which he hated) and it might not do any good. I choose to put him down. He was the best dog! The whole time he kept looking at me with those chocolate eyes of his, completely trusting I would take care of him. I stayed with him until the very end. My mom came and finally made me leave. It was the hardest thing I ever did! I felt like I killed him because I didn't do something sooner. Honestly, I had no idea he was so sick. And it happened so fast! He was fine one week and then practically immobile the next. It took a long time for me to stop blaming myself and feeling so horribly guilty! I still miss him-sometimes so bad it hurts and I break down and cry! But, I remember all the fun I had with him and how much happiness he brought to so many people, and I smile and go on. It will take time, but you will eventually be able to think of Tiger and smile.

Did I make you cry? Sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I have been where you are. The guilt and selfcrimination. Constantly thinking if I had just done this or that. And why didn't I??? It wasn't your fault. I know it feels like it, but you loved him and cared for him, and that is what mattered most.

Okay, I think I've dpressed everyone enough for a while! Will check back in later!


02-24-2005, 11:21 AM
Hello everyone, I hope that all is going well. Today is my long day at work, so I will keep this post short. It snowed again yesterday:( Red, I am sorry about your cat. When my cat died I cried till my eyes were swollen shut. If you have time you should go out and see your horse and go for a ride. I have to go now, but I will check in later to see how everyone is doing. Have a great day!

Crime girl
02-24-2005, 04:26 PM
Hi all-
Just wanted to get on so I keep a presence here- feel bad I haven't been around for everyone. On top of having no luck staying on a diet- I also have manic depression and ocassionally it kicks up and I can't help but be depressed for awhile until it passes again. I take meds but that does not always work and I get so depressed I try to not pull anyone into it with me so I isolate myself. That is what is going on this week.
I will try to get on some and talk but please forgive me if it is brief or if I leave anyone out. Trying my best to keep it together.

Red- Once again I am sorry about Tiger. I know it is hard for you to adjust but I am hoping before long it will be the good times you will focus on with him. I know the adjustment is hard without him but everyday it will get a little easier. I think (like someone else said already) that you should try to go see your horse and of course try to cuddle and love on your other cats for comfort. That should help some- and you can always come on here and talk. I hope you are not trying to blame yourself because you did nothing but make Tiger's life better. I am sure he loved you for it!

subprem- Sorry your snow is causing you so much stress- I will trade with you though. Florida is only one tempature all the time- hot! I am jealous of your snow. Make a snow angel for me would you?

NBK-Get better soon girl! We miss you.

shanberg- No more sad stories from you! Crying and posting do not mix well together. I know what you mean though- had a similar experience with a cat I had for 18 years although it was old age not diabetes. It about killed me. Pets are such a blessing even though we outlive them - my dog Charlie is like a big furry warm stress reliever. Where else can you get unconditional love and nonjudgement? Anyway- I am sorry you had to go through that.

little grass- where are you? What ever happened with the doc from hades? Did I miss it?? Hope you are okay and not too stressed out!

Stormy- how is school going? Are you hanging in there?

tae- how about you- how is it going?

Okay well- I better go. Hope you all are well and thanks for understanding my absence on the board. I should be back full swing in a few days and will change the thread Sunday.
Have a good day everyone!

02-24-2005, 04:30 PM
Hi guys, shan, sub, Crime girl, thanks again for your warm words. Like I've said (or hope I have) they mean so much to me. I'm feeling quite bad this morning, like I have a cold. It's raining out. I had planned to get to the gym. Will see. Just wanted to say Hi as I saw you just posted, CG.

02-24-2005, 04:50 PM
Was just sitting here, waiting for time to tick by so I can go home and thought I'd drop a line or two! Nothing very specific, just felt like talking a spell.

I have come to the conclusion that dieting is a roller coaster ride from ****!! It is such a constant up and down, round and round, through the loop and back again experience! Only, without the great feeling of fun and happiness one experiences on a real roller coaster. Some times, I get so sick of the entire process. I feel like I am running uphill in a flood. Getting nowhere and gaining speed. Sorry, just feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment with the whole weight-loss issue.

The worst part is that some weeks I do so good! I eat great, exercise, feel wonderful! And then, other weeks I do horrible. I just wish I could get on a roll and stick to one or the other. I think it would be so much easier.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent!

************************************************** ********

Red - Glad you are hanging in there over Tiger! Sorry you have a cold, though! Those are the worst! You feel so yucky! Drink lots of liquids and get plenty of rest!

Crime Girl - Hear you on the depression! Sometimes the wave is so hard it's almost impossible to ride out (at least, it feels that way!). Do you have episodes frequently? Or, do they just pop up unexpectedly? That is how it is for me. I think everything is going well, and then BAMB..depression big time! Just take it minute by minute until it passes!

02-24-2005, 05:15 PM
Heh shanberg, just saw your post. I should be getting ready to leave for the gym. Just realized the rain outside was snow! There's tons of it on the ground. Unusual for Tokyo. It has turned to rain now but walking will be very difficult. Think I may forget the gym. Still have time to go though so I may. Anyhow, what triggered this feeling of roller-coaster? Did you weigh yourself, have a little binge? I know just how you feel. Sometimes I get in an awful low about the whole thing, get so angry, so exasperated, but this is life, and that's what weight loss is, it's not really about just losing, I mean, this is why it's so hard. It's never a done deal, it's an onging thing, like learning to be an acrobatic, a gymnast, it's about perfecting the moves. Think of it, we're like up there flipping around on the uneven parallel bars, spinning on the rings, balancing on the beam. Sometimes we have a crash, but what do those Olympic athletes do when they fall off? They get back on! It's the only thing. It's NOT like quitting smoking. It's nothing at all so simple. Now, I know that can sound overwhelming but you don't go flipping around doing in-the-air somersaults from the beginning. You start by trying to stand on one leg for a bit, or easing into a backbend just kind of arching your back and that's it! You get better at this whole thing bit by bit, slowly, ever so slowly and so that one day you'll see how far you've come, not so much about your weight or any number on the scale, but about making better choices THROUGHOUT the day over and over again and making exercise kind of just a thing you do. You'll get there someday. But for now, just take it easy. Think of yourself on a balance beam that is resting on the ground. I think maybe you're trying to be TOO good, trying to do the advanced moves and then you trip up or feel it's too much, and then swing the other way. Take it down a few notches. OK, hope you feel better. You are SO not alone in this, Shannon. Here's a hug. Show me a smile. :)

02-25-2005, 10:06 AM
Hi, Red.

Thanks for your words. They were very helpful.

As for what triggered it, no idea. I didn't weigh myself or binge. As a matter of fact, I was sitting here, eating an apple. It just sorta hit me. I didn't really want the apple, it wasn't that good...why was I eating it. Oh, yeah, trying to eat healthier, lose weight, follow the pyramid...yadda, yadda, yadda. I guess I had just had enough at that one point.

Am I trying too hard? Maybe. I have to, though. I can't go half way. For me, its all or nothing. If I don't keep my mind on it at all times, I lose focus and end up eating horrible. Then, all my efforts end up being in vain and I gain. I am sure everyone here knows exactly what I am talking about. You tell yourself you are just going to take a small break for this one meal, this one instance. Next thing you know, its a week later and you have ate out everyday, made terrible food choices, not exercised, and the only water you swallowed was in the shower.

On top of everything else, I am under a small amount of stress at the moment. It's not a lot, compared to some, but for me, it's like an avalanche. So, all in all, I am just stressed, tired, and extremely disallusioned at the moment. I will pull out of it.

02-25-2005, 12:16 PM
Hi everyone!

Well this is usually the time of year that people start breaking their resolutions and getting discouraged. Everyone hang in there!

CG-when you are depressed or need to talk come on in. We will be here! Do you have a countdown of how many days of school you have left?

Shan-it happens to all of us. Eating right is a roller coaster. You are doing fine. You can do it! Do you allow yourself one day to eat what you want to eat? If not, maybe you should so you do not feel so deprived.

How is everyone else doing?

I am doing fine. I have today off and I have major school work today. Plus, I have to run errands. I am a little disappointed. I weighed myself today and I have not lost anything in over two weeks. Oh well. I will keep moving and keep eating as well as I can. I can and will do this!!!

I hope everyone has an excellent day!

02-25-2005, 01:46 PM
Hi, Stormy.

I liked your opening line! And how true it is!!

I do give myself a free day. Plus, I don't really restrict myself all that much. I set a limit on the number of calories I allow myself each day and then eat to that total. I can eat what I want, as long as I count the calories (kinda like Weight Watchers, but using calories instead of points). I do really good on this. It is just lately I find myself wanting to eat the bad stuff--cookies, cupcakes. I rarely indulge in those things b/c they are so high in calories and I can save those and go eat with a friend instead.

I am feeling a lot better today, though. I am not giving up, that is for sure. I have come too far to stop now! Plus, I am really, really close to a mini goal that will get me a free hair cut!

Thansk for the support!

Have a great day.

02-25-2005, 02:25 PM
Hello everyone, I hope that things are going okay. I know that you all are really busy. My son is sick with his third ear infection in four months, so I am taking him to the ENT in two weeks to see about getting tubes put in. I have just been feeling really blah, and by the way it is snowing again :( I guess that I can be thankful that I don't live in the upper pennisula as they get something like 84 inches of snow that doesn't start melting until April or so. I am trying to get motivated to do my walking program today. I have really nice co-workers that do Walk Away the Pounds at work Monday through Thursday. I have been exercising a lot this week, but I have managed to eat some junk food too...I guess it balances out :) Have a great day and I will check in with all of you soon.

Red- I am so sorry to hear about Tetchan...losing a pet is like losing a family member. My dog died Christmas time '03 after I had had her for fifteen years. She was best friends with my cat who still misses her.

CG- You are so close to finishing and you are going to graduate. I have faith in you!

Shan - I am glad to hear that you give yourself a cheat day! My favorite cheat food is Taco sick is that?

NBK- I wish you a speedy recovery, and I hope that you feel better soon.

LGH- Are things going okay for you?

Tae- How are you doing?

Stormy- How right you are...but we're all still hanging in there!

02-25-2005, 07:02 PM
Good morning. Quick post here I'm afraid. Too little time, too much to do.

shanberg -- Ok, so nothing really set you off, not outwardly perhaps, but maybe getting a line on this kind of thing that just "hits you" is where your real problem lies. You sound a lot like me. Like there's something inside us, some scenario that we start to play in order to make our life the way we've subconsciously decided it's going to be, the way it IS, as if this is some kind of absolute set in stone. It's NOT. It's us, doing this, this sabotage, probably linked way back to something we wrote as toddlers. We've got to change that. I do it with relationships. I used to think I did it once I got into a relationship but now I'm seeing I do it way before, with my choice of a guy I'm going to HAVE to be unhappy with. Later, my finding fault with him is not as if I didn't know he was a certain way. I think subconsciously I was aware he was a certain way all the time and that's why I choose to obsess over him, so THAT I can find fault with him later, end the relationship and go, "See! Another loser." I probably knew he was a loser all along. Sounds weird, but there is probably something back there in the darkest corners of my mind (you see, my father was right! I am a squarehead!) that has me saying, you can't have it all. You can't have the things you want in a guy who isn't a loser. I've got to change that and say, "To **** I can't!! I most certainly can and will!!" Ok, you're probably wondering what all this has to do with you. Well, I think that with the eating we are doing something of the same thing. And is it strange?! I don't think so. I've never had the body I wanted, well maybe, when I was 8 years old, but so many other things came along and since puberty I guess I haven't. So maybe somewhere I'm thinking I CAN'T ever have it or I can't ever be happy with it. So, when things are going right, I have to start sabotaging myself, if not with food, then with thoughts, like you're doing, asking why you're eating an apple when you don't like it. Well, answer that question! Don't just let it hang there and allow some sneak to come in and answer it. You have to answer. "I'm eating it because this is what is good for me. Of course I don't like it. I'm all screwed up when it comes to eating. I've been thinking all these sweets and junk food are what I like and what comforts me but I've been wrong and until I learn that I'm going to just do a bit of what I don't like!!" Do you want to be fat? No! You can honestly say that. How did you get there? You know. What will get you away from there? You know. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard. You're going to feel deprived. You're going to want to cry for your candy. Make the choice! You're not a baby. You can do this shan! You are a strong woman, a powerful woman, a sensitive and caring woman. Take up the reins and show the world what you are made of!

Heh, and I can say this. I just got on the scale, and am up about 3 lbs even though I have been so good with no sugar, no nuts, getting to the gym, damn! but I'm going to have keep at it, crack the whip a bit more. If I have to cry then I'll cry but giving in to the food is just so nothing. Anybody can do that. Anybody at all. And I'm NOT just anybody. Neither are you. We are much, much more. Giving in gives me nothing back, nothing substantial. It's a bauble for a penny. What do you get when you give a lot, lot more. You get diamonds. Baubles don't satisfy, certainly not past the first couple bites. Diamonds, well, they're different.

And look, nothing is "in vain." It's only in vain if you don't have any thoughts about it, if you binge, don't exercise, don't drink water and then just zone out, like some airhead. If you can come here and think about all that as NOT what you want to be doing then you are still way ahead of the game. The goal is not the number on the scale. It's eating right and you know what that means. Maybe you'll never enjoy an apple but you'll eat it anyhow. It's about discipline and discipline is temporarily disassociating yourself from certain emotions, certain indulgences and doing what you've set out to do in spite of them. You will experience things you will never have been able to had you not done this. Do you know what it feels like to say, "I lost 100 friggin pounds! It was a **** of a lot of work and took incredible discipline but I did it. You bet." ???? Well, you WILL. That feeling is like NOTHING you will ever experience while eating a cupcake, like NOTHING you will ever experience if you don't press on with your journey now. Keep on keeping on, Shannon!


Well, I got carried away there again. Sorry, others, Stormy, you too, I haven't lost weight, you haven't lost weight. We're not going to be part of those New Year's resolution losers though, are we? We are going to be winning losers -- WHATEVER it takes! Right?! Easter challenge. Easter bunny. If I can't weigh in a kilo lighter when that rabbit comes around I'm going to skin it alive . . and feed it to my cats. And you know I'd never do that. . so you know what choice that leaves me!

subpremeprincess -- thank you so much for your warm words too. Missing Tetchan still makes me cry. I guess it will always. But I'm kicking on. Good for you for being so good with the exercise. Ok, some junk food. No big deal. It more than balances out even if the scale doesn't show it. This is all about lifestyle changes, about revamping US! I hope your son gets better soon. For you to be exercising despite all this stress is really really commendable. Keep it up kid! :sunny:

Crime girl, grasshopper, NBK, kjk, Jacque, where are you all? I guess I wasn't there much for you this week but your posts and kind words meant so much. I am better now and can connect again. Come in and chat. I'll be looking for you!

02-26-2005, 11:36 AM
Red, I am still up for the challenge. Today is my cheat day. Tonight we are going out to eat with some friends at the Old Spaghetti Factory and then going to an arena football game. Pasta is a weakness of mine so I am looking forward to it. However, I almost feel guilty doing it since I have not dropped anything in a while. My husband said that he thinks I am losing inches so that made me feel a little better. Our nine year anniversary is in May and we are going on a diving trip to Mexico. This means wearing a wetsuit. For those who have not worn a wet suit, I feel like it is almost like being naked. Yes, you are fully covered and yes mine is black, which is supposed to be a "slimming" color, right? Well I think that weight suits show fat rolls and there is no covering up any sags, droops, etc. So now I am really wanting to lose weight before May 12 which is the day we leave. So besides my Easter goal, I now have 11 weeks to lose 20 pounds. This is reasonable if I lose 2 pounds a week. However, I think I hit a plateau. I was losing 2 pounds a week, pretty steadily, for a while. Now I can't drop a thing. So...I guess I have to kick it into gear even harder. The good news today is that my thighs are sore. I always love to be sore b/c I know that I broke down some muscle. In simple terms, when you break down muscle it has to grow, which means increased metabolism and fat burn, woohoo!

For a while I had stopped posting little bits of info for you guys. Well despite the craziness of school, I plan on starting to do this once or twice a week again. So here goes: Eating 250 extra calories a day (beyond the recommended 2000 cals. a day recommended for women who are not trying to lose weight) equals to gaining a half a pound a weeks. That is about 2 pounds a month! Yikes!

Crime girl
02-26-2005, 09:00 PM
Okay- I have decided that feeling sorry for myself and worrying about whether I will graduate or not is of course not constructive. So- tomorrow I begin anew. I will exercise as many days of the week as I can and I will try my best to eat under 1600 calories a day. I can do this- I know I can. I just need to get up, dust myself off, get over myself, and do this. I don't know why I can't translate my study ethic for school over to my diet efforts. I think I am going to try to see it as a project. Something to work for and will try to set small goals only. I think the pressure of trying to lose so much before graduation just makes it feel hopeless. I do however think that trying for 2 pounds by March 4 and 8 pounds by the end of March is doable. So-I set my sights on that and although I tend to stumble as long as I limp over the line in the end- I will not be hard on myself and I will not quit.

Okay enough about my crap! I am also going to try to get everyone else fired up again and will try to get on the board and direct things a little better. Reinstate the question of the day and get Red her horoscopes. I will also try to focus us on whatever the daily focus is. So- tomorrow I switch us to Battle of the Bugle #13 and we will truck on!

I am not going to try to respond to everyone because I have been so disengage lately that it would take me forever. I promise when we switch over tomorrow I will be around more and I will answer back if you talk to me. I will say that I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement and the understanding that you all give. I know I can get back on the board without having to apologize but I am sorry I abandoned you all. I am feeling better now and am here for anyone who needs me. :D

Thank you everyone for all the support and I hope you are all doing really well! Have a wonderful night everyone and I will talk to you all tomorrow! :sumo:

02-27-2005, 01:36 AM
Welcome back Crime Girl!! I never thought you had abandoned us. I just thought you needed some time off. It's been lonely here without you, but you did come in to write that sweet message for me when Tetchan died. Yes, you are right. You CAN and WILL lose the weight. Slow is OK, remember? No need to make this a graduation thing. Look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

more later. . .

Crime girl
02-27-2005, 09:13 AM
New thread is at:
See you there!