I have not had a chance to read any new posts but wanted to check in. I'm at the hospital now. Trav's mom is making progress but it is slow.
We're going back home tomorrow. Unfortunately, we can't take any more time off at our jobs. Plus it looks like my MIL's progress is going to be slow for the next week or so. But it is progress and for that we are gratefyl.
Still abstinent. I actually have not felt the urge to eat compulsively. Thank you, HP. I am in constant contact with her.
Feeling much better after a marathon telephone session with resident therapist and hand-holder Miss Chris yesterday afternoon.
And, I FOUND A F2F MEETING I CAN ATTEND! I promised Chris I'd look for a sponsor, and when I was on the OA website, I clicked on meetings again. There's a meeting now on Saturday mornings at 10:00.
Jenelle! I forgot to throw away the scales, in a way thats good, I forgot to stand on it too. My DH said he would like to see me give the scales away. Now who in the **** wants a scale? I am sure not going to offer it to any program people Maybe my therapist, she looks like she weighs about a 100 lbs soaking wet.
Kat I am glad you keep checking in and it gives me hope to know you can stay abstinent during this stressful time girl, by HP's grace We will keep the prayers coming
Kat, still keeping your MIL and family in my prayers. I hope it's not too stressful for you and your DH going back to work with this hanging over your head.
I have been reading the appendices in the back of the "Brown Book" There is so much good stuff in there about how the program works for mind, spirit, and body. Surrender is coming into focus for me as I look at my body. Accepting my powerlessness I only need to go as far as my poor battle weary stomach. Until my weight stabilizes the medical community can do nothing for me. So day after day I must take care of this long, hanging, roll of skin, that hangs into my lap. If I do not the skin tears, get infected, and weeps. Isn't that enough of my drastic yo-yo dieter cycle to prove to me powerlessness over food. Taking it in at the sub-concious level and asking for the compulsion and obsession with food to be taken away, I suppose thats why its one day at a time.
Hi Ladies, I'm here. Been having a bit of a **** time emotionally as of late, but reading Kat's posts have helped to pull my head out of my butt. I'm sorry about what you're going through, Hon! I'll be praying for your MIL, for Trav and for you.
Jennelle - I'm sorry you've been having an especially hard time as of late. I hope you have the help you need to pull through!
A friend that I have a deep emotional attachment to is moving away, and I'll probably never hear from him again. He was a very positive influence in my life - one of the few - and while I know I should look at this as an opportunity for growth, I'm also having to face the void he will leave behind. Actually, the void was there before, he just helped fill it for a while. I've been having huge doubts about my marriage (I love DH, but am not IN LOVE with him the way I should be), and now he's campaigning for another baby. I'm feeling stuck, and food is nice and numbing. And fat keeps me physically stuck so I won't have to make any difficult choices.
There are thing I could do to help myself become happier - get fit, take up hobbies or a class - but eating is easier. So that's my struggle right now.
Hi's and hugs to everyone - Chris, Ellis, love you. Take care.
((((((((((Tracy)))))))))))- That sounds like alot to be dealing with hun. The one thing I find is when you got alot on your plate the food is only a temporary comfort and it never makes anything better (usually worse). Thank you for your candiness though. I think all we can do sometimes is share our personal struggle
Jenelle- Where are you? I saw you post on the 100 lb. club yesterday. Do I need to call again?
Ellis- And what about you? I miss you alot dear, I haven't even had a chance to PM you in forever.
Kat- Missed you yesterday, hope everything is going well.
Me, I am good. A little rattled this morning because CompPsych isn't going to cover my therapy anymore, I will have to go through Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I really don't want to have to get another therapist I am just starting to get to know and trust this one.
Have a beautiful day ladies, and here is to living one day at a time.
Chris
I didn't think that Tracy, but even if you were that is your business and not mine to judge. Sometimes we need to worry less about what others might think and just be where we are
Oh, I know Chris. I feel safe here. And I wouldn't judge another person in that situation, either. I just figured if I was going to lay it all out there, I should be clear.
I'll tell you what helps - mindless drudge work. I'm stripping wallpaper in my kitchen so we can paint. Problem is, the builders pasted paper directly onto the wall boards rather than priming or treating them first. It's a nightmare. I should find something to do with my hands like this - like get a pottery wheel. Anyone have any creative hobbies?
Now we need Jenelle and Ellis to pop in! Everybody!
Thoughtaboutsomething at therapy tonight. You know getting a little behind in the morning and worrying about being late for work use to give me major anxiety, so I started leaving the house 10 min. earlier. All I had to do was give myself more time to give up that ucky anxious feeling. Well if I don't pick up the food(binge, triggers, stuff that makes me feel bad) to begin with I don't have to deal with all the pain that causes.
My hobbies Tracy: reading, writing, Yoga, music, and self-improvement
I'm okay. (By "okay," I mean I'm not out of the food yet, but I'm not borderline suicidal like I was a few days ago.) I realize being in the food isn't helping - it's not making me feel any better about anything going on in my life. If I knew what I was numbing, that would be easier, but hey - my job is not to demand knowledge, but to surrender control to my HP. I can't imagine that I enjoy being in the food (I don't!), but I haven't tried very hard to ask HP for help. I guess when I'm ready...
I am supposed to be keeping a food log for my therapist, and I haven't but for maybe two days. It's silly - I don't want her to know how much I've been eating, but that's why I'm going to her in the first place! I do, however, have a whole journal entry on how I started bingeing after my last appointment.
I will be abstinent for the rest of the night because I just can't fit much more food in me! (I hope my rather dark sense of humor this evening isn't offending anyone....) I hope to be abstinent tomorrow, but tomorrow is tomorrow. I am going to a f2f meeting on Saturday morning.
I don't have anyone to be accountable food-wise to (well, except myself and my HP)...so I thought I'd be accountable here for now. As you know from my last post, I'm supposed to be keeping a food log anyhow. (Especially in the "how did you feel when you ate?" category.) So, here goes:
Breakfast - about 8:30 at my desk at school (no kiddies - school's out except for us teachers!) I wasn't terribly hungry, but if I don't eat breakfast it's hard for me to remain abstinent during the rest of the day. I ate a fruit and yogurt parfait snack (McDonald's) and a bagel with about an oz. of cream cheese.
Lunch - about 11:00, again at my desk at school. I was really hungry! Tummy growling and all....I had a Mandarin Chicken Salad from Wendy's (yum!)
Snack - right after I got home, around 4:00. I was starving! (Okay, it would take a LOT to starve me! ) My tummy was growling in a big way. I had an apple and two slices of whole wheat bread (the kind that's got the wheat berries in it) with about 2 tsp. of margarine.
Dinner tonight is going to be a hamburger and some raw veggies with dip.
Weekly check-in thread 5/17-5/23
I promised Chris I'd look for a sponsor, and when I was on the OA website, I clicked on meetings again. There's a meeting now on Saturday mornings at 10:00. 
I am here too!
I forgot to throw away the scales, in a way thats good, I forgot to stand on it too. My DH said he would like to see me give the scales away. Now who in the **** wants a scale? 
I am sure not going to offer it to any program people 
Maybe my therapist, she looks like she weighs about a 100 lbs soaking wet. 
I am glad you keep checking in and it gives me hope to know you can stay abstinent during this stressful time girl, by HP's grace 
We will keep the prayers coming 
Hi Ellis, Jenelle, and Kat! Where is everyone? Tracy? 
