100 lb. Club - All is Vanity! Warning: Weird, Squishy, Emotional Post




teapotdynamo
01-19-2005, 03:32 PM
I have a weird question to ask, and if you made it past the thread title, I feel pretty certain that you may be as weird as I am (or at least curious) :dizzy: .

As I was trying to sleep last night, it occurred to me that I might be becoming a little bit vain. Ever since I've lost weight, I find it hard to pass a mirror or window without looking into it. Sometimes I'm trying to convince myself it's REALLY ME I'm seeing, other times I'm searching my reflection for evidence of my loss. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see myself as the "fat girl" I've always been (focusing just on how much I have left to lose); other times I know I'm looking pretty good these days.

And clothes -- boy, I've started to love clothes shopping. Whereas before I could barely fit into frumpy Lane Bryant 26/28 clothes, I'm finally able to fit into some cute stuff in "regular" sizes (Old Navy is my friend). I find that I hate wearing my older, baggier clothes because they're like sacks and hide my new shape.

I've started taking better care of myself, too, paying more attention to my hair and makeup. AND I've started to notice other people noticing me, which is a very weird feeling (but flattering!).

Anyway, I'm starting to feel kind of guilty and vain. I feel like my husband must be going crazy with my, "look it fits!" comments and constant self-monitoring. I'm wondering if this is something anyone else has been through, particularly those of you who have lost a lot of weight. I know I still have lots of weight to go, but I'm just feeling so much better about myself... I don't want to become insufferable in the process! Is this something other people have felt, too? If so, does it go away? Am I just a horrible person?

I'd appreciate any advice...


boiaby
01-19-2005, 03:46 PM
A horrible person? Absolutely not! Human, most definitely! :yes: I've been experiencing the exact same things, however, it never occured to me to feel bad about it. Thanks for getting me started on a whole new complex! ;) (JK!) Anyway, I'm a total clothes hound now, this from a person who absolutely despised shopping! I definitely pay more attention to my appearence now, I guess I just want to look as good as I feel. I've literally spent my whole life avoiding mirrors and social situations, so now, maybe I'm just making up for lost time. I think it's all part of learning to love yourself, and what on earth could be wrong with feeling sexy and confident inside and out? I say take pride in your accomplishments and enjoy the new you!

Beverly

funniegrrl
01-19-2005, 03:48 PM
I feel exactly the way you do ... I care a LOT more about my appearance, the cut/fit of clothes, makeup, hair, etc. I used to describe myself as "not being into girly stuff" but now it's coming out!

But, the difference is that I don't think it's vain! For me, the line is that, while I enjoy and care about these superficialities more than I used to, I don't VALUE them over more substantial things. Yes, I enjoy checking out my reflection now and thinking, "hey, not too bad!" or even the occasional, "hmmm, sorta hottie!" But, I don't think it makes me a better person, or more valuable, or anything like that, and I bet you don't either.

Relax, enjoy!


nelie
01-19-2005, 03:51 PM
Jennifer,

I would say your reactions are normal because it is a new thing to you. I don't think you'll be surprised at how you look or what fits you when you have been that same size for a while.

I totally understand the new sizes thing myself. Today, I am wearing a size of 24 pants from Lane Bryant, of which I have the same exact pants in size 28, and I am just amazed at how damn good they look. I've also been amazed at the fact that I can fit in XL "normal" sizes, it is so amazing. I have these pair of pajamas (non stretch) that are a size XL and the pants (which my bottom is bigger than my top) fit perfect, every time I wear them, they kind of amaze me. I imagine eventually, it'll wear off.

artist
01-19-2005, 04:52 PM
Snap! Doesn't sound at all weird to me. As part of my weightloss journey I have generally put a lot more effort into taking care of myself, and that includes such delights as hair, make-up, enjoying new clothes......makes me feel great, and I definitely get a lot more compliments.......I have even bought, and enjoyed wearing, some hot pink high heeled shoes.....hadn't worn heels in 20 years or so, and it feels good!

I'm with the others - this is not vain or superficial.....its about feeling good, confident, and enjoying expressing who you are....whats wrong with that?!

barbygirl43
01-19-2005, 05:01 PM
When I'm having a good week, I catch myself always looking in the mirror, especially the full-length one in the bathroom at work.
I'm sure once I can buy the "normal" sized clothes, I too will become a slave to my clothing collection, which will replace my one fetish I've always had--shoes. :D

I don't think it is vain in the least. You do look different than you did almost 60 pounds ago. I know for me sometimes it is amazing to see how far I've come. Yes, I do still look at myself and know that I'm not even halfway there yet.

dowsx4
01-19-2005, 05:13 PM
I am definatly guilty of that as well! I am always looking at myself and wanting to try on new clothes. And if I find something exspecially flattering I really want to show it off! I paint my nails all the time now and I am doing more with my hair and I rarely leave the house without makeup!

tolose85
01-19-2005, 06:23 PM
Its TOTALLY NORMAL! I looked in the mirror constantly. AND after a shopping spree, I would come home and immediately try on all the new slender clothes and model them for hubby THEN make him take pictures of me in all the outfits!! Talk about insane! The thing is, losing weight and feeling good about yourself is HUGE! I mean what an accomplishment! You SHOULD check yourself out! Its a NEW YOU! I know how great I felt when I hit 148 (obviously, I am larger now and will continue to be since I am pregnant) but I still am in awe that I weighed what I weighed! You are not vein. You are paying more attention to yourself which is a good thing. keep up the great work.. I am sure you look terriffic!

~moon puppy~
01-19-2005, 08:07 PM
Girl, I say shout it from the rooftops if that is what you want to do. It does not matter what others think but more what you think. You have worked hard. :D

Br00klyn
01-19-2005, 08:30 PM
Jennifer - UM NO! :) You're not a horrible person by any means and there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing. You're showing self-confidence which is probably something you've lacked a little bit until now (if you're anything like me). If I were in your shoes (which I'm sure are fantastic since you're in NY and all - hehe) I would be screaming with excitement and always in awe of the loss. You deserve to be proud girl... Look at how far you've come! Be proud and show it off! Look in the mirror... GO FOR IT! You totally have something to look at honey! Just my 2 cents....

PS: Did I mention... YOU'RE HOT! ;)

heather_dw
01-19-2005, 10:04 PM
Jennifer,

you have worked so hard. Enjoy it!

I hope to be making a similar post to yours when I start losing more. Maybe before next Christmas?..lol

I'm so jealous! (j/k..lol)
You are doing such a great job!

Stinger766
01-19-2005, 10:08 PM
I completely agree with what everyone said! I felt that way when I'd lost my most, before the holiday break, which was 93 lbs. I honestly would look at my reflection in windows and couldn't believe it was really me. And that's with 50+ more lbs to lose. I have to say having gained back as much as I did during the holidays I feel like the "old" me again, fat and ugly. :(

I do pay way more attention to my hair, makeup, jewelry, shoes etc that I did for years. It really is about realizing and celebrating the new look, not being vain. You deserve to feel great about yourself with the accomplishments you've made and you should never feel guilty for having the pride in your appearance that you have now. I was amazed when I saw before and now pictures of you. I've lost a lot but I don't see the difference in me that I see in you. Yours is soooo dramatic! (I should post my before and nows to see what you guys think. I need an ego boost, lol).

Take care and keep up the great work!

teapotdynamo
01-20-2005, 09:49 AM
Thanks so much, you guys (especially Celina, with your blush-worthy comment! :o ). I knew posting about this would help! It really does make me feel better to know that others have been through the same emotions.

When I really think about it, it makes sense -- you can't be walking around in almost like a completely new body without noticing it all the time. I think what I'm reacting to is just the "obsessiveness" that seems to be necessary to keep losing (maybe the term "mindfulness" is better).

And Stinger, I bet you really can notice your loss. I think it's harder to see it in ourselves than it is in others. I still say to my husband all the time, "Are you sure you can *really* tell????"

And p.s.: heels are next on my agenda. Still haven't had the courage to buy any new ones, but I'm sure I can wear them much more easily than I could before. The problem with NYC is that you have to be able to WALK in them, not just stand around looking pretty :).

Thanks again, all. Don't know how we could do this without each other!

PamPSM644
01-20-2005, 11:06 AM
I'm not quite to the point where I'm standing in front of the mirror but when I do the was and I'm folding my new clothes I'm amazed that I can wear these things. They look so small to me. I still have a body image of myself as a very large person and I assume it will take some time to correct this. I say brag and look in the mirrow all you want,you've earned it.

frenchiepolarbear
01-20-2005, 12:57 PM
You are abseloutely right about this. The fact that i lost 30 pounds with 7 weeks and still dropping made me feel much better about myslef.

This could not come at a better time. Odds are that the company i work for will shut down it's operations within few weeks. This is very hard, but less harder because this negative change (loosing my job) will be somewhat counterbalanced by this positive one. This will also be a challenge, as in the past, i've always ate my emotions.....

I guess my life will change drastically over the next few months....


There is nothing more sad or glorious than generations changing hand
John Mellencamp

artist
01-20-2005, 02:17 PM
Jennifer

I know what you mean about the obsessiveness/mindfulness. One thing I've noticed is that the obsessiveness went away when I was on a maintaining 'break' over the last few months - and during that time I kind of got used to my new body......now I'm back to business with the aim of shedding more pounds, I am becoming much more mindful/obsessive. I think, given that the effort and energy it takes to eat healthily and exercise, that the obsessiveness while losing is somewhat inevitable.......don't particularly like it, but there you go!