100 lb. Club - Good laugh - best advice in a longtime

06-02-2004, 12:44 AM

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ..... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!

If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


06-02-2004, 01:17 AM
LOL! Loved this Raelynn! Loved it... now, if only all of this was true... ;)

06-02-2004, 09:43 AM
LOL that was great! Thanks for sharing it.

06-02-2004, 01:27 PM
That is definitely one to pass on. Thanks for the chuckle.

06-02-2004, 01:51 PM
that was definitely worth the read and laugh. thanks for sharing.

06-02-2004, 05:52 PM
That made me laugh a lot. Now I know how to get my veggie quota in!

06-02-2004, 06:57 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

06-02-2004, 10:14 PM
I hear ya sister. :lol: :lol: :encore: