100 lb. Club - Sig Other Support?




View Full Version : Sig Other Support?


teapotdynamo
07-28-2004, 05:21 PM
I am wondering if other people on here have trouble with a significant other --unintentionally or intentionally--sabotaging your WL efforts. While my husband is generally very supportive (and is trying to lose weight himself, albeit in a somewhat random and undisciplined manner), he KEEPS BRINGING NO-NO FOOD into the apartment. I know I should have enough discipline to withstand it, but it's *so hard* when there's ice cream in the freezer. If it were up to me, we'd keep nothing other than healthy food in the house.

How do you all deal with this if you have a spouse who isn't as committed as you (or not on a diet at all)? He's otherwise great, a very caring person, but his own struggles with unhealthy food are making it even more difficult for me.


Sheila53
07-28-2004, 05:31 PM
That's a hard one if he has his own problems with food. Can you ask him to go out for ice cream rather than bringing it home? If he brings home foods that don't have to be refrigerated, then he can put them in another room and eat them when he's by himself, but ice cream is a toughie. I asked my DH to put the peanut butter in a place I can't reach and that works out pretty well.

Maybe just an honest talk about what you need from him in the way of support would be helpful.

barbygirl43
07-28-2004, 05:41 PM
Luckily my hubby is supportive. He wasn't in the beginning (oh not about me but about not wanting to eat healthier). If it were me and he kept bringing food in to the house that he knew I would prefer not to eat, I would take it outside and dump it and I hate wasting good food but I know that's what it would take to keep me from eating it, especially ice cream. A few times of him knowing his money is only going to go to waste he'll either a) go out for ice cream as shelia suggested b) not bring it into the house anymore or c)keep letting me waste his money. :)


djs06
07-28-2004, 09:08 PM
I used to date a total jerk who would buy me chocolate, take me out to dinner when I already ate and told him so and talk me into ordering entire meals, going out for ice cream, the whole deal. I can't hold him responsible for my weight but he was VERY unsupportive. the kicker was that no matter what he ate, he was skinny!!! grrr.

I think you should have a gentle talk with DH, tell him that if he buys the food PLEASE keep it away from you. Let him know how serious you are about this committment and that you want him to support you in your journey, and that his support is really important.

lessofsarahtolove
07-28-2004, 11:40 PM
Jennifer, I have an ongoing issue with this myself. My partner is just NOT interested in eating anything even remotely healthy. Our problem isn't so much that she brings in off-plan foods to keep in the house, because I do all the cooking and she hates to grocery shop; instead, it's that she always wants to order out really delicious Italian or pizza. I have identified some healthy options at each place that delivers to us, but it's still another challenge to face in making the decision to stick to the high ground. She still complains when I put healthy food in front of her, but she has no choice because I buy the food and I make the food, and I won't make her a "treat" more than once every 2 or 3 weeks.

I struggle a little with it in my own mind. She did not decide to lose weight; I did. I made this huge overhaul of my eating habits on my own, without really asking her to do it with me. I knew better than to push her or pressure her, so I decided to go the route of "influence." I am NOT going to make two dinners every night -- one fettucine alfredo with chicken, and one grilled chicken salad with minimal olive oil. Not gonna happen. I just figured that she'd be so proud of me for putting forth valiant effort that she would support me, and that as she saw my progress, she'd be influenced to modify her habits outside of my presence, not just by eating what I put in front of her. It's really a struggle sometimes, because she's a gumba from Brooklyn, who wants sausage and meatballs, italian bread and butter, breaded and fried chicken cutlets, cheesy scalloped potatoes, steak, baked potatoes with mounds of butter, steak, steak, and oh yeah, steak.

I have given her a lot of positive reinforcement, tried to ALWAYS set a positive example (so she doesn't think it's a miserable or unpleasant thing to eat healthy food,) tried my hardest to make the aforementioned healthy food appealing to her, and thanked her ad infinitum for her support. At one point (she'd brought home unhealthy food - the one and only time - Nestle Crunch Bar Ice Cream Bars....OMG! and of course I had PMS, so it was sooooo hard to stay strong) and I just sat her down and asked her to just focus completely on me in this area, to support me. I told her it wasn't fair that I was asking her to put aside her desires and freedom, but that it would be a way of really loving me and taking care of me. I just asked for her to help me. I told her that if she gave me this gift, that after I'd gotten under 200 pounds, I thought I'd be strong enough, with my good habits adequately ingrained, to withstand some temptation in the house -- and that I'd tell her at that point if I was struggling with it, and we'd work out a solution togeter. So she agreed, the sweetheart.

I do think I'm going to have to talk to her about the ordering out thing, though.....because that's happening more frequently than it used to, and it's hard on me. I also need to talk to her about giving me the time to exercise --we have exercise equipment at home and whenever she's home, it's always a big struggle getting away from her to exercise. She just does NOT want to exercise with me, AND she wants my undivided attention! :dizzy: Oh, and by the way, she HAS lost some weight, and is happy about that! (Well, whatya know? ;) )

Jennifer, I shared all of this with the thought that there might be something in my situation that might benefit you -- either a "hey, that might work!" or a "wow, note to self, don't do THAT!" I would DEFINITELY recommend talking to him, though. An open, honest, humble heart-to-heart asking for help is hard to argue with, you know? Best to you, and keep us posted on how things are going.

Tammy32
07-29-2004, 01:47 PM
Well, Here is my spin on this. A relationship takes alot of respect from both people. I understand how hard it is to have to live with someone who is doing something that is very tempting. Example: I once quit smoking when my ex-husband still smoked in the house. The partners may not realize it but what they are doing is disrespectful to a degree. I think though with some good communication and time such things can be worked out. Sometimes they just don't realize what they are doing is hurting you as much as it really is. Hang in their ladies. Keep the lines of communication open. If that does not work make them sleep on the couch a couple of weeks....hehe ;)

lessofsarahtolove
07-29-2004, 02:41 PM
If that does not work make them sleep on the couch a couple of weeks....hehe ;)

:lol3:

Jillegal
07-29-2004, 03:08 PM
It's all about compromise and understanding each other's point of view.

In my case, my beloved was diagnosed with a massive brain tumour a couple of years back that just about killed him (17 hours surgery to remove the damn thing and his heart stopped a couple of times on the operating table). He spent several months recovering in the hospital and has permanent "gifts" (total loss of hearing in one ear, decreased vision, mild paralysis on one side of his face, and a killer dent in his head - luckily he has a thick head of hair to hide that). It's miserable having knots in his stomach at each MRI and mentally making plans for his small kids in the event of "if".

Anyway, his point of view is to enjoy life to the max and don't sweat the small stuff. To him, my 35lbs. left to goal is small stuff and he doesn't think I should let it get in the way of enjoying the foods I love whenever I want them, or avoid situations and fret about them if they may waylay my "plan". I DO see his point, but I'm trying to impress upon him that I have a compulsive thing going on where its so easy to get back on that runaway train of eating what I love to excess - and to a point where I'll end up at a weight as life-threatening as his tumour was.

Luckily I'm able to serve up meals we can both enjoy (although I'll never get him to eat my yummy cauliflower). He often doesn't even realize his favourites have been "altered" so to speak, and if it means giving him a side of buttered garlic bread while I do without, I don't feel so deprived as long as I'm enjoying what's on my plate.

I have to admit he's giving me less grief lately, and we're working together to enjoy life to the max without food being a major part of it. ;)

Jen
07-29-2004, 04:07 PM
I"m a bit different in my outlook in that I don't feel I have the right to tell my husband what he can and can't eat. Nor do I stop buying him the things he likes to eat ie cookies and chips. We don't have these things in the house all the time or like 10 different kinds of cookies but there is usually some kind around. I give my almost 3 year old ocassional treats though he really likes fruits and veggies too. The way that I see the situation is that this is real life. I can't expect to go through life surrounded by healthy food and 100% supportive people. I had better get used to managing my weight regardless of these things. Generally we eat the same foods but I'm more likely to skip the pasta/rice/potatoes and make myself an extra serving of veggies and not have any dessert.

tolose85
07-29-2004, 06:56 PM
I was lucky in that my husband and I started eating better together.. He has lost nearly 80 lbs and so he is actually in maintenance. My husband has a very labor intensive job and so his daily caloric intake is outrageously high.. As an example, now, he can eat the better half of a pizza in one day and still show a loss at the end of the week. For the most part he stays on plan with me during the week but he does splurge a bit more than I can. That is OK.. I have realized that I am going to be around people who don't eat like me. I have adjusted and I will admit, it is hard to resist that temptation. It CAN be done. You might not want to do it and it does make things harder. I know you can do it Jennifer!

anagram
07-30-2004, 07:50 AM
In my case, my dh is on a stringent diet himself; however, it's not for weight loss (he's lost too much already) and so he is allowed to have sweets, breads, etc. So they are always in my house. Easily available. On the other hand, he is not allowed many of the foods I need to stay healthy. They're always in the house as well. If he has the strength to avoid bananas and o.j. (which he loves), then it's up to me to have the strength (and i don't always) to avoid what is there for him. Our meals are primarily focussed on his medical needs with additions/deletions for our individual needs - for instance he always has a roll or bread with his meal. When we eat out I can order those things that he's not allowed or doesn't like.

I don't think most of the tempting things are done by sig others because they're unkind - dh urges things on me from time to time as well and, after about the third urge, I gently remind him I'm trying to stay as healthy as I can. It's really more out of a habit of sharing and being giving and kind and he's working on changing that old habit when it regards food.

No doubt it's harder than when both are into eating in the same manner but as Jen says we're going to live in the world and the world is not focussed on what we're eating so that inner strength has to be built as much as our new eating habits, our new muscle tone and our new stamina do.

mezmerize
07-30-2004, 09:29 AM
My husband and kids have all kinds of goodies in the house. Ice Cream is my down fall. My husband always has a gal. size sitting in the freezer. It was really hard to pass up. I'm one of those ppl that thinks if I can't have something it makes me want it more. I read a thread about a product called Skinny Cow Ice Cream. I thought yea right ... how good can fat free Ice Cream be... Well let me tell you this!!! IT'S AWSOME!!!! Now when my husband/kids gets Ice cream I know I have my own special ice cream and it's only 2 WW Points. I'm not temped one bit by their ice cream. The same goes for their pop. I have my own. Look around at weight loss products and don't be afraid to try them. You may be surprised like my kids and say this doesn't tastes like diet. My skinny cow ice cream is no longer safe! I'm on my 4th week of WW and I have two products that have helped me so much. #1 Splenda (www.splenda.com) 2. Skinny Cow Ice Cream. I think everyone needs to find their own way to work with not against their weight loss plan. YOU CAN DO IT!!
Mez

tolose85
07-30-2004, 01:30 PM
That skinny cow stuff is awesome... Have you tried the strawberry shortcake icecream sandwiches?? Oh my they are awesome!

lessofsarahtolove
07-30-2004, 02:05 PM
I did like the Skinny Cows -- but the Weight Watcher Smart Ones Ice Cream Sandwiches are even healthier, and they cost the same. I forget the particulars, but I found that they were better in some way or another. I'll have to check when I get home, but check it out next time you're in the supermarket!

Another thing that works for me if I'm wanting a sweet treatski and don't have 130 or so calories to spare is the Smart Ones Chocolate Mousse or Orange Vanilla Dream (or something like that) ice cream popsicles. They're only 40 calories, are much lower carb, have less sugar grams, and only 1/2 g of fat each. And they're yummy! THey're not as big, but I find them completely satisfying and they totally hit the spot. I'll double check the names when I get home......but I'm pretty sure I've got it pretty right!

Of course, nonfat yogurt, protein powder, and frozen unsweetened berries give a nice, low-cal and healthy treatski as well!

tolose85
07-30-2004, 02:42 PM
I do the frozen berry thing too.. I find that I eat less of whatever it is if its frozen. I like the weight watcher too. Has anyone tried the blue bunny sugar free popsicles? They have the best flavor I have ever tasted in a popsicle-

Jillegal
07-30-2004, 03:00 PM
I tend not to seek out many treats, however allowable, because I'm trying to get away from the whole "I NEED something sweet" mentality, but I'm all too human and couldn't help checking out the grocery store aisles while in the States recently. I was shocked and in awe when I saw the variety of "diet" ice cream/popsicle/frozen dairy or non-dairy treats they have in the States! Mthrgoos used to rave about Skinny Cows to the point I almost drove to Buffalo to taste one once and FINALLY we have them (but I've only seen chocolate). We do have fat-free, sugar-free mini fudgsicles (one WW point each) and the Silouette fat-free, no sugar added Mousse is a lovely treat, but still, you guys in the States have so much more to choose from. As for that bag of double chocolate fudge fat-free, sugar-free cookies I got in Kentucky, I'm still licking the empty bag and I've never seen anything remotely like that here! :(

lessofsarahtolove
07-30-2004, 03:37 PM
As for that bag of double chocolate fudge fat-free, sugar-free cookies I got in Kentucky, I'm still licking the empty bag and I've never seen anything remotely like that here! :(
:lol3: *Still licking the empty bag!* :rofl:

Br00klyn
07-31-2004, 11:42 AM
Luckily, I do have DB's support... Even down to him going out of his way to help me. For the most part, Steve has adapted to the eating changes that I've made and still loves my cooking. I do still buy him some cookies, pudding, etc. at the grocery store but I'm not a big sweet person so I don't get tempted. However, he's really started eating a lot of fruit now too, and he's hooked on my Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches.. He says he likes them better than the others. The one thing that I must commend him for is FAST FOOD, lately whenever we do fast food its Subway or Mr. Sub or Wendy's... but he totally doesn't complain and if he's running out and wants Dairy Queen Burgers or something he'll offer to stop by Subway or somewhere for me too! He also reminds me that I've already had my "treat of the week" when I get tempted to have another. :D

So, with all the positive being said, and as much as Steve supports me in this journey, its not as much as on this site. I think someone who's never been in your situation can only offer so much support and relate so much! I mean he doesn't know how incredibily good I feel when I lose 1-2lbs. a week. He just says "YAY BABY!" :D And thats all I can ask for I guess, since he's never been in my shoes and really, he can eat whatever he wants without gaining a lb.

Jill - Im hooked on the Silhouette Mousse, what a treat eh? I agree though, we really don't have as many choices as they do in the US. I went on the Skinny Cow website and there are sooooo many choices, up here in Canada, its either a Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwich or a Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich. Also, I wish we had "Diet Rite" - the diet pop made with Splenda. Raelynn had some at her house when I was there, that was brought back from the US and it was great ;)

teapotdynamo
08-03-2004, 11:20 AM
I didn't really mean to suggest that hubby is not "supportive," per se (he's certainly supportive with the gym-going when I'm having trouble pulling myself out of bed at 6:30 a.m.!), only that he has his own troubles with food that make life more difficult for me. There's a subtle distinction there, I think. Like you, Sarah, I struggle because I feel like he's got to come to the "healthy eating" point on his own time and in his own way. I've definitely tried to fill the house with more healthy treats, but he is a pretty compulsive eater. That said, I'm learning (slowwwwly learning) that it really is up to me -- just because it's here does not mean I have to eat it. Every time he gets ice cream and I pass on it, I feel a little stronger the next time. The world will not end if I don't get a dish of the Breyer's mint choco chip!

Thanks, all, for your help and support!

lessofsarahtolove
08-03-2004, 11:37 AM
I gotcha, Jennifer. It's the same at my house, and I can completely relate. Only in my case, it's not Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip (big yum to that, by the way!) it's pizza, or fettucine alfredo. What worked for me for a long time was enjoying scheduled, planned for treats together. That way she knew there was end in sight to this healthy eating, on-plan **** she was experiencing ;) -- and I was bolstered during the times she was eating tempting things by the knowledge that my time was coming soon! And I felt victorious over my urges!

The difficulty for me has been that her "issues" present an increased number of challenges for me to stay on plan. But then that's really MY issue, isn't it? It's not at all a question of support, I agree, Jennifer -- it's one of boundaries and resolve.