Hello everyone! I have been reading on this site for a little while now, just to see if this was the place for me. In reading about your struggles, triumphs and inpirational stories, I feel I can relate so very, very well to everyone here. Forgive me while I tell my story.... ;)
I am 22 and for most of my life I was a skinny girl. I was a ballerina, thin tall, graceful, eating anything and everything I could to keep my body healthy while dancing at least 6 hours a day every day and going to school. Then I got hurt...Dreams shattered in little pieces all around me, I was told I could never dance again, I was devestated. I was still thin, and still eating whatever I wanted, I graduated high school, got a job and had a great life. I never really noticed I was getting heavier, a size 9 is no big deal, but when a few months ago you were a 4...I guess it WAS a problem... Then I was a 12, then a 16...then up and up and up. I moved to SC to be with my fiance(Now my hubby), and we got "fat" together. I am now in a size 26, and have just realized I'm fat... Let me tell ya'll what a shock that was. I just never saw it, I was in total denial. But when I went to my Dr. recently for some other health problems, he put me in my place big time... I need to lose the weight, or I'll be in serious trouble. All my family is big, my dad was at 415lbs at one point, until he got sick, and was forced to get rid of the weight, or die... My mom, bro and sis are all large too, its just the way we are... But I'm the worst. Its awful...I feel like such an ogre, I cant stop eating... I eat even when I'm not hungry, "Bored Eating" is my biggest problem. "Well, there isn't anything else to do so I'll eat these chips...the whole bag..." I have started walking on my very dusty treadmill, and am doing ok...but only 10 minutes and I feel like collapsing...Its embarassing for me to walk in our neighborhood...I'm very shy, and the thought of people laughing at me just makes my stomach turn. I need some support/help, I'm afraid if I don't change I'll end up like my Dad. My hubby tells me he loves me no matter how I look, and that he thinks I'm beautiful, and thats nice, but its not very helpful. I have tried to diet on my own before before, but he won't diet, and thats the hardest part. I'll be having a grilled chicken breast and veggies, while he eats a Big Mac and large fries. I've begged him to diet with me, but he doesn't think he has a problem, and thats ok, if he is comfortable with himself, I'm ok with it... But he doesn't realize how hard it is to be good while hes being so very, very bad... I'm sorry I went on so long...But I feel like I finally have people who will understand my struggle, and who will help me and be with me thru all the ups and downs... :)
CW: 267 (my highest)
09-14-2004, 10:42 AM
Hey there, Allison -- and welcome. I am sure you're going to find here so much support and empathy. Now as for what to do about your husband, well, you're going to have to forge ahead without him. I deal with the same thing with my partner, and the only thing I can do is aim to influence not control or coerce or even convince. They're going to do what they want to do, you know? And just as you had to come to the realization that a huge change is necessary for you, so will he.
Great job reintroducing exercising into your life -- 10 minutes is a start, and it's never embarassing to take a step when a step is all you can do. I know it must be very hard for you, looking back on your 6 hours of dance a day (I danced also, and didn't develop a weight problem until my late adulthood, so I can relate to your "transition!") Anyway, it's really hard to look back and perceive regression, but right now you've just got to look forward and take it literally one step at a time. I have likened it to having been in an accident, and learning to walk again. You're going to have to embrace the small wins, because they add up to the large achievements.
You can do it, Allison -- you know that, deep inside. Just keep setting small goals for yourself and achieving them. You're in this with your husband insofar as you love one another and have a partnership in sharing your lives and struggles with one another, but you have undertaken this path on your own, and you might have to travel down it alone for a while. Resolve, a positive attitude, and staying conscious of what you really want your life to be -- these will get you your health back, and will hopefully inspire your husband as well.
Nice to have you here, Allison -- we're all here for you. :goodvibes
09-14-2004, 11:04 AM
I'm really glad you're here! These forums really have an amazing wealth of information, support and even *fun*, so you've come to the right place.
My situation is somewhat like yours. Although I've never been super thin, my husband and I both gained about 100 pounds since we started dating 8 years ago. It's funny how once you get in a relationship, you often get complacent. And, like you, I was somewhat in denial. For years, I didn't even step on the scale, and I avoided going to the doctor for fear of having to be weighed.
Both he and I started working out together in May of this year when his job offered a really great gym deal. He started off not quite as dedicated as I -- he'd skip some days, and he didn't really change his eating habits. (Boy, do I relate to your situation. With him it's ice cream, which he would basically get several times a week!!) But get this -- once he started seeing that I was making progress on the scale and he wasn't, I think it woke him up to how the whole thing really works. Slowly, he has started to make some better choices himself, and now we've been planning healthy dinners together. And he's come to me for support when he's felt like eating a gallon of ice cream, and I've helped "talk him off the ledge."
I think some people may just rebel against having change forced upon them. If you're patient, he may just come to this point on his own like my husband has. It's hard to argue with success!
Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there. Keep up the good work, and please feel free to PM or post whenever you need support!
09-14-2004, 11:24 AM
allison.. i don't really have time to post right now, but i wanted to send you a hug. you can do this, even without hubby. he'll have to make his own decisions, just as you have to make yours.
you are doing some wonderfully positive things... don't feel bad that you can walk for only 10 minutes!!! i was bedridden and on oxygen.. .and now i'm hiking and running around like the crazy woman i really am... it all started small. literally one step at a time.
go for it!!!!
09-14-2004, 11:37 AM
Hello Allison, I'm Annie and I hope we hear more from you. You've started really well. Keep it up - you can do it.
09-14-2004, 01:11 PM
Wow!! Ya'll are fabulous! :lol: Thank you all, so much! I feel so...empowered, like I could climb mountains, or little hills to start! I know I'm going to have to go it alone, and it just bums me out ya know? And I think you are right Jennifer, my Hubby is one of those who resists forced change. I'm just so glad that I've found this site! I've been thinking about joining the Local Y here, so I can start swimming (everyone says thats a great way to shed lbs!) but again, I'm embarassed to let people see me, especially in a bathing suit, haven't even bought one of those in 3 years!! :rofl: Too funny! Anyone have any suggestions on low impact exercise?? I can't do anything with weights because of a problem with my shoulder, so that leaves a lot out! And, just a little pat on my own back - I've already had 4 glasses of water today, and no junkies!! Whooo! :D
09-14-2004, 01:20 PM
Allison, I'm enjoying Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds power walking tapes. You have the option of using hand weights, but they're NOT required, so you wouldn't have to bother your shoulder. They're great for all different levels of fitness, and they're low impact aerobic walking. They're very popular; I resisted buying them for a long time for some crazy reason. (Resistance to peer pressure? Not wanting to be a joiner? Who knows?) Anyway, I'm very glad I finally gave in and got a couple of her DVD's, because they're excellent! Google her and see what you come up with. You said that you can walk for 10 minutes on the treadmill at this point; well her walks come in 1-4 mile intervals, so you can just build your endurance. She's knowledgeable, real, and is very accessible. A few of us here like her -- and of course, we're the smartest and most astute members of the group...... ;) (Serious nod to Gretchen, Howie, and Heather here...) :yes:
09-14-2004, 02:04 PM
Just another quick thing...
I would STRONGLY suggest joining the Y! Since I began well over 100 pounds overweight, believe me, I know how embarrassing it is to first begin exercising. I live in New York city, where it seems everyone in my neighborhood looks like (or is!) a model, so I thought it would be terrible. But I realized my first day there that nobody really gave a damn what I was doing! I think everybody feels vulnerable there, so people make a special effort to keep to themselves (at least at my gym). Plus, the Y is even less threatening.
I find that going to a gym is a great way for me to add structure to my exercise. In the past, I would *try* to walk or do an exercise video, but I never really codified it into my daily routine. I know some people have had success that way, but for me, being able to say "this is where I go to exercise every day" has been really helpful.
After never having been athletic my whole life (I was the kid about third from the last in gym class), I NEVER thought I would say this, but I LOVE exercising. When I can't, I get cranky. It's clearly what has differentiated this weight-loss attempt from my million others. So whatever kind of exercise you choose, I wholeheartedly recommend it!
Just my two cents. Keep up the good work!!!!
09-14-2004, 02:07 PM
Jennifer, you teapot, it's so good to have you back!! :)
09-14-2004, 02:11 PM
Your story really had me captured. I am so pleased that you decided to join our group. This bunch of people WILL help you succeed by providing you with motivation, positive attitudes and a kick in the rear when needed. TRUE FRIENDS HERE..
I know it might seem like you have so far to go. Take it one day at a time and before you even realize it, you’ll be well on your way to success. You’re already on your way to success!! The first and hardest step is recognizing the issue and you’ve already done that!
Please do not hesitate to ask ANY question, ask for help if you need it, feel free to cry on our shoulders, jump up for joy over EVERY accomplishment, grand or miniscule. We want to hear about it. We’re all in this together.
You’re off to a great start!
09-14-2004, 02:36 PM
Hi and welcome. Sounds like you are doing great so far. My hubby was also the same way and balked at any idea of having to eat "tofu" in his words. I told him in no uncertain terms that I would start to cook healthier. BUT I did tell him that I wasn't going to throw out all the other "good foods to him" but that I would be replacing items as we ran out with the lower calorie/lower fat foods. I asked him to try the Dr. Phil Rapid Start plan with me for 2 weeks. Ha that was a joke. He wasn't game at all. Finally I challenged him to give up his regular pop for two weeks. He finally agreed to that and you know what? He lost like 7 pounds in those 2 weeks just by giving up his pop. so now if I bring something healthy into the home, he doesn't scoff at it or snicker or anything else. In fact when he's out shopping for us, he will try to find lower calorie/lower fat items himself. He knows he too needs to lose a few pounds and has started working out again a couple of times a week.
If you are afraid the sight of him eating a big mac is going to send you into a binge then don't go to mcdonald's or bring it home. (I know in our fast paced lives that's easier said than done.) And it may mean sitting down with him and tell him that if he wants to stuff his face full of fatty foods then that's his perogative but ask that he please respect you and your choices and not do it in front of you.
09-14-2004, 04:05 PM
HI! you picked the best group at this site! welcome! i could soooo relate to a lot of what you said in your post. i was skinny and active (not sports or anything, just my every day life) in high school and bam woke up one day and realized i was fat (i gained 150 pounds since graduating high school). i'd gain a little and in my mind i'd say "oh it will be ok as long as i don't gain anymore" then i'd gain more and say the same thing ,then gain more etc etc.
even though i know what works for me and what i have to do it is still a huge struggle. and going at it alone when it seems like nobody cares or is there to support you makes it really hard! but this is an awesome group and has really really helped me tons!
09-14-2004, 04:30 PM
I can totally relate to your situation, although I was never a dancer,..lol I liked to play softball as a kid but wasnt very good at it and nobody wanted the "fat kid" on their team. Hubby and I also gained weight together. He isn't really doing what I am, but I do finally have him trained a bit. He respects that i really want to and need tolose weight for my health and he tries to keep me on plan if I am "on a ledge" and he buyslow fat versions of stuff and tries to make sure I always have a low sugar, low fat ceral for breakfast and bottled water, and fruits and veggies in the house. He saw how i was doing and said he would drink less soda, although he still drinks a 2 liter a day, but I think he will come around in his own time. Men are usually stubborn so i am letting him do his own thing for the most part. I just ask that if he brings junk home, that he puts it out of site, or in the cabinet I cant reach,..lol I havent lost a ton of weight yet like some great ladies on here, since I have ony been doing this since aug 12th, but I am taking small baby steps. It might not work for yout o try changing everything at once. It does for some, but I have to take small steps.
As for exercise, I couldnt do a thing. I got the Leslie Sanson Walk away the Pounds dvd fr less than 15 dollars at amazon, and it has both the 1 and 2 mile walks on it. At first I could only do 5 mins or so:-( but I tr it at least 5 times a week and keep track of it on my yahoo calender(free if you have a yahoo account) and now, yesterday I got to the 15 min mark, and they start cool down at 17 so I should be able to get through it soon. I am totally like you when it comes to exercise. I do not want anyone to see me and I wont dare take a walk for the same reasons you indicated.
Welcome to the board. we are all here for you
09-14-2004, 04:42 PM
i forgot to mention that i also have the WATP and i LOVE IT!!! i have the 1 and 2 mile express.
09-14-2004, 05:40 PM
Hi Allison, welcome to the group! It sounds like you've really got it together and have set yourself up for some really positive changes in your life. You've got the right idea by starting small and just doing as much as you can do, and you've got a great attitude, which is gonna take you far in this journey.
For some low impact exercise I just gotta offer up the Gazelle Freestyle, I love that thing! It has totally replaced my treadmill and I really enjoy using it.
You've definitely come to the right place for support, this is a phenomenal group of people who will bring you up when you are down, and even give you a good kick in the rear when you need it, as long as you are willing to ask. So please don't be afraid to ask.
09-14-2004, 06:54 PM
:wave: Hi, Allison! This is a great place! You'll love it here. Congratulations on your victories thus forth and here's to many more! :cheers:
09-14-2004, 09:24 PM
The situation with your hubby sounds alot like mine, though my hubby has gained much more weight than I since we have been married. When he is around me he is eating better now and not drinking soda, at least at home. I never know what he might be up to when I'm at work or he is at work, but he has to answer to himself.
You have to keep in your mind that you are doing this for you! Most of the time, the women do the cooking in the household, so if you don't cook much, challenge yourself to start cooking more. It is much easier to find things you like that are good for you, and the other good part is that the hubby will need to eat what you are making!
I also belong to the YMCA and no one gives me any grief. Even if they did, I would blow it off. But where I live it at least seems to me that the Y has a more mature crowd than our town gym. Might be because the Y also gears towards families more. Anyway, everyone is there to work out, regardless of your fitness level, so just jump in there and get going!
Glad to have you with us! This is an amazing group of people!
09-14-2004, 11:09 PM
I agree with LakeGirl about the Y. I weighed 261 when I joined and felt right at home. There are a lot of heavier people in my water aerobics class--it's so much easier on the joints.
09-15-2004, 03:35 PM
Hello Allison. Welcome to the club. I just joined here myself and I love it - so much proof that we can do this. I know how you feel about not wanting people to see you. I almost didn't join a gym because I felt that way. As a matter of fact, I have to fight that feeling every time I'm driving there. I just have to remember that I'm doing this for ME. But you know what, on my first day there, I saw someone come in for a tour and they had the same look on their face that I probably had on mine the day I worked up the courage to take the tour - :yikes: . It was a guy who looked to be about my same weight and I thought - YEA I am so proud of him. And on the off chance that anyone else in there was paying attention to him, I'll bet they felt the same way. But if they didn't, so what. You just keep doing what you can when you can and know that we are all here rooting for you.
BOIBY - thank you so much for your tag line - it has helped me resist temptation several times, just this morning as a matter of fact.
09-15-2004, 05:00 PM
I love that line too, Marcia. It's gotten me through numerous difficult situations and still does to this day.