Hi all: I'm desperate for a little support with a problem I have. The problem is my husband. He sabotages my diet left and right. The only time I have success is when he's on a diet too. I've tried reasoning with him, pleading, cajoling. Don't suggest I trade him in, he has so many good qualities. I don't know if he just likes to eat with me or if he's somehow threatened if I lose weight. I've tried everything except resorting to trickery. How about some suggestions for trickery? A couple of times I've even thrown out what he brought me when he turned his back. I'm the kind of person who can stick to her diet IF the food isn't staring me right in the face. When it's in the house or sitting right in front of me, forget it! Help!!!! Please!!!!
12-11-2004, 02:01 AM
what exactly does he do?? is he buying you crappy foods??? grrr.... he is supposed to be supportive!! hmm... put the food out of reach... for me its out of site out of mind. or if i have to work at getting it... it gives me more time to think about it all... (if that makes sense) hehe you could always decided to do the grocery shopping and buy foods that would sabatoge his bad diet lol. (or sabatoge something he *loves* doing)nothing but good foods that hed have to cook to make instead of popping in the micro. ... have you tried just talking to him about it? im sure you have... but has he always been like this? cuz it looks like youve lost 22 lbs which is awesome.... so you must be doing something right. i am sorry to hear he is being a jerk. i hope it gets better for you!
12-11-2004, 09:23 AM
Leave his dinner warmed in the oven with a note that you went out for a salad bar and will be back in time for bed.
Start baking yummy, fattening foods so he thinks you've stopped dieting. Have him eat them with you. Just don't tell him they were made out of tofu.
Replace all your pictures in the house with those of a 700 lb woman.
12-11-2004, 09:53 AM
Those are pretty funny! At least I'm having a laugh about it! What he does is bring me lunch over to work (2 filet'o fish, large fries and a pie, or two) or go out and buy 2 big subs and bring them home. Or we'll be driving around and he'll say "I'm hungry, I'm stopping for fish and chips." I'll say I don't want any. He'll come out with a big bag of stuff and start eating in front of me and I'll say "Give me a fry." Because I'm weak when it's in front of me and he say "I bought you your own dinner." If it was just once in awhile it would be okay but it's 2-3 or even four times a week. It wrecks what I've accomplished by myself. When my mom comes up about once a month it's more of the same (she's only 92 pounds). What's with people who love you? I don't get it.
12-11-2004, 03:26 PM
i admit that i have gotten more snarky as i age, but i think i would confront them with something such as...."if you really loved me, you would be concerned about my health. my current weight is not a healthy weight, and i want to be healthy. i will lose the weight with or without your support, but i would rather have your support. if my weight loss brings up other issues or concerns for you, we need to sit down and talk about it."..............
12-11-2004, 03:54 PM
I'd do what jazzbo suggests, but you might also try getting out early for lunch, before he shows up, and go have something healthy. And if he brings something home, head straight out for your own dinner...don't even stop to smell what he brought. As for him stopping and eating grease in front of you, get a healthier selection from their menu (everyone has salads) and fill up, then taste a fry and bite of grease battered fish, but you'll be full and won't be tempted to eat a lot of it.
12-11-2004, 05:40 PM
Maybe he feels threatened by your weightloss. Many men do when their spouse decides to lose weight. Not just men but friends, sisters, brothers, parents, etc. I'm thinking he thinks a "new you" would change the relationship you have with him. I've found that people like things to stay the same. Have you tried talking to him about it? Tell him you appreciate him bringing you lunch but that it would be nice if he'd bring you something more appropriate for your diet. If he needs to lose weight too you could try to get him to eat right with you. Make it fun.... say.... whoever loses the most weight every week has to wash the dishes or vacuum or whatever.
I'm the same way BTW. If the food isn't there I'm fine, I won't go get it but man - if there's fudge in the house there won't be for long :p
12-13-2004, 12:57 AM
How about what ever he brings for you to eat....eat only half. Save the rest for another time or offer it to him.
I had lost some weight before by just cutting what I would normally eat by half rather than change everything. (of coarse I did add lots more healthier foods too, just didn't stop everything) It helps. You don't feel deprived either.
Men are strange creatures arent't they? Maybe suggest to him that you want him to join you in your efforts to get into a healthier lifestyle. And suggest going to the gym together or walking together. Let him know that you want to be healthier so you can live a long life with him and you would like him to be healthy too. Doing it together can make you closer.
Now if he's doing this because he thinks it's a way to control the situation, then that's a whole different story! (I've gone through that myself)
I hope he comes around and realizes that you're serious about all this and starts to be more supportive.
07-27-2005, 10:30 AM
I just found this website, and I'm Sooo jazzed! I'm dealing with diet sabotage issues as well. After announcing, for the umpteenth time, that I'm going on a diet, my husband went to the grocery store and brought home cookies! Not even the kind he likes, but the kind he knows I'll gobble up. Something like this happens each and every time I try to lose weight... and I really need to, as I have major health issues.
I look forward to all the advise and help this message board can give me... because its going to be tough going it alone, especially with my spousal "support."
Weight: 215 Height: 5' 10" Health problems: Kidney Transplant, family
history (maternal) diabetes & heart disease
Ideal weight: 150 - 160
07-27-2005, 12:10 PM
mine was doing this.. He is dieting along with me at home.. then doing stuff like bringing home candy.. pulling into fast food restaurants on our day off.. bringing home Pizza.. ya know.. the basic diet sabotage.. I finally had a heart to heart with him and just told him.. ya know I'm really unhappy that I'm struggling so much with my weight and I just have to have your support if I'm going to make it.. I quit waiting for him to walk with me and started going for walks alone.. I quit eating the garbage he brings home.. If he pulls into a fast food restaurant I order a healthy choice.. side salad etc. or I just sip my coffee and let him do his thing.. at first it's hard but you can do it. He is bringing home less and less.. Make sure you have healthy alternatives available.. he brings home sweets.. eat strawberries and fat free whipped cream instead.. He brings home fast food.. just don't eat it. He will get the message in time.. I also go through this at work with my office mates bringing in krispy kremes etc. I came in yesterday and someone had put a big chocolate truffle on my desk.. I gave it to the clean up guy..
You can do this with or without his support.
07-27-2005, 12:52 PM
You've gotten some great advice. I absolutley agree that you should talk to him - FIRMLY if necessary.
Short of that, you will have to stick to your guns and turn the food down. Part of a successful weight loss journey is redefining how you see food and what is "good." I KNOW that is so much easier said then done. Believe me, I used to be the worst junk food junkie ever. But, if you can just muster up the will power to refuse the food a couple of times it does get easier. As a matter of fact, I can barely stand to drive past a fast food place because that greasy smell is gross to me now.
There is an emotional element to this situation because it is your husband who is tempting you and that may make it harder. But, you are going to face plenty of other temptations in restaraunts, parties, picnics, lunch meetings, etc. So learning to say no despite a watering mouth is going to be crucial to your success.
Try always having an alternative on hand. When he drops by your work with unhealthy fare you can say, "No thanks, I'm having...". If you can do that a few times he may give up. If nothing else maybe he'll get tired of wasting all of that money!
07-27-2005, 03:58 PM
Have you tried making your own lunch to take to work? That way you'll have something healthy and good on hand when he shows up in his evil twin disguise.
07-27-2005, 04:30 PM
carla has a good idea there.. if he sees you packing a lunch everyday he will be less apt to bring you lunch.. I think too he might feel threatened by your loss.. like if you lose weight will you still want him..
07-27-2005, 05:20 PM
This is a tricksy situation. I know for a while my sweetie was sabotaging my efforts--unintentionally. We were used to eating junkie foods or using food to celebrate etc. We've talked about it and this isn't an issue anymore for me but one of the things I suggest to you is, in addition to packing your lunch and other stuff that's been suggested... propose other things he can do for you to be nice. Because, buying food for someone is a way of taking care of them (however unsupportive the choices might be) so maybe suggest NON FOOD treats that you'd like. So, you could tell him, instead of food how about roses, or it would be fantastic if you could bring me home some yummy lotion instead of fish and chips... If he tells you he is stopping by a restaurant you can ask him to bring home a salad for you, or a kid size meal. This might help. Talk with him openly as others suggested and explain that he is indeed sabotaging your efforts to be slimmer and healthier!
Ultimately it's up to you to not allow your efforts to be sabotaged. Plan ahead, take your lunch with you, eat before he gets home with fish and chips, have healthy snacks with you at all times... you can also plan ocassions when you will indulge and tell him when that time is. That way you can enjoy the less healthy options with him and avoid derailing your efforts. IT could also give you something to look forward to, a fun Date! It makes it easier sometimes to know that it's not that you'll never eat that stuff together, it's just going to be a treat rather than routine!
He can only sabotage your efforts if you allow him to. So, unfortunately the burden of responsibility is on you. If he persists in bringing home the chips, find a way to resist them. Stop thinking of it as depriving yourself of those foods. You are making healthier choices and you can refuse to let those foods control you. After a while of not eating greasy fried foods, many people lose their taste for them, I know I have. I'm not saying I don't crave fries once a month ;) but for the most part,they just taste like fried fatty fat. Yuck! LOL
Good luck !!!
07-27-2005, 08:37 PM
After announcing, for the umpteenth time, that I'm going on a diet, my husband went to the grocery store and brought home cookies! Not even the kind he likes, but the kind he knows I'll gobble up.
If a serious talk with him about your health issues (ask if he wants you around a long time or is trying to get rid of you by buying those cookies) doesn't sway him, then ruin the cookies...in front of him. Dump something goopy on them, make them trash, then...throw them in the trash. He'll get tired of throwing money away eventually.
07-27-2005, 08:57 PM
I think first of all you should try to talk to him about it but if that doesn;t work......
I have run into this problem also, he doesn't do it intentionally, but I figure if I am at all tempted when he wants to order takeout, at the very least I can order a healthier choice. For instance, the other day it was very hot here and I was in no frame of mind to cook. He wanted fried clams from our local diary bar, I always get the fried haddock sandwich w/ cheese and fries. So I looked at the menu (for the first time ever) and realized that they have a broiled fish sandwich w/no cheese, so I got that instead and it tasted great.
The other thing I do is buy him his treats that he likes and I hate! I am a rare bird. I don't really like potato chips and I don't like dips, so I always get him the low fat dips and sour cream and onion chips BLEH! If there are types of things he likes that you don't get those and maybe he will will be less apt to bring stuff home :s:
Worth a shot!
07-27-2005, 09:06 PM
I think it's a big control thing with men. I'm being harsh, but they don't feel they have as much to worry about when they have a fat wife. My X loved to complain about my weight, but as soon as I got down to looking decent, out came the "let's go out for mexican" and the mint milano cookies. And I always said I could just have a little. :-(
I think guys just get scared we'll run off with a studly cover model.
I think the honest talk is the best way. Say you'd rather have him wash the dishes than bring the fast food. But if he keeps it up, just throw the stuff out in front of him. Once they see its a waste of money, they'll stop.
07-28-2005, 01:37 PM
:gift: My husband used to try to sabatoge my efforts to lose weight. He'd eat high fat foods in front of me,to tempt me. This time around he's very supportive. I'm
thinking men may be thinking the wife will leave him for another man soon as she
becomes slender. I think men,not all I'm sure,but some fear losing their wife.
Although your husband seems to be trying to sabatoge your efforts to lose weight,
go easy on him. I don't think he really intends to sabatoge you. I think he may
be afraid of losing you. Show him love everyday,try to make him feel loved and
secure. Do something special for him everyday.
07-28-2005, 02:50 PM
Is there a way to twist it around to make it sound like you want to save money by not eat out so much? Kind of slip into the diet without telling him you're on a diet? Be really busy when he brings the lunches so you can't eat right now, but you'll do it later, "thanks honey" and then toss it when he leaves?
Or the outright confrontation-yuck-talk about it. It's so hard for me to talk about things my DH has said, but usually when I do I've found he didn't mean what he said the way I heard it.
07-28-2005, 09:55 PM
:) Is there a way to twist it around to make it sound like you want to save money by not eat out so much?
I like that idea! That's also feasible (fast food and junk food are not cheap, well, eating out in general isn't!). That's a great way to tackle the issue!
07-29-2005, 01:10 AM
I plan and pack lunches (or at least did before I quit my job) and snacks. I didn't cut out the things I loved to eat (and I do love to eat- oh boy do i!), I wrote down what I ate at all times- accurately, and if I planned to have lunch out, I had lunch at a place that had nutrition info either in store or on the web. Failing that, I split the meal in half and sometimes thirds and put the rest away for later and estimated calories/fat by going to the web to research the ingredients I knew would be in that dish. I cut fast food almost entirely out though because I have to keep my fat intake down.
Fortunately, my husband has been really supportive, but the rest of my family not so much. Basically it really does all come down to you having to be responsible for what you put in your mouth. When I am tempted by a double cheese burger or something like that, I look at the ingredients or think about how the item was prepared. Do I really want to put that in my body? Usually the answer is no, but occasionally, I will say "what the heck" and eat the dang taco or whatever. I just make sure that I eat extra veggies at dinner and less bread and meat. At family gatherings, I will have a small taste of just about everything there and then eat a salad or something for a main dish. Not to sound like I am unsympathetic, but no one can sabotage you if you don't let them. You do have the power to do this and you do have the control over what you put in your mouth. You just have to find your inspiration.
gray eyed girl
07-29-2005, 09:08 AM
What I would do is make sure that you always have a healthier alternative available to you. If he brings home a pizza, you can say "oh honey, I wish you'd asked first! I already have some healthier pizza in the freezer." If he brings home cookies, you can have a box of the 100 cal pack cookies in the cabinet. If he brings home ice cream, you can mention that you already have some fruit juice popsicles in the freezer. Bring a healthy lunch with you and as soon as he walks in the door, pull it out and eat what you brought. And every single time, repeat that you are really serious about your diet and really, really want to succeed. Hopefully, he'll get the hint and stop trying to sabotage your diet.
07-31-2005, 05:37 PM
I just found this website, and I'm Sooo jazzed! I'm dealing with diet sabotage issues as well. After announcing, for the umpteenth time, that I'm going on a diet, my husband went to the grocery store and brought home cookies! Not even the kind he likes, but the kind he knows I'll gobble up.
The only solution is to be direct and confront the people who do these things. Then set up your house rules. Tell your husband you don't want cookies in the house. Tell him if he wants cookies he has to keep them somewhere out of your line of sight.
Or make cookies which are healthier. I made myself some healthy cookies, baked 2 dozen and then froze the rest. That way my husband could have his cookies. I could also have some cookies if I wanted.
I recently finished a book The 7 Secrets of Naturally Slim People which helped me see I had labeled foods as good and bad. I have removed that label from all foods. I am free to choose what my body wants to eat, not my mind. This is the key to food cravings, overeating, bingeing, etc. When I eat what my body wants I choose healthy foods. When I eat what my mind or emotions want I don't discriminate. I use food to stuff feelings and thoughts.
I had one incident this week where I was angry. I decided to be angry and not eat until I wasn't feeling angry. This took about three hours. It was a first for me to not eat and feel at the same time. That was a very empowering time for me and finally released me from stuffing my feelings.
07-31-2005, 07:50 PM
:mad: :tantrum: :yikes: My husband is el-cheapo. He doesn't want to pay the price for the low
fat food I eat. I'd like to put his butt in a meat-grinder. He goes grocery
shopping with me,monitoring everything I put in the buggy. He trails behind
me checking the price of everything I put in the buggy. If it costs more than
$1.00 he starts raging and blubbering about being dirt poor. I can't go shopping
without him,cuz he won't give me any money. He's such a control-freak....