Weight Loss Support - Don't think I can do this




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ali_cat
01-07-2005, 01:22 PM
I feel like such an idiot :( . I look at myself in the mirror and see the number on the scale and know I have to do SOMETHING about my weight while I've got my metabolism on my side, but everytime I try I fail miserably before I even get started. I could stock my fridge/pantries with all this healthy stuff, but still manage to eat the fast food no one should be eating. I have an exercise room not 10 steps from my apartment door that's free but I never go, not to mention the free one up on campus that I've only set foot in once and felt so uncomfortable I couldn't stand it and left. I hear stories about how all of you have done so wonderfully on your changes and lost so much weight but this voice in my head says 'that'll never be you'. I hate that I can get off on the right foot but stumble on the next step, and I hate myself for being like this in the first place. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be like this forever, but at the rate I'm going I will be.


barbygirl43
01-07-2005, 01:59 PM
I'm sorry to hear you are so discouraged. Many people speak of aha moments where something clicked and they started losing weight. Others say they just decided to give it a try. There are a million reasons why some people succeed and just as many why others don't.
For me, it helps to talk to myself. For each meal I ask myself if it's really worth it to eat McDonald's, Arby's, whatever or would I be better off eating what I planned. Sometimes I do give in and have that fast food. I've found that when I plan my meals out, I do better at eating healthy. Yeah it's great and nice to have a fridge and pantry full of healthy food but if you are like me and don't plan on what to make of that healthy food, a lot of times it's easier to just pick up some take out instead of standing there trying to find something for dinner.

I know the big picture can be overwhelming. Sometimes if you break it down into small segments it suddenly doesn't seem so bad. Why not plan on losing just 5 pounds. That sounds pretty reasonable. After you lose it, work on losing 5 pounds again. Before you know it all those 5 pound losses will add up to a lot.

You are welcome to join us over at the 100+ club (we're listed at the bottom of the forums).

funniegrrl
01-07-2005, 02:10 PM
I don't know what to tell you, other than I've been through the same vicious cycle and most others here have, too.

The simple fact is that right now you want the food more than you want the results of living healthy. The key might be to find out why that is. Why do you let inertia win rather than go to the exercise room? Why do you avoid the healthy food in the kitchen and go to the fast food places and eat BAD fast food? What is that food doing for you? If you are like many of us, I suspect that the food is a friend -- it's entertainment, solace, something that's comfortaing and familiar and fun. Take that away, and you feel empty and alone and bored. So, if you find things to fill those holes, the food becomes less important.

The very first step is to stop hating yourself, talking negatively to yourself about yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but know this: Negative reinforcement DOESN'T work. Positive reinforcement does. If you are trying to diet out of self-hatred, hoping that by being thin you'll start loving yourself, you are sunk before you begin. You have to love yourself, value yourself enough to do what you need to do to honor and care for your body and your mind. Spend some time thinking about difficult things you've accomplished. What tools did you use to do that? How can you apply those same skills, that same mind set, those same techniques, to this goal?

You're not a failure. You are someone who hasn't yet felt ready to commit, who hasn't found the right spark, the right tools, to turn over a new leaf.

Rather than be discouraged because some of us have succeeded and you haven't, be ENcouraged. Don't think, "That'll never be me" but rather, "If they can do it, I can do it." You have to constantly talk to yourself in a positive, optimistic way in order to have the energy to stick with a commitment this big. It's hard, and it's probably contrary to your life-long way of thinking about yourself. But it's crucial. I don't know if you've read the books that are often recommended here, but I urge you to RUN, not walk to the library or bookstore and pick up Thin for Life. In addition, I think the Dr. Phil weight loss book would have a lot to offer you. I'm not a huge fan of his, but I do think this book has some extremely important points that might help your situation.

This is a process, there are no quick, easy, one-size-fits-all answers. ANYONE can do this, it's just about experimenting and being observant and changing what doesn't work. Remember, you are only a failure if you give up.


boiaby
01-07-2005, 03:21 PM
Yes, you can do this! You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. For me it came down to the choices I make every day, and accepting the fact that I could not continue living the way I was if I wanted to lose weight and get healthy. I believe that you have to be ready to accept and embrace the changes that must to be made in order live healthier for the rest of your life. Every time you consider grabbing fast food rather than choosing a healthier option, ask yourself, is this really worth it? Is this cheesburger or hot fudge sundae so important right now thay you're willing to put off what you really want most, getting fit and healthy? Sometimes it will be worth it to you, and that's okay, but at least consider the question every time, and I'll bet that most of the time it really isn't as important as you thought when it comes to your health and your life. You've got to prioritize what really matters most to you and live your life accordingly. I have been obese all of my life and I never believed enough in myself to think that I could do this. But you know what I've discovered? Mom was right, you really can do anything if you put your mind to it. We have so much more strength and resolve than we even realize. So don't let each set back be a failure, make it just another chance to get it right the next time. And believe in yourself, because you CAN do this!

Beverly

Derek
01-07-2005, 04:15 PM
Body-For-Life: You can still have the fast food you crave =) E-mail me if you wanna learn more about it.

KandiceS
01-07-2005, 04:55 PM
YES YOU CAN! I know the first 2 weeks of exercising were the hardest for me - finsing a reason why to go and everything but now- 6 months later, it's part of my day.

Everyone on here is such an inspiration, but my personal favorite success story is chaoticfish- look her up!

NicoleNYC
01-07-2005, 06:50 PM
I feel like such an idiot :( . I look at myself in the mirror and see the number on the scale and know I have to do SOMETHING about my weight while I've got my metabolism on my side, but everytime I try I fail miserably before I even get started. I could stock my fridge/pantries with all this healthy stuff, but still manage to eat the fast food no one should be eating. I have an exercise room not 10 steps from my apartment door that's free but I never go, not to mention the free one up on campus that I've only set foot in once and felt so uncomfortable I couldn't stand it and left. I hear stories about how all of you have done so wonderfully on your changes and lost so much weight but this voice in my head says 'that'll never be you'. I hate that I can get off on the right foot but stumble on the next step, and I hate myself for being like this in the first place. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be like this forever, but at the rate I'm going I will be.

Ok! Let's not look at the big picture - let's take this one problem at a time:

First, as for fast food - when I first started trying to lose (I was 287!) I ate a LOT of fast food. All the time, nearly daily. Now, I can't tell you the last time I had or even wanted it. Why? Well, it's kinda gross. Now that I know a little more about what's going on with that food, I don't want it! When I think of 1. how cruddy that food must be if they can offer it so cheaply, 2. the number of hands it's passed through (how do I know how clean these people?) and 3. the state of any kitchen that's been used that much - ugh. No thank you. Sounds silly but it works for me. All it takes is one fry guy with a cold and I'm eating sneezers. NO WAY.

Second, if working out in front of people makes you uncomfortable, march yourself to the nearest Walmart (order online, or borrow if you have to) and get yourself the Walk Away The Pounds tapes or DVDs. The one mile is only 20 minutes and even a very beginner can do it. Try it! It takes very little space or time and just 20 minutes. Sometimes I think getting the habit started is the hardest part. Pick something that's virutally painless and work up from there.

Stop concentrating on what you can't do and think of all the things you can. Pick a few changes at a time and focus on those.

Just keep problem solving - don't give up!

ali_cat
01-07-2005, 11:45 PM
Holy...so many replies for an afternoon, I don't know where to begin here...

Well, first, thank you all for replying. It is of some comfort to know that there are those that have some idea of what I'm going through here.

barbygirl: While I do my best to plan out meals, it's not easy when you can't cook well. If I can throw it on my Foreman grill, I'm good to go, but I have no way to steam veggies right now which SUCKS! On top of that, I'm finiky. I'll plan to cook chicken one night but get there and think 'I don't really want that now'. Granted, that may just be my twisted, food-crazed mind saying 'healthy stinks, go get some fat! Muwahahaha!' without me even realizing it, which would be of no shock to me.

And thank you for inviting me to the 100+ part of the forum, I'll check that area out too.

funniegirl: You are right about one thing, I feel better when I'm eating though I don't really understand why. I noticed something this weekend while I was with relatives. We got in to a rather heated discussion and the more heated it got, the faster I ate. I don't remember what it was about but by the time I shut up and pulled myself out of the conversation, I was practically shoveling the food into my mouth faster than I could chew it. No one else seemed to notice (if they did they didn't say anything) but I did after the fact.

Also, I don't see myself as dieting because I hate myself. I do hate myself to some degree, but if I really truly wanted myself to suffer, I'd stay this way with no second thought of changing. I'd like to change, I'd like to be thin and healthy and not be constantly scolded by my parents/relatives that I need to lose weight, however, that's not happening yet. My major problem is I see little to like about myself. I have never really seen myself as anything worthwhile. I don't know how to change that little voice that is always in the back of my head going 'loser!' and finding any way/shape/form to beat me down.

I have the Dr Phil book, but I don't have Thin for Life. Thank you for suggesting it. Who is the author?

boiaby: I don't know how to believe in myself. How did you do it?

nicole: Ew...I...ew...sneezers? *shudders* I personally never really thought about what goes on back there, I prefer not to concidering how much I have to eat fast food when I'm with relatives, not just by myself. But...ew...yeah, I'll be putting THAT into concideration now.

And I really do feel uncomfortable exercising in front of others. I never feel like I belong there. I see so many others who are thin and rock hard going in to the rec center on campus and feel like the big flabby outcast. Not to mention most of that equipment is too hard for me anyway. But about the tapes, I have a question, how do you 'walk away the pounds' by watching a tape? I don't mean that to sound sarcastic at all, even though I know it does, I'm just...curious and as we all know, kitties are curious. I will look into them though, I'd just like to know how that works before I buy it as I'm a poor college student. However, I can't be afraid forever, how do I get more comfortable with exercising in the gym too? Right now, it's parylizingly uncomfortable.

~Final thoughts~ (sorry, I couldn't help myself there, lol)

I really don't know how I'm going to do this, I still have a few doubts that I can. But I do know that I can't stay like this forever either. I'm unhappy, unhealthy, and tired of looking like an elephant compared to my friends. I've looked pregnant for too long, now if I just had faith in myself that I too could pull it off like you guys.

NicoleNYC
01-08-2005, 01:01 AM
Sneezers - changes everything, doesn't it?

As for the WATP tapes - really, they're like aerobics for people who don't have a lot of room (or co-ordination). There are only a few basic steps and some arm movements. They're really good for cardio, esp if you're a beginner. They should be a good place to start and they might help you build the confidence to get to a gym. Finding a partner helps too.

For me, it just helps to stop thinking ahead and just start controling the things I can master right NOW.

Good luck to you.

chubbles
01-08-2005, 09:39 AM
You are your own disappointment. I am gonna be a bit tough here only because I know exactly how you feel and it took a smack in the face for me to realise how whiney I was and how I controlled the way I look and feel.
Stop saying "I can't and I am so disappointed." Don't complain about how weak you think you are, just do it.
I was on the same ride as you, up the hill on one diet, down the hill on another. I was 190 and loaded on another 45 pounds bouncing back and forth on Atkins, and low fat.
I was whining about how fat i was, how terrible i felt and looked when my husband said in his frustration, " Well ever since you 'dieted' you gained 45 pounds. Stop doing the back and forth dammit and do something you can stick to. I support which ever one you want only if you stick to it."
So I thought about how i did pack on more weight 'dieting' and thinking i cannot do it. I decided to pick low fat because it does not limit any one food group. This was in august, now in jan, i weigh 195. I was at 230. It isn't the fastest loss, but i am in college full time, mother of four, and exercise when i can. The slow loss is discouraging to me at times, but i figure, i didn't gain!

What you need to do is grow some will power, ignore your doubt and just do it. It is not an easy step. Especially when those tempting evil foods daunt you and call for you. I still struggle from time to time, but manage to get by snacking on cereals like cocoa puffs and cookie crisp, fire balls, and gum drops. I drink hot chocolate and avoid pizza, burgers and the such. We rarely go out to eat because of the foods and the temptations. Your best bet is to eliminate eating out all together and tell yourself you can do it. No one here can do it for you, nor can anyone here make you do it or coax you to. There are no excuses. You control your self image, you control your esteem, you control the way you eat.

JayEll
01-08-2005, 11:42 AM
Whose hand is it that is putting the food into your mouth?

'Nuff said?

No one will rescue you from this. You'll have to do it. You can get help to do it, but every step is yours.

It may mean:
- Not seeing your relatives for awhile.
- Eating something different from what everyone else is eating.
- Not going out for food.
- Figuring out how to heat frozen vegetables in the microwave. Yes, they come out just fine.
- Eating what you planned to eat instead of behaving like a kid who can have anything by saying "I want something else now."

And many other things too numerous to mention.

I wish you the best!

Jay

funniegrrl
01-08-2005, 04:15 PM
I lived my entire life eating by whim -- letting vegetables rot in the refrigerator because I never "felt like" preparing them, getting takeout or ordering pizza because that's what I "felt like" eating, eating breakfast out of vending machines and going through a drive-through for lunch because I didn't "feel like" getting up early enough to prepare food for the day, eating at a restaurant for dinner because I had a long day and I "deserved it." I also lived the rest of my life that way ... house was always messy, late taking books back to the library, nevery paid bills on time, etc. I only did what I "felt like" doing, and as a consequence I was extremely overweight, lived in a dump, and had horrible finances.

When I decided that I was going to lose weight, I knew that those impulses and habits had to be the first thing to go. It would be PAINFUL, but that's what had to happen. That's one reason I chose a plan that had a printed menu that told me exactly what to eat when. Even though I don't follow those menus any more, and I give myself more leeway, I still mentally plan out my food the night before. Sure, I might have decided to have green beans for dinner and switched to broccoli at the last minute. But, I had to remove the "what do I feel like eating?" question COMPLETELY out of the equation for a while. It's called GROWING UP and BEHAVING RESPONSIBLY. Sometimes you just have to decide that you will do what it takes, whatever it takes, regardless of what you're childish little heart prefers. Let's face it, do you brush your teeth because you "feel like it?" Do you walk the dog, put gas in the car, etc. because you feel like it? No, you do these things because they need to be done for a very good reason, not because they are entertaining.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but your second post is full of all the things you can't do and even more negative, hateful self-talk. Problems are going to crop up, it's just not going to go smoothly, and you're going to have to do a lot of things counter to your current habits. You have to have a problem-solving mindset. For example ... what do you mean you "can't steam vegetables?" First of all, if you have a microwave you can steam them there. If you don't, all you need is a $2 metal steam basket and a small saucepan, preferably with a lid. Outside of that, who says vegetables have to be steamed? Eat them raw. Sautee them in a tiny bit of olive oil. Cook them in a pot with a little chicken broth. Roast them. Don't know how to cook? Ask a friend to show you, buy a cookbook, take a cooking class. Don't like going to the gym? Buy the excellent Leslie Sansone tapes that have been suggested several times here. For every single obsticle or excuse, you have three choices: Do it anyway, find another way to do it, or give up.

Trust me, my mind worked just like yours does most of my life. I would let some small road block stop the whole caravan. I'd throw up my hands and say, "Can't be done." But that had to change, that was a major stumbling block to getting my life in order. I'm not a morning person, so I knew that getting up early enough to pack my lunch and snacks for the next day would last about 2 days. Being prepared was key to sticking with my plan. So, I made sure I had everything packed and ready to go the night before. That seems so simple, but it was a crucial breakthrough in my thinking. Of course, I often was tempted to "just do it in the morning" but I knew realistically that wouldn't happen. So I gritted my teeth and got everything ready the night before. For the first time in my life I started going to the grocery store every single week on the same day. I knew the house had to be stocked with the right foods in order to avoid being tempted by the "oh I don't have any fruit so I'll eat this block of chocolate" syndrome.

Lots of women have low self-esteem issues, and those can be complex and thorny. But guess what THE best cure for that is? ACCOMPLISHMENT, and recognizing your accomplishment. The only way you will start believing in yourself is by doing things to be proud of, that you will recognize to yourself. I'm sure you've accomplished a lot in your life, but you're so down on yourself that you refuse to even see it, and that is the main thing that stands in your way, that's why that voice is so loud. Trust me, if you continue to say all the horrible things about yourself that you currently do, you will only continue to wallow in your unhappiness and see yourself as a victim or as some kind of sad helpless freak. We are no different than you. We aren't superwomen, we're not special. Many of us have self-esteem issues, emotional eating issues, childish impulses, etc. We are just a group of people who MADE UP OUR MINDS that we were going to do what needed to be done rather than continuing to talk about how unhappy we were while living the way we've always lived. We decided that we wanted the end result MORE than we wanted to give in to every food impulse that flitted across our brain. The voices that say "Let's have dessert" and "Let's skip the gym today" are still in my head. They did not go away, and they probably never will. What's different is that the voice that says, "Oh don't be silly" has gotten MUCH stronger. It took time, but I had to give it a chance to grow. And I gave it a chance to grow by simply gritting my teeth and doing the right thing out of sheer determination.

You are caught in a cycle. You are waiting for lightening to strike and to "motivate" you and magically make you change. Ain't gonna happen. You have to first start doing the things you should do, whether or not you feel like it, even though it makes you angry and rebellious and jealous and whatever. Just. Do. It. Then, when you do it, pat yourself on the back. When you decide to (a) stop talking about yourself negatively and (b) do what is NEEDED rather than what you WANT, then you'll be on the right track. There really is no such thing as motivation, in the way most people want it. What there is is DETERMINATION.

justjodi
01-08-2005, 05:06 PM
BRAVO!!!! that is it exactly!! this is prolly the most sound dieting advice anyone could ever get!
alicat~ read back through again and again really, this is IT we can all do this!! you need to find what works for you and not leave any room for excuses. make one small change at a time if that is what it takes. the big picture is too much for most of us to take in. find one small thing and change it. when you have that mastered then pick one more and change it. life is all about choices, you can choose to think you will be like this forever if you want to. you can also choose to take responsibilty and make healthy changes in your life, it is all up to you. planning is key! journaling is helpful, small goals leave you little room for failure. there is no magic pill or fad. it is all about daily choices. good luck!! you can do this!!

niksa
01-08-2005, 07:10 PM
Hey Ali_Cat - are you a college student? You mentioned a gym on campus, so I am assuming. I'm in college also. :D It's hard for big people on campus, isn't it? The campus I go to seems to have only a few big people and a ton of very thin or regular sized students. It makes using the student gym discouraging, because you go in there and see a person who has been on a machine for 30 minutes without looking the slightest bit exhausted just give you this "look" when your face gets all red and sweaty after a few minutes. Plus, with all the junk food on campus available... well, it's tough.

I guess one thing I can suggest to you is to use your George Foreman's to the fullest. Get some Pam spray. Chop up some vegies and spray them a bit with the Pam. You can put them on the grill and they'll brown nicely. I made some mushrooms with my chicken breast like this for lunch. :) Some people may think this isn't the proper way to cook vegies, but well, you wouldn't believe the things I've seen people try to cook in a george foreman's in dorm life. :P

If you haven't already, switch from regular cola to diet. Try to eat one more fruit and vegetable serving than you regularly eat (even if this means one total). Try to get a wok or a portable stove/grill that can be plugged in. Stop eating fast food, or at least stop eating it every day, and if you DO eat it, get the healthiest thing on the menu (like a subway :) ). When I stopped eating fast food and didn't diet (just flat out stopped eating it, and kept on eating home made fried food and junk) I still lost about 10 lbs. Get Healthy Choice/Smart Ones/Lean Cuisine frozen dinners and have those when you don't want to cook - most include a side dish of vegies. :) Get some water bottles and if you hate the "nothingness" of water like I do, open up each bottle right when you get home and add lemonade or tea crystal lite to them, then stick them in the fridge. I have little 11 oz Nestle bottles, and it's a lot easier to "commit" to. ;)

Basically, you need to do like everyone else is saying and just take it one thing at a time. You just need to reduce your daily intake of calories by 250-500 to see a tiny bit of weight loss each week. Just focus on changing one or two things at a time. Put the scale away and don't weigh yourself for a month. Just work on adding water, removing fast food and junk food, and adding in healthier choices.

Now, it's important to mention that you aren't perfect. You will mess up and be stuck in a party for 6 hours with no way to get any "good" food, and have to eat pizza or something. Try to pick your best option (like a thin crust cheese) and then get back on the road as soon as you get home. Try to keep small snacks on you at all times, like those 100-calorie Nabisco bags.

Go to google and type in "ask the dietician" and you will find a site that has a really neat function that analyzes your weight. If you can't find it, let me know and I can PM you the address. It gives you a print out of how many calories you need to burn to lose about 2 pounds a week, and it's pretty nice. Then look up "calories per hour" on google to find another site with even more info. I've found these to be invaluable. I use those for nutritional reference and 3FC for support and guidance. :D

lucky
01-11-2005, 02:35 PM
Oh, boy, do I know how you feel. I suspect everyone whose ever lost weight does.

Something that worked for me getting started was that I didn't tell anyone that I was trying to lose weight until I'd gained a little confidence in my ability to succeed. Obviously, a forum like this is the exception to that rule. But it worked for me first of all, because if nobody knows about my plan, they can't sabotage it (I don't think anyone MEANS to do this, but sometimes they inadvertently do). Second, if I had a slight lapse - it could have been as small as one cookie - I felt like a complete failure and thought that people who knew I was trying to lose weight would look at me as a failure too. Of course, now I know that was silly but it is how I felt at the time. It was much easier to get myself back on track if I didn't have to worry about being judged for being off track to begin with. And finally, forget the gyms for now. They are just too intimidating. You don't need any fancy shmancy equipment to get plenty of exercise. Remember good old marching in place? Or, how about jumping jacks? Lord knows, I've danced around my house like a complete idiot but it raised my heart rate just as well as a stairmaster. And the best part? Nobody saw me doing it so I couldn't use the excuse of, again, worrying that other people were judging me. But, pretty soon I was doing well on my plan, felt more confidence in myself and could go to the gym without giving a hoot about what anyone else there thought. And it wasn't because I was thin at the time (I wasn't) it was because I had succeded, felt good about my accomplishments and finally felt that I had just as much right to be there as each and every one of the skinny minnie's.

I think you will be surprised if you just bite the bullet and ALLOW yourself to make the changes that you need to. You will feel better about yourself in no time and it won't because you are getting thin. It will be because you are proud of yourself and the positive changes you've made.

Good luck!