100 lb. Club - Last Straw.




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missaprylj
07-24-2004, 07:17 PM
I get home today and my dad walks up to me and says (and I QUOTE):

"So, how much weight have you gained over the summer?"

WHAT THE :CENSORED: DOES THAT MEAN? :mad: :cry: :mad:

I was like "What does that mean? You really hurt my feelings and I'm mad at you." He says "Well, it wasn't mean't to hurt your feelings, it's just the truth."

:cry: :cry: :mad: :mad :cry: What the ****? I'm just sitting here crying now. My dad.


djs06
07-24-2004, 09:56 PM
Apryl, I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. I know it's hard, but it will ultimately make you prove him foolish (which is always fun, isn't it? :))

I don't understand why people think it's their business- it's NOT. What he said to you is rude and uncalled for. What did he think would come out of it besides negative feelings? Gee, that's productive!

The last time I dealt with something like this was when my 99 year old great-grandmother pounded her fist on the table and yelled at me that a "young, pretty girl shouldn't be so heavy." I ran into the other room and cried. My first instinct was to shove my face right in front of her and "prove" that it didn't matter whast she said.. but then I thought that maybe my energy should go toward something productive, like focusing on my goals and proving her wrong. NOT that you should ever change yourself for someone else- but since I know you've been OP lately (and doing great I might add! good for you!).

I'm really sorry, and I hope tomorrow is better. ((Apryl))

Ivanna B. Skinny
07-24-2004, 10:27 PM
:mad: MEN?!?!? WHO THE **** DO THEY THINK THEY ARE??? :devil:
Apryl, Im so sorry that your father said tose unkind words to you. DO NOT let his stupid remark get in your way. Maybe you should let it be fuel to your fire! I remember about 6 weeks after I had my daughter, a lady (that my mother in law goes to church) with came up to me in the grocery store and said to " You really need to loose that weight, you're too pretty to be so fat." I just stood there, with my mouth gaping open . This lady that I didnt even really know said that to me...6 weeks post baby no less!


rochemist
07-24-2004, 10:36 PM
(((((((Apryl))))))))) sweetie. Give me your address so I can come kick your dad's ***. We love you just as you are. Your so beautiful and talented. Let it go, and let God. I just want to hug you so bad. My dad is an *** too, I have come to realize I will always love him because he is my dad, but it doesn't make him any less of an ***. (((((((((((((((((((Big Hug)))))))))))))))))))))))

Chris

jiffypop
07-24-2004, 10:55 PM
oh honey... you've gained weight ?? I didn't notice. you are STILL the same lovely, talented, charming, smart young woman with attitude you were last year and last week, and today.

wouldn't it be nice if the entire world would look into our eyes and say that we are fine just the way we are??? we are, ya know.

dads are a hard audience to please. i gave up trying years ago... and he's been gone for 5 years. please YOURSELF. be YOURSELF. be the best you can be...

Angelic_Me
07-24-2004, 11:01 PM
(((HUGS))) to you aprylcadabra

Jen
07-24-2004, 11:14 PM
Sorry that your dad upset you by the way he asked about your weight. Is there any chance that he was trying to talk to you about your weight but just screwed up the beginning or was he being deliberately nasty?

missaprylj
07-25-2004, 12:59 AM
I have no idea what the **** he mean't by it and honestly, I don't care. It hurt my feelings. The one person who has *always* been "on my team." That is a kick in the heart. I finally got so tired of fuming around that I just said "I love you, but I'm so mad at you, please don't talk to me." and walked out the door to go pick my friend up. Later tonight he said "I didn't mean it like that, Apryl."

Honestly, it doesn't matter. Words are words.

Jennelle
07-25-2004, 01:36 AM
Apryl - I replied on the other (deleted) thread, but it was a kind of mumbled sort of reply because your dad's ugly words brought back a lot of crap. I hurt so much for you because I've been right where you're sitting. It's like, here you are, a wonderful, sweet, insightful, smart, hard-working girl and it gets reduced to nothing in an instant. You're right - words are words.

You do need to make it very clear to your dad how much he hurt you. I don't know if you have trouble talking to him (I simply couldn't talk to my mom), but if you do, write him a letter. You're a very talented writer and I'm sure you could get your point across.

You are such an awesome kid, Apryl. Don't let this define your life. We love you!

Raelynn
07-25-2004, 02:17 AM
I'm so sorry Apryl, I've been in your shoes and it hurts to hear things like that. {{{hug}}}

Amanda Panda
07-25-2004, 09:32 AM
(((((Apryl))))) - I'm so sorry your dad has said such unkind words to you. I agree with what Jenelle has said - I STILL have the exact same problem with my mum, she just has to say one thing and I revert to feeling 10 years old again.

If you are able to talk to him I'd recommend it - he probably doesn't even realise the hurt he has caused you, he is just an insensitive man !

If only we could all have wonderful parents who think we are beautiful inside and out, no matter what our size!

You really are a great young woman Apryl - believe it!

I'll leave you with a poem to make you smile :lol:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They f*** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f***ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Love Amanda x

boiaby
07-25-2004, 10:39 AM
Originally posted by Apryl.
I just said "I love you, but I'm so mad at you, please don't talk to me."

I'm sure what you said really drove home the point that this was not just another teenage drama queen fit, but, in fact something that hurt you deeply and that he should be ashamed of himself for even thinking it, let alone saying it. Apryl, you are such an amazing girl. You are intelligent, resourceful, and independent well beyond your years. I doubt I would have handled myself nearly as well. I can't believe how insensitive fathers can be. How do they not know how much their simple words can impact their daughters for the rest of their lives? Don't you let this stupidity that fell out of his mouth hold you back in any way! You are so much better than that! Let us know how his real apology goes; it had better be a damn good one!

Beverly

Br00klyn
07-25-2004, 12:44 PM
I'm so sorry Apryl! I've been in your shoes, however it was just that my dad was trying to talk to me for health reasons and it came out wrong. I think you need to sit down and talk with him - you know he loves you and is probably just worried about you! I'm not trying to defend what he said by any means, just that i'm sure he can be a really big help for you if you let him. I also grew up with just my dad and when I was 16, trying to lose weight, once we sat and had a serious talk... he helped me all he could..

nelie
07-25-2004, 04:54 PM
I had a similar thing happen between my dad and myself when I was 16. I was exercising 2 hours a day and hardly eating (yes wasn't exactly a healthy way to lose weight) but I had lost 30 lbs. I didn't live with my dad but I went to visit him during the summer and when I had told him I had lost 30 lbs, he said to me "that isn't enough, you are still way too fat". As a 16 yr old who had weighed 290 and was then at 260, I was pretty crushed especially coming from someone who weighed over 400 lbs himself. (Oh how I remember how proud I was that I was wearing a size 20 at 260)

Anyway, sometimes people think they are trying to help or be encouraging but they don't know how to do it. I think you did the right thing by telling him that it hurt you.

Just keep doing what you are doing and don't anyone else make you feel down about yourself.

tolose85
07-25-2004, 09:34 PM
Apryl.. I am so sorry about that! You know what? Nows your chance to Show him what your made of because we all know you can do it! Try not to let that discourage you. You are doing so well and I am so proud of you.. Some men just don't ever get it. Sometimes they say things and don't know what they are saying or what type of impact it has on us.. (My husbands great at that).

missaprylj
07-25-2004, 11:32 PM
Thanks ya'll. It means a lot to me, honestly. :grouphug:

SuchAPrettyFace
07-26-2004, 12:52 AM
He is DAMN lucky you are an 8 hour drive away.

*hugs*

Men. :mad:

Jillegal
07-26-2004, 11:19 AM
I'm sure your dad's sitting there thinking you're overreacting or that it's teenage female hormones, MEANWHILE every other human on earth recognizes it as the usual "dads can be such insensitive clods" thing. Heck, I think it's a mandatory requirement of being a dad. My dad had a gift for deflating my teenaged ego - for example, once I was showing off a new outfit I had saved up for weeks to buy and thought looked great. It was pink (early 1970s okay) and he said I looked like a big bottle of pepto bismol. I didn't want to ever wear it again.

I'm sure he didn't mean it unkindly and most likely it was a lame attempt at being supportive (if you think about it in a really, really warped way, I can see it as him showing an interest, but using a poor (naw, ridiculously poor) choice of words.

Don't be too hard on him, after all, he's at a disadvantage, being male and all ;)

Jennelle
07-26-2004, 11:23 AM
Jill - Your Pepto Bismol story reminded me of an occassion about 10 years ago. I'd purchased a fancy outfit to wear to my husband's command Christmas party. It was a pair of velvet palazzo pants with a short, beaded, long-sleeved jacket. I thought I looked fabu, but when I asked hubby, he just sort of hemmed and hawed. I finally said, "Just give it to me straight" and he finally 'fessed up and said, "You look like a refrigerator with a head."

Normally, it would have crushed me, but it was such a comical description. I burst out laughing and changed into another outfit. :)

anagram
07-26-2004, 04:31 PM
For me it was a royal blue dress with a matching royal blue hat that I bought for myself when I was about 20. I KNOW it looked great but DBF said it looked like a potato sack because it was sort of a lineish. I haven't forgiven him yet though I did marry him anyway.

I'm sure your Dad hadn't a clue but it doesn't sound like it meant it in a meanhearted way and you two have always come across as close so hope you can clear the air.

Sheila53
07-26-2004, 06:13 PM
Apryl, I'm so sorry your Dad was so thoughtless. Your post brought up a lot of stuff for me, too. What is it about Dads?

I weighed between 145 and 155 when I was younger (I'm 5'9") and my Dad still was on me about weight. When I got older, I told him that if he talked to me about my weight, we wouldn't visit him, and I meant it. I haven't heard a word about my weight since. Like Anagram, I, too, hope you can clear the air with your Dad and get back to a great relationship.

Br00klyn
07-26-2004, 10:44 PM
Apryl - Have you talked to him yet about he made you feel? I think that's really important, and men will be men... So he's probably going around, not even realizing that he hurt you and shouldn't have said what he did. :D

Sandi
07-27-2004, 10:53 AM
I have no idea how I missed thios thread!!! (((HUGS))). I am so sorry that your dad said such an insensitive thing. Men - I swear!!!! But I agree that maybe you really need to stress to him how much he hurt your feelings. Even if it is just to ward off future insensative comments.

You are a sweet, sensative, talented young lady. We love you!!!!!

howie6267
07-27-2004, 11:26 AM
Apryl you are a beautiful girl and don't let anyone tell you any different. I know it hurt and hopefully he meant something else and it just came out wrong. As for all men being that way we are not. I think it is a dads most important roll to instill in his daughter a since of self worth and beauty. I'm truly sorry yours is not doing that Apryl. I hope you can take some of that away from here.

Jillegal
07-27-2004, 12:54 PM
Aww Howie, we were just teasing about "all men" being insensitive (I, for one, was just waiting for you or Si to show up all offended). :devil:

If you and Kimberley eventually have a daughter, I'm sure you'll be one of those dads who instills confidence in your little girl - and we won't even try to take credit for enlightening you ;)

howie6267
07-27-2004, 01:52 PM
I know you were just teasing but I still had to stand up for my side. LOL

missaprylj
07-28-2004, 12:34 PM
Thanks again, everyone.

I feel like I must say that my dad is not a jerk in any sense of the word. I think that's why it hurt so much, actually. He's always supportive of me.... except on the subject of weightloss at which he is CONSTANTLY saying the WRONG thing. Maybe he is trying to "help" but his comment Saturday night was WAY out of line.

Thank you, I feel better. Love, Apryl

barbygirl43
07-28-2004, 05:21 PM
I'm super late and I'm sorry your dad said the wrong thing. I'm glad you feel better about it.

Tammy32
07-28-2004, 06:01 PM
Awww Apryl, how crappy for you to have to be going through that. It hurts so much when it comes from family. I realize it hurts coming from any source but when it comes from someone you love it makes it so much worse. I can't add much more to what has already been so far. Try to keep your chin up and work past it. It's very possible he might now feel pretty bad for saying it. Sometimes men don't think before they speak and end up really regretting the things they say. Try not to let it make a huge wedge in the father-daughter relationship. Maybe once you have cooled down you and him can talk it through a little bit more and you can get to the bottom of what made him say it like he did. Big hugs Apryl. Let us know how you are doing.

julestools
07-29-2004, 01:32 PM
Apryl, I am sorry to hear how much your dad's words hurt you. Why people say what they say I will never know. I think it especially hard when it comes from a family member or friend because it is these people that we feel we are safest with and can take refuge with away from the world. Heavy people are always wondering where the next nasty remark will come from and we never expect that it will come from someone we love and trust. that is what makes it most shocking. Of all the people......these hurt the deepest.

I have been "chubby" and "overweight" for the majority of my life and I am 29 now. I was always considered "sturdy" and was anything but frail. My grandfather, bless his heart, used to tell me when I was around 13 or 14 that if I had been a boy, I would have made a great football player. Gee...just what a blossoming girl wants to be compared to - a line backer. Then once, when I was around 11 or 12, I was playing with my Barbie dolls in the living room and some older relatives were visiting. As this couple was about to leave, the man came into the living room and out of nowhere told me "You know, young boys don't like fat young girls. You should watch your weight". What the??!! Gee, thanks for the info. Just in case I wasn't sensitive enough about being big this virtual stranger nicely told me that no boys would ever like me. Maybe someone should tell that to my fiancee! hehe. Someone, I wasn't surprised to find out several years later that this man's beloved grand-daughter was being treating for anorexia and bulimia. I can't imagine why.

My point is, once something is said, it can't be taken back. It hangs in the air and man, can it hurt. Some people have no idea that a comment they may forget about in a day can haunt someone for a lifetime. I am getting married in a few months. I am educated. I have lost 30 pounds and have 60 more to lose. But I still remember those words. We have to learn to not be the kind of people who say those things to others.

Goddess Jessica
07-29-2004, 08:00 PM
Apryl -

While I was growing up, my father always said the wrong thing when it came to weight. I don't know what it was, but it always always hurt. Worse, I think it hurt my efforts to lose weight and all I did was gain gain gain.

My mother confronted him when I was a teenager and he told her it was "tough love." She asked him, "how is that working for you? You're alienating your daughter and it's not making her lose weight."

Frankly, your dad is probably worried about you and thinks that by humiliating you, you might just say, "oh! I need to lose weight?!?" Like you don't know that already. It's a fault and man, does it ever hurt. You know your dad's a good guy, he just sucks at this. I think you handled it very well but you need to tell him...

The whole rest of the world is already telling me that horrible things about my weight and that I'm fat and I'm very aware of it. Dad, you're my safe place. I need to be able to come to you and always feel loved. No matter what my size is.