Losing weight can make some huge positive changes in your life, but it won't solve all problems. For example, bad jobs or bad relationships are unlikely to be better at 50 lbs lighter.
Here's a series of questions I've been pondering for a while, and I'm not sure I have any clear answers for myself. Was hoping to get some other perspectives, at least on issues where you feel comfortable sharing. Which problems did weight loss solve or not solve for you? Were there any surprises about that? What other changes have you all made in your lives since losing weight? And how do you think the skills and confidence you gained by being a successful 'loser' helped you with that?
Anne: I think losing the weight for me was all about "growing up".. even know when I go through rough times I think it's partially reacting to something by not facing it head on, but by going back to my comfortable teen/kid like reaction of eating sweet things.
So anyway since losing weight I am more confident, working at becoming less apologetic (hey my mom is english and they apologize for everything over there) and am more willing to speak my mind (still working on it though).
I think I gained all of this confidence first of all by completing a major goal that I set out for myself and in my mind reaching my potential. To me, I knew deep inside that I could be thin if I really tried and by doing that I proved it to myself.
I think I am finally letting my outgoing personality shine through more too.
I say hi to people I pass by as I run.
I look forward instead of looking down.
I look about 5 inches taller standing with a much better posture and much more confidence.
Anne – this is a great topic and something I was thinking about this morning after I posted on the other thread (the one about ‘how did you lose it?’). Because in a way – at least to me – weight loss didn’t change anything but at the same time it changed everything. I know that doesn’t make any sense , so let me see if I can explain (that’s why questions like this are so worthwhile – they force me to clarify my thinking by putting it into words).
I don’t think that, for most people, weight loss is going to solve any problems other than the fundamental one of being overweight. I agree with what you said about it not fixing bad marriages and bad jobs etc, so I cringe when I read posts from people fantasizing about their perfect lives after weight loss. Losing weight isn't going to fix your life or change who you are.
For me, losing weight didn't solve any problems, nor did I want or expect it to solve anything. I’ve been happily married for 25 years, have two wonderful children, academic and professional honors, . Everything I had wanted to do with my life, I had achieved -- except for losing the weight. I simply hated being fat and hated the fact that I couldn’t win at the one thing that I wanted to so badly.
As I expected, my life looks pretty much the same after weight loss as before (except for a lot of time at the gym ). However – and this is where it gets hard to verbalize – losing weight took a burden off me that affected EVERY aspect of my life. Every interaction that I had with other people when I was overweight was colored by MY feelings about my size. I was constantly self-conscious and continuously berating myself for my weight. This all was taking place in my head – 24/7. The never-ending monologue about being fat and I MUST lose weight, what’s wrong with me, why can’t I stick to a diet, and I’ll start tomorrow … that endless negative spiral.
That’s what’s changed for me. Losing weight took 122 physical pounds and 1,000,000 pounds of mental baggage off me. It was literally like setting down and walking away from a burden of shame and guilt and self-consciousness. And I know it's manifested in how I interact with others now - with confidence and a lot less concern about what others think of me. It's a joy to wake up every morning without that weight on my shoulders.
So even though weight loss didn’t solve any tangible problems, it changed the entire framework of my life and more importantly, how I perceive myself. And that’s why I mean by it didn’t change anything but at the same time, it changed everything.
Re-reading this, I’m not sure it's going to make sense at all to anyone but me. But it’s a terrific topic and I’m interested in how others reply (undoubtedly more articulately!).
Ive been lurking here for quite a while, I havent reached my goal, but Ive managed to keep 100lbs off for 4 yrs. I still have a ways to go, but this was such an interesting topic I thought I would sit and write
Life changes...wow. Well, I was hiding literally behind all that fat, and I have to watch because I will fall back into that habit, and before I know it, a box of hoho's are gone! #1 The first change occured when I fought back (verbally) with my then husband. When I had my head cleared and not alot of fat to hide behind, I managed to start a new fresh life. #2 I moved to a city where job opportunity was alot better than where I was. #3 Took a job that pretty much cured me from working in retail ever again it was challenging and I loved it. #4 Got remarried this summer, and I didnt need a box of hoho's to help me tell the ex about it. That was a very proud moment for me. There have been many other little things that pop up every now and then, and I realize its something very different about me that the old me would never have done.
So after reading this, I guess you could say I was trapped in a cocoon for 15 very long years.....the weight coming off makes you feel so light, and so good about yourself that you feel like your flying.
When I sit back and reflect on it, I realize its been an amazing 4 yr journey from the moment I started this. I wouldnt trade it for the world.
The biggest thing I've noticed is energy. The other day, I ran errands in a town 25 minutes away and stripped wall-paper and painted my bathroom and did the ordinary housewife things I need to do and I'm pretty sure I did abs at bedtime.
I'm pretty sure I could try quitting smoking again. I've been thinking about it alot.
All my relationships are better. I think if there was a surprize, it might be how withdrawn I'd become. Every relationship can only get better if you're actually in it. And I wasn't. Now I am.
So after reading this, I guess you could say I was trapped in a cocoon for 15 very long years.....the weight coming off makes you feel so light, and so good about yourself that you feel like your flying.
When I sit back and reflect on it, I realize its been an amazing 4 yr journey from the moment I started this. I wouldnt trade it for the world.
Robin
Robin! - that's just beautiful!
Welcome to Maintainers and please post here often! Congratulations on keeping off the 100 pounds - what a great accomplishment!
Susan - wow - you are so right:
Quote:
Every relationship can only get better if you're actually in it. And I wasn't. Now I am.
I'll bet you can beat the smoking too, now that you know how strong you really are.
I'm with Meg -- everything has changed, yet nothing has changed. I'm still the same person with the same problems. There are definitely some ways I exist in the world differently -- I go out more, I'm more likely to think of myself as APPROACHING normal, I sometimes assume that a man is looking at me in appreciation rather than horror, I enjoy thinking about clothes and makeup and getting manicures and all of that. But, I'm still about 25 pounds overweight, and still have a body that looks like a freak show under my clothes, with no funds in sight for plastic surgery. So, in a way I have the same body issues, just in a slightly different format. The good news is I'm no longer in a constant state of worry about fitting into chairs, squeezing by people, etc.
I don't have all that much more energy. I take that back ... it's true I'm no longer tired all the time, but I don't have boundless amounts of vim and vigor. I feel a bit lighter on my feet, but I don't go leaping around on clouds. I don't lumber but I don't pirouette either.
Here's the paradox about losing weight, especially a lot of weight, that I think a lot of people don't understand: It's not that losing weight changed me, but that I changed and lost weight. In fact, it's ONLY because I got some other areas of my life under control that I thought I might be successful at losing some weight. In this area I was able to set some small goals, achieve them, build on that, learn about curbing impulses, hiding from unpleasant thoughts and situations, etc. Those tools then enabled me to approach weight loss. The change came first. The weight loss was a by-product.
Meg, what you said about the putting down of your weight burden is one of the best things concerning the benefits of weight loss that I have ever read. Thank you and everyone else who have shared your personal wl experiences.
Thanks, Jan! Like Funniegrrl said, there's so much about weight loss (and maintenance) that no one understands who hasn't personally gone through it. We're members of a pretty exclusive club, whether we want to be or not, and we've even got our own language and c-r-a-z-y rituals. Sharing experiences like this is a wonderful way to connect and realize that we're not alone - that there are others out there who understand exacly how we feel and who will support us every step of the way.
I wanted to say more yesterday about what you had written, Meg, but was just too tired to elaborate.
What you said was very profound and well-said and really stuck a cord with me. Not that I identify with it, yet, but rather that is what I want to feel too. I want to put my burden down. I want to be done with it. (And, Yes, I know maintaining is not a cake walk- so to speak) Until you wrote that, I hadnt realized what a relief finishing losing was really going to be. I suspected I would be very happy and pleased, and appreciate the feeling of finishing such a long, difficult task. But I knew I would be the same person inside, that I would still be a procrastinator, love gardening, have a dark sense of humor, etc, and that most of my other problems would still be there waiting for me too. Ahh, but the burden concept...... That is something new to look forward to.
I have felt that feeling of relief of putting down a burden at various times in my life. Some burdens are small, and some are larger. I hate doing my taxes and put that off as long as possible, until I absolutely have to do them. Then when done, I feel the relief of an onerous task done - putting the mini burden down.
My mental dialogue is different than yours used to be, but it's also about being fat and frustrated about it all. Its there way too often, and has been for years and years already. And like you, I am personally happy, and have been able to accomplish in my life pretty much whatever I have put my mind to. Except finishing off this particular task. And like just about everyone else here, I could write my own book about how to do it. But like Fletcher says in Thin for Life, knowing does not equate to doing. (although thankfully I am in the 'doing' phase again).
I have lost about 50 from my high and am very pleased about that of course, but that is not nearly enough to consider myself finished and allow me to put the old burden down.
And, Yes, your message made great sense. Thanks again for writing it.
I am fairly new to maintaining, and it's going well. What feels strange: coming to terms with myself as attractive (I don't want to sound at all like I'm full of myself, but I do look good now).
When I got to goal at end of August, I had my hair straightened with that several hour Japanese bio-Ionic process. My hair had been wild/curly/frizzy for years. Other people envied it, I was sick of it. I hadn't had straight hair since I was 10 (I am 39). So there was the excitement of: Wow, my hair looks great, this is a nice change. I continued to exercise, especially the strength training. Now I am a WW Lifetimer. So I have straight, manageable hair, noticeable muscles and an overall good appearance. What's wrong with that? Well, it has raised a lot of complicated/mixed feelings in me. So many, in fact, that I am back seeing my therapist to work thru them.
Don't I have a right to feel proud of losing weight? Yes, I certainly do. Is it wrong to be proud of looking good? No, it is not. Where it feels complicated: not wanting to be valued solely for appearance, feelings about how womens' strength and intellect are diminished at the expense of valuing their outward physical appearance, just feeling strange when I get compliments for male co-workers, complicated memories of being overweight/feeling horribly unattractive as a teenager. And I only lost 15 pounds! I can only imagine that these issues are magnified for people who lost substantial weight.
What other life changes have you made?
, so let me see if I can explain (that’s why questions like this are so worthwhile – they force me to clarify my thinking by putting it into words).
). However – and this is where it gets hard to verbalize – losing weight took a burden off me that affected EVERY aspect of my life. Every interaction that I had with other people when I was overweight was colored by MY feelings about my size. I was constantly self-conscious and continuously berating myself for my weight. This all was taking place in my head – 24/7. The never-ending monologue about being fat and I MUST lose weight, what’s wrong with me, why can’t I stick to a diet, and I’ll start tomorrow … that endless negative spiral.
