Weight Loss Support - I'm so embarassed that I feel sick....




heather_dw
08-10-2004, 06:33 PM
Ok, a little about me first. I always say im gonna start something to lose weight, but I never do. i want to lose weight but I just cant start, then IF i start I cant stay motivated. Well I think I need to lose about 100 lbs, i want to, i just cant, if that makes sense..

well, today i got a phone call from a relative that I havent seen in at least a few years and she was telling me about the lapband surgery and how i need to get it and that since i dont have health insurance, that I should make a website asking ppl for donations and explaing that my life is on hold because of my weight etc. She even said that I should contact talk shows, to see if they would pay for it! She told me the name of a doctor and is calling in a few days to see what info i found out. I just happlily said "yeah,..uh huh" to whatever she said. Im so embarassed as it is about weight, i dont go anywhere and I do not let a camera get anywhere near me. i wont even look at myself in reflective surfaces like mirrors, computer screen, etc. So this does not help my mental state any. I swear I feel sick to my stomach. Sorry to lay all my junk on you guys, but I really need to talk to someone.

thanks!


Fashionista84
08-10-2004, 07:13 PM
A few years ago, I debuted a new body and a new sense of self. After losing a good deal of weight, I was more self confident and happier than ever. My overall sense of wellbeing was in a much better state since dropping the weight.

Sadly, the honeymoon ended and I gained back just about 85 lbs. I know how you feel, always trying and never staying motivated. I feel so self conscious and I always wonder if my peers are judging me because of the way I look.

The problem with surgery is even if it does work, people have a tendency to feel the same way as they did before going in for an operation: paranoid, low self confidence, etc. Some people like the challenge of weight loss because of the feeling of acomplishment they get after reaching a goal. Perhaps you're setting your sights too high right now, by saying you want to lose 100 lbs. You have to have to have to break it down into smaller goals or you will forever feel overwhelmed. Tell yourself "I will lose 5 lbs." That's it, don't go any higher. Start small, and work your way up gradually. DOn't think of the bigger picture of losing 100 lbs, because you're setting yourself up for failure. Believe me I know.

Right now I'm trying to moderate my intake of junk food and focus on centering my diet around the food pyramid. If you want, check out the book "weight loss kit for Dummies". It's helping me out a lot, and it could work for you. I hope I've helped out a bit. Don't be afraid to come back here for support, that's what we areall here for.

heather_dw
08-10-2004, 07:18 PM
I dont want to go through with surgery,.. it seems like she is trying to give me an easy way out, and just the thought of the surgery creeps me out. A guy i know had it and his liver shut down,.. he lost weight, but he was really sick for a long time. Im just down now,.. *sigh* what i hate most about diets is I hate my tummy never feeling full, i hate eating salad all the time,.. i can barely even look at a salad, because when i did carb diet i had to eat them all the time:-(


funniegrrl
08-10-2004, 08:43 PM
You don't have to eat salad all the time.

You don't have to go hungry all the time.

Surgery is for some people, but you are obviously not in favor of it for yourself. You should tell this relative RIGHT NOW that you appreciate her concern, but surgery is not an option for you.

I agree with the idea of concentrating on smaller goals. It's been shown that an overweight person who loses 10% of their weight experiences significant health improvements. So, let's say you weigh 250. You could make a goal to lose 25 pounds and then see how you feel at that point.

The most important thing about weight loss is attitude. You have to have a positive attitude about the changes you make to lose the weight, and you have to see it as the BEGINNING of a life-long process. That actually helps, because you don't feel under the gun so much of being "on a diet." You have to be determined to make changes that are good for you, and to come to like them. If you have been on diets that kept you hungry past the first week or two, then you're on the wrong program! But, when you are hungry, you can tell yourself all the good things that means, and learn to appreciate it.

I know it sounds hard but it's all doable. I would encourge you to take a look at the program I am on, Jenny Craig. I've been on it for nearly 3 years and have lost 145 pounds so far. I don't automatically recommend it to everyone, but given your situation I think it might help. Right now they have a free 2-week trial period. You can go to the website at www.jennycraig.com and find out more.

DezH
08-10-2004, 08:56 PM
OK, unless you've been actively talking about wanting the surgery and despairing that you would if you could, your relative is a nosy b*tch. What the heck is that all about? Encouraging you to pimp yourself out to the media or solicit donations from the public? What kind of person would a) make those kind of assumptions about what you want to do about your weight and 2) encourage you to make yourself a target for unwanted attention.

Whatever your intentions about your weight- your relative is a whacko. It sounds like s/he is just one of those people who likes to stir things up. Don't take their nonsense personally.

praytherosary822
08-10-2004, 09:06 PM
Hello there. Try just for one day and one meal to do eat healthy, don't worry about yesterday because you can't go back and undo it, and don't worry about tomorrow because it's not here yet, your next meal is not even here yet, so wake up and tell yourself for the next meal I will do the right thing and so on and the better you get at this the easier it will get. Remember you will not be perfect all the time so don't put that pressure on yourself. Also you may want to check into a book, well actually it's two books in one called The Thin Books, the first part deals with building motivation and self esteem and the second part is a daily positive meditation. God BLess and good luck. And pray before you make the life altering decision to have surgery, see if God thinks it's a good idea. I have heard many horror stories.

heather_dw
08-10-2004, 09:21 PM
I'm waaay to scared to do surgery, plus, it isnt really going to slove my eating problems because I also am a big emotional eater. My relative is getting the surgery too, so i guess she thinks i need it because she really isnt that big, but me on the other hand, I am huge. I was thinking the same thing, "why would i want to beg ppl for money? Why would i want to beg to talk shows?" I dont like going in town for groceries, much less post my big a** all over a webpage? I have a camera but i will not dare let anyone take a pic of me.

One of the things that she said that really bothered me was "on the webpage you could put how your life is on hold because of your weight , and obesity is a disease etc" I havent talked to her for more than a few minutes for over 2 years,. how does she know how my life is? I am wondering if my mother has been talking about me to the family and the thought of that upsets me. Like I dont know that I need to change my life, like I dont know that i never leave my house,.. I already know these things,..Once I tell hubby what happened, he is going to be mad at this relative. he called from work and I did not mention it because I know how he is going to react. He is pretty protective of me, especially about this because he knows how sensitive I am about this subject. I have been telling him fr months that we need to lose weight, but I hadnt gotten my butt in gear. I think I may start monday,.. beginning of week, beginning of a healthier me, but as ppl around me know, I have said similar things all of my life.

funniegrrl
08-10-2004, 10:22 PM
I know you would like to be thinner, but rather than leaping into a "I'll start a new diet on Monday" train of thought, I urge you to take some time and think about this for a bit. The type of impulsive action you describe usually DOESN'T last, because it's all about the emotion of the moment. You want to lose weight -- most overweight people do -- but it sounds like you are being pushed into this because of what you think your family is saying about you. Until you really have a feeling deep in your gut that you are determined to make this work no matter what, and that you are doing it for YOUR OWN REASONS, it's hard to sustain. But, even if you don't feel that way now, you can get there.

If you're not going to join Jenny Craig (which I still recommend), pick up a copy of Dr. Phil's weight loss book and read it before you start ANYTHING. Or, pick up a copy of the book Thin for Life. (The book The Thin Books is also very good for helping with compulsive eating issues.) Take some time and really consider what you want out of this, what kinds of changes you'll need to make, what roadblocks you might face and how you're going to deal with them. Rather than start a new "diet" that's only going to last a few days or weeks, strategize about how you can use this opportunity to change your life inside and out. Because, to be successful, that's what it really takes. Make a list of all the reasons you want to lose weight. Make a list of the internal and extermal obsticles you face. Think about all the previous times you tried ot lose weight before and what kept you from your goals. Then, think about how you're going to prevent or minimize those problems this time.

It sounds like your husband is also overweight? Then you need to think about what special challeges that presents. Whether he joins you or not, having another person to deal with regarding food issues adds complexity.

P.S. About your life being on hold because you are overweight ... I know what that's like, trust me. But, the funny thing is ... a few years ago I decided that I was NOT going to let being overweight stop my life, and I started making a larger effort to live as I wanted to. I started paying more attention to clothes and to grooming, and going out more. And you know what? Doing that gave me the boost I needed to start thinking about losing weight. We all think that we need to lose weight to feel better about ourselves and feel as though we're living a full life, but really the opposite is true. The more you do things to improve your life and build your confidence, the more you feel like living the healthy life that will enable you to lose weight. Trust me.

heather_dw
08-10-2004, 10:44 PM
I've wanted to lose weight for a long time. I have had weight issues my entire life. I don't know what program I will do yet, but I will definitely look into the books that have been mentioned in this thread. If I take one small step at a time, maybe I can be successful this time:-)

jiffypop
08-10-2004, 10:56 PM
a lot of really great responses here, and of course i have my own two cents. first. even if you had insurance, many companies don't cover the lapband. but please, it's important to have insurance for many other reasons. many states have programs for people who don't have/can't afford insurance. i urge you, for your health and that of your family, to look into it.

and you're right. and these other ladies are right. surgery isn't the answer for everyone. it STILL requires focus and effort, and if you haven't done anything about controlling the emotional eating BEFORE the surgery, you're gonna have to do it AFTER the surgery when you have a whole pile of other issues to deal with.

may i suggest the 100 pound club? it's at the bottom of the forum list. a great group of folks who know and understand what it's like to have a lot of weight to lose. and there's even a married couple who hang out there.

take it one step at a time. think about one small change you can make, and make a commitment to follow through with it. and then add another and another...

you can do this!!!! and remember: the changes need to incorporate exercise, food, water. it's complicated. but you can do it.

and hang out... post often.

NYCT1981
08-10-2004, 11:36 PM
Who is this person that has the nerve to call you and tell you how to run your life? how dare she tell you that your life is on "hold" when you are living it every day. You shouldn't be embarassed, SHE should. she obviously has some personal issues and is trying to knock others down to make herself feel good. do you have caller ID? if you do, don't answer the phone the next time she calls. we don't need negative people in our lives.

ok, my ranting aside... all of the advice here is great. i definitely agree that small goals is the way to go. baby steps!! i wish you the best of luck in achieving your goals!

Jen
08-11-2004, 12:02 AM
I've had weight issues all my life as well. I can remember my mom telling me when I was 11 years old that I needed to be on a diet. Up until my late teens I was only about 20 lbs overweight but when you are a teenager it feels like it might as well be 120 lbs. I have pictures from when I was about 14 or so and I look perfectly normal yet I still thought I was fat.

Anyway I sent you a private message if you want to chat more.

UnCafeCvooPlay
08-12-2004, 01:32 PM
Hi heather. If you find that none of the plans seem to fit you, you can always try to just count calories. It has really helped me, because I get to decide what I can have. It helps me knowing that I can have whatever I want if I save the calories for it.

goeatanapple
08-13-2004, 10:32 AM
Jiffypop's right ... there are so many people on this forum who've lost 100 pounds or more that they have their own forum!

Weightloss surgery may not be the answer, should always be the last resort. Start slow, "baby steps" ... take it one healthy meal and ten minutes on the treadmill at a time!