After finally reaching my goal weight in October 2004, and feeling like I was the luckiest girl on the face of the Earth, I let myself fall into a period of mild depression where I gained about 10-11lbs.
He was my first. He gave me an incredible sense of confidence, and because of him, I became more outgoing. For the first time in my life, I looked in the mirror and felt pretty. Then he started to ignore me and I had to hear from my friend that he's not interested anymore. This happened around the time that my family relations worsened, to magnify the pain. I started to go out less, and spent many nights writing in my diary about how nobody wants me, and the few people that are in my presence just don't understand me. I don't even want to read those pages over again because...well...it's painful.
My mom started to notice that I've changed. I knew I needed help, because I didn't want to binge and cry anymore.
I've decided that I'm going to move on. I've lost all energy, though. I just mope around the house or sit around campus. I'm in no mood to exercise or diet. But really, the only way I can recover my confidence is if I lose weight, because no guy is going to make me feel better about myself.
I'll just take it a few steps at a time. I'll use this thread to post my feelings and progress. Thanks for listening, and feel free to post. Support is much appreciated.
01-20-2005, 04:42 AM
I know that you know that nobody should tell you how you should feel about yourself. But I also know that it is hard to beleave in yourself if nobody beleaves in you. Same here :)
But! I think that we can regain our selfesteem. First good thing is to move, walk or whatever as much as you can. I am walking around the city every day, and now, after 2 weeks I feel so much better. I didnt loose weight because I was not on a diet, but I feel mentaly better, more confident. I would not beleave it if i didnt try it! Try to do something like that (you dont have to take a step class, or swimming, walking is enough!).
I didnt buy a monthly ticket for public transportation this month just to make myself walk. You wolud not beleave the result.
(Forgive my spelling, english is not my native language)
Hope to see you new post soon! :)
01-20-2005, 08:27 AM
Hey there! Sounds like a pretty rough time for you, but remember, everything changes and this will, too.
Depression is a terrible thing because it saps the motivation to do what you want to do. It's normal to feel depressed and sad after breaking up with someone, but if it is dragging on for a long time, you might want to see a doctor--there are some good SHORT TERM medications that can help you get past the hardest part and get going again. I don't like pills, but sometimes some help is appropriate.
Please keep posting! We are rooting for you!
01-20-2005, 11:45 AM
situational depression should not be medicated.
but good luck getting back on the wagon.
01-20-2005, 02:25 PM
I am glad to read that you have made a conscious decision to move on. It is the first step to getting back on track. But, JayEII is right. If you can't get over this hump you need to see your doctor. And while situational depression doesn't ALWAYS need to be medicated as Lottie has pointed out there are times that it is called for. But only you and your doctor can make that determination. Your post reads as though you've suffered at least spurts of depression in the past. So, even if this bout of depression was brought on by an outside trigger (as opposed to a chemical imbalance) doesn't mean that you shouldn't seek help if you need it.
Point is right - get outside even if it is by yourself. It will make you feel mentally better. Isolation can only prolong the way you feel. And as for the 11 lbs? You can do it. And if that is what you need to do in order to regain your self esteem, there is no better time to start than right now.
Good Luck and I hope your days are brighter soon.
01-20-2005, 06:48 PM
Ok, lets get back on the wagon together. I understood every last word you wrote and believe me, I have been there. We are so similar and this time lets really do something for ourselves.
I have had an uplifting sense of energy in the eating department and really want to be healthy. Once this terrible cold is gone I will continue with regular workouts and today I tracked my intake on fitday.com. I never used to like fitday because I found it kind of pointless but I wanted to see where my calories were coming from and its really cool once you get used to it!!
Anyways, MissyK, please, lets help each other. You have always been my greatest inspiration and I really need your guidance and motivation. I am dedicated this time, I am not making excuses this time and finally I am ready to do what it takes.
How did you do today? I would love to hear no matter what happened. If things didn't go your way, remember, we can always fix it or if you did amazing than I can just cheer you on girl!!!
01-20-2005, 10:25 PM
Thanks for the support, everyone!
Today went like this:
B: Peaches n Cream oatmeal
L: Honey mustard ham sandwich
S: muffin (OH NOOOO) and yogurt
I haven't had dinner yet, but I don't think I should eat for the rest of the day. The problem was I had my lunch about one hour after my breakfast, so I was too hungry to wait until dinner, which is at 8pm. Gosh.
Actually, a part of me really wants to get sick. I haven't been sick for quite a while, but as I recall, when I'm sick, I lose my appetite. I SO need that right now.
Hehe, anyway. Get well soon, Cyndy!
01-21-2005, 01:15 PM
I was just thinking about you and the difficulty you are having in trying to get back to your goal weight.
I started by analyzing your current diet, or rather, what you tend to eat in the course of a day. Now, by no means am I going to criticize what you choose to eat because I am no one to make a judgment call considering what I sometimes eat. But, at looking over the food groups, some are very much understated. My logic is this - when your body doesn't get all the nutrients it needs it will continue to make you feel hungry even if you have just ate, say, a muffin (high in refined carbs usually, little protein, and sometimes high in fat).
I don't want to reiterate information that I know you know, but sometimes we forget these things and it could be holding us back.
When we binge on high fat or high sugar foods it is usually because of a lack of nutrition which your body perceives as a famine. Therefore, increasing the nutritional density could help curb those overeating cycles.
I am just as much of a Starbucks lover as you, but I propose we slow that habit down. Let me re-phrase that. There is nothing wrong with it especially because we drink it the low fat way. The problems arises when we use it as a meal replacement. You end up still hungry, out of say 200 calories that could leave us full if it was instead a salad, chicken breast and slice of whole wheat bread - you know?
I am thinking this for you - INCREASE the amount of veggies and fruit you eat. Before every meal now I have either a salad or before breakfast an orange or apple. It really helps round out the meal, makes me more satisfied and fills you up.
To sum it up, I think sticking to the boring, healthy foods may make a big difference. I will if you will................ ;)
01-21-2005, 11:11 PM
Hm, I think you're right, Cyndy. I guess I always knew that my diet was lacking in nutrition, but I just needed someone to tell it to me. I eat carbs because it makes me feel lighter. Whenever I have protein during the day, I feel like I'm on Atkins again. I've never had a salad as a meal before. Surprising, huh? I always wonder if it's filling, since it's so low in calorie.
As for today, I woke up at 6am to do my English essay, so I was clearly too busy to worry about eating.
B: peaches and cream oatmeal (140)
L: chicken teriyaki and rice (400)
S: grapes, 2 arrowroot cookies (150)
D: vermicelli, sausages (600)
I also had coffee. I'm going to take your advice and kick the coffee addiction...starting tomorrow. I read somewhere that coffee makes you crave sugar, anyway.
I have a question. I've noticed that when people lose weight, they eliminate white rice. Does it prevent weight loss because it causes surges in our insulin levels? It's one thing I can't live without, because I love sushi TOO much!!!
01-22-2005, 12:09 PM
Well, it looks like so far you are doing really well. Congrats! You seem to be back on track and not binging. As far as having a salad for a meal - I wouldn't either! It surely would not be filling enough, unless it was one with chicken or hard boiled eggs and some pita bread or something! I usually just have a salad to start with if I can, to fill up on some healthy stuff first.
As for myself, well, I am trying but still eating too much most days. Not binging necessarily but when I feel hungry I just can't help but eat most times because if I don't I start to feel nauceous (sp?). However, that usually brings my calories up to like 1800...so I dunno...Just gotta keep trying I guess.
Anyways, have a good weekend!
01-22-2005, 05:22 PM
Too much white rice isn't good, but the trick is to eat it with other foods such as protein foods, so that the carb absorption is slowed down. Sushi is good that way because it has protein but is generally low fat. The trick is not to go overboard with it (like so often is the case). For example, if you like California roll, just stop with six pieces. That plus miso soup should be enough for a good meal. Or if it's dinner, you could have all-tuna sashimi, and limit the amount of rice. 1/3 to 1/2 cup of cooked rice is all you need at a meal.
One of the hard things is learning to be satisfied without feeling STUFFED.
01-24-2005, 07:12 PM
Thanks, Jay. I'll keep that in mind. Actually, I only had 6 pieces of california roll for lunch today, so i'm pretty pleased with myself.
I definitely feel alot better today, compared to last week! I had a 3 course meal at a hotel restaurant on Granville Island on Saturday, but I didn't stuff myself. Besides, those expensive restaurants charge you lots but feed you little ^.^
Then, I worked on Sunday and had a huge lunch, finishing off the day with a small, high protein dinner of crab meat and mayo.
So far today, I've had:
L: california roll
GAAAH I can't kick my coffee addiction!!!
01-24-2005, 11:01 PM
Hi MissyK ~
Great job at the hotel restaurant 3-course meal!!!
Don't worry about the coffee addiction too much - hey we can't take away everything we like ;) I guess just as long as you are eating healthy a coffee or two a day won't hurt.
I LOVE california rolls!!! I usually buy them in the package that is made fresh everyday at the grocery store and it comes with 6 pieces. Could you give me an estimate on calories? I have no idea but have always wondered...
I have been doing surprisingly very well!! Yesterday I just decided that I am going to do it - I saw a picture and thought, no, no more like this. And today carried on super well. I am very proud hehehe. Just trying to avoid eating anymore before bed, and it seems when you put your mind to it everything else takes a back seat and you just do what you have to do.
01-25-2005, 02:13 AM
Hey cyndy! I just came back from Cactus Club, and I had the Ahi Tuna, which is just grilled rare tuna on wild rice and beans! VEry healthy! I feel so good about myself, it's unbelievable!
California rolls, the last time I checked are 250 to 350 calories. I calculate on my own as well like this: about 3/4 cup rice=150cal avocado=75cal, mayo=100cal crab meat=20cal for a total of 345 cals! Well, that's how the restaurant I work at makes it.
I'm hopeless. I had another TALL AMERICANO!!!
01-25-2005, 08:57 PM
Oh I'm so not in a good mood right now. I have been doing really well the past two days and then today comes along. I am so stressed because of the insane amount of work I have to do for school, I feel like I can't handle it. The only thing that has kept me happy was that I was eating so well. But the hunger just took over and I decided I wouldn't eat after my mini binge. So since 1 pm I didn't really eat anything - wasn;t hungry. But at 7pm I came home and made low fat popcorn, ate the WHOLE bag, and had chocolate kisses :( why why why...oh and a nectarine.
Sorry for feeling all the self-pity but it sucks. I found out I got an award from school today which should make me happy, but it's like it just adds to the stress. The only good part is for my bank account.
Well, I guess tomorrow is a new day and I can pick it up from there. I apologize again for complaining but my frustrations are just sky high right now. Thank you for listening. MissyK, I hope you had a great day, though!!!
01-26-2005, 01:17 AM
We ALL have bad days, believe me. I don't think I've ever had THIS many assignments to complete in a single week.
Congrats about your award from school! This is the biggest coincidence, but I just picked up my scholarship cheque from school today as well.
I've had a pretty good eating day, except for the low-fat fruit bar I had from *sigh* Starbucks.
I hate it when hunger takes over. I guess when that happens, make sure you fill yourself up with nutritious foods, like chicken or salad (as you said in an earlier post). I keep telling myself that unhealthy food will only ADD to my frustration. And if there's one thing I don't need more of, it's FRUSTRATION!
I hope you feel better soon! And if you ever have to vent...you know this is the place...
01-26-2005, 05:22 AM
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I *do* feel better this morning, although it is 4:19am and I can't sleep so I figured just get up and perhaps workout before school or get some extra work in.
I am ready as ever to get back on plan today and do the best I can! MissyK we will do this. No matter what nothing and no one should hold us back from being where we want to be. I am just anticipating finally being at a lower weight and I know it will come if I don't waste time looking at failures but forgetting and moving on as though it never happened.
Hmmm now what to get started with? I guess anywhere is better than no where...off I go to accomplish some work :)
Have a great day and you can bet I will be drinking some coffee today!
01-28-2005, 02:56 AM
This is AWESOME! I've 2lbs! And it's not just water weight! How do I know? I ate CRAZY amounts of food today, and then stepped on the scale expecting a gain...
I haven't been eating little, either. I guess the exercise makes a big difference. The cool thing is, it's not even "gym" exercise. IT's what I love, like ballroom dancing and running from classroom to classroom without taking the elevator. Ok...well I don't exactly like the latter. Hm.
ANyway, I didn't eat well today, but here goes:
B: frosted flakes and milk
L: raspberry scone (booo)
S: 5 onion rings ( i had a full order, but couldn't put myself through the guilt)
D: chicken and vegetables, cream of mushroom soup
S: vanilla latte and half a heart cookie
S: apple pie (my dad made it...and he gets mad when i don't eat his cooking)
WOW I'm a bottomless pit.
Cyndy, I'm curious. Where do you like to shop? Just asking, because I'm excited about heading off to the States on Valentines day to do some shopping. My fave shops (American and Canadian): Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, American Eagle and any store that sells The North Face gear.
01-28-2005, 09:45 AM
That is AAAMAZING!!!! Good for you, MissyK! I am so so so happy for you :D So how far are you to goal now? I can't remember where you are with that exactly - and where have you placed your goal weight now, is it the same still? Sorry my memory is failing me! :lol:
I am getting back on track with my eating again. I am going to start working out everyday and actually getting to that soon...I do have to go out to lunch today but I'll just be careful.
As far as where I like to shop...I don't have a particular favourite store. I like stores that I usually can't afford! ;) Because I live close to Toronto and am usually downtown because of school I pass through the Eaton Centre almost daily. I love the clothes in Guess and their other store Marciano. There is another store called Bebe which again is out of my price range but I like looking around in there. I don't know if you have the store where you live because I think it is the only one in Canada but nice stuff. Aritzia is also one of my fav's. For athletic wear, Lululemon has nice fitting yoga-inspired clothes...hmmm maybe you shouldn't have gotten me on the subject :lol: But have fun shopping in the states - I am so jealous!!!
Ciao for now :D
01-31-2005, 03:10 AM
Gosh...Lululemon...$108 dollars for spandex. Hehe...it's darn sexy spandex, though. I LOVE IT!
Anyway...I noticed your new progress chart! Congrats! Also, it looks alot better...small goals are the key. To recap, I went from 105lbs (my goal) to 120lbs.
I ate like crazy yesterday...my friends and I went to a classy restaurant and had a 3 course meal (it's Dine-Out Festival in British Columbia). Although I just had the seafood sampler, the lemon cheesecake was..errr. I also ate alot before dinner, since I went to see Hide and Seek with my friends, who MUST order popcorn and cheesy nachos. I also had alot to drink...Baileys Irish Cream, Russian Paralyzer AND my friend's Erotica. I must of had 3000 calories!!! Ohhh noo.
I worked today, so I did fairly well...
B: Peaches n Cream oatmeal and cheesestrings.
L: Rice, grilled vegetables, ribs
D: Chicken, lettuce, rice noodles
S: coffee, tea
I'm trying have a balance of protein and carbs in each meal, so I feel don't feel nutritionally deprived. You're right...eating a more "nutritious" breakfast leaves me satisfied for the day.
02-01-2005, 10:31 PM
Well things have gone so-so today. I am just not having a spectacular day, and ate more than I wish I did, BUT I took some advice you gave me a long time ago about drinking water when you feel the urge to binge. ALL I want to do tonight is binge. I guess b/c eating today wasn't the perfect 1200-1400 calories I feel I already did badly. However, I stuck it out and drank water and ate some carrots before, now I think I can make it until I go to bed without binging.
Slowly, very slowly, I am losing. So happy about that. I have committed more than I have in years, and in retrospect, it really isn't that hard (now THAT'S quite a statement!). But really when you think about it, once you make the decision to do it and want it bad enough, there is just no going back to the old way of doing things. I do workout everyday and like tonight, I just won't allow binging.
The important thing for me is not to think too much of the future but today. Today is enough for me to worry about :lol:
I notice that you usually eat B,L,D mainly. Do you ever feel reallly hungry between meals? I find I can't do the three meals thing, but than again maybe I still need some time for my stomach to shrink. How big are your portions? Do you measure the food? Sorry for all the questions but I love learning from experts!
02-03-2005, 02:56 AM
OH my goodness. I think I'm tearing up. CONGRATULATIONS on your weightloss!!! Doesn't it feel great to see that chart thingy change? I've been messing around with it, and I still don't know how to update it.
I try to have B,L,D because small meals don't satisfy me. My portions are usually prepared. I mean, when I have oatmeal, it's in a package, so I make sure I only have one bowl. I eat sushi often, which comes in a box of six pieces. As for dinner, it's never really appealing for me to eat at home, so I don't eat much. I can't control myself when I eat out, though. Last night, I ate at Denny's at 11:30pm!!! I felt horrible...
But to answer your question, I DO feel hungry between meals. The worst time for me is from 12-2pm. I eat breakfast at 10am. I guess my body craves food at that time because for the last...19 years I've had lunch at that time. I now eat lunch at around 2pm, because that's when class is over. The period between lunch and dinner isn't so bad, though.
You are SO right about not thinking about the future. I haven't been doing well these two days because I keep worrying about this weekend (eating out).
What kind of workouts are you doing? I only get to ballroom dance these days. GOOD NEWS! My partner said I felt thinner. That's the cool thing about contact hobbies...people can "feel" your weight loss progress. Even if it IS only 2lbs.
Do your clothes feel looser?
02-05-2005, 10:28 AM
I waited a couple days to reply because the morning I read your post I was in such a bad mood because the night before I got so hungry prior to bedtime that I ate 2 bowls of cereal, 1/2 cinnamon raisin bagel etc...and my weight jumped up 3 lbs the next morning! I was livid! I tried to be logical and tell myself it is just water weight from the carbs...and I think it was...phew! My weight appears to have leveled back down this morning unless that has something to do with all the drinks last night..oye...went clubbing...
But now I realize the importance of WHAT you eat. The past couple days I haven't been eating low calories, heck I didnt even count cals. But I basically am cutting out refined carbs and that seems to be making a difference. Will keep you posted on that front.
Good for you with the ballroom dancing! :D I would absolutely LOVE to do that but when I did it awhile ago I couldnt stick with it because it is VERY expensive too! Perhaps I should check out some other places. I love dancing. And the fact that your partner said you feel thinner! That would make my day! Congrats!! :D
For exercise I have been either going on the treadmill or doing this workout called T-tapp - it is difficult so I can only make it about 1/4 way through the tape. I really feel it in the back of my thighs this morning :o
Well, I am in better spirits and I hope things are going well for you!
Oh yes, and I wanted to tell you about clothes fitting better!! I didn't think there was any difference but the other day I put on a pair of jeans that were too uncomfortable to wear before but they slid on pretty easily so I guess something is working.
02-10-2005, 10:14 PM
I'm gonna have to make this reply short because I'm really rushed right now, but I felt like saying hi.
I hope you are doing okay as I havent heard from you, but I am guessing you're swamped with school work - me too!
I havent weighed myself in a few days but I seem to be yo-yoing between 3 lbs constantly and therefore at a stand still or gaining weight. Not happy at all but whats new. Just havent been able to stay on track.
Oh boy, not much else to say :( Just gotta keep on tryin'!
02-11-2005, 02:26 AM
Wow, I've never been more stressed! I'm not kidding, everyday this week, I've had either an essay or assignment due, or a midterm! I have two midterms tomorrow! TOday I just had my French oral examination! Gaah!
I really haven't been trying to diet, or even eat healthy as of late. WEll, I'd eat healthy during the day. Then, to stay awake for my late night cram sessions, I'd sip on tea, coffee, and munch on cookies, bread, and other junk. I know it's absolutely horrible, but I feel like I have no choice. I can't stay awake and study if I have no energy. But once I start, I can't stop.
I've think I did fine today, though. For breakfast, I had an apple and cheese. For lunch, a slice of veggie deluxe pizza. For dinner, roast chicken and lettuce.
Being an EX-follower of Atkins, I know that refined carbs REALLY do prevent weight loss. So I totally agree with you in saying, "it's WHAT you eat." The thing is, I really like bread and rice. My favorite foods, I've discovered, are subs and sushi.
Oh, as for cereal...I've recently discovered it's EVIL! I bought some, thinking it'd help me lose weight. BUT I ended up eating 2 bowls before bedtime too!!! It's not exactly low in calorie...and it's not filling either. I think it triggers cravings for me. I'm going to stay away from it. Maybe you can consider doing the same? I mean...if you calculate the calories, it's the roughly the same as potato chips.
Congrats on the jeans fitting!
I don't know if you remember, but my first weight loss buddy, who inspired me to find other weight loss buddies on this site, updated me with her progress! She disappeared for a long time. Anyway, she's now 116lbs from 147lbs. Well, when she started buddying up with me, she was 130lbs, I believe. I was so happy for her! She's 5"2, and 16 years old.
I also bought Jay Mcgraw's Ultimate Weight Solution for Teens. I'll see how that goes. I'm going to try to improve my body image first...I hate hating what I see in the mirror.