YOU: On a Diet - and other Oprah inspired diets - Some very BAD NEWS

My husband and I are splitting up. I knew something was wrong and I asked my husband on Tuesday night if he still loved me, well the next morning(Christian's birthday) he said he thinks it's best that we split up. He said he has no feelings for me anymore and hasn't for a while. Also come to find out(from a friend of mine) he said to her that he is young and doesn't want to be tied down.

The kids and I are moving to my parents place for a while(till I can get my head together and so that Katy can finish out school this year and have less schools to have to changed to/from).

This is such a huge shock to me, my kids and our families and friends. I am at a loss and confused and anxious and hurt and pissed off too.

I just wanted to let you all know so that you all didn't think I fell off the face of the earth when I don't post here anymore for a while because I won't have internet access for a while. Our internet and computer will be down on March 31 as we are moving on April 1(Katy's birthday, and no this is not an early april fool joke). I do promise though, I will come here as often as I can and will come back once I get internet hooked back up again(which probably won't be for a while)

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful support you have given me so far and hopefully again as I return in the future.

I dont know you and have never posted on this thread before but after reading your post I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you and the children. It's going to be really hard for you right now but please remember that you have people thinking about you and willing to give whatever support they can through your difficult time even if we don't know you that well.

I am thinking of you and hope that you come here for support whenever you can.....Remember us chicks have to stick together even when our eggs get scrambled sometimes......he doesn't deserve you and you certainly deserve to have someone who loves you with all their heart.

Take care of yourself and your babies, they are gorgeous....

Dale

Jen - it's never easy to go through this especially when it comes as such a shock - my heart goes out to you. Allow your parents to take care of you for a while as you work out the best possible scenarios for you and your cuties. If you are able to get access to the net at your folks, as well as visiting here there's a wonderful recovery site that helped me immensely when I was blindsided a few years back.

Take Care & Hugs,

rabgal

Jen, so sorry to hear that. I know how devastating a break-up can be, and allow yourself the time to grieve. And I agree with rabgal - let your parents take care of you for awhile. I know it may hard to believe at this time, but it's true - for every window that closes, a door opens.

Prayers and Bestest wishes,

dip

Jen, I haven't spoken to you before either but just wanted to tell you how sorry that I am that this has happen to you. I just wanted to tell you that the library has free computer access. Yahoo offers a free e-mail address so you can use that to get your private mail. You just get a user name and password and remember to signout each time. I hope this helps. Hang in there, girl. I'll be praying for you, too. Be compassionate to yourself, as gentle with yourself as you would your best friend. Take care and let us hear from you when you can. Irish

Jen,

My heart is going out to you and your babies right now. Take care of yourself and your beautiful children, and allow those that love you to encircle you right now. We'll be here for you whenever you can get here.

This poem meant a lot to me years ago when I lost someone who was important to me. I hope it gives you comfort too.

Jo :wave:

COMES THE DAWN

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all of your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really do have worth.

And you learn and you learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

by Veronica A. Shoffstall
1971

well, that is bad news. I am sorry that happend, guess you knew something was up our you wouldn't have asked if he still loved you.
But now is the time that you need to look to us for support and this is the time that you work on yourself. and if it helps to think to yourself that if you keep loosing weight and making yourself more and more beautiful "and I know we are all beautiful already" but if you keep in mind that one day, you can say to him, "eat your heart out" and really, I'm just trying to give a bright side when there doesn't seam to be one right now..
Hey, you didn't cut your hair after he told you that right? I can never understand why women do that.

i am so sorry ive never spoke to you before but we will all be here for you when ever you need us and you still have your kids and they get you through anything !! just go home and be looked after for a while and youll get there and if he doesnt love you then he doesnt deserve you be safe and come back soon

I don't post very often but I do read when I can and I am so glad I decided to take the time tonight to read these boards because I too want you to know we are here for you. I too was in a similar situation when pregnant with my first son and begged mine to stay, god I was stupid. So 50 lbs bigger, lower self esteem and miserable I'm still married and think everyday that he stayed out of guilt but it isn't a topic we are allowed to address so my advise to you my dear is keep your head up high and remember to take care of you and your babies and don't look back. You are better then that and once he gets through this midlife crisis which I'm sure it is he'll realize what a good thing he had (a family). Take care and like everyone before me said try to let mom and dad take care of you for now and please let us know how you are doing. If you need someone to talk to feel free to email me, my butt isn't the only wide thing on me, my shoulders are wide too and you can lean on them. My email address is mackenzie_mary@hotmail.com.
God Bless{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
Mary

Hey, you didn't cut your hair after he told you that right? I can never understand why women do that.

I did this after the break up of my marriage 8 years ago. For me, it was creating a new identity for myself. For years I was associated (and associated myself) as his wife. When we met I had short hair. He always liked long hair and I grew it long because he wanted it long. Then it was just me, do as I please, and I am cutting my hair! My hair was down to my waist and when I cut it, I went to a super short pixie. I think it is an attempt to be "out with the old and in with the new." At least that is what it was for me.


And last but definitely not least....

Jen,
This is a late post, as it has been a month since your original post. Keep your head up chickie! Love your babies, hug them, squeeze them and kiss them. Tell them that their daddy still loves them, this is important. Give yourself time to grieve, but don't punish yourself for his actions.

*Insert Monty Python humor here*
Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

...always look on the bright side of life!

(whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...

- Monty Python's Life of Brian

[QUOTE=steelymonica]I did this after the break up of my marriage 8 years ago. For me, it was creating a new identity for myself. For years I was associated (and associated myself) as his wife. When we met I had short hair. He always liked long hair and I grew it long because he wanted it long. Then it was just me, do as I please, and I am cutting my hair! My hair was down to my waist and when I cut it, I went to a super short pixie. I think it is an attempt to be "out with the old and in with the new." At least that is what it was for me.

I knew it, I just knew it. I have this theory and its like this.
Women know deep down that men love long hair. And when a woman grows her hair long for a man, or to attract a man, the first thing they do when a relationship goes bad is cut it all off. Its like some kind of instant gratification a woman gets by taking away the hair, because we all know the weight takes so much longer to get rid of.
the only way my hair is coming off is chemo baby.
And If I'm the only 45 year old woman left on the planet with really long hair, I will be only the more proud.
but its cool with me you want to start a new life with a pixie.
go for it.

and back to my long time wondering of a question.

does a woman put on pounds because the relationship is bad?

or

does the relationship get bad because the woman puts on too many pounds?

I think it all goes hand in hand.

I actually didn't do that. I lost a ton of weight from stress and doing Tae Bo but I left my hair alone. I'm more of a holiday time hair cutter - get bored and lonely and off goes the hair.

Partytime - where did you get that penguin clip? That was HILARIOUS!!!

I actually didn't do that. I lost a ton of weight from stress and doing Tae Bo but I left my hair alone. I'm more of a holiday time hair cutter - get bored and lonely and off goes the hair.

Partytime - where did you get that penguin clip? That was HILARIOUS!!!


can't quite remember where I got the Penguin clip, but my name is Gwen, so I like to make fun of Penguin's "penGWEN's''
but women cut their hair for all kinds of reasons, and its all ok with me.
I have just alwaYS noticed when ever I see a woman at work or a friend, or family member going through a divorce or bad breakup, they "generally" cut the hair wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off within days of the initial break up.
I think that is a statement, sort of taking control.

I am new here, but I wanted to reply to your thread. Hang in there, everything happens for a reason. I had 20 year marriage end. I remarried after being single for 5 years. I found out a lot about me. My husband I have now is such a nice guy. My first was the classic bad boy. They make lousy husbands. It sounds like you have plenty of support here. My thoughts are with you.

Wish I had seen this post when it first came up. I have been married to a great man (not great all the time) for 46 years, and I decided a long time ago that if we ever broke up, he would have to leave and still pay for the house. He has kids and he needs to support them, wheither he wants to stay married or not.

Hope everything is going OK now.

I am new to this thread and after reading what Kn had written it brought back memories. My ex husband did that to me. Just out of the blue he told me that he didn't want to be married and wanted to move to Fl. He didn't want me to go with him. I felt like my heart was ripped out out of my chest and shoved through my belly button. I felt like the roller coaster ride that I had been on had come to a screetching hault. I felt like I had no barrings. But through it all I still could see the light at the end of my tunnel. I moved in with my parents and let them take care of and love me and I was so greatful for that. I don't know what made me stronger the fact that I was forced to move back in with my parents or the fact that he left me. But I decided that I didn't want to be alone anymore and found someone else 6 months later. I realized that maybe I really wasn't in love with him anyway. I know that it sounds like I was on the rebound and I really questioned it because I didn't want to heart the guy I was with and I didn't want to heart myself again. So I took it slow until I met my night and shinning armor and the man that I married. I got some flack from people that I worked with but I think they didn't understand my reasoning on why I did it, I mean dated so soon. I didn't do it to hurt anyone. I just did it because I knew that I was ok and it felt like it was time. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't. So just always know that it WASN'T your fault and move on with your life. Like dip says when one door closes another door opens and you have the option to run out and embrace the world or close it and hide. That's what makes life so wonderful.

Well, I'm late posting, but I was reading what "Partytime" said. And I wonder if women just don't need to "try" as hard once they are married or in a long term relationship. Or maybe, when two people join together in a union they need to fight to integrate eachothers eating habits, and women are usually the first to give in. Most women I talk to (and I work in a women's plus size store) say that the reason they ended up gaining weight was from their partner's eating habits. When I first met my boyfriend I only ate organic, non-processed foods, he on the other hand ate out every single meal. I also used to run every morning for 45 minutes, one morning at a time he would beg me to stay in bed with him. One day easily turns into 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, and after that, try running, it hurts, heh. Anyways, thats just my opinion.

I'd be interested in hearing if this is the case in a lot of situations. This seems so foreign to me. My wife and I have come together on differences since marrying, I've moved towards her and she towards me. I can't envision one partner completely subjugating themselves to the other. That would be absurd and unthinkable. I don't mean to be harsh. I have given up some things, but I gave them up because I wanted to. Pat has given some of her 'single' things up as well but she would sooner cut her leg off than stop doing something she really enjoyed because I asked her and I wouldn't ask her. Again not to seem harsh, but anyone who loved you wouldn't ask you!

Jack, I agree with you. I have been happily married to my husband for 11 years now. Through it we have always talked to each, made decisions with each other, and supported each other. Neither of us asked each other to change but somehow have slowly merged into a partnership and have change a little bit on our own but it has been more of a growing as individuals and as a couple at the same time.

We do a lot of things together but we also have our own interests that we pursue and we do girls night out and guy night out type things too. We would never force each other to do something we didn't want to do or ask each other to give up something we love. My husband is a musician in a rock band so you may well guess the sacrifices and support that are involved but he supports me in my interests as well.

We are best friends and can tell each other anything and often have the same ideas we blurt out to each other at the same time or finish each other's sentences. We call or e-mail each other once a day at work to just touch base and see how each other's days are going. I sometimes bring him home a treat or a small silly gift when I have been out shopping and he will suprise me with flowers once in a while instead of waiting for an occasion. I make him coffee in the mornings and he makes me a cup of tea in the evening- little things count :)

We are not perfect - we have had some ups and downs, some minor arguments but nothing serious. We have stood by each other through thick and thin, family traumas and tragedies and through financial troubles and it has just made the good times even better.

I realize that not everyone is as fortunate in their relationships and I count my blessings everyday but as cliche as it sounds true love is out there so people shouldn't give up hope - the secret is that people have to work at their relationships, it doesn't just magically happen.

My personal things I do - always treat your partner like your best friend - think about it...would I say mean things to my best girlfriend? NO! ...Would I stop talking for days on end with my best girlfriend for some silly little fight? NO!

I never go to bed angry, I never leave the house without kissing my husband (even I am ticked off), and I have never once in 11 years made him sleep on the couch - no matter how steamed I was. Sometimes you have to let the small things go and focus on the big picture and work together to get things done. I have made some compromises but never sacrificed myself or my beliefs - just done some smart negotiating ;)

I will get off my relationship soapbox :soap: now! :lol:

PS - no I don't read books on relationships or self help stuff either - don't ask me how I lucked out - just had awesome parents who have been married for 40 years. Mind you both of DH's parents were married 3 times each so I don't know how he ended up being so dedicated to marriage :shrug:

I'm new here so don't know much about you. But I am so sorry to hear about this. I just recently went through a divorce after 4 years of marriage. My ex fell out of love, so he says. Being a single mom is not easy. I wish you much luck! (((HUGS))) for you and your children.

Thank you everyone for your support. I can't believe you are all still posting on this message of mine from March. WOW.

I am going to post an update in a new message.

Thanx again everyone, I really appreciate it.

I'm another one who can confidently say I didn't gain weight til after I married. I was a teeny tiny size 4/5 when we met but within 2 years I weighed over 150. My DH was in the Navy and was used to wolfing down as much food as fast as he could b/c he was conditioned to think there might be a long,long time between meals. Being broke newlyweds didn't help. (lots of mac n' cheese and beans and rice for meals.) I caved in on my previously healthy eating habits and here I am today at over 180 pounds on my 5'-2" frame with asthma, a tempermental gall bladder, joints that hurt and a bad back. And a sugar and bread addiction that hurts so much I want to cry but many times feel helpless to fight.

Mamacita

Take the SOB for for all he's worth now and in the future.Think only of what you and those kids need. Your going to be fine. Your better than he is.