Since I finally feel like I may be at the beginning of getting a handle on my overeating problem, this really struck me today. Probably not the place to post it but I haven't dove into any other parts of 3FC's yet.
Last year I met a nice man, mid 50's I'd say, who was a part of our dog training club. One day he mentioned something about having had lost a bunch of weight so I asked him about it. He was so proud, that he carried a pic with him always and showed me. He had lost 180 pounds and looked like a completely different person!
Well he was at our dog trial today, and I was shocked. He's gained probably 60 pounds, but what more, is he was non stop stuffing his face at the lunch. Without a care in the world, he just kept eating and eating, long after everyone else was done. Stuffing in multiple cinnamon buns, that no one else even touched, etc.
What happens to people that makes them decide to go back to unhealthy ways after losing such a substantial amount of weight? I am so terrified of this every happening to me, and I feel bad for using him to make a point, but I just couldn't help myself.
Any thoughts?
I think that a lot of us have emotional triggers so if you lose weight then something happens and you use food to make you feel better, then you are probably at risk of something like that happening.
Since we have a weight problem, we will always have to be vigilant about our weight. If something happens that makes us stop exercising or eating right, then we have to tell ourself that we have to get back on track as soon as possibile.
Tammy — you asked the million dollar question and I sure wish I knew the answer, but I don’t. All of us have read the dreadful statistics about weight loss and regain (some say that 95% of people who lose weight regain it). None of us set out to lose weight with the intent of regaining it — it’s hard work and we swear up and down this is it, this is forever, I'll never gain it back etc. But so many people do — why???
My personal opinion is that most people don’t realize that weight loss maintenance is hard work, probably harder than the weight loss itself. They have the unrealistic belief that once the weight is off and they’re at their goal weight, then the diet is over and they can go right back to eating and living the way they did. Or they assume that they’ll magically be transformed into “normal” people and never again have to cope with the eating issues that made them fat in the first place.
Both those attitudes can lead you right back into weight gain because 1. the diet can never be “over” and 2. all your eating issues will probably still be with you, even at goal. The time it takes to lose the weight is practice time for you to learn the tools and skills and knowledge that you’ll need to keep the weight off for the rest of your life. We all focus on reaching goal as the “end” of weight loss, when in fact, it’s only the beginning. Once you reach goal, you’ve only completed Phase One. Phase Two is the rest of your life and it lasts a whole lot longer than Phase One.
We have a Maintainers forum here at 3FC that we’d love to have you visit and post at, if you’d like (right below LWL). It’s not just for people who are at or near their goal weights — it’s really for anyone who’s thinking after life after goal. Everyone is welcome! In the weight loss world, 99.9% of the attention goes to diets and reaching goal; hardly anyone thinks about what happens the day after you reach goal — and the next and next. That’s what Maintainers is all about.
We’ve touched on your question in several threads that you might want to check out:
sounds like when people get married (so i've heard says the bachelorette). the planning, all the work, the big build up, the celebration when the day arrives and then the rest of your life. the rest of your life. now what? if your not ready for it it often falls apart.
i've lost weight before, kept it off for years or less, and gained it back slowly or quickly. i always meant to keep my eye on the ball but sometimes the sun got in my eyes and stayed there too long, blinding me to what was happening to my body, my mind.
i know people who have been able to diet the weight off quite well, successfully. but now that they realize this time will have to be a life change they can't start. it's harder this way knowing it's forever or nothing.
if you don't get at the unlying issues you're doomed. it's like one of those opportunistic disease just waiting for a moment of weakness, stress, distraction.
if you look at the changes that must be made as deprivation then you will indeed feel deprived and eventually want to satisfy your hunger both physical and metaphysical. you will be consummed by food instead of being sustained by it. you mind and body will crave that of which you already have in abundance. food ceases to be a source of joy, sensual pleasure and ultimately life, to be shared and cherished. instead, you hoard it, hide it and gorge on it and are shamed by it.
we focus on our bodies: our weight, fat percentages, inches, muscles tone, flab, dress size. but the real battle is going on in our minds and if you don't change you mind it's all a mirage and your swinging in the air. swinging in the air makes your tired and eventually you fall down and give up.
if you fall down, get up. then sit down quietly and listen to your mind. be compassionate, your mind doesn't aquiesce to ultimatums and tough love. it responds to caresses and peace.
It is a rare person who "decides" to go back to unhealthy ways. It's not that one day they wake up and say, "You know what, this being skinny and watching what I eat is boring; I think I'll go back to overeating and regain me some weight." It's like asking, "What makes an alcoholic decide to go back on the bottle?"
One aspect of overeating that is widely overlooked and dismissed is that, for many people, it's a compulsion. It is the same behavior quirk or personality chink that gets alcoholics hooked on booze, addicts on drugs. Some people overeat and gain weight because of emotional triggers, as was mentioned. Or, it's a lack of diligence, a lack of effort or will. It can be very complex. But, for me, the main reason is that I'm a compulsive overeater. I have compulsive tendencies in other areas of my life, too, and the alcoholics I know have the same issues. I don't have OCD or anything, but I do things over and over again and find it difficult to stop if there's a payoff, whatever that may be. In certain areas of my life, things have to be a certain way or I go nuts. When it comes to food, the payoff is simply the pleasure of eating. It's only been through sheer force of will that I've made myself put aside that pleasure as much as possible for a more long-term payoff. I will never ever be one of those people who can have one piece of pastry and stop without some serious internal struggle. With folks like us, once the barn door has opened, so to speak, it can be really hard to get the horses back in and shut it again.
I'm betting that something happened that caused your friend to slip, and he just wasn't able to get back on his feet afterward; the compulsion took over, and the pleasure aspect (or whatever drives his overeating) overshadowed his accomplishments.
Everyone's really hit the nail on the head - the best thing you can do now while you're losing weight is PREPARE for the maintenance phase. I know I am - once I reach goal (130ish) there will still be work to be done. There will always be strength to gain, and the work in repairing the damage done to my body by poor eating choices and a lack of exercise will take some time to undo
What you've also got to realise, and maybe you have already, is this: if you wanna keep it off for life, you've gotta eat right and exercise for life. That simple.
Man I wish I could remember where I read this ... but the overwelmingly predominant common denominator amongst folks who have lost weight and kept it off is exercise. Might have been in either a Shape magazine or Chatelaine.
So essentially you did come to ask at the right place!
Part of what I think is going to keep me going is the knowledge that besides being fattening, some things they call food are just not good for you! And I won't quickly forget how much better it feels to be active.
Great replies everyone, I'll read those other threads and post on the other one maybe tonight.
I guess the reason it struck me so hard is the fear that the same thing will happen to me. Who knows though, maybe he lost it differently (I'm directly trying to address the COE), maybe he dieted and now can't stand the thought of it. And I have no idea if he exersized or not.
I agree that it is a compulsion. I regularly liken the behaviors to that of a drug addict or alcoholic because that is the best way to describe it. But this form of addiction seems to be widely ignored by the general public, perhaps because this addiction takes longer to kill us or ruin our lives, plus, it's not illegal to eat too much!
So, I can see how easy it would be to fall back into those old habits, and one day find yourself (as well as everyone around you) wondering why and how? This is something I think about all the time. For me, it had a lot to do with just accepting the fact that I can no longer eat the way I used to if I want to live a long healthy life, and that my body needs exercise, period. I must constantly evaluate how or what I’m doing and stay in tune with my body to maintain this lifestyle because it would be sooooo easy to fall into complacency, followed quickly by those old, bad habits. I also strive to keep my maintenance as comfortable as possible. If I felt like it was a chore, I’m sure it wouldn’t last long. I absolutely love the food I eat and I refuse to eat anything I don’t like just because it may be “good for me”. Also, exercise feels good, and even though I may not always want to do it, I know that when I’m done I’m gonna feel fantastic. So I just do it, every day if possible. I had to make if part of my every day routine, like brushing my teeth, it just doesn’t feel right unless I do it. I also allow myself food indulgences, but they have to be planned. It’s the unplanned ones that get me into trouble! I knew that I would end up being resentful if I had to totally give up certain foods that I love but are really detrimental to my health if eaten in excess. So I plan “splurges” so that I can be completely satisfied, and thoroughly enjoy those foods I love, but only every once in a while.
This truly is a never ending process, and just like a marriage, it will quickly crumble unless you stay in tune, and work on it every single day.
geez bev.. you have once again hit the nail on the head.. maybe i'll tattoo that last line on my hand,,. the one that keeps reaching for chocolate!!!!
i've been watching the folks in my postop group. some are regaining, others are stable. the ones that are regaining have a couple of traits in common: they are talking about food as if it's their best friend and companion, or their reason for getting up in the morning and getting through their days. they are planning their food with loving attention and care to detail - you know the stuff: 'this will taste good with that, and i'll make them a certain way.'
or 'i haven't had this in a long time, and i deserve it.' instead of food being a pleasant part of their lives, it's the CENTER. and then they wonder why they're gaining. they're believing [some of them] that the surgery is no longer working. instead of looking at their habits [like taking a 10 minutes rest after they've really eaten enough and then starting all over, rather than getting rid of their plates - this is the reason i always have my knitting with me!!!!!], they're placing responsibility every which way.
<sigh> what are we missing that we do this to ourselves????
You know I was thinking today that a lot of people talk about rewards and I'm sure we all know about using food as a reward. I've heard a lot of talk about using something other than food as a reward for accomplishments, it is a good step. The thing is that people still want their food treats, which is fine as long as they don't send them over the edge. What I tell myself is I've been treating myself for over 20 years, I think it is time to stop treating myself.
i agree nelie. treats: it's not a treat when it happens everyday. xmas, new years, valentines day, easter, halloween, thanksgiving, other sundry holidays, not to mention birthdays, weddings, anniversaries and other sundry parties. so why is wednesday night treat time? how can it be a treat when it happens all the time?
fresh fruits and vegetables, lean cuts of meat, healthy grains and legumes. aren't these satisfying, healthy foods a pleasure to eat everyday? a little olive oil here, a little lemon juice there, some fresh herbs, a little salt. they taste good, they make you feel good. it's not complicated, you don't have to overthink it.
if it's a compulsion then maybe it's not a diet you need, you need help for the underlying issues. seriously, it's ok. i've been there for other things but it works for this too.
if it's a habit then a new habit is in order. there's a whole world of things to do, thousands of things to get interested in besides eating, collecting recipes and thinking about food.
YEAH! The best rewards are a nice piece of clothing that you couldn't have even thought about fitting into without carving away half your body , or just a nice piece of jewellery, some make up, some lovely purfume ... basically something that makes you feel good in your new body but doesn't detract from your progress!
I certainly have treats in my plan every week, but that's to keep the cravings at bay ... not as a reward
I sat down and thought about this for a while and don't have to look any furtehr than myself and my family.
Except for one sibling (I am one of four kids), we all have lost significant amounts of weight. The one who maintains it the best? My dad, he has lost 60lbs and maintains his weight, for him though he used to overeat, he doesn't any more. For him food is input in and input out. I talked to him about this yesterday before I read this post. To him, since he's diabetic, he does what his doctors ask (asides from quitting smoking, don't get me started..... I wish he'd quit though), he complies, watches what he eats, takes his blood sugar readings and walks daily.
My mom on th other hand responds to stress by eating.So she's been having a few problems over the last two years. Unfortunately she responded with food. She had had a great weight-loss of 140lbs (we were almost the same size and she was stealing my clothes ), now she's up 60 poor thing and the weight gain just seems to add to her frustration. Luckily she's seem to be getting out of her funk and her weight has started to drop again.
Me and my brotehrs keep recycling the same 20lbs or so... we are all emotional eaters. I sought professional help for it and it has worked wonders. I am not 100% with my eating (wedding+open bar+sweet table = oops ), but am getting up when I fall and not eating for hours on end for no reason any more (and on stuff like cereal, toast, dried fruit, nuts, whatever else), heck the fact I only went to the sweet table once was an accomplishment. I wouldn't say I only eat when hungry, but I am getting better.
Basically, while losing weight I'd encourage anyone to examine why they got to be overweight in the first place, if it's just about food for someone, then they can usually cut back and learn how to eat healthy like my dad. For others who use food for other reasons it takes not only a change in eating and exercise, but a change on the inside that will keep the weight off.
I have been that man, sure I only gained 20lbs-25lbs more than I should be, but I have been the unhappy person at the sweet table after I lost weight. It's not a fun position to be in.
Go eat an apple: yup, I plan treats to keep cravings at bay too. I went a little overboard this weekend (but thinking about it, I wasn't even that bad and I had planned on the fact I would probably be eating more than usual), but have been far worse, just staying around food, going back to dessert tables, now it's getting much better.
What Happens?
In the weight loss world, 99.9% of the attention goes to diets and reaching goal; hardly anyone thinks about what happens the day after you reach goal — and the next and next. That’s what Maintainers is all about.
), but am getting up when I fall and not eating for hours on end for no reason any more (and on stuff like cereal, toast, dried fruit, nuts, whatever else), heck the fact I only went to the sweet table once was an accomplishment. I wouldn't say I only eat when hungry, but I am getting better.
