And it's only 12:30 in the afternoon. I don't know what it is sometimes when I have to study, but I just go off the deep-end and eat, and eat, and eat. This makes me so incredibly frustrated, and I think of the people on this board, admiring your strength and courage, and wondering what makes you different, what makes you succeed.
I know the way to do it, I understand in great detail what makes one successful at losing weight. But I can't do it. Well, let me correct myself, I can do it, but sometimes I feel like I can't. I believe many of you can relate to this, and it really sucks, doesn't it?
I have to put aside a negative attitude, at least for now, or I will never get any studying done and my exam is tomorrow. It's just that I hate reading for this class...than I start thinking why am I even doing this University program at all? I don't even like it..than I question what I am doing with my life...it makes me unhappy...and so on....you get the idea.
In the midst of all this angst and sadness and irritation, I began to see the glass half full instead. What is not so bad about this situation and what can I do to make it better?
-I binged all morning instead of right before bed, which is much better I think. At least I have the rest of the day to hopefully STOP binging and not wake up feeling sick. Maybe I can turn things around, actually get some work done and perhaps even a workout. I have to believe I am strong and if I tell myself no more going crazy and eating everything in sight, I have to know in my heart I am capable of it.
I think I finally know the secret to success. I think it means accepting you messed up and figuring out right there and than that you have the power to change it, not later on, not tomorrow, but right this instant. I guess the power really does lie in our hands.
Right now this is all talk, and no action. How do I know I will even listen to myself or what I am saying right now? I don't...But God knows I am going to try.
I am sorry for the pessimistic ramble. I just feel yucky right now.
I hope you are all having a better day than I am.
08-13-2004, 04:32 PM
And the day just got worse. I did ok for awhile, then i started eating like crazy all over again. Blah. Stress of not wanting to study but trying is getting to me.
08-13-2004, 07:34 PM
I know what you mean when you talk about bingeing. I do it all the time. Everytime I do it to, I say to myself that I am deffinatly going to start to diet tomarrow, but then I brake one little rule in my diet and that taints the whole day with me sayign that I srewed up once, so I will just start tomarrow. The thing you have to remeber is that you cant tell yourself that everytime or you get no where. But if you happen to just want to eat one day, then there is always a tomarrow to make it better and start fresh. Your life doesnt stop just beacuse of one night. My father always tells me that it isnt what you eat in one night, it is the way that you eat everynight. So if you have a party and decide to have some cake, then that is ok, just dont have that cake everynight. lol well I hope that I help just a lil bit in all of this rambling on and on. If you want I can try to help you with anything I can. Good luck tomarrow and tonight!
08-13-2004, 08:25 PM
Thank you so much for the reply. And your father does have some sound advice, I appreciate that, and it makes much sense. It is the span of how we eat over time that defines our weight, generally not a screw up occassionally. You do not gain 5 pounds of fat in a day, in a couple months, yes, but not overnight.
How are you doing? How long have you been trying to make a lifestyle change? What are your goals and aspirations like?
I am around oh I don't even know exactly I never did weigh regularly for a long time so anywhere between 135 - 140 lbs. sheesh. I am about 5'2 and a half.
Good luck and talk to you soon. Thanks again hun :)
08-13-2004, 09:15 PM
I am fine thank you! how are you? I am really glad that I helped just a little bit! Well here is my info... I am 5'2 140lb 14years old. I have been dieting for about a year and I started out at 164. I would be at my goal weight (115lb) if I had stayed on my diet. lol! But unfortuetly, I gained weight. My losest weight was 125 right before chirstmas, and from about there on, I havent got back to dieting. Today I am trying to offically start it again. My plan is just eat healthier food and exericse as much as I can. I did lose weight on the South Beach diet but I found out that it was way to hard to stick to. So enough about be...what about u?
08-13-2004, 09:34 PM
That's so cool, our stats are very similar, we're about the same height and weight. This is just about the highest I have ever been in terms of weight, but I gave up healthier habits about 2 years ago when I was consistently 120 lbs but was obsessed with dieting and instead of going below 120 I eventually gained 20 lbs. I now know better, I know that all or nothing thinking will get you no where, and obsessive restriction of calories is just as bad.
We should help each other out because I would like to weigh about 115 lbs as well. Do you count calories? I was going to start doing that again more strictly, like around 1500. WHat do you think? How fast do you try to lose per week, about a pound?
Anyways, I look forward to chatting with you :)
08-14-2004, 04:01 AM
Cyndy, I BINGED TOOO!!! AND I CAN'T STOP!!!! I've HAD 4000 calories today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!!!!
I feel utterly hopeless. I've been bingeing for 3 days now. I've lost all my self control. I hate myself. I can't stop crying, and I can't stop eating.
08-14-2004, 06:49 AM
missyK, I am so sorry to hear how upset you are. I just wanted to give you some ((hugs)). I have leaving for my exam soon but I will write to you later. At least know that you are not alone. We will help each other. Take care.
08-14-2004, 04:33 PM
Hey Missy K, I am so sry to hear that you are upset too. But I know where you are coming from beacuase I have done that and cried myself to sleep so so many times. I dont know if this could work, but when that happens you can try to go out for a movie or go shopping to keep yourself away from food. I know they have snacks for the movie but I suggest that you just take money for the ticket. That is what I always to! Well I am here if you need anything! I hoped i helped a lil bit and that you will feel better and not worry about a few day!
08-14-2004, 05:56 PM
*sniff sniff* thanks...you guys are the BEST!!! :^:
Yeah, Hcred123, I DO cry myself to sleep. Mainly because It hurts so much, both physically and emotionally. Why must we have these self-sabotage attitudes? Sigh... :(
08-14-2004, 06:01 PM
Missy K, I also would like to add that you have to look GREAT! 113! I cant even amagin weighing that! My goal weight is 115 and I want to be toned. I am 5'2 too! But I am 140. But I am sure that you look AWESOME!
08-14-2004, 09:58 PM
I know what you mean hcred123, I can't even imagine being 113!! I don't think I have weighed that since I was in grade school. At least I didn't binge too bad today, although when I cam home from my exam I ended up eating so many chips and other stuff. Ugh, why do I do that? Anyways, at least I stopped after that. And I am going out to a night club with a couple of my girl friends, but since I am driving at least I can't have a lot to drink which will save me some calories :lol: Both my friends are smaller than me, which sux, but I am kinda used to it. The funny thing is, and I totally don't mean this in a conceited way at all, but at least I still get just as much attention from the guys as they do lol, which makes me not feel like such as outcast.
My one friend is about 5'3, maybe 5'2, and weighs around 95 lbs. SHe is the smallest 24 yr old I've ever seen! And she has always been that way naturally. But when I spend like a weekend with her at a cottage or where ever, I notice she really doesn't eat that much and is so picky. Like once we were eating these mexican tortilla things, and because hers was so juicy from the veggies and was kinda spilling out the other end (and on her white skirt!) that she didn't want it anymore...i am like whaaat!? just because its juicy and spilling out the other end of the tortilla? Like hold it in a napkin or something!!! lol, skinny people are weird hehehe im so just joking I love her!
Anyways, I am going to really start concentrating more on eating healthier and exercising now that it is less stress having my course done and all...but school starts soon so I am going to have to learn to control binges when i am stressed.
I will write more tomorrow
Good night ladies
08-14-2004, 10:30 PM
Hey, I hoped you have fun at the club! I know what you mean about the friends that are smaller than you. All of my friends are. That is one of the reasons that i want to lose so that I can fit in a bit more with them. lol I dont want to sound petty, but I dont get any attention from guys. They are always the ones that do. I am only 14 so I really really hope that highschool will change that a bit, but I am not getting my hopes up.
today wasnt that bad with my dieting. I didnt have anything that bad except a capicinno with wipp cream, chocolet and carmal on it. :( but it was good and I did exercise today. I did 50 sit up and walked 3.75 miles on the tredmil. Hopefully if I can keep it up I will see some results soon! And another thing I wanted to say I used to have a friend that was really really really skinny. and mean that. I used to stay over at her house all the time and she never ate anything. She could go and wake up and then her mom would tell her to eat at 2 pm. When I got home I was almost starved to death! Ok that is enough for me! btw GREAT JOB!!! even though you had a lil bit of a snack, you were able to stop. And also you are deffinaty goign to burn those caliories off dancing if that is the type of club you are goign to!
08-14-2004, 10:43 PM
Cyndy, I just posted these on another thread. Pay close attention to numbers 7 and 8. And I knew I'd forget some of my words I live by until hcred123 reminded me of one important one. Once we've lost a sizeable amount of weight, we will NOT gain it back from falling off the wagon. It's the staying off the wagon that does it. So hop right back on.
I'm taking two classes at night myself. I throw an apple, some pre-packaged carrots and ranch dip, and a yogurt into my book bag cause I wanna much in class. Try some of those types of snacks when studying. Go ahead and eat, just find healthier eats when you're in munch craze.
1. Buy a really nice outfit one size smaller than you wear and keep it in plain sight everyday until you can fit into it, then buy another one a size smaller than that...and so on.
2. If you ever start gaining a bit, do NOT EVER justify buying a size larger to fit into. Wear them in discomfort until you get the pounds back down. Once you make one justification, you'll continue to do so until you're back up there.
3. You didn't get overweight overnight, you won't get skinny overnight. So if you ever get discouraged, remember that.
4. Water tastes good. If it doesn't now, it will by the time you flush all the toxins out of your system.
5. Exercise maybe painful, but it boosts your energy so you can actually get more done, it makes you healthier, it adds years to your life, and it gets you whistled at.
6. If you find it hard to exercise, try a change of times or places. I found getting up at 5:00 a.m. to jog outside in the dark, rain and snow wasn't my thing, but going to the club right after work, before I sit down at home or have dinner is doable.
7. Never ever ever go hungry, just eat right. If you're hungry in between, eat veggies or fruit as much or often as needed. Drinking lots of water helps fill you up too.
8. 100% whole wheat...it's filling. Cut down on breads and pastas and change the ones you do eat to whole wheat. Check the ingredients. They often lie on the front just to pull you in.
9. Speaking of...get to reading those ingredients in everything.
10. Park several blocks from work and get in some walking. Find the furthest parking spots from all your favorite stores and ALWAYS return your buggy. Four times across the entire lot is good exercise.
08-14-2004, 10:56 PM
Wow those are really really cool tips! thanks alot! I am going to print them out and put them on my wall!
08-15-2004, 09:38 AM
almostheaven - thank you so much! I really appreciate that you took the time to post that for me. The tips are excellent, and I am going to follow hcred123 and print them out!
hcred123 - It sounds like you did really well with eating yesterday, good for you, I am so proud! And don't even worry about the cappacino that certainly isn't a mess up, just a little treat...it's not like you overate and that's really what causes weight gain in the end.
You don't sound petty saying that you would like more attention from guys. Sometimes its just the age and I was the exact same way at 14. I guess I was a bit shy and maybe not so confident either. As I got older (I am 21 in the next couple of weeks) things just changed so drastically. Even as I gained weight I learned to be comfortable in my own skin, I had to realize that 140 lbs isn't that bad. But now I am ready to make a change and I feel great about it.
I have to add that you are so incredibly nice and supportive. If I didn't know your age I would think you are at least 20 yrs old. That could be another reason that guys shy away at this age because you act more mature than them. Basically, just give it time, and try to be yourself - I know, you've probably heard that statement too many times - but I guess it is true. I wish I didn't care so much about what other people thought when I was growing up, because looking back I see how much it didn't matter.
Take care and have a great day!
08-15-2004, 09:41 AM
Oh I almost forgot!!! I weighed in this morning, and even though I have only been trying for a week (and screwing up everyday) I still managed to get some things right, and after a week of eating sooo much before that...I lost weight!!!
I weighed in last Monday back up to 140 or close to. I wasn't happy about that but this morning I was expecting maybe a pound or 2 down because I still ate alot throughout the week and even had the major binge day, hence this post!!!
But I weighed in at 135.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Crazy, isn't it??
08-15-2004, 10:09 AM
OMG THAT IS SO GREAT!!! Congradualtions (btw better let you know now that I cant spell! but you get the picture!) That is amazing! I want to know what you are doing cuz I need to start it! Right now I am at 140 and not budging yet. The one habit that I really really really need to break is weighing myself every time I enter the bath room! But really, what are you doing? I would love to know! How often do you weight yourself? I have tried once a week but that doesnt work cuz I am extremely courious.
Thank you for the compliments before. It made me happy just reading them! You are so nice and a great person to talk to! None of my friends get anything that I am going through and it help alot to have someone in kinda the same situation to talk to. For that I thank you very much!
08-15-2004, 10:36 AM
Thank you soo much! hehe I am smiling from your post. Glad we can be there for each other. I have to say, that has been the one thing that has kept me going - this board - and not just reading, but PARTICIPATING!!! That is something I never used to do.
I would really like to give you a background, or history if you will, about me and my previous dieting etc. It is quite a long journey for me to be where I am now, and I have learned a lot.
The thing is I am going with my family out for a few hours so I will have to do it when I get back...
but in the meantime...I have just been, well, cutting back. I try to count calories but by the time i ususally get home from work, I am tired and hungry, so I eat alot and lose track..I would say most days ended up being way over 1500. BUT, keep in mind, I hadn't been dieting for a long time so any decrease would make a difference i think. The one thing i did was try not to eat after my small binge post-work. I had a couple bad days where i ate cookies before bed, and the binge on friday, but I still tried not to eat too much before bed.
Sorry, I really want to write more, but my mom is yelling for me to get going and I still need to get dressed! hehe...I will definitely finish up later!
On a side note, this morning I had:
coffee w/ light cream - 20
2 pieces chicken bacon - 83
egg w/ an egg white & green pepper - 100
toast - 75
yogurt - 25
I think the total is 253 if i added that correctly in my head! Don't be afraid to eat in the morning, and most people don't eat enough which causes more hunger in the evening. I never used to believe that, but now I do. It is honestly making a difference for me just to switch to being a bigger "morning eater" than a "night eater". ALso, don't cut back too much, seriously, because you'll mess up your metabolism. At your age especially, I am sure you can eat at least 1500 calories. What have you been doing up until now in terms of counting or just eating healthier?
Can't wait to help each other out!!
Talk to you soon hun
08-15-2004, 01:20 PM
Hi girls! THanks for the compliment earlier! But that's really not the case. I DON'T look great...I don't get any attention from guys...well except one but I just had to chicken out and reject him last summer.
Cyndy, CONGRATULATIONS!!! WOW you must be thrilled! I haven't weighed myself in a while because...well, I'm afraid to hehe. I always end up eating alot after ( I don't know why).
Yeah, I find posting on this board a really helpful tool to keep on track. I used to only read success stories, but that never helped much. I can't even begin to describe how helpful participating is.
Yeah, Hcred, I thought you were about 20 years old too. Well, I'm sure things will change in highschool because you're such a sweetiepie. Guys like that. When I was 14 I was overweight (BMI of 26-27). I was so insecure that I didn't go out and have fun or make friends. I really regret it now. So, just love yourself and live life to the MAX! The weight will come off!
I'm here for you, girls!
08-15-2004, 02:25 PM
MissyK, I am sorry that you had a hard time when you were younger and overweight. It makes me sad to read that because although now you have slimmed down, you are still the same great person and so much is judged on appearance. I find it hard to believe that you don't get much attention from guys because no matter what you think, (I have to say it) you have a hot body, and a personality to kill. I mean, girl, you've got it all! Sometimes all you have to do is believe you are worth everything and more, and believe me, it comes to you. Like you mentioned yourself, live it up! Enjoy life! Don't make weight your sole priority and wait to have fun or be more outgoing/social once you do. Because I used to be like that and it didn't get me anywhere. We're all still so young and the best times are only to come! Just do me a favour, and tell yourself "I am the sh*t!!!!!" hehehe it's not conceited, its just necessary! lol
08-15-2004, 10:02 PM
Missy K, thanks so much for the compliment. I think you are great! You are really really nice and sweet! I know what you are saying about regret. Just before 8th grade I lost 20 pounds, before that I hated myself and didnt want to be around people at all. When I did lose that weight, I started to talk to people and I was also in two plays at my school which I would of never done if I was still 164. I was so happy to go back to school that year becuase I was wearing size 11 jeans and before I was almost an 18. I think that is what made me start to diet was the fact that I could no long shop in the junior departments. Now I am so scared to go back this year because I gained about 8-10 pounds and I am afraid people will notice. I really had my heart set on going to highschool and feeling completely comfortable with my body. Now with school only 8 days away, I am dreading seeing all of the people there. I just wanted this year to be different.
But then I still think that it can. Do you guys think that it is reasonable to want to lose about 25 pounds but new years? It is just that my resolution for the past 5 years is to lose weight and I would like it to change this year. What are you goals? Do you have a time you would like to lose your weight by? I just know that now that I have you guys to talk to that I will be able to do it. I just love talking to share this stuff with you about our stuggles and hopefully our successes!
08-16-2004, 12:12 AM
I hope I'll be the sh*t one day...but for now...I'm just the undigested food in the large intestine.
Yeah, I DID have a hard time in highschool. There were many instances, but I remember the most hurtful one. I was 14. It was a class camping trip, and on the bus the "hot popular people" were playing truth or dare. One of them dared the guy I had a crush on to announce to the whole bus he liked an ugly girl. So as loud as he could, he told the whole bus that he liked me. It was a 3hr bus ride of humiliation. Some of the "hot guys" were dared to come kiss me (which was the ultimate punishment), but I pushed them away, obviously.
You know what, Hcred? That's a very reasonable goal for that amount of time. You can lose up to 10lbs a month if you REALLY REALLY work at it. But my tip to you is: don't make a deadline because if you'll just set yourself up for disappointment...which leads to overeating. I remember when I set a goal for myself by a certain date. I didn't make it. So I got pissed off at myself and binged. Ended up putting on weight.
I had about 1300 calories today! Whoohoo! But I'm going out now..so I'll try not to eat too much!
Take care, ladies!
08-16-2004, 02:44 AM
set that goal! just dont set it so lofty. make it 5 pounds a very doable goal, and when it turns out to be more......woooooo hoooooo what a lift. sorry for the interrrupt but goals are a good thing. if we dont set our sights on something and take steps to achieve it then we are just like leafs blowing in the wind....."oooooo this looks good......ooooooo that looks good.........ooooooo whats over there......"
08-16-2004, 10:17 AM
Thank you both for your advice! I am going to try and lose around 1.5 to 2 pounds a week, so that is a small goal for me to get to. The new years thing is just an occation to try and get my to focus on what I want and what I am going to have to do to get there.
Missy K- I am so sry to hear about those kids in highschool. So far nothing like that has happened to me. I try to be as nice as possible to people but I am sure that they talk behind my back. My school right now isnt that bad, it is just full of people who are in "groups" and I guess I am ok with that because I have a kinda group of friends that I love and they love me(well I like to think). I cant amagin anyone being so mean to someone as nice and caring as you! How old are you btw? I was just wondering. Thank you again for the advice!
08-17-2004, 02:33 AM
I'm 18 years old.
Yeah, when I was in highschool, EVERYBODY was in a group, and the groups hated eachother etc etc...
It's really annoying, isn't it? All I can say is that I didn't belong in ANY group because they were all obsessed with being climbing the latter of popularity and I was just busy trying not to get picked on. You're very fortunate to have friends that love you. I have great friends now, though. I'd have to say that people were nicer to me after I lost weight. I don't mean from 120lbs, but I was much heavier in highschool. But hey, that's just my highschool.
1.5lbs a week is great. You can definitely do it. Don't forget to reward yourself with little gifts along the way. That's what I do.
Oh and this is how I did today:
B: toast and half a nectarine
L: 12 arrowroot cookies :(
D: roast chicken sandwich
What kind of exercise do you girls do?
08-18-2004, 09:04 AM
hey, I know what you mean when you say that people are nicer to you when youar eskinny. There are people that wouldnt even look at me when I was 164. Once I did lose some weight, I guess I just started to feel more comfortable and aproched people more. Maybe that is why people treat you better? Well I would LOVE to think so.
Yesterday was a tough day. My marching band had to go to a amusment park to play in a parade. Now you would think "Oh that sounds fun!" but it was aweful! First of all I really dont have any good friends in band that I can really talk to, it is just a few people I just say hi to ever now and then. So walking around with them wasnt that great. And then because they didnt want to stand in any of the line, we were there for like 8 hours and rode like 6 rides. By the end of the day I thought I was going to have to bit my legs off because they hurt so bad! The only thing really that kept me going was the fact that I had had ice cream and some other not so great foods and I really wanted to burn them off. btw-marching was so much fun! it was worth the awful 8 hours to be part of something like that!
And guess what! When I got on the scale the smoring, I was at 138! I am so happy that I didnt gain weight from yesterday! And to find out that I had lost half a pound! But remember that the beginning of the day I always weigh less, so it might go up. but I am going to exercise and stay away from junk food. Yesterday was a treat now I have to get back on course.
So how have you guys been? Has there when any big events happening? When does school start for you? lol alright enough questions!
08-19-2004, 02:03 PM
That's great to hear, Hcred! A little exercise goes a long way! Sometimes I binge like crazy but immediately hula hoop afterwards. I wake up the next morning to find that I'm the same weight!
what's been up with me? WEll...the guy I've been sincerely dedicated to for a whole year now has a girlfriend, and ignored me when I tried to talk to him. I don't know what to think anymore because had I just accepted his feelings last year, I would be with him right now. I'm going to try to get over him. The thing that's a real slap in the face is that I've gained weight, and he's toned up and looks really flippin hot. Seeing him made me lose my appetite...I didn't eat last night.
But, I guess I should thank him...he was my motivation to lose.
Well...off to Starbucks I go! TTYL, ladies!
08-19-2004, 07:17 PM
hey, aw I am so sry to hear about him. But I know exactly how you feel. This one guy that I liked for two years was super skinning and I knew that the only way that he would go out with me is that if I would lose weight. When I do lose the weight(hopefully), I dont think that I would go out with him even if he asked me, because if the way I look is the only thing that would make him like me then he isnt worth it!
Just remember that it is his lose, not yours! You are great and there are a ton of guys out there that will see that!
08-22-2004, 03:38 AM
Yeah, you're right, Hcred. But honestly, if I were in that situation and he asked me, I don't think I'd be able to refuse :dizzy: LOL
I just got off work. This is what I ate all day:
Not bad, eh? I know it's very little, but I wasn't hungry. Whenever I think about him I lose my appetite. Seriously. My face gets really puffy after I eat alot. DOes that happen to you guys as well? I try to avoid the puffy face situation as much as possible.
08-22-2004, 12:36 PM
If your face gets really puffy it could be from having a lot of salt. Sometimes it happens to me because I LOVE salt , and never really monitor my intake of it. I love sushi too, and I drench it with soy sauce. Soy sauce could be the culprit.
08-22-2004, 03:13 PM
Thanks, UnCafeCvooPlay (cool name, by the way...it took me a while to figure it out lol)!
I guess salt IS the culprit! I never thought of that. But now that I think back, each time I eat out, by the end of the night, my face is a balloon.