Well wow. It's November. Where did my year go? My year to make goal? Where did my motivation fly off to? I won't say this year was a total write-off. Not yet anyway, but it has been a year full of so much that was NOT weight related.
I have two months to do damage control, but realistically, that's about all I can do at this point. It's not as though the end of this year will mean the end of my chance to lose weight, not at all. The new year always brings new resolve, but I just wonder how this year got away from me like it did.
This weekend was so busy, again. Horses, kids, dogs, Halloween, moving furniture, cleaning Machine's room and switching dressers - all left little time for me.
Last night, after the kids got home (they went trick or treating with their dad), Richard got an IM from a woman he works with. Apparently one of the guys he knows from work passed away over the weekend. He was very young, only 29. He had recently gone through the gastroplasty surgery. He had been losing weight and doing really well. His father had passed away recently from complications due to high weight, and he wanted to reduce his chances of dying young to to being massively overweight. No one knows, at this point, the cause of death. His doctor's visits had all been going very well, so there was no obvious cause. Richard made a comment that we just never know when something is going to happen, and I told him that I had realized that and that was precisely why I was pushing so hard to do the things I'm doing. My mother died before my dad and she could enjoy the retirement both of them had worked so hard for. The same thing happened to Richard's father. I don't want to be dying and so sad that I didn't wring every last drop of living out of my life. Maybe Richard will understand that a little bit more now?
I didn't mean to be a downer on the new month's entry. But it has given me something to think about as we start our new month. What will THIS month bring?
11-01-2004, 09:35 AM
Good Morning and Happy November.
Well I guess at this point I will say that I will just have to start practicing now for my New Years Resolution.
Well I must run and get ready for work, but I will post more tonight.
Have a great day.
11-01-2004, 11:03 AM
I don't think you were a downer, RAven. So many of us spending our time waiting for the perfect weight, job, alignment of stars, or whatever to really live. Why wait? We should be enjoying the journey, not waiting to start it. That moment may never come. You weren't a downer, you were giving some much needed perspective.
I too need some damage control. The whole episode with TOPS, plus my own personal demons, really derailed my focus. I have gained 5 pounds. I have gotten my exercise routine back. I did weights this weekend and cardio. I am going to quit the racquetball league, as my ankles have been hurting way too badly afterwards. I just need to get the food back under control. Have money, will eat. Will not have money, will splurge buy on food anyway, just to say "HA!" Anyway. Lots of work to do.
Lucky, hope thihngs are going well. Everyone else, hope to hear from you soon. And here's to a great November for all of us. Maybe we can start thinking about what we are thankful for, and ways to stay sane over the holidays. . .
11-01-2004, 01:57 PM
November is for being thankful for me.
I am thankful for the following:
A lovely family
A job with a good income
The power to control where I go with the journey of weight loss.
The last one is where I need to focus my attention. Enough of this stalling. Enough of not moving in the direction I need to. It’s time for a change.
My goals for this month are:
Weigh 210 by month’s end.
Eat within my points
Weekly (only) weigh in on Fridays
Keep up the good exercise.
I can do this because I CHOOSE to do this. December’s goal will be to weigh 199.
Lovely ladies, lets keep our goals at the forefront, no matter what type of goals you have—weight, monetary, work, etc.
11-01-2004, 06:02 PM
Ever the occasional lurker, what can I say - moving is a @#*(%$&@&$*@# - had I known this before I might have kept quiet and never tried to pursue a relocation. There is soooo much to do (have I said this before?). And now that the house is really getting spruced up, I am a bit of melancholy to actually leave it. Still hasn't fully sunk in that I'm leaving anyway tho I do dream about different aspects every night and I am quite nervous about the unknown ahead.
Our house should be going on the market next week, when I see the sign in the yard I guess I'll have to accept that we are really going forward with this.
My eating is a mess - some planned, healthy meals and some last minute on the spot, grab what you can. I'm really feeling the extra weight and all this work and moving around is not making any changes on the scale. I have winter clothes that will be tight and I'm not happy about that but I need a few more weeks before I can really focus on me again. Stop the scale at your current weight and don't let it go any further.
Jolly, I think that was a great point on focusing what we're thankful about this month - thanks for bringing it up. I'm glad that I HAVE a job, benefits are good and there are new adventures to be had. If we do get a house with a pool of our own, I will be VERY happy come next summer. And I am grateful for the support around me.
Sorry to hear about the ankles, but there's no sense in tearing yourself up in a league if you're not quite to snuff yet. Play occasional friendly games if you can and continue to get the good mix of activities that you do.
Raven, the last few months have been a tailspin of activity for you too - mostly unplanned. You have handled it with grace and finesse - settle on your priorities and don't lose sight of your dreams and goals. Sometimes we try to do everything at once, be everything to everyone and some of those things we knock ourselves out for just don't matter in the long run. I hope things settle down for you finally as we wind down the year.
Chachee - you go girl!!!! What an awesome December goal you have set for yourself. And I know you can make it - even if you are baking, cooking, sewing, organizing and gazelling all at the same time. I look at your posts and realize that I too, could be walking in your shoes if I applied myself a bit more.
One of the downers of not having an office to go to anymore is not having any place to dump off the leftover Halloween candy. We only had about 3 dozen kids, I am always afraid to run out of candy tho I should know by now that we just don't get many kids anymore. Most of the stuff I bought I don't like and I will just have to bag up the deadly M&Ms in the bottom of a bag to take to my sister's at Thanksgiving and feist them on some unsuspecting soul.
Lucky, look forward to hearing from you again. Same for Red, Hippy, Tracy and those we have lost along the way.
Don't forget to VOTE tomorrow!!!!!!!!! Take care peeps
11-01-2004, 09:16 PM
~following the lil trickle trail of m&ms.....hey worked for ET he found his way home...........visions of drill sargent raven filling her head, she quickly spins the itty bitty delecatables around. gingerly placing them back upon the path for any other weighward poster to return~
nope nope nope sassy wasnt eating them raven factory rejects....nodnodnod..... these arent even m&ms there w&ws..........look! ~laughing~
hello ladies long time......... life, what a kick in the head eh ~laughing~ good things, bad things, but in all things....... we are here .........Yay us!! just popping on to let you know that i'm back. of the 25 lbs i lost i only gained back 10. which gives me a solid see ya later bye of 15 lbs!! new years eve is just 2 months away and i soooooooo wanna look pretty in a new pretty for the new year! okies so theres some major eating fests coming up....... but i see no reason why we cant handle these like we handled the others that came up.......easter, 4th of july, birthdays, anniversries....yada yada...... and hey TURKEY is good for us! Turkey is our friend!! we can do this. i know we can ladies. i am already scouring the web for good goodies for us gals. so give me a hoot if you dont want to pollute that new, new years resolution!! ~laughing~
and with the new year comes new resolve and all things possible. its going to be a great year for me....big wonderful things happening..........2005 sassy comes alive!! before that i was living a nightmare, barely exisiting, living but having no life. without my children, for me, there was no life. BUT...this past year i have been laying a new foundation in all aspects of my life both internally and externally. and in 2005 i will see my dreams become realities once again!
i am back on the good eating track but i will be goll derned if i can get down the water........ geeeeeeeeez, who would of thought. so thats my november do.....get at least 2 liters of water daily.
i adores you ladies and its good to be back!
11-02-2004, 09:56 AM
Good morning Ladies
Just popping in quickly as I have to get ready to go to work.
Well it is so nice to see everyone back. Now we just need to hear from Hippy and Tracy.
Pop in Ladies.
Have a wonderful day.
11-02-2004, 10:21 AM
Good morning all. I want to repeat what Happy said - VOTE! No candidate is perfect, and all will promise things on the campaign trail that they can't or won't follow through on. But it is so important that we get educated on the issues, and make our voices heard. MSNBC had a wonderful site that gives a bare bones, non partisan comparison of their stands on some key issues. I really liked it.
So, here's to us. HEre's to strong, intelligent women who make the best choices for themselves.
Have a great day all.
11-02-2004, 01:04 PM
Things are going well here. Just busy and my little man is sick. Hubby leaves for Hawaii tonight, so we are rather busy.
Happy: I can only imagine what you are going through. Packing up, selling your home, lost your job and got another one, moving....geez woman, it's a miracle you still can speak in sentences. Most people tackle those issues one at a time! :)
Sassy: Welcome back! I'm so glad to see your smiling face around here. Good job on not gaining it all back. Keep us in line with Sgt Raven and we'll all be much better for it!
Lucky: Howdy and I'm glad you are popping in also!! :) How is the water intake going?
Jolly: I'm voting right after work. For once our votes in Alaska may count for something--the Senate race. We may have the final vote on if the Senate stays Republican or goes Democrat. Should be a highly contested race. It's been a nasty one anyway!
11-03-2004, 09:53 AM
Just popping in to say goodmorning.
We are packing up to move into our new house. Have to get everything ready to move the horses.
Will catch up more later when I get home.
Have a super day.
11-03-2004, 09:55 AM
Ohmygosh, Lucky! You got the farm?!? That is awesome. Congratulations. Hope your move goes smoothly. Just think of all the calories you are getting packing and moving.
11-03-2004, 01:05 PM
Yay, Lucky got the new house! Happy and Lucky both moving and starting new adventures. How very cool is that?
I emptied out all the candy from the house this morning and brought it to work. Had to wait for hubby to leave so I could do it. I don't need that temptation at home with me when I am bored!
I also gave away the chocolate turtle pie my hubby gave me last night for my birthday. The recipient was very happy to have it and I was very happy to give it away!
We got about two inches of snow last night. I went out at 4:30 this morning and shoveled. Yes, I have a snowblower, but I just didn't feel the need to crank it up for a couple of inches. Plus, I got my exercise in this morning by shoveling.
Not much else is going on.
11-03-2004, 02:22 PM
:hb: :hat: :gift: :cheers: Belated Happy Birthday to you Chachee. Kudos to you on giving away the high calorie, I don't really need it Turtle pie. :cp:
:cb: :cb: :cb: And a big congrats to you too Lucky on your new farm!
Welcome back Sassy, good to hear from you again.
Just a quick drive by here, the real estate agent is coming by tonight for us to sign all the paperwork. I guess this means I'm really committing to this move :hyper: :hyper: :hyper: My eating has been total garbage today, I think mostly because I'm nervous. Well, it's off to burn some of that off by scrubbing floors and packing.
Have a good one everybody. The sun is shining and it doesn't look half bad out there. Snow Chachee? Ahhhhhhhh :yikes:
11-03-2004, 11:29 PM
Chachee sorry that I missed your birthday. It is not listed on your profile. :gift: I hope that you had a great day. You are my hero. You gave away your pie? Wow I would not have had the willpower to do that. :hungry: I would have eaten it. More than my share probably had it been here. :cheer:
Happy have you had a chance to look for a house to move into yet? Or will you wait until after the holidays. Hope it all goes well with the real estate agent tonight. We are of course only moving 12 miles away, so your move will be much more of an adventure.
Jolly hope that you are feeling better today. So have you had a chance to go out riding at all lately?
Red I am so sorry that I forgot to say hi to you in my last post. I sure hope that everything is going ok for you.
Raven how are you doing? Have you found a new place for your horses? We probably have room for 3 more. :rofl: I would love to have them. Its only a little ways from where you are now. I am just so witty today arn't I? We actually only have 4.5 acres so we don't have alot of room.
Hi Sassy how goes it today?
Well the kids rode in a horse show on the weekend. Cole placed 4rth in his costume on a lead line class and Kristi got 1 3rd place, 5 2nd place, and 1 1st place. In the last class there was only 2 of them competing, so the judges were trying to think of a safe way to make the course a little harder. So then they came up with the girls had to do the first round on their own horse, then switch horses and do the second round on the other horse. The other horse is a 15 year old trained show horse. Kristi's is not. Though guess what horse Kristi figures we should buy now! Well I hope everyone had a great day.
11-04-2004, 10:14 AM
Hey all. Real quick message. I have a sick client home today who needs watching.
Lucky, congrats on the farm and the show. I have to admit to a bit of jealousy. Though, you say you have some room? After the election this week, maybe Canada isn't such a bad idea. Will wait and see.
Chachee, a very happy birthday to you. I am sorry I missed it. I still don't know how you find out birthdays. But I hope you had a good one. And congrats on passing up the turtle cake.
I am still stressing. Still overeating. And still suffering from acid reflux. Which is still interrupting my workouts. Ain't life grand. On a positive note, my horse and I are doing remarkably well. I think he has finally grasped the concept that if he just does right the first time, he gets praise and doesn't get worked until he drops. Much nicer.
Have a great day all.
11-04-2004, 06:30 PM
ok wow. sick for days. staring at a wall like a zombie sick, not the coughing head cold sick. better today, at least at work, still feel like yuck.
got the treadmill belt adjusted. I think. I'll find out this weekend when I actually use it.
I have a question. Has anyone here just gotten totally, completely, utterly TIRED of food? Tired of thinking about it, tired of eating it, tired of buying it, tired, tired, tired. Tired of trying to think of something good and inexpensive and healthy. Tired of the same stuff over and over. Tired of trying to think of new stuff. Tired of being responsible for feeding three other people. I say we go back to eating leaves. *small huff*
Chachee - It was your birthday and I missed it?? ack! *warm hug!* Happy Birthday!!! (a little late)
This has to be really quick, I'm supposed to be leaving work so I can (WHEE) go to the store. *scowl* It looks like the barn owner with whom I am boarding is going to come down to the price I want and cover the round bales. This is an amazing and wonderful thing, it means I don't have to move the horses.
I am hoping to feel well enough this weekend to start walking on the treadmill again. I promised myself I wouldn't push it very hard at all, just get my body back in the habit of moving.
More later.. or maybe tomorrow. Sooooo far behind at work! :(
11-05-2004, 04:21 PM
Raven I sure hope that you are feeling better. Yes to answer your question, I am at that point about food. Mark has been cooking because I can't even come up with ideas anymore. That will be one goal that I will look at once we move. Using the crockpot more.
Jolly when you are at the page that shows all the forum titles, scroll down to the very bottom and it shows birthdays. It didn't show Chachee's though.
Happy how did it go with the real estate agent?
Chachee how is your little guy feeling? Better I hope. When does hubby come back?
Linda I am so sorry that I forgot to say hi to you last time. How is everything going?
Sassy...come on back and say hi.
Tracy come tell us how you are doing.
Hippy hello to you also.
Red hope you can log on soon also.
Hope everyone has a great day.
11-07-2004, 03:36 PM
Quiet weekend here.
Went out and looked at the new place so that we can measure for curtains, and paint colors and stuff. 7 more days and then we can move. I am fairly excited.
Well I hope that everyone has a great weekend.
11-08-2004, 10:17 AM
Hi all. I have been very busy getting ready for my vacation this week. I have to get refocused on my eating. I have been still letting things get to me, and eating too much. Too many bouts of acid reflux. Well, I am going to enjoy this vacation. Relax. And come back recharged and ready to go.
I hope all is well with everyone, and we have a great week.
11-09-2004, 10:37 AM
Hey ladies -
Ok. It's a conspiracy. I know it. I hopped on my treadmill yesterday morning and wouldn't you know it, the belt is slipping. Needs to be retensioned badly. Of course I didn't have time to fight with it yesterday morning so I promised myself I'd do it last night. Did I? Noooooooooo. Did I wake up this morning in time to do it? NOooooooooo. I'm tired of fighting even more than my own lack of motivation. These stupid little teensy weensy speed bumps are enough to completely stop me in my tracks. It's HORRIBLE!! ARGH! Oh, and then I need another adapter jack because the one I have for the headphones is - for some flipping reason - only carrying one channel. So I only hear music in one ear. I can't cope. *twitch* Every time I solve a little problem and think "hey, I'm ready to go, yay!" *splat* I trip over another problem and land on my face. *fume*
Yes, I'm venting.
OTOH, I had a most fantastic horse weekend. Good training with Shadow not to clobber me in the head whilst hoof trimming, though it took much time and work on our part, but we made serious inroads in getting her to stand nice and quiet for having her feet done. And my Arashi was golden Sunday night for our ride. Our barnowner decided to drop the price and cover the round bales, so we can afford to stay. This is a very wonderful thing.
Now .. tonight... do I go work with horses? Or go home to adjust the treadmill (and ultimately end up sitting in front of the computer playing City of Heros instead)? Decisions, decisions.
Food is getting better. I've been pretty good at cutting out the "obligatory" desserts and after lunch treats. I'm starting to get water in again. I'm feeling much better, and things like thanksgiving seem like minor blips on the radar compared to fighting with things that need to be bought or fixed before I can get back to working out on the treadmill. *sigh* I'm getting there... I am.
11-09-2004, 01:52 PM
Sorry I've been MIA. Lots of things going on. I'll explain later...
11-09-2004, 09:28 PM
Another quick fly by....
Son starts preschool next month in the local Christian schools. We thought it would be over a year, due to the placement on the waiting list, but he got moved up. Very good!!
My grandmother is very ill and may not make it very much longer. Her iron count is down to 8. When it reaches zero, you cease to exist. She has extremely low blood pressure and appears to have some internal bleeding.
Hubby got home from Hawaii. No presents yet.
Oh, and I'm doing okay on the diet and exercise. Still haven't heard anything on the jobs, so I am guessing I didn't get either one. Oh well.
I'll write more when I have time.
11-10-2004, 11:11 AM
Chachee - Congrats on the school thing.. I really hope your son likes it. Sounds like you're buried under wayyyy too much right now. I'm not used to seeing you chopping things off like that. I hope you're ok. *warm hug*
I'm doing better. I got the treadmill belt re-tensioned and then re-aligned again. That took pretty much all the time this morning that I would normally use for working out. So tomorrow, hopefully, I'll be able to actually WORK OUT.
Last night, I took myself to the stables and did round pen work with Eve, and rode my little Arashi again. :D Good fun!! And good for me, mentally and physically.
Tonight more horse time, then hopefully to the mall to pick up contacts for V and a new stereo jack for me!
Food is still sucko. *blink* One thing at a time.
11-10-2004, 12:58 PM
Okay, I have more time now...
Raven: Yep, I'm alright. Not 100% okay, but alright. No news on my grandmother yet, but we should hear something today. My son will be attending Anchorage Christian Schools, the one at Prevo's church. I don't particularly care for him, but you can't beat his school. I was working out on my treadmill this morning and it just stopped, the belt that is. I think the motor got overheated, but I'm going to double check it tomorrow. Gosh, don't need something else going wrong.. :)
Hubby brought me back a Thomas Kincaide music box. It's numbered and signed, and it's gorgeous. Such a thoughtful gift. Plus, he brought back bags of onion and garlic macadamia nuts. Yummy!
My mental state is cloudy right now, but I am working out of it. I'm sad because my son is growing up and going to school. And that he's leaving where he is at right now, because the babysitter is incredible. But, we all grow up and I'm so lucky to be able to afford to send him to such a great school.
No news on my grandmother. Now don't think I'm horrible for saying this, but I'm not really affected by her illness. She has been truly horrible and evil to my parents the last two years, and that is after she moved in with them. When someone messes with my family, then I come out fighting. My parents were kind enough to let her in, and her nasty self made them have problems in their marriage. So, am I sad she is ill? Um, yes, because I hate that anyone gets sick. I'm also sad because my mom may lose her mom, but the fact remains she is a very mean and nasty person. If she passes on, I'll mourn the loss of a relative, but I can't say that I'll be sad. Is that horrible? Just the way I am. Yes, I do hold grudges, especially when someone messes with my parents.
We found out last night that our neighbor, who is very close with my son, is in the hospital. She's had emergency surgery for a blocked artery. Her daughter and I had a good talk and she thinks she'll come home today or tomorrow. I usually don't got a day without talking with her a couple times a day, so when I didn't see her for two days, I knew something was wrong. If you all could keep her in your prayers, I'd appreciate it.
Day off tomorrow, and I am going to the fabric store and stocking up! I plan on sewing this weekend. It's a wonderful stress reliever! (Kinda sounds like I need it, huh?)
Alright, time for work. Oh, yippy skippy!
Happy Wednesday! Enjoy your day off tomorrow, if you get one!
11-11-2004, 11:56 AM
Hey Chach - Looks like it's just you and me here. :)
Nothing against your choice on schools and all, but .. Prevo is creepy. I really, really don't like that man. But like I said, I hope your kiddo is happy with his new school, that's what is the most important thing. I hope I didn't transfer my bad treadmill karma to you. :( The music box sounds so pretty! I love music boxes. There used to be a store here that sold ONLY music boxes, all different kinds.. they were amazing and lovely. What a sweet gift. :) I don't think what you're saying about your grandmother is horrible, Chach. No more horrible than me saying I wish my father would pass away. It hurts me to say that, but in so many ways he died a year ago, and he isn't "living" he's just prolonging his dying. I can really understand you being protective of your parents, and it's very hard to tolerate someone being mean to them. *warm hug* I hope your neighbor is home soon, and gets better very quickly! You do sound stressed, yes. More than usual. I hope you have a great weekend sewing and doing all your amazing things.
I actually worked out today! Amazing. Still no stereo adapter jack, but I just made do with listening to music without headphones. I didn't do much, only 25 minutes of a brisk walk, but it's a start. It occurred to me that my lack of motivation on working out really hit hard when two things happened. My horses went lame. (All three at the same time for different reasons. That is NOT supposed to happen!) And my treadmill belt tore. That was pretty much all it took to completely and totally derail me not only from working out, but eating right and everything else.
This year has been an interesting one, full of twists and turns and unexpected happenings. What bothers me is that I let all that influence my way of life to the point that I gained weight. Am I going to do that every time life gets lifey? Something to ponder.
I have enough time at this point to (I think) at least get back down to my lowest weight this year. At least that is what I'm going to aim for. I'm really hoping that the increased exercise will have a direct impact on my thought processes and will help me to change my food choices.
It's raining today, and it's cold (oooo cold - it's in the 40s - freezing!) so working with the horses is not going to happen. Tonight will be a good night to watch Shrek 2 with the kids.
Things are weird again with Richard. *sigh* People are weird.
11-12-2004, 01:06 PM
Hello all (Raven)
Did a lot of shopping yesterday. Got all the fabric I'll probably need for the entire winter! :) They had a huge polar fleece sale, so I stocked up. Nothing like hitting a sale that is 50% off the sale prices.
I weighed in today, and am down to 225.5, which is a loss of 3.5 last week. Still up 11.5 from my lowest in July, but I am dealing with that.
Thanks for your understanding Raven about my grandma. Just one of those things. She goes in for an upper and lower GI Monday. We'll see how it goes.
Treadmill belt stopped again this morning. Grr....it's getting annoying now!
11-14-2004, 09:59 AM
Well, looks like this thread is dying a slow and painful death. I'll probably just move on over to the journals again soon.
Chach - Have you figured out if the motor is going out on your treadmill? How long have you had it? Would it still be under warranty?
I just found out that my dearest friend in Alaska was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It floored me, and I'm having a rough time right now. Laura and I met when I was pregnant with Valeska and she was pregnant with her daughter Rachel. We bothed worked for BP at the time, and V and R were born a week apart. They were like little twins, and grew up inseperable. Laura's mom isn't in the greatest health, and her dad is lost in his own vicious mental world. Her ex-husband is a total loser. She has Rachel (coming up on 16) and Robin (almost 14). She has fought so hard in her life, and it just breaks my heart. She deserves better than this. :( She's a tremendous woman, and doesn't even realize it. I'm just so heartbroken.
11-15-2004, 07:20 AM
I know I'm pretty much talking to myself but...
Two miles this morning! I had to crow. I did intervals again. And I did 2 miles in 25 minutes. Not bad for starting over. I'll sit with that this week and see what happens.
More exercise over the weekend in the form of riding bareback (trying to work on that sitting trot thing) and rasping Arashi's hooves, which wore me out completely. That boy is getting some seriously hard hooves going on!
Food is total crap. Water... needs to improve starting today. Food needs to improve too. I think I'll start working on that as well. It's been too long.
I wonder why it is that my closest friend who has just been diagnosed with MS telling me "Marian, you better live while you can." to get my *** in gear. *heavy sigh*
11-15-2004, 12:56 PM
Hey to Raven, since we are the only ones here lately.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That is heartbreaking and I totally feel for you. Really brings it to light that we must live each day as it's out last, huh? I'll keep her and you in my prayers.
Didn't do much this weekend, but did get caught up on the sewing and did some other craft stuff. Put up the sewing machine until after the holidays, so I can concentrate on other things.
I believe the treadmill motor is going bad, so I pulled out my receipt. I have a 90 day return policy for it, so I am just going to exchange it here locally. It was purchased September 24th. I'm well within my 90 days. Just a pain in the butt to get it back over there. Good thing I kept the box, huh?
Well, last full week without company. Hubby's family gets here next week for two weeks.
Happy Monday, and hope the others find their way back.
11-15-2004, 06:26 PM
It's been nuts here. I'm barely home and when I am I have to rush out because someone is showing the house. Good news is that it's getting shown alot 2 to 3 times a day, bad news is that it's such a hassle picking up and leaving all the time. I hope to have a stretch of quiet time tonight to do a proper post. Take care chickies...
11-16-2004, 07:29 AM
Hey Chach - Thank you for the kind words. I did talk to her for a long time, and we laughed together. It's frightening, that something can hit so unexpectedly. I know it's not an immediate death sentence for her, and I know people have managed to survive not only MS but much worse for very long times. It means a lot of changes for her, a lot less independence. I think that's the most frightening part.
Did your grandmother have the tests done yesterday?
I thought that treadmill was new. That's rotten that the motor would go out so soon!! I'm a little worried about the motor in mine, but .. .it's ancient! I'm really lucky it's held up as well as it has for so long.
This is the first holiday season we have to worry about anyone but our little unit.. and it's already causing consternation in the ranks. :lol: Richard is all grumbly about having my ex and his gf over for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't make an issue about it if he had his own place, but right now he's living in one of those extended stay places, and geez... com'on, it's THANKSGIVING!! :rolleyes: Some people get a little to wrapped up in their own little worlds sometimes.
Happy!! Glad to hear you're still kicking! Feeble as it may be! ;) I know this must be hectic as all get out for you, but good to know the house is showing! Hope everything else is going ok!
Well, I was going to do pilates this morning because I thought my daughter was going to be using the treadmill, but she decided she's going to do it at night. Ok. So, the lure of the treadmill won out, and I did another two miles. I managed one 2 minute run (jog) interval, and then did a few at the end with 1 minute walk, 1 minute run instead of the 2 minute walk. So small progress for my second day. I'm happy. Did my 2 miles in about 24 minutes this time, so cut about a minute off my time. Now I'm just sweating all over the desk.
Food was better yesterday, not perfect. I didn't avoid the M&Ms after lunch. I didn't avoid the chocolate after dinner. All in all though, much better than I have been doing. I didn't get the 4 bottles of water in that I wanted, but I got 3. Today I'll work towards 4.
And that horrifying high on the scale has dropped back to a somewhat less horrifying but still disturbing 187. My first goal is to simply lose the weight I gained and get back to my low of 172. Then I'll focus on my larger goals of getting down to 135, 5 pounds at a time. :D
11-16-2004, 12:53 PM
I think it's weird that you and I both gained back 15 pounds almost, huh? Working it off slowly, one little ounce at a time. :)
Oh, I wanted to share that I found a wonderful bread at the store yesterday. It's called "Watching my Carbs" and although I'm not really watching my carbs, one slice is 60 calories, 4 grams of fiber and only 0.5 grams of fat. It's a pretty healthy slice also. On WW it's a free item, so I'm all about that!
I'm sorry Richard is being strange. The holidays are about giving thanks and helping out those less fortunate. Maybe he'll be visited by a holiday spirit and be reminded of that fact. As if you are dying to get back together with your ex, but all men think like that. "If he comes over for dinner, she's going to sleep with him" is their mentality. My hubby is the same way! MEN!
Grandma didn't have her tests done. She's decided that she really doesn't want to know what is going on with her, and has signed a directive that no invasive procedures are to be performed on her. Basically, she told my mom that she is 87 and has lived a good life. She's ready to die. So, they will get that notarized and on file this Friday. The doc's best guess, because she can't do the procedures she wants to, is that my gram has cancer of the stomach and has internal bleeding. Can't say I wouldn't do the same thing, though.
So, here I am again, working towards the goal of being under 200 by the end of the year. I think I'll change my ticker to reflect that.
11-16-2004, 04:13 PM
Hey all. Sorry you have been lonely. I got back Saturday from my trip, but brought a bad cold with me. I haven't been up to much since. No working out. No horse. NOthing but snot, snot, and more snot. (sorry for the grossness)
I finally feel like it is breaking up. But, am still going to take it easy until it is better. If I sleep ok tonight, I will try to get to the gym tomorrow. Weights if nothing else.
Sorry to hear about all the family and friend worries you guys have been having. I hear you, Raven, on worrying if this is always goign to be the response when life gets "lifey." I worry about that too. But, look at all the patterns you have changed. It takes time and baby steps. I think with a lot of practise and effort, we can change that pattern too.
Take it easy all. Celebrate the victories.
11-17-2004, 11:20 AM
Jolly - Welcome Back!! I'm sorry to hear you're still feeling crappy... I hope it clears up soon! I know Valeska was down for a full week with an upper respiritory thing, then coughing in general and stuff for a good several days after that. Thank you for the reminder about the patterns I've changed. I needed to hear that. You're right. I told Valeska this morning that when I get discouraged about not being able to start over this time and jump on the treadmill and run like I used to, I remember back so many years ago, the year my mom died, and how completely out of shape I was, and SO overweight. It almost makes me cry now to remember back then, I decided to start using the treadmill I'd inherited from my mom. I told myself if she could do it, darn it, so could I, right? First time I got on that thing, I couldn't walk for more than about 5 minutes at 2 or 2.5 mph. The next time, I walked for 7 minutes. Then 10, etc. You're right. I've changed a lot about my life, definitely for the better. Thank you.
Chach - I've found that I really like wraps, and I use the "low carb" wraps - like you, not because of the carb issue, because of the calorie count! :lol: Whatever works, right? Men are odd. Richard has been a little better lately. He's moody. Whoever said women are the only hormonal ones had a screw loose. ;) I can certainly respect your grandmother's decision. It's one I hope I never have to make, but .. sometimes I think we hang around far too long for no particularly good reason. I dunno.
Pilates, yes! I finally did it. And it kicked my butt. Argh. Ohwell... just like I did last time, just keep doing it. This time I *KNOW* it gets easier, I'm not just hoping.
That was my positive. The negative was Dairy Queen (to include a blizzard) last night. :o
But I came to an important realization this morning. I was really down on myself for eating junk last night, and then I found myself trying to use it as a rationalization to not work out. You know.. the "I've already blown it, why not just forget about the working out, it's not like it's going to correct the over eating anyway." Tsk. I was perusing 3FC journals and something just made me decide to go do pilates. And then writing in my own journal, I realize that even though I THOUGHT I had them as seperate issues in my mind, I truly did not. Intertwined tightly are working out, food, and water. If one fails, the other two collapse along with it. And that's silly. They are totally seperate entities, if you will. What I eat has NOTHING to do with whether I work out. If I drink water has NOTHING to do with what I eat. Etc. If I eat poorly, that's one issue. It has no bearing on whether I should or should not work out. I suppose that seems REALLY easy to get, but it was a real revelation for me. How odd. The three things are totally independent of one another. Wow.
I think I'll go fill up my water bottle now. :D
11-17-2004, 12:58 PM
Jolly: Welcome home. Sorry you aren't feeling well. Take it easy and just concentrate on getting better!
Raven: 3 separate entities, huh? Why haven't I thought about that either? Usually when I eat badly, I've already had my water and I allow my bad eating because I exercised already. They shouldn't affect each other, but they really do, huh?! Good ramblings! We swapped out the treadmill and hubby is putting it together tonight for me. Second round!
I've really been thinking about my goals and how I keep slipping away from them. I think my goal for December (yes, I know, always thinking ahead) is going to be focused solely on exercise. I plan on walking two miles a day on the treadmill, five days a week. That will be 23 walking days, which will be 46 miles walked. If I get adventurous, I'll shoot for 50 miles, but we'll see how it goes.
I'm feeling fat this morning and need to be reminded of the end goal, not just to be happy where I am right now.
11-17-2004, 01:53 PM
Hey Y'all. My eating is actually not too bad right now. Amazing how less hungry you feel when your sinesus are blocked. I really, really, really want to get back to the gym, though. I was slipping so much the weeks before my trip. I just know I need to feel better first. So, again, if I sleep tonight, tomorrow I work out.
Wish me luck.
Have a wonderful day, all.
Ya know, since both our threads seem to be thinning, maybe we should combine for December????? Just a thought.
11-17-2004, 09:15 PM
People, I just got my computer connected!!!! I actually figured it out!! A friend GAVE me a computer!! I will be back. I've missed you all so much. :dance: :dance: :dance:
11-17-2004, 10:05 PM
Red!! How wonderful to see you again! I've missed you! You realize you have a LOT of updating to do, yes?? :D
Jolly - Just take your workouts easy, don't overdo it! I hope you're feeling better tonight!
Ok, well .. today food was much better, but work was so hectic I forgot water completely! Argh.
Had a great night working with Eve. We're working on in hand work (on the ground with only a bridle) and she's really picking it up quickly. I can see our dance getting more refined slowly but surely. :) And did as much hoof rasping as I could before I lost daylight. Was a good night!
11-18-2004, 10:10 AM
Hello! Welcome back, Red. Glad you got a computer, and hope to hear more from you. How are things going.
Raven, glad you had a good barn night. I have to get out by my boy tonight, and hope he doesn't make me pay too much for my long absence.
I finally slept last night. ONly woke up once. So, I did go to the gym this morning. I did 20 minutes of cardio, then my lower body weights. Felt good to make it back. I even hopped on the scale, and have not done too badly, considering vacation, sick, and not making it to the gym for about two weeks (and pretty sporadically before that). So it is back to business for me.
Have a great day all.
11-18-2004, 10:38 AM
Heh Raven, Jolly, thanks for the welcome backs. I got back out of bed 'cause I couldn't sleep. Too much coffee, thinking I was going to get some work done tonight, then never did and now I can't sleep. Two stories to write. Three more on the burner. Deadlines loom. Ugh. Things are more hectic than ever but seeing as today I finally got this computer hooked up and the ADSL modem that I had sitting around for over a year, I'd say I'm seeing some light in the end of the tunnel. Please, please, please, let that be true.
Raven, I can see I have some catching up to do here but hopefully I can just wing it from now on. Never been one to peruse the past posts. Feels so lurkerish! Well, gotta get some work in if I'm spending these hours up. Will catch you all on the fly. Ciao tutti!
11-18-2004, 10:56 AM
Good morning chicks! Had an odd morning - knee was really sore this morning, the only thing I can think of is that I slept on it wrong. Really, it felt fine last night. So I limited myself this morning to about 20 minutes of stretching, and called that enough. Tomorrow I'll get back into either pilates or the treadmill.
Jolly - Glad to hear you're starting to feel better, get some sleep, and that you're able to start working out again! That's great!
The food is slowly starting to come in line.. yesterday was very good, better than it has been in a long time. Yeah, the water was a bust, but ohwell. Today I grabbed a bottle of water before too much else got in the way. I also brought leftover chicken for lunch. At some point I really need to break the habit of getting a "treat" after lunch. I can feel the "need" for it diminishing day by day. Interesting how that works.
11-18-2004, 10:59 AM
Hey Red! Cross posting...
Actually I was more interested in YOUR life since you've been MIA! How is the job situation working out? How is your horse? How is your riding? How are YOU!? Valeska was so tickled that you're able to get online again! She really missed your e-mails. :D So did I.
11-18-2004, 01:03 PM
Welcome back Red!!! So nice to see your "face" around here again! Yes, updates when you have time, because we don't know what is going on in your life!! I'm so glad you are back.
Jolly: Great job on getting back to the gym. It's all coming back into focus, so I'm glad the funk is over for you. (Or at least you can see the end again!)
Raven: Sorry to hear your knee hurts. Must be a sleep thing. I was up and on the treadmill this morning for 45 minutes at 3.3 mph. Felt really good!
We need to start thinking of the new thread's name for next year. Was thinking about that the other night. Time to start getting goals together for the new year. Wow, 2004 flew by for me.
11-18-2004, 08:08 PM
I did nothing on the stories all day yesterday. I don't know. It was a kind of overload, a work paralysis. I get that way when there is just too much to do and no one to help me do it, which is the case at work these days. It's a very challenging situation because the work in itself is not interesting, interviews with company executives and such to then write publicity stories. It's a situation where I really needed to be "doing" it for someone and there is no one because so many people have quit and the man who was in charge is busy with other work. The advertising department doesn't care once they have the ads in their pockets. They're on to the next job and more often than not have made things hard for me with promises they've made the clients.
I long for the days of just doing shift work, nothing went home, boring as ****, pretty mindless, slapping headlines on stories and writing photo captions, playing with page layouts etc., this other stuff is one headache after the next with no sense of accomplishment because the finished product is nothing I'm ecstatic about. Then again, I was saying I was bored, I was saying my talents were wasted. Now that I have challenging work, I'm moaning that it's too much. It IS a lot and it's not the work I want to do, interesting interviews with inspiring people, then again maybe I have to look for that. Company execs, after all, can offer a lot of inspiration. I have to remember that most of the people I have interviewed gave me very interesting insights into things. Just because I can't use those things in a story because of the story's focus doesn't mean I shouldn't relish the interview experience for itself.. . .Must always look on how these situations are positive experiences, look for the GOLD in them thar hills!!
Ok, enough of the work details. Not that anyone wants to hear. . .
I am sitting here still procrastinating on the work. Yesterday was a total waste, except for getting my computer hooked up and online again, and that was MAJOR, so I guess it wasn't a total waste after all.
Raven, can't get out to the horse. This is more of the stress than anything, not being somewhere I want to be. But am doing all this work in order to pay the bills. If I don't get out there there's no sense in doing all this work. Have to just relish the times I CAN get out there. Try to find ways to streamline work and the inflow of money and my having the time to get out to the stable and ride.
The gym, the same thing, all the sitting around, all the stress with work, is playing severe havoc on my legs. It is a lack of exercise and nerves, poor circulation and such I think that is making my legs go numb because there was a time there when I forced myself to get to the gym and they were getting better.
All in all, I'm trying to remain positive and say things will be alright and that this is training that I have to go through in order to develop. Being able to remain calm and productive under pressure, this is something I have to work on. Now I tend to just freeze up and not do anything. Ok, enough of me.
Raven, what's with your knee? Did you hurt it somehow or is this just a chronic pain thing? I, by the way, like your turtle moving along its weight loss path down there. Where do you get these things?
Chachee, thanks for the welcome back. How have you been? I see you have a pumpkin ticker there. Looks like you're moving right along with your weight loss. How I envy you all!
Jolly, what's this, you were away from the gym? What happened? I hope it was nothing bad. Oh, I too, look forward to long sweaty workouts. I really do love to exercise and not being able to or having to do so under the gun is horrible. Onward march!!
11-19-2004, 12:25 PM
Good morning everyone :wave:
I haven't made it to the gym yet this morning. I woke up with some pretty bad lower back pain. I took some stuff for it, and am going to go after work. If it still hurts, I will do a light workout, then sit in the hot tub. hope it helps.
Eating is out of sorts - stress still, I know. Holidays coming up, worrying about money, still haven't gotten a part time job. I know, I know - blah blah blah blah blah. I need to get it sorted out, and get over it.
Have a good day all. I hope everyone feels better, more motivated, whatever.
11-19-2004, 07:29 PM
Heh jolly, sorry to hear things are rough for you too. What's this, did you lose your job that you need a parttime job too? You said "after work" so I assume you're still working. Do you just need to make more? Sorry, but because I've been out of it, I don't know what's going on with people. You can tell me about it and let off some steam. Rant on! And I hope your back feels better.
11-21-2004, 11:05 AM
Just a quick drive by. We sold our house on Friday night. 12 days on the market and we got pretty near what we wanted for it. No great fortune but enough to put down on another place. I am most glad that we are done showing it. Was a pain having to scoot out of the house 2 to 3 times a day as they were showing it. We put a bid in on a house in the new town but we could not come to an agreeable price with the seller so we dropped it. Went down last week to the new office for training. I will be working 2 jobs in 2 different offices for the first 4 months. Life is going to be many shades of hectic I'm sure.
Seems like we are all struggling a bit here. No matter what, we can't give up the fight. Seems like we have about 4 good weeks a year to get in the groove and then spend most of the time pulling ourselves up out of the trenches. Why can't things be perfect?
Hard to believe that Thanksgiving is this week already. We'll be closing the house sale and moving 2 days after Christmas if all goes well. I'm sure it will be a blur.
Have been thinking of you all and lurking when I can. I hope the threads don't die out before I can get back here on a regular basis but I did want to jump in and say hi.
Have a nice holiday this week - hope you all get an extended weekend and eat more turkey than pumpkin pie!
11-22-2004, 01:58 AM
huge hugs all around here........ ((((((((((( Raven, Cachee )))))))))) you two have gone thru such an emotional struggle this past month. (((((((( Jolly))))))) cuz your sick and its no fun being sick. (((((((((((( Red)))))))))) your back!! Yayyyyyyyyyy!! you have been missed heaps. (((((((((((( Happy )))))))) Congrats on the house selling! its a whole new world out there for you. fresh start, new begining, how often do we get to say that in life??!! not very make the most of it! and sending ((((((((((((Lucky)))))))))) a mental hug just so she knows she is thought of and cared about. oooooooo and sending (((((((((( Hippie ))))))))))) one as well, your missed too doll.......come back to the home-thread! there are others to who have come and gone that i wish good things for. but the hugs are special for you ladies, the foundation, the rocks of this thread. thru thick and thin and a lil thicker ( for at least 3 of us who gained back 15 of the original pounds we lost so far.......shhhh, a glitch i am sure...~winks n grinz~) you ladies hold a special place in my heart and i just wanted you to know how very grateful i am that your here. i look forward to sharing a new year with you, with all its trials, tribulations, and triumphs!! thread dying......bah...... cant happen, not with the friendships that have been forged here!
this past week has been goodly food and water wise, exercise mediocre comparitively speaking to where i was. i am suprised that the water has been such a struggle. i have gotten myself back to a solid litre and a half and this next week i am aiming for 2 1/4. but i am forcing it down, its like it has become my albatrose you know?? i feel like the lil guy in the dunkin doughnut commercials as i slug my way thru the apartment......."time to drink the waterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" i keep telling myself and this too shall pass.
right now inatimate objects are not my friends! my diet power program has turned on me because i have neglected it. ( and its filled in its own figures based on my past figures) and it has me below 1200 calories a day AND my projected weight loss higher then when i started this lifestyle....... so i am ignoring its figures and just being mindful of logging in what i eat and how much i excerise. sooner or later it will re-adjust itself to the "good for me" . my scale hates me too, since i have recommitted myself to this endeavour it has gone up 4 pounds! i have always had a love/ hate issue with that thingie, maybe this is it way of getting me back for kicking it under the sink. and lastly, what is the worst appliance that could break on me? ~visions of the coffepot filling her head , she retypes~ What is the 2 nd worse appliance that could break on me?? ~with the gentle glow of her puter illuminating the keys, she sighs and retypes~ What is the worst appliance that could break on me......AT this time of year??? okies nevermind...... i will tell you ~laughing~ MY OVEN!!! i have two Thanksgivings this week to cook for, and and and home-made christmas presents to make and bake and and and with my daughters big 12th birthday on the first and and and christmas coming........ this couldnt of happened at a worser time for me, financially and feastingly speaking.
its not all gloom and doom here i assure you, but its all i have time for at the moment sorry to dump and run. but i will pop back later on today to fill ya in on the good ~smiling brightly~ just like my last i have to run. ~laughing~
sassy da queen of run on sentences and other intangibles........lol
11-22-2004, 10:13 AM
Hi all. Payroll Monday, so this will also be a quick drive by posting. Red, I need a part time job because I continue to live outside my means. Plus, I am getting the Lasik eye surgery next year, so I need the extra to cover that as well. I had the test Saturday to make sure I was a good candidate. They dilated my pupils (the first time I have ever had that done). I spent the next day + walking around like Puss N Boots from "Shrek 2."
I had a good day yesterday shopping. I have been in between sizes 18 and 20 for a bit now, and every 18 I tried on yesterday fit. Was a good feeling.
I did not make the gym the last two days, however, due to not feeling well. The backache may be something more - I am checking with the doctor today.
so, have a great day and week all. Glad to hear from so many quiet voices, and hope to hear more soon :)
11-22-2004, 08:23 PM
Ugh, I'm here after an exhausting weekend of cleaning/organizing/shopping, etc. Hubby's family gets here in three days, so it was crunch time and we needed to get stuff finished.
Good news is that I did all the shopping for our dinner. Not going to be too bad. I think the worst things I have on the menu is either cheese mashed taters or the cranberry sauce. No pie--just sugar free fruit salad, sf chocolate pudding pie and a friend is making a pumpkin roll. Don't want to set myself up for failure before I even eat on that day.
Just getting ready for the Christmas party potluck now and the actual party. I have enough fabric to make blankets for each of the kids. Just a matter of getting it done. That would be able four blankets a day, and I think I can do that. I'll think about it tonight and see what I come up with.
Red: How are your legs doing? That would really concern me if mine were going numb. I'll keep you and all your situations in my thoughts. I know you are going through a lot. Thankfully, your computer is working!!
Happy: Big congrats on selling your home! That is wonderful news. Your new job(s) sound very exciting, but also very hectic. When we go back to NC for vacation next year, I think we should meet up and invite everyone else along!!
Jolly: Very exciting that you are into the 18's now. I'm so happy for you. My 16's are a bit tight right now, but that will go away in about two weeks! It makes shopping fun when you can buy new smaller sizes. Still thinking about the second job, huh?
Sassy: Oh how I love your run-on sentences....your oven broke? OH NO! What are you going to do? Happy early birthday to your daugher. Tough age! I plan on eating a lot of fruit salad, and that is about it for my desserts. Gotta get these gained back pounds gone!
Raven: Just wanted to say howdy.
Back to work for me. Making chili and cornbread tonight. Well, one slice of cornbread for me!
11-23-2004, 03:13 PM
I probably won't be posting again until Tuesday. Busy week ahead and will be off work also.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and remembers what the holiday is all about.
Don't eat too much!
11-23-2004, 04:00 PM
I just want to wish everyone a blessed holiday. Good luck with jobs, moves, and plain ol' holiday stress we all deal with. Let's keep our spirits and voices strong.
I am in the middle of a health scare. Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing more than a wake up call to keep myself and my health my top priority. But keep me in your htoughts, please. And give me a kick in the butt if I seem to be wanting to sit and wallow. I have a colonoscopy scheduled for Dec. 7th to find out why I have been having some bleeding. Joy.
Again, a blessed holiday to all.
11-24-2004, 12:52 PM
Jolly, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things turn out okay and they can figure out what is wrong and correct it. December 7th is also my 4 month post-op with my surgeon. We'll see what he says about my right underarm area.
Happy Thanksgiving. See everyone back here next Tuesday.
11-24-2004, 04:01 PM
Jolly, keeping my fingers crossed for you. . .
11-25-2004, 11:28 AM
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Wishing that everything comes out ok with the tests Jolly.
11-27-2004, 07:11 PM
Not much action on this thread these days. And I'm not helping, am I? I guess with it being the Thanksgiving time of year and all. . . diets and such are hard to think about. Well, I'm coming up for a bit of air now before another onslaught of work. Big stories to write today and tomorrow at the races. I'm learning to relish an extra hour of sleep. It feels luxurious to sleep past 6. Well, it is. Been up at 4:30 every day.
Where is everyone these days? Have you deserted for another thread, just not into the weight loss? I'm looking absolutely horrible these days. Stress coupled with little exercise, very poor eating but lots of it. I've given up, have just resigned myself to looking like **** for a while. Oh well, I'm sure this will teach me how to be tougher. . .
11-29-2004, 09:55 AM
I think everyone was just busy with the holidays, Red. What races are you writing about??
I am still wanting to lose weight. I have just let myself get totally sidetracked. That is always my big problem. I let myself get sidetracked, and go into hibernation mode. I should have a big loss next week, as I have to be on clear liquids for a day and a half. Joy. I haven't been working out, so am slowly getting back into that. And really really really need to watch my eating. Gaining weight back is not going to help anything. The truly ironic thing is that I have been so worried that this is something that is going to need treatment that might prevent me from riding my horse and working out, that I have been too depressed to ride and work out.
I am such a head case.
Well, I hope everyone had a good holiday, and drifts back here soon.
11-29-2004, 12:55 PM
Back from the holiday. Wasn't suppossed to work today, but hubby and in-laws were just going souvenier shopping, etc, so I thought I'd come in to work.
Jolly: When will you hear about your test results? I'm keeping you in my prayers.
Red: You'll find when the holidays roll around we all tend to get a little absent on the thread. Just one of those things that happens. Most of us still check in and at least read it, though.
I haven't seen my in-laws for two years, so I guess I really looked different to them. They said I looked fabulous and that I had really changed in looks. Made me feel good to have someone notice and know that what I have been doing is really working. Made me get back on the treadmill this morning for the hardest workout I've had to date on it. Time to get back into it.
Packed my salad for lunch, baked Lays chips, and some Neccos. That is for my sweet cravings.