Hey everyone. I'm just wondering how many of you told most of the people in your lives about your decision to lose weight. I guess this doesn't so much apply to those of you who have already lost a lot of weight- but maybe initially, when you started.
My mom knows. She had lapband surgery and is doing really well. I know it's no walk in the park for her, either. So we talk about it sometimes.
I guess that means my dad knows too. I cook for him while I'm home from school for the summer and have been using weight watchers recipes for the most part.
No one else really knows. I didn't tell my boyfriend or my close friends. I think I'm just really afraid that it's going to stress me out and I'm going to jinx myself, or that they're going to be critical (which realistically, I KNOW they wouldn't). Is anyone else weird about this? Who did you tell when you were starting out?
07-07-2004, 12:47 PM
I TOLD EVERYONE!!! I needed and still need all the support and encouragement along the way. So no matter where I went, if I would even THINK about going off track someone would be there to remind me if I needed a little push in the right direction! I get myeself so pumped up about it. It's nice to share the experience with others, especially positive people who just encourage you to keep going-- Someone to share in your journey through the good parts and bad, (my husband is one). I am weird I guess. Well maybe not weird, just abnormal..
07-07-2004, 01:06 PM
At first I wanted to lose a bunch of weight and not tell anyone. I wanted my husband to be shocked and in awe when he came home from Japan. That did not last long. I can't keep a secret worth a flip. Once I started losing I wanted to share with other people. I can understand your point of view though. I think in the back of our minds sometimes we figure that if we don't tell anyone and fail then we really did not make ourselves look bad in front of anyone else. Keeping our shame private.
07-07-2004, 01:27 PM
I was browsing around and saw this question...its a good one.
At my highest weight, I felt I needed to do something about it. But I didn't tell anyone....not even my husband (ex). I felt I needed to do this on my own and I didn't want someone to be the food police around me. (which has happened in the past) As childish as it was, it would only have made me rebel and eat more. Stupid thinking.
I managed to lose the weight (I got down to 130) and my family were very happy and supportive after they realized that I started to lose weight. That's when I decided to share what I was doing.
I am now trying to lose 20 of the pounds that I gained back....and once again I haven't told anyone except my friends here at 3FC and my current husband. He is very supportive (unlike my ex) As supportive as my family has been, I just feel more comfortable doing it on my own without having eyes on me while I eat. Does that make sense? Maybe once I lose 10lbs. I will say something..or just say nothing at all. I think the compliments I get once I lose weight is such a great feeling that it keeps the motivation going. And my family tends to notice more when they don't know that I'm working on it.
Thanks for letting me share my story.
07-07-2004, 01:32 PM
I didn't tell anyone at first because I didn't want anyone to think, oh, here she goes again. Plus I also think it was kind of a safety net incase I did fail again, at least no one would have known I was even trying. I'm also just a very private person, I mean I didn't even say anything to my husband, but he's pretty clueless anyway! :dizzy: But if people asked I did tell them that I was trying to eat healthier and eventually it just became obvious that I had made some pretty drastic changes and everyone realized that I was doing something different.
07-07-2004, 02:04 PM
This time around I didn't want to tell anyone but my husband.
Last year I lost 40 lbs, and everyone knew about it. I just didn't like it.
Now this time around my husband knows, and he opened his big mouth and told his Mom. She is a know it all nurse who lived 2000 miles away and still feels the need to tell me what is going on with my body. She really irks me.
My sister realized I was back on when she came over and saw my diet soda and the lack of doritos and such.
I would rather people realize that I am losing weight on their own. Not by me telling them.
07-07-2004, 03:05 PM
The first person I told was an online friend because we made a deal a couple months ago that I would lose 50 pounds if she quit smoking. She has been smoke-free for 4 months now so it's my turn to hold up my end of the deal. Then I had to tell my male friend because he actually wanted to take me out for once and was wondering why I was ordering a grilled chicken sandwich. He has always been super supportive of my weightloss efforts. I also told one of my coworkers when she noticed my reg Dr. Peppers were replaced with diet. That's about it, my boss like to sabotage me so she doesn't need to know, and my mom is a Weight Watcher leader and I saw her at the end of May at the beach, but I won't see her again until mid-September when we take our family beach trip and I'd like to surprise her with a 40 pound loss by then. :D
07-07-2004, 03:07 PM
I haven't told anyone--my style is more to keep my head down and plug away and if somebody notices, great. I also don't like being scrutinized. A few years ago I lost a significant amount of weight only to have those around me who were aware of my efforts begin to act as food police. LOL!! I'd rather quietly chip away at it. Just my .02cents
07-07-2004, 03:32 PM
I think any way you do it is great! The most important part is that you are doing it!
Did I misunderstand the question? :dizzy: Did you mean once you started losing the weight did you tell everyone? If that's the question, no I didn't report my losses to people each week but I did tell them I was starting a plan so they were aware and could keep me on my toes..
07-07-2004, 03:38 PM
My husband knows, since he's stay-at-home dad this summer, and he cooks. Even though he was the one who bought the South Beach book, and read it first, nothing stuck. He's constantly trying to feed me off-program food.
I think most everyone at work has figured it out, since I arrive with my little Igloo, and munch on salad all day!! LOL
07-07-2004, 05:38 PM
I generally let everyone know. all though I have not told anyone at work except my partner but she diets also. I'm sure they have heard us and know I am on a diet again but I have not told them. Friends and family all know. I find support in people who know.
07-07-2004, 06:06 PM
My family knows ~ my mom is my biggest encourager. I don't like to say much to the people at work, because some of them I feel, are the kind who would be watching ~ sort or waiting for that slip up ~ and enjoying making comments (probably behind my back) about it. Without saying anything though ~ they know. There is constantly food around ~ patient's familys bring Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and other stuff to treat us. Coworkers bring stuff ~ and people are constantly offering and I am having to constantly say no thank you ~ so they know even though I don't directly tell them. Sometimes I wonder if they wonder why I am always saying no thank you, but never seem to get any smaller. I guess my thinking about that is ~ I might not be getting smaller very fast, but if I gave in every time to the treats that are around, I would be even larger than I already am.
Onderland right aroud the corner!!
07-07-2004, 06:12 PM
I have only told my family well some of them. Because some people like look at you different when you go on a diet. And some people really stress me out.
07-07-2004, 06:29 PM
Thanks for your input, guys.
I think it's great for those of you who shared it with others. Gretchen, you didn't misunderstand the question. I didn't mean a weekly play-by-play or anything like that; just letting people know that you were on a plan or whatever.
I just feel uncomfortable sharing this information; I feel like people are going to say something stupid like "oh there she goes again, how long will THIS last?" MNJ, I am the same way. If someone discourages me in the least, I will do everything in my power to act like they don't bother me. Last time I saw my great-grandmother she got on her high horse and told me that I needed to lose weight and wouldn't let go of it. I was almost in tears, but I ate everything on my plate right in front of her. I can be really immature, but it's no one's place to tell anyone that they need to do ANYTHING.
07-07-2004, 06:41 PM
In addition to my partner, who overnight had to deal with a home containing ONLY clean eats, I told pretty much everyone. I really wanted to take advantage of any support I could get, as well as increase my accountability, so that I'd find it harder to let myself off the hook if I was presented with temptation. I'm really glad I did, because my co-workers and friends really went out of their way to be supportive, and it really helped a lot. I went into it with positive expectations, knowing that I would succeed if I put my mind to it and stuck it out, and I wanted to utilize all available resources to set myself up for success.
07-07-2004, 09:24 PM
Have any of you ever had family or friends who have told you "oh you're getting too thin" or "that can't be your goal weight, that's too small for you" no matter what size you are?? I find that discouraging for some reason which seemed at the time to halt my efforts. I'm barely 5'1', whose to say that my goal weight is too small?? I know some of them may mean well, but others....makes you wonder. I guess they see you at a certain weight for so long, they may not be used to the idea of you being thin....I don't know.
My family is wonderful, but some of the friends I used to work with...they were the watchful ones who made comments.
Maybe if I got rid of the chip off my shoulder when it comes to the issue of getting healthy...it wouldn't bother me so much. Never knew if it was a compliment or not. I think that may be another reason why I don't talk about it.
Babbling on here....sorry.
07-07-2004, 10:01 PM
My boyfriend knows (we live together) so he kind of has to know! Especially since there's no more junk in the house, and when he gets fast food - I order a salad! :)
My family, some co-workers, and some friends. I tend to not mention it to my long-term friends who haven't really seen me since I put on this weight. I get embarrased seeing them for the first time in a long time, as I feel like I look like a different person. I know they're my friends and don't care what I look like, but I do and that's something I have to get over. I always make goals to lose weight by the next time I go home, but the key this time is that I'm going to make it happen. I plan on going to Newfoundland in November if I can afford it, and I want to have at least 40 lbs. gone, that's one of my biggest motivators right now.
I just can't wait until the day that I feel great about myself and want to go out and show the world how great I look... someday it will come... some day soon.. :)
07-08-2004, 04:58 AM
This is an interesting thread.......
Pssst....shall I tell you a secret???? I didn't tell anyone......I think I've always been embarassed/in denial about my size, and the way I used to eat, so I just didn't talk about it. After I'd made a lot of lifestyle changes, I was diagnosed with impaired glucose tolerance (pre-diabetes).....I did have a lot of conversations with one of my closest friends then, about what to eat, how often etc, but that was never in the context of losing weight - it was about managing blood sugar levels. Then my mum got very ill, and we spent a lot of time together when she was in hospital, and she noticed (finally!!) I was losing weight......so we talked about it quite a lot, which was great. She is very supportive, but in a totally non-interfering way.....the irony being that she has lost around 20lbs from her illness, needs to put on weight, and is finding it really hard to eat the necessary cheese, chocolate and ice-cream (LOL). I also started talking to an old friend of mine, who I saw recently after a couple of years, and she noticed I'd lost weight, and was really complimentary and encouraging....she has her own issues with food (she's very fit, climbs mountains, looks thin to me, and insists she needs to lose weight, and struggles to eat sufficient carbs/protein). What I haven't told a single person is that after plugging a way on my own for a while, I joined a commercial slimming programme (called Slimming World) in January - I never thought in a million years I would do such a thing - but I felt like I needed some support. I've adapted the programme a lot (its very flexible), and I have met some great, really encouraging people there.....and I still haven't told anyone I go. I guess because I'm embarassed about it. Lots of people notice that I eat healthily, and exercise a lot, and that's great - I just talk about living a healthy life, but I rarely talk about wanting to lose weight.....
07-08-2004, 08:36 AM
I have some people that tell me that I won't look healthy if I keep loosing weight.... WHAT???!!?! I am 5'4" and weigh 165 lbs! Thats not thin (for me) by any means! I have this one girlfriend that insists I will look anorexic if I loose more weight.. Obviously she has a vision disorder! The thing is, I have ALWAYS been one of the largest girls in the group through high school, college, weddings etc. and this particular girl and I have been friends FOREVER.. she, always much smaller than I. Well.. I am only about 15 lbs heavier than her, she KNOWS I'm not done losing weight. I don't think she likes the fact that I am catching up to her.
Other people are really encouraging, like my husband, mom and mother-in-law and they'll say things like wow, you only have about 20 lbs to go and you'll be at your goal etc. It swings both ways. You can't please everyone so you have to expect that negativity.. Some people just have it in their blood! What they fail to realize it that when they make comments like they do about "stopping now" It just makes me work even harder! ha!
07-08-2004, 09:05 AM
Gretchen--That's interesting insight into your friend's reaction to you losing weight. A few years ago when I lost a lot of weight, it most definitely changed the dynamic of some of my friendships. You're no longer "the heavy one" and they're no longer "the small one". My very best friendships were unaffected--those gals have been with me since I was 12 (34 years) and we go way beyond external stuff. They were happy for me when I lost weight and never said a word when I became heavy. P.S. I like your "On a mission"!! Well put!!
07-08-2004, 06:24 PM
Gretchen and Barb, you are absolutely dead-on about the whole changing dynamic thing. Years ago, I reached a goal weight of 132 at 5'6". In my family, my sister was the pretty one and I was the smart one. She had always been way smaller than me. When I went home to visit after losing the weight, I wore a size 6. I tried on one of her skirts and it was too big for me, and she was so pissed off! I also got a ton of attention from family on that trip, and she wasn't used to it and didn't like it.
My husband also told me that one of his "friends" at work told him that he'd better watch out, because now that I was skinny I'd probably leave him! :rolleyes: I just told him that (a) he was stuck with me whether he liked it or not and (b) if I felt it necessary to leave him, I would do it at any weight.
So, yeah, there are going to be people out there who make comments like that. I say take what you need and leave the rest.
07-09-2004, 07:47 AM
My MIL makes comments about my weight every time I see her, without fail. She's one of those who has to have drama in her life and nothing can ever be "just right". She tells everyone who'll listen that I am too skinny and all I ever eat is salad. Iím pretty sure thereís no actual concern for my well being, she just has a problem with the fact that Iím smaller than her now. Itís sad, but thatís just the type of person she is. My dad had a similar, disheartening reaction last Thanksgiving. I hadnít seen him in several months and I know he was just reacting to the shock of seeing me in a way heís never seen me before (Iíve always been a big girl). But, right there in front of everyone, he just blurted out, ďOh my God, youíre anorexic!Ē (I was 5í8Ē and 150 lbs.) I was mortified and frankly, pissed off! It bothered me enough that I felt compelled to discuss it with him later, which I normally wouldnít do because I usually try to avoid conflict of any kind, but this was too much. I explained to him that I was finally at a healthy weight for my height for the first time in my life and I worked damn hard to get there. I told him that his comment sent the message to the rest of our mostly obese family that the only way I could have accomplished this was because I must have some kind of eating disorder. And now, no matter what I say to the contrary, that thought will always remain in their minds. I told him his outburst was very irresponsible and it really hurt my feelings. He did apologize but spent most of the conversation trying to justify what he said, like there is really any justification for that! Oh well, I spoke my mind, which Iím proud of, and I let it go. Hopefully heíll think twice before he opens his mouth next time.
07-09-2004, 08:12 AM
Beverly, I think you look wonderful and definitely not anoreixc! I think shock value isn't always the most positive thing for people. Sometimes I think they just simply don't know WHAT to say! I am proud for having the courage to confront him about it! You're AWESOME!
07-09-2004, 04:26 PM
I only told my husband, but by now everyone knows. My family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors have congratulated me. Even patients that come to the medical office where I work have stopped me to comment on how much weight I've lost.
I was afraid to share with too many people in the beginning. Most of my family and friends have watched me struggle with food for so long. I didn't want to fail and be a disappointment to them.
07-09-2004, 07:26 PM
I have told my parents and thats it. They have wanted me to do this for so long that I thought it was only fair. My mom is trying to loose weight too so she is a great support person. I needed someone I could share the day to day stuff with. It also makes me more accountable. My dad helped me pay for the down payment for my gym membership which was wonderful. No matter how many times I try, they get behind me every time.
I havent told my coworkers or my husband or my best friend though. I just cant take the comments. My husband will sabatoge me. I dont think he does it intentionally but every time I try to loose weight it seems like he wants to eat out all the time. It may be just in my head but I dont want to take the chance. My friend is very thin and I am afraid she would turn into the "food police" with me. She has already tried that before. I dont think my coworkers need to know. I figure all of them will be surprised when I am thin. I think that will be the best reward of all.
07-10-2004, 06:59 PM
Everyone knows. It's no big deal. There are fat & thin on both sides of my family, so it's not a big deal.
My friends know, most of them, b/c I insist on bringing fruit salad to their houses for parties. And most of them have seen me refuse a dessert or two. Some of them like to play devil's advocate, "You've been so good, c'mon, just have something." But you have to expect that everywhere you go.
Ivanna B. Skinny
07-10-2004, 08:20 PM
Everyone that I know knows. I was so excited at first when the weight was falling off NOT to blab about it. My sister in law is on WW too, and she started before I did, and Ive almost caught up with her loss...she doesnt seem to mind though, shes very supportive. I guess we compete a little, b/c every monday after we weigh, we compare...but its never mean spirited. Im like a few of you, in that people have told me that my goal is too low, but at 5'10", 170 is not too low. In fact, its still on the high end of "healthy weight" for my height.