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I'm having a real problem with supermarkets. When I go into one (which is unavoidable, unless I want to stop buying toilet paper ect) i see all the food and it drives me MAD!!! I'm on a strict 800 cals a day diet with no dairy or meat, but I see certain foods (vegetable spring rolls, garlic bread, cookies, pasta, chocolate, pizza) and I think "If I buy that I can always puke it up later", then I go into some kind of frenzy, working out what I can binge on, how much I can eat in 20 minutes before I have to puke it up, how many cals will I absorb from the food I am binging on while it is in my stomach before I puke it up, how much liquid I need to consume to help it up, and then get home as quick as I can so I can do it all. It's really hard to go shopping.
I have no idea why you are restricting yourself to 800 cals a day, but unless its a Dr.'s plan PLEASE STOP your screwing BIG TIME with your metabolism. Also PLEASE seek some professional help. I don't know about you, but for me to binge is to numb the feelings out. So what are you feeling? And the purge? To put all those ucky feelings outside of me. Its never about the food hun, its all about you. Please start your recovery soon
I have been making myself sick since I was 4. I have a twist in my bowel that means food goes down there and get flushed back into my stomach. When I was lil it hurt so bad I'd make myself sick so the food wouldn't get down there to hurt. I kinda stopped when I was a teen, but I started to try to loos weight 5 yrs ago, and cut myself down to 600 cals a day. hat made me real sick, my hair was falling out, and I would faint/collapse all the time. I was so scared to go out that I became a virtual prisoner in my home. Thats when the binging and purging began. I'd crave foods like eggs and chocolate, and eat loads aand make myself sick. I thought I could control it but pretty soon it was controling me (or mayby it always had been). I couldn't understand why I wasn't loosing weight, despite smetimes going 3 days without food. Then I colapsed one day and the shop I was in phoned an ambulance. The drs at the hospitl checked my urine and found little or no protien in it and I told them I wasnt really eating. The 800 cals diet is the drs idea, because the human body needs 800 cals a day just to run vital functions. It's funny, I'm eating more that I was but loosing weight. I also have the energy now to exersize, and I bought one of those eliptical trainers. I just have these days where it's lmost like I can't help myself, I feel like a woman possesed, get up, go to the shop, buy food, come home, eat it all in 20 mins and puke, it's almost like an out of body experience, like I'm watching myself do It and I can't stop til it's done. Also, I go to family members houses and they try to feed me, and I eat it then puke it so I don't go over my 800 cals a day. I want to stop I just can't seem to. This diet i'm on consumes me, If I don't loose any weight in a week (I'm averaging 2lbs a week), I just beat up on myself and cry.
I went to my dr, who sent me to their in house dietician. I went to my appointment and the first thing she said was that she wanted me to go to a local chain chemist (boots) and use their scales to weigh myself (because aparently they have the most reliable scales in our town?) then come back once I knew my weight. I told her that if I wasn't comfortable weighing myself at home, let alone in a shop full of people watching. She said that I was the first person who had refused to do this, and sent me to a "psycological" dietician, who said what the first one had done was "unforgivable". I had two meetings with her, and she said she needed to refer me to an eating disorder specialist. That was in February, and I' still waiting on a list for an appointment (the waiting list is 6 months long). It was with her I set up the diet I'm on now. Apart from that i've had no other help, and haven't seen the "psychological" dietician since feb either.
There are online support groups like www.somethingfishy.org , www.oa.org, and www.recovery.net, and this place. If you can make a plan, be accountable, keep an open mind, work with honesty you can find recovery. Also there are lots of books out there that can help. Some of those are listed at www.featherlight.org or just put bullemia in the search engine at Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
You are not alone, there is recovery and hope out there. And any therapist might be able to help.
Chris
Bloody Supermarkets !!!
