100 lb. Club - Did I do something terrible??




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mezmerize
08-27-2004, 03:48 PM
Hi everyone, my router was once again out so I couldn't get online. (Well I could but my connection would drop after a couple minutes) I was so stressed. I really love reading the post everyday it inspires me.
I was so stressed with my internet being basically out I started to munch. (It was healthy food I was munching on)
Well today I got everything fixed. (Fingers crossed) and I entered my points and I was over! (I have extra points banked but I don't use them) So I quick went and weight myself. I was down a couple more lbs. I was happy and relieved I didn't gain!! I walked out and my husband asked what? I told him. You know what he did. HE YELLED AT ME!! Saying that your not suppose to weight yourself everyday and on and on... I'm so upset right now I'm crying like a baby. Did I do something that terrrible?? I know some ppl weight themself everyday. If I had gained it I wouldn't of stopped I just would of worked harder. I told him all those things. He yelled. You know sometimes I don't think he wants me to lose. He leave candy bars and pop, chips you name it next to my computer. Right now he has m&m and chocolate stars sitting on the end table next to me. I'm sorry I don't mean whine. I just needed to let go. Thanks for reading this.
Mez


Inca's Momma
08-27-2004, 04:01 PM
I don't think you did anything wrong at all. Sometimes ya gotta get on the scale if you think you've been really good/bad just to help keep yourself on track. If he leaves candy in sight, just open a drawer and dump it in. You are doing great don't let him discourage you hun. :grouphug:

glynne
08-27-2004, 04:46 PM
You didn't do anything wrong. Each person has to do what works best for them. I'm sorry your husband yelled at you, and sorry that he isn't more understanding ~ leaving goodies around when you are sturggling trying to leave them alone. You hang in there!!! We are here for you.


LakeGirl
08-27-2004, 06:33 PM
You did absolutely nothing wrong and did not deserve to be yelled at.

Now, I have a question. Is your hubby overweight? I ask this because my husband is more overweight than I am and has tried in the past to sabotage my dieting efforts. He may be insecure, thinking that if you are leading a more healthy lifestyle then he really should as well and maybe that really doesnt intererst him. So if he tries to motivate you not to change then he is once more back in his comfort zone.

Just a few thoughts only based on my own experiences. This may not be your husband's issue at all.

djs06
08-27-2004, 08:08 PM
Aw, Mez, sorry to hear DH isn't being as supportive as he should be.


And no, you aren't doing anything terrible. If he is concerned he should approach you about it in a non intimidating fashion, much like hes NOT doing. He should not be yelling, there is no reason for that.

jiffypop
08-27-2004, 08:20 PM
hmmmm... let's look at this.. you caught yourself munching. right? doesn't matter what you were munching, you felt out of control. and you CAUGHT YOURSELF AND STOPPED. right? and you gave yourself a reality check on the scale. right?

and you're dealing with junk food by your computer????

my vote: put your husband in the doghouse with the junk food. and tell him to keep his mouth shut unless he's stuffing food into it.

you done good. stop crying. tell him to stick it sideways and to leave you alone.

sorry if i'm sounding a bit harsh., i realize that it's MUCH more complicated than this. but honey bunch: you regained control. you did what you had to do. and that deserves applause and support, not being shredded...

Amanda Panda
08-27-2004, 08:22 PM
Aaaah Mez - you know you didn't do anything wrong!

I'm sorry your husband ruined your happy discovery - he had no right to do that!

Don't let his moodiness ruin your accomplishment - CONGRATULATIONS on dropping some more pounds - you are doing really well and should be proud of yourself!

I'd also like to say HI LAKEGIRL! :wave: it is so great to see you here!

Love Amanda x

Sheila53
08-27-2004, 08:45 PM
What Jif said!

Be very, very proud of yourself for noticing what you were doing and stopping yourself. I know I'm very impressed!

henzlette
08-27-2004, 08:55 PM
Hi Mez. This is my first post ever. I just found this awesome site and joined right off the bat! I know where you are coming from! This has happened to me a few times as well. My husband says he likes me big. He's supportive in a way but he tells me NEVER to weigh and gets gripy at me if I do say I weighed at the Y. Now I don't fully know your situation so please don't think I am trying to act like I do, but during my healthly lifestyle change, I have realized that sometimes people aren't happy for me! When I was sad or down, I may have seemed to need them more, so they seem to fear my stepping on my own a little more. I think that might frighten the people closest to us, especially the longer we've been leaning on them. I may have just not made sense at all! Just know I know where you are coming from and I will say a little prayer that ALL gets much better with him very soon. And CONGRATS on the next pounds lost! AMAZING feat! WONDERFUL!
Love,
henzlette (Donna Lynn)

howie6267
08-27-2004, 10:41 PM
Dito on what everyone else is saying Mez. Your doing great and keep up the good work.

mezmerize
08-27-2004, 11:36 PM
Thanks for all your support.
Inca’s Momma – Good idea about dumping it. I think I’ll keep an empty bag by my computer and when his treats are there I’ll just put them all in the bag and take them into the kitchen.
Glynne – thanks for your kindness…and being there for me.
Djs06 –as soon as I can talk to him w/o crying when I think about it I’m going to ask him to say thing in a non intimidating way. Maybe I was just being to sensitive and he might of not been that mad just looking out for me… I’d really like to give him the benefit of doubt.
Donna Lynn - my husband says the same thing to me about being big. He did say one day after I had a loss he said are you going to leave me if you get skinny. I thought he was joking. I guess he might need some reassuring. I don’t want him to think that. I really love him. He can be so supportive but then when I lose he really doesn’t say anything. He has always left treats out next to my desk right now there are chocolate chip cookies from the bakery. I’ve been able to ignore these things from the start. I have a secret weapon so to speak. I seen picture of one pound of fat. When I look at those cookies with longing I pop up my Desktop Picture… YUP it’s that ugly fat!! It a major gross out!
Jiffy that made me smile… thank you.
LakeGirl – yes he’s over weight and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to diet. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Amanda Panda – Thanks for the congrats.
Sheila – It’s all of you guys that make me strong enough to stop. Thanks
Howie – Thanks, one day I hope to be as strong as you! Company Picnic and all that food!! You’re a strong strong man!! YEAH
Mez

Annie-Rose
08-28-2004, 06:22 AM
Hi Mez,
I agree with everyone else!!!!!
You are doing so well and will be in the 'teens' soon!!! I just know it! :goodvibes
My good friend told me recently that she worries when I start a diet that I'll fail (as to be fair I have in the past) and get really upset and be down on myself. (Lets face it, it is such a emotional issue.) I think as far as she was concerned, telling me not to diet was about telling me she loved me as am. (Especially some of the awful, ridiculous diets I've been on...cabbage soup anyone!) I still think she's wrong but It helped me understand why she wasn't that enthusiastic.

Its just a pain when others act weirdly to weight loss. I have a work mate who says things like "But I think you suit being a big girl." or "You won't be you if you lose all that weight" and when I turn down cakes or biscuits at break she really tries to push them on me! but you know what I think? to quote someone earlier "They can shove it sideways!!!" :crazy:
Mez and everyone else we may be beautiful/amazing to them as we are but we know we have a lot more to give to ourselves and the world AND WE ARE GOING TO DO IT!!!

I'd also just like to take to opportunity to thank you Mez and all the other lovely, lovely people who are here to encourage others. Its a special thing! :thanks:
Lots of love

Jennelle
08-28-2004, 08:58 AM
Annie-Rose....The only thing the cabbage soup diet is good for is keeping people away from you, if you know what I mean! P.U.! :lol:

Jen
08-28-2004, 07:13 PM
I agree that you did nothing wrong and your dh had no right to yell at you. He is not being supportive in even a tough love kind of way by acting like that. As for leaving goodies for you it seems he is trying to sabotage your efforts to lose weight and he may not even realize what he is doing. I've been through some other problems with my own dh lately and I have found that sensitive issues are handled best in a calm non-confrontational manner. Best wishes!

LakeGirl
08-28-2004, 08:37 PM
Mez,

If I hit the nail on the head, then I can definately sympathize with you! My husband has been on one huge sabatoge effort all day today! I had to work this morning till 12:30, then my intentions were to get caught up on house work so I can take it easy tomorrow and not be behind come Monday, so I can get to the gym after work. Instead, he talked me into going swimming with he and the kids. Well, not really talked me into it, guilted me into it. Not that I mind spending time with he and the kids-I love to, but I am not a big fan of public pools and he knows this. But, I went. So towards the end of the afternoon, he says "Now isnt this better than doing laundry?" I said yes, but the laundry is still there for me tomorrow, to which he replied, "Well, maybe we will do something tomorrow as well." I replied with "Well then you won't have clean laundry this week as I am getting back to the gym starting Monday." He then said "You didnt pick a very good week to start going back with my friends here from England." (his friends have been in Chicago the last few days and are returning to us on Monday until Friday.) So now, I am to drop everything, including my health to entertain. I don't think so. Thirty minutes on the tread mill will not take that much from their visit as I am determined!

I think spouses, especially overweight spouses, often get scared. With both partners overweight, you are like each others vices. It's okay to pig out on crap because your partner is doing it too. When one decided to take the plunge and break the habit, the other probably does get scared.

"What if she leaves me?"

"What if she loses all this weight and then other guys are hitting on her and she falls for someone else?"

Right now, we are safe as not many other men would give us the time of day being 100+ pounds overweight (I say not many, there are men out there who prefer bigger women, but we are talking about losing weight for health purposes). If we are suddenly smaller, our confidence increases, we smile more, people, both male and female are bound to take notice!

I'm sticking to my guns and am not going to let the hubby pull me down with him. What I am truly hoping is that he choses to follow me on this journey, but I also know that no one can do that for him. He has to make that decision all by himself.

Jen
08-28-2004, 09:38 PM
LakeGirl, you hit on a topic I've talked about before and that is putting everything on hold because something in your life comes up ie like relatives or friends visiting. I'm so glad that you have the attitude that you can still get out of the house for 30 minutes to hit the gym. I think your husband can entertain HIS friends while you look after yourself.

howie6267
08-29-2004, 03:08 AM
I don't feel all that strong but thanks Mez. Just take one day at a time and you get a little stronger with each success.

lessofsarahtolove
08-29-2004, 10:23 AM
LakeGirl, I really think you got to the core of it. I know that my partner really wants me to succeed, and is so, so proud of and impressed with my success -- she tells me and she shows me in lots of little ways. She also REALLY misses the times when we'd chow down on all kinds of goodies TOGETHER, and she really misses the fattening, artery-clogging cream-based dishes that I once made with love. She was at once loving what I was doing, and really missing what we USED to do. And she also presented temptation sometimes, wanting us to order out from places that had lots of off-plan goodies that I love, or she subtly controlled my time, effectively throwing my scheduled exercise off track.....and then she finally asked me, "You're not going to leave me for someone else are you?" Followed by, "When you're 135 pounds, what are you going to want with me?"

My heart broke. We got through that conversation, and then another and another. Since then she's really making an effort -- on her own -- to make healthier eating choices and limit her portions. She's losing too, and I'm so proud of her! She'll never dive into it like I have, but she's getting started in her way, and she's excited about making progress. She still asks that once in a while, but now that I know she needs that extra reassurance, I can try to be proactive in making her realize that this is not about her size, it's about mine.....and that some of the largest factors motivating me to lose weight are a desire to be healthier throughout our lives TOGETHER and to be around longer so we can grow old together!

We're not on this road alone -- we have companions, and they're just as affected by the changes we're making as we are.

tolose85
08-29-2004, 01:44 PM
There is some really good advice here. Hey, we've all been known to slip up once in a while. That's not the concerning part (to me anymore) the concern is whether or not you get right back on it, put it behind you and onward march-- guess what? YOU DID! That is awesome. You regained control and by now, you are probably not even letting that pesky husbandism bug you anymore... My husband is on my case a lot about "over picking" at something (even fruit). He's always looking out for me but the more I lost, the more the questions began.. Just as Sarah explains. He feels that he is going to "lose" me. NEVER... Maybe Hubby is just "dealing" with this lifestyle change a little different that you'd have anticipated.. It's hard to read men (except for Howie of course) LOL!! Love ya howie!!

Keep up the great work Mez.. I am following your progress and you are doing very well!!

jiffypop
08-29-2004, 03:56 PM
oh this is such a BIG topic. the wls community is infamous for breakups... it's just too many changes too fast for some couples. and for these couples, there were major ISSUES before the surgery, and everything simply got worse afterwards.

losing weight the old-fashioned way is more gradual than with wls.. and maybe that has a lot to do with it. couples have more chance to deal with it day by day rather than all at once.

one woman dealt with this issue BRILLIANTLY and i use her and her husband as examples a lot in the real life support group i moderate.

this is what she did: she told her husband that she was doing this for her health, and that they would approach this the way they have faced every other challenge in their lives: TOGETHER. she explained that she needed his love and support, and he's been at every support group with her. other men have hidden the car keys from their wives!!!! [in some couples, the wife was so disabled by her weight that the husband was responsible for all the driving, and they would do everything together. once she became mobile and able to do her own driving- that's when the troubles really started].

even for those of us who aren't in couple-type relationships, everything else changes. friendships, family dynamics. it's hard. but we gotta keep focused.

LakeGirl
08-29-2004, 08:39 PM
It's all such hard work sometimes and what I have trouble with is that in many ways, it shouldn't have to be. Losing weight is hard enough, fighting mental battles with those afraid to see us lose is just unnecessary.

I'm so happy for all of you that have the support of your partners and hope I can join you in the future, along with Mez. When my hubby moved here from England, he was overweight, but not terribly so. He was completely mobile, could walk around Disney without sweating up a storm and getting grouchy. Since we have been married, he has gained each year, and I know he is now off the scale. The scarier thing is that he is diabetic (he was diagnosed just over a year ago). He needs to get his eating under control, but if he wants to continue to eat terrible things, he can do that on his own. I have made the decision and followed through with it, that I am not buying anymore crap from the grocery store. It's healthy stuff, period. If he wants junk, he'll have to sneak it and I can't stop him from doing that. I just pray he sees the light before he has a narrow health escape or worse.

mezmerize
08-30-2004, 12:39 PM
Thanks everyone for your support! I truly thought I was alone with this problem. I guess I never thought this would happen when I started to lose weight. I sat down with my husband and we talked and talked. I think we got everything straightened out. He is fighting his own battle he feels guilty for not dieting he also see my success and is very happy for me but sometimes he said he gets jealous.... (He hates feeling that) The day he yelled it wasn't meant to come out like that. He said he was sorry. I learned a lot about him and he learn a lot about me. He knows I'm determined to lose and I will be a different person with each lbs lost. But just because I'm different doesn't mean I'm going to leave him. I told him even thought he's not on this diet with me I've noticed he's has been making better choices and he's actually taking baby steps w/o noticing. Maybe in time he'll go further but it has to be on his time and I'll be there to support him in everyway. It was a really nice talk and I'm so happy we did it. I did feel foolish after I posted my "dirty laundry" in my moment of weakness, but when I look back I see that I use to think of this as MY weight loss journey now I know it's my husband and mine. The post has brought us closer by bringing this out into the open. Thanks everyone for your shoulder, your advice and sharing our own experiences.
Mez

howie6267
08-30-2004, 12:53 PM
I'm so glad to here that you both talked it through. Good for you. It will make your relationship much stronger.

lessofsarahtolove
08-30-2004, 01:38 PM
I agree with Howie......it's the talking that brings you closer, and I'm really glad that you turned to us for support, my little Mezster. That's what we're here for. And it really is a shared journey.....that's a really big thing to know and realize. Big hugs to you AND your husband! (Now tell him to quit leaving that crap by the computer, ok?? Or better yet: don't allow it in the house! Ok, no more soapbox. :soap: )

:grouphug: