Weight Loss Support - Husbands insecurity after my weight loss

09-07-2004, 12:49 PM
I started going to a local gym about 18 months ago and after a lot of hard work I have managed to drop about 30#. Within the last 6 months my husband has become very insecure about our relationship and I can't help but think it's related to my weight loss. He used to be the most self confident man and that was something I found very attractive but he is losing that and I would love to get it back! I keep inviting him to join the gym with me but he won't. He also has weight to lose and I know he would feel much better if he could just get started. I still want to lose more weight but I am afraid of putting a bigger wedge between us. By the way we have three small children and how he thinks I could be fooling around is beyond me. Is anyone out there having this problem?

09-07-2004, 05:13 PM
i have had this problem for years even before i lost any wight im still 15 stone and my dh has in the past even accused me of having affairs all i can say is hang in their it does get better keep reasuring him that its him that you love but dont stop doing what makes you feel better about yourself ie the gym id suggest councelling but if hes anything like mine was that wouldnt get you very far please feel free to talk to me anytime you wish and good luck

09-07-2004, 09:02 PM
This is a very common problem -- actually TWO common problems. Many spouses become insecure when their partner loses weight, either assuming they are doing it BECAUSE they are having an affair, or that once they are thin they will be dissatisfied with their life/partner and want to "trade up." The other problem many people experience is with overweight partners/relatives/friends. Sometimes it's just jealously or shame -- you've got your act together, they don't. Sometimes it's feeling that the relationship is changing because your habits are no longer similar. Personal relationships get very wrapped up in food, and when you no longer eat the same way, the person left behind can feel ... left behind.

You might want to pick up a book called Fattitudes -- it mentions these problems, as well as having a chapter specifically for spouses/partners to read to help understand what you're experiencing.