I feel horrible. I just went on an eating rampage. I've been feeling sad lately, and then today I was bored so I went to Macy's to try on clothes. they didn't have my size in the section with all the cute clothes. I wear a 31 and they just had tons of 24s and 27s. I wanted to cry. I figured I would try on some shirts, and then saw my disgusting self in the 3 way mirror and I just wanted to cry. For a while I decided I would use it as motivation, but then I caved and binged. I'm talking crumb donuts, McDonalds, french bread, icecream, the works. i feel so horrible and like I am never going to get the body I want. I'm sad because I still can't fit into the clothes I was wearing about 6 months or so ago, even though I feel like I should be able to by now. I have been trying so hard and I have lost some weight, but I feel like I'm about to fall off the wagon as usual. I really don't want to though!! I want to start fresh and use the last days before I go to college to eat right and exercise. Please any encouragement will really help me now!! I don't want to give up.
09-17-2004, 10:32 PM
Hello. Honey we have all been there. DOn't give up, you deserve more than that. Have you considered joining a support group like TOPS or Weight Watchers? THeir support system may be just what you need. From what I understand, and I may be wrong, TOPS may be less expensive than WW. There is a really good book called the Thin Books, well it's 2 books in one, the first deals with self esteem and attaining success and the second part is a daily positive motivator. There is another book called Intuitive Eating. You can eat whatever you want but only when hungry and stop when full. Anyway you may want to consider reading these two. God Bless.
09-17-2004, 10:38 PM
You are not disgusting.
There is no way that a young woman who is 5'7" and weighs 143 is "fat." You may not be as thin as you were, and you may not be as thin as Britney or whoever. But, until you stop throwing these negative, hateful words on yourself, you will find it hard to break the overeating cycle. Heaping abuse on yourself doesn't "motivate" you -- as you have found out. You have to start appreciating your body for the gift it is, even if it's not your ideal size. You have to start accepting that your body is not YOU. Yes, we all want to look as attractive as we can, and there's nothing wrong with striving for that. But do it because you LOVE yourself and want to take care of this body. Do it because you want to be healthy.
The food is not the problem, the overeating and binging isn't the problem. The problem is that you are so lost in this self-hatred and feeling of failure that you can't see your way clear to a healthy life.
I'm BEGGING you -- try to get some perspective. Strive for a healthy, balanced life. Eat reasonalbe amounts of healthy food because it's GOOD for you, not because it will help you "lose weight." Exercise because your body was meant to move, and you'll be making it stronger and helping it function as it should. Find ways to deal with stress that don't involve food. Maybe it's journaling, or yoga, or gardening, or volunteering, or any one of a million things.
Trying to build and stick to a weight loss program built on self-disgust and negativity is like a house of cards. You have to do this for POSITIVE reasons, and your appearance should be only a side-effect. The question isn't, "How can I stop binging so I can lose weight?" but merely, "How can I reshape my life and my attitudes so that binging is no longer necessary."
Some people need help to get over a problem like this. Maybe counseling will help. In some cases, people who binge are actually bipolar or suffer clinical depression. We all get blue, and we all go through periods where we just want to kick our feet and scream at the unfairness of it all. That's normal. But, I hear so much self-hatred in your posts, it makes me really sad. Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Be a friend to yourself, not your own judge and jury.
09-22-2004, 05:52 PM
You sound like me. I use to do the same thing. When I got upset, I ate. When I felt blue, I ate. When I was bored, I ate. Just give me a reason and I ate. I am an emotional eater. I'm learning to not let my emotions control what goes into my mouth. When those moments come up do something else like exercise, go for walk, clean your car out...anything other than grabbing for that cookie or ice cream. I have had many times when after thinking ot myself "your fat!" I got depressed and ate everything possible. I wonder why we do this to ourselves? It is such a self-defeating behavior. Another thing is you might want to avoid fast food, I know its convenient but mostly unhealthy. I have cleaned my cabinets of all the UGLY foods and stocked up on healthy ones instead. If I want to pig out now, I eat an apple, carrots or cauliflower w/low-fat dip. You have to change the way you think about food. You have to make a lifestyle change.
I have always said food is more addictive than drugs because you have to have food to live, but not drugs. You are doing great, just hang in there! :)