Well, dinner didn't go so well. I told myself alllll the way there I was going to have something simple and healthy. Didn't turn out that way. I ended up having breaded shrimp and pasta for supper and also a caesar salad. Ugh, hopefully I didn't do much damage .. my last few days have been wonderful!!!!
:shrug: :stress: :blah: :dunno:
Tomorrow is a NEW day ... (thank god!)
10-05-2004, 11:18 PM
Dawn - You're right tomorrow is a new day! If it makes you feel any better, I went out for dinner as well with good intentions, i may add, but ended up having wings and pizza! :(
It can be sooo hard sometimes, I do really well for 2-3 days then a bad couple. Now, why can't all those good days just be in a row. I think we must define our triggers and stay away from eating out until things are fully under control!
Ah, my fellow canadian - let's help each other shall we?!
10-06-2004, 12:12 AM
Dawn, don't beat yourself up, just pick up right now at your last on-plan moment. Why don't you make a point of doing some extra exercise tomorrow -- even if it's just a 20 minute walk -- whatever you can. And I agree with Celina about defining the triggers -- that's important. But really, don't dwell on it too much, just pull yourself back up in the saddle again and move forward. That was then, this is now; you can't uneat it so just keep moving forward with a positive attitude and don't lose the great momentum that you've built up! You're doing great, really! Big picture, girlfriend......big picture! :grouphug: to you both. :)
10-06-2004, 12:23 AM
Ugh, I'm right there with you guys.
Did awesome the first few days of induction on the South Beach plan, got emotional over some crap with my job and wham....I totally fell off the wagon the past few days. I am so pissed at myself. I know the salty foods have made me retain water once again, so up went the scale. So the 9 pounds I dropped during week one of induction, have now turned to 2! :( I could just cry. I was so gung-ho this time to do this, I really thought this time was different. I always start and fail (I'm sure so many can relate) - but I am still not ready to give up. Tomorrow is another day, you are right. I signed up for an October exercise challenge and have yet to exercise. I did really well today, up until dinner time and then ate what the kids had for supper which was chicken fried steak, veggies and fries!
Getting this weight off is so important to me, and I also need to do it for health reasons other than the obvious ones. The problem I have had, since I was 12 (I'm 34 now) is that I am a total emotional eater!! For those of you that can relate, how did you find your way to somewhat overcome that and get through those bad times that just have you running for something sweet or salty? It drives me nuts! I'm so tired of myself looking this way and feeling like I've been hit by a bus.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm not throwing in the towel just yet, but I might strangle myself with it....:dz:
10-06-2004, 12:45 AM
Hi Texas Mom -- I dealt with emotional eating issues as well, and the way that I -- well, I won't say "stopped," but rather "redirected" them was to have all my meals and snacks pre-prepared, so if I was going to reach for something, I'd be set up already with something healthy. I had my 3 meals planned and prepared (or ready, in the case of breakfast,) as well as my mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks. I think eating small meals frequently has been key to my success -- it helps ward off blood sugar- and hunger-related vulnerabilities. If I was wanting to eat something off plan for the wrong reasons and was having trouble with it -- like at work with bagels and cream cheese (I adore bagels & cc) or brownies or cake or whatever (there's something there 3 out of 5 days a week, in addition to all the candy in everybody's cubes) I'd just MAKE myself drink a huge glass of water and take a walk around the office to clear my head. I just had to remind myself all the time that I was trying to not be fat anymore. I honestly would forget in the beginning and instinctively begin to go for it, then I'd remind myself of Beverly's (boibaby's) signature, "Never trade what you want most for what you want at the moment." It became my mantra, and really helped me so much. I would just concentrate on giving myself positive feedback in my mind when I reached for cottage cheese when others were having chips, or I was having an apple and a protein drink when they were having cookies. You can do it, but not by accident. I think you have to be just so PURPOSEFUL, particularly in the beginning. You're doing one of the hardest things to do: changing a habit. It's hard and it sure doesn't happen overnight....but it's completely possible. If you look at anyone who's lost any weight, know the following: they're not any better than you, or smarter than you, and they aren't naturally predisposed to more discipline or strength than you. And they were fat at one time, maybe obese, maybe morbidly obese. So what separates them from you? Choices. They made more positive choices than negative choices, and those conscious decisions to treat themselves lovingly and with care added up over a long time, to ultimately tip the scales in weight loss. Think about it. More positive than negative. None of us is perfect. None of us has not struggled or fallen flat on our faces and then been filled with self-loathing or disgust or shame. Or all of the above. But what separates the Losers from the Non-losers is repetition, and -- and this is just my own opinion here -- a huge amount of courage in believing again and again that weight loss is possible after all.
You can do it. You have it in you. You may not own the last moment, but you own this one. Shape it the way you want it to be. Build your own weight loss legacy and shape your own destiny. Be purposeful, plan, organize your food so you can more easily make the right choices -- ****, remove the choice from the equation altogether for now by knowing in advance what you're going to eat. Then, when you have some more time, experience, and positive history under your belt, you can give yourself some more leeway. I send you love and faith. If ever you need anything, feel free to post for help from this wonderful group, or PM me if you want. I know you can do it!!! :grouphug:
10-06-2004, 06:44 AM
Celina ... I'm here for ya babe! We can do this! I'm going to go for a walk today to work off what I ate! After a terrible meal I try to drink lots of water to help flush everything out .. usually makes me feel better ..... good thing is, I only drank water at supper! I avoided all pop! For that, I am proud!!! :^:
10-06-2004, 09:40 AM
Dawn, your meal wasn't ALL bad! At least you got some protein in there! Hehe, we have this thing at work where we have to say 3 nice things about something before we say anything negative. You'd be suprised at all the creative, and helpful things you can come up with! I also had a bad bad dinner last night, but bit the bullet and figured out my points for the day, and turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought! I ended up at 2 points over for my day, which is great because I seriously sat around eating candy, drinking rootbeer floats, and eating grilled cheese sandwiches! The important thing is to keep going! Just think, you've already lost 5.2 pounds since Oct 1st, thats SO SO good!! Congrats :)
10-06-2004, 09:45 AM
See Dawn - You have to look at the positives and mini accomplishments... like ordering water with a nice dinner! :bravo: You did well hun! And again, todays a new day.. So lets aim for a "perfect" one! I'll check in later tonight...
10-06-2004, 11:01 AM
Ahhh thanks guys! I don't feel sooooo bad now! I told my self I wasn't going to weigh myself everyday ( i have become addicted to the scale) but I checked this morning and it was not terrible! A good long walk should help! I see everyone who has done so well around here and I want to be there as well ... it is just hard! But I'll pull through it .. I just keep thinking about my self on a beach in the Caribbean .. I have 1 year and 4 months until then to get myself in shape and lookin' good! :cool:
10-06-2004, 11:12 AM
Let me correct myself .. I just re weighed myself for good measure .. and I have not budged! So no damage ... but no loss either .. I can live with that however, I would rather see the scale stand still then move up a pound or two! :dance: :dance: :lol:
10-06-2004, 02:17 PM
I have done the same thing many times Dawn. I tell myself all the way there that I am going to eat healthy. Somehow my mouth does not obey because when I blurt out what I want it's something unhealthy. You can do it just pick up and keep going.
10-06-2004, 02:20 PM
I agree with everyone here. If i said I hadn't fallen off plan a few times I would be a big liar! I think I saw someone had this in their sig "failure isnt falling down, it's staying down". Just stive to make the next meal better, and to get in some exercise and drink that water!! As for me, I just try to make more good choices than bad overalll.
Don't feel bad, we have all done it at one time or another
10-06-2004, 02:40 PM
Let me say that again ... amen Sarah.
PURPOSEFUL and PLANNING are the two most important words here. I talked about this in answer to your previous post about night time snacking. If you find yourself time after time falling off plan because you tried to stick to something vague like, "I will eat something light and healthy" ... well ... obviously vague commands aren't going to cut it for you.
You need a SPECIFIC plan. Spend time beforehand (and not just in the car on the way over, but before that) outlining for yourself EXACTLY what you will and will not eat. Mentally rehearse it. Think about opening the menu and seeing all that tempting food. Imagine that voice saying, "What they hey? Go ahead and order what you want -- you can always restart your diet tomorrow. One meal isn't going to hurt," etc. Imagine telling the voice to SHUT UP and don't be silly -- you are going to stick to your plan. You've eaten in enough restaurants, with other people, to know the drill -- the pitfalls, the temptations, etc. Imagine yourself ordering properly and deflecting every single temptation. In fact, if you know the restaurant or you can see their menu ahead of time (either on the web or having them fax it to you), you can decide precisely what you are going to order before you even get there. Practice saying things like, "Dressing on the side" and "Prepare that without fat, please."
Be purposeful, plan, prepare, practice. Otherwise you're just winging it every time, and you are much more likely to go off plan when you are winging it, because that's when you are at your most vulnerable.
10-06-2004, 02:47 PM
In the past 4 months or so since I started watching what I eat, I will say there hasn't been any time that I went off plan unexpectedly. I may have not planned it out so much as to say "next wednesday I will eat this" but it is a mental thing you do and say "do you want to go off plan and eat this? what are the reasons? will you go right back on plan if you do eat it?" and then I make my choice.
I have planned eating out and said "I will eat the best I can" and I've also said "I know it isn't completely bad but it isn't really on my plan either, but I'll do it". Other times I tell myself and others that it isn't worth it to me to go off my eating plan and sometimes I want a taste of something so I will and if it is a rarity, then I don't see much harm in that. This way has given me little to no guilt about my eating but I will say sometimes I think "damn if I hadn't eaten that, wonder if the scale would've moved more" but it was my choice and I can't have any regrets about that.
So basically what I am saying is if you go off plan, don't worry too much but talk yourself through it. If you do it, accept it and promise yourself to go right back on plan. Don't be boggled down with guilt, that one meal isn't going to keep you fat forever, it is a cumulation of the choices you make.
10-06-2004, 03:21 PM
I want to reiterate what everybody else has been saying. The hardest part for me was when I was first getting started eating better, because I kept feeling like, "that's it... I've blown it. I'm off-plan for good now." But that's definitely the kind of thinking that got me fat in the first place, so I have tried this time to say, "Pfft. In my lifetime of healthy eating, it's not the end of the world." The key is to make a better choice the next time, and an even better one the time after that. After you've been at this a while, I think it will scare you a little less.
Adjustment is key, too! I like the fact that you immediately thought about going on a walk. I've been around skinny people at my work lately, and I've noticed that they have a longer-term view of healthy behavior than I used to have. They may splurge at dinner, but then they'll eat smaller meals the next day and/or get some extra exercise.
Remind yourself that it's about the long view. I know you can do this.
10-06-2004, 03:55 PM
I believe that the Purpose/Planning factor is more critical for some of us than for others -- and that the necessity for it can change at any point one way or another as we move through the different phases of loss and maintenance.
When I started "Failure is Not an Option" was a sort of internal theme song for me, and so I did everything I could to make that possible for myself. For me, that involved the removal of choice from the eating equation through planning. Every morning, I had 5 meals/snacks prepared and ready to go, and I had a corresponding list of what I was going to eat throughout the day ready for me to check off and then enter into my Diet Power software for food logging (and more.) For some, like maybe Nelie, this (or parts of it) would be unnecessary. But for me, just starting out, this was critical. It not only kept me on track by removing the possibility of a "Plan B," it was motivating and satisfying to see the plan, see that I was sticking to it, have them to refer back to when I was feeling like I wasn't giving it my all or trying hard enough. And you better believe that when I was presented with the enormous temptations at work and at home, I would pull that list out and love it like a lifeline. It helped me to build confidence in my ability to make the right decision, it kept me in control, and it played a critical role in the profound change in how I view food now and its role in my life.
I stopped using or needing that list long ago, but I ABSOLUTELY still prepare my lunches in advance, and make sure that I always have all my healthy, on-plan staples on hand for my breakfasts, 3 snacks, and dinner. And I know that I can always tighten the reins at any point if need be.
I'm sure that Nelie is not alone in her ability to maintain her resolve without meal-planning, but my heart breaks a little sometimes when I hear of folks who repeatedly fall off plan but don't seem to have put a plan in place. Without planning and single-minded purpose I'd have been lost. That whole, "Begin with the end in mind" thing, you know? Heaven knows what works for me might not work for someone else and vice versa -- takes all kinds, right? -- but I feel compelled to share my experience in the hopes that it might help someone who needs it. :goodvibes
10-06-2004, 04:30 PM
Oh Sarah, I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't plan my meals. I am constantly planning my food and meals. I of course am a procrastinator so it happens the morning of ;) If it is a day I have time, I plan what I am going to cook, I always make sure I have supplies for healthy food so that I'm never caught off guard and I make my meals every day. In the morning (depending what day it is), I make 3-5 mini meals that will get me through the parts of the day that I won't be home. I also though plan for occassions that I will go off of my plan. I plan for meals out with friends/coworkers and other such events and whether or not I will keep following my diet plan or not during those events.
Seriously, I don't think I could've lost the weight I have if I hadn't put a lot of effort in planning. I do believe "Failure to plan is a plan for failure" but also if you go off track on your planning once in a while, I wouldn't think it is the end of the world.
10-06-2004, 05:00 PM
TexasMom, I have to say that although I've lost 79 lbs., I still have emotional eating problems. When I am in pain physically, which is too much of the time anymore, I reach for food to medicate myself. The good part is, I don't do it all the time, and I don't do it for other emotions like stress, anger, all the usual ones I used to eat for. And after I've eaten unwisely, I spend a few minutes beating myself up, then I start right back in again on healthy eating. The part I have to realize is that I don't do it as often as I used to, and I don't choose foods that are totally unhealthy (i.e., I don't buy a bag of cookies or chips and eat them all). I've also developed a strategy that works for me when I find myself sliding down into the abyss of daily overeating. I make a contract with myself that I will be totally on plan for X number of weeks. For me, the monthly challenge helps because I like to win, and if I can't win, I like to at least be in the top 5.
While I would like to say I don't eat emotionally at all and that things will magically get better, I can't. The only thing I know for sure is that the "quality" of my emotional eating has changed in the past two years. I have to look on that as a positive change.
I hope this isn't a downer. Frankly, I'd love to have the magic bullet that makes me not want to emotionally eat, but I don't think there is any. We just have to look deep inside ourselves, find out what's most important to us, and be willing to pick ourselves up after our mistakes and not quit. It's taken me almost two years to lose 79 lbs.--quite the snail's pace. But I'm sticking with it despite the setbacks, and I know that you can, too. :)
10-06-2004, 05:03 PM
Ahhhhhh, gotcha! I'd forgotten about that "Failure to plan" quote -- I am all ABOUT that too! Alright, you make it unanimous then. There's definitely a recurring theme with the whole planning thing; at this moment, I can't think of a single person who's successfully losing a lot of weight that isn't purposeful and planful in their approach. So it's not only good in theory, it's effective in practice!
And I couldn't agree more that it's not the end of the world if you go off plan once in a while. (And I too do the planned off-plan treatskies, incorporating into the plan either a reduction in calories before or after or an increase in exercise. Nothing in this life is free anymore, sadly. :lol: )
I should have known you were a planner, Nelie. :dizzy:
10-06-2004, 05:09 PM
I believe strongly in forgiving yourself for lapses, and learning to have small indulgences without diving into depression, and all the rest of it. But, like Sarah, if I had not spent the first YEAR of my currently 3-year program doing exactly what we have both described, I would not have made it at all. When you have overeating habits so deeply ingrained, and when you have certain personality traits, this planning, visualization, "failure is not an option" mindset is a crucial part of retraining. The ONLY way I could experience success at first was to work that hard and plan that hard. For a year I spent part of the evening planning, preparing, and packing my food for the next day. When the next day came I was mentally and logistically prepared for the day. When I did have an unexpected challlenge, I drew on my previous successes and accomplishments as best I could (sometimes failing miserably), then spent some time afterwards analyzing and planning for the next time. Every success AND every failure adds to your toolbelt if you approach this in a conscious, awake fashion.
I could never have gone through the motions making vague promises to yourself to "do better" and get where I am. Being strict with myself and spending all that time thinking and planning and doing mental and practical preparation PAID OFF. Now I can go out to eat and choose wisely without thinking too hard about it most of the time. Now I can quickly pull together my lunch bucket in about 90 seconds before I head out the door. Now I can quickly assess a potluck at work and make decisions about how I can accomodate a few indulgences. But you know what? THere are still times I feel vulnerable, and I will go back to my more elaborate methods. We had a dept picnic last week and I had an idea that most of the food would not only be high-cal, but not very good. Yet, I felt temptation lurking around the corner. So I spent some time in the days leading up to it talking to myself. I would have one hamburger and take a piece of fruit, and that was IT. It would not even look at the dessert table. I reminded myself that I did not even want their store-bought potato salad. Etc. There have even been times where I decided that throwing myself in the path of temptation with convenience-food offerings at the monthly potluck just wasn't worth it, and I skipped it altogether.
I go out to eat fairly often now. I don't stress about unexpected food situations most of the time. I don't always stick to the letter of my program. But, I've learned to BALANCE those SLIGHTLY indulgent meals into the rest of my week. I try to make sure that if I am going to have a treat, it's something I can do in moderation (and not be a trigger) and it's something I feel is WORTH it. Even if I do overdo it, I don't feel guilty because I spent a year or more reshaping my all-or-nothing thinking and understanding my trigger foods and situations. I know there are foods I just can't sample without overdoing it, and I've learned that I can be perfectly happy eating sparingly and still enjoy an outing. I have the confidence and success of sticking to a program and continuing to lose over the last three years. I, personally, would NEVER have gotten there if I had not spent all that time re-building my attitude and habits from the ground up.
Think of it this way: When you join the military, the whole purpose of boot camp is not only to develop physical skills but to break down your way of thinking about thing and building you back up in the military's image so that you are not just a person, you are a soldier. For many of us, we have to approach at least the beginning stages of weight loss as a boot camp. Establish your priorities and commit yourself to changing EVERYTHING about how you live and think to rebuild yourself as a person with healthy habits. For those of you who can lose weight and keep it off with the "baby step" method, hooray. But, there are those of us for whom that would never, and did never, work.
10-07-2004, 01:15 PM
Funniegrrl, yet another excellent post from you. How much weight have you lost again? Like 140 pounds or something? People, she knows whereof she speaks!
For those who might read this and say, "Whoa, that's grim, that sounds so serious and, well, GRIM..." to you I say, yes it IS rather grim. Neither is it a picnic planning your meals every day and preparing countless meals in advance...and then actually eating them instead of all the fun, easy-to-access stuff that could potentially kill you. But what's a far sight MORE grim is diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and death. Losing weight is no joke when you're obese or morbidly obese. We applaud the efforts of those who make their way down from those high numbers, and we consider them amazing and just so motivated. Well the day-to-day for many is full of exactly what funniegrrl and I described. It's not rocket science, but the reality is that it's hard work, and it's repetitious, and in many respects it's like having another job. You have to possess an enormous amount of determination and self-love to make a change in your life this profound. The weight doesn't exactly fall off by accident, or as a result of unspecific commitments made to yourself while in a state of regret.
I try not to post super-serious stuff here because it's just not always interesting, or welcome, or appropriate. But I really believe this topic is so important to communicate, and I just really feel like I need to underscore funniegrrl's words and message. I defer to her greater experience and success.....but I stand right next to her in believing that this kind of single-minded "boot camp" determination makes or breaks success for so many of us.
Best to everyone here, however you're doing it. :goodvibes
10-07-2004, 01:53 PM
Thanks for the confirmation, Sarah! As for my weight loss, I crossed the 150 mark just this week -- from 339 to my current 188ish. I am confident I can lose 10 more, and I may go for 10 more after that. As I said, it's taken me over three years so far, and it's not been a picnic (pun only slightly intended). But, I finally realized that I had to change from the inside out if I wanted to lose any weight and keep it off, and that meant doing things differently than I had before, either in my "fat" life or in previous weight-loss attempts.
I've always been overweight, but in the last 10 years I'd gotten into some REALLY bad habits. Stressful jobs with long long hours led to a life with zero movement other than car to door and back again. I also ate nearly every meal at a restaurant, drive-through, carry out, delivery, etc. I lived a life of "What do I feel like?" rather than "What do I need?" When I did cook -- which I enjoy -- it was all indulgent treats. Two platters of microwave nachos might be dinner. Or, I'd spend all weekend baking and cooking elaborate meals & desserts. But, most of the time, I used food as reward, comfort, relaxation, entertainment, everything. And, I was lazy to boot.
Doing things like packing my lunch and snacks the night before was something I realized was NECESSARY to combat these tendencies. I knew myself well enough to know that I would never get up early enough in the morning to pack the food, and then I'd head off to work with nothing and end up eating crap. I had to think long and hard about what my inclinations were and come up with ways to avoid the lazy way out. And, sometimes I just had to fight with myself and MAKE myself do things my inner child did NOT want to do. I belong to a program with weekly counseling sessions. In the past, I would have skipped meetings regularly, especially if I thought the week hadn't gone well. That would have led to more and more skipping, and finally falling off. It was SO hard to go in that first time I felt like bagging it, I desperately wanted to turn off the alarm and stay in my cozy bed. But, I screwed up everything I had and I WENT. The first time I had a long, hard day my immediate impulse when I left work was to go to a nice restaurant and have dinner. I had to fight very hard to not do that. I did not even want to try to go and have something sensible. I knew I had to BREAK that association between emotion and food, and the only way to do that was starve it off. In fact ... I started my program on Sept 9, 2001 (yup, 2 days before ...). The FIRST non-program meal I had was Thanksgiving dinner. The first restaurant meal I had was my birthday, in mid-December. I skipped a company Christmas party because I did not feel strong enough to handle the food successfully. The next non-program meal was Christmas dinner. After that, it was months before I went to a restaurant or party again. Some people may feel this is unnecessarily harsh, but I was very clear on my priorities. I was determined to do what I needed to do to be successful. I did not see it as a punishment, but as a necessary period of mental retraining and skill-building before I could face these things again.
My mantras have been these: First, "Whatever works." It didn't matter what I felt like doing. It didn't matter how silly something seemed, or how embarrassed I might be about something. Accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish was the priority, so I made up my mind to do WHATEVER that tood. Second is a quotation from Dennis Weaver, of all people: "To get what you want, STOP doing what isn't working." Whenever you find yourself saying, "But this is what I do," or "This is what I like," or whatever, ask yourself: "And how has that worked for me?" If you can go out to eat and not plan in advance and make good choices, terrific. If that doesn't work for you, though ... you can either continue to do the same thing and get the same result, or you can try something else.