Sept 12 from "God Calling"
The eye of the soul is the will. If your one desire is My Kingdom, to find that Kingdom, then truly shall your whole body be full of light.
When you are told to seek first the Kingdom of God, the first step is to secure your will is for that Kingdom. A single eye to your HP.....Know no values but Spiritual values. No profit but that of Spiritual gain. Seek in all things HP first...............Walk with Me. Talk to Me. Here lies your true happiness.
The Lesson of Centering
Too many bright colors
Can blind your eyes.
Too much sound deafen your ears
Too much spice
Can burn your tongue.
Can drive us crazy.
Therefore the Tao woman
Turns from the Externals.
Embraces the inner wisdom- Tao 12
I just wanted to get the weekly thread started with some things to think about. Being thinking alot about centering and living in the moment. My brain always wants to jump 10 steps ahead of itself and when I am doing that am I really seeking HP's counsel. If I can turn over the food what other things may I turn over that our driving me out of the present today?
Gratitude List to Start Off the Week:
1. My relationship with HP
2. My family, friends, and co-workers. In fact most the people Iknow are lovely.
3. Tea and crackers for upset stomachs.
4. Poetry to stir the passions of the heart.
5. Love in all its many forms.
6. My job as it is.
7. The sound of a friends voice that is glad to hear from you.
8. A new day to begin.
9. Toliets that flush, antibiotics, and indoor plumbing for hot baths.
10. That I can read and write and all those people who write stuff for me to read.
11. Music of all types. Be grateful thatI can hear.
12. The pink of the sky when the sun is rising.
13. Holding hands.
14. Food that nourishes me.
15. Dreams that can come true.
:love: U ALL! Check in and I will be back to say howdy!
09-13-2004, 08:35 AM
Good morning, Chris!! Did you have a lovely pink sunrise in Nebraska, too? The glow from it woke me up!
Great gratitude list!
Kat - I hope you had a lovely time with DH and HP yesterday.
1. My crazy kitties
2. My chitlins
3. My friends at church
4. Diaper wipes
5. zwiffer wet-jet mops (DD peed all over the kitchen floor yesterday - again)
I'll BBL as well!
09-13-2004, 10:54 AM
Chris, that was really pretty! oxo Thanks for putting that here. :)
Tracy, you are so cute...I was always thankful for diaper wipes too! ;)
I'll be back later also. :)
I was wondering, do any of you ever do yahoo chats together? You can have up to 10 people in them (on the messengers), would anyone be interested in chatting together, like a group chat? Or do you do that already? Being that I am also a "chat" addict, I thought I'd ask, lol.
09-13-2004, 12:21 PM
Hi everyone. I was wondering if I could join you guys here in this forum. I've posted on the 20 somethings forum before, but pretending to be a dieter when I've suffered from various ED forms for 6 years only triggered more bingeing and restricting behaviors. Anyhow for some time now I've been feeling rather obsessive and I've been bingeing a lot...and I think that thoughts about food and calories are wasting a lot more of my time than they should for someone who's supposedly in recovery. I've lurked in this forum a couple times and it seems to be a better place for me because I can talk about EDs without too much explanation, and I've been wanting to get the ED thoughts outta my head for quite some time. Anyhow I would love to get to know you all better and I hope you have a good morning!
09-13-2004, 10:35 PM
Welcome Anna we are glad to have you. These are amazing ladies at every stage of recovery from food addiction here!
Skippy- Most of us transfer addictions. whenever I go completely off sugar the first month I can't keep cigarettes in the house, I freaking chain smoke. Its disgusting. I hate the fact that I smoke anyway and to be a slave to it :p
I can do Yahoo chat if my computer will stay online, they also have a chat room at 3FC I could ask Jen or Suzanne to hook us up if you would like?
Tracy- You reminded me of another thing to be grateful for! That my kiddo is out of diapers and toliet traing. Though I do have some fond memories of potty training. Sebastian was about 2-1/2 to 3 and he had gotten the pee thing down and we were still working on what to do with #2. He wore big boys underwear. Well I am walking up the stairs, and there is a turd in the middle of the stairs, and I am like "What the heck?" :?: On the top of the landing there is another one, and I look in the living room and there is my son standing on top of a chair changing the TV channel with one hand and holding his underwear aside with the other so the poop is dropping on the ground instread of making a dirty in the underwear :p We had a talk and I showed him where poop goes :lol: Now at 13 its mostly about aim :rofl: Men sometimes do't get it at 30, at 13 its just out of control :lol3:
Michelle- Ballet? Its a yoga chick :D But I think you would make a lovely ballerina. There is an episode of "Vicar of Dibley" where Dawn French adorns the Tu Tu! Lovely and funny! So how is SAHM going? (PS. Dr. Phil pisses me off when he tries to compare jobs. I think being a SAHM is hard, I would kill kids if I had to hang out with them all day. I have one child and work bcause God knows my limits :devil: )
Kat-Cool nature walk and meditation. We are more than a number on a scale, but its so easy to see it that way.
Jenelle- Mandy Patinkin is a total hotty and part of it is just the way he talks, but you know I got a thing for older men ;) Dead like Me is on either HBO or Showtime I don't know I rented it. TV on my terms. How is school?
Vanessa- Michael Anthony Hall is in the "Dead Zone" on USA. Its a pretty good show but they keep moving it around, I think they are just looking for enough episodes for syndication and to sell it on DVD. My favorite horror film? I love a mystery with suspense. Its hokey but I really liked "The Ring" and anything that has a cool set-up. Hitchcock was the man, by M. Night Shylaman is making a nice replacement. And on that note my favorite is probably "What Lies Beneath" because I love the story and the filming is freaking beautiful. Some of the camera angles at the end are just amazing.
Christy- You were right on about using harsh judgemental words with labels. My sponsor says I have to quit telling people what I am and letting them make up their own minds. But then again my husband says I soften too many words like saying "purge" instead of "Eating forcefully with the intention of making myself vomit" not quite as pretty huh? :dunno: So where is gradschool at lady? Still loving your kids?
Most my nausea is gone but I am having some serious hot flashes. I feel like I am on fire from inside me. :flame:
09-14-2004, 02:26 AM
Chris OMG Dawn french!! Is that the chick from Absolutely Fabulous?!! OMg I love that show so hilarious! I've been doing so well with my eating lately I'm proud about being on track even though work is crazy lol. How are you sweet thing?
Tonight however was hard, the little girl featured in my siggie passed away tonight at 11:05 pm central time, she is now where she truely belongs flying high with the angels. Please say a prayer that her family finds strength and eventually peace through all of this.
I hope you are all doing well tonight!
I'm at work so I have to make this a short one.
Love to you all
09-14-2004, 05:18 AM
When they are that little the angels have them right away. Prayers for her family and all that mourn for the passing of "what could have been". God does have aplan for each of us.
09-14-2004, 10:13 AM
I am having a hard time getting back to waking up early. :( I am just exhausted!
Going to an AA BB OA meeting in a few but wanted to say hi.
Michelle, sorry for your loss. :( :grouphug:
I will be happy for others' accomplishments and will not be jealous of them.
09-14-2004, 10:50 AM
I'm sorry for your loss also, and for the family! :( Love & Prayers from me as well! oxo
Chris, I think it would be way cool if we could all do the chat sometime. I know life is busy though, so no hurry, just whenever. :)
Thanks and Hugs to all the nice, encouraging and supportive replies after I let the coffee get to me, and rambled about my "younger" days.:faint: I love you all. :love: You have become part of me now. :) oxo
My youngest is still asleep, and I've been skipping my Bible reading way too much lately:faint:, so I'm going to try and read some before she wakes up. I'll be back later. :)
Have a great day, Chris, Kat, Tracy, Vanessa, Jennelle, Christy, Michelle,CJ, Linoleum, Sandi, Anna....and everyone else! :angel:
09-14-2004, 11:27 AM
You ladies are great!! :grouphug:
Kat I LOVE your affirmation for today! Perfect!!
Skippy I hope you are doing well :)
Chris LOL I thought it was a ballerina stretching she looks so graceful but then again I suppose yoga chicks do ;)
09-14-2004, 12:48 PM
Oh, Michelle, how terribly sad. My heart goes out to her family.
I spent this morning running errands for DH. I need to come up with an action plan to make my life my own. I resent him for all the things I haven't done or never got to try, and it's only going to get worse. I can't live like this the rest of my life. So we (I) need to renegotiate things, and I need to get off my *** and change what needs changing. My ED is on the list. I need the help of my HP, for sure, but I have some say in this, too.
My gratitude list:
1. That we're financially stable
2. That DH seems willing to work on our relationship
3. That I have interests that inspire me to change
4. That I have friends who support me (shoutin' out to ya'll!)
5. That my HP has a purpose for me and will help me on my way.
All the sheet in my life has led me to this moment, so I'm not going to dwell on regrets. Here I am.
Love you all!!
09-14-2004, 06:28 PM
Hey girls! Welcome Anna! The past two days have been well, work has been the normal routine. I finally bought my niece a gift, it was her christening Sunday so I bought her a little pumpkin outfit that has a pumpkin top as a hat and a baby's first piggy bank. I now know how buying for your niece becomes addicting! A friend bought a bag of candy corn and gave it to me... Ohhh how sweet it is..LOL It takes me back to my trick or treat nights everytime I take a bite. What did you guys dress up as for Halloween? I was a witch, the karate kid, a devil, a punk rocker...
Chris-Hey gal! I love Alfred Hitchcock movies also, but I love 80's horror and vampire movies. The Lost Boys, Children of the Corn, Witchboard, Fright Night, etc. M.Night Shaylaman is going to become a great director. I saw the Village and was very pleased, except for the ending.. It was very different from the basis of the movie itself. I saw a preview for a movie called SAW... and all I have to say is wow.
Michelle-I'm very sorry for your loss.. May I ask what a "siggie" is? Her family is def. in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you are staying on track though!
Kat-Great affirmination! Sometimes I think that is why some friends and family go separate ways, they are envious of what they have. It's sad that something like that would break up a strong bonding b/w people.
Skippy- How's the coffee going? I've had one can of diet coke today and that's it. I'm running on the pleasures of life sista! Read your bible! :)
Tracy-I'm super glad you want to change! That's very courageous of you to step it up like that. You can do anything in this whole world, I believe nothing can stop anyone to do what their heart desires. What are your interests??
Hey to CeeJay, Linoleum, Sandi, Anna, Christy, Jennelle! I hope you guys are safe and doing well! My prayers are with you all!
I'm off to tinkle and to see how the rest of the day is going to unfold.
Sleep tight and sweet dreams!
09-14-2004, 07:32 PM
This probably belongs in a journal or something, but since you gals understand I am going to tell you what I have been thinking about. Surrender. I am looking around my house and wodering how much I have surrenderd. I own alot of self-help and diet books still. Is the voice of God filtered through the ideas of what I think is "best for me". When do I give up and just truly try to listen to God and my body. I have broken my hunger button, I have lists in my head of "good" and "bad" foods, I have other lists of calories. Rarely do I ask myself am I being nourished by this moment? Am I present? Am I listening for what is best for me? I seek, and seek, and seek when if I would trust HP I could maybe accept what I have already found. Once again acceptance and surrender come up to bite me and say , "Chris, relax, go gently, God is your guide" And how long does it take to enforce my self-will. Today I would like to surrender to today, one minute at a time. To eat rice, when I eat rice.
I will try to come back and reply to everyone. Have a beautiful, blessed day.
09-14-2004, 09:30 PM
Sorry to have been out of the loop for a couple of days! I was, ummm, too busy doing stupid s%^t with food to post. Yuck. Haven't had an episode in quite awhile and don't really know what triggered it other than fatigue. Anyhoo...
Hello to everybody!
Michelle -- So sorry for the loss of that beautiful baby girl! My prayers are with her family and all those who loved her. Hugs to you...
Tracey -- Great gratitude list! I hear you about that hubby resenting thing. I'm all over that one this evening!
skippy -- You can let loose with whatever you need to here. I'm so glad to be getting to know you all. It's giving me such a more rounded perspective on life outside of my little world! You're terrific!
Vanessa -- Ugh...can't do horror movies! I'm such a chicken. Now a good Hitchcock movie is another thing altogether. Rear Window is one of my all time faves! Can't do Psycho though. Maybe one day I'll grow up enough to watch. LOL
anna -- Welcome! Jump in whenever you feel like it!
Kat -- Love that affirmation! I'm ashamed to say that that is something I have to conciously set aside regularly. Makes me disappointed with myself every time.
Chris -- Your surrender makes perfect sense to me! I've finally gotten rid of all but two (?) of my diet/self-help books. And they no longer call to me when I go to the bookstore. Maybe there's hope for me after all!
Well, ladies, I'm a grad school drop out. I contacted the university and expressed my concern over the track the program was going versus what we were told it was going to be. Apparently they have decided to go in the higher level direction and that just doesn't meet my needs right now. I know that I'm intellectually capable of doing it, but it would be hard and would require more time and effort than I'm willing to invest right now. Plus, in the end it will be something I can't really use except to say "Hey, by the way. I have a Master's degree!" I thought I would be more disappointed than I am. DH is quite disappointed in me and I'm not liking that. I don't believe my degrees are any of his business, actually. They don't concern him and I won't do something with MY career just to please HIM. Harsh? Maybe, but he doesn't really let my feelings about a matter figure greatly into his decision making process. He has made some major decisions that went completely opposite of what I told him I thought. Those decisions affected our whole family, not just himself. As far as I am concerned, my career is mine and mine alone. Yikes, I'm sounding a little angrier than I really feel. I think I'd better step away from this one for awhile! LOL
Well, I'm going to go and relax with a book. I'm reading The Pact by Jodi Picoult. Very good, but so sad. I also recently read The Lovely Bones. Have any of you read it? I had trouble sleeping afterward; it really moved me. It was disturbing though. I couldn't wait to give it back to my sister so it wasn't around for me to dwell on. I think when I finish this one I need to search out some light reading! LOL
Okay, enough from Chatty Christy. You may now return to your regularly scheduled message board.
Love and Hugs,
09-14-2004, 11:16 PM
Christy - That's one thing I'm grateful to my husband for. When I finally worked up the courage to tell him (with full-on tears!) that I couldn't hack a forensic science degree and was changing my major once and for all to English, he looked at me and said, "That's all that's bothering you?" :lol: Then he gave me the advice that I'm giving you: It doesn't matter if you major in 19th century French poetry (we like the movie "Groundhog Day"), as long as you are passionate about it. Good for you for not sticking with something that you totally hate just to please others! :bravo: (BTW: Could the recent turmoil and your husband's reaction have anything to do with the fact that you're doing stupid **** with food?)
Chris - Girly, I LOVE what you started the thread with! It's so true. :) It all boils down to "Shut up and listen." :) I'm having my own struggles with shutting up and listening. I have also been doing stupid **** with food. That food plan I sent you yesterday? Whatever. It was a "plan," but I certainly didn't follow it in any way, shape or form. I thought it was important to be honest about that. Here's to ODAT! :cheers:
I'm tired. I need to sleep! Night all ! :D
09-15-2004, 06:22 AM
Okay it seems to me a over the years I have gotten rid of quite a few of my diet books. So why do I have 20 books on dieting? And some of them are just about worn through and highlighted. These are my friends, these are my Gods, this is my precious. The idea of getting rid of them is scarey and that doesn't include the other pile of "Curing your Depression" ,"10 Steps to getting Control of Your Life", "Excavating Your Authentic Self". I haven't even started to go through all the books I own on spirtuality, religion, and philosophy. There are others that I am so attached to I won't even consider whether they need to go in the piles of "trying to fix Chris" . I am sure some of them do, but I am taking the "What About Bob" babysteps approach. I want to :cry: Its like if I know everything then it will be better? Sometimes I have taken the **** and other time I have stayed on the pot. What the **** I am looking for to fix me? Obsessed with myself. An ego-mainac with low self-esteem. Does this sound like a pity party? Mostly I am just horrified. How much of my life has been wasted in trying to fix my life instead of living it? Being present instead of in the food and in myself. So just for today can I choose to be where I am? The task sounds daunting, its easier to hole up inside me, analyzing, analyzing, analyzing. Surrender or die. So many deaths we can have in this world.
There is physical death which sounds the least scariest to me. Emotional death. Spiritual death. Much worse. To stand in the light of the spirit, to surrender to the day. Accept this is who I am and take the next step forward. Its the actions that count not the sitting and thinking about the next thing to do. Thanks for listening.
Jenelle- Its all a journey. Good food days, bad food days, maybe when it boils down to it, these are just the days of our lives. Wow queen of mellodrama this morning :lol:
Christy- HALTS (Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, stressed) happens to all of us. We are such perfectionists even when it paralyzes us that it must have been very hard to decide to quit. We just aren't quitters even when its not our path. :grouphug: I love it when your chatty by the way! :D
Vanessa-I still love to dress up for Halloween. Last year I was a Trill (not a tribble a Trill, the symbiotic species of Jadzia Dax). This year I am not decided if I will or I won't. I love buying for my niece, she is totally spoiled and gorgeous of course. My new nephew I will spoil him in a few years, at this point he mostly just drools ;)
I didn't like the end of "The Village" either, BUT it was beautifully shot. I mean thats some of these films its just the beauty of how they are put together. "Cold Creek Manor" was awesome in suspense build-up. "Lost Boys" (awesome movie about drugs) is one of my favorites. "Children of the Corn" makes me roll on the floor with laughter, c'mon be the adult :lol:
Tracy- Amen to being where you are today. Feel free to share whatever you need to. If you haven't noticed I have done some dumping :rolleyes: :^: SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE!!!!!!!! :grouphug:
Michelle- :wave: :grouphug: How's your heart?
Skippy- Making prioritizes for loving bevior is awesome :cp: You are part of all of our journey as well :love:
Kat- Amen to your affirmation. Sick of comparing my insides with others outsides. We are all unique and all the same. Applaud us for our humanity. :D
:wave: Anna, Linoleaum, CJ, Sandi, and the lurkers. We are a loving group, come join us.
Oh and how is this for a smack in the face? I go grocery shopping tonight. I have been dieting, I don't know any other life. So tonight I bought a wide variety of foods including some cookies I know my son likes. Well I just don't buy that stuff unless I am planning to binge. My sons sees them and says, "These are mine" and starts to take the whole package in his room to eat tonight. I am like, "What are you doing?" You can have a few everyday. He looks at me and says, "They won't last that long" I have taught my family to binge. Eat it quick before someone else does :(
Have a great day!!!!!!!!
09-15-2004, 09:13 AM
Well, I was all full of piss and vinegar yesterday, wasn't I? Didn't last long. Got in a fight with DH after he got home, 'cause I screwed up one of his errands - it was an honest mistake, a miscommunication - and I'm the one put out, since I'll have to go back to the bank today. But he was more than willing to make me feel like an idiot about it. Now I'm looking at that Zappos icon over there, thinking about a pair of shoes I saw....fortunately, my computer is screwed up and I can't access secure sites. So, no retail therapy for me! :devil: I do stupid **** with food and money. But usually not at the same time.
Oh, I meant to say hi to Anna Banana. I had a close friend in college we called Anner Bananer. I'm sure that's pretty common for Annas, but seeing you made me smile. I hope you stick around!!
Chris, I hear you. I understand what you're talking about. Dump it all here, we can relate.
Christy, I'm certainly not the one to give marital advice right now, but have you asked him flat out why he's disappointed in you? It does seem to me like it's totally your decision. I think my husband thinks I'm the type to never finish anything - the truth is, I talk about possibilities before I make up my mind, so it sounds like I never do what I say. I guess that's probably why he said, "Oh, God," when I mentioned that a friend of mine is going back to school in the field I'd like to study.
Hey, Vanessa - I like the unusual costumes - one year, I was a Kmart Blue light special, another year, the fruit of the loom grapes. I don't dress up any more, but it's fun to get Sarah dressed up. I asked her already if she'd like to be a fairy, she said no, she wanted to be a monster. Cool!!
I'm going to sweat out some toxins now, before I run errands. Bye all!
09-15-2004, 10:53 AM
Hi everyone, thanks for the warm welcome. I hope that you are all having a good morning. I want to introduce myself further so you can know a little more about me...
I am 23 and I have had various EDs for a while. When I was in high school it was anorexia, but the summer after my freshman year of college I discovered bingeing and I've been on that side of the spectrum for a while. The hard-core bingeing stopped about 6 months after it started, when I replaced my ED with drug use...3 years of escaping with substances other than food. Once I graduated college, the drugs stopped, but I started bingeing again. in the 16 months since I've been out of school, I've been overeating pretty consistently, with 2-week periods of eating normally interspersed throughout. My weight stays pretty much the same because I work out a lot, but sometimes I feel myself getting into the purging-with-exercise mindset--which, as we all know, only fuels bingeing and/or restricting.
anyhow other than that, some info about me:
I live in NYC. I just moved to a new apartment, a studio--my own place. I am very excited about that. I used to live with a roommate, who I loved, but I hated living with her. THe only thing is that her presence stopped me overeating a lot of times. Now that I live alone there's no accountability, no one to see me go to the kitchen, no one to see the weird things I eat because there are no traditional bingeing foods left in the house. I think that living by myself has triggered a new phase of bingeing.
Anyhow, moving on. I have a boyfriend who knows about my ED but not its full extent (he doesn't know that I still binge). He's pretty supportive though. One thing that I love/hate is that he doesn't want me to lose weight. I love it because it makes me feel more secure in my body, but I hate it because I feel as though he is subconsciously holding me back from losing weight.
I like all the things one typically likes, music, movies, art. I really like working out. My boyfriend and I like to go for long walks in Manhattan, typically we will walk 120 blocks on a Sunday, just walking around taking in all the neighborhoods and the buildings and people.
I can't think of what else to put here, but I've taken up enough space already and I am, after all, at work--so maybe I should get to that.
oh, but before I go...
Chris, thank you for your welcome. I've seen you around 3FC a lot and I have so much respect for you!
Tracy--I've been Anna Banana my whole life, and in college it got shortened to "Banana." It got so bad that I started reacting to any mention of the word, whether someone was talking about the fruit, or something crazy ("that's bananas") or me. Now I'm back to Anna, mostly, but I'm still partial to Anna Banana!
Christy--if you don't believe the department's program is right for you, please don't feel bad letting go!! Grad school requires time, energy, hard work and sacrifice, and it's not worth it if you don't believe in your cause, you know? Devote yourself to something you believe in!
Michelle, I am sorry about the little girl Allison. My condolences to you and to her family.
To everyone else, Kat, Vanessa, Skippy, Janelle-- Have a good day! hope to see you around later...
09-15-2004, 12:38 PM
Hi again, Anna! Thank you for sharing so much info. We're a great group, if I do say so myself.
Well, folks, here's my dump for the day: I don't think my marriage is going to last. We're not sharing our lives, and it's breaking my heart. I really wanted to be with someone I could enjoy life with, and DH isn't wired to do that. I'm going to work on him again about going to therapy. And I think I'll talk to my mom about it, so it's not such a shock if I show up on her doorstep. I just refuse to be miserable for the rest of my life because of our vow.
Okay, as usual when I get upset, I have to eat or clean something (or buy something). So I'm going to clean.
If you have ANYTHING to say, chime in. I don't care what it is, I could use perspective.
09-15-2004, 04:38 PM
Tracy, sweetheart. Though I'm not married nor do I have a boyfriend, the one thing I can truly agree on is that every person deserves to be happy, and that includes you! We live this life only once and it's not slowing down for any of us. It's not healthy for both of you to be in a relationship where there isn't love 100% of the time. And it can't be 60/40 or 70/30.. It's 50/50. Girl, go with your heart and what you truly feel. Yeah, you might have took a vow to love and to hold until eternity, but our HP knows that sometimes things don't work out. He would rather you be totally and truly happy on this earth than miserable every single day. If you think your missing out on love and all of it's qualities, and your not getting your share of it, then your heart will truly speak! It happens...people just dont' connect and things change. Don't let life and love pass you by each day.
Christy-Go with your passion honey. That's what life is all about... living and breathing our passion. We will get the fullest benefits of life when we truly do what our heart desires.
Chris-I'm also afraid of taking that step forward too. To surrender and leave everything behind.. It's like I want to keep my training wheels on forever, too afraid to stand up w/o them! But your right.... we're wasting too much of our lives trying to know how to fix it, rather than just live it. And that is scary. (In jr. high and high school, my nickname was "Isaac" b/c when I had my hair really short, I SO looked like Isaac from Children of the Corn!! We could have passed for twins! We had our own COTC group! Gosh, those were the days. I'm excited to see what movie is next for M.Night Shylaman, I believe he can take anything to a different level.
Anna-You can always share anything with us! I'm a recovering anorexic with my lowest weight of 76pds. I'm a restrictor big time with OCD and dysmthia. I work as a substance abuse therapist at a methadone clinic. I commend you for recovering! I know it's very hard. The biggest thing is that we have to somehow let it all go and just love ourselves.
Jennelle-Hey gal! I hope your doing ok, I'm glad you posted to let us know your still hanging in there! My thoughts are with you!
Michelle, Skippy, CeeJay, Linoleum, Sandi, Kat.. We are here for you guys!!
Love and Peace
09-15-2004, 05:49 PM
Well...DUH! Thanks, Jennelle! I didn't even begin to make the connection between my stupid s&*t episode and my DH's disappointment over grad school. How thick am I? LOL That makes much more sense than fatigue...although maybe we can blame my trouble making that leap on being brain tired? Worth a try!
Tracey -- So sorry things aren't going well with your DH. It can be tough, I know. You sound a lot like me: eat, shop, or clean! I choose cleaning a lot, too. Although shopping is right up there. LOL You're right about refusing to be miserable. My sister is going through some real crap with her husband right now. He's been unfaithful and really ugly about it after she tried to forgive him and make things work. I know it's her decision, but I'm really hoping that she, too, will get tired enough of being miserable that she takes some action. Hugs to you!
anna -- Your description of you and your life sounds so cool to this small town (reeeally small town!) girl! Glad you've joined us!
Chris -- I love to read your posts! After dealing with third graders all day, it's nice to read something intellectually stimulating. You always make me think, ya know? I hear you on teaching your family to binge. My oldest DD will hoard food, too.
Vanessa -- You speak very wisely for someone unmarried and currently boyfriendless! You should do well when the right guy comes along!
I'm afraid my diatribe yesterday made my husband sound like an ogre. He isn't. He's disappointed because he knows I *could* do this and doesn't want me to waste my potential. He takes a certain amount of pride in telling people what I do and enjoyed telling people I was in grad school. Silly, I guess, but I know he means well. We are both so set in our ways that even after 15 years we bump heads and the sparks fly! It's odd how it is one of the things that I hate most and love most about our marriage. I know...I'm a sick puppy.
Hello to skippy, linoleum, Michelle, and Kat! Hope you're doing okay ceejay!
Well, I need to go and prepare for my looong day tomorrow. I have a first year teacher observing me and my class all day and I only have one break. On top of that I have lunch duty and bus duty, too. It's going to be a tough one! Think of me!
Love and hugs,
09-15-2004, 06:28 PM
(((((((((((((Tracy))))))))))))))))))))) I don't know whats best for you, but I do know what is working for me currently. I was getting really sick of DH, all the neediness, all the I wasn't being or doing what he wanted (at least it feels that way). I called my Mom and she said, "Is he beating you? Is he acting completely finacially irresponsible? Is he verbally abusing you? Is he making you so miserable you want to hurt yourself? Is he being a bad father?" Finacially irresponsible, yeah, but so am I. So we talked about my part. And you know I have been applying the ODAT concept and surrendering him. I do what I need to do to be healthy and I am letting his BS be his. If he wants to yell at you for not doing an errand he could have done, whats his part? Let him own it. We have a tendency in our perfection to take on others ****. None of us deserve that. So it may sound selfish, but I put me and my recovery first, then taking care of my son, and if he decides to particpate good for him. For today we are okay, just for today I am staying, just for today God can have him. I am owning my part.
Christy- Look at you grow girl, you vent and then you think. Sometimes the venting part is just what we need. Thats why we are here to listen. Most of us just want to be heard in our emotional crap so let it out girl, let's quit stuffing it down with food. Your part :grouphug:
I hope I don't sound like a know it all on my :soapbox: This is just my experience right now. Tommorow I happily will rave at you about what an ******* he is ;)
Vanessa- I love that, go with your passion! Substance abuse conselor, wow big job. I was doing some research last night, I think everyone here knows I dabbled with cocaine and amphetemines. Come to find out I was probably self medicating. Getting use to my new meds is a real *****, but they effect the same nerutransmitters that I was trying in my blind way to take care of before. Bullimics have low levels of serotonin and norepinephrine. Whew. Thanks for being here Vanessa your recovery is a beautiful thing girl!!!!
OMG has anyone here had hot flashes yet? The meds have given me them. I got my AC down at 65 and all the fans on in my house. I hate to see my electric bill, but I have had to change my shirt every couple of hours from sweating. Freaking miserable I tell you.
Anna- We always have to replace one addiction for another. When I was going through my little bout of anorexia, cocaine really took my mind off the fact I was starving :lol: I am so glad to have you here, and look forward to getting to know you better. I like to workout too, but for today I am taking a little break to see how Chris would excercise vs. the way Chris has been taught to excercise if that makes sense.
I love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!! Be where you are today, and know that you are not alone.
09-15-2004, 08:02 PM
Yes I'm back. I honestly walked downstairs today and have been on the computer for awhile.
My foot surgery went well. and today I thank God for Valium and pain pills. I had a lot of muscle spasms last week. and all I was allowed to do by the doc was sit with ice packs on my foot for 2 hours and off for one hour. Went back for an appointment today and asked for a walking cast, but guess what he told me to start putting my full weight on this foot and I have today.
Anna, welcome to our support group
Hi to all the rest. I'll try and come back tomorrow but right now it's time for me to go back upstairs. My aunt should be home soon. They have honestly waited on me hand and foot this week. Need some more pain med's. No I'm not hooked on them--Just wouldn't pass a drug test if I had to have one.
09-15-2004, 10:43 PM
Hi Anna! I don't think I remember reading your post. I'm such a spaz sometimes. :eek:
I've been thinking about WLS again. It's that whole "quick fix" thing coming back. You know, wake up and be 100 lbs. lighter! :rofl: Don't worry - I wouldn't REALLY do it. First of all, I'm not fat enough so that my insurance would pay it. Second, the thought of deep anethesia terrifies me. I had to have it once when I had a wisdom tooth pulled, and the dental surgeon said I fought him like **** before it took effect.
I have a ton of work to do (Christy knows! :) ) so I will be back later to post.
09-16-2004, 09:54 AM
Thank you everyone for your perspectives. That's what I really need right now - a view from outside of my head. It's like I'm not sure if I'm flaking out because this is hard, or if I really have a serious gripe. That's why I so want to go to therapy, but DH is against it. He thinks our vow should be enough to keep us together. Which to me translates as him not wanting to fight for us.
Yesterday, a piece of stereo equipment he bought on eBay arrived, and he went to work checking it out immediately. At some point, I had to get the baby down for a nap, which meant DD was alone watching TV. He took the preamp upstairs to his den (which should be a bedroom for a kid, but we can get to that later) and she followed him, wanting attention. She went in his room and he actually yelled "Get out!" at her. She disintegrated right there, bawling. Matthew wasn't asleep yet, so I went and got her, and we made popcorn and watched Veggie Tales together, so she could get the attention she needed, and hopefully forget about her father's rejection.
My friends are amazed when I say that I'm the one who gets both kids bathed and to bed each night, and that Chip has only been with us to the park on one occasion in their entire lives. He doesn't have the inclination to do stuff like that, and won't sacrifice his time for them. I don't know if this is really a defective father we're dealing with, or if I'm a 50's mom.
If it were a case of physical abuse or infidelity, that'd make it easy for me. I know he would never cheat on me or hit me, but it's because it would be an offense to God, not because he loves me so much and would never do anything to hurt me. I guess that's a good enough reason, but it isn't very romantic. He says he loves me and needs me all the time, but he doesn't show much of an interest in me, doesn't care about my thoughts, so I don't feel special.
When he's home, I tend to feel better about things. Just like Christy said, he isn't a complete ogre, and can be sweet - but there are lots of negatives as well. I still love him as a person. But I don't like our life together.
And that ends my dump for the day. I'm a gonna lift all that up to God now, and go sweat a little.
Ya'll, my baby is so cute. He's just starting to walk, and it's that Frankenstein-looking stagger - hilarious!!
CeeJay - I'm so glad your surgery was successful. Best wishes for a fast recovery!
Chris - I hope you don't feel the need to rant about what as ******* your DH is anytime soon!! Thank you for the insight.
Vanessa, Christy, Jennelle - thanks for your words of support. It means SO much.
09-16-2004, 10:45 AM
Tracy, I am soooooo sorry for the difficult times you are having!! :(
I did a search on difficult times poems, this was the first one that popped up:
Where have all the sweet words gone?
Lately it seems that all is wrong.
Instead of smiles, we seem to cry.
Both feel like quiting, but we must try.
We must bandage up our cuts so deep.
Replace the tears with smiles to keep.
Forgive one another for damage done.
Making our hearts again beat as one.
These walls we've built, they must come down.
Find the smiles and lose the frowns.
God,will wash the hurts and resentments away.
If we give it to Him today.
We must do this as a team
To fulfill our goals and live our dream.
Let's show each other that our love is true.
I'll make the effort, how about you?
I just wanted you to know that I care and am thinking of you.
wow tracy, I don't know what to say. Do what's best for you. While having two parents, in some circumstances, is preferable, sometimes having two parents who don't get along is not worth it. Your kids need you to be the best mom you can be, and if you are unhappy, that will be much harder. So the best thing for you, and for them, is for you to follow your heart and make sure you are making yourself happy.
This must be such a difficult time for you. Please take care of yourself!
09-16-2004, 08:12 PM
Hey girls! How is everyone? I"m doing ok, waiting for this thunderstorm and baking some banana nut muffins for my supervisor(OK, i'm a suck up!). My supervisor also had an ED so we talk sometimes about our experiences and she gives me comfort when she see's that I'm struggling. I'm going to see Supersize Me tommorow night, anyone seen it?? I don't have too many plans for the weekend, except sleeping past 4am!! What is everyone else's plans?
Chris-Super Kudos for recovering! It's very hard to recover from any type of drug, you have to completely commit yourself to a new and positive lifestyle. I've lived in solitude my whole life, so having 60+ patients who have a 10+ drug probem was a shock! It's amazing how the mind works when your addicted and how you can alter your receptors. Be proud of what you have accomplished! :)
Tracy-You deserve to be truly happy...with love and life. You have to ask yourself are you truly in love with him? Though it's good to have differences, those differences shouldn't make you unhappy. Go with your heart ddde, and the sun is always shining!
Skippy-Beauitful poem!! I also like your signature too!
Christy-How was your day??? I know you said it was going to be very long. It's hard sometimes to give my friends advice b/c most of the time, I'm giving advice to my patients and it's all drug related! LOL I hope your doing well and resting, I'm sending my good vibes to you!
Ceejay-I'm glad your doing well! Get well soon!
Hey to Michelle, Linoleum, sandi, Anna, Jennelle, Kat... My thoughts are with you tonight! Sweet dreams and god bless!
09-16-2004, 08:24 PM
I have today off. Just bumming around, nothing special going on.
Tracy: I am so sorry about your marital issues. If he thinks hitting his wife and cheating on her is an offense to god, then he should add being emotionally detached to his wife and kids in there. :( I think it is great you want to go to therapy - I hope he comes to his senses about that. Have you spoken to him about ending the marriage? I'm sorry I don't have any real advice. It sounds to me you are willing to fight but I'm not so sure about him. Is it possible that he is depressed?
Vanessa, Enjoy the movie! I haven't seen it but my friends have enjoyed it.
Jennelle, I personally feel WLS should be a rare occurrence. But it's up to you and your HP.
:wave: to everyone else. :cool:
So I am doing pretty well. I changed my work schedule to get in morning f2f meetings during the week. I used to go to 5 f2f meetings a week a year ago and slowly let work, etc... get in the way. After losing my MIL, my program became even weaker. I was on the brink of losing my abstinence. So, it was either that or strengthen my program. So here I am, working it. ;)
I get a bit confused where everyone is in their program (or if they have even joined OA). So, have you? Do you have a sponsor? Work the steps? Go to meetings?
Have a good evening, all. :)
09-16-2004, 10:40 PM
Hey guys! My day turned out to be okay after all! My observer didn't show. We were able to do recess outside and bus duty was over early because the third graders we have left ride the earlier buses. Plus I got the best compliment I've received from a parent in awhile. The mother of one of my high maintenance children was in our room for a bit today while I was getting the kids settled back in and ready to work on a project. After watching and listening for a few minutes, she told me "Wow. You are so patient. No wonder (child's name) loves you so much." THAT really made my day. It's nice to be appreciated!
Tracey -- You are really facing some tough decisions. I have no advice, but I just want to assure you, like everyone else has, that we'll be your sounding board whenever you need it. Prayers for you right now!
ceejay -- Glad you're recovering so well! Enjoy this time off!
Jennelle -- Anesthesia freaks me out, too. The fact that they can put you so far under that you feel no pain, have no recollection of it, lose all sense of time and THEN they can bring you back out of it?!? Freaky! Another vote against WLS here. My best friend who had it done has been sick ever since. Yeah, she's lost weight, but she'll tell you herself that it wasn't worth it. I know what you mean about it passing through your mind though. I've pondered the appeal of it myself before, but my inner chicken always wins in the end.
skippy -- Glad to see you back around! Are the kiddos getting into the swing of things with school? How about you?
Chris -- Thanks for the affirmation. Somedays I feel like such a grownup and others...eh, not so much! I know you can relate to that. (I'm remembering some things about a bouncy exercise ball and a hula hoop...LOL) How's work treating you right now? What is the countdown until that extended time off?
Vanessa -- Are you bracing for hurricane leftovers? We already have flood watches and wind advisories posted. Possibility of early dismissal or maybe even no school tomorrow.
Kat -- I have lots of OA material and attend online meetings infrequently. I kind of pulled back for awhile after losing two sponsors and feeling like a nuisance that no one wanted to fool with. I'm over it (I think?!?), but not ready to seek out another sponsor yet. There aren't a lot of f2f meetings in my area and, frankly, I'm probably still too self conscious to attend if there were. As if someone my size could somehow keep people from knowing I have a problem with food just by NOT attending OA meetings. Sheesh...
Good Lord, I have to stop writing a novel every time I come here! I'll bet you could never guess I'm one of those total disclosure type people, huh?
Backing away from the keyboard to give your eyes a rest,
09-17-2004, 06:46 AM
:coffee: :coffee: :coffee:
I can say that after sleeping on and off since 1100 yesterday. When I did wake up I ate alot of crappy foods. I didn't binge, but I didn't eat anything that I would consider healthy. Its my new effort to build a relationship with food without using judgements. Still weighing and measuring, because my eyeballs are way bigger than my belly but quit saying if Chis has this she is "bad" or if she eats just this she is "good" or I can have more of that because its "good". You know all that conflicting bullshit that lives in my head. Unfortunately my body is broken by my food addiction so even though intellectually this sounds all fine and dandy my body thinks one cookie should= a package. ODAT.
Also going to try to figure out a loving plan of excercise not based on the filtered crap of what others thinks is best for me. Whats best for Chris based on asking a loving HP and living the steps?
Oh and yes my husband is an ***, I think :lol: Jenelle and I have talked about this before, I am prone to getting overstimulated by too much noise, people, and this is worse for me on waking. Well yesterday I barely had my eyes open and DH was shoving these movies he rented in my face, And I pushed the movies away. He freaked, screaming, and yelling, and slamming doors. I have no idea what he was saying, because I shut down and went a and layed back down and was asleep almost immediately. But I woke up right before he left for work and he was looking very :mad: and did not kiss me goodbye. :dunno: And right now like I am kinda :mad: because he was, but I don't really know what to be mad about :dizzy:
So I am going back to what I know 1. Take care of me, I started working on the house, made coffee, set down here to get centered and write 2. Take care of my son. I started his laundry because I know he has a dance today and his friend Cameron is coming over to spend the night. Also I am thinking a little ahead today. Tonight is girls night out. First I am going over my step work and then meeting and out with the ladies. I might see if someone wants to hang afterwards or come here and do something to nurture me. Maybe I will take the boys to the movies? My DH has certainly not taken me the last 3 times he has gone.
See Christy and you think your chatty! :lol:
Christy-Thats so awesome, you work hard for those kids its nice to be appreciated (especially by a critical parent ;) ) My inner child still wants to play! I wonder if a trip to the park isn't in order for this morning :lol: I am a full disclosure person too, like you would never guess.
Kat- If my scheduled permitted I would probably be best off going to a meeting every single day. I was able to do that when I first started because I was on light duty at work. When we get the new SL's trained I am going to try to go to days for awhile to strengthen my program. I haven't talked to my food sponsor since Tuesday, she probably thinks I am freaking out, and maybe I am a bit, but no binging and no purging :)
Vanessa- Anytime youwant to suck up to me I take food too :lol: I am going to surrender to the weekend, whatever happens it will be for the best and I am not going to think about whether or not I am "wasting" it. I hate that I got to do more syndrome!
Anna- :wave: How about you? Whats the plan for the weekend? You young girls. I miss dancing and staying up all night, of course I don't miss college at all :lol:
Skippy -Loved the poem. :grouphug: right back at you! What's new?
Tracy- I know exactly what you are talking about. He isn't that bad, but this just doesn't feel right. Keep venting girl, there are answers in between the lines. The deal is can you communicate this to him, because I know with my DH when it comes to talking my heart I have a terrible time. Why? Cause I don't want to fight :p
Jenelle- I hear you on the anethesia thing. One time at the dentist it took about 5 dental assistants to hold me down to get that needle in my mouth, if they didn't already have the leverage of the chair against me I am not sure they would have gotten me. I think WLS has its place, but there is always work to still do on the food addict so what have you really gained. Ya know? Totally respect Jiffypop and her weightloss surgery journey, and the fact she lost the first 100 lbs on a liquid diet. NO WAY NO DAY! I couldn't have done it.
CJ- Glad your healing girlie, go gently in all areas.
I LOVE YOU GALS! Check in lets hear fromeveryone before the busy weekend starts!
09-17-2004, 11:14 AM
GOOD MORNING!!! NO, I DID NOT GET LAID LAST NIGHT, BUT I'M DOING MY BEST TO BE HAPPY!!! Okay, maybe not so much happy, but intense. The kids and I are doing some errands this morning, then picking up lunch. (Something semi-healthy, although there may be a small frosty involved.)
Thanks again to everyone for your kind words. I know I seem a bit self-absorbed right now. Frankly, I am. But I love and care for you, too!
Another night of DH practicing his absentee parenting approach, which led to DD waking up a lot, which pissed him off, which means I had to play musical beds soothing the kids. I didn't sleep well anyway, since in my head I was lining up dates for after the divorce. :dizzy:
Just like you, Chris, I can't talk to him as openly as I need to. Whenever we have one of these discussions, he gets defensive and nasty, and won't cool off or try to understand what I've said until hours later. I can be as sensitive as possible, and he'll still turn things around on me and make me feel awful.
Before going to bed last night, I got my bible and opened it up randomly. It opened to Ecclesiastes, which is all about not trying to alter your life by following false gods, and how we should instead give our lives over to God. Yes, it's that word again: SURRENDER. How do I surrender to God but not to DH?
Chris, I hope you have some fun tonight, you deserve it. And giving up the "good food"/"bad food" mentality is part of the puzzle, for sure. Good for you.
Christy - I'm glad you got some props!
Kat - I know you'll be successful getting back on track with your program. You've done amazing things so far.
Vanessa, Anna, Skippy - thanks for the thoughts, and have a good weekend!
Crap, we're in the middle of a band of hurricane rain right now. Hopefully it'll clear up in time for lunch.
09-17-2004, 02:51 PM
well, good news, I didn't binge yesterday. It was the first day since Labor Day that I didn't overeat. I think that there were many reasons why:
1. I got paid yesterday, which relieved the stress of bills that need to be paid. That was stressing me out a lot, because even though I wasn't overdue, I was just stressing that all the due dates were coming up...
2. I worked out in the morning. The gym is less packed then, which makes my workout more successful and less stressful, and it sets me up to make better decisions throughout the day.
3. It was a coworker's birthday and someone got her cheesecake. I knew ahead of time that cheesecake would be served and so I was prepared, mentally and calorically, to accept the guilt-inducing deliciousness into my system. Normally eating cheesecake would send me into a spiral of bingeing, but because I was in a good mood and because I had calculated it into my calorie budget, I felt fine with it. And it kept me full for a while too.
4. Most importantly, my mom came to visit last night and so sharing a bed with her in my studio is not really conducive to getting up constantly for snacks from the kitchen. Although she has been known to trigger ED behaviors in me and massive guilt, her presence kept me from overeating. I didn't even feel like eating (but that's never stopped me before). It felt so good to fall asleep without a full stomach and to wake up without the guilt and haze that before-bed bingeing triggers in me the next morning.
Today is on track so far but I am worried because a) I just ate a jar of pickles, for no good reason, and its making me feel both guilty and really, really nauseated and b) I have Rosh Hashanah dinner tonight at my cousin's and then I am going to a party in Brooklyn. I HAVE to go to dinner, even though I don't want to, and it will all be heavy food like brisket and kugel. and I want to go to the party, but I know myself, and I feel like I will not have a good time at the party if I am feeling guilty about the brisket (can you tell I am really nervous aobut the brisket). Plus the party is at my high school friends' apt and these are all people who knew me when I was anorexic. They've all seen me since then, but it still makes me nervous.
Anyhow sorry for the really long rant. But eating the jar of pickles really threw me into a tailspin. Crazy right?
To the ladies: (I'm sure I'm missing some people, but here are my comments for the ladies who've posted since I was here yesterday):
Vanessa--guess what, I'm a case manager, and I work with clients who have substance abuse issues. I spend half my week in methadone clinics! too bad you're in WV, otherwise we might run into each other... I'd be interested to know the differences and similarities between your population in WV and mine here in the Bronx.
Kat: I'm not in OA. I've thought about going to meetings but I always chicken out. I've heard a lot about it, and since I work in substance abuse, like Vanessa, I'm generally familiar with 12-step programs. After 6+ years in ED treatment (hospitalizations, individual therapy, group therapy and family therapy), I'm trying to distance myself from clinical approaches to ED treatment and go it alone for the moment. It might not be the best-advised approach but that's where I am right now. I don't know. It's not like OA is a clinical setting for treatment but I just don't think I'm ready. I kinda wish that I was.
Christy--congrats on the parent's comment and I totally see what you mean about writing a novel! It's like my fingers won't stop typing. How's the fallout from gradschool coming along with DH?
Chris--well, other than the party tonight, things won't be too wild for me this weekend. Unless, of course, you count my mom's visit, which will certainly make me a little crazier! I know what you mean about sane food and workouts. Sometimes I feel so trapped by my ED food- and exercise-mindset that I struggle to break free but it's hard. Have fun tonight though!
Tracy--my continued thoughts and good wishes are with you. And a frosty never hurt anyone...in fact, they're known for their therapeutic qualities.
Hi and happy Friday to everyone else I didn't mention above. I hope that you all have a great, happy, healthy weekend. If you are having Ivan-related weather problems, be safe and stay dry!
09-17-2004, 06:10 PM
Looks like everyone is surrendering to God today. I have 3 uncles, who are elders of the church,who have been praying for me to heal and believe me the doctor couldn't believe how fast I was progressing. Yes God is diffinately in my life.
The nature of things at my uncle is so serene. I sat out on the deck yesterday just to enjoy the beauty. and last night his grandkids came to visit.
Food wise I've had no problems and you know I think partly it's because it's the serenity and beauty around here. Yesterday I slept 3/4's of the afternoon just simply because I needed it and today I feel awesome.
I honestly walked from the parking lot to Wal-Mart to get my thyroid med's refilled. and this was without the walker. Also I have walked downstairs the last couple of days.
Hi to all the rest will catch up later. I'm doing laundry. I have the bed cleaned and a load of towels to be folded and then I'm going to get ready to go out to eat tonight.
Since I've been here I've take only a could of fluid pills. I have doubled the potassium.
I got new pictures of my niece today. I sure would like to hold her. She's so pretty.
09-17-2004, 10:17 PM
Christy, it is great to receive compliments from our students' parents! i got a big thank you today and it felt really nice. :)
Chris, sorry you had to wake up to a cranky DH. :( Hope you 2 sort things out!
Banana, OA will be there for you when (if) you are ready. :grouphug:
Ceejay, thanks for your ESH!
:wave: everyone else!
I am doing pretty well. Had a good talk with a sponsee online. :)
Have a good night!
09-17-2004, 11:21 PM
Hey ladies, how is everyone??? i'm doing ok, just got back from watching Super Size Me... Very interesting and I was surprised at the facts the movie portrayed. The second day he ate at McD's, he yacked everywhere. I'm sorry this is short but it's been a very long day and even my diet mt. dew isn't helping me stay awake! that's sad!
Chris- I'm notorious for baking! I grew up watching my mom bake literally everything.. I can bake anything..... from a package :) LOL I hope your weekend is going well, I too will surrender and take the day as it is.
Tracy-Hey, I'm glad your feeling better! My thoughts and prayers are with you.. the sun will always be up on your side... sometimes you have to look up.
Christy-The weather is awful!!! They made us go home from work today early because our city was flooding! We have rain for 3 days straight and after day 1, 1/2 the streets are flooded and blocked off. Stay dry!!
Anna-Hey, that's cool your a case manager! What exactly do you do?? The methadone clinics don't exactly have the greatest reputation and the patients use it for the wrong reasons sometimes. I live in Huntington, about 30,000 people in the city. But we have patients that come from KY and OH also... Pain pills(OC's, Lortabs) are really really bad here... Poor economical area + no recreation=bad stuff. LOL We have whole families that go to the clinic....literally.
Ceejay-I'm glad your feeling better! I would love to sleep the whole afternoon! Well sometimes at work, I almost do.. Oops. LOL
A big Hi to Jennelle, Kat, Skippy, Michelle, Sandi, Linoleum.. I hope your ladies are ok! It's still raining outside and I think I'll build an ark now... :)
Stay safe, stay dry, God Bless!
09-18-2004, 08:59 AM
Good morning~ I slept so well last night. The temp got down to around 50 and we had the bedroom windows open. Heavenly sleeping weather!
ceejay -- You sound terrific! I'm glad you're coming along so quickly! So how much more recovery time do you have before you head back to work?
Tracey -- Way to work on a positive attitude, chickie! I love to do that with my Bible also. It always amazes me (although it really shouldn't!) how, if I let it, it will open right to what I need to hear at that moment.
Chris -- Sorry about the hubby troubles! It seems like sometimes they can't see past the end of their own nose (or maybe it's the end of a lower body part?). I hope you had a great time on your girls' night out. That sounds like fun. It is a very rare occasion that I get to do something with friends or my sister without my girls along. We always have such a good time though!
anna -- Mmmm...cheesecake is probably the only sweet thing that I have trouble resisting. Most other things I can take or leave, but not that! LOL
Vanessa -- The rain here has finally stopped, but everything is so saturated I don't know when we'll dry out. In our area, we have the dubious honor of being the state leader for meth labs. You can't pick up a paper or turn on the TV without hearing about another one being busted in someone's home. There have been several just down the road from where we live. It makes me feel so bad for some of the kids in my class because you just don't know what kind of circumstances they are living under at home. I mean, if your parents are making and selling drugs out of your basement or dining room(!), how much time can you really spend working on school stuff? And how much help will you get? It's really very sad for everyone involved.
Kat -- I'm so glad you're back to posting regularly with us! We really missed your input, you know!
Today I'm hanging out with the girls. We've gotta get groceries and clean up...the usual weekend stuff. Nothing too terribly exciting! Hello to everyone else and I hope you gals have a great day!
09-18-2004, 09:50 AM
Well, I wanted to go to my mom's and hang out today, but we all have colds. I really wanted to get away from DH, who's still playing with his stereo. Anyway, I'll try and get some sun. Have a good weekend!
How was that brisket, Anna?
09-18-2004, 10:52 AM
Christy- Meth Labs are notorious here too!! The local grocery stores have took all the cold medicines off the shelf and now you have to actually walk up to the pharmacy and request Sudafed or DimeTapp. I think the stimulants in those OTC meds contribute to making Meth and kids here totally abuse them as well to get a rush.. I have a patient who starting abusing pain pills when they were 9years old, often going to school high. It literally floored me. The rain has finally stopped here also for now, but there is a 100% chance it will continue later today and tommorow.
I just thought I would drop a little note since I just woke up. I will post more later on tonight when my day has been complete and I have more to tell!
Chris-How was your ladies night out?
Anna-How was your dinner??
Until next time....
09-19-2004, 04:26 PM
Yesterday DH and I hiked in the Angeles National Forest. It was a good workout plus so beautiful. I really felt close to HP.
Right now I am preparing a healthy soup for the week. It's one of my favorites and full of healthy veggie goodness. ;)
Christy, :grouphug: thanks, that meant a lot!
:wave: to everyone else - have a hot stove to tend to but wanted to say hi to everyone. :D
09-19-2004, 11:54 PM
Hi Kat, hi ladies. I'm having a pretty good weekend. I was in a dismal mood for quite a while, then I was reading some info at the Marriage Builders site that cheered me up. It said it was natural to feel like you didn't want things to work out when you were having problems. Knowing that I wasn't a cold beeatch made me feel so much better. Anyway, I'm going to try the techniques suggested with DH, and see what I can do.
Also, I was reading more of the "Our Stories" thread, and I'm in awe. I haven't seen Linoleum here in a while, but I hope you're still lurking.
Hugs and kissies!
09-20-2004, 12:35 PM
Tracy, I'm so glad to hear you sound more encouraged, my thoughts and prayers are with you! oxo
I'm sorry to all of you that I haven't been keeping up well with my replies, but I have been reading through the replies, I just haven't replied back, I am sorry. :(
I'm going to try and come back later today, but if not, just know that I am thinking of ALL of you and hoping you have a great and blessed day! :angel:
I'm trying "again" to start brand new today and get back in control of my eating. :faint:
(today I hate sweets, they are poison for me!) :D <---evil smile :o
Love, skippy oxo :love:
09-20-2004, 05:28 PM
Hey girls! Where is everyone at?? I hope everyone is doing ok, my thoughts are with you guys. My weekend went well, nothing insane or out of whack. I had dinner with my mother and brother at AppleBees last night, and it was a really good experience to say the least. The weather is finally back to normal for right now, chilly mornings and breezy afternoons. Tracy, I'm glad things are going good! I hope things will start working out for you guys.
Kat-Ahhh, vegetable soup... One of my favorites on a cold day. I'm still a campbell's girl and sometimes Progessive. LOL
Chris, Michelle, Jennelle, Ceejay, Christy, Anna-------> Are you guys ok??
Skippy-Hey gal, I'm glad your here and posting! Everyday is a new day!
Until next time ladies,
09-20-2004, 06:02 PM
internet's been down all day here at work.
my mom came. it was interesting. she triggers me. I love her but I cannot deal with her. Are there any messageboards for mother-problems?
i finally admitted to my boyfriend that I'd been bingeing. he was really sweet about it. so understanding, I was blown away. but still, despite his insistence, I don't picture myself calling him instead of bingeing. sometimes I can manage journaling--but I don't know that I could reveal those kind of feelings out loud.
anyhow I'll try to write more tomorrow. My thoughts and best wishes are with everyone here. Stay healthy and have fun. You guys are the best!
09-20-2004, 06:29 PM
Hey all...I wasn't hiding out...I was in KC for the weekend...just me and hubby! It was kind of nice without the kids (they're 17 and 15).
I am at school afterhours, so I may or may not post more later tonight. I got no grading done this weekend, so I have some catching up to do!